Chapter 10:
Mackland made his way up the stairs and smiled at the sounds he heard behind the Winchester's door.
"Dean I'm fine, just a little sore."
"Well excuse me Princess I didn't mean to hurt your delicate feelings."
Sam laughed and groaned as his jarred ribs made themselves known.
"You're an ass."
"That's what I thought. You're in pain."
Sam looked up as Mackland pushed open the door.
"Well, that's what the Doctor is for. Not overbearing big brothers." Sam smirked.
"As you can see Mac, the smartass over here is talking." Dean said with a roll of his eyes.
"I am happy to hear that. How are you feeling Samuel?"
Sam shrugged and hid behind his bangs, not at all like the confident teenager that he had been acting like for the last couple of years.
"My head hurts a little. My ribs only hurt when I breathe, and my hand still feels like it's on fire. But I can talk without sounding like a complete freak so over all I am okay. I'm guessing you found the block or whatever?"
"I certainly did."
Samm squirmed uncomfortably.
"What uhh... what was it like in there?" Sam asked.
Mackland gave the boy a small smile.
"I did not see anything in there that you need to be nervous about Samuel. Believe me, I have very little interest in poking around in the private thoughts of a teenaged boy... And I already know about the Red Caboose."
Dean began to laugh uncontrollably, as he thought about the bar, he had brought his brother to to lose his virginity as Caleb had done for him. Sam let out an embarrassing squeak and hid under the covers.
"Dean? Can you go get Caleb?"
"Why, do you need something?"
"No, I am going to kill him." Sam mumbled.
Dean chuckled softly before rising from the chair.
"Don't bite off more than you can chew Sammy. I'm gonna go grab you some food. You good to sit with him for a few Mac?"
"Don't worry Dean, just going to give him a quick once over."
Dean left the room with a nod and Mac carefully peeled back the covers to look at Sam's reddening face.
"I did not mean to embarrass you Samuel, I was trying to reassure you that I saw nothing you should worry about."
Sam nodded awkwardly.
"So? What did you see? Crawling around in my brain."
Mackland sighed softly.
"Let me take a look at your hand and I will tell you about it."
Sam sat up with a groan and placed his hand in the Doctors. Mackland unwrapped it to look at the burn, and a flash of the Sam with yellow eyes made its way through his eyes.
"Mac? What did you see?"
"Well... I saw you. You were the one guiding me through your mind, through your memories."
Sam frowned.
"I'm not sure I understand Mac, I don't remember anything."
"I don't think it was you exactly, more like a subconscious part of you. It helped me navigate through the doors in your head. Separate the good memories from the bad. And then when I got to the locked door, he helped me talk to the Guardian who was blocking that door."
"Guardian?"
Mackland smiled at the youngest Winchester.
"It was Dean. He pulled a gun on me and everything. He wouldn't back down until he told you it was okay, and then he turned into a green dragon."
Sam smirked and hid it under his hair.
"Athewm..." He whispered. "I guess that makes sense that he would be protecting me from bad memories... did you see what happened in that house?"
"I'm afraid I could only see what you saw Sam. Nothing more. I do want you to know you do not need to be afraid."
"I'm not afraid Mac. What is it that you aren't telling me?"
Mackland stopped wrapping up Sam's injured hand and reflected privately on what had caused it. He desperately wanted the boys to feel safe, however he couldn't ignore that this was caused by one of The Brotherhood's weapons that had fallen into the wrong hands. He couldn't tell Sam any of this, so he decided to focus on what he thought he could fix.
"Sam... the version of you that helped me? I am concerned that he may play a bigger role in your life then you show to all of us."
"Okay? I am not sure what you want me to say to that?"
"Well... that Sam? He didn't seem to like himself very much. I am concerned that you may feel the same way."
Sam scoffed.
"Pretty sure this is about to drift into what Caleb and Dean refer to as "chick flick territory". I like myself just fine Mac."
"I don't think he felt like he belonged."
Sam stilled and Mackland knew he had hit a nerve.
"You belong here Sam."
"Yeah, Jim says the same thing... I am just not sure I have the same faith that you do."
"And why is that?"
Sam smiled.
"You all have your place at the table, you know? I can see exactly where each of you fit in The Brotherhood and I guess I thought that at some point I would see where I fit in but, I don't see my place here, I haven't in a long time... and that ring? It's..."
"It's what Samuel?"
Sam shook his head.
"It's too heavy."
"I didn't give it to you because I wanted it to burden you Sam. I gave it to you because you earned it."
"I know, and I appreciate that Mac, but Merlin's castle? The dragons? It's all a fairy tale. Prince Samuel is a figment of everyone's imagination. I'm not him. I'm not that pure."
Mac frowned.
"What do you mean not pure."
Sam closed his eyes and turned away from Mackland.
"Nothing... just forget it. I'm tired Mac. I just want to sleep."
Mackland stood and for a moment allowed his hand to drop to the top of Sam's head. He wanted to tell Sam everything, but he thought of that yellow eyed teenager in Sam's psyche who said "There are things in there... that Sam can't know... and believe me he doesn't want to know."
He was shaken out of his inner thoughts as Dean came back to the room with a sandwich and a glass of water. The older Winchester frowned and placed the plate on the end table.
"Is everything okay?"
"Yes, Dean everything is fine. I think Sam is just tired. I shall let him rest."
Mackland took his leave, he had the need to talk to his own son.
Dean sat down on the bed next to his brother's head.
"Sammy, you can't fake sleeping not with me."
Sam swallowed and flexed his hands, before turning over, hiding his face against his brother's hip. Dean placed his shaky hand on Sam's head. It had been years since Sam had acted like this and it set off every big brother alarm, he had.
"Jesus kid, are you alright?"
"I don't know..."
"Just tell me what's wrong... Mac said you were alright."
"I am!"
"No, you're not!" Dean growled in frustration. "Did Mac hurt you? When he was in your head?"
"Mac didn't do anything... it's not his fault... it's just me. I don't belong here."
Dean slid off the bed so he could see his brother's eyes.
"Sammy look at me."
He waited until two watery hazel eyes met his.
"That's not true, and even if it was? You would always belong with me, okay? You are always going to come first before everything."
"Why?"
"Because you're my brother you big dope."
Dean watched as Sam ate his food in silence and when his eyes began to droop Dean pushed him slowly back into bed. He waited until he knew Sam was asleep before leaning forward and whispering in Sam's ear.
"I will always keep you safe Sammy, always."