Chapter 5

All night the survivors searched. Through overhead bins in the carcass of the plane and amongst debris littered on the beach, they searched. A scarred bald man offered to go into the jungle to look, but the others persuaded him out of it for the time being. It was late, surely past midnight, if not hours later. Hours. That's how long the baby had been crying. Early in the evening, after the trees shrieked, Kate commented to Jack that the little boy was doing well in the circumstances, but the infant must have heard her. His cries begged for food, for nourishment.

Jack was not a pediatrician, he was a surgeon. Occasionally his patients were young, but never had he cared for anyone under two. In med school, Jack learned all the theoretical knowledge of how to care for an infant. How to perform CPR, what the natural milestones for infants are, and a brief lesson on nutrition. Of course the infant would naturally need its mother's milk, but how long could he go without it? Dehydration was Jack's primary concern, without water of some kind, the baby would die within 48 hours. But straight water could lead to water intoxication, especially given how premature the little boy's kidneys were.

Jack was pacing around some of the sleeping injured, trying to be quiet, yet utterly lost in thought. Come on Jack, remember he thought as if there had been a module on how to feed an orphaned infant on a desert island. An eerily familiar voice drifted through Jack's head, you don't have what it takes to save this baby.

The first man Jack had saved the day before, groaned in his sleep. Jack knelt before him and felt his forehead. No temperature, not yet at least. Rubbing his head, Jack exhaled forcefully. He looked down at the man's leg. The man's ripped dress pants were covered in dark dried blood, torn in such a way to reveal the disfigured shin below. There was nothing Jack could do for him right now, so he walked away, still rubbing his head.

****Flashback****

Jack's bleary green eyes blinked open slowly. Pain coursed through his head. As soon as he willed his eyelids to open, they shuttered closed in protest. What happened last night? Jack groaned with his eyes still closed, and rolled over in his bed. His head was pounding. It had to have been the tequila…

Jack's legs twisted the sheets around them and he covered his head with his pillow, attempting to smother the hangover. Sunlight streamed through the windows, warming the bed in its wake. What time is it? Jack thought sleepily.

Then, with no regard for the pounding in his head, or the nausea in the back of his throat, Jack bounded out of bed and straight into the shower. Idiot, he scolded himself. The night before he and Mark Silverman had celebrated Jack's first full week of employment as Dr. Jack Shepherd, attending surgeon. Starting on 8th Street, they drank their way through downtown LA. The last round of shots of the night had been a mistake, Jack knew the moment the Patron touched his tongue. But Mark was insistent, and Jack couldn't back down to his wild friend.

Scrubbing the sleep from his eyes, Jack soaked in the steamy shower, allowing the heat to overwhelm him for a moment, before turning the faucet down. The cool water hit the tense muscles in Jack's neck and he bowed his head in relief. Mark was still figuring himself out. Jack felt it was only fair to indulge his friend, given the countless nights Mark had spent listening to Jack complain about med school. This had been his penance, a night out and a hangover to prove it.

Rinsing the last of the soap from his body, Jack turned the water off with no more time to relish in the water. Toweling off, he grabbed a polo and a pair of dress shorts out of his closet and set them on the bed. He threw his towel on the floor and rifled through his drawers for underwear. After pulling on all his clothes, he glanced into the mirror. Bloodshot eyes stared back and Jack knew he wasn't going to get away with this.

****Flashback Ends****

Charlie, Sayid and Hurley, along with some others Jack hadn't met yet, were deep within the wreckage. So far, only diapers for a toddler had been found, but there was plenty of plane left to search. Jack dug through a suitcase, finding several sundresses and bikinis, but no formula. Moving on, he grabbed a khaki messenger bag. Laptop, cable, mouse, batteries, nothing. Jack opened the next overhead compartment and saw four bags. One was a large red backpack with keychains on it, he riffled through each pocket. In the smallest front pocket was a bunch of medication. Jack scanned the prescriptions to see they were for depression, anxiety and psychosis, and dropped them into his own sack of saved items. The next pocket held snacks, trail mix, beef jerky and chocolate. He deposited those into his bag as well. Digging deeper into the pocket he found a note.

David,

They say that time heals all wounds, yet I miss you more everyday.. I am writing down all the things I wish I could tell you. I am flying to LA tomorrow and I am scared shitless of the flight. You know how open water terrifies me… the thought of going over it for God knows how long in just a metal tube in the sky… I wish you were here… Every time we flew, I knew I could count on you to hold my hand through the turbulence…

Sydney was riveting, but I am ready to go home. I know that at home I will wallow, but I crave the safety of our bed… I might be crazy, but I see you there sometimes… I see you sleeping, I can even hear your snores. But then the light comes on and I see it's just a pillow… David, when will I stop hearing you come home in the middle of the night? When will I stop searching for you in the crowd? I hope I never do, but the disappointment when I realize you're not there… it's like you die again every time…

Yours Forever,

Libby.

Jack stared at the note. His heart was pounding as if he had broken into a vault. This was not meant for him to read. Gingerly, he folded the note back into its original shape, and tucked it into the pocket. He sat there just holding the backpack. The crash had not set in for most of the survivors, the ones not searching for formula were just sitting by the signal fire in shock, but Jack was acutely aware of the death and destruction that had occurred just hours ago.

A shrill cry brought Jack out of his trance and triggered him to continue searching the backpack. He finally opened the main pocket and was disappointed to see nothing but t-shirts and socks, stuffed next to a book, A Wrinkle in Time. Jack set aside the book, noting the value of entertainment on this island. Tossing aside the red backpack, Jack grabbed the next bag in the overhead compartment.

****Passage of Time****

The sun was peeking over the horizon by the time the survivors called the plane fully searched. Some diapers and toys had been found, along with a sippy cup full of juice. The men who found the latter didn't speak of the owner, hanging limply nearby. Charlie disappeared as soon as they agreed to cease searching, Sayid fed the signal fire, Hurley swore he was going to barf if he didn't clean the grime of the wreckage off of him, and Jack went searching for Kate. He found her rocking back and forth with the baby in her arms, under a tree. As he approached, she looked up at him, her eyes filled with hope and anxiety. Jack sighed and shook his head. Kate's eyes closed and she held the sobbing baby closer to her and a tear rolled down her cheek.

****Flashback****

Jack was speeding, but he barely cared. His route to the golf course rarely had cops on it. At 8:15, he rolled his jeep into a spot in front of the country club. Glancing in the rearview mirror, Jack fixed his collar anxiously and cursed himself for forgetting his eye drops. Oh well, he thought, let's get this over with.

Jack exited the jeep and jogged towards the entrance. He got a caddy to carry his clubs, and secured a cart to take him to the hole where his father no doubt awaited his arrival.

"Tee time was at 7:30, Jack," Christian Shepherd called, disappointment in his voice despite the smile on his face.

"Sorry, late night," Jack wasn't going to bother with a lame story explaining his tardiness. He turned to greet the men who accompanied his father.

"Jack, this is Dr. Robert Hamill, Dr. Gary Nadler, and Dr. Thomas Gardez."

Jack shook each of their hands and gave them the most winning smile he could muster in his state.

"Congratulations on your new position with us Jack, I hope you're on time to your appointments!" Dr. Robert Hamill joked good-naturedly, lightly tapping Jack on the arm. Jack took it in stride, of course being late would result in some comments.

"I was actually out celebrating my employment with a buddy," Jack said, allowing them in on the secret behind his lateness.

"Good for you, but you better take your shot Christian, or we'll be here all day," Dr. Nadler appeared to take golf very seriously.

They played through the morning, and Jack was able to make up for his late arrival with charm. In med school, the professors always harped on the value of networking, and Jack was never one to shy away from a crowd. He was extroverted by nature, but deep within him was a dark sense of self-doubt.

As they said their farewells after the game, Christian followed Jack to his jeep.

"These men, well besides Dr. Hamill, are your superiors Jack, and you're just going to stroll in here 45 minutes late a week after they hire you?"

"It wasn't a shift Dad, it's Sunday morning, I think they understood why I was late," Jack scoffed with a tone of disbelief.

"It might as well have been a shift Jack, this wasn't just a golf game. You think showing up on time to your shifts and performing successful surgeries are what it takes to climb the ranks? Think again, Jack."

His father was the chief of surgery, if Jack wanted to climb the ranks he'd have to impress his father. Christian just shook his head and quietly looked at him with disappointment in his eyes, and Jack finally turned, unlocked the jeep, and drove away.

****Flashback Ends****

A Korean couple were fighting down the beach from where Jack, Kate and Aaron sat under a tree. The sun had fully risen, and the bald man, Locke, had decided it was time to go into the jungle to continue the search for formula. The drinking water was getting low, so he was also on the hunt for that. Jack hadn't slept since the night before he got on the plane, and as he sat, staring into the sea, he knew that he wouldn't sleep until this baby was fed.

"In my pack there is a bottle of hand sanitizer, rub that on your hands," Jack ordered Kate, offering his arms out to take the baby from her. Kate handed over the fussing infant to Jack, reached into his bag and searched for the bottle. When she retrieved it, she did as Jack said and rubbed it on her hands. Sand still clung to her fingers and she brushed them off as well as she could. Inspecting them closely, they appeared to be clean.

"Put your index finger into the water bottle right there and rub it on the baby's lips," Jack stated, hoping he wasn't making a mistake. Kate did as she was told, and rubbed her finger along the tiny baby's mouth. He continued crying for a moment, before sucking rabidly at her finger. Kate laughed softly and dipped her finger back into the water.

"Not too much, maybe twice more," Jack said, hesitantly optimistic.

The shouting Korean couple were getting closer to them, the man trying to grab the woman's arm, as she wrestled it away and approached Jack and Kate.

The woman carried a coconut, and spoke quickly in Korean to Jack, gesturing at the baby.

"I'm sorry," Jack said, "I don't understand."

She continued to point at the baby and then to the coconut. She spoke for a few moments, but the man behind her again grabbed her arm. This time when she tried to get out of it, he wouldn't let go. Kate jumped up and got in his face.

"Back. Off." She warned. Jack was still holding the baby or he would have gotten between them. The man's eyes darkened at Kate but she didn't back down.

"Let go of her," Kate said slowly. The man continued to stare at Kate, not dropping the woman's arm. But before Kate could do anything, the woman wrenched her arm away and the man didn't stop her.

Again the woman turned to Jack and pointed at the baby in his arms, she held up the coconut and pretended to drink from it. Jack understood.

"Is it safe?" Jack asked, knowing that infants over 6 months could probably have coconut water and be fine, but a premature newborn? He was less sure.

The woman put her fingers together to indicate that they should only give the baby a little bit. She turned to Kate, looked her in the eyes, and bowed. She handed the coconut to Kate, and walked away, followed by the shocked man.

Kate turned to Jack, hope once again in her green eyes. They swapped their handfuls, and Kate settled down to give the baby one last drop of drinking water and Jack turned to the wreckage to find a sharp point to puncture the coconut. He took the sippy cup with him and prayed that this worked.