I stare at the ominous pillar rising from the forest in the distance, leaning against the fence that kept people from falling down the cliff face. Behind me, the rattle of a windmill broke the silence as it spun in the night wind. The massive tower that housed the labyrinth still gave me the creeps. I sigh, realizing I had been gritting my teeth. Artoria's anger flashes through my mind and I scratch my neck.
"Overprotective huh?" I speak softly to myself. I just couldn't make sense of what Asuna meant by calling me overprotective. Artoria was just a farm girl. She wasn't a servant. She wasn't Avalon le Fae anymore, nor did she have access to her magic. Why didn't she care about her safety? Why didn't she understand that I was just looking out for her best interest?
I close my eyes, ruminating on today. I didn't want to lose Artoria again. I couldn't say goodbye again. Everyone else was already gone. But here I was, given a second chance with Artoria at least. A chance to fix what I fucked up. To bring her home this time. Yet she seemed so determined to throw that away. Did she not understand that she had been given a second chance? I shake my head.
"But that would mean…" Mash speaks, her voice trembling with pained sorrow as it trailed off. Merlin nods. I stare at the pink flowers that covered the landscape, the diminutive girl standing just ahead of us, her blonde twintails blowing in the breeze. She smiles reassuringly, yet, it was a lie. We all knew that it was a lie.
"Haha… well that was easy." Artoria speaks out, chuckling as if that made any of this fucked up situation alright. She turns to continue onwards as I ball my fists in frustration.
She didn't have a single good memory? What kind of life was that? It wasn't fair. She was one of only a handful of decent people in this shit Lostbelt. So why did she have to be denied happiness? Why the hell did she have to sacrifice herself for a bunch of worthless, piece of shit, ungrateful faeries who never should have been born?
I look over at Mash, her face that of someone trying not to cry. She looks at me, her lavender eyes locking with mine as we exchange an understanding glance. Neither of us was happy with this. Neither of us could accept this. Yet, we were forced to, if we wanted to save our world. What was that world again, anyway?
"Kaze… there you are." A familiar voice calls out to me, disturbing my thoughts. I look over at Klein as he walks up alongside me. He looks at me and grins. "I was wondering where you had gotten off to." He adds, looking at the labyrinth. I was not really in the mood to see him right now.
"What do you need?" I ask Klein curtly, looking back at the labyrinth myself.
"Just checking on a friend." Klein replies.
"You're wasting your time. I'm fine." I respond, shrugging.
"I don't think anyone is fine after getting into an argument like that with a friend." Klein counters, shaking his head.
"I'm just trying to protect her. Why won't she understand that?" I reply, asking as I look at Klein, who shrugs.
"I think she understands that you are trying to protect her. But… have you considered that maybe she wants to make her own choices?" Klein looks at me, positing a question. I shake my head.
"Her choices could get her killed. I'm just trying to make sure she makes it through this." I answer, firmly. Klein shrugs, then nods.
"True. But so could the choices of any one of us. Taking on that danger is for her to decide. Stifling her will only push her away and then you won't ever be able to protect her." Klein explains carefully, looking back to the labyrinth. "She has made it this far with all of us. She can handle herself." He continues. I look toward the labyrinth.
But that was that. This is a boss fight. It's far more dangerous. I think to myself, reflecting on what Klein had said. I sigh, preparing to speak, but Klein speaks up first.
"Are you thinking about what she wants and what makes her happy? Or what you want for her?" Klein asks firmly. I look at him, squinting.
"My interests are in her best intere-" I begin to respond, irritated, but I pause as I think.
What makes her happy? I reflect more on what Klein had said, recalling Avalon, of Artoria smiling a fake smile to reassure us all that she was fine, despite us all seeing through the truth. I was just trying to protect her but… was I perpetuating her pain? I sigh and look back at the labyrinth.
"Huh…" Is all that I manage to say as Klein looks at me. He grins and pats me on the shoulder.
"You should apologize to Asuna too. She seemed pretty wounded by what you said to her." Klein tells me, turning around to leave. I turn to watch him go. He walks off, raising a hand to wave back at me.
"Good night Kaze! See you in the morning!" Klein calls back cheerily. I watch him disappear down the streets, then turn around to look down below at the trees. I chew on my lip, thinking.
What was I protecting? I scratch my chin and look up at the night sky. I hated that smile. That fake smile that she put on, to lie and pretend everything was alright. Even though she was breaking inside. Yet, in my desire to keep her safe, had I neglected her own feelings? I was just trying to protect her from dying. But did that safety matter if she couldn't also create good memories? If she couldn't find happiness?
I let out a long sigh and shake my head.
"Guess I'll drop the issue. If worse comes to worse, I can protect her. With my life if I have to." I remark quietly to myself as I step back from the fence. I smile and nod, affirming my decision.
That's how it should be after all. I won't be the one to be saved this time. I'll make some use out of this life yet. I think to myself as I turn around and head down the path towards home.
As I crossed the bridge spanning the ravine that split Tolbana, I found my thoughts wandering to Asuna. She had been crying when I left the amphitheater. I chew my lip, thinking.
"What was it I said to her?" I talk quietly to myself, trying to recall what I had said in the heat of the moment.
"You're just some out of touch girl with a selfish and fearful desire to not confront your own issues." The words come to me as I make it off the bridge. I frown, then scowl. Had I really said something so cruel? Goddamn, I was an asshole. I scold myself internally as I walk towards home. I'd have to apologize to her. Sincerely.
Dale too. I should probably thank Dale for intervening before I said anything worse. I think to myself. Indeed, I couldn't help but feel deeply grateful for Dale. His intervention had probably stopped me from saying something I couldn't take back. Of course, who knows if Asuna will forgive me. I reflect somberly as I weave through the streets. I look at a shop, a bakery that was, by some miracle, still open. Resolving to buy something for Artoria and Asuna as apologies, I head inside.
"Welcome! We are closing soon! I hope you know what you want!" The baker says, calling out to me from the counter. I nod and walk forward, perusing what is for sale. It didn't take long for me to decide to buy two small cakes. Hopefully, the both of them liked chocolate. With the cakes purchased and in my inventory, I turn to leave the bakery.
"Thank you! Please come again!" The baker calls to me as I step out. I wave back, wondering if the NPCs even cared if I waved back. I step out into the night and make my way home.
Surprisingly, there is a light on in the kitchen when I reach my house. I stare in surprise, not having expected anyone to still be up. I approach the door and freeze as my hand rests on the door. My heart beat intensely in my chest and my hand shook. I was nervous. Who was it? Artoria? Asuna?
What should I say? What can I say? I think to myself, anxiety keeping me frozen in place. I swallow and close my eyes, trying to slow my breathing so I could calm down. Once I felt relatively calm, I open the door and head inside, looking towards the kitchen. Standing in the kitchen, stirring the pot of what smelled like a chicken soup, was Asuna, still in her gear and cape. I stare at her as she looks up from the pot to stare at me.
"Uh… Good… evening." I say awkwardly to her as she watches me. She is silent for a long time. I look down at the floor, feeling increasingly uncomfortable.
"There's chicken soup. If you want it." Asuna says quietly, grabbing my attention. I stare at her, blinking. I frown.
Why did she do that? I didn't deserve for her to have made enough for me. Not after the horrible things I said to her. I think to myself. I felt a brief surge of nausea, disgust at myself. I bow my head.
"Sorry. For earlier. I was out of line. I hope you can forgive me." I put as much sincerity into my apology as possible as I take the cake out of my inventory and offer it to her. Asuna stares at the cake, then looks at me.
"I don't understand you. But… I feel like you aren't a bad person. So… I accept your apology." Asuna replies softly, taking the cake and making me a bowl of soup. I take it, bowing my head gratefully. I walk to the table and sit down. I sip a spoonful of soup as Asuna sits across me at the table with her cake. I glance at her as she takes a bite. She pauses, then takes another bite.
Seems she likes it then. That's good. I wasn't worried about the garbage disposal unit but I know near nothing about Asuna. I think to myself as I continue to ladle soup into my mouth. It was actually decent soup. Better than anything I or Artoria made. Only Dynamm and Dale could possibly compare, though Dynamm had apparently stopped polishing his cooking skill.
"The soup is good. You're a capable cook." I speak up between mouthfuls. Asuna looks up from her cake and looks at me. She nods softly.
"Thank you. I didn't do anything special though." She responds, modestly, almost dismissively. I frown. It seemed she still was pretty cold to anything that wasn't getting out of this game. I sigh, scratching my head.
"Just accept the compliment…" I state tiredly, shaking my head. "Why are you so obstinate?" I add, looking at her for an answer. She chews and swallows and looks down at the table.
"I'm not here to sit around, eating cake or other nice foods. I'm here to clear the boss and all the others so I can get out of here." She replies flatly.
"You'll just burn yourself out. Sure, you say you want to get out of here but having a goal isn't enough to keep yourself going. We've been here for over a month. It will take time to get out of here. You have to have ways of refreshing your mental state. Raising morale. Motivating yourself in the moment." I respond, trying to carefully pick my words to not be overly critical.
"How do you know that? You act like you speak from experience." Asuna replies, looking at me with a blank and disinterested expression. I frown.
Yeah… how the hell am I supposed to respond to that? I can't exactly tell her that I've spent the last nearly two years in life or death situations in another world. I think to myself as I try to figure my way out of the bind I was in. Asuna frowns as I search for an answer.
"Because I've had high stress goals to work towards. I wouldn't have gotten by without taking breaks. Look at it like this. If you die, you're never getting out of here. Burning out, stressing, developing tunnel vision. It will get you killed because you'll be too focused on what is in front of you and not around you. Developing reasons to fight in the moment, and the relationships to have people cover your ass… that is what will get you to the end. Sure, it will take time, but you can't solo the boss, so you are ultimately stuck waiting for others to catch up." I explain carefully, watching as Asuna listens and eats.
"I still don't see why stuff like this matters." Asuna interjects, pointing at the cake and my soup.
"Well, because long term goals are good, but short term goals are important too. The little things that make life worth living, whether that be as simple as making it through a… quest so you can go home and take a bath or finishing a boss fight so you can make it to a friend's party. What's the point of fighting if there's nothing to return to? You aren't returning to the real world anytime soon, so this is your world for now. You have to find a home in this world, and continue living life. Even in the worst situations, there can be ways to find fun or happiness. Even if it is fleeting, I think it still has value." I speak carefully, and smile softly. My words were as much for myself as for her.
After all, I can barely remember what my world is like. I just want those of us who are left to make it back. So Da Vinci can rest and Mash can have a normal life. I find myself brooding as Asuna thoughtfully finishes her cake in silence. After taking the last bite, she looks at me.
"I can't make sense of you. I understand what you're saying but… I don't understand how you came to those conclusions." She replies softly, speaking slowly. I nod and shrug.
"Sorry. Can't help you there." I reply, earning a nod from Asuna.
Good, seems like she has accepted that answer. I think to myself with relief as Asuna stands up. I finish my soup and look up at her.
"I'm going to bed. Goodnight." Asuna states plainly, heading into the room that apparently was no longer mine.
"Good night." I reply as she closes the door. I yawn and look at the closed door to Artoria's room. Figuring she must have already gone to bed, I resolve to wait til tomorrow to apologize to her. I walk over to the couch, the last bastion of my house that still belonged to me.
I should start charging rent. I think wryly to myself as I lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling.
Tomorrow would be a big day. The first time we could be facing a boss. First time we would be operating with a larger team. I couldn't help but find myself flipping between fear and excitement. After all, I didn't have servants this time around. It was just me, a bunch of other people and our month or so of practice on far easier monsters. In the end though, all I can hope for is that we all make it back alive.