Furious
The dejection in her eyes as I spoke to her was hard to look at. Almost as hard as the swelling and bruising that was now creeping out from behind the dressing.
Days had passed by, covering us in a blanket of silence.
There was no more screaming. No more pleading with me to rescue her.
Just this deafening silence.
I'd done this with her before.
After Charlie died, it was as though she just couldn't remember why she should bother voicing her thoughts.
There were simple words that she would speak, but nothing more.
"He'll be here soon. You don't have to talk to him, just listen." I explained.
The conversations I have with her when she's like this, though may seem one sided, were not. I knew her eyes better than my own reflection and could see everything in them.
She wanted to see the plastic surgeon that Carlie had flown in. But she didn't want came along with it.
They were waiting on his arrival to change the dressing. The plastic surgeon, Doctor Harbour wanted to see the injuries himself, before offering his opinion to Bella.
It all had to be done as quickly as possible. So, nothing was left uncovered any longer than was necessary.
"It should be quick" I told her, hoping to comfort her.
She nodded slightly before directing her eyes back to the ceiling.
I didn't make anymore promises to her and I didn't tell her everything was going to be ok. Not because I didn't have the words to offer, but because I knew she didn't want to hear them.
A small tap at the door, had me looking over my shoulder as Bella's nurse, Shirley came in.
She was an older lady that had been doing this job longer than Bella had been alive. She'd seen it all. Even Bella's injuries, as shocking as they were to me, hadn't fazed her. She'd been assigned to Bella for that exact reason.
She carried in a bag and placed it on the table beside me. My eyes drawn to it instantly.
"There's some things you were brought in with, dear" she told Bella, not expecting any kind of reaction from her.
Bella's silence wasn't something that shocked her either. But it did have her mind wondering. Questioning.
Was her silence a result of the injuries?
Was it the event that had caused them?
Or was it both?
She explained to Bella that she was going to give her something to make her more comfortable for the examination.
Bella didn't respond, but her eyes softened when Shirley lightly rubbed her shoulder.
When she left, I reached over and picked the bag up.
Her cell. The screen, a list of notifications- But nothing from Renee like I had hoped.
Just missed calls and text messages from me.
It felt like a lifetime ago that I'd sent them.
The rest of the bag was filled with what I would have expected. A bracelet. The small leather wallet that Bella carried.
My eyes caught something else.
Something that had been parcelled up carefully.
I picked up the small item and unwrapped it, Bella watching from the corner of her eye.
It was her engagement ring.
I held it between my fingers inspecting it for the briefest of moments.
My brow creased and my sights shot to her.
For a moment our eyes met. I could see it there. Every nerve in her body reacting, shocking its way through her system like electricity.
Burning her.
She turned away as much as she could, cowering at the sight of the piece of jewellery, that once made her smile.
She never wore it around Jacob, wanting to spare his feelings. I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.
She'd forgotten to take it off before she left.
I had so many questions to ask her. But I didn't dare. Scared the wall she'd built between us would expand.
She just wasn't ready.
I wrapped it back up and put it back in the bag.
"You alright, love?" I asked her gently, taking her hand in mine again. Kissing her knuckles lightly.
She widened her eyes, willing the tears back.
I sighed when I was met with silence. My head turning toward the door as I took in the thoughts of the nurses at their station.
"They're coming Bella. It's time." I told her, gauging every visible feature on her face. Trying to find something there that would let me know that she was going to be ok with this.
Doctor Harbour came in first, Carlisle following closely behind. I was happy to see the relief that came over Bella at the sight of him.
"I'm Doctor Harbour. Fell free to call me Marcus."
He ignored Bella's silence and continued on, having already been informed that she wasn't interested in talking much right now.
"Usually, I'd do this with your nurse. But Carlisle has offered to assist. Is that ok with you".
"Yes" she whispered weakly, but it seemed to echo through the room.
"You know we're going to remove the dressing from face and chest. I'll check on your injuries to make sure they're healing how we'd want them to. Then we'll get everything covered back up again."
She nodded. Shirley had already explained all of this to Bella. She wanted to assure she was as prepared as she could be.
I stayed by her side while they started carefully removing the white layers. One after another until the fabric changed colour.
I don't think anything could ever have prepared me for the sight. The angry slashes into her beautiful skin, down the left side of her face, down the centre of her chest and reaching over to her breast.
Carlisle stood beside Marcus taking from him and handing over whatever he had needed.
When all the wounds were laid bare, Carlisle's eyes met mine. I can't imagine the rage he found there.
Bella was so distant. Starring at the ceiling, desperately trying not to see a single mark.
Hiding from her own body.
I couldn't bare the thought of it.
There was a mixture of sutures and staples, used to hold her together. She'd fall apart without them; I could see that now.
How she'd not bled out and died, I will never know. She must have been clinging to life by the very tips of her fingers.
When he was done. When he'd wrapped her back up slowly and meticulously, he took a moment. Breathed out heavily and let his gaze focus on Bella.
She's just a child, he thought.
"Everything is healing well. There's no sign of infection." He informed her.
Bella looked at me eagerly as he spoke, squinting at me slightly.
"Do you believe you can help her?" I asked, speaking for her.
She looked back to him.
He nodded. "I believe with time."
Bella frowned.
"Time?" I questioned. I could almost see her buzzing with anticipation.
"We can start the process is six months. I believe in a year we will be ready to start surgery."
"A year!" Bella suddenly called out, leaving everyone in the room stunned.
Marcus composed himself quickly, but I hadn't missed him flinch at the pain in Bella's voice.
"To archive the best results, we need to follow a process." He explained, unaffected by her hard-set expression.
She looked back to me, as always, her faith in me was unwarranted. Always believing that I could fix the unfixable. As though I could twist time itself to suit her.
But in amongst it, I could have smiled. Had the moment not been drenched in misery.
Bella had always been indifferent. Passive. So very accepting of all the horrors around her.
But not this time.
This time she was angry.
She was furious.