WARNING: This chapter contains characters with descriptions of self harm.

Chapter song: 'Misty' - NCT127.

The name of the female character in this chapter is Hayami Inoue.

[Kuroko No Basket belongs to Tadatoshi Fujimaki]

[English isn't my first language, so please be kind]

4

(Seijūrō Akashi)

No Regrets

I had forgotten how Atsushi liked to eat.

It was a surprise to learn he was coming to Kyoto, and an even bigger surprise when he agreed to meet with me.

It wasn't that we were still fighting after everything that had happened in the last few years, it was just that it felt strange to talk to the Generation of Miracles like normal friends, without needing to lead them or impose my will on them. Especially when it comes to Atsushi.

- Excuse me, sir; do you want another round of dishes? - One of the waiters approached and asked. They were cautious when talking to me and apparently didn't like Murasakibara's appearance, but after they knew the bill would be paid without any problems the treatment improved.

"Let's go to a restaurant and you'll have everything you want to eat", that's what I said to Atsuhi after we left the national Physics competition he was attending. Yōsen High was just as demanding as Rakuzan when it came to students' grades and Atsushi needed to have excellent grades and an outstanding performance in basketball to guarantee his stay there.

- Do you want anything else? - I asked Atsuhi and the girl who was with him.

- I can't eat anything else! - Suki smiled, she had been nervous since we entered the restaurant and leaned on Atsushi as if he were a great safe haven. She had never visited Kyoto before so her greenish eyes seemed bright and curious about everything in front of her.

She was the girl Atsushi asked me for advice months ago, I was happy to know that things worked out since I wasn't myself back then when I said those things to him. Although I still didn't know for sure which one of me was right.

- I'm satisfied - Atsushi finally put down the cutlery, finishing his third plate of dolsot bibimbap and placing it with the others. Now he should not complain about food for about two hours.

- We are satisfied, thank you - I said to the waiter. It didn't take long for the staff to clear the table, but I asked for some more water to be served for Atsushi and Suki.

- You're very stingy, Aka-chin - Atsushi said suddenly - if you could spend like that you should have taken us out to eat more often when we studied at Teikō.

- Atsushi! - Suki immediately scolded him, pinching Atsushi's shoulder, making him writhe in pain.

She soon turned to me and apologized while Atsushi exaggerated the extent of his pain for her to comfort him.

I know some of the restaurant customers thought we were making too much noise, but I didn't care. I took out a list that I had been keeping in my pocket and that I started taking with me everywhere, and I crossed out Atsushi's name, which gave me great relief.

All the names were finally crossed out, all but one.

- How long will the competition last? - I asked Suki when we left the restaurant. She was extraordinarily tall, but not as tall as Atsushi.

- Three more days - she did the numbers with her hands - the school year has just started, it couldn't be longer than that.

- If you want we could go out again - I said, hopeful - but I think I'll come see you anyway, it was fun to see Atsushi answer the questions so quickly.

- No, it wasn't - he replied - but Su-chin did well too, I wouldn't have been able to read all those words in time if she didn't summarize it for me.

- It was teamwork - she raised her hand and Atsushi tapped it lightly.

Teamwork, I know someone who really valued that.

We had finally left the building, my driver was waiting for me as always.

- Are you sure you don't want a ride?

- Actually...

- It is not necessary! - Suki interrupted Atsushi, holding him by the arm. She probably didn't want to give me any more trouble - We're going to walk around a bit before going back to the hotel, we still have some free time.

- What Su-chin said - Atsushi rolled his eyes, but I realized he wanted to smile.

Despite seeming uninterested in most things, I thought he was having fun with Suki.

- Alright - I waved to them one last time before getting in the car - you can call me if you need, and maybe I'll see you tomorrow.

I was still smiling when I got in the car, happy and relieved to have had a nice afternoon with those two. I hoped that over time Suki would become more comfortable with me, that they would all become more comfortable with me again.

That's why I really missed living in Tokyo, this way it would be easier to meet most of them.

- We can go to that place now - I looked at the time on the car display, I still had time, but I didn't want to be late for my appointment.

"That place" was how my father said I should refer to therapy in front of the servants and in public, because if someone found out that I needed help, that would be a weakness in the family, and my family should not be weak.

But the more I read about what I felt, the more I realized I needed help.

- Your father called, young master, he wants us to go somewhere first.

- What? - I was genuinely surprised by my driver's words since my father rarely added plans spontaneously. Of course he didn't care or remember that I had an appointment today, but I couldn't do anything - Alright, let's go.

I took the list from my pocket again and analyzed each name I had written there. Shintarō's name was the first of the list obviously, since I owed it to him like the good old friends we used to be, and I kept adding more names as I remembered the things my other self said or did to the people I cared the most, until I noticed that I was actually avoiding one name more than any other.

Just looking at that name hanging on the bottom of my list left me with a feeling of anxiety and anguish, and my stomach started to turn, or it was just the result of the different types of food that Atsushi made me try that afternoon. Anyway, all I felt was regret that everything was over and left behind without discussions or attempts at rapprochement. And it was all my fault.

We hadn't talked for three years, but I think I could track down her new phone number... Being nervous won't do any good since she would probably refuse to talk to me anyway.

The driver took me to a restaurant not far from where we were, as I had taken Atsushi and Suki to one of the best districts in the city, but this one was more expensive and more exclusive than the other. The kind of place people went not to eat, but for status which in this case would be a good thing, since I wouldn't be able to eat anything.

It was still too early for dinner, so I assumed that the person my father would be meeting must have a tight schedule just like him and for some reason he needed my presence. Maybe to introduce me as the future of the family, something he usually did, or maybe the person simply liked basketball.

I was taken to a private area of the restaurant accessed only by those with special permission. I was ready to do my usual presentation as soon as the staff opened the sliding doors when my eyes caught sight of the girl on the other side.

"Rare and unusual beauty", that was the meaning of her name, and Hayami was even more beautiful after three years.

My presentation was a little awkward at first due to my surprise, but for the first time my father didn't seem to mind as the discussion with the head of the Inoue family seemed more important than the reunion of two teenagers.

They made me sit next to her, which left my hands shaking, and I was unable to fully extend them to accept a drink served by her father.

Hayami seemed to notice, as she took the cup from my hand and promptly poured some tea.

The adults seemed to see that as a good sign and I didn't really understand why, I couldn't really understand what they were saying. My attention was on Hayami and the fact that she hadn't looked directly at me for a moment since I entered the room.

Her head was always low, and she hid her gray eyes with the help of her hair. The Hayami I knew liked elegant and bright clothes, but now she looked like she was dressed for a funeral. Despite the hot weather, she covered both her arms.

- There's nothing more to discuss, it's already been decided - I heard Hayami's father say, and this time I noticed that she squeezed both eyes so hard as if she could explode anything over the wide and decorated round table.

I still didn't understand what was going on, but apparently Hayami did, and she hated it.

- The union of the Inoue and Akashi families will happen when they both reach adulthood - my father's voice took over the room, authoritative and absolute as always - and this agreement cannot be undone.

The two chiefs exchanged friendly words for the rest of the night and had some drinks to celebrate what they had done.

As for Hayami and I, we had become engaged without exchanging a word.

My father and I came in separate cars, so it wasn't difficult to convince him to let me go back alone since he had another late-night meeting with a foreign investor. I saw when Hayami also escaped from her father, she was a master at this, even more than me, and I waited for her in the hallway that led to the bathroom.

As invasive as it could be I needed to talk to her before leaving.

- We need to talk - that's what I said to Hayami when she finally showed up and I regretted saying them soon after. I should have started with something gentler.

There was no one in the hallway, no customers or staff, we were alone and far from our parents. Hayami tried to avoid me, but I stayed in front of her every time she tried to escape.

"If she really wanted to run away from me she could do that", I thought. Hayami was as fast as Daiki in short and long distance races, or at least she was when I met her.

- I didn't know what would happen here today - I finally said something right - I didn't want to...

Hayami finally looked at me, and her anxious expression soon turned to shame, and then to disgust. I couldn't say which one was worse. Hayami's face was shaped like a heart, and a heart shouldn't look so sorrowful.

I tried to reach out my hand to touch hers, but she immediately crossed both arms.

- I'll start at Razukan tomorrow - Hayami said. I should have worried that her usually sweet voice sounded so tense, but they were the first words Hayami said to me that night and they felt more like a postponement than a closure so I moved out of her way.

We would meet tomorrow, and the day after that. And I couldn't be happier.

The next day I waited for Hayami at the Rakuzan High gate after stopping by the teacher's room, apparently because she had arrived at school a month late a guidance counselor would be assigned to her and I was happy to apply for the position. When I compared her schedule with mine I realized that we would have the same classes, even the advanced ones, a maneuver by our parents, of course, to bring us closer together at any cost.

If she was like me, and I knew she was, her driver would have dropped her off a few streets away from school so as not to attract attention, but perhaps my presence at the gate it wasn't my best decision as most of the students passing by noticed that I was waiting for someone. Anyway the weather couldn't be better and the sakura flowers had blossomed the day before.

- What are you doing here, Sei-chan? - Reo's soft voice was the first to greet me from the group of my new friends.

Kotarō and Eikichi were right behind him, but sleepier. The weather was pleasant that morning, so the school allowed us to wear shirts with short sleeves and they all followed the instructions, except me.

- You didn't even want to go out with us yesterday - Kotarō complained, he always spoke without thinking, it was too spontaneous. Sometimes he looked like smarter version of Ryōta.

- I said I had a meeting with an old friend, but today a new student is arriving, and I want you all to help me take care of her.

- A new student? - Kotarō blinked - You mean, a girl?

Hearing the word 'girl' made Eikichi finally opened his eyes wider, but I didn't have time to explain because I saw Hayami turn the corner walking towards the school. Her uniform was brand new, well aligned and ironed to perfection. The gray tones of the outfit made her long, well-styled black hair stand out more and she chose to wear the full uniform just like me. Her pale facial features had a rosy tinge to her cheeks and it didn't took long until all the students who passed by stopped to look at her like a rare flower in the garden.

Before we grew apart, Hayami used to accompany me on the piano or with her voice when I played the violin. It may seem like a lie, but I swear I started hearing the songs she used to sing for me as she approached the group crossing the flowery street.

- You didn't need to wait for me at the gate - she bowed slightly, and her eyes not meeting mine again as she automatically began to introduce herself to my friends. It wasn't long until they were fascinated by her.

Eikichi's introduction seemed to scare Hayami, as he didn't know how to be gentle. As for Kotarō, he turned so red and so nervous that he could barely form a sentence. That made Hayami laugh, but she hid her smile when she realized I was staring and her eyes acquired again the melancholy appearance of the night before.

- So you're Sei-chan's friend? - Reo started to speak, he was the only one who didn't seem to scare her - You must be very special to keep him waiting like that.

Hayami didn't answer him; she looked at the papers I was holding and reached out her hand, careful not to touch mine as she politely took them for herself.

- I'm not special - Hayami said, she hesitated to look at me and I couldn't blame her - I'm just another assignment he needs to complete.

- I would come to welcome you anyway as the student council president... As your friend and as your fian...

- We're not friends! - Hayami cut me off with her words. She rarely raised her voice like that, it didn't suit her - Not anymore.

She promptly said goodbye to everyone in the group, except me, before finally entering the school building.

- Wait, Akashi, what did you mean by... - Eikichi tried to decipher the words that weren't spoken, but I was faster:

- I think I'll rethink my strategy. Reo, you are responsible for Hayami when I'm not around, she is delicate, and needs to be treated well.

- As you wish, Sei-chan - He smiled, even if it was forced this time

I would try to talk to Hayami today, I needed to apologize so we could move on.

If early in the morning Hayami was just another novelty, by lunchtime she was already the main topic of all conversations. She seemed to quickly integrate at the school, as everyone who approached to talk to her seemed to smile and feel good.

She ignored me during every class even though I was her guidance counselor, so I contented myself with talking to her at lunch, but that was also impossible. Hayami's table was already full and more and more people seemed to gather around to hear her speak.

- She already has so many friends.

My comment came out without me realizing it, as I was at the table with the basketball team, next to the large group that had formed at Hayami's table. Everyone sitting around her were girls, but there were so many boys standing around whose faces blushed with just a second of her attention that I began to wonder if I should be bothered by that.

There was a time when all that attention was mine.

- Why don't you join them, Kotarō? - I heard Reo say. I quickly looked at Kotarō, but he straightened his posture and pretended to be interested in the food. His face was as red as that morning when he met Hayami.

They all looked like bees surrounding a flower.

- She's perfect, isn't she?

The comment was made by Reo, and there was a bit of sarcasm in it, but I didn't care.

From afar, I continued to notice how welcoming Hayami's new friends seemed, but she still flinched when someone got too close.

That wasn't normal.

- Let's do some basic training after class - I decided - I need to go somewhere.

It wasn't difficult to convince the coach to agree to do basic training. The semester was still at the beginning and the Interhigh preliminaries still had no set dates. I knew that as defending champions we had to defend our title, but I wasn't worried. Rakuzan always looked for the best students in the country and even without Mayuzumi we had a strong team to go against anyone.

- So you decided to go to the athletics club?

Hayami was startled when I intercepted her on the way out of the club room, but Reo saw her heading towards the running tracks after class with the form in hand, so it wasn't hard to deduce what she would do next.

- I didn't know you were still competing - I added, after the initial shock Hayami took a deep breath, maybe she had accepted that she couldn't run away from me at school - that's good.

- I'm the defending champion - Hayami replied - just like you, and my father wants me to continue the legacy here.

- Your mother's legacy, she would be proud.

- Would she? - - Hayami tilted her head to the side -That's not what you told me the last time we met.

The comment was enough for her to find a gap start walking towards the exit. I wanted to rebut that, but I couldn't, because I couldn't take away the words that were said and that still hurt her.

- The last time it wasn't me... I think.

- What do you mean it wasn't you? - We were close to the gate now, Hayami was running her fingers along the walls.

I wanted to explain the situation better, but a group of students passed by and waved to Hayami, who waved back right away, but her smile quickly faded as we were alone again.

- Do you want to go somewhere with me?

Hayami looked me up and down, I was still in my training clothes and sweaty, not suitable for going anywhere.

- A friend of mine from Teikō is in town and I'm going to meet him now, do you want to come along?

- From Teikō? - Hayami looked confused. She didn't know any of my friends personally, but I talked about them to her when she came to visit me on weekends when she was away from boarding school or in the letters we exchanged. She knew about the group we formed, the titles we won and I remember telling her how the group was breaking up until we stopped talking about anything.

- I think you need to have some fun and Atsushi like arcades, let's go.

- Who is she? - Atsushi asked me while we waited for Suki and Hayami to finish catching stuffed animals from a claw machine.

Hayami was very good and never made mistakes, she had already caught four teddy bears for Suki and was on her way to a record five prizes in a row. It was funny to watch them since Suki was much taller than Hayami, but she looked more childish. I wondered if people had this perception of Atsushi and me.

- She's a friend.

- I'm also your friend - Atsushi began to wonder, he wasn't doing it out of malice, he was just bored. If I hadn't bought a box of popsicles he would have left by now - but I never heard from her.

- She's been my friend since before I joined Teikō, but we stopped talking.

- Why?

- Because I said bad things that made her upset, and I deserved the silent treatment.

Hayami took the fifth stuffed bear for Suki, who looked at her in awe along with other small children walking with their parents. Then they finally came back to the table where we were resting and Suki started showing the teddy bears to Atsushi while he finished the popsicles.

- So your father is from Europe? - Hayami asked Suki.

- Yes, he's from Denmark, but we live here now.

-That explains your eyes- Hayami replied - and your height.

They smiled and soon were talking more about their travel experiences. I was happy that Hayami was really getting along with her, but I wouldn't trade her gray eyes for anyone else.

- From now on you are Ha-chin - Atsushi said after Suki and Hayami had finished talking about their extremely different tastes in music.

- Okay - she nodded with a smile, a real smile this time, the same one that enchanted people that morning, and I noticed that Atsushi blushed for a second before turning his attention to the popsicles again.

There was a Mortal Kombat machine not far from where we were and Hayami pointed to it.

- Let's play a match - she said.

- Best of three - I replied - with a bet.

- What do you want now? - Hayami seemed annoyed again, I didn't want to take away her good mood, but I really needed to do this.

- Choose what you want first.

- If I win, I want you to talk to your father and cancel the marriage agreement, I don't want to get married because of a business obligation.

I agreed. Atsushi didn't seem to care, but I noticed that Suki seemed confused by our conversation.

- If I win - I thought about the way she had behaved since we met again, the way she seemed to avoid people, at how self-conscious she seemed to everything around it - I want you to show me your arms.

Hayami gulped. Even if she didn't show it to me, I think she had guessed that I already knew.

The first match was a draw since the timer on screen reached zero and both of our players had the same amount of health. Hayami always chose female characters and knew several combos, but I used logic and it wasn't difficult to figure out how the powers worked. The second match was also a draw as I had imitated Hayami in choosing the character and followed her movements.

When I looked at Hayami out of the corner of my eye I noticed that she was really focused on this. She really didn't seem to want to tell me the truth or maybe she didn't really want to get married.

- I won - I declared after the third match. Hayami got nervous and careless, which was enough for my player to discover her weak points.

It wasn't a flawless victory, but it still counted.

She didn't say anything, simply took off her blazer, placing it on the machine and prepared to roll up the sleeves of her shirt. Hayami showed me her right arm first and I saw the small, precise razor cuts lined up from just below her wrist to the end of her forearm.

The cuts were small enough to be hidden under clothing, but they looked painful, and from the amount I imagined Hayami was in a lot of pain. One of the wounds was covered with a bandage, probably the most recent one, which I imagined she made in the bathroom of the restaurant where we met a few days ago. Others had a reddish, pinkish color, along with others that had already blended with the color of her skin.

Hayami was going to show me the other arm, but I stopped her. I didn't want to see.

It was the first time she let me touch her hand since we met and Hayami didn't push me away even after showing me her wounds.

- I don't think I can heal on my own - Hayami said - but I also don't want to pass this sadness to you.

I nodded, then helped Hayami cover her arm with the shirt sleeve again. I wouldn't let her see how desperate the sight of razor cuts made me feel. I didn't remember these wounds when we were friends, she didn't have them... This came later, after we separated and she was left alone with the harsh words that my other self threw at her.

- We can heal together - I stated, because I knew what it was like to pretend to be okay for everyone - I can offer the unconditional support you need...

Hayami turned her face away, she must have felt embarrassed about this whole situation. With the fact that she has no control over anything, not even her destiny.

- You don't have to marry me - I pressed Hayami's hand, I wouldn't let her go - I will help you during this time and please both our parents... I will even help you cover up a relationship if you fall in love with someone else...

I stopped talking, I knew I would regret that decision if that really happened, but the important thing was that Hayami could sought the help she needed.

- Don't do that anymore, please.

Hayami sniffled. Her gray eyes were teary and her heart shaped face fit very well in my hands, becoming almost ethereal among the arcade lights.

I would help her, and if there was ever a competition for her heart... Well, I didn't like losing.

Hello everybody! As promised here is Akashi's chapter. It was a difficult chapter to write for reasons that you may have understood after reading it. Please seek help if you need it.

On Saturday I'll be back with Aomine's chapter. Reminder: it will be a continuation of a previous fanfic of mine that is already published here (The Proposal), so I suggest you read it to understand better.

See ya!