Author's note: let's have a wedding and a letter from Darcy, shall we?
And for those of you hating on Elizabeth, please remember that she has spent her life battling bigots to protect her sister. Her father doesn't do much, and she has seen first-hand the horrors of London. She also doesn't know what we know about Darcy and his sister. All she's seen is Darcy's apparent disdain for Jane and Polly, which is how she's seen the wealthy in London behave as well.
So let's give her some grace. She's a powerless woman in a man's world (because the early 1800s really were a man's world), fighting to keep her sister safe. And that's what Darcy sees in her and admires.
Chapter 22
The morning of Jane's wedding was bright and clear. For November, the day was unusually warm, and even the birds seemed to sing more gaily than their wont. Elizabeth rose with the sun and took a quick walk around the gardens before returning to rooms to dress for the day.
Mr. Bennet and Elizabeth, in conjunction with Bingley, had determined that Mrs. Bennet should remain uninformed about the wedding until the carriage brought their party to Netherfield for the ceremony. This would ensure that the plans could be done to Jane's tastes.
Whilst Elizabeth would have loved to witness her mother's histrionics upon hearing the news that her eldest daughter would be marrying a man with five thousand a year, she had no desire to see Mr. Collins again in such a confined space as a carriage. He would be attending the wedding - there was no way to exclude him - but she was comforted in the fact that so many others would be present.
As she dressed in her new gown, Elizabeth pondered on the last two days since Bingley had proposed to Jane. The time had passed in a whirlwind of planning with Louisa, and the day had finally arrived. The planning had given Elizabeth an excuse to avoid Darcy, but she had felt all the guilt of knowing she had gone too far with her temper.
The night prior she had finally been granted a small window of opportunity to speak with Darcy in private. Louisa had excused herself to check on her husband, and Jane and Bingley were in private conversation near the fireplace.
"Mr. Darcy, I hope you do not mind if I take advantage of this moment to apologize for my behavior the other day. I was quite… intemperate in our conversation, and I should not have spoken so harshly to you."
He looked at her over his book, his dark eyes boring deep into hers. After a long moment of silence, he said, "Your determination to protect those whom others would mistreat is admirable, Miss Elizabeth. I appreciate your apology."
Having expected a reprimand of some sort, Elizabeth was surprised by this bit of praise. The conversation came to an abrupt end, however, when Louisa returned to the room and immediately claimed Elizabeth's attention with last-minute wedding details that needed to be attended to.
Elizabeth shook her head to clear the memory from her mind, and the maid gave a startled yelp, dropping the hair pin. "Oh, sorry, Miss Lizzy!"
"That was entirely my fault, Sally. I apologize for my inattention."
Once she had been dressed and her hair done to her satisfaction, Elizabeth went into her sister's room. Jane sat on the bed with a breakfast tray, the pink spots of excitement on her cheeks standing out in stark contrast to her pale face and blue lips.
"I'm getting married today!" she squealed when she saw her sister. "Oh, Lizzy, how shall I bear such happiness?"
"You must, else you will tire yourself before you can become Mrs. Bingley," replied Elizabeth with a smile. "It would be a shame to miss your wedding because you were too happy to attend."
"I shall try, but only to please you," Jane replied with a small smirk.
Elizabeth felt a small thrill, just as she did each time Jane was able to tease back. It gave her a glimpse of what life would have been like had Jane not been born different. She loved her sister, but at times she wished for a true friend with whom she could confide all of her cares and worries.
Being the strong one was exhausting.
Pushing her selfishness aside, Elizabeth encouraged her sister to finish eating so they could begin to prepare for the wedding. The maid began bringing in hot water for a bath, and soon Jane had been scrubbed clean.
Louisa knocked on the door just as Jane settled in front of the fire to begin drying her hair. It was thin and fine, which meant she could do it quickly. Elizabeth's thick, unruly locks, on the other hand, took hours in front of a hot blaze to thoroughly remove all of the moisture.
"You look lovely!" Elizabeth exclaimed.
Louisa blushed and looked down at her gown, smoothing away imaginary wrinkles. "I realized it would be my last chance to wear this before it no longer fit. By the time it does again, it will definitely be out of style."
"Why won't it fit?" Jane asked.
"I am going to have a baby," Louisa said with a smile.
"A baby!" Jane dropped the lock of hair she was holding to the fire and clapped her hands in delight. "I adore babies. I remember when Lydia was born…"
The three women spent the next hour in cheerful conversation as Jane was primped and pampered. Louisa brought her personal maid in to do Jane's hair in an elaborate coiffure, although some modifications had to be made due to Jane's sensitive scalp.
"Oh, Jane."
Tears filled Elizabeth's eyes as she took in her elder sister's appearance. Jane stood in front of the fireplace, dressed in silver satin gown with a dainty lace trim around the neckline and waist. The bottom hem had one ruffle with delicately embroidered daisies and robins, Jane's favorites.
"Is it time, yet?"
Jane's eager question broke through Elizabeth's sentimentalities, and she gave a watery laugh. "Almost, dearest."
"Before we go down, Jane, I thought it might be best to see if you have any questions about tonight."
Elizabeth gave Louisa a sharp look. "I was under the impression that Jane's health was being taken into consideration above all else."
"That is precisely why I wish to know what she understands about tonight," Louisa replied calmly. "I cannot imagine you want your mother to be the only one conducting a conversation of this nature?"
Elizabeth blanched. "I concede your point."
Jane looked between the two women. "I'm confused."
The other two ladies exchanged glances. Louisa motioned at Elizabeth to begin, who then gently took her sister's hand and guided her to a chair. "Jane, dearest, do you know how each year, Papa has Mr. Long bring his prize bull to our cows?"
Jane nodded. "Yes, so the cows can have baby calves."
"You know how the bull… mounts the cows?"
Jane's eyes widened. "Is that… is that how women have babies, too?" She turned to Louisa. "Did Mr. Hurst mount you?"
"Well… not exactly… that is…" Louisa blushed furiously and began to stammer a bit, then glared at Elizabeth.
"Don't look at me," Elizabeth threw her hands in the air. "I'm not the one who actually knows anything!"
The room was silent for a moment, then Louisa began to laugh and was quickly joined by Elizabeth. "I can see I am making a muck of this," Louisa said, wiping her eyes. "Let me try again."
Jane's face was a mix of bewilderment and fear. "I don't think I want to hear any more."
"Jane, what will happen with you and Charles is absolutely nothing like what happens between animals. Do the bull and cow hold hands?" Louisa asked.
Jane shook her head.
"Do the bull and cow kiss?"
Another shake of the head.
"Has Charles held your hand? Kissed your hand, even?"
Jane smiled dreamily and nodded. "Oh yes."
"How did it feel?" Elizabeth asked.
"It was the most wonderful thing. I didn't want him to stop," Jane answered blissfully.
"That is what it will be like tonight when you are alone with your husband," Louisa said. "There are some parts of the human body that are like an animal's body, but that is the only similarity. I simply didn't want you to feel scared about that, since his body will be different than yours."
"Like a bull is different from a cow," Jane said, nodding in understanding.
"Exactly," Louisa said. "If you have any questions at all, you can come talk to me at any time. If you feel scared or uncomfortable, you can always ask Charles, as well. Your new maid can also help you."
"A new maid?" Elizabeth asked with a frown.
"Mrs. Johnson hales from London and is coming from the employ of Doctor Carson." Louisa placed strong emphasis on each person's title. "Charles thought of the idea whilst in London - actually, it was by Mr, Darcy's suggestion."
Elizabeth's eyebrows rose. "That was quite thoughtful of him," she murmured."
She was forced to postpone her musings of Darcy's thoughtfulness when a maid came to the door. "The guests have all gathered downstairs, Mrs. Hurst. Everyone is ready for the bride to begin the ceremony."
"Oh, it's time!" Jane squealed.
Elizabeth quickly grabbed her reticule, checked to make sure her spare hair pins were in it, and followed Jane and Louisa out of the room.
The ceremony was beautiful. Elizabeth had been shocked to walk into the ballroom and see, seated behind her mother and sisters, Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner. Then, as Mr. Bennet escorted Jane down to Mr. Bingley, the joy radiating from both faces caused Elizabeth's eyes to fill with tears.
This is it. In less than an hour, Jane will no longer be a Bennet, but a Bingley.
Dr. Fields opened a well-worn copy of The Book of Common Prayer and began to read:
Dearly beloved: We have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in Holy Matrimony. The bond and covenant of marriage was established by God in creation, and our Lord Jesus Christ adorned this manner of life by his presence and first miracle at a wedding in Cana of Galilee. It signifies to us the mystery of the union between Christ and his Church, and Holy Scripture commends it to be honored among all people.
The union of husband and wife in heart, body, and mind is intended by God for their mutual joy; for the help and comfort given one another in prosperity and adversity; and, when it is God's will, for the procreation of children and their nurture in the knowledge and love of the Lord. Therefore marriage is not to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly, but reverently, deliberately, and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.
Into this holy union Charles Bingley and Jane Bennet now come to be joined. If any of you can show just cause why they may not lawfully be married, speak now; or else for ever hold your peace.
Elizabeth held her breath and surreptitiously looked around. She half-expected Caroline Bingley to burst through the doors, but they remained firm closed. A quick peek at Darcy revealed a soft smile on the corners of his mouth as he looked at the happy couple, which surprised her; she had expected at least a disapproving frown.
Dr. Fields continued:
I require and charge you both, here in the presence of God, that if either of you know any reason why you may not be united in marriage lawfully, and in accordance with God's Word, you do now confess it.
Jane Bennet, will you have this man to be your husband; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?
"I will," Jane said, a bit breathlessly.
Elizabeth gave her sister a sharp glance. Jane's face was paler than usual, and her breath was coming in short gasps. Catching Dr. Fields's eye, Elizabeth nodded slightly at her sister. The parson inclined his head in return, then increased his speed for the remainder of the ceremony.
Charles Bingley, will you have this woman to be your wife; to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?
"I will."
Bingley had inched closer to Jane so he could more easily support her weight. Dr. Fields flew through the remainder of the ceremony, choosing to omit the Eucharist and traditional prayers.
Finally, it was over. Bingley immediately turned to the guests and said, "My sister has prepared a celebration. Please, follow me."
He swiftly led Jane out of the ballroom and into the adjacent banquet hall, where a long table filled with all of Jane's favorite foods was set. Jane was quickly settled into her chair at the place of honor as bride, and Elizabeth was relieved to see within a few minutes that her sister's breathing had began to slow to its usual state.
Once she had assured herself of her sister's comfort, Elizabeth went in search of her aunt and uncle Gardiner. By this time, many of the guests had begun to arrive, and her progress was slowed by the crowd.
Finally she reached them, and joyful hugs were exchanged. "I didn't think you would be able to come!" Elizabeth exclaimed as Mrs. Gardiner gathered her niece in for a second embrace.
"We didn't, either," Mr. Gardiner replied. "Then yesterday afternoon, this fellow turns up with a note and a carriage. We were told we could come for the wedding in the morning and return that evening. A few servants were also provided to tend the children while we were away for the day. Of course, how could we say no to such a generous offer?"
"How kind of Mr. Bingley! Charles, I mean… he said I ought to call him that now that he is my brother."
"It was actually Mr. Darcy," Mrs. Gardiner said. "It was his carriage and his servants, all of it."
Elizabeth's mouth dropped open in a decidedly unladylike fashion, and her eyes flew around the room in search of the tall gentleman. "Mr. Darcy arranged for your journey for Jane's wedding?"
"Yes, he did! It was quite generous of him, seeing as we are only acquaintances from the orphanage…"
At last she spotted him through the throng of people, standing against a pillar, looking decidedly uncomfortable amidst the noise and gaiety. Mrs. Gardiner's voice blended in with the background, and all Elizabeth could hear were her own words from several days before, thrown at him in irate accusation.
"If you will excuse me, Aunt, Uncle."
Making her way through the crowd, Elizabeth walked past her mother, who was nattering on to her friends about how Jane's excellent match would throw her daughters in the way of other rich men. She winced but continued on, pressing through the party until she reached the place where Darcy was standing.
He looked down at her, startled. "Miss Bennet," he said stiffly in his deep, serious voice. "My congratulations on this happy day."
"Thank you," she said. When he simply nodded and started to move away, she reached out the hand which also held her reticule and grasped his arm. "No, thank you," she added with emphasis. "It was very kind of you to arrange for Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner to attend the wedding. Both they and Jane are grateful."
"If you will thank me," he replied, "let it be for yourself alone. Your family owes me nothing. Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you."
She gaped up at him, blinking in astonishment. He colored slightly, then said, "I fear you have long been desiring my absence. Please accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."
Before she could say a word, he bowed, lifted her hand from his arm and kissed it, then disappeared into the swirl of the crowd, leaving her to stare after him.
Several hours later, the last of the guests - meaning Mrs. Bennet and her daughters - had left Netherfield, having been ushered out by Louisa and Elizabeth. Jane and Bingley had gone upstairs long before the celebration had ended. It was clear to everyone that Jane was feeling quite poorly, and not a single guest made the typical bawdy comment about an eager groom.
Elizabeth was worried for her sister, but she reminded herself that it was now no longer her place to look after her. Bingley had promised to call for Elizabeth should Jane have need of her.
With Louisa having gone to check in on her husband, Elizabeth was left to her own amusement for the few remaining hours of day. A footman informed her that Darcy had already departed for London, which initially surprised Elizabeth, though on reflection made logical sense. A guest, even one that was a good friend, was hardly welcome in one's home on a wedding night.
Feeling relieved that she had been able to avoid encountering Mr. Collins during the wedding breakfast, Elizabeth chose a book from the library before making her way to her bedroom. Along the way, she sent a message with a passing maid that she would take a tray in her room for dinner.
Upon entering her room, Elizabeth placed her reticule on the table and was surprised by the slight crunching sound it made. She looked down and saw that it was bulkier than she remembered it being when had left to go down for the wedding. Confused, she opened the small bag and discovered a sealed envelope within. On the front, "Elizabeth Bennet" was written in bold, block letters so as to make it impossible to determine whose handwriting it was.
She cautiously closed the door and placed the envelope on the bed, then quickly changed into more comfortable attire, taking care with her bridesmaid gown. Once comfortable in her bed, she broke the seal on the envelope and began to read the folded letter inside.
Be not alarmed, madam, on receiving this letter, by the apprehension that it will contain anything improper or compromising in nature.
Two offenses were laid at my charge when we last spoke. At first glance, they may appears as if they are of two entirely different natures, but they are more entwined than you may think. At the time, I was not able to address either of them adequately, but I must demand your attention in order for justice to be served.
The first mentioned was that I consider people like your sister Jane, the tenant girl Polly, and your servant Jamie to be unnatural creatures. I can only infer that you were eavesdropping on my conversation with Bingley our first night in society at the Meryton assembly.
She huffed. "Eavesdropping, indeed. If he didn't want anyone to hear what he was saying, he shouldn't have said it in a ballroom!"
The truth is that there is a very good reason for me to make such a statement, but in order to justify myself, I must first go back to the very beginning.
My father was a stern man, and his love for my mother was more of an obsession than a passion. When I was eleven years of age, my mother gave birth to a baby girl who had clear physical defects. My father's reaction was to accuse my mother of infidelity and attempt to abandon the babe to a workhouse.
Elizabeth gasped in horror.
My mother and I successfully convinced my father to allow her to keep the child, but it was all for naught - the babe only lived a few hours. In spite of his concession, my father remained adamant that the child's condition was a curse from God as punishment for my mother's supposed sins. He locked her in her chambers and refused all visitors.
One day, the steward, Mr. Wickham, visited my mother's door to pass on his wife's greetings. My father became convinced that Mr. Wickham was my mother's paramour and immediately terminated his position. I begged my father to reconsider, but he refused to hear me. Eventually he threatened to leave me at school during the holidays, thus keeping me from ever seeing my mother again. In order to maintain my connection to her, I ceased my please on my friend's behalf.
My mother quickly fell with child again, even though the midwife and the doctor both told my father that another baby would likely kill her. Another girl was born, this one with a double harelip. My father was forced to accept that he was the babe's sire, as my mother had had no contact with any other man in over a year. He refused to allow any medical treatment for Georgianna, as my mother named her, and banished the baby to the dower house with the same woman who had served as my nurse. My mother died only a few hours later.
"How cruel! How heartless!" Moisture filled Elizabeth's eyes as she imagined the trauma to both Darcy children, as well as their mother.
Darcy's letter went on to relate his experiences at university, including his unique methods of diverting his fellow students' attention from young ladies who did not wish their advances but were unable to resist.
When Bingley spied your sister, I reacted out of instinct, after years of of habit. No sooner were the words out of my mouth than I realized that I was speaking to a honorable friend about a well-protected gentlewoman, but I cannot blame myself for having done so. It is done, however, and it was done for the best. On this subject I have nothing more to say, no other apology to offer. If I have wounded your sister's feelings, it was unknowingly done; and though the motives which governed me may to you very naturally appear insufficient, I have not yet learned to condemn them.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes at this prevarication. "Oh yes, because heaven forbid you admit that you were in error."
It wasn't until my father died five years ago that I was able to help my sister. When I arrived at Pemberley, I was horrified to discover that Nurse had fallen ill several days prior, and the maid-of-all-work who had been hired to come once a day had been being paid for a job she never actually did. My ten-year-old sister had been left alone to care for an elderly woman near death with no way to summon help, in spite of her father's home being a stone's throw away.
Her reading of the remainder of Darcy's letter was interrupted by Elizabeth's frequent sobs. Through her tears, she could scarcely make out the story of Dr. Carson's surgery on Georgiana, as well as Darcy's complete ignorance as to Colonel Wickham's situation once the steward had been ordered from Pemberley.
Shortly before Bingley invited me to Netherfield, I returned to Pemberley for the harvest. I had spent much of the summer in Town on business and was eager to see how my sister was doing. I arrived sooner than anticipated and looked forward to surprising her. You may imagine what I felt and how I acted when I quietly crept towards her schoolroom, only to hear her companion, a Mrs. Younge, berating her with the foulest of epithets.
"Oh, the poor, dear girl!"
I immediately removed my sister to London, where I could personally ensure that she was being treated in the manner befitting her station. Her affectionate heart has been greatly damaged by years of mistreatment from those who should have loved her best. I was loathe to leave her for Hertfordshire - especially as London at large is unaware of her existence - but Bingley has ever been a steady friend, and my mother's family - with whom I am gradually becoming acquainted with, all ties having been severed upon my father's erratic behavior - encouraged the short distance as a way for my sister and I to regain our confidence.
This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth of cruelty towards both your sister and Colonel Wickham.
I shall endeavor to find some opportunity of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the day before I leave for London. I will only add, God bless you.