Seasons of Love
There is only one true happiness in this life, to love and be loved
"What?" he put his fork down asking at her smiling gaze
"Nothing" she smiled, remembering the first time she ever looked into those eyes "I can tell we're not going to finish this meal" she laughed
"We will, one way or another" he laughed
Spring
Mercy's POV
When I was younger like sixteen or so I assumed, naively, that I would find my ideal person and have the best ever relationship, we'd live in this magical furnished home, that would appear from where I'm not at all certain, but it would be comfortable, safe and it would be ours. Of course, my hard-working husband's meals would be on the table as soon as he walked in the door, the children would be fed, and yes you guessed it, I'd have all the energy he'd need me to have at the end of the day, before waking up at the crack of dawn to make sure he had a hearty breakfast before his day started.
One day I finally got out of bed and decided to wake up and face the truth, which was that I was destined to be single, there was no mystical man, no house with fencing, no children listening to my shit, my head had definitely been up in the clouds.
It was my nineteenth birthday and I still had never been kissed, I mean how were my dreams ever to come true if I hadn't even found a way to be attractive to men. I really didn't know what it was about me that always put guys automatically into friend zones, I was everyone's friend, good for a laugh, hell they even patted me on the shoulder instead of hugging me, like they did all the other girls.
I was baffled, for three solid years I'd followed all the tips Kurt had given me, even mimicked some of Tina's fashion ideas, but nothing except weird looks and stupid comments, so today I was going to tell them to shove their tips and readjust that dream of mine to living a life of celibacy and maybe becoming a nun, I remember smiling at that knowledge as I walked through the halls of McKinley High, about to take my first lesson of the day.
"What the hell is this?" Kurt screamed choking on his mouth full of juice as he saw me coming down the corridor towards him "Keep on walking" he ordered me, pushing me into the bathroom "Mercedes Jones, what the hell?" he took his phone out and called Tina "Bathroom stat" he snapped before he clicked the call off and looked at me shaking his head in disapproval.
"What?" I threw my hands up in the air, to me my faded blue ripped jeans, and green sweat top with a raised plastic poo on the front was a great combination, it was me today
"Golden rule Mercedes" he rolled his eyes "Blue and green, never to be seen" he hissed "Especially with a lump of what looks like shit in the middle of it"
"What's wrong with it, I'm expressing how I feel"
"Like shit?"
"Exactly"
"What's happened?" Tina burst through the doors asking, "Oh my God, Mercedes, what happened, were you dunked?"
"That's all you see as well?" Kurt asked her, shaking his head in disbelief "A lump of shit on her chest"
"Will you stop saying shit, we've established what that is, it's a feeling" I told him
"Mercedes, we talked about this" Kurt huffed at me
"I know" I frowned at his persistence "But I want someone who accepts me for who I am, not who I'm trying to be, I get it, I'm not barbie, well not barbie nineteen whatever that was, I'm Mercy, me, a new kind of woman, and if guys can't see that well..." I rolled my eyes "That's their shit"
"You two are so uncouth" Tina screwed her nose up at us
"What about your one?" Kurt asked
"Doesn't exist" I flicked my hair at him "I'm grown now, and I need to start acting like it" I huffed "And yes, I learned that the hard way"
"You won't be alone forever you know" Tina rubbed my arm pouting "Kurt got his dream, I got mine, so it stands..."
"Law of averages, two out of three, not bad" I smiled I didn't begrudge my friends a second of their happiness, I just wished I had it too. Don't get me wrong they included me in nearly everything they did, but even I knew there were times when friends needed to step aside and let relationships build, and those were happening more as time went by.
"I don't suppose there's anything we can do about this right now" Kurt's hand movements telling me he was having difficulties taking me serious right now "But we'll run home at break and see what we can do" he nodded "Just..."
"Keep a low profile" Tina smiled "And... use your books to cover the god-awful poop stain"
"We'd better get to class" Kurt filed us out the bathroom
I threw my books at my chest and followed then feeling a bit embarrassed for wearing my heart so boldly on my sleeve. They got to their class before me, and for a second I did think about leaving to change the top, maybe I had gone too far with it "Class Mercedes" I heard Miss Sylvester snap, her voice was like a whip, I hurried along and sat in the first available seat in my history class, I hated this subject.
"I see we have matching feels" a guy I didn't recognise smiled at me
"Sorry?" I looked at him shocked but smiling, if he was new, I didn't want to scare him off
"I'm the new boy for like the tenth time in my life and it feels like..." he turned to show me the identical plastic shit on the front of his top
"Oh" I looked down at my top "Yeah" I giggled throwing my books on the desk "So, you're the new guy?"
"Yeah, Sam" he smiled at me
"Mercedes" I smiled back
"Nice to meet you, you're my first friend, so keep an eye on me" he smiled "Maybe that right eye"
"Funny" I laughed, because he knew it had been on him before he spoke to me
We didn't talk about much, there wasn't an opportunity, we were in class, but when class finished, we got into it, I was smiling, I was floating, the conversation felt easy, it wasn't anything I could put my finger on, but I felt comfortable in his company. I was pleasantly taken aback when he followed me out of class, the look on my face must have given me away because he pointed at my eye "Remember I asked you to keep that right eye on me?"
"Yeah" I giggled
Of course, I introduced him to a curious Tina, her Mike, Kurt and his Blaine, and we welcomed him into our little group. Things felt better after that, I wasn't so fifth wheel anymore, we had quiet conversations of our own, talked about everything and anything and then one day we kissed, and in that moment, I knew he was the one. I knew I was going the learn a lot about love from this beautiful soul.
We found ourselves investing in each other, taking the time to get to know each other, I was suddenly finding myself being open to love, a word I'd only spoken before. I didn't recognise myself I was instigating make out sessions, asking for things I'd been told as a descent girl I shouldn't, he was making me free. He listened to me when I spoke and constantly repeated things, I'd said weeks earlier to prove to me that I was important to him, I felt like I was walking on air even when we weren't together, he'd filled me with so much confidence.
But as everyone knows all good things come to an end, and soon spring was over, summer was on its way, he was destined for his homeland, he was going to spend the entire summer with his grandparents, unsure if he was to return in the fall. We tried not to let each other see how much we were hurting; I didn't want to hold him back and he didn't want to give me false hope
"I know we said we'd never say it" he looked into my eyes
"Don't" I covered his mouth with my finger "This is already hard enough, we both smiled at the song coming over the loudspeakers as the train pulled into the station
"This has to be our song" he smiled
"It's older than my grandparents" I laughed "I don't even listen to this kind of music"
"Neither do I" he laughed "But I'll listen to this every time I think of you"
"In that case I will too"
"When I fall in love, it will be forever, or I'll never fall in love..." he sang so sweetly to me 'When I Fall in Love' by Nat King Cole
"Sam come on" his dad shouted as we watched him stepping onto the train
"I'll try my best to come back" he smiled "Bye"
"Promise?"
"Promise" he kissed me quickly and walked away "Bye" he turned and smiled at me with all that cuteness
"Bye" I stood waving until he was gone "Better to have loved and lost and all that"
Summer
"How's your fish?" the twinkle in his eye making her smiled
"As good as you left it this morning" she grinned biting her bottom lip teasingly
"That good?" he raised an eyebrow thinking about the first time he'd tasted her
Sam's POV
Of course, I went back, it took a couple of years, the long-distance thing had to work for us for a while, my parents left me with my grandparents, so I ended up going to college locally, and looking after the farm for two years, thank God for social media. We'd take turns to visit during holidays, then I spent a Christmas with her family she spent one with mine, and then the third year we moved in together and had a month-long celebration when our relationship finally went to the well awaited next level.
We were like rabbits for a long while, I'd go to pick her up at the studio and we'd start there, in restaurants we'd be giving each other gratification under the table, bathrooms were our speciality, we once done it while we were on the big wheel, there was no place we didn't attack each other. We'd watch films and smile at each other when an idea for or next venture popped up, we were up for anything, my dad had warned us that we needed to make the most of our younger years, it might not have been exactly what he meant but it was our interpretation.
I knew from the beginning that we had something, everything was just so easy for us, she was exactly what I'd been looking for, she was loving, caring, funny, ambitious, and sweet, with just the right amount of sour when she needed it. She tended to speak to me through her eyes and I found that shit sexy as hell, a look from her took away all my anxiety, which came in droves once I realised how serious we were getting, I mean who falls in unconditional love the first time they date their very first girlfriend.
She wanted to sing, I loved writing songs, that was my thing, and when I was in my creative mode I'd lock myself away and get on with it, she tended to spend time in the local studio, and when we did land in the bedroom together it was electric, something to do with creating something unique, turned the volume up for us
The one flaw about me was when I wasn't working, I found myself being super possessive of her, I demanded all her time, I didn't do well with her spending too much time away from me, whether that be for work, or pleasure, it wasn't a trust thing, I just needed her around. She was patient with me, changed her schedule sometimes, in recognition that I was going through something none of us understood.
We eventually sat down and talked openly and honestly about my anxiety, it went back to my childhood and always being left behind by my parents, once we unpicked the facts, I was able to get help, it took a few months, but I got there. After going through that communication became one of the cornerstones of our relationship, no matter how it hurt we vowed to be truthful with each other. It soon became clear to me that relationships weren't always comfortable like I'd imagined, and that getting through those uncomfortable moments made for a stronger bond.
There have been some scary realisations for us, love wasn't something we were used to dealing with outside our family units, it wasn't even a word we used in our relationship, she forbids it. Our experience of sharing a living space was hard, another test for both of us, yes, we'd been together for two years prior to cohabiting, but there were still each other's habits to overcome. She had this thing about sitting on our bed to paint her toenails at night, and she always found the moment I needed to get in to sit on it, I was constantly biting my lip to keep quiet, and squeezing under the little slither of quilt she wasn't sat on. I suppose the look on her face told me that she hated watching me bite my toenails as a part of my grooming routine.
Tina and Mike had been the first to tie the knot, that happened the summer we left college, they quickly had two children within their first two years of marriage, and it seemed they'd completed their family. They'd stayed in Lima due to their aging families, Mike travelled regularly for his work, he was a dancer, while Tina, an accomplished author wrote children's books.
Kurt finally said yes to Blaine a year ago, on his twenty fifth birthday, the ceremony was as extravagant as you'd imagine and to be honest a hard act to follow, that was why I was still lingering, I didn't want Mercy to think I was hanging on the back of them, or doing something because I thought she expected it, she'd have hated that. They'd sailed off into the sunset for some tropical honeymoon and about a month later they called to say they'd decided to live in New York, we hadn't seen them in person since, but we'd spoken regularly on the phone and other socials, everyone was living their best life.
So, we'd found ourselves in a place where all that getting to know you, trying to live with you, chaos was over, somehow five years had been swallowed up by ambition, life goals, and life in general, I was feeling stagnant, and if I was, I knew for sure she was too, it was time.
There was only each other to think about, we woke up smiling, I was always greeted with a good morning handsome, to which I'd reply good morning, Beautiful, we'd take time during our day to check in and see how the other was, and by the time we got home, there'd only be us to focus on. All that new love stuff was still happening for us, it wasn't our every minute of everyday version we started with, just a regulated three times a day, not too excessive. We'd cook together, eat, shower, flop in front of the television or opt for a night out, especially if our friends were in town, and that was our life, work had taken over.
"Babe" she walked into the spare room where I was badgering away at anther song
"Can it wait babe, I'm in the middle of..."
"No" she smiled sitting on the couch next to me "Sorry" I looked into her eyes and saw worry that got my attention
"What's up?" I put my book down to give her my full attention
"I know you know how I feel" she smiled "And I feel the same" she grabbed hold of my hand "But I'm starting to think there's more to life"
"What?" I sat up ready to listen for the words she was going to use to break up with me
"I feel like this relationship's about to change, I don't know what into, but it feels like somethings changed and I just want to touch base and make sure everything is alright with us, I mean, you're not having second thoughts or anything..."
"No" I grabbed hold of her "Hell no"
"Are you sure?"
"Very" I smiled at her, this was the moment, I wasn't going to get another perfect one like this, I was just about to open my mouth and fall to my knees when the doorbell rang "Are you expecting anyone?"
"No" she got up to go answer it
"I'll go" I pulled her back and walked off toward the front door knowing she was following me "Hey" I smiled at seeing Kurt and Blaine stood there smiling, as Mercy screamed in the background "To what do we owe this pleasure?" I asked when things died down
"We were in town and thought we'd take a chance" Blaine told him
"How's married life treating you?" Mercy asked giggling with Kurt already
"Summer, Winter" Kurt frowned
"Spring and Fall" Blaine smiled "Life I guess"
"It's tough, but we went in eyes open" Kurt hugged Blaine smiling "And of course we still love each other, that helps"
"Always" Blaine smiled kissing his husband
"Come on in" Mercy turned to go into the main room
"We've got one night, we thought we'd freshen up and go out"
"We can..." I looked at Mercy, smiling at her agreeing "Yep" I snapped "Let's, we need a blowout"
The club was as it always was, rowdy, hot, and loud, it took a few drinks for us to loosen up, but when we did, we hit the dancefloor and never stopped "Oh" Mercy groaned flinging her arms around my neck "Did you request this?" she moved slowly against me as Nat King Cole worked his magic
...In a restless world like this is, love is ended before it's begun, and too many moonlight kisses
Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun...'When I Fall in Love' by Nat King Cole
"Mercy" I smiled down at her, suddenly filled with so much love it was ready to burst out of me
"Sam" she smiled "I know you show me every day"
"No, it's not that" I looked at her red faced, I could feel myself shaking, it was high summer outside, the stickiest evening you could imagine, so of course the sweat was running down my back as if I was in the shower, and the words were stuck in my throat "I... I think we should, I mean" I pulled her closer "Will you marry me?" I felt time stop as she looked up at me shocked, her mouth open, inviting even, the silence seemed like it had gone on for an age "So?" I asked
Autum
"We're in a public place and we're not young twenty-year-olds anymore let's keep it clean" she giggled
"Clean?" he smirked
"You know I hate mess" she winked
"Mrs Evans" he smiled at her foot moving up in leg under the table
"Yes, I know" she laughed, realising she was still acting like a twenty year old
Mercy's POV
That next step was scary as hell, but we had no choice we had to take it, of course I said yes, what else was a really going to say, he was the man of my dreams, a no brainer really, everything about us fit. That was nearly three years ago, but it feels like yesterday that we walked down the aisle into each other's arms, our parent's, families, and friends all in one place because of us, I felt so special. Our honeymoon was fireworks, and private, but I will say there's something about officially being someone's wife that brings another level of intimacy into the relationship, we were like twenty-year-olds again. We turned into one of those couples we always raised our eyebrows at when they went excessive with PDA, we were so into each other, that intensity lasted for nearly two years, at full speed.
The breaks went on quickly when he walked in unexpectedly early one evening and found the pregnancy test in the bathroom, I was near the end of my two minutes, so he saw the result before I did. We were happy, absolutely thrilled, it was the next step we'd hoped for, we'd had major discussions before the wedding, while we were on our honeymoon and even sometimes after we laid exhausted but excited in each other's arms. Those conversations were always about that happening in the future, we were concerned about another person coming into the mix and changing our relationship, changing us
The positive result on the test took that hesitation out of our hands, and six weeks later we found out we were expecting twins, it's amazing how such an important time in our lives could have brought with it such gloom and uncertainty. I became a version of Sam from back in our early days, jealous, possessive, clingy, demanding, I didn't like it, but I couldn't shake it off, and I was causing flashbacks for Sam with my behaviour.
After River and Willow arrived something was still off for us, maybe it was because so much had been said during those eight months, it was hard for us to unhear some of the hurtful things, so we'd focused on the twins. We found ourselves dealing with; communication issues, crying babies, hurt feelings, sore nipples and no sex going on for nearly three months, Sam wasn't happy, there were no kisses, no words of endearment, nothing we'd drifted apart. I was crying every day and it was nothing to do with our beautiful babies, it was because the man I loved with all my heart had stepped away from me, and it was half my fault.
He came in one evening and found me in the nursery, singing to the children, trying to get them to sleep, there were thousands of songs I could have sung, but I zoned in on our song, I guess I was preparing for the worst. "Babe" he made me jump, I didn't know he was stood in the doorway listening to me, plus I hadn't heard him call me that for a while
"Babe?"
"We need to talk, when they're asleep" he walked over to their cribs, kissed his finger and touched their cheeks
It took a while, but River finally closed his eyes, and I was free to have this conversation with my husband that was going to figure out whether we were still together or not, I prayed and went to find him "Drink?" I asked walking over to the coffee maker
"I heard you coming there's one waiting" he nodded at the table
I quickly sat at the table and grabbed hold of the hot mug with both hands "Floors yours"
"I'm scared Mercy" he looked at his mug before looking back at me "To me this doesn't feel like a marriage anymore, it feels like we're coparenting, and living in the same house, this isn't what I want for us, I feel if I don't say something we'll just drift totally apart"
"It's been a tough time, there have been things said, we're exhausted" I tried to make excuses for why I wasn't trying
"But we've lost us"
"We haven't lost us" I grabbed his hand seeing his anxiety raising its head again "We just need to work out this different version of our relationship" I smiled "You're a brilliant dad, you support me, when I let you"
"I try" he smiled "But I feel that everything I try to do is wrong for you, I think you hate me"
"No" I raised my voice "Never" I sighed "I love you" the words that flew out my mouth shocked me as much as it shocked him, but I felt a release of pressure as the smile grew on his face
"God, I love you back" he smiled "We said it"
"We did" I giggled "But that doesn't mean we have to stop showing it"
"Showing it?" he grinned at me, and I knew what that meant "Have you had all your checks?"
"Nearly six weeks ago, I'm good to go"
"Can we get back to my favourite place?"
"I'm up for that" I smiled, feeling more up for it than I thought I was, as I watched him walk over to the pod, hook his phone up, and start our song
"Dance?" he asked as 'When I Fall In Love' by Nat King Cole filled the room
"You're already in my thoughts, you might as well be in my arms" I got up to dance with him
"I've missed you being this close to me" he smiled at me "I didn't realise how seriously backed up I was"
"I'm so ready to deal with your back up" I giggled resting my head on his chest to let the song set the mood
...When I give my heart, it will be completely, or I'll never give my heart
And the moment, I can feel that you feel that way too, is when I'll fall in love with you...When I Fall in Love' by Nat King Cole
Today
"What do you say we make desert the same as last night?" he asked
"And seeing's as the children are with the nanny, and we won't be in a public place, how about we play like we're twenty again?"
"Cheque please" Sam held his hand up smiling
"Told you we weren't going to finish this meal"
"You're mistaken" he giggled "There's still lots to eat"