Chapter 4 - When One Door Closes, Another Opens
Why did this have to happen? Why does nothing go my way? Everyone I'm close to ALWAYS leaves. I was thinking this as I ran away from that house. How could she do this to me? How could she give me Pawmi and act like I would just go on with my journey afterward knowing she's about to die? There's no way I can train Pawmi without thinking of how caring Luna was to me. I had no one else, but she was like the mother I honestly never had.
My parents were never around. They were way too "busy" with their jobs and being the chairpeople of the school board to pay attention to me back in Cabo Poco. They'd constantly go on vacations during the summer, so I was all alone. Until Luna became our nanny that is. My parents were trying to get me to stop begging them to stay, so they decided to hire Luna as a nanny for me instead of just spending time with me. She would always cheer me up when my parents were gone doing their own thing. I even called her mom occasionally. Her, Pawmi, and her husband Darren were like the happy family I never got to experience.
I could tell my parents regretted having me. They were annoyed by my constant energy when I was a kid and even now. I have to put up a front with them so I can appease to them. It's never enough though. I worked hard in school to be the student council president and worked my ass off training to become champion, and I did that. They congratulated me, but they then went back to the same routine of business and vacation without me involved. Nothing's ever enough for them to stay with me.
But Luna was different. She lifted me up and told me to embrace who I am: an energetic and loving hard worker. I put my whole being into whatever I want to do. She would spend time with me and treat me like the daughter she never had. She's the only one who has stayed with me all my life. She's the only one that affirmed who I was. She would always take me to Los Platos, which felt like my real home. Everyone knew me and loved who I was, and I can never be more thankful. But Luna is the only one who has seen me at my lowest. I always act like I'm happy all the time, but no one can really be happy for their whole lives right? Luna is the one who picked me up at those low points. When fake friends would use my vulnerability for affection so they can use me for money and training. When bullies discredited my hard work, saying that the reason I became student council president and champion are because my mom and dad are the chairpeople of the school. When I felt truly alone, Luna was there. So now that she is leaving, I feel so empty. It feels like I have no reason to move forward if the one person who affirms that side of me is gone. I don't know where to turn.
"Nemona! Where are you?"
No that's Jake! He can't see me like this! He'll see how weak I am. He'll leave just like everyone else in my life. Why would he stay with someone as weak as me. I bet others could take the grief and move on just fine. Jake would be embarrassed to be around me. Wipe your tears Nemona!
"Oh hi Jake! I'm right here. I was just running out because... ummm... I-I was gonna surprise you with some ice cream! You didn't get to taste any of it, so I wanted you to have a true Los Platos experience!"
"You were gonna surprise me with ice cream?" I could tell he didn't believe me. How could he? I'm being dumb again.
"Ummm Yeah haha." I scratched my head awkwardly trying to ignore the gaping hole Luna's absence is bringing.
"You know you can talk to me right? I know you're hurting. Please just let it out." Jake pleaded.
"Why should I? You'd just leave anyway. You'd think I'm weak and then ignore me once we get to school! I'll have to sit alone at lunch again every day pretending I'm studying since you'll leave! I thought things would change this year, but they won't! I don't know why I'm so naive!" I couldn't take anymore. I cried my eyes out to him. I feel so uncomfortable. I just want to hide away. I hate this feeling.
He walked slowly up to me. Please don't hurt me, please don't hurt me!
I felt his arms wrap around me. I felt him rub my back up and down like Luna always used to do to make me feel better. No! He's just trying to trick me. Don't let up Nemona! Keep others away.
"It's going to be ok Nemona. You can let it out. You don't need to stay strong anymore. I'm here."
That did it. I let it all out. Everything that has built up the past few years within broke loose. I ugly sobbed into his shirt for 15 minutes, and he was still here. This has never happened before with someone my age. I felt so free. I started calming down when there were no more tears left to cry.
"You feeling better?" Jake asked. I nodded as I wiped the tears off my face.
"Sorry I got your shirt all wet," I timidly responded. Jake laughed.
"I guess I'll allow it," Jake responded jokingly. I laughed a little.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked me. I already opened up to him once, and I don't think I'm comfortable enough to do it again honestly. I do feel like I'm making progress to be myself all the time though. Truly myself to those around me instead of just being happy and energetic all the time. Baby steps.
"Not right now. I'll tell you more, but just give me time. I don't usually open up like this," I responded timidly. I've never been this timid before unless it's around Luna.
"No worries. Just know I'll be there, ok?" He asked. I nodded. Maybe I have a friend now. I smiled to myself.
As I was about to respond further, Pawmi came running over. "Pawmi!" It yelled.
"Pawmi? What are you doing here?" It came up to me and hugged my leg tightly. "Paw! Pawmi!"
"It looks like he's worried about you Nemona," Jake observed. Pawmi really cares huh.
"Awww it's ok buddy. I'm feeling better now, don't worry!" I was feeling like myself again. Jake smiled at Pawmi and me.
"You care for me just like Luna don't you Pawmi!" I forgot a little bit about Luna until now and felt empty again. Pawmi noticed and hugged me tighter. So cute!
"It's ok Pawmi. Thanks for caring about me," I responded to his sympathy. I just realized about how Pawmi was feeling about this. I don't think he even knows what's happening.
You know what. Luna's right. I shouldn't just leave Pawmi to watch his favorite person and caretaker die. He probably won't understand what's happening. I should take him and help him become as strong as possible for Luna's sake.
"Hey Pawmi!" Pawmi looked at me confused. "Would you like to come with me on my travels and become the strongest Pawmi out there?" I asked excitedly. Pawmi immediately jumped up and down in excitement. "Paw! Mi Mi!"
"Alright! Welcome to the team buddy!" I offered up a pokeball, and he jumped up to be caught. Two new pokemon in the same day! How exciting!
"That's great Nemona!" Jake congratulated me. I nodded in appreciation. "You wanna go back?" He asked me. I nodded as we made our way back to Luna's house. My little outburst must have lasted long. It's already night time. Wait! We need to get to school!
"Jake we definitely need to hurry! It's night time!"
"OH SHIT! Let's hurry back!" He responded. We started running back to Luna's.
I sighed thinking of Nemona. Did I tell her too soon? She was always sensitive since she was young even though she never showed it. I hope she's more open to others soon. I hope Jake is actually trustworthy because once I go, it'll just be him to help her. Her pokemon definitely have helped her in the past, but sometimes one just needs human understanding to get through their issues. I hope Jake was successful in consoling her.
I have accepted that death is near. Once Darren died due to cancer himself, I realized that death is a part of life. I largely ignored it as life went on, but my one true love leaving this Earth did not sit right with me. He was a kind and gentle man, always caring for others around him. He had a tough exterior, but he had a soft spot that only Nemona and I could crack. I loved him more than anyone else, and we got married. We never had much money, barely able to make ends meet, so we prolonged having a child for awhile until things were looking up. It happened when he founded Sugar-N-Ice with an old friend from Naranja Academy. He never thought of running a business, but Los Platos needed something to bring people together. It helped the neighborhood of Los Platos to become a family with everyone meeting at Sugar-N-Ice. It was like our own mini meeting spot for all the families in the neighborhood. He made a nice living out of it, so we decided to finally have a child.
We went to the doctor in happiness that we can finally live our lives with a child of our own. The doctor tested me, then disaster struck. I was infertile. The world felt like it was crashing. Things are finally looking up when everything comes crashing down again. I felt grief at the fact that our child would not be born. Word got around Los Platos, and everyone came to comfort us. One person down the road suggested catching a pokemon to be like our child. It sounded great to us, and our new baby was Pawmi.
We took care of Pawmi like we would take care of a kid, and he was a delight. He was so energetic, like Nemona, and would always play. He was there for me when Darren died even though he doesn't know it. He still waits at the door sometimes for Darren to come back. He and Nemona are the only two people that keep me going as well as the family built from Los Platos.
I met Nemona shortly after we got Pawmi. I originally worked as a cashier in Sugar-N-Ice, but I felt a drawing to the mansion down the road in Cabo Poco asking for a nanny. I could tell they weren't the best of parents since they explicitly said on the poster, "Will take anyone who can stop our kid from seeking attention so much." It was cruel, and I knew that I needed to help that poor little girl. I took the job.
The parents did not interview me or talk to me whatsoever. They just said "hello" and walked out the door to their jobs leaving me with Nemona. They did not care whatsoever, and it hurt, so I gave everything I had for Nemona. She warmed up to me immediately since I actually talked to her. She seemed to be pretty lonely considering it was just the mansion and her family in Cabo Poco, so she immediately gravitated towards Pawmi and me when we first met. Her and Pawmi became my children as I showed them to the Los Platos family and helped take care of them when no one else would. I let them be themselves and affirmed them to be who they want to be. Not who their parents want them to be in the case of Nemona. We became a mini family with Darren, and I couldn't be happier. Nemona grew up to be an amazing women becoming successful in all she did. It's a shame that she could never be herself around others due to her hard work and success, but I was always there for her when it hurt most. Now that I'm leaving, I know that Pawmi and hopefully Jake can help her while I physically am unable to anymore. I have accepted how my life will end, and I'm happy how it went having Nemona, Pawmi, and Darren. It will be time for me to go soon, but I have had a long blessed life. I am thankful, but tired and ready to rest.
The door was barged through as Jake, Nemona, and Pawmi were panting.
"We need to go right now! We need to get to school!" Jake yelled. "Thank you so much for having us and this amazing feast. I'll leave you three to talk while I get everything ready in the other room."
"That would be great sweetie. Thank you," I replied. What a nice young man! He left the room as I looked over at Nemona. She looked like she was about to cry looking at me, but she was trying to smile and say goodbye.
"I'm gonna stay with you Luna!" She choked out. I was shocked!
"No no no Nemona. You have to go on with your passion. You know that I wouldn't want you to sit here while you could be conquering the world following your passions," I replied.
"No! That all means nothing if you're not here!" She yelled and finally broke down in tears. I hugged her for a little while.
"Baby you have to go to school. It's your first day, and I know that you'll have a lot more fun this year with Jake around," I persuaded. She nodded and let go.
"If you really want me to go, I'll go I guess, but I'm calling every day! And you better pick up!" She responded.
"That's great sweetie, of course I will. I see that Pawmi is sticking by you. Did you catch him?"
"Yeah I did. I know it's what you would want. He's a tough boy, and we're gonna become so strong together!"
"Paw! Paw mi!" He excitedly responded.
"That's great hon. Now it's best for you to go. I'm sure you'd rather not camp out and miss your first day of school right?"
"Yeah, you're right," She responded. We hugged each other tight as we knew that this may be one of the last times we will spend time together. "Goodbye Nemona. I love you. I'm so proud of how far you've come."
"Thanks Luna. So much. You're the mother I never had. You're the reason I've gotten so far. I will live on for you, for Pawmi, and for myself," She responded. I began to choke up at her words.
"Well, *sniff*, that's goodbye *sniff*," I choked out. "Goodbye to you too Pawmi. You better be a great pokemon to Nemona." I hugged Pawmi just as tight. This was goodbye to my two children. It was hard, but I knew that that is what life forces upon people.
"Yes, this is goodbye." She looked downcast as she said so. Pawmi did the same, slightly picking up on what's going on.
"Jake you ready to go?" I asked.
"Yeah I'm coming down. Thanks so much for having us, and I promise to always be there for Pawmi and Nemona. You don't have to worry," He promised. I nodded while thanking him. I gave him a hug as well, and he hugged back.
"Well scoot. You three have me up way past my bedtime!" They laughed and left the house while waving at me. I waved back as they closed the door and went off on their journey.
"I love you all," I whispered as they left. I went over to my bed for a much needed rest and looked out the window. The stars were shining brighter than they ever have. I knew that they would go on to better things, and that I would need no worries. I went to bed for my much needed rest.
Nemona and Pawmi looked back and smiled as they were walking out of the house even after the door closed. I knew they would be alright, and I would never leave their side. I felt horrible for what they were going through. I don't know what I would do if the only person who cared for me, my mother, was on the verge of dying as well. They deserve so much happiness and care for going through this and still staying strong. I would help them on their grief journey.
There would be no worries!