chapter3: A Terrible Plan

Sam

"You have got to be fucking kidding me," I swore. "What are we gonna do?"

"What can we do?" Isaac asked rhetorically- and quietly.

"Well, we know where Weiss is!" Ruby said enthusiastically, her mood unlike everyone else

in the room. "We just have to go find her and bring her back!"

Jen shook her head. "It's not that simple, Ruby."

"Why not?"

"Well, the Ukraine is another country, and it's far away," Isaac explained. "There's flights

and borders and stuff. You can't just go there, you have to have passports and visas and it

could be dangerous."

Seeing Ruby's confused look, Jen explained, "It would be like trying to get her out of

Mistral."

"Yeah, if Mistral had a little uprising supported by Vacuo," Cliff remarked dryly.

"It's a big place, it'll be hard to find her," Ben added. "One in a million, literally."

"But she's here! We have to go get her! It can't be that hard!" Ruby said, waving her arm.

"We're so close!"

I nodded. "I think it might be possible, but we need to plan and prepare-"

"No, fuck that," Cliff snapped. "We are not trying any elaborate goddamn plan that's not

gonna work and gonna get us all killed."

"So what the hell are we gonna do?" I asked. "We can't just leave her in goddamn Donetsk!"

Cliff folded his arms. "Simple. We walk into the Ukrainian consulate, we explain the

situation, and we take our fucking chances that they don't think we're insane."

"That's not gonna work, Cliff!" I shouted. "They probably won't believe us, and if they do,

then what? If they can do anything- if- then the shit's really gonna hit the fan! Government

agents, detention, I don't even fucking know but it's not gonna be pretty."

"And do you think we can pull off a rescue mission?" Cliff roared back. "Even if we can get

into the country, even if we can get to Donetsk, even if we can find Weiss, even if we don't

get killed in the process, how the fuck are we supposed to get Weiss back here? Think this

through, god damn it!"

"We can't leave her there," I insisted.

"Look, I'm not going to go as far as to say we should," Cliff replied intensely. "But we

cannot get her out. Not without help."

I sighed. "Fine. We'll try your way first."

~ E M E R G E N C E ~

"Can I help you?" the receptionist asked when we walked in. She had an accent, but her

English was very good overall.

I smiled as I walked up to the desk, Isaac about a step or two behind me. "Hi, I know this

may sound odd, but we have a friend in the Ukraine who we think is in danger and we need

to get her out."

"This is not a matter we generally deal with," she replied politely, but firmly.

"Yeah, but we don't know where else to go," I pleaded. "We're really worried about her."

"I must take this to the head of the post and perhaps higher," she said after a moment. "Can

you describe your friend? Give a name and description, please."

"Okay, uh, her name is Weiss Schnee," I explained. "She's about five feet tall, icy blue eyes,

snow white hair, usually in an off-centre ponytail. She's seventeen, skinny, not, uh, not well

endowed. The last thing we know she was wearing is was a blue-white bolero jacket,

matching skirt, and ankle-length wedge boots."

"She also carries a sword with a revolver cylinder in it," Isaac added not-so-helpfully.

"Usually."

I got a bit worried when she started typing. I got really worried when her voice turned from

carefully neutral to discernibly angry and she snapped at us, "Is this a joke? She is anime

character!"

"It's not!" I insisted. "Look, about two weeks ago we found Ruby Rose in Vancouver. We

tried to find the rest of her team, but we couldn't find them. Then, yesterday, Cliff- our

friend- saw a video that showed Weiss Schnee in Donetsk. We're pretty sure it's real and we

need to get the team back together and find a way to get them home."

"I don't blame you for having a hard time believing this," Isaac offered. "I mean, I wouldn't

have believed it if I didn't see Ruby in the flesh. We can bring her here if it helps."

In retrospect, actually explaining what happened probably wasn't the best idea. It just made

the lady even more angry.

"I don't know if you think this is funny, if is dare, or if you get money, but consulate is

serious business," the receptionist scolded harshly, now quite angry. "In times like this, it is

not only offensive, but it waste our time and we can't help people who are actually in need!

Now get out before I report you for the violations!"

"What violations?" Isaac began asking before I literally dragged him out of the consulate

lobby, myself swearing under my breath.

~ E M E R G E N C E ~

Isaac and I walked back into Ben's apartment, generally feeling like shit. Ruby was there,

waiting eagerly for us, and that made my feel even worse.

As soon as I entered, Ben immediately asked, "Did it-"

I cut him off. "Nope."

"How badly did it-"

"Really fucking horrible. There's no way they're going to help us."

"But we have to help Weiss!" Ruby protested.

"I know, Ruby, I know," I reassured the girl, then turned to the rest of the group. "So, what's

our plan?"

"No goddamn plan," Cliff objected. "We're not going to do anything. I'm not going to do

anything."

"You're just gonna stand by and do nothing?" Ruby asked angrily.

He shook his head. "No. I'm gonna stand by and live my life."

I snapped at him, "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Look, I know you may think I'm a horrible fucking human being for saying this, but I have

my own ass to look out for. Even if I don't get killed horribly in the Ukraine, I'm gonna miss

at least a week of school-"

I knew Cliff had a point, but his attitude was really pissing me off. "Oh, boo fuckity hoo,

you're gonna a miss a whole goddamn week of school!"

"Yeah. That's enough for me to stand a serious chance of failing. BCIT isn't your stodgy

fucking university. And if I fail, my whole fucking life goes down the toilet. My parents are

gonna ask why I failed, and what am I supposed to tell them? Oh, that's right, I was in

fucking Donetsk rescuing a fictional fucking character. Goodbye education, goodbye career,

goodbye parents that don't think I'm a colossal failure."

"Damn it, Cliff, that's not a guarantee. You can find some excuse, you can make up the

work. It's not gonna be that bad."

"It's gonna be bad," he disagreed. "Sam, you know I quit engineering because it was too

much work. How the hell am I supposed to handle going into a warzone and coming back to

a metric shitload of homework and twice that in questions?"

I snapped at him, "So that's more important to you? You care more about having an easy life

than saving a human life."

He snapped back, "That's stretching it and you know it. I'm pragmatic. At this point, Weiss

is an abstraction. Yes, logically, I know she's a human being, Ruby's friend and teammate, a

girl that's lost and alone. But emotionally? Yeah, I feel a little sympathy, I'll admit that, but

at the end of the day it's not my concern."

"You heartless mother-"

"Let me fucking finish. You see those ads about those African kids who are dying? Does it

tug at my heartstrings? Yeah, I don't want to admit it, but it does. It's not real enough for me,

and I have other concerns at the front of my mind that take priority."

"But this is Weiss!" Ruby protested.

Cliff totally ignored her and kept glaring at me. "You think this is easy for me? You think I

want to live knowing I let down Weiss goddamn Schnee? I don't want to. But I'm smart

enough to understand what I can and cannot do and I will push down the negative emotions

and force myself to do what I need to do-"

"Cliff, you son of a-"

Jen stepped between us. "Look, you're both right, and you're both wrong. If we do this, it's

going to require sacrifices by all of us. We're risking a lot, I know, and that's never easy. But

we can do it."

"Rise to the challenge, guys," Isaac interjected quietly.

Jen took a deep breath. "I suggest we figure out how we're going to do this, hypothetically,

and then we can decide if we're actually going to go through with it or not."

She turned to Cliff, who blanched at her glare. "Do you think you can do that?"

He sighed. "Yeah. I can do that."

I began to apologize. "Look, man, I know I've been a dick-"

"And I'm a heartless pragmatist. I will apologize for my outburst, but my opinion still

stands." Cliff half-apologized.

"So, are we doing this?" Ruby asked.

"Maybe," I replied. "We need to figure out how we're going to do it first."

"Don't we just go there, find Weiss, and bring her back?"

"We have a saying on Earth," I replied. "The devil's in the details."

"The devil?"

"Basically, it means the details are the potentially problematic parts," Isaac explained.

"Let's divide this into parts," Ben suggested.

I nodded. "Sure. Part one, get to Donetsk."

"Do we fly in?" Isaac asked.

"No, we're gonna spend two months on a ship," Ben snapped sarcastically.

"Actually, that's potentially a problem," Cliff said. "I don't think we can fly into the Ukraine.

It's a no-fly zone because of what happened with that Malaysia Airlines flight. That means

we're going to have to fly into, say, Poland and cross the border by land."

"And getting to Donetsk?"

Cliff shrugged. "We drive and hope nobody stops us. We may have to bribe some people

along the way. And hope nobody shoots us."

I nodded. "Okay, piece of cake. Part two, we need to find Weiss in Donetsk."

"And convince her to come with us," Cliff added.

I nodded again. "And convince her to come with us."

Ruby offered, "I can do that."

Cliff shook his head. "No. In fact, we can't bring Ruby at all."

"Why not?" Ruby asked.

"We can't take Ruby with us?" I asked.

"Unaccompanied minor, although that's a minor problem compared to the fact that she

doesn't exist here and has no identification documents," Cliff explained.

"Oh," Ruby muttered, disappointed.

"Isn't that a problem for Weiss, too?" Isaac asked.

"Shit, yeah, it is," I replied. "But that's part of part three. Get Weiss out of Donetsk."

"We're not done part two," Ben said.

"Yeah. How do we find Weiss?"

Isaac shrugged. "Well, we're just going to have to ask around. She is pretty distinctive."

"That might be all we can do," Jen agreed.

"And convincing her?"

Cliff pondered it for a moment. "I think a recorded message from Ruby is the best we can

do. I'd say we could do a phone call, but there's no guarantee we'll be able to get cell

service."

"This is a pretty shaky plan," Ben said.

"Yeah, I know," I agreed. "Okay, part three. Get Weiss out of Donetsk."

"Back the way we came in?" Ben suggested.

Isaac shook his head. "Have to get her through two borders."

"That's pretty much inevitable," Cliff pointed out. "We'll need to get her a forged passport,

and we might have to do that in, say, Kyiv. I don't know if we have a picture that will work

for it here."

He paused. "I think it's worth noting that what we're planning to do is incredibly illegal,

stands a decent chance of getting us all arrested, and could result in everything going to

hell."

"That's the risk," Jen said.

"Where do we get a forged passport?" I asked.

"Maybe somewhere where people get shot," Cliff suggested.

Ben answered, "The darknet, obviously."

I summarized, "So, we fly into Poland, cross the border, make our way to Donetsk, find

Weiss, get her to come with us, go back to Poland, and fly back home."

"That's right. Easy as pie."

"Okay, so we have a plan," I finished. "It's a shitty plan, and it's incomplete as hell, but we

have something to work with."

"You're all forgetting one thing," Ben pointed out.

Cliff caught on immediately. "It's money, isn't it? Yeah, this is gonna be expensive."

"It's always about the money," Ruby sighed.

"How much money are we talking?" I asked. If it wasn't too much, maybe we could all pitch

in and we'd have enough to pull this off.

"Probably ten grand, minimum," Cliff replied immediately, dashing my hopes. "Maybe

more. I don't know what a fake passport costs."

I asked, "Where the hell are we gonna get that?"

"Rooster Teeth," Isaac suggested.

"Do you think that will actually work?"

"Do you have any other ideas?"

"No," I admitted. "Okay, today's Saturday. I want you guys to look for how to get a fake

passport, how to get into Ukraine, flights and all that, and how to get to Donetsk. Isaac, you

can get us money. We'll meet again for dinner on Monday and we can figure out the final

details."

"This is gonna be awesome!" Ruby shouted.

Cliff was much more sanguine. "Man, I can't believe we're actually thinking about doing

this."