Chapter 2: Days in the Sun
One picks up a lot as a baby, Harry finds. Adults always assume - in usual situations correctly - that what he hears, he cannot possibly understand. Thus, Harry sits in his parents' arms at highly secret meetings and is present in the room during heated arguments between the both of them. Most arguments revolve around Harry, the Prophecy, and the mark on his hand.
A soul-mark, they call it. For once in his lifetime, it is not some absurd piece of magic that happens only to Harry, as everyone he knows either has one or will still receive theirs.
For his mother, it is a set of stag antlers on her collarbones, whereas James has a trail of fiery red strands circling his upper arm, surrounded by a swirl of purple smoke that they interpreted as potion fumes. They appear when both people who are meant for each other have been born and are often obscure hints to find one's true Intended chosen by magic. Harry's only problem currently is that the very thought of who his Intended most likely is, scares the living hell out of him.
Apart from a few dark creatures such as vampires (a theory that James sometimes clings to when needing a spot of brightness in his life), there really is no other person that Harry can think of besides Voldemort who might have such eyes. The only strange part about it is that while ruby, it does not have a tell-tale slitted pupil, nor is it entirely red. This fact has never come up in his parent's conversations however, so for all Harry knows, Voldemort's eyes in this world aren't slitted at all.
Hermione was absolutely correct with her theory of multiverses. A bitter realisation that Harry carries in his heart, unable to properly show grief for the friends whom he has not been able to save. His first thought in the morning and his last in the evening goes out to them each and every day.
One pinprick of light is that not everything has spiralled into strange directions: the world is similar enough to his own, apart from a few out-of-place details. For one, Severus Snape is a constant in Harry's life, as he is a good family friend that even James tolerates. Harry does not know yet why, can't exactly ask for details to compare this life to the one he came from. His own theory is that Snape maybe has never insulted his mother, or perhaps his father was less of a bully and hasn't antagonised Snape so much. As a result, Harry suspects that Snape might not be a Death Eater at all, though it is hard to confirm when confined to a crib.
The only one who severely dislikes Snape still is Sirius, resulting in the two men clashing whenever they are in the same room. With Sirius always hanging around James and Lily insisting on her best friend visiting often, it's a near daily occurrence. At least Sirius usually has all the ammo in these conversations, for all the insults that Snape used in Harry's last life are moot here: Orion and Walburga passed away in a tragic accident before Sirius started Hogwarts, giving the man power, responsibility and wealth at the tender age of ten. He has full control over a family he's never been cast out of for being sorted into Gryffindor a year later – he'd hardly disown himself - and has worked relentlessly to make Grimmauld place number twelve an inviting living space from that very day onwards.
All the little changes add up, making Harry's head spin each time he notices one of these dissimilarities. Trying to figure out where they originate from is the most difficult part.
At least there's no change to Remus as far as he's aware. Still the mild-mannered yet mischievous man with a furry problem that Harry has come to know and love. Pettigrew is there too, although Harry actually vindictively does resort to crying whenever he comes near. Like with Snape, there's no proof that Wormtail is in the Dark Lord's service right now or about to betray Harry's parents, but seeing the rat always makes his blood boil. Unlike with Snape, there are no other indicators as to changed behaviour.
Unfortunately, the Prophecy still exists, unchanged as far as he is aware. Dumbledore is of the opinion that it takes on a whole new meaning if Voldemort really is Harry's Intended, and the Headmaster does not look pleased by the prospect. Whenever he visits, he'll take Harry in his arms and rocks the baby while muttering all of his worries into the long, silver beard. Harry learns a lot in those moments too, including the shocking revelation that Dumbledore has been in a relationship with a Dark Lord himself. With how secretive his mentor always used to be, Harry isn't entirely sure whether this is new or not. It's one of those moments where it has been near impossible to keep up the act. Only the hard-earned skills of hiding and keeping secrets that he garnered out of necessity in his previous life keep the words in and his expression schooled.
If he is honest with himself, Harry has no clue what he is going to do about Dumbledore. He respects the Headmaster and holds the old man's skills and advice in high regard, but ultimately Dumbledore had been - and in this life, still is - wrong. His quest to kill Voldemort, which he'd passed onto Harry, had led to the devastation of the Wizarding World. And yet, Harry does not think he can ever turn a wand against his former mentor.
He doesn't have a clue about many things, admittedly. In all the scenarios he imaged, returning to just after being born had not been a possibility he'd entertained. Seeing his parents again, living in a house where he is loved simply for breathing… all that he'd never dared dream. Harry had thought that he would return to the life of a teenager, where the death of his parents was already set in stone, unavoidable… Now, it is no longer so. That brings forth the pressing question: should he try to defy fate?
Harry somehow feels a strange responsibility towards his parents. As much as he sometimes tries to deny it, they are young, barely twenty. Mentally being in his mid-thirties, he often cannot relate to some of their petty drama and problems and feels very old indeed. They remind him of how Ron and Hermione used to squabble over things that seemed of such great concern back then, but in retrospect had been nothing at all… Who said a passive aggressive comment to whom, who didn't want to sleep in the coldest spot, who told a 'secret' to another… Hearing that reflected in James and Lily feels as if he is supposed to parent them at times, even if he can never act upon it. They have so much life left still, so much experience to gain…
It is a terrible decision to make. Should his parents live, the entirety of his life will change. He won't have a single clue anymore about what is going to happen and when. Worse, Voldemort's timeline will not be interrupted by the man's temporary death. For while Harry knows that in the end, he has to help the Dark Lord, the first Wizarding War is a chaotic and tragic mess. He sees it every day as the creases in the faces of those who attempt to keep him safe deepen. He hears it during every meeting. Deaths, disappearances, manipulation and bribery are common, everyday occurrences. Everything will go so much smoother if he can start with a clean slate, reach Voldemort when the man is vulnerable enough to listen, without the plain support of his many followers, as was the intention of Harry's original plan of travelling back to age eleven…
Moreover, will he become a Horcrux if his mother won't sacrifice herself? Or, if he somehow manages to send his parents away that evening, what if Harry just… dies?
Of course, he's thought about whether that might be the best option. Die so that the Prophecy will be fulfilled early on. Voldemort can rise to power quicker and save them faster. However, the Dark Lord is reckless too, seeing Muggles not only as a threat, but also as a lower species that has to be either eliminated or ruled over. Harry's knowledge of how they will attack, of the technology they'll invent, will be invaluable in the future. Without it, perhaps even Voldemort might underestimate them and lose in the end.
This was it, the point of the Greater Good that Dumbledore always tried to live by. The point Harry was never fully able to agree with. Save his family and potentially squander his chance to rescue the rest of the Wizarding World? Or let them die before his eyes in the hope that he can use the knowledge of his previous life to have Voldemort succeed?
He wishes that he could at least confide in someone, but keeps his mouth firmly shut. There is enough attention on and speculation about Harry, the combination of the Prophecy and the soul mark weighing down on him. Suddenly revealing that he is a thirty-four-year-old man reincarnated in the body of a babe likely won't go over well. Especially not because the answer to 'why', is 'I have to make sure the evil dark lord you are all fighting wins'. They are already worried enough about their son being fated to become a dark wizard.
Harry has to give his parents credit though: they try their utmost best. Not once have they acted cold or shunned him as a result of their speculations. If anything, they give him more attention and love, show harmless displays of light magic to entertain him. Sometimes, they have deep talks that last into the night of how they can possibly balance raising Harry to be light with what Magic has intended for him. For one thing is sure: soul marks never lie, they always match, and keeping one away from their Intended against their will is legally a crime. From the day that Harry turns eleven and is considered capable of wielding a wand, his parents will have to accept his decision, whichever it may be.
Although his instincts scream to push that matter to the far back of his mind, Harry has spent numerous days mulling over what to do about this soul bond, because it is not something that can simply be ignored. Helping Voldemort somehow because he knows it has to be done is one thing. Accepting the terrifying man as his Intended? Another matter altogether.
A ray of hope that he clings onto is that a soul bond can be platonic. The key to it blossoming is closeness, being around your Intended near constantly. It does not necessarily have to include being romantically involved. There's no marriage or consummation required to active the ever-present bond that formed the day Harry was born. Unfortunately, while he certainly can opt to only aid the man and perhaps build a relationship as an ally while settling down with someone else, he's heard enough to know that hardly ever ends well. Hopeless tales of children denying their Intended as a possible spouse for being of a bloodline or gender that is undesired by their own family to instead accept arranged marriages or pick another themselves. While theoretically that may work, the unintended spouse is hardly ever willing to share so much time and space, lingering insecurity chipping away at the relationship. Not wholly unfounded either: more often than not, it just leads to scandals when soulmates start seeing each other after all, behind their spouses' backs.
His mother and father speak of those with pity, as it withers the magical core to not be around one's other half. But Voldemort… Harry shivers involuntarily. For years, his only goal had been trying to kill the man. He'd been insane, unable to love, cold and cruel. Surely that cannot be Harry's fate? A man who laughed in his face at the suggestion of showing remorse? Someone who taunted his already broken enemies?
In the end, he decides that it will depend on Voldemort. So much in this world is different, he can't instantly dismiss the Dark Lord altogether. Who knows how his character is here? If magic has chosen them for each other, it would be unwise to throw that possibility out before even meeting the man in person. Of course, it doesn't really speak for Voldemort that there is still a war, and Harry's parents are still a target.
''Such a peculiar child,'' Snape muses one day when picking Harry up. He merely stares back with an annoyed look, as Snape is not the best at handling children. It feels as if he's a sack of potatoes rather than a person, held up in front of the potion master to be inspected over a hawk-like nose. At least the inky hair is less greasy than Harry remembers it to be. ''I've never seen one so silent.''
Is he overdoing it, Harry suddenly wonders? He's never had children of his own, has never even been around any. When Ron and Hermione thought about having kids together, trouble had already been brooding on the horizon with the Muggles. They decided not to go through with it, a decision they were glad for when on the run. Harry thus has no idea about how other babies act. When is he supposed to learn speaking? When should he be able to walk? He dislikes pretending to cry over small things when he can point at objects to get what he wants. The baby wail that comes from his own mouth never fails to make him feel awkward.
''I'm glad for it,'' Lily speaks, coming over to gently take Harry in her arms. ''Alice always complains about how much her baby cries. It looks like he didn't inherit the need for attention that his father has.'' She throws Snape a conspiratorial grin. ''I doubt you'd like being around Harrison so often otherwise.''
''He is tolerable,'' Snape speaks, looking a bit like he's swallowed something sour.
For the thousandth time, Harry speculates about Snape's soulmate. If everyone is supposed to be chosen for someone else, then the potion master has to be as well. Yet he often hangs out either here or at Hogwarts, where he is apprenticed to Professor Slughorn for now. There does not seem to be a significant other in his life. Is he one of those unlucky ones whose soulmate has chosen someone else? Or has Snape's Intended not been born yet? There are sometimes age gaps that anyone in Harry's original world would have found disturbing. He is no exception to this himself, as Voldemort is already fifty-four now and must also only have received a mark when Harry was born half a year prior. Those age differences are also one of the most problematic things about soulmates. People who are of 'marrying age' and have not received their mark yet often marry anyways for the continuation of their family lines and then have a massive choice to make if several years into their marriage, they suddenly bear a soul mark one day.
What does Voldemort's mark look like? Does he also have an eye on his hand? Or is it something entirely different? Harry can't really imagine what other distinctive features he has. He's no Animagus, does not particularly stand out in anything and his only physical feature that is considered rare is the eye colour he's inherited from his mother.
All of this musing makes him tired again, the one thing Harry dislikes most about being a baby: he has to sleep the majority of the day and whenever he is awake, the hours are filled with nagging hunger that never fully goes away. Frustratingly, there are sure to be many interesting conversations he missed due to the sheer amount of naps he needs. Having the mental age of an adult does not give his body anymore fortitude. Also, having to act as a newborn for so long does start wearing him down. Harry hopes he won't lose himself and revert to being more childish.
With those troublesome thoughts on his mind, he gives into sleep for now, nodding off in his mother's arms.
Months of slow, lazy days pass him by. Many of them accompanied by a boredom that is only alleviated when he is left alone and can indulge in honing wandless magic. In all other wizards and witches, the core develops over time and won't become available until they are around four years of age at the earliest. Magic is tied to the soul though, as is evident when it comes to pieces of soul magic like Horcruxes, and Harry's soul is much, much older than this body. During his adult years, he came to rely on doing almost anything with magic, from telling the time to casting warming charms. Being able to do the same now is a blessing, albeit only when no-one is looking.
It makes his days far more interesting when he can levitate leftovers from the table right after dinner, when his parents go into the kitchen to wash up – he knows it's unwise to actually swallow solid foods but oh, the taste of blueberries or roast before he vanishes the food in his mouth is glorious – or when he can charm the cat into coming closer to him for hugs. It is a standard house cat of no specific breed and certainly has no Kneazle blood like most other mages prefer in their feline pets. It doesn't matter, Harry loves the little beast, and his parents always croon about how good he is with animals whenever they lie curled up together in his crib.
He also gets a better idea of how to act. His mother bought a few books on babies at the advice of Remus, as the werewolf showed concern about Harry's 'stunted development'. Harry easily makes those float over to his crib to study what is expected of him as a nine-month-old infant. He grimaces when it lists such things as starting to blabber in two-vowel-consonant words like 'baba', copying the gestures of other people and responding to peek-a-boo play. None of those are things he wants to pretend to do, especially as one of his worries is that if he starts saying anything, he might not sound enough like a baby. At least it also gives a sense of expected motor skills, and over the next days, he starts to show the ability to crawl and stand up. He's been able to do so months ago already, but only because he disliked being so helpless and knew that people should do that at one point. Thus, he trained his movements and muscles much more methodically than any baby would have done on its own. It clearly eases the anxiety of his parents that, despite still not vocalising beyond some vague sounds, he is making progress now, which Harry considers good enough.
Much sooner than expected, the day of his first birthday dawns. The smell of cake wafts from the kitchen and several people drop by to leave small gifts: for his parents in the form of baby-care equipment and for Harry in the form of toys, his favourite being a toy broom that Sirius bought which he can hover around on with a bit of support from friends and family. The day is bittersweet. It is possibly the only birthday he'll ever spend with his parents, and while he tries to enjoy the moment, he can't not help the feel of dread when thinking about Halloween only being three months away. He has to cut the Gordian knot and form a final plan.
His parents notice his mood declining over the next few weeks and try to cheer him up with little bits of magic and hugs. Harry clings to them both, still in two minds about what to do. Logically, Lily and James have to die. Emotionally, Harry is far too attached to the both of them to lose them again. In his first life, he hadn't known them, so the pain of not having parents was more of an abstract idea of what could have been. This… this is a wholly different story. He can't do it. He cannot sacrifice the people who gave up everything to stay in this house for his protection for so long. He now knows both of his parents intimately and loves every aspect about them, from James' irritated rants about being cooped up (that remind Harry so starkly and painfully of similar words uttered by Sirius in a different life) to Lily's ability to find joy in the smallest things.
Before dawn on the 31st of October, Harry grabs the toy broom he's now mastered to fly by himself and zooms up the staircase, quietly entering his parents' bedroom. Looking down on their sleeping forms, he picks up his mother's wand from the nightstand. Willow, 10 ¼ inch as Ollivander once mentioned. The peculiar wandmaker had failed to say that she too carried a wand with a Phoenix feather. It will suit him more than his father's, which holds the tail hairs of a unicorn. With great regret that he has to cast such a vile curse on them, he points a trembling wand to his mother's temple. ''Imperio,'' he whispers, then repeats the spell quickly on his father. It is straining, but through years of training Defence against the Dark Arts and having to cast this spell on both Death Eaters and Muggles over the years, he manages to hold both under his control. It will only be for a day, until the threat is over…
He casts a few harmless spells after just in case, then places the wands in their respective hands as he orders them to leave the house and go to Muggle London for a day trip, of which they are not to return until tomorrow morning. He isn't sure yet how he'll handle them when they will return, perhaps with memory-altering charms… he'll have to improvise. The most important thing is to get them out now. Harry only hopes that they won't receive visitors today. Snape mentioned wanting to 'stop by' late evening if he isn't too busy with the feast at Hogwarts.
''All in due time,'' Harry whispers, wincing at the sound of his squeaky voice.
All day, he is a bundle of nerves, zooming through the house on the toy broom and thinking of what he will do. Should he outright try to talk to Voldemort when the man arrives? Should he wait and see what the Dark Lord will do when realising that Harry is the only one home? Maybe, just maybe, the soul mark is such an obvious sign that it won't even come to that and Voldemort won't attempt to cast a Killing curse when recognising his Intended.
That is, if the Dark Lord doesn't believe that such things are as overrated as love.
He arrives earlier than expected, hours earlier in fact. The front door is blasted open while Harry is still flying from left to right in the living room. The cat hisses and runs away, probably to go hide in the backyard as usual. Harry stops dead in his tracks and stares at the door that leads to the hallway from which Voldemort will emerge. There is… something in the air that he's never experienced before, a feeling just beyond his grasp that leaves him wanting to reach out. Harry reels himself back, this is no time to explore whatever strange magic is at play here.
''Well well, so it was no decoy then,'' the Dark Lord softly speaks as he enters and looks straight at Harry, who stares back in shock. The man definitely does not look like a regular human being, but more so than Harry has ever seen him. It makes sense in a way. The Horcruxes altered his appearance and in this moment he should have two less than by the time he resurrected in Harry's first life: Nagini and Harry. The man's skin is still chalk-white, and the irises of his eyes flash red, but it is clear that he shaves his head rather than that being naturally bald, and his other facial features aren't fully serpentine yet either.
Voldemort kneels in front of him with a fluid movement and catches Harry's face between two long fingers. ''Why would your parents have left you alone to wander into London in broad daylight of all places?''
Any words that Harry thought of saying die in his throat. No, it couldn't be… they were in Muggle London for Merlin's sake!
''I suppose it does not matter now anymore. If I hadn't already needed to eliminate you, young Harry Potter, I would do so now. I don't leave orphans in this world…'' Harry sits frozen as the reality of his parent's demise crashes down. After everything, he believed to be incapable of such strong anguish by this point, so it catches him by utter surprise when his throat closes up and no air is left in his lungs. A very familiar wand is put under his chin as Voldemort continues speaking: ''Such a waste of potential, I might just regret your death.''
It is said with such sincerity that Harry snaps out of his sorrow for a moment. In the depth of Voldemort's eyes, so identical to the mark engraved on Harry's hand, he sees true emotion swirl. This is not the same man as the one he fought in his last life.
Then, his attention is brought to something else. On the side of Voldemort's elongated neck is the same shape that made Harry famous. A shimmering tattoo of a lightning-bolt scar, the very same that Harry will only receive as a result of a failed Killing curse.
So, it does come down to this, then. Again, he cannot escape the Prophecy. The burden of two lives bears down on him in this moment, all the could-have-been's and would-be's. Harry does not know why or how, but his life is not forfeit yet.
With silent acceptance, he waits for the green flash of light that follows soon after.
AN:
The working title of this chapter was 'where Harry has a decent childhood for a single year to enjoy'.
Poor guy can never catch a break for long, but at least he got one?
I know the first half of this chapter was more world-building than plot, but it'll be more conversations and such from here on.
Please let me know your thoughts.