Chapter 5
Mama4dukes, you're truly one of my best friends, and I can't thank you enough for helping me out as my Beta. I love you, girlie!
Song for this Chapter: I Learned That From You by Sara Evans
My dad was wide-eyed when the plane took off into the black night sky. From the small windows, you could only see the lights of the houses and streets below us. Our plane was heading south.
"Excuse me, Miss Izzy, would you or your father enjoy something to eat or drink?" the steward asked as he moved through the cabin.
"I'll have a SoCo and Sprite, please. Dad, what's your poison?"
"Vitamin R if you have it," I guess old habits die hard. I asked the steward to bring a couple just to save time.
We both declined the food options, after which the steward left us alone.
"So, you said earlier that you wanted me to start at the beginning. I'd appreciate it if I could just say it all in one go. If you have questions, write them down on the yellow pad next to you, and we'll cross them off once I'm done." I was observing Charlie.
This wouldn't be an easy conversation for either of us, but I felt that I needed to clear the air. Get a fresh start with Charlie, and hope he can see things more towards my side by the end of the weekend.
"Okay, Kid, but where are we going?"
"Sorry, I forgot to tell you after we took off. I own an off-grid property in the middle of nowhere Alaska. No phone connections, no internet, hell, no indoor plumbing. It felt right to take you there so we could talk whenever you wanted or needed to." I felt that Charlie and I would talk a lot in the next few days. These are talks that have been my lifetime in the making. Neither of us has been emotionally open to talking, but it's now or never.
I noticed we'd now made a wide right turn and were heading north.
"There's one more thing before I start. Could I please have your phone, iPad, and smartwatch?" Charlie handed them to me with a slight question in his eyes.
"They're traceable, Dad. I know you won't believe this, but the Pack enjoys total control of the people within it. Tracking a phone is just one way for them to think they have the upper hand. I'll leave these 3 in the glove box over here, but first, I will turn them off. We're taking this same plane back to Washington in 2 days, so no one will mess with them." Charlie nodded his head in confirmation.
"I know that this talk will be as hard on you to hear as it is for me to say, so let's just get this over with?"
"So the beginning. My life now is a lot different than I'd ever imagined it would be. When I was a little girl, there was no stability or rules. I could come and go as I pleased. Hell, I was more grown-up than Mom ever was, and that was fine," I shake my head to clear out the memories. Charlie chuckled to himself as well.
"As I got older, things seemed to become harder for us. I loved Mom, but she was always so flighty and forgetful. I started paying the household bills when I was 11. We'd spent the whole summer in a 2 bedroom condo with no hot water. She hadn't paid or forgotten the gas bill, so they shut us off. So, as the school year started, I really wanted hot showers. I used the money you sent me on my 12th birthday card to pay off the remaining bill balance. Then, I couldn't take another chance of running out of hot water. So I just took over paying all the bills. It wasn't easy. I even found out quite a few things about mom financially that still boggle my mind."
I stopped for a second and then started again.
"When she met Phil, I thought, here we go again. There was always a new guy in her life. But with Phil, she was so different. She became the mom that I'd always hoped that she would. Responsible, emotionally connected, stable."
"Anyway, once they were married, I could see how unhappy she was when he'd go away to one of his out-of-state ball games. You know, Mom is always the life of the party. She loved being the center of attention. So I decided to move up to Washington to be with you… Dad, I wouldn't change that decision even if I could." I needed him to know that he was just as important to me as Mom was.
"Would I change the outcomes of what moving to Forks has left in my life? Hell, yeah, but I wouldn't change the you and I part of my life."
Charlie's face was a stone mask at this point, but if he wanted the gritty details, he would get them.
"Growing up the way I did… It left me feeling alone. I'd see other kids with their siblings, and I wanted that. I wanted to belong somewhere with lots of family where I, too, was included, wanted, and needed but still able to be myself. So when I met Edward and his huge family, I thought I'd won the lottery. They were what I'd imagined in my mind as the perfect family. Man, was I wrong!"
"I saw Esme and Carlise as the perfect parents. I saw Emmett as my older brother. Someone I could joke and have fun with. I saw Alice as my perfectly dressed older sister, and I saw Edward as the man of my dreams," I stopped talking as the memories of the period in my life flashed before my eyes. "Jasper and Rosalie were standoffish, but there was drama in every family, right?"
"What I failed to see at that time were their flaws. Alice's need for perfection. Emmett's need to always win. Edward's need to control. So when they left. I lost not only what I'd thought was the perfect family. But I also realized how much of "me" they had controlled while we were together… I believe that's why I went into such a deep depression when they left. I'd found what I'd always wanted, and they didn't want to keep me. When they walked away without so much as a goodbye, my mind kind of went back to being the little girl with her issues."
"You know, I'd always thought but never said it out loud that I wasn't good enough. When they left, it seemed only to confirm that thought in my head."
I stopped talking for a second. The pain of what I'd gone through a little over 5 years earlier hit me like a freight train, taking the words I needed to say with it. I threw back the rest of my drink and began again.
"When they left, I knew you and Mom worried about me. I knew that if there was something either one of you could do to "fix" me, you would have done it in a heartbeat. But I once again had to do it all on my own."
"Then I started going to see Jake… You need to know that I call "Jake" by that name, as the before transformation Jake. And "Jacob" as he is now. The differences between the two are night and day, looking back on it. Hindsight and all that, I guess."
"The Jake I became friends with was sweet and kind and always had a smile on his face. The Jacob we have now is a cold, calculating SOB that would rather spit in my eye than truly love me for me…" Charlie started to sputter, but when I looked at him, he stopped talking and started writing on his assigned notepad.
"You once said that you thought Jake was helping me, and he was. He made the hole in my chest that the Cullens left close whenever we were together. But then he changed…"
"He became someone or something. That I didn't know or understand anymore once he popped out in fur." After a beat, I said.
"Did you know that I slapped Paul in the face once?" I asked, half laughing at the memory. Seeing the shock on Dad's face, I continued. "I'd finally remembered the whole story Jake had once told me on the beach when I'd first moved here. The story about the Wolves and the Cold Ones. Anyway, when I confronted Jake about not talking to me, the Pack showed up, and I ran to them and asked. "What have you done to him?" I yelled."
"Paul got up in the face and sneered some asinine questions right back. I was too pissed to stop myself and slapped him as hard as I could. Jacob came to my rescue at that point, and he and Paul fought." Thinking about that day makes my heart flip a little. "That was the start of the end, but I didn't know that then."
My hands played with a loose string on my perfect little black dress. I'd worn the damn thing as a distraction. I'd needed it to get me to where my dad and I were now, but I wanted to wear my old comfy sweats.
"Did the pack tell you about Icky Vickie?" I looked up at Dad when I asked.
"Icky Vickie?" he questioned back.
"The redheaded vampire that they had been chasing at that time?"
"Oh yeah, they said that they'd never got her but that she stopped coming around about when you took off."
"That sounds about right.." I couldn't keep the snark out of my tone.
"Anyway, after the whole fight thing. Embry and Jared took me back to Sam and Emily's house. After a while, Jacob and Paul walked into the house, acting like nothing in the world had happened. I believe that's when Jacob imprinted on me. You know, he never did tell me when he'd done that… Jacob and I left to walk the beach and talk. He was unlike the best friend I'd seen only a few weeks before. His eyes were hard and mean, but I guess he knew enough about me to know that playing Mr. Hardass wasn't in his best interest where I was concerned."
"I can remember asking him what was wrong." He wasn't the same happy-go-lucky guy. I could tell that right off.
He said, "The Pack had been up all night chasing some redheaded leach, but that wasn't their first time having to do that. They just didn't know why she'd keep coming back."
"When I answered that "I" was the reason. Something in his eyes grew darker."
"Did they tell you about Phoenix?"
"Phoenix, no."
"I'll have to go back then. Remember when I left my junior year?" Dad nodded, looking none too pleased about that memory. "It was a vampire that I was running from, Dad. It wasn't Edward or his family; it was a tracking vampire named James."
"Did the pack tell you anything about vampires or their gifts?"
"Gifts?" Shock and surprise were written all over his face.
"Yeah, some vampires have "Gifts" extras that come along with everything else they get once they've been turned."
"The Cullen Coven has three. Edward, he can read minds. Every thought that flows through your brain, he can hear it. Alice she had visions. However, they can change when the person the visions are about changes their mind. And then there is Jasper; he's an empath. He can feel and alter the moods of those within his range of influence."
The facts that I was saying seemed to stun Charlie for a minute. I'd give the time to coop, "Hey, Dad, I'm going to go in the back and change out of this dress. Do you need anything before I go?"
After a no from him, I changed quickly, and on the way back, I grabbed us both another round of drinks.
"How could you stand to be around someone who could hear every thought you'd ever had?" Dad questioned after I retook my seat.
"He couldn't read my mind. Jasper couldn't influence me. And Alice only had visions of me when they were wrapped around Edward's life. But that part of the story really is for later. I promise you, Dad, you'll be let in on everything I know at this point in my life. You need to know all of this stuff to make the best decisions for yourself without any outside influences." After blowing out a breath he was holding, I started again.
"This vampire named James had a gift. He could track a person by their brain waves or something. If he wanted you found, he'd find you. That's why I had to leave the way I did that night. I had to hurt you so deeply to get away from you. Hoping in doing so, you'd be safe."
"To keep me safe?" he whispered. "Who was keeping you safe, Bella?"
I could see a fire that only belonged to me in his eyes. His flesh and blood and I knew at that moment I was wanted and loved by at least one other person in the world. It made me smile in return.
"The Cullen's, but it didn't go as planned. You see, I got away from them. James had called and said he had Mom. I couldn't let something happen to her because of me. So I snuck away, and things went from bad to worse. When I got to the meeting place, Mom wasn't there. James had gone through our old home movies and found one of Mom yelling for me. That's how he tricked me into coming to him in the first place."
"Long story short. I didn't fall down any stairs. I didn't go through a plate glass window. James broke my legs and bit me. Edward and his family found and saved me, but the scars will always be a reminder of that time."
"What no one knew at that time was that Icky Vickie was James's vampire mate. You've heard the stories, Dad. The ones the Elders tell at the bonfires. About a man and wife who lost their 2 sons to a blood drinker. How that man changed into a wolf to save his wife and the tribe's people. How the wife killed herself to save her husband."
"The reason the blood-drinking female came to the reservation in the first place was to avenge her mate. The wolves had killed her mate sometime before then, and she returned to the reservation for her revenge. In the elders' stories, they say if you kill one vampire, you must kill their mate as well."
"Well, the Cullen's killed James for hurting and hunting me. Icky Vickie was James's mate, so she too wanted a Mate for a Mate. Neither she nor I knew then that Edward wasn't my mate. Though I seriously doubt that would have changed her mind about killing me." I whispered that last part mostly to myself, but my dad still heard those words.
His complexion was white as Sue's had been earlier tonight. I think I might be helping him see where I'm coming from. Or at least a girl could hope.
Dad slowly popped the top of his third Vitamin R while his brain digested the facts that I was spitting out. I could almost watch the dots connecting in his brain as my words finally hit home.
"So Jacob and the Pack came up with a plan to keep you and me safe while they hunted her down. That's why I spent my whole Spring/Summer vacation at Billy's my senior year and after graduating. But they didn't get her. She, too, had a gift. Though we didn't know that at the time."
"Things between Jacob and I were odd during that time. He'd be my Jake one minute, and then he'd turn into Jacob. His mood swings were constantly giving me whiplash. Oh, and then there was the Pack itself."
"Sam and Emily were nice to my face, but I'd heard rumors that behind my back, they didn't take kindly to me. Kim and Jared were open up about their feelings toward me. At least they didn't hide behind fake smiles. Embry and Quil were in whatever mood Jacob was in. Leah and Seth were there, too. Leah hated me, but she seemed to hate everyone, so that wasn't too bad. Seth was the only one in the Pack to treat me nicely. He never failed to be the one person who stood by me no matter anyone else's feelings. Colin and Brady were just kids. They didn't pay me much mind," I said, shrugging my shoulders. "And then there was Paul."
"He was the worst. Well, I take that back. He was almost the worst. He'd taunt me. Lunge at me for no reason. Call me "Vampire Whore" and worse. He'd wait until Seth had to go home and then unleash whatever horror movie scene he wanted to. Jacob, let him do this. Paul didn't hide his hatred for me; he openly embraced it. So, I took myself out of the equation and started hanging out with Angela Weber. Remember?"
After his quick nod, I said. "Anywho, Jacob couldn't have that. No, he'd known that Ange was looking for a job. He told her about the opening at the Quil's family store, and wouldn't you know it, she got the job the same day she applied. So there went my excuse from being down at the Rez."
"After that, Jacob and I fought about me staying down there. I told him I needed to avoid all the pack drama, aka Paul. But that didn't bother him. He kept going on and on about how I was safest on the Rez. How that the Pack was stretched too thin with me running around Forks, with them chasing Icky Vickie, and that's when he slipped."
"That's how I found out he'd imprinted on me. He told me how the Pack protected itself from letting on about the imprint. He'd wanted to tell me about it in his own way and time. How things with the Pack will be different now that I know the truth. And once again, my mind returned to the hope of a huge loving family." I couldn't stop shaking my head at how dumb that idea was. "And wouldn't you know it? I fell for it hook, line, and sinker."
"Did things change? Yes and No. Emily took it upon herself to give me an Imprint 101 class every time I was down there. Kim sat in a couple of those meetings. The guys just nodded their heads at me and stopped being openly hostile. Paul just smiled like a cat who'd eat the carney whenever I was around. Though I could still see the hatred that burned deep through his eyes. Jacob? Oh, now this is where you might want a couple more of the beers you're drinking, Dad."
I got up, went to the fridge, and pulled out 2 more for him. I refilled my glass, making it a double. I believed This part of the story would hurt my dad the most.
"From what Emily said about imprinting, it sounded like, yes, the imprint was a forever thing. But certain things needed to be done by the couple to ensure it was a sealed imprint. The imprint accepts the wolf. The wolf recognizes its mate. Then, once the imprinted couple consummated the union. Then, things would be a forever kind of bond. Or that's what I'd been led to believe anyway."
I knew Charlie hearing these things wouldn't be good for us, but he needed to learn everything I did. Before tying himself to that place and those people, he needed all the facts.
"Anyway, things finally seemed to be heading in the right direction for me and Jacob. Though I was told the Pack was still hunting and looking for Icky Vickie every night, he made some time for just the two of us."
"Embry and Quil were his right and left-hand men. Wherever Jacob went, so did his boys. I thought it was just a pack thing or a guy thing, but I'd never thought much about it. Except when I noticed that not every pack member went out hunting Icky Vickie every night. I hadn't seen them all go out as a pack since I'd found out about the imprint. I thought it was curious, but that's about it."
"I mean, Jacob had imprinted on me. Quil had imprinted on Claire, Emily's 3-year-old niece and it seemed like Embry just wanted to be with friends. When I asked Jacob about it, he said that since she was after "his" mate. He felt he needed to hunt her down more than the others. It made sense to me at the time. This is where you need to finish your beer and open another dad."
This is the part I've always dreaded. The big, the bad, and the ugly! Charlie took my suggestion and did as he was told. I noticed his notepad had notes scribbled all over it, but as I said, we'd get to those later.
"So Jacob and I made plans. I'd been staying with him and Billy, so we knew his dad would cover for us if we slipped away together for a night."
The vein in Charlie's forehead was prominent on his now almost purple face.
"We drove up to the old cabin his grandfather once owned. It was rustic, but he and the guys had cleaned it up as best as possible. We spent that night together. I'd been so happy to think that I now had my forever. I never thought about what this change would bring."
"The next day, after we get back to Billy's, Jacob says he, Embry, and Quil were going to look for the "vamp bitch". And I didn't think much about it. You were supposed to be home around dinner time, and all I could think about was getting home, making you dinner, and telling you about how I would be moving permanently to the Rez."
"After making Billy a quick lunch. I took off to go grocery shopping there in Forks. After getting home, I got everything I needed for Grandma Swan's beef stroganoff. I quickly started pulling dinner together when the phone rang..."
I went quiet for a moment, reliving that time in my head. "The Caller ID read 'Aterea's store'. I answered it, and Angela was on the other end of the line and crying. She was calm enough to talk but hesitant in her speech. She said that I needed to go to Jacob's house, that she couldn't tell me why, but that I needed to get there now."
"So I did as I was told and hot-footed it down to Billy's. The whole ride, I'd imagined someone was hurt, their house on fire. I didn't know what I was expecting, but it sure as hell wasn't what I walked into." I couldn't keep the silent tears from rolling down my cheeks.
"I'd done everything that had been asked of me. I'd accepted the imprint and given Jacob my heart and body. I did what I thought at the time was the best possible thing for my future. For the Pack, for my new family."
I was now holding my empty glass full of ice and watching as it melted slowly to the bottom of the glass. I couldn't look my dad in the eyes when I said this part.
"The house wasn't on fire. There wasn't a blood trail leading up to the front door. Billy was sitting in his wheelchair in the kitchen where I'd left him not an hour before. Everything seemed fine. Until I saw the look of complete and utter fear cross Billy's then-white-as-a-sheet face. I could hear sounds and laughter coming from Jacob's room, so I pushed open the door, expecting to see him and his guys. I was in shock to see him literally fucking the hell out of some Rez girl that I still don't know the name of."
And I stopped talking, reliving that moment inside my brain once again. "I don't remember leaving Jacob's house. I don't remember driving home. I don't remember much of anything until a few hours later, there was banging on our front door."
I took a deep breath. I knew I needed to get through this. But damn, this was killing me.
"It was Jacob, Quil, Embry, Sam, and Emily. Jacob looked pissed. Quil and Embry were just there because Jacob was. Sam and Emily had this "told you so" look on their faces. Of course, they barged through the front door once I'd cracked it open. They all went straight into your living room, and everyone talked simultaneously. I still must've been in shock because I can't tell how the room became so quiet so quickly."
I could see in my mind's eye the scene that played out before me. "I remember Emily saying something about the duty of an imprint. Sam spouts something about pack unity. Jacob said, "I just needed to get over it and get used to his behavior," And then I had the rug pulled out from under me." I could still see it like it was just yesterday.
"That's when the elders showed up. Not all of them, mind you, but the three that matter the most at the moment. Old Quil, Billy, and… Sue."
I looked up at Charlie when I said those names. I needed to see his face as he heard the names I never wanted to tell him, but they needed to be said.
My dad's face seemed to age quickly as my words sank into his brain. I watched as the full knowledge of the ramifications set in on him.
What I saw twisted my stomach so fast that I was now happy to have said no when food was offered earlier. Booze on my stomach wasn't a new thing to me, so I was able to get myself under control to try and help Dad as he came to terms with all of this.
"Do you need a moment?" I asked, clearly seeing that he did.
I couldn't add any more onto him right now. He needed to absorb the information he'd just received. I needed to get myself under control before I told him the rest of my story. It isn't going to get better for either of us, that I knew for a fact.