Shelter

~ EPOV ~

Guilt. It had run through the walls of my home like wildfire, consuming everyone in its path. No one was left untouched by its flames.

It drove us apart. Created a deafening silence that crackled and snapped at us as it burned.

Bringing forth those unspeakable questions that would plague us forever.

What if?

What if I had done things differently?

What if I had fought harder?

Useless questions that helped no one and that's why no one voiced them. That's why we sat with them in the dark and allowed them to eat us.

It seemed that no matter the situation, when that emotion arrived, we always asked ourselves, what if. Those two words went hand in hand with guilt. You couldn't have one without the other.

I walked through the field holding Renesmee's hand. The snowflakes fell lightly, disappearing as they hit the grass.

She wanted to leave the house as often as possible, and I hadn't argued. Even with the winter breeze surrounding us, it was still warmer than being in that house.

She wanted to be away from them. Their forced smiles and shared regrets. She knew that every time they looked at her their sorrow grew.

Even Jacob. He couldn't hide the blame he had placed on his shoulders. Not even for Renesmee.

So, we walked.

"Daddy?"

I hummed in response. Already knowing her question. Trying to buy myself some time before I had to answer it.

"How long do you think she'll be gone?" She whispered softly, watching her feet tread lightly.

"Not long, sweetheart. I'm sure she'll be back soon." I assured her, even though I knew she could hear the fear in my voice.

That was the problem. We couldn't hide it from her. But we couldn't fully reveal it to her either. No matter what abilities she had or how advanced she was, in the end Renesmee was still a child. I could still see that innocence in her eyes. She still clung to that naïve view of the world, wanting to believe in fairytales and happy endings.

I desperately wanted her to hold onto that as long as she could. Like any father would.

She would ask the same question again tomorrow, and I would continue to lie. Attempting to save her from seeing this for what it was. A nightmare.

I would bury my own feelings and ignore my own guilt. Keep my own what-ifs to myself.

I would do my best to be that shelter for her.

Even though inside, I was breaking into pieces. Sick with worry.

Devastated.

I would wait until Renesmee was asleep before allowing those flames to fully devour me.

Before I considered the time that had passed since my last hunt.

Since Bella had last hunted.

~ BPOV ~

It took very little time for me to realize who Finn reminded me of.

Jacob.

Jacob before he knew of the monsters in the world and the responsibilities on his shoulders.

Before the wolf branded something in him that would forever be marked.

He was twenty years old. A thick mop of brown hair constantly needed to be wiped back from his brow so he could see. It drove me crazy. If there were scissors in here, I'd cut it off. Not that mattered. He'd be dead soon. They'd never let him leave this place.

"How long?" He questioned curiously as he flipped through a book he had no intention of reading.

I shrugged, looking up to do some quick math. "Three years and six months"

He raised his brow. "That's pretty young to get married. What if you change your mind?"

I couldn't help but smile at him.

"What?" He questioned with a short laugh.

"You're scared of commitment. It's very..."

"Common. I'm twenty. It's common." He assured me, looking back to the pages of the book.

My smile faded. He'd never grow out of it. He'd never get married or have children.

He knew that.

He'd made some kind of peace with it. His days were numbered, and though he couldn't fully comprehend it, he wasn't the type to dwell.

He simply wanted it to be quick.

The burn in my throat had been bothering me all day. I was still young as far as a vampire goes. Still struggling with control.

I thought knowing him would make it easier for me. Like it would somehow mask the scent.

It didn't.