Breathe
She had squeezed my hand ever so lightly.
Took in a deep breath, her brow creasing at the strength she had to gather to flutter her eyes open.
She had whispered my name in a daze of confusion, still in the grips of the morphine.
I leaned over her, bracing her softly, to keep her from moving.
"I'm right here, my love." I promised her.
"Where-am-I?" She breathed. Her words formed into one single sound.
"You're with me" I told her simply, forcing a smile that she got only a glimpse of, before her eyes fell shut again.
It had been so easy to calm her then. But I knew that was about to end.
I was going to crush what small shred of hope she had been clinging to over these past months.
It would take only minutes.
Her movements weren't heavy anymore. The drugs had worn, and she gathered the energy she needed to fully regain consciousness.
She hummed in discomfort and tried to rearrange herself on the mattress. But of course, she couldn't. To tightly bound with bandages that were seemingly holding her together.
"Edward?" She questioned clearly, before her eyes opened.
"It's ok. You're ok."
It wasn't. She wasn't. But I still chanted the empty promises as though I could manifest them into this room for her.
Her eyes were suddenly open, wild like an animal caught in a trap, realising that they'd taken a wrong step. They'd made one wrong turn and now they were going to pay for it.
No, I didn't need to remind her of what had happened to her.
How very naïve of me to ever think her mind could misplace something so horrible.
She pulled her hand from mine and brought it to her face, shaking, barely touching the dressing before repelling her fingers back. The feel of the material alone was enough to send a jolt through her system.
"Baby, look at me" I begged, standing over her.
"What has he done?" She cried out, echoing my own words in a panic filled hysteria.
Her eyes cast down as she tried to lift herself. Attempting to see where the mutilation ended.
I tried to keep her still, stop her from moving. I couldn't.
"Look at me" I begged her.
Finally, she did, waiting, hyperventilating, crying.
There was a pleading in her expression. She thought I could fix this. How could she still have so much faith in me when I'd been nothing but useless to her since the day we met.
"You're gonna be ok. We're gonna get through this, Bella." I told her, wishing I hadn't sounded so weak.
She shook her head. She didn't believe me. Not for a single second.
Her cries intensified and I knew then that there were no words to soothe her.
If only I could gather her up into the safety of my arms and hold her close. But I couldn't even offer her that.
I continued on trying, promising her that she was going to be able to get through this. That much I knew was true.
But it was as though she couldn't hear me me.
She was caught in her own panic, and I had no way to retrieve her from it.
The machines started beeping, screaming out with her.
Nurses came running in. A doctor soon followed.
Mixed in with her agonising cries was a plea. She wanted to go home.
As though we could retreat back into the confines of that house and find ourselves untouched by this terror.
The nurses and doctor told her that she needed to calm down.
She didn't. She couldn't.
Suddenly she was trying to pull at the tube and wires.
We worked to hold her in place carefully, as she violently attempted to run away.
She wanted to leave so badly that I could almost be convinced that it was the right decision.
The sedative they gave her acted fast and brought on a stillness in her muscles.
I stood aside while they checked her over, assuring she'd done no damage during her outburst.
Like the flip of a switch. The crowded and loud room was once again silent and empty.
She clung to consciousness watching me move back to her side.
I leaned down toward her and gently pressed my brow to the side of hers.
Whispering into her ear. "Breathe, Bella", just as I had done a hundred times before. Whenever she got too tangled up with the darkness that resided in the farthest corners of her mind. The evil thing that lay in wait for a chance to sink its teeth into her once more.
It was strong.
She was stronger.
"You can do this" I assured her.
I watched her fall asleep. Grateful she had somewhere safe to retreat to.
As I sat in the room, the daylight gave way to night, and I let the room grow dark.
Unmoving I started at her, wondering if he'd found a way to justify his actions yet. Anything to hide away from what he's done.
She shouldn't have upset me.
Shouldn't have angered me.
She should have wanted me.
My jaw tightened and my eyes narrowed.
There was an anger burning in me that was singeing the edges of everything that I knew to be right and wrong. It made it impossible to see that line that had been drawn in the dirt.