The Fight Before Christmas Another christmas episode of multiple short stories. With a violent Bart plotting to kill Santa, Inglorious Basterds Marge, Martha Stewart and Muppet Simpsons!
Plot
The Titles are christmas themed! Carol of the Bells plays as we pan over christmassy Springfield. There is snow everywhere.
The Nuclear Power Plant chimneys are painted like candy canes!
"Bah humbug!" said Mr Burns not in the christmas spirit.
The Springfield Hollywood letters are now glowing red and green. The red letters read PIGIL.
Lard Lad is holding a Christmas wreath. He gawks at it confused.
Then there are giant cranes building a giant fire place over the tire fire.
"Oh great... That will summon Santa-Zilla..." said Oscar.
Bart wearing winter clothes face palmed.
We head over to the Simpson house...
...
Marge is decorating the roof. "Oooooh this is heavy..." She is carrying a light up Santa that is heavy.
A bat flies out of the chimney and startles her. "Aah!"
"Wrong holiday! Stupid!" She yells at the bat.
The bat flitters off to the vampire town that was in Treehouse of Horror XXI. It turns into Bat Boy the ugly vampire.
"Mrs Simpson called me stupid!" He whined.
"That's it! Those Simpsons have gone too far!" said Bat Boy's father. Who is also a vampire, duh!
Count von Count is counting his Christmas stockings. "One stocking! Ah ah ah! Two stockings! Ah ah ah!"
Back on the Simpsons roof. Marge is putting Santa in place. "Ho ho ho!"
However he slips from her grasp and falls and crashes on the icy drive below. He malfunctions and chuckles faster. "Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Hohohoho!"
Marge sighed annoyed. " I could use some help!" She yelled.
Inside Homer is lying on the couch watching something.
"Honey I'd love to but I am watching an Important bowling game!" said Homer.
He is watching American football.
"And that last touchdown makes it 67 to 13." said a commentator.
Maggie blocks the way.
"Maggie..." Homer groaned.
Maggie wants to watch A Muppet Christmas Carol. Matt changes it to Fluppet despite that he is allowed to reference things...
"No I am not!" said Matt.
"Yes you are..." said Oscar.
"No Maggie! I don't wanna watch Kermit as Bob Cratchet again..." said Homer.
Eric crawled over holding a Cat in the Hat DVD.
"Eggs!" said the Cat in the Hat.
"No sport! I don't want to watch cartoons with irritating choirs! And Lord please don't let him be played by Mike Myers!" Homer rhymed.
"Goo?" Eric gurgled.
...
Marge comes in and pulls off her icy gloves. She is startled by Lisa wrapping Crime scene tape around the Christmas tree.
"Lisa, what are you doing?" Marge gasped.
"Marking a crime scene." said Lisa annoyed.
"Coooool! Did someone get murdered?" Oscar asked.
Lisa grimaced irked. "No Oz..."
"To celebrate an ancient pagan ritual, this tree was cut down and tarted up like a dime-a-dance floozy." said Lisa holding a Fir is murder sign. as in fir trees...
"Oh..." said Marge.
"Ugh... Here we go again..." Bart groaned sat in the green armchair.
Marge sighed softly at Lisa.
"I'll handle this..." said Oscar. "Lis, you're a Buddhist. What do you care that this tree is Pagan and not Christian?"
"Well I err... Shut up!" Lisa stormed off to her room.
Oscar smirked.
Marge smiled and removed the police crime scene tape.
"Next you'll have a problem with my gingerbread house." said Homer. There was an elaborate gingerbread mansion. The roof opens and unfolds to reveal a tennis court.
"You mean your gingerbread McMansion." Lisa yelled annoyed over her green liberal love of plants and Oscar outsmarting her over her fallacy.
"Hey, show some respect. Three gingerbread workmen died making that." Homer yelled. He ate a gingerbread man.
Oscar gasped.
"I'm sorry, but this leg's gonna have to go." He ate the gingerbread man's leg. "You're gonna be okay." And the rest of him... "It's almost over."
"Now to take care of the witnesses." He is about to eat more of the gingerbread men...
"Hey, I need those cookies for Santa." Bart snatched the plate.
"Haaaaauuuw! Santy!" Oscar squealed. He loves christmas!
"At least someone around here's got the Christmas spirit." Marge smiled.
"Yep. Come midnight, I'll be sitting here with cold cookies, warm milk, and hot lead in his belly..." Bart was polishing a double barrelled shotgun...
Oscar gasped.
"What...?" Marge gasped.
"For the last three years, I've asked that rosy-cheeked nog-hog for a dirt bike, and all he brought me was a zillion lame-o toys that I immediately broke and threw in this bag." said Bart. The cat was in the bag too.
Snowball II screeched trying to get out.
"But you wanted those toys." said Marge.
"I wanted them till I got them. But this year, I'm gettin' my dirt bike." said Bart polishing his shotgun.
"Bart... Wait that's besides the point! Where the heck did you get a shotgun from?!" Marge yelled.
"Bart has a gun now, and he is a bloodthirsty maniac!" said Matt writing scripts.
"That's just stupid..." said Hugo.
Marge was disappointed this christmas. Homer was being lazy, Lisa was on her high horse again and Bart was a violent maniac now.
"No you can't kill Santy!" Oscar cried and sobbed tearfully.
Bart groaned mortified. He was pumping his shotgun. Clack!
"Even Mac Davis himself couldn't save this Christmas." Marge sighed.
"Even McDonalds couldn't save this Christmas..." said Oscar craving burgers.
Hugo face palmed at Oscar's remark.
"Great, Mom. Now I lost track of my pump count. One pump, two pump..." said Bart pumping his shotgun.
Marge grumbled frustrated.
...
Night time. Everyone was asleep.
Marge was annoyed no one in the family had holiday spirit this year. She tossed and turned mumbling.
Oscar was horrified Bart was now a gun loving maniac.
"No! Must be dreaming there is a gun toting Bart that I always wanted!" Oscar tossed and turned in bed.
The lounge Bart is asleep awaiting Santa.
"Bowl full of jelly, pump lead in his belly..." Bart said in his sleep.
A clock chimes.
Light shines through the gap in the curtains like a knife slicing through them.
A train whistles.
"What?" Bart awoke with a start.
He runs outside. There is a train... Cough Polar Express film cough...
"All aboard the Polar Express!" Otto Mann is driving it.
"Direct service to the North Pole, with stops at Candy Cane Corners, Sugarplum Square, Jack Frost Junction, Fa-La-La-La Lane, Nutcracker Street, and Hanukkah Heights." said Otto listing its stops.
"Some "express."" Bart said disappointed.
Also He once stated in his guide to life that Fa-La-La-La Lane is the gayest place ever...
Also there was a CGI Tom Hanks!
"Hi, I'm CGI Tom Hanks." said a CGI Tom Hanks as the conductor.
Bart screamed in fear and shot him with his shotgun.
Bart then rides the train to the North Pole, Lapland.
The train was flying through the air.
"We're flying!" Bart gasped.
Peter Pan flies past the window of the engine room..
"Yep, she'll fly, all right. You just got to keep her happy." said Otto. He fed the train engine cannabis leaves... It got high...
OMG train kaleidoscope!
Bart winced as the train was high...
Psychedelic music plays.
At home Cousin Hank seethed.
"Damn it, he got this one back online!" He seethed and punched his pillow annoyed.
...
Lapland station. Bart got off the train.
Moe as a goblin was nearby.
"Excuse me, Mr. Goblin?" Bart asked.
"Elf! I'm an elf!" Moe growled annoyed.
"Whatever you say." said Bart. "Um, look, how do I get to Santa?"
"Oh, no. Only the top elves get to meet Santa." said Elf Moe. "You start in the wrapping room."
There was a rickety, old elevator. "That'll take you right down." said Moe.
There were clockwork soldiers on crutches and a snowman offering broken table lamps to the Dad's presents box...
Oscar laughed.
Bart sighed. "Why are you here?"
"To stop you killing Santy..." said Oscar being cute...
Bart sighed.
He saw a colourful, fun slide and tried to go on it.
Bart laughed heading for the slide...
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doin'? That leads to the daycare center. You take the freight elevator." said Moe.
Bart took the boring elevator...
Lewis and Jaffee were Christmas elves wearing overalls.
The three of them look about awkwardly.
Back at the platform Oscar is gawking at the fourth wall. He shoves a block of cheese into it.
"Kid, the camera can't eat cheese..." Elf Moe sighed.
The freight elevator popped up again, empty after Bart, Jaffee and Lewis left.
"Now make yourself useful and go down to the toy workshop." said Elf Moe.
"And no running! Elf and safety is important!" said Elf Moe.
Oscar laughed. "Elf and safety..."
Moe sighed as Oscar took the freight elevator down to the toy workshop.
A Garlon, elf-eating lizard men, hissed while holding a pickaxe.
"Ho boy..." said Moe.
...
The workshop. Bart wearing his green Pyjamas still looked about the near empty workshop. There were only two elves. an Elf Wendell and an Elf Nelson.
"Isn't this the busy season? Where is everybody?" Bart asked.
"Laid off. After NAFTA, a lot of these jobs went to the South Pole." said Nelson.
"The holiday cheer makes me nauseous..." said Elf Wendell about to puke.
"Well, who needs wrapping paper, anyway? Just stick a bow on the toy and you're ready to go. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bing, bang, boom!" said Bart putting bows on the toys.
"Ooh. You are clearly too smart to be down here with these dingle-bells." said Elf Moe.
"Dingle bell! Dingle bell! Dingle bell rock!" Oscar sang enthusiastically.
Bart face palmed.
"I'm promotin' you to Toy inspector." said Elf Moe.
"Uh, the rest of youse, you're laid off. Scram." He laud off the elves.
"I can't lose my health insurance. My lungs are full of candy cane dust!" said Nelson. He coughed up red and white dust.
"Hey, you twos can go work for the Easter Bunny. Oh that's right. He ain't real." said Elf Moe.
"Yeah sure he's not..." Oscar snarked in disbelief at a holiday character saying another holiday character wasn't real.
The train platform. Mikey from Deck the halls took a ride on the colourful slide down to the daycare.
"Wheeeeeeeeee!" he cheered.
Oh and he still wears diapers...
Cousin Hank seethed.
Mikey saw a big pile of toys and waddled joyfully towards them. His diaper crinkling as he headed fir the toys.
"Whoa there Mikey..." said Santa scooping up the diaper clad infant. Mikey wriggled about annoyed as he wanted to play with the toys.
Santa checks the toys as the elves work while also holding Mikey in his arms.
"Blue?! No no no... I think this toy robot should be red." said Santa.
Elf Milhouse sighed.
Plot 2
The train platform. Boney M were singing Mary's Boy Child.
A piano fell on them.
Bart is in the workshop checking the toys. He finds a one eyed teddy bear that someone forgot to give two glass eyes to. He labels it as a pirate teddy bear.
"Arrrrrr!" said Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature who was wearing an eyepatch and a pirate hat.
Bart sighed.
"Kid, you got a lot of shoddy, money-saving ideas. Like a major airline, but you were here on time, and you don't drag chinese doctors out of their seats on the plane!" said Elf Moe. Hehehehe! Feel that burn United Airlines...
"Come with me." Elf Moe promotes Bart again.
Hark The Herald Angels Sing plays as we cut to an office corridor.
Schroeder from Peanuts was playing a piano.
Oscar laughed. Bart rolled his eyes and continued on his mission to threaten Santa to give him a dirt bike.
Wendell and a blond kid with a buck tooth were painting Bart Simpson Vice President on his new office door.
Bart held a long christmas present in green wrapping paper. It's his shotgun, he's doing a Terminator II reference...
"So you're the brown-nosed reindeer that's jingled all the way to the top." said Lisa as an elf.
"Jingle bell! Jingle bell! Jingle Bell-Mmmmmph!" Oscar sang but Bart hand gagged him and frowned.
"Oh geez... you're in my dream too?!" Bart sighed.
"Yes, now stick to the script..." said Elf Lisa.
"Just point me to Santa." said Bart walking about.
"Oh, I know what you're after. The toy you never got." said Elf Lisa.
"You're out of your elfin mind." said Bart.
Oscar laughed. "Gahahahaha! Elfin..."
Bart smirked.
"Oh, really?" said Elf Lisa.
"Ya Rly..." Oscar smirked holding up a picture of an owl.
Bart face palmed.
"Well, let me ask you this. How many kids bring a gun to meet Santa?" Lisa opens his present. The shotgun is hidden inside.
"Okay. You got me. And I'm gettin' my dirt bike. And you can't stop me." said Bart.
"Security!" Lisa yelled.
Snowmen wearing cop hats and holding nightsticks arrived from behind a secret panel door in the wall. They growled.
Oscar screamed in fear.
Bart face palmed.
...
A fade to black for commercials later...
The snowmen cops pursue Bart and Oscar.
Bart yawns bored and turns up a thermostat. The snowmen guards or cops melt, leaving behind puddles of water, pieces of coal and carrots.
Lisa sighed as Bart takes a bite of a carrot that was once a snowman's nose.
Bart continues towards Santa's office.
A yeti is mopping the floor nearby...
Oscar laughed. "A yeti..."
Bart sighed.
He kicks open the door to Santa's office and points a gun at Santa.
"No disrespect, fat man, but you'd better crap out a dirt bike." said Bart menacingly.
"I'll crap my diaper!" Oscar yelled grunting as he tried to poop.
Bart face palmed.
"Close the door, boy. I can't afford to heat the whole North Pole!" said Santa who was portrayed by Krusty for some reason...
"Listen here, Kringle. I may have been naughty this year. But by today's standards, naughty's nothing." said Bart.
Krusty as Santa smokes a cigar.
"I didn't get anybody pregnant." said Bart.
"Yes you did! Me!" said Darcy from Bart's second time driving a car.
Bart face palmed.
"I didn't Facebook a kid to death." said Bart.
"I did!" said Oscar grinning.
Bart looked at him freaked out and nervous.
"That is just so wrong!" said Bart.
"Make with my dirt bike!" Bart yelled at Santa.
"Kid, this company's bust. For years I've been giving out free toys and getting cookies in return. It's not a sustainable business model." said Krusty.
"Oh, come on, man. Things aren't that bad." said Bart.
"They're pretty bad. I'm eating my own reindeer here!" said Krusty as Santa. He is literally eating a reindeer.
"HOLY CRUD, HE IS EATING RUDOLPH!" Oscar yelled.
Bart shoots Oscar dead.
"I am invincible, jerk." Oscar sprung back to life.
Bart sighed annoyed.
...
Bart is pointing his shotgun at Santa.
"Okay I really didn't want to interfere but..." Oscar knocks Bart out with a frying pan. "No one, and I mean no one! Hurts Santy when I'm around!"
"Uh thanks kid..." said Krusty as Santa.
We cut to North Pole jail. Bart is in a cell behind bars. More snowmen are guarding him.
Santa visits him.
"Oh... You win." Bart groaned.
(chuckling) Santa chuckles. "That's a good boy. You go home now, and maybe there'll be a nice pair of work socks under your tree." said Krusty as Santa.
"You don't have to do that. I have socks. I'll give you socks!" said Bart.
"No! I'll lose my immortality and die!" said Santa.
Bart winced.
"It's like with House Elves from Harry Potter. They are set free by new clothes as a gift, I die." said Santa.
"Okay..." said Bart.
"Now you better head home, your parents must be worried." said Krusty.
"Are we in a timezone ahead a few hours of East Coast America or behind?" Oscar asked.
"Ahead." said Santa.
Bart sighed relieved. It is still night back home.
Bart goes home.
Krusty heads back to his office. Be pulls a secret lever. There is a chamber full of money and jewels. He also has hookers in sexy Christmas outfits...
"Hehehehe! Kids... dumb as potatoes..."
Bart rides the flying train high on weed home.
"Pull over!" Wiggum id heard and there are flashing blue sirens. Otto is in big trouble...
"Hey kid, you ever wanted a train for Christmas? This one's yours." Otto jumps out the flying train.
Bart screamed trying to steer the train.
Bart woke with a start.
"Okay... since when would I carry a gun?!" He asked in disbelief.
...
The lounge. Lisa is complaining about the tree again.
"Why can't they leave a poor tree in the woods where it belongs?" said Lisa.
The family seethe annoyed at her.
"I read somewhere that Christmas trees like being chopped down and decorated..." said Bart.
Lisa frowned at him.
Oscar was pouring goat blood on the tree.
"Oscar stop that! Why are you..." Marge told him off.
"I am preparing this Pagan tree for the god Baal!" said Oscar dressed as Mola Ram.
Marge grimaced concerned.
Lisa was also freaked out by him.
We cut to Lisa's room as we begin her story.
She goes to sleep listening to Bing Crosby singing Hush-a-Bye and whilst reading Disney's Dumbo...
Springfield 1941.
Bing has finished singing I'll be home for christmas.
"Hey, hey, that song goes out to all the G.I.s overseas and the folks missing 'em here at home." said the radio host. "Brought to you by Chesterton cigarettes."
"Chesterton- they feel like me, singing in your throat." said Bing.
Bart coughed as he smoked a cigarette. They didn't have minimum smoking age laws then to stop kids smoking...
"Can it really be Christmas when one of our parents is facing the German army?" Lisa groaned.
"We only joined the war to help Oscar's people because Japan attacked our Pearl Harbour." said Homer.
"Dad why did you not enrol..." Hugo sighed.
"Because the army said I was too dumb and I can't fit in the tanks..." said Homer.
Oscar laughed.
"Why did Mom enrol?!" Bart asked.
"Why not?! A woman can fight for her country if she wants!" Lisa yelled.
Bart flinched because of her yelling in his face.
We cut to battle field in um Flanders. Stupid Flanders...
"Which is a real place in Belgium." said Lisa narrating.
"Simpson put on your helmet!" A commanding officer said to Marge. Her blue beehive is showing.
"I'm trying. It just keeps popping off." said Marge trying to force her hair into the helmet. The green helmet sprung into the air and landed in a German trench.
"Ach du lieber!" The Germans yelled.
...
Marge watches the violence scene of war, that strangely plays out like the gory opening scene of Saving Private Ryan.
Marge was horrified.
"You can make it through this, Marge. Just think of Homer." said Marge to herself.
At a munitions factory. Where bombs are made.
"Hey, Simpson. How come you ain't in combat like a real man?" Agnes Skinner laughed.
"I'm too fat to fit in a foxhole." said Homer dressed as a woman.
The ladies laugh at him.
At home. Grampa is looking after the kids.
"This war is terrible! It's tearing the town apart! Look! Oscar is beating up Üter!" Lisa whined to Bart.
Oscar had Üter pinned and was punching him. "Stop killing my people! Asshole!" Oscar yelled.
Bart winced.
After work Homer arrives with something.
"Kids, remember when I promised to feed us from that victory garden?" Ie They thought the war would be over by now.
"Well, instead, I grew this tree." He has a Christmas tree.
"Don't you dare bring that thing in here." Lisa yelled.
"What? You don't want a Christmas tree? That's crazy. Next you won't want a Christmas ham." said Homer.
"Don't worry about that. I love meat and I always will." said Lisa, she ate some ham... "Mm-mm! That is some sweet pig meat."
"Ay Chihuahua! Lisa ate meat!" Oscar screamed.
The present ie the 21st century...
Lisa awoke gasping and sweating as if she had had a nightmare.
"Oh Lord Buddha! I ate meat in my dream?! Yuck!" Lisa yelled.
Marge was having a cup of coffee from her smiley mug.
Bart and Lisa ran in.
"Can't you two just be festive and feel the holly jolly Christmas spirit?!" Marge scolded them as uh in between their story dreams Bart is being a brat and Lisa is whining about the tree.
"Yeah but on a more important subject!" said Lisa. "Matt keeps writing us out of character!"
"I was a gun toting maniac!" Bart gasped.
"I ate meat! Bleh!" Lisa was disgusted her World War II dream self ate meat.
"Matt stop that! The fans won't swallow this tripe of characters being out of character!" said Marge to Matt.
The creator Matt sighed and sulked.
...
Back to Springfield, 1941.
Lisa was eating a carrot.
"Didn't you strangely start liking meat again?" Homer asked.
"No... because that would be out of character and therefore sloppy writing..." said Lisa.
"Anyway why do not want a tree?!" Homer asked holding a Christmas tree.
"Well it all happened last year..." said Lisa.
Marge finds a tree resembling Homer.
"I like this tree, it reminds me of your father, Wide in the middle and sticky on top." She said to Lisa.
The tree said "Mmmmmmm..." Like Homer.
Patty and Selma arrive wearing green MP helmets.
"They're members of parliament!" Oscar yelled.
"No! No! No! The MP stands for Military Personnel..." said Lisa.
Patty and Selma tell Marge she is being shipped out tonight. To fight in the war.
"Marge evil doesn't stop for the holidays..." said Patty.
"Hitler doesn't stop for Christmas?!" Marge asked.
"Uh.. no..." said Patty.
Plot 3
Then the writers ran out of ideas and turned the story into an Inglorious Basterds reference...
World War II Lisa winced.
We cut to a forest in Nazi Germany, Krusty, his father Rabbi Krustofski, Jurkle, Hoju the homosexual Jew and many other Jews in army gear decide to fight back against Hitler.
Jurkle paints camouflage on his face.
The cinema/Movie theatre.
The Nazis are watching an odd Disney film with an evil Dumbo. yes evil Dumbo!
The film is about evil Dumbo clones with swastika's bombing London and strangling Winston Churchill.
Evil Dumbo steals popcorn from Göring.
Marge starts a fire behind the screen.
The fire reveals her silhouette. She has a machine gun.
Hitler gasped.
"This is the face of Jewish vengeance!" said Marge. She guns down the Nazis.
"Auf Wiedersehn..." Marge blew up the theatre afterwards.
"Okay why is that violent film part of my story..." Lisa sighed.
"Because the good guys win and kick Nazi ass!" said Oscar.
Lisa sighed.
"We did win but it was a tough and miserable war. And the Jews unfortunately didn't get to enact their vengeance..." said Lisa.
In America.
Ralph is dressed in Christmas lights with a candy cane up his nose.
Oscar laughed.
"I pooped my tights!" said Ralph.
"Eeeeeeew!" said Lisa.
Oscar laughed.
At dinner.
"Well the war is still going on but unlike at home you Yanks don't have to ration." said Oscar eating the hearty meal.
In Britain. Henry/Harry Backwith from Bart at the Bat has a sparse, not very satisfying meal of a few vegetables. The British had to ration.
Henry/Harry sighed feeling very hungry and sad.
...
World War II era Homer then took the kids to the circus to take their minds off the war and Mom.
"I always thought in his box Clownja is just a head on long legs..." said Bart as Oscar brought Clownja with him.
"Long supple legs!" said Titans Uka Uka.
Oscar winced.
"And that would be weird Bart..." said Oscar.
Homer stared at the clowns.
"Clowns are funny..." he said in a creepy manner.
Oscar screamed.
"Dad stop frightening him..." Lisa sighed.
Homer sighed.
A short purple haired clown with a big round red shiny nose smooshed a cream pie into Cousin Hank's face.
Oscar laughed.
"I hate you..." Hank seethed.
"Feelings mutual jerk..." said Oscar watching the clowns perform.
Later a lion tamer performed.
He got mauled by the lion.
(Man screaming)
Oscar laughed.
"Oz how is that funny...?" World War II Bart sighed.
Oscar shrugged.
"They shouldn't make animals perform. It's not nice..." said Lisa.
Bart sighed annoyed by her animal welfare lamentations.
Homer eats popcorn.
"Do not eat the Clownja eggs!" Oscar rasped.
Bart face palmed.
Then there were some elephants. And Nazi Dumbo!
"Aaaaagh! Nazi Dumbo!" Oscar yelled.
Lisa winced.
...
Lisa decides to go to the Christmas Tree yard where Mom was told she was being shipped out to the war.
"This is where they took Mom from me." said Lisa.
"Yeah yeah, I am counting my pimps... One pimp two pimps..." said Oscar. He had Harlem pimps with him.
Lisa winced at him.
"Can we hurry this up? I have to go beat my hos!" said a pimp.
Suddenly a shadowy figure arrived.
Oscar and Lisa screamed.
"I've been waiting for you." said the figure in a creepy voice.
Oscar and Lisa trembled.
"Your mom paid for this tree last year, but never took it." said Raphael holding a Christmas Tree.
"I've watered it, kept it fresh, and every time I look at this blue spruce, it reminds me of your good old mom." The tree resembled Marge.
"Hrrrrrrrmmmmmm..." It made her annoyed grumble.
Oscar winced exasperated.
"We got a tree that resembled Dad last year..." said Lisa.
"Here, let me trim it for you." Raphael trimmed the tree.
"And decorate it a little." He put tinsel, lights and baubles on it.
"It's a sign. Mom's okay." said Lisa.
"Okay, what is this a sign of?" Oscar pulled up his sweater. Underneath he is wearing a white shirt with a smeared and distorted picture of Marge.
"Hhhhhrrrrrrmmmmm..." Marge sighed.
"Aaaaaaaaaaagh! It's a sign!" Homer screamed.
Lisa winced.
Oscar grinned.
The present. Lisa woke up .
"This is the last time I bring these two to bed at the same time." Lisa grimaced freaked out by her dream and noticing it was caused by her taking a Dumbo book and an Inglorious Basterds DVD to bed.
"When I see an elephant flyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Oscar sang in the hallway.
Lisa sighed.
...
Marge is in bed writing to someone the same night Bart went to kill Santa and Lisa dreamt of Workd War II, to help get her family in the Christmas spirit.
"I've always believed in you even when others didn't." she narrated her letter in her head.
Homer was snoring.
"Can you help save our family Christmas?
Marge Simpson." She finished the letter.
"Yiu're my only hope."
"Help me, Obi Wan, you're my only hope." said Princess Leia as a hologram.
Marge winced.
A gust of wind took her letter.
"Hey!"
A pilot crashed into the mountains and screamed as his craft collided with the mountains.
Marge's letter arrived in Martha Stewart's house. Martha Stewart read the letter.
"Marge Simpson, I'm on my way." said Martha Stewart. She knits a pink woolen jetpack and flies off to see tge Simpsons. Yes it is very, very silly...
"Wake up, Marge. Magical memories don't make themselves." Marttha somehow got in the house abd wakes up Marge.
"Martha Stewart! How did you get in here?" Marge gasped.
"A picket fence stood on its end makes a sturdy and attractive ladder." said Martha Stewart.
She used a picket fence as a ladder...
"Now let's make that bed." said Martha Stewart.
She not only made the bed for the day, she customised the bed by nailing pine lumber from a tree outside to it to convert it into a four poster bed.
"A smattering of pinecones." She poured pinecones on the bed. Oscar chuckled as he took one. "And with a little bit of work, this wedding dress can make a great dust ruffle." Martha cuts up Marge's wedding dress to add ruffles to the bed.
"B-But I was gonna- oh... Ooh!" Marge agrees tge bed does look lovely.
Outside the master bedroom. Oscar force feeds Peter Griffin a pinecone again.
"Eat it!"
"No!" Peter cries.
"Eat it! It would amuse me!" Oscar yelled.
Peter tearfully chewed the pinecone. The shards cut his mouth causing him to bleed.
...
Marge and Martha are walking abiut the hall and talking about christmas cookie recipes.
"I use cinammon." said Martha.
Suddenly they have the misfortune of bumping into Mona Simpson, who uh often stays with the Simpsons post season 19.
"Let her die!" Counsin Hank screamed in a tantrum.
No I'm the more respectful fan, jerk.
Martha glared at Mona.
"Well this awkward." said Mona sheepishly.
"You two know each other?" Marge asked.
"Mona stop impersonating me!" Martha Stewart said sharply.
"I'm sorry, I ran out of pseudonyms to use to hide from the authorities Mr Burns called upon me! How was I supposed to know there was a real Martha Stewart?!" said Mona.
Bart's room.
"I hate him! Hate him! Hate him!" Cousin Hank seethed.
"Oscar, the kid who I have been friends with for 22 years and neither of us have aged a year?" Bart asked.
Hank seethed.
"Leave him alone Hank, sure he bugs me but your a bully..." Bart frowned.
"Stop justifying his freaky diaper content!" Hank yelled.
Bart did a "You're crazy" gesture with his finger making a circle near his temple.
Hank seethed and stormed off. "Some Christmas this turned out to be!"
Bart frowned at Hank.
"I was hoping that freak would have scarpered off back to Blighty..." Hank seethed.
"Why are you such a jerk?!" Bart yelled at Hank.
Downstairs Martha decorates the house for Christmas.
"If you've ran out of tinsel or are allergic to it, string some popcorn on along some yarn and hang that up!" said Martha Stewart.
"No! Not the Clownja eggs!" Oscar whined.
"Oz stop referencing Killer Klowns from Outer Space!" Bart yelled.
Oscar smirked.
Martha was studying the bay windows thinking of how to decorate them.
...
Martha uses Maggie's starfish shaped hair as a stencil to spray paint snowflake shapes on the window.
Maggie now has white hair. She sucked her pacifier.
"So this stuff will just shampoo out, huh?" Marge asked.
"Why would you want to shampoo it out?" Martha asked.
Oscar laughed at Maggie. "Marge, Maggie is telling you to let it go... Let it goooooooo! Can't hold it back anymooooooore!" Oscar sang Let it go from Frozen.
Bart face palmed.
Marge sighed.
"Well the windows do look lovely now." said Marge.
Mac Davis arrived.
"Mac Davis?!" Marge asked.
"Marge why did you write to me?! I don't sing anything christmassy! I sang In the Ghetto and I hardly think that song is appropriate for Christmas!" said Mac Davis.
"McDonalds would have been more appropriate..." said Oscar.
Bart face palmed.
Later Milhouse came over and had a snowball fight with Bart.
Bart and Milhouse ran in laughing.
"Me and Milhouse had a snowball fight, then an ice-ball fight, then a fight-fight." said Bart. They started just plain scuffling.
"Uh the proper grammatical version of your dialogue should have been... "Milhouse and I..." Ugh..." Hugo groaned at Bart's terrible grammar.
Bart rolled his eyes.
"You boys want to play soldier?" Martha Stewart asked them.
"I can't think of a better way to spend Jesus's birthday." said Bart.
"I'm not sure I like where this is going." Milhouse groaned.
"Well, I'm not sure anyone asked your opinion." Bart snapped.
Martha Stewart paints buckets black with black spray paint and puts them on Bart and Milhouse's heads. She then wraps them up in red sticky tape and tapes pokers and cinder shovels from the fireplace in their hands as bayonet rifles. They resemble Nutcracker soldiers.
"Now march outside..." said Martha Stewart.
They stumble outside grunting.
Plot 4