Madness

~EPOV~

I kept telling myself it would be okay.

She was going to be fine.

I needed to do as she asked and stay with Renesmee.

But I couldn't help it.

Stuffing items into a bag, my mind telling me to stop, but my hands and feet continued to move on their own.

Madness.

"Edward?"

I looked up to see Carlisle in my doorway. His expression was full of concern.

As it should be.

What was I doing?

"I can't do this." I admitted as I continued to move through the room.

That primal instinct had taken over. Rational thought was removed, and I needed to see her. I needed to look into her eyes.

"Where is Renesmee?" He asked, curious as to why he and Esme had returned to a nearly empty house.

"Alice and Jasper took her to see Charlie. They're going to feed him some lies. Before he comes looking for Bella." I told him as I stuffed the last of what I needed into the bag.

"And Jacob?"

I laughed hopelessly and tossed my hands up. I had no idea where Jacob was. I hadn't seen him days.

"She's going to be okay, Edward." He said calmly, hoping to ease my panic.

I shook my head.

"You don't know that." I said roughly as I snatched the bag up and stepped around him.

She would live, I had no doubt of that. But would she be okay?

My feet pulled me forward. And for the first time since they took her, I felt something close to relief.

"Renesmee needs you, Edward." He told me firmly as he chased me down the stairs.

"She needs her mother." I growled as I stepped through the front door.

"I'll come with you."

"No!" I snapped loudly. Stopping and turning to face him.

I regretted my tone immediately.

His eyes were soaked in it. Just like mine. Like Jacob's. He was sick with it. That worry. That love for her. That failure.

"I just need to see her. Please just… just stay here. Stay with Renesmee." I requested before turning and going down the steps.

He didn't follow.

~BPOV~

I'd been here ten days. I hadn't fed in three weeks. Almost four.

I couldn't handle it.

I actually found myself looking forward to these meetings with Emmeline. Just to get away from Finn.

She asked, her eyes focused on me, "Close your eyes and try it again."

I did as she had said.

I looked deep into it. Trying to get beyond the surface.

We had been at this for days.

Hours on end.

Finally, I was starting to see it. How deep it was.

I skimmed the edges that I usually pulled my power from. The surface of a well.

"That's where you need to draw from Bella. But from the center."

I realized then just how strong it was. It wasn't fine and loose like I had thought.

I'd always seen it as drops of water that would slip through my grasp. My time with it always seemed fleeting. It would run dry so easily, and then I'd have to try to gather it up again.

I was wrong. It was solid and thick. It was vast beyond my wildest dreams.

"Don't try to collect pieces of it. Scraps. Lift it, all of it." She demanded calmly.

It was just for a moment. But I had done it. It had expanded beyond me, further than I would ever know. And I felt it. Like a breeze blowing through my chest.

Then I let go.

Let it rush back inside of me where it belonged. Where no one would ever mistreat it.

Safe within my chest.

A gift. A curse.

My elbows on the table, face in my palms. I sat still, trying to calm myself.

I could do it. But I felt no relief in knowing that.

"You look awful." Emmeline commented as I slowly composed myself.

I couldn't stop thinking about him and Renesmee.

I had to get out of here. I couldn't think here. The walls were closing in.

Every breath stung. Burned.

I could smell the blood. Thick in the air of every room. I tried not to breathe. Not to let a single bit of it inside of me.

But at the same time, I couldn't help myself.

That dark thing in me awakening, no matter how much I tried to hush it. Just begging to bare its teeth.

Madness.