I hope you enjoy this edited chapter! As always, I only own my OC.

WARNING: THIS IS A VERY HEAVY CHAPTER. Veronica started off this fic already being diagnosed with anxiety and depression. She's been diagnosed with PTSD since the Incident of '83. As her powers are dormant, this means she's finally dealing with her feeling without being distracted by her connection to the Upside Down. Also, she throws up at the beginning of this chapter, but it's not particularly graphic.

This chapter takes place on the one-year anniversary of Barb's death and Veronica's disappearance.

I wake up breathing heavily, blood pumping and heart pulsing like it's about to beat out of my chest. My throat's dry and scratchy, like I've been screaming. But no one's here to wake me, which means the sounds never escaped.

All at once my stomach rolls, and I make a mad dash to the bathroom so I can knee before the porcelain throne.

I'm gasping for air as I heave, choking on my tears as I keep them in. My whole body is sweating, my body is tingling, and I suppose it feels like coming down from a bad high. I can't even remember my dream, but I know what it must have been. After all, today's the day I've been dreading all year.

November 8th. The day Barb and I disappeared. The day I let her slip from my fingers. The day she was probably killed, because I don't want to imagine her suffering. I want it to have been a quick kill, like a merciful hunter would do it. She never deserved what happened to her.

I groan as I heave out the last of my stomach contents and flush, a shadow looming behind me. I look up to see my mom, backlit by the golden sunrise pouring out through my room. "Oh, dumpling. What can I get you?" She asks.

"I'm… I'm…" I let out a sob and fold in on myself, body even more compact than usual. I can feel the vines creeping over me, I can hear Barb screaming. And I can't breathe.

"Sweetheart, look at me." Hands cup my sweaty cheeks and I try to focus on the fuzzy woman in front of me. "You're here, you're with me. Today is awful, I know, but you will not be alone. Even if you need your space, Dustin and I will be nearby."

I cough and keep trying to breathe, eventually matching hers. "I… I…"

"It's okay. Take your time. Focus on breathing, Veronica."

I nod, no longer gasping for air. I'm still anxious, though, stomach twisted in knots and mind dark and terrible. It's like being locked inside a pitch-black room that's closing in on itself, and the only thing you can do is sit there and wait for it to be over. "Shower. Want a shower." I mumble, curling into my mom some more. She just holds me, warm in her furry pink robe and hair still in curlers.

"Okay. Okay, sweetheart." She kisses my forehead twice. "Go take your shower. I'm going to make you some tea."

I nod and watch her go, and she leaves the door slightly ajar. With shaky limbs I force myself to stand, stripping from my sweat-drenched pajamas and tugging a towel closer to the shower.

I pull the curtains back a bit to reach in and turn the shower head on, letting the water get hot. I also brush my teeth, ignoring the sting of mint as I brush and brush to get rid of the taste in my mouth. Satisfied I rinse and step into the tub, letting the shower rain over me, staring straight ahead and bracing my hands on the tie wall before me. My fingers scratch at it, not hard enough to tear them open, but enough that I feel something.

My shoulders shake as more tears fall, and I look up at the shower head, rinsing it all away. Barb's screams are still filling my ears, taunting my guilt and reminding me of how I failed.

I'm just going through the motions, scrubbing my hair with shampoo and conditioner and trying to wash everything away.

It doesn't work.

I shut off the water when I realize I'm shivering from how cold it's gotten, and wrap myself in the fuzzy towel, gold ring shining on my thumb. I shuffle back to my room and close the door behind me, dropping my towel and pulling on some underwear, forgoing a bra and opting for a thick black sweater and some grey sweatpants. I leave my feet bare and my hair wet, rubbing under my eyes as I head over to the kitchen.

My mom's pattering around, a kettle heating up on the stove. "Are you hungry?" She asks me, quieter than usual. I shake my head and clench my fists, nails biting into my palm. When she turns back around I release them, but I don't quite manage a smile. She frowns and walks over to kiss my forehead before walking off to the bathroom.

I just keep staring ahead, surrounded by silence until the shrill whistle from the kettle screams out and I have to cover my ears, the pitch too close to Barb's screams.

"Oh, dumpling, I'm so sorry!" My mom apologizes, rushing back into the kitchen to turn off the heat and pour some water into my mug, but I'm still rocking in the kitchen chair, hands clenched over my ears. She crouches in front of me, the steaming tea placed next to me as she gently and cautiously rubs my knees. "I'm sorry. I know. I'm sorry."

She doesn't know, though. She doesn't know the truth. She doesn't know what happened to Barb, what I went through.

The screams in my head start to fade so I remove my hands and nod at her. Half her curlers are still in, and she looks frazzled. I feel like such a burden, like she wouldn't be this worried if nothing happened to me. If I wasn't such a mess. "I'll be in the other room, sweetheart. You drink your tea, maybe lie down on the couch. I'm sure Dustin will be out soon." She whispers, kissing my forehead again as she goes.

I stand up and carefully take my mug with me, walking over to the couch and setting the mug on the coffee table. With a sigh I lie down, curling up into a ball and facing the back of the couch.

I'm counting the wrinkles in the fabric when something soft is placed over me. "Hey Leia."

"Chewie." I mutter, and his hand runs through my blonde curls.

"Should I turn on some music?" Head shake. "A movie?" Head shake. "I can read a book to you?"

"Which one?"

"The Merry Adventures of Robin Hood."

"Okay."

He shuffles off and I stay rolled over, blanket covering me from head to toe. Eventually he returns, and I lift my head a bit so he can sit next to me, resting my left temple on the edge of his thigh. He clears his throat. "Chapter one, How Robin Hood Came To Be an Outlaw. 'In merry England in the time of old, when good King Henry the Second ruled the land, there lived within the green glades of Sherwood Forest, near Nottingham Town, a famous outlaw whose name was Robin Hood. No archer ever lived that could speed a gray goose shaft with such skill and cunning as his, nor were there ever such yeomen as the sevenscore merry men that roamed with him through the greenwood shades. Right merrily they dwelled within the depths of Sherwood Forest, suffering neither care nor want, but passing the time in merry games of archery or bouts of cudgel play, living upon the King's venison, washed down with draughts of ale of October brewing…"

As Dustin reads I begin to drift off, imagining beautiful green forests and clear blue skies.

It's significantly brighter when I open my eyes, heart fluttering with nerves and goosebumps raising my flesh. This time I was stuck in the pool, vines holding me down while Barb was dragged away over, and over, and over again.

There are three voices coming from the kitchen, and I sit up carefully and get up from the couch, blanket wrapped tightly around my body.

Nancy's sitting with my mom and Dustin at the kitchen table, hands cradling a cup of coffee. Her eyes are red and puffy, almost as shadowed as mine. She stands as soon as I enter and sets down the mug to hug me, arms shaking.

"Won't your mom be mad you're skipping school?" I whisper, voice hoarse from lack of use.

"No, no. I got permission and everything. I was going to skip anyway but I figured… I figured neither one of us should be alone." She whispers back and I nod in thanks, leaning on her some more. "Your mom said you haven't eaten yet. Do you want something?" I shake my head. "Do you want to lie back down?" I shrug. "Let's go lie down."

"Do you want to lie down?" I ask. I'm not alone in my grief today.

"Yes." She keeps me close to her as we walk past my brother and mom, ending up in my room. I vaguely realize the sheets have been changed - warm flannel awaits us rather than the sweaty cotton from last night.

I curl up under the covers, watching as Nancy removes her shoes. She's dressed as comfortably as I am, a far cry from her usual preppy look. Her curls are just as messy as mine, and when she slips under the covers we come close to each other, blonde and brown locks interlocking.

"Do you think… should we talk about her?" Nancy asks, sniffling. I make a small noise, and shrug. "I just think… maybe if we tell stories, it'll help." I mumble something and nod, head tucking into her neck, eyes closing as I listen to her.

"The first time I really met Barb, God, it was the second week of sixth grade. I'd always sort of kept to myself. Remember? I was always quiet, and shy, and I liked reading more than talking to other people." I nod in confirmation. "Barb and I were paired for a project in English. She was still quiet, but she had a bunch of other people to consider friends. And at first, we were awkward with each other… I was awkward, she just tried to make me more comfortable. Finally, she got a huge plot point wrong. I don't even remember what we were reading, but I remember arguing with her loudly and aggressively. When I finished, she just looked at me and smiled, and that was that. I still don't know if she got the story wrong on purpose or not."

"She probably did. Get it wrong on purpose, I mean." I whisper.

"Yeah. She was always so good at getting us to open up."

"She was the best."

"Yeah."

I tear up, eyes still closed as I press my forehead into Nancy's neck. "I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." I blink my eyes open and pull back, looking up at her. She's just staring up at the ceiling. "I was the one who made us go to Steve's. If I hadn't pressured her into trying to shotgun a beer, she wouldn't have cut herself. She wouldn't have been bleeding, and the Demogorgon would've left both of you alone. This is on me."

"No!" I gruff out, shaking my head. "No!"

She blinks down as rage bursts out of me, at my shaking limbs. "I -"

"No!" I grunt. "My fault. It-it's my fault. I coul-could've… I could've saved her. Sh-she let me. She let me go up first. Ev-even though my… my ankle was sprained. I wasn't strong enough. I've never been strong enough." I whisper, curling into myself.

My fault, my fault, my fault.

"Hey, hey, shh. Hey. I'm sorry, it's okay. We don't have to talk about her. Okay?"

"She was your best friend." I whisper, crying. "I couldn't save her. I couldn't save Bob."

"That you even tried to - that you would've died to save both of them… Vera, you're amazing. You're so brave. And you have such a big heart, one of the biggest I've ever known. So it's okay to feel like this, to feel sad. To feel like the whole world is dark." She cries with me, stammering a bit. "I feel it, too. Maybe not the same way you do, but I do."

I nod and wrap an arm around her stomach, coming closer to her. "I know."

"And I understand you won't believe me for a while, when I tell you this isn't your fault. That you didn't fail. I get it. But I'm still going to remind you."

"Me, too."

"We're quite the pair, huh? A sisterhood created out of grief and trauma." She snorts a little.

I manage a small lip twitch. "Monster hunting, too. But we work."

"Yeah, Vera."

We lay there in silence, wrapped around each other as close as possible. Finally, I let out a small sigh. "In freshman year, after we became friends, Barb forced me to go to the library for, like, hours." Nancy nods at my words. "She was tired of me blowing off homework to go to the range, and she threatened to break my bow. I'd never been more scared of her in my life." Nancy lets out a small giggle. "God, she was so scary when she was pissed."

"Yeah. She was so tall, too."

"A giant."

"A friendly giant." We look into each other's eyes. "She was always so proud of you, you know? She thought you were so cool, even before we all became friends." Nancy mumbles tiredly to me.

"Yeah?" I ask, nuzzling into my pillow more.

"Mhmm. When we found out about your dad, and we saw how you changed… God, she was sad. For you. About you becoming so cold. She told me she missed your smile and your jokes."

"Didn't mean to change. Just…"

"Had to. We knew. She was so excited when the two of you became friends. She was also so proud of herself for getting you to laugh like you used to."

"You did, too."

"Yeah, but I took my cues from Barb. She had you figured out better than most."

"Jonathan would've fought her on that." I mutter, and Nancy lets out a quiet laugh.

"In the seventh grade we had a sleepover at my house. I was feeling spontaneous, and decided we should prank call people. She groaned about it and complained, but as soon as she found Tommy H's and Drew's numbers she got super excited. She pretended to be a college girl and a persistent saleswoman."

I grin a little. "Did she come up with backstories?"

"Please, she was a stickler for details. She knew their names, what they did for fun, who their parents were, where they came from. Only Barb could make a prank call so elaborate."

"She would've been an awesome detective. Or journalist." My smile fades. "She deserved better."

"Yeah. She did." Nancy agrees.

"Sorry." I whisper, the room feeling colder and darker than before.

"Hey, no. Don't apologize for being sad, for being in pain. We're allowed to feel like this. I'd be… I'd be worried if you felt nothing."

"I do. I feel…" She looks down at me, concern and confusion written all over her face. "I feel everything and nothing all at once. Like, there's this void in my chest, but my mind is over-packed with emotions. It's like drowning and taking in oxygen at the same time."

Her arm wraps around me even tighter, and I rest my head on her shoulder. A hand reaches up to stroke through my blonde hair. "You're going to be okay. Both of us are. It'll… it'll get easier. Day by day, month by month, year by year."

"I know."

"Not today, though. This is our day to feel… to feel everything we haven't let ourselves yet. But we're going to do it together."

"Always." I promise. She nods against my head, and I feel her breathing even out all the more.

"Mhmm."

We drift off together, my arm tightly wrapped over her stomach and her hand still running through my curls.

3rd Person POV (Steve's)...

He woke up knowing today would suck. The guilt about Barb's death - something he knew he couldn't have controlled, but still feels at fault for - mixed with Nancy's drunken words of blame eat at him even as he sits on the bench, attempting to do some homework while the shrill whistle blows and feet pound against the floor. But nothing, absolutely nothing, comes close to the fear and overwhelming sadness consuming every inch of him as he thinks about Roni. How she must be doing, how hard on herself she's been, how she could've been killed, too, body never returned. How Dustin would be mourning the sister he so clearly loves, how yet another good parent would be missing their child.

The very idea that he'd never see her smile or hear her laugh again bites at Steve, and he starts to picture her body mangled and brilliant emerald eyes glazed and colder than her nickname.

The bell rings and he's up and packing his bag in an instant, rushing out of the gym and pushing guys out of the way to leave. Someone follows him and he prays it's Hargrove so he can punch the dick and then get sent home. He could go see Roni, check up on her. Her and Nancy, who told him she'd be at the Henderson house. It only made sense, and he's just glad neither girl will be alone. They'll have each other, before he can go see them.

"Harrington!"

Steve sighs and turns, "Yeah Tommy?" He asks his former best friend, the boy's freckled face all red from the exercise. "How can I help you, pal?"

"I just wanted to know…" Oh God, please say something douchey. Go ahead, make his day. "I just wanted to see how you're doing. Today."

Steve blinks. "Uh, what?" He asks.

Tommy sighs and looks away, scratching the back of his head. Students mill around them, staring at the former best friends and gossiping amongst themselves. Steve's positive more than enough are itching for the two to fight. "C'mon, man, you're not this stupid. I'm just… I was worried, Harrington."

Steve shrugs. "I'm fine."

Tommy frowns, reading him clearly. "I know we don't talk anymore, but I'm not an idiot. We've been friends for years."

"Were friends, Hagan." Steve reminds him.

Tommy glares. "Yeah, well, that shit wouldn't be past tense if you hadn't ditched me and Carol for Wheeler." Steve rolls his eyes and braces his hands on his hips. Tommy huffs. "Whatever, man. I'm not trying to start a fight." Steve raises an eyebrow. "Seriously. I get it. I know. But that doesn't make what you did any less dickish."

Steve frowns and shrugs. "Fair." The students around them start to move away, a few grumbling about the lack of a physical confrontation.

"Look man, I'm worried about you, that's all. Especially today." Tommy sighs. "I remember what you were like, when Wheeler told you Veronica never went home, that she and Holland - Barb - were missing. It was scary, dude. God, if that had been Carol, I would've been just as bad."

"I'm fine now."

"No, you aren't. Neither are the girls, especially not Veronica." Tommy tells him with the softest voice he's ever used. "Again, I'm an asshole, but I ain't a complete idiot. Besides, Veronica was always cool. She shouldn't have had to go through that shit."

Steve nods, thinking how much worse it actually was for Roni, what else she had to deal with. "Thanks, Tommy. I'm… I'm not okay. Jesus, it's hard to even remember that she's still here. I'm just thinking all these bad things, like she's still gone or she's dead."

"That sucks, Steve."

"Yeah, it really does."

The former best friends smile at each other, and Tommy shakes himself out of it. "I've gotta go 'meet up' with Carol."

"Let me guess, in your car?" Steve rolls his eyes, but it's friendly.

Tommy snorts. "Today. I think we're under the bleachers tomorrow."

"Gross, dude."

"Yeah, yeah, like you haven't done the same thing King Steve."

Steve wrinkles his nose. "I'm classy."

"Uh-huh. Right. Well, Mr. Classy, I'll see you around. And when you go see Veronica later, tell her Carol and I hope she feels better." Tommy shakes his head. "Man, she's a cool chick. Don't tell her I said that."

Steve grins. "Please, she wouldn't believe it if I did." Tommy laughs and waves, walking back into the gym to change. Steve just walks towards the cafeteria, stomach grumbling as he waits in line for his lunch. Jonathan waves him over to an empty table and he walks his way, forced to pass Hargrove and his posse. Tina briefly stops Steve to ask about Veronica and Nancy, and he watches as Billy shuts up, closing in on himself. After Monday, the news spread that the new King was dumped by the Ice Queen. Hargrove nearly tore Matt apart for calling Roni a bitch during basketball practice, growling that he was the one who messed up, and that anyone else who says something bad about his "Queen V" would get beat worse than Harrington.

That shut everyone else up real quick.

"They're okay, I think they're together right now. I'm going to stop by later, but I can tell them you wanted to check in."

Tina nods gratefully and clasps her hands together. "Please. I know today's got to be horrible. Let them know I'm thinking about them, yeah?"

"Of course. Thanks, Tina." Steve gives her a small smile and resumes his walk over to Jonathan, sitting across from his ex's new boyfriend.

And his friend. He reminds himself, before realizing he isn't bitter anyway.

"How're Will and your mom?" Steve asks, opening up his applesauce and swallowing a spoonful.

Jonathan shrugs. "As good as they can be. Mom misses Bob, but it's a little easier knowing she has Will still. I almost didn't go to school today, but I figured I could grab the girls' homework."

"I wouldn't mind doing it, if you want to go home. Be with your family." Steve offers, and the younger teen shakes his head.

"No, it's okay. I've spent the past couple of days so focused on Will, I haven't made time for Veronica or Nancy."

"Hey, buddy, I'm sure they understand." Steve tells him comfortingly.

Jonathan looks up at him with a soft smile, and it's still mind blowing to Steve how much their relationship changed, from enemies to good friends. And yeah, Steve misses Tommy and Carol, but being friends with Jonathan is admittedly awesome. When he isn't creeping on other people without their permission, he takes great photos. He also has the coolest music and a great, weird sense of humor. The dude's hilarious when he's drunk and/or high. "Yeah, you're probably right.

"Whoa, wait a second, can you repeat that? I need to find a tape recorder, get that on record or some shit." Steve smirks at him, and Byers rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, I hope that's the only time I admit you're right. My self-respect is about to diminish."

Steve snorts. "Buddy, look at your haircut. You clearly lack self-respect. Hey!" A crumpled napkin hits him on the nose, and he narrows his eyes at a laughing Jonathan.

"Shut up!"

Steve grins again and pushes around the over steamed broccoli on his tray. "Is it just me, or is the chicken breathing?" He asks, poking at the leg.

Jonathan wrinkles his nose at his own piece of chicken. "Thanks, Harrington."

"No problem, Byers." He keeps digging into his applesauce.

"I take it you're going to go see the girls after school, too?" Jonathan guesses, and Steve nods.

"Yeah, that's the plan. I mean, unless you feel uncomfortable with me around Nancy?"

"What, no. I… I don't. Why would I be uncomfortable?"

"Because Nancy and I were dating not even a week ago?" Steve offers.

Jonathan pales a bit. "I mean, yeah. But… aren't you uncomfortable with me going over to see Ver and Nance?"

"No!" Steve shakes his head. "Roni's your sister, man, and Nance… She's your girlfriend."

"And your ex. It's okay, if you hate me. I mean, we got together a day after you broke up. Were you even broken up? Did Nancy cheat on you with me? Dude, how am I not dead?" Jonathan starts to panic. Steve just blinks at him in confusion, concerned his friend's about to have an aneurysm or some shit.

"Jonathan, hey, we're cool. Nance and I were broken up. We probably broke up way before we actually did, we just acted like everything was fine. I mean, she was right, we were bullshit. I was -"

"Hey, man, she told me all about that. She doesn't really believe what she said."

"I know, I know." Steve waves him off. "My point is, I'm okay with you two. I mean, it's a little weird but I'm not mad or pining."

"Not for Nancy, anyway." Jonathan mumbles goods naturedly.

Steve groans. "God, does everybody know how I feel?"

"Are you kidding? It's the worst-kept secret in Hawkins. No one says anything because they're still scared of you."

"No, let's be honest, they're way more afraid of Roni."

Jonathan smirks. "That's true. She is intimidating."

Steve nods. "Sometimes I forget she's as short as she is."

Jonathan smiles. "Yeah. She and Nance could probably take over the world in less than a week."

"Three days, maximum." Steve counter-offers. He looks around the cafeteria, at the loud students and the sounds of utensils clinking. "I'm never gonna get over how little the rest of Hawkins knows. You know, about the Upside Down."

"Yeah. Sometimes I just want to yell out the truth, but I'd probably be tossed into some cell in a straight-jacket." Byers mutters.

"To knowing the truth."

"To our badass girls." Both boys grin at each other and tap their water bottles together.

Veronica's POV…

After my second nap of the morning, Nancy and I manage to stumble into the living room where my brother is watching cartoons and my mom is knitting what looks like the world's fluffiness scarf.

"Hello, girls. Are you hungry?" My mom asks, and my brother mutes the TV. I shake my head but Nancy nods.

"Yes, actually. I can make something, though -"

"No, no, sit. I was going to order pizza, if that's okay for you?" She asks, standing and walking over to the phone.

Nancy smiles. "Yes, actually, that sounds perfect."

"Cheese and pepperoni, right?" My mom asks, remembering our usual sleepover-order.

"Yes, thank you, Mrs. Henderson." Nancy politely responds.

"Please, Nancy - Claudia." My mom corrects, then picks up the phone to order.

Dustin scoots over on the couch and I sit down next to him, curling into his slightly larger frame. Nancy sits next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. "You doing a little better, Leia?" Dustin asks, and I shrug.

"For now. Still feel lost."

"Okay. How about you, Nance?" He sweetly asks, and I feel her smile against my sweater.

"A little better, Dustin. Thank you for asking."

I bite my lip and stare ahead at the now unmuted TV, mindlessly watching. Not listening, watching. Everything else sort of fades away. I can feel myself between the bodies of my siblings, but I don't hear their breathing, their laughter, whatever they may be quietly discussing. It's just… existing, I guess.

"Hey." My senses return when Nancy pokes my shoulder, and I turn my head to look at her. "The pizza's here." I glance at my mom holding the large box, can smell the melted cheese and tomato sauce but I'm not craving it or anything. I just shrug and sit up a bit more so my brother can rush over and grab a slice, softly speaking with my mom. Nancy gently stands. "Do you want some?" I shake my head, remembering how sick I'd gotten this morning. I don't think I have to throw up again, but you never know. "You should eat something, Vera."

"Not hungry." I mumble.

"How about something to drink, like tea or water or something?" She offers.

"Not thirsty."

"Leia, you should -"

"I said no!" I shout, jumping up from the couch and glaring at my brother. He and Nancy both jump back. "Leave me alone! Just stop!" I scream, body shivering.

"Leia…" My brother's eyes get wet and become downcast, and I deflate.

"Just… leave me alone." I beg, before walking away.

I stop in my room and stare at my closet, where I keep my old hockey stick. I used to practice with Dustin when we were younger, before his "sports phase" ended.

With cold fury in my stomach I wrench the doors open and grab the stick, rushing out of my room and out the back door, closing it softly so I'm not followed.

The cold ground licks at my feet as I walk down the leaf-covered ground towards the woods, body shaking as I walk.

I don't get far, though. I can still see my house from where I am before I explode, screaming and crying as I bang at the trees with the old stick, the splintering wood giving me some sick satisfaction. "Fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU!" I roar, sobbing uncontrollably.

Pieces of the stick fly all around me, landing with thuds until I'm left with a stub. I fling it uselessly at another tree and collapse onto my knees, a battle cry tearing from my throat as I clench leaves in my fists and wail. I keep screaming until my voice cracks and becomes hoarse, until it feels like my lungs are burning and my larynx is bleeding.

Arms wrap around my shoulders from behind as I just shake, mouth open in a silent roar while sobs wrack my body and the palms of my hands dig into my eyes. "Shh, shh. I've got you, sweetheart. I've got you." My mom whispers in my ear. I keep pulling up the sharp blades of near-frozen grass, and two additional pairs of hands help stand me up.

My mom comes into view, removing her arms from around my body and cupping my face with her hands. I can tell just from her eyes that she'd seen the whole thing - all three of them had seen it. It was their promise, wasn't it? That they'd be nearby, giving me space but still watching.

Her mouth is moving, but I'm not hearing what she's saying. The blood is roaring too loudly in my ears for that. Nancy holds one hand and Dustin takes the other, and I'm brought back to the house, led straight to the bathroom and seated on top of the toilet. Warm water hits my skin, and I look down to watch dirt and leaves swirl around in the tub, joining the lavender scented foam. I'm delicately moved back to the toilet and my feet are dried with a fluffy towel. I cough, clearing my throat but I still sound hoarse.

"I'll go make you some tea." Nancy whispers and I nod. My mom crouches in front of me. No words are exchanged as she gently pulls me into a warm hug, fingers dragging through my knotted hair.

When Nancy and Dustin return, we're still in the same position. Mom lets me go and Nancy takes her place. Dustin drapes himself around my back, his fuzzy curls pressed against my cheek. Part of me wants to lash out and scream for everyone to just back off, but a bigger part actually likes this. It feels… it feels like I'm being grounded. Nothing can pull me away or drag me up from two of the most important people in my life. I let it happen, letting them hold on tight until the rage simmers down, settling under five layers of skin to be shed later. I'm back to feeling empty, well, half-empty.

I clear my throat and gesture for my tea. Nancy lets go to hand the still-hot mug over, and Dustin supports me as I tiredly stand.

We shuffle back to the living room and sit down, Nancy and Dustin biting into their slices of cold pizza, sitting on either side of me. I just take small sips from my mug, barely smelling or tasting the minty water. "I'm sorry." I finally whisper, then look over at Nancy. "I'm so sorry. You're grieving, too."

She sighs and sets down her half-eaten slice, tugging me into her arms.

"Yeah. This morning… I was a mess this morning. But Vera, being here with you, not being alone in my room, this is helping me. It isn't easier, but it's… it feels right. I wish it was helping you, too."

"You are. All of you are. I just feel so guilty. Especially because -"

"Hey, whoa, nope." Dustin cuts me off, and I turn my head to look over at him. "Leia, stop. Just stop." I nod in understanding, then bite my lip.

"You know…" my voice is muffled by Nancy's shoulder, "One of the last things Barb said to me, before… be-before we decided to wait by the pool." I pause to just breathe a little more. "She said she was lucky to be my friend. We were going to get strawberry milkshakes."

"We'll order an extra one for her next time." Nancy whispers, voice thick.

I look up at her. "She also said… she said, 'People always leave, Veronica. But you know what we do about it? We keep moving on. We prove to the world we're more than just the forgotten. Okay?' She said that, and now I can't…" I start to sob and Nancy joins me, her composed veneer breaking until us two broken girls are curled up together on the couch, my brother walking away to give us some room.

We keep crying, our sobs not yet calmed. "When the story comes out, ma-maybe it'll get easier."

"Closure." I whisper back to her, tears slipping down my cheeks faster than rain.

"Yeah."

"It-it's still so… so hard."

"Impossible." I respond. We sit together in silence for a few more moments, our chests heaving. Then I close my eyes, hiding my face on her collarbone. "I miss her."

"Me too." Nancy nuzzles her pointy chin on top of my head.

We're in the middle of A New Hope when the doorbell rings, and Dustin pauses right when Luke is attempting to cuff Chewie. The wookie's face is frozen in a growl, and my mom bustles over to open the door. "Oh, it's so good to see you, sweetheart. Come in, come in, the girls are on the couch." The door closes and Jonathan comes into view. Nancy perks up just a touch, and Jonathan walks straight towards us, kneeling in front of the couch. His arms open and we're both pulled into an awkward but comfortable hug. No words have to be exchanged as he holds us, but after a few moments I leave his hold so he can properly comfort Nancy.

His girlfriend holds on even tighter, her shoulders shaking. Jonathan moves a hand to grasp my right shoulder, squeezing gently. I cross my left arm over so I can hold his hand, exchanging a soft look with him while my right hand raises so I can play with Nancy's short curls. Jonathan pulls back a bit so he can kiss her gently, and I look away to give them some semblance of privacy without actually moving.

When they break apart, Nancy and I move so he can sit between us. Nancy curls completely into him, and I envy both of them for being with the person they care for like that. Romantically, I mean. Our position is the same one from Tuesday, when Nance and I went over to the Byers house after school with Steve, needing to check in on the Family. Will disappeared on that day last year, and with the added trauma of the Mind Flayer possessing him the poor kid was an understandable mess.

I was never possessed, though, and I'm handling this worse than he's been. I feel so weak. Fragile. It's like when my dad left to go be with Allison, when all that pain and guilt manifested in me every time I saw my mom's broken eyes and realized I wasn't able to protect her. Those feelings are only heightened now by the fact people have died and I couldn't even save them. And I keep… I keep expecting Jonathan to hate me for not telling him the truth. But the words "it's all your fault" haven't left his lips yet. And I know I had no say in Will's possession, but, God things would've been so different this year if I'd just been a little more honest. If Will and I were honest.

"How was school?" Nancy finally asks, clearly needing a distraction. Jonathan accepts it, and I can hear the smile in his voice as he answers her.

"Fine, nothing really happened. Ally said to say 'hi'. That was about it. Steve tried to cut fifth period, but I reminded him about the math test he had and then walked him to the class. He wasn't happy about the lack of trust."

"Where is he now?" I timidly ask, voice still rough.

Jonathan looks down at me worriedly. "He had to go run an errand, I think. But he'll be here." Jonathan looks like he wants to say more, but decides against it when I yawn. "Let's get you in bed."

"I've been sleeping all day." I murmur.

Jonathan ignores me in favor of standing up, crouching down to lift me like some damsel in distress. Nancy reaches up to squeeze my hand as we pass her, but let's go. The walk to my room is quiet and Jonathan sets me down on the left side of my bed, tucking me under the warm covers. He sits down in the space between my stomach and the edge of the bed, stroking my hair. "I'm sorry this is happening to you. I'm sorry there isn't anything I can do to stop it."

"No, you can't. But not being alone… it helps." I promise. "Steve's really coming?"

"Yeah, he is."

"Okay. Just want… just want what you and Nance have." I mumble, nuzzling my head into my feather-soft pillow. "A partner."

"Hey now, I'm your partner. Don't know where I'd be if it weren't for you?"

"Not that kind of partner." I whisper. "But yes."

"I know."

"You're good for her."

"Yeah?"

"Mhmm. You make her happy, Johnny. She makes you happy. You both deserve to be so happy."

"So do you, rockstar. Listen, I'll be outside, so you can -"

"No! Stay. Stay till I fall asleep." I plead tiredly, eyes closing. His hand comes up and lands on my covered shoulder blades, the soft strokes and even breathing helping to send me into a dreamless sleep.

3rd Person POV (Steve's)...

Steve knows he's nervous when he walks up to the front door. Hell, his stomach had been twisted in knots all day. When he woke up, when he was in school, when he was leaving the freaking flower shop.

He carefully fixes the bouquet in his hand before softly knocking, not wanting Roni to be scared by a loud noise. He doesn't have to wait long, or knock more than twice. Dustin opens the door, his usual bright blue eyes dimmed and red. He looks up at Steve like he's going to save the day or some shit, and yeah, Steve kind of feels obligated to do it.

"How is she? Them? You?" He asks as he steps into the house, slipping off his shoes. "And your mom?" He adds, Dustin leading him into the living room.

Nancy is curled up against Jonathan on the couch, the other male nodding at Steve when he comes into view, looking even more rundown than back at school.

"It's, uh… it's been rough." Dustin quietly admits.

"And Roni?"

"Sleeping." Jonathan quietly announces, Nancy poking her head up and blinking like she's just come back to Earth. She probably has. "Almost twenty minutes now."

"Oh. That's…" He sighs and looks away, choosing to walk to the kitchen.

Claudia Henderson is sitting down, a mug of coffee in front of her as well as a half-eaten sandwich. The normally lively woman stares forlornly at nothing, her fingers tapping against the edge of the table.

"Hi, Mrs. Henderson." Steve softly greets, and she looks up at him. Unsurprisingly she puts on a brave face, attempting a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Oh, Steve, I'm so glad you can make it."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else." He admits, then gestures to the flowers in his hand. "I, uh, I need a vase for these."

Now the smile reaches her eyes, if a little wet. "Oh, Steve, they're lovely." She whispers, giving him a fond look. Steve blushes and looks down. "She's lucky to have you, you know." At that he looks up at Roni's mom, lips parted. "I'll get you that vase." Claudia stands and moves around the kitchen, eventually settling on a beautiful glass pitcher etched with gold designs. He waits for her to finish filling it with water before she comes back to him. He gently puts the bouquet inside, rearranging them. "Where would you like to put them?" Mrs. Henderson asks, and he finishes fussing over the flowers.

"In her room." He announces, taking the arrangement from the older woman. "Is that okay?"

"I think it's a wonderful idea." He lets out a sigh of relief and turns to make his little delivery. "And Steve?" He pauses and turns around, mind rolling with confusion. "I meant what I said. You make her very happy." Steve lets out a soft noise, then thinks back on every single mistake he's made when it comes to Roni. "I promise you do. Thank you."

Steve only nods and returns to his task, quietly walking down the hall until he reaches Roni's room. The door is open, so he merely nudges it more so he can comfortably enter.

Roni is sleeping on the left side of her bed, facing her vanity. While her body is relaxed, she's frowning in her sleep, cheeks damp from drying tears. Her blonde curls are even messier than usual, and he moves a hand from the flowers to brush it off her face, his stomach fluttering when her lips twitch upwards in a small smile.

After a few seconds of watching her sleep, he returns to his task. There's enough space on her bedside table for Steve to set down the flowers. He wants them to be one of the first things she sees when she wakes up. He hopes they make her smile, if only for a moment. He also really hopes she still loves gardenias.

He turns around and notices Dustin standing in the open doorway. As he walks over to the youngest Henderson, his eyes drift over to Roni's desk. The Purple Heart her father sent her hands above it, next to some framed pressed flowers. He's never really paid attention to them before, always focused on something else.

He recognizes them immediately, though, as soon as he sees them. Dustin nods like he understands - the kid probably does, he knows Roni the best.

Steve leaves her room, only keeping the door open an inch. Dustin waits for him, eyes forlornly focused on the wood in front of them. "She used to touch the petals every thirty seconds, like she was afraid they'd just disappeared. She'd never pressed anything before, so I showed her how."

Steve smiles at the exposition. "She really loves me, huh?"

"Yeah. Yeah, she does." Dustin nudges him. "Want hot chocolate? There should be some left."

"Sure, Henderson." Steve grins down at the younger male, who returns the gesture and leads him back to the kitchen. Both stop when they see Nancy and Jonathan moving about. "Where are you two going?" Steve asks, a little concerned.

"Sally's. For food. And, uh, a quick drive before." Nancy answers, looking far away.

"You okay here?" Jonathan asks, eyes flicking over to the hall.

"Yeah. Yes. You two… take your time."

Nancy makes a small noise then rushes over to him, and Steve has no choice but to hug her back. It's friendly, and so different from any other hug they'd shared back when they were together. Somehow this feels even better.

After a few silent minutes she steps away from him, and for a second there's a smile on her face. "Take care of our girl."

"Always." Steve smiles back and watches the couple leave, promising Claudia to be back with enough dinner for the six of them. Mrs. Henderson waves them off with a soft smile, then sits down at the kitchen table. Dustin stirs the pot of cocoa, and Steve watches him carefully, having witnessed the youngest Henderson nearly set the kitchen on fire more than enough times.

A soft, hitched breath gets his attention, and Steve turns to see tears rolling down Mrs. Henderson's face. Her shoulders shake as she muffles her sobs in her hands. Dustin turns off the stove and rushes over to hold his mom while the older male looks on, unsure of what to do. Should he stay? Should he give them space?

"My baby. Oh, my poor baby." Claudia whimpers. "I don't know what to do. I-I don't know how to help her."

Dustin just looks up at Steve, round blue eyes unsure of what to do and brimming with tears. He's just a kid, Steve thinks. He shouldn't know what to do. And not for the first time, Steve wants nothing more than to kill the people responsible for all this pain. That kind of rage should terrify him, but as he watches a little boy try to comfort his mother and remembers all the people who still don't have closure for their pain, he thinks it's more than justifiable.

So Steve gathers all the courage he has and walks over to the mom and son, pulling out a chair so he's right next to the sobbing Claudia Henderson. She's so strong - hell, it's clear Roni and Dustin got their strength from her - and he wonders if she's let herself break down until now. Or is Roni enough like her that both women did their best to keep their pain to themselves?

He puts a hand on Claudia's, and sends a comforting look Dustin's way. "All we can really do is be here. For each other." He clears his throat. "You three are some of the strongest people I've ever met, and… and it's okay not to know what to do."

Claudia sniffles and raises her head, wiping away her tears. She moves her other hand to cover Steve's, squeezing it in a way so motherly that the teen is reminded how very different the Henderson matriarch is from his own mother. "Thank you, Steve." She coughs wetly then stands up, Steve following her. "I'm just… I'm going to lie down for a little bit. Let me know if you need me, or if… if Veronica is asking for me."

Steve and Dustin watch the shaky woman walk away, her sniffles fading as she closes her bedroom door behind her. The older teen sighs then pushes his bangs back, chest aching. "Hey, bud, why don't we -" He looks down at Dustin and can feel his eyes bulge when he notices the youngest Henderson's face dripping with tears. "Oh, man, come here." Steve pulls Dustin into his chest, both boys wrapped around each other so brotherly it makes Steve feel all warm. Like he always had this, a little brother or whatever. He doesn't even care that snot and salty water are staining his thick cashmere sweater. Besides, he knows his own tears are raining down on top of Dustin's head. "It's gonna be okay, kid. It's gonna be okay." He promises, and they break down together.

Veronica's POV…

My room is painted gold when my eyes begin to flick open, the edges still blurry and a little dark. I don't know how long I've been asleep - is it even the same day? - but I feel a little less heavy.

The heaviness fades more when I rub my eyes and open them all the way, a beautiful vase of gardenias filling my vision. The white leaves shine brighter in the sunlight, and I sit up so I can just touch one. Make sure they're real.

They definitely weren't there when Jonathan tucked me in, so who the hell brought them?

"Oh, you're awake."

I gasp inaudibly and shift my body so I'm staring through my open doorway. Steve's against the frame of my doorway, looking relatively surprised. "Steve. Hi." I whisper hoarsely, voice dry from sleep and how little I've spoken.

"Roni. I was just checking, to, uh… to see if you were still sleeping."

"I just woke up. Um, what time is it?"

"Almost 5. You've been out for a couple of hours, I guess."

"Where's Nance? And Jonathan?" I ask, scooting back but holding on tightly to my comforter.

"They went out for a drive, and to pick up some food."

I let out a sigh of relief, managing a small smile. "Good. Nance needed… she needs to be able to deal, too. Without me being the way I am."

"Roni -"

"No, it's okay. I'm a mess." I brush my tangled hair back and grimace when my fingers get stuck. "You can come in, you know." I whisper and he clears his throat, rubbing the back of his neck as he enters my room. I look down at my comforter and pat the spot to my right. "Sit. If you want. Or… it's cold. You can come under the covers."

"Are you sure?" He asks, walking around the foot of the bed. I nod and flip them down. He crawls under them, shivering a little in just his jeans, socks, and a polo. "Thanks. My sweater got a little ruined, and Dustin doesn't wear the same size clothes as me." I snort a little and scoot back down, resting my head on the pillow. "I heard you had a rough day."

"Who told you? Nancy? My mom?"

"Dustin."

"Oh."

"Yeah. Are you… are you feeling a little better? Not, like, perfect and happy, but… better?" Steve stammers. I turn my head away from him briefly to stare up at my favorite flowers.

"I actually think I am." I face him once more, and pat my hand on his pillow. He accepts the offer and lies down on his side, smiling softly at me. "I guess those were your errand?"

"Mhmm. Thought they'd… I hoped they'd help. A little. Enough."

"They already have. Thank you."

"You deserve to wake up to something that you love." He mumbles, and I shift a little closer to him, still laying on my right side.

"Well it's a good thing you know what I love."

He grins and comes closer, and we're only a few inches apart. "I only had the past six years to figure it out." He yawns a little, facing his head away from me, and I watch him glow in the fading sunlight. For the hundredth time today, I feel like this heavy weight on everyone, like I'm taking from them without giving anything in return except misery.

"You can go. If you know, you have to be somewhere else. Or if you need to rest. Your face looks a little better." I murmur off-topic, eyes roving over the fading bruises and healing cuts.

"Where else would I need to be?" I shrug at him.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just giving you an out." He blinks at me.

"Why?"

"You've checked up on me. I'm breathing. If you have other shit to do - like, take a nap or homework - you can go do it."

"Funny. I was under the impression that I was allowed to nap here, with you. What makes you think I have anywhere else to be?"

I shrug again, pillow soft against my cheek. "I guess I don't get why you're sticking around, Steve. I'm a mess, and right now… I don't want to be a burden on you, or anything."

"You aren't a burden. Besides, we're both messes. I'm 'sticking around' because I want to."

"But why?" I quietly plead, confused as to why anyone would want to be around me right now.

He breathes out and I watch his right hand reach ahead to cup my face, thumb brushing my high cheekbone. "I never told you about those four days you were missing, huh?" I shake my head. "Well, it was… it was bad, Roni." His eyes widen. "Shit, I mean -"

"No, no. Tell me." I stop him, head moving all the more into his hand. He nods.

"Well, Nance asked at lunch if me, Tommy and Carol had seen you or Barb around school. We hadn't, and that whole day I felt weird. Like something was wrong. And then Nancy told me she'd called the Hollands, who said they hadn't seen Barb. I… Roni, I was such a jerk. I didn't want to say anything about you guys being at my place because I was too scared of my dad laying into me." He roughly admits, eyes getting wet as he looks over my shoulder. "Like, that was my first reaction because I was such a dick back then."

"Steve -"

"That changed when she told me you were missing, too." Hazel eyes refocus on me, and they're so breathtakingly clear. "She was walking away when she told me, and Tommy found me having a panic attack in the alley by the basketball court. I'm not saying I didn't care about Barb's safety, but I knew… I knew if you were missing, then Nancy was right to be worried. I spent the first two nights you were gone searching the woods in my backyard. Tommy found me freezing my ass off by my pool the morning after and pretty much had to force-feed me. And the whole time I looked for you, all I could think about was you lying somewhere dead. I thought you were dead for four days. It was the worst thing I ever had to go through. So when I saw you behind the Hawk… Roni, I thought I was dreaming. But of course you'd be around to watch me be an asshole." He shakes his head at himself and smiles at me. "You looked so badass. Like some kind of superhero, and you took my breath away."

His thumb strokes my cheek and I remember him doing the same thing that day, in-between him and Jonathan trading blows. "So I need to be here, because I woke up this morning afraid you weren't. I can't lose you." He admits quietly, like it's the greatest secret in the history of the world.

I clear my throat a little, then read his darkened eyes. It only takes a few seconds to find what I'm looking for. "If I asked you to hold me, would you say yes?"

"Yes."

"Then please hold me." I whisper.

His resolve to keep some distance snaps like a rubber band as his right hand lowers to grab my waist - mindful of the fading bruises on my ribs - and tugs me into him, my head on his chest and our legs tangled together. My breath catches as his lips land on my forehead, his left hand holding his head up as he looks down at me. My left arm comes up to hold onto the collar of his polo, playing with the soft fabric a bit.

"The kids called thirty minutes ago. And Joyce, and Hopper." Steve tells me. "I'm surprised you didn't wake up with how loud the phone and walkies were."

"Tired. Call them later?"

"When you're ready to, Roni. And Tina asked about you earlier, in school." I murmur a little. "And Nance. Wanted to make sure you knew she's thinking about the two of you."

"That's nice of Tina." I smile, nuzzling into his chest some more.

"Yeah, a lot of people asked about you. It's like you're popular or something." I snort at the heavy sarcasm, smiling when he kisses my cheek. "Oh, and get this - Tommy wanted to check in, too." I pull back a bit and stare up at him in shock. He just nods. "Yeah, I made that same face. He and Carol hope you feel better."

"Huh."

"Yeah. But wait, there's more - he said he thought you were always cool."

"No way."

"Yes way."

I smirk. "Do you think he realizes he made a pun? Ice Queen, cool."

"Well, everyone knows you like puns, so probably."

"If he weren't a total douchebag I'd be more inclined to compliment him, too." Steve laughs. "I wasn't kidding, Steven."

"No, I know. That's why I'm laughing." He sobers up a bit. "I mean, he's not completely awful. He checked in on me, too."

"Oh." I blink up at him. "Then I guess he's got some redeeming qualities." I yawn, pressing my forehead into Steve's collarbone. He pulls me into him even more, and our closeness is a comfort rather than something I want to shove away.

"Is this okay? It isn't too much?" He asks, and I shake my head.

"No. I feel safe. You make me feel safe."

Lips press down on the top of my head. "So do you." He mumbles into my curls. His chest vibrates, and it takes a few moments to realize he's humming Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy. I join him, lips curling into a small smile.

Creaking floorboards tear me from the moment, and I gently lift my head to see my mom sneaking past my room. Our eyes somehow meet and she only smiles in what must be relief. "Hey, c'mon. Close your eyes. Sleep time, Ronniekins." Steve mumbles tiredly, and I roll my eyes. "I'll be here when you wake up." He tiredly finishes, voice sounding far away. The movements of his chest as he breathes soothes me, and the beating of his heart is the best kind of lullabye a girl could ask for.

Waking up in Steve's arms is a revelation. Of course, my first thought as my eyes blinked open was that my mom had put a heavy blanket over me. It wasn't until I looked down and saw an arm crossed over my stomach that I remembered who's in my bed. Somehow during our nap Steve ended up on his front, the left side of his face pressed into the pillow and his right leg thrown over mine. His left arm is awkwardly bent over his head like he's posing for a magazine or some shit, but it's the soft smile on his face that really grabs my attention. He looks a little like a cherub, cheeks flushed pink and lashes enviously long. They flutter as his eyes move under his closed lids.

I find myself lifting my left arm to stroke the limb holding me down to the bed, our bodies still covered by warm blankets and a fluffy comforter. My fingers run lazily up and down his arm, drawing invisible designs as they move. I close my eyes again briefly, ears catching onto light voices coming in through my open doorway. I yawn silently, ready to wake up, and find Steve blinking rapidly, eyes fighting off exhaustion as he wakes up.

"Hi." I whisper when Steve's finally alert, and he grins at me, nuzzling his head closer to mine.

"Hey." Plump lips kiss my cheek, the tip of my nose, my temple. "You ready to get up, or do you want to sleep some more?"

"Been sleeping all day, handsome. 'Sides, think we have company." I nod towards the door and he sighs forlornly.

"Well, if we have to, I guess we can get up." Steve's stomach growls and I laugh at the timing.

"Looks like we have to, Teddy Bear." I tease, remembering the promise I'd made on Monday in the hospital.

He groans and pinches my hip, and regrettably a giggle escapes. "You suck, blonde Gremlin."

"Hey." I smack at his back and he smirks.

"If you can call me 'Teddy Bear' I can call you that."

"Whatever. Let's just see what's going on. Need to move." I mumble, the reality of today crashing down once more.

He nods and rolls over, getting up with small groans and stretching out. I shiver as I kick away the covers and slowly crawl out of bed, Steve there to catch me when I almost fall, legs pretty much asleep. "Whoa, I've got you." He mutters, and his arm wraps around my hip, shouldering my weight as we walk away from my room and towards the kitchen.

Nancy sees me first, and I leave Steve to pull her into a hug, more ready to support her than I'd been earlier. All that sleep, it didn't fix my emotions or anything, but I feel more aware, less on edge.

"Guess what I got?" Nancy asks, and I sniff the air like a bloodhound, then gasp.

"No."

"Yes."

I grin and pull away from her, attention focused on the kitchen table covered in food from Sally's Place. Burgers, fries, onion rings. Club sandwiches. Milkshakes; strawberry and chocolate. There's seven though, and I cover my mouth, arm wrapped around Nancy's shoulders. "One for Barb."

"One for Barb." She confirms, and I look over to my brother and mom. They're staring at me worriedly, and it takes three steps to get to them. I hug Dustin first, murmuring small apologies in his curls that get brushed aside. Then I'm wrapped around my mom, her hand running through my hair like I'm the late beloved Mews.

"How do you feel?"

"Better. What about you? Are you okay? I should've asked sooner, but -"

"Oh, no honey, shh. Shh. I'm fine." She insists, but even a blind person could see how pained her eyes are. "Now that I can see your beautiful smile, I'm better."

I smile wider at her words and kiss her cheek. "I love you, mom."

"I love you too, dumpling."

"Do you feel a little underappreciated?" Jonathan asks behind us, and I turn to see him talking to Steve, who shakes his head while smirking amusedly. "Just me? Awesome."

Rolling my eyes a bit I cross over to hug him. "You know I love you, you dramatic bitch."

"Rude, Ver." Jonathan mumbles, and I nod into his chest.

After a few more seconds we break apart, then the others reach out for their food. I'm still not hungry, but I manage to drink a third of my strawberry milkshake and steal a handful of fries from Steve's plate. It fills me up, and while Steve seems seconds away from shoving a hamburger down my throat, Nancy, Dustin and my mom are just relieved I have something in my stomach again. The nausea faded during my nap, but I still don't want to chance it.

Barb's strawberry milkshake goes untouched, sitting in the center of the table. I wrinkle my nose as Steve slurps his chocolate shake through the thick straw, Dustin enthusiastically joining him.

Yeah, have I mentioned my dislike for chocolate shakes? Steve's just lucky I love him.

As the boys talk and mom attempts to slow down Dustin's food intake, Nance and I disappear into the living room. "We should call them now, right? We've given them time for themselves?" Nancy asks me, and I bite my lip.

"We need to. I need to. They shouldn't just have each other."

"Yeah. This is going to be rough, isn't it?" I only nod and dial the memorized number, holding up the handset between Nancy and I so we can both hear.

Marsha Holland picks up on the third ring, voice thick. "Ho-Holland residence."

"Hi, Mrs. Holland."

"Hey, Marsha." Nancy and I greet the older woman, who lets out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, oh my girls. Hello."

"We just… we wanted to check in." Nancy responds.

"That's so kind. Thank you."

"We would've called earlier, but we didn't… we didn't want to…" I trail off.

"No, it's fine Veronica. Thank you."

Guilt seizes in my chest. She shouldn't be thanking me, hell she wouldn't be in mourning at all if I'd just been quicker -

"... and it really means a lot." Nancy nudges me, noticing I've lost focus.

"Well, we just wanted you to know we're here."

"You girls have been a godsend." Mr. Holland's voice gruffs out through the phone. "Our Barb is so lucky to have friends like you."

She was lucky, yes.

"I think we're luckier." I comment, realizing I haven't spoken in a little while.

"How are you holding up, Veronica?" Marsha asks.

"Alright." I lie as confidently as possible.

"I hope you know we care deeply for you." Mrs. Holland tells me. "I don't want you to feel… don't feel guilty for anything, alright sweetheart? Not after all you've helped us with."

"We're here for you, Veronica. We hope you know that." Mr. Holland adds. "You too, Nancy. We could have dinner again next week. The house is a little crowded what with the boxes we've been packing, but -"

"That'd be great." I answer, chest loosening a bit.

"Of course. Just give us a time and date, and we'll be there." Nancy adds.

"Perfect." Mrs. Holland replies, then clears her throat. "I'm sorry, but we have to go. A few friends are on their way for a visit, and -"

"Oh, it's okay. It's fine. Um… call, if you need anything. Either one of us." Nancy promises.

"You two can do the same. Goodnight, girls. We'll call about dinner on… on Saturday." Mr. Holland tells us.

"Sounds good. Have a… feel better." I amend, and the Hollands offer the same before hanging up. Nance and I hold onto each other again, crying together again. This time though, it feels less like drowning. It's more like holding and learning to let go all at once. It's the kind of tears you spill when you accept it's time to move on. Not forget. It's like Barb said in Steve's bathroom last year, when she was still alive and we were both naive to the horrors life would throw our way. "People always leave, Veronica. But you know what we do about it? We keep moving on. We prove to the world we're more than just the forgotten. Okay?"

Okay, Barb. Here's to moving on.