Logistically, it just didn't make much sense.
Dying, That is. I don't know, maybe I just expected more from the afterlife you know? Heaven, hell, maybe even whatever Scientologists believe in, certainly not a table, a chair and some paperwork.
No That sounded more like I was on a job interview, which I am too dead to give a shit for.
"So, heard you're just the guy," I jumped, Turning around in neck breaking speed to see an old yet obviously jovial gentleman, and I say gentleman because of the chic way he is dressed.
"Where am l? ... Is This purgatory?" I asked as the man laughed.
"Of course not, we are more lottery than anything really, young man," The older gentleman said as he walked towards the table and I, not wanting to look rude, sat down with him.
"What exactly are we doing here then?" I asked him.
"We select people and give them a second chance, to say the least. We count Things like Karma, deeds, achievements, then we use some accounting here and there to find how much points you will have obtained for your next life," The Gentleman that I still don't know the name of, told me as I simply sighed. I probably no points at all, I wasn't really an overachiever, or even an achiever of any sorts to be honest.
"I must say, " He said as he looked over the file with my name.
"You're probably the first person with so little points chosen by this intiative. You know," He said alter he gave a look over it.
"Does this mean I get nothing?" I decided to ask since There wasn't much to do in This paradoxical plane of existence.
"Just limits your choices of reincarnation by a whole lot actually. You get used to mediocrity," He then said as I nodded, if that meant I still had another chance, then it might not be that bad.
"What are these options then?" I asked as he showed me a few.
"Personally, I recommend the Total Drama incarnation, since no one else ever does," He said as I raised an eyebrow.
"We're both Talking about the Canadian cartoon That's a parody of show like survivor, right?" My answer was a nod.
"With the Karma that you have, this is one of the better possibilities," He told me, a bit more seriously now.
"Well, if I can choose who I reincarnate as, this might not be as bad," I told myself as he shook his head.
"Unfortunately for you, your choices are actually very limited, with your choices being between Owen, Sam, Dave and Cody," He said as I felt like deflating.
Owen, while jovial and nice guy, was fat, and the difference between the first part and the rest of the sentence, is that jovial and being nice are all personality quirks, nothing to do with his appearance.
Sam was another case, but he also had the issue that he kinda looked like Seth Rogen, but at least he got a girlfriend.
Dave was a goofy ass dude who went from simp to one of those 'nice guys' and then he got left for dead to that bear.
And then there's Cody, who's one of the ultimate simps within the show and he has that huge stupid looking head. Can't forget about the crazy obsessive yandere chick he has going for him, now that's fucked.
"Can't I be like, Topher, or Justin, heck, I even accept Harold!" At least Harold is a parody of Napoleon...
"No can do, these would require more Karmic points than you could afford, however, if you could help me out by reincarnating as Cody in the middle of 'World Tour', I could help you out by giving you a System," Wait, that changes everything, since everyone knows there isn't one System that isn't absolutely busted as hell.
But then I would have to get through Sierra, and I don't know about that man. How likely it would be for me to be able to run away?
Yeah, I just need to get the hell out of the show, or maybe I win the money prize and straight up disappear from the face of the Earth, and hope that my system inevitably takes me to another world. Yes, that's what every system does after a certain level, they just allow us to move through the multiverse.
"Fuck it! Send me there!"
Since I was going to be Cody, and I had apparently no way of getting the hell out of the show, I decided to stack the odds on my favor, and bought an unholy amount of camping gear while re-reading the fine letter of the contract that Cody, or well, now me, have signed.
I was allowed to bring in gear, they probably left that since they believed no one would bring actually anything, or even read said contract. Not me though, I want to make sure that I can go even further than Cody did in any of his seasons. Hopefully without Sierra ever gunning for my ass.
So let's get down with the list.
Eye Shades so that I can avoid seeing Owen sleepwalking naked? Check.
Binoculars so that I can see ahead of everyone else and avoid something like bears? Check.
Hiking boots to protect my feet? Check
Straw Hat to protect my face from the sun? Check.
Ear plugs in case I have to listen Harold snoring or anything else? Check, I even brought extras.
Table Tennis Set for my bored ass? Check.
Multi-Function Shovel in case I have to hit something repeatedly? Check.
Flashlight to see in the dark? Check
Fire Starter, scissors, tweezers, spork, grappling hook, gloves, headlamp, a lot of first aid stuff including repellants to insects and bears…
A leather journal so that I don't go crazy here. Pocket watch and compass so that I don't get lost. Pen with flashlight and glass breaker in it as well. 64oz water bottle with cleaning equipment… Throwing spikes, a mallet in case I have to slam down something, a laptop and my keyboard, which apparently Cody had brought to the show but never used it.
Okay, maybe buying those 'Survival Bundles' off the internet brought me more than I had expected, but hey, it all got here before the show, so who cared anyways? Now the issue was lifting all of this up.
I looked at my reflection, and honestly, the only good thing I can say about myself is the fact that my head isn't ball shaped, like in the cartoon, thank God.
"Where the hell is the system though… or my parents?" I knew that Cody's relationship with his parents was something else when he mentioned in World Tour that his parents forgot his birthday and he himself had forgotten about it, which meant it's not the first time they forgot, but the fact that it has been almost two weeks and I haven't actually seen any of them makes me wonder if they're like parents in anime where they just straight up don't exist.
And the System I was promised has yet to appear, I'm not sure if it's only activating itself when I get in the island or what, but I'm getting annoyed that my 'cheat' has yet to show itself. Makes me wonder if I just got duped by that Afterlife guy.
I checked my phone, it was time to go, to the goofy island of Wawanakwa. That said, I simply got out and there it was, my driver, I can understand why people did get duped until much later, given that there were particular drivers with fancy limos and later on we would get the yacht.
"Mind helping me with the baggage?" I asked the driver, who raised an eyebrow, yet still helped me, I wondered if that was an intern or if the travel was outsourced to a more reputable group. Likely the latter since the driver was an older gentleman and certainly not a barely adult who looks like they might just drop dead.
So after he helped me and I almost slept on the car, I was quickly woken up to get 'thrown' into the yacht.
Huh. I wonder how I didn't manage to see anyone else from the show as I was boarding the yacht.
Soon enough I got to the docks of Wawanakwa, and I was helped once again, to take away my bags, which I had asked the nice man to put it in the island and not at the docks.
"Codester, Codemeister, what do you think of being the first person to reach Wawanakwa?" He asked with a smile, Chris on TDI had yet to become a psychopath, so that was good for me.
"Chris, pumped to be here… I'm the first one here?" Weird, but okay, that might be the explanation for why I wasn't able to talk with anyone before getting here.
"That's right dude, and by the bags, you brought some heavy gear," He mentioned as he looked as he raised his hand for a high five, which I gave before I also gave him an Ace Low, to which he was cool enough to 'get'.
"Well, I did read the contract, so I already knew what I was getting into," I told him as he raised his eyebrows.
"I must say, I wasn't expecting anyone to read it, nice going, now go off to the other side of the dock, we still have many more to introduce," I know a dismissal, so I just went to my lane, patiently waiting for the other contestants to appear.
It's strange, the fact that I was the first, canon was already different, now let's hope that the cast is still the same, given that it was Beth the next one to appear, I felt somewhat more confident about what I was doing.
"Hello!" Beth said as she shook my hand, talking my ear off as she was happy to see someone her age. I smiled and nodded because I really couldn't keep up with what she was saying.
Waiting for people was a bigger hassle than I had expected, with myself only interacting with Courtney, Geoff and Izzy, who I had helped get up alongside Courtney.
Elsewise I was just saying 'hello' to whoever came to talk with me, because I was trying to activate my damn system, which had yet to come up.
"Come on guys, all of you, get in the pier and say Wawanakwa!" Chris said as we all grouped up together, with me standing around Beth and Ezekiel, doing a peace sign right before we fell onto the water.
[Karmic System: Activated]
[Would you like take your beginner's package?]
Hell yeah, I would… What's in it?
[Will'o Wisp's Boxing]
[Now you have the skills required to box with the some of the greatest]
Hold on… are we talking about Willie Pep? I've seen some articles and some videos about him, but I didn't… hmm. Wow, I mean, dude's legit one of the best boxers of all times! Did I get something else?
[Human-Isu Hybrid]
[Like some of the fabled Assassins, you're now a Human-Isu hybrid, with all that it entails. PS: That does not make you instantly become a hunk.]
I mean, that's still all great stuff, besides, I was going to work out regardless if the system would make me buff or not. After all, I still need to look I'm making effort or I would be called not natty, which as funny as it would be, I'm natty and on gear, it's just that the gear doesn't affect me the same way steroids do.
"Come on campers, get yourself dry and meet me at the campfire." I quickly went through my bags to get my towel, and dried myself with it, it was one of those quick dry ones, you know?
It took some time, since for example Owen, was much bigger than us, so he would take a lot longer… especially because he can't really reach some areas as well as I do, horrifying really.
But Chris had told us our teams, the difference this time around being that Justin and I had replaced Tyler and Ezekiel, which kinda makes sense, but at the same time, it's a bit weird.
You see, in Total Drama Action, for whatever reason, Justin is just standing there when Eva gets eliminated, and when Katie is eliminated, Cody's standing there even though he never interacted with any of the bfffs. Some people theorized that Cody and Justin were supposed to be in Killer Bass, which makes me wonder what would their plotlines be in this scenario.
That said, I took an unholy time to unpack all of my stuff, to the point where the others like such as Harold and Geoff were simply looking over what I was taking out.
"Dude, you brought a ping-pong set? Dude, I can't believe I forgot to bring one myself," Geoff said as he was looking at it, I was thinking we could use one of the tables to play, if Cheff doesn't have a problem with it, of course.
"And an axe, nice," Harold commented as Duncan had just re-entered the room to see my pile of 'random' stuff become bigger and bigger.
"An axe? Mind if I use it?" He asked as I shrugged.
"As long as it's not on me, sure," I told him as I took out the throwing spikes from my bag as well.
"Gosh, you brought so much survival stuff, did you know that this was a reality tv show?" Harold commented as the others raised an eyebrow as I nodded. They weren't aware of it first because they got duped by McLean, but I was more than aware.
"I did read the contract, and it told me that I could bring stuff, so I did… apparently the only one to do that as well." I told him as Duncan shrugged.
"I brought a knife and a lighter, all things considered, we could've done a lot worse," Yeah, that's fair.
I took out the first aid kit to just hear a woman's shriek and damn, was it loud.
We all went to the girl's dorm, only to see a teeny tiny cockroach and Lindsay, screaming as if a serial killer had been going ham at her. I sighed because I forgot this did happen somehow, even though it's such a famous thing in fanfics.
"Huh," I said as I picked one of my throwing spikes right as Duncan entered the scene, launching himself towards the cockroach with the multitool axe. It was overkill, with the thing bisected and a goddamn knife lodged in it, as my dexterity had substantially increased from the Human-Isu physiology.
"Where did you even find an axe?" I heard Leshawna ask Duncan as I went to pick my spike.
"Babyface here brought the axe," …Babyface? Eh, fair enough, I do look like I'm too young to be here unfortunately, not on a shota level, but no one would say I had already hit puberty.
Not for long though, given how the system works, hopefully.
"It's a multitool, I could also make it a shovel, or a walking stick, or uh, a pickaxe, or even a hoe," I said as I heard Lindsay say 'hey' in indignation.
"I meant the gardening tool," I said as she tilted her head in confusion, sometimes I forget how dum-dum cartoon characters, Lindsay in particular, can be.
Then, we had to eat the weird grub that Chef did, maybe I'm just weird, but I ate it, look, when you're hungry, you eat anything, and I've been starving in both lifes… which is admittedly weird because Cody is a rich kid nowadays, but yeah, I'd eat anything on my plate.
"Now that everyone knows each other and all that jazz, meet me at the cliff, we have a new challenge to do," Chris said as I heard Dj and Katie talking to each other about what could the challenge be.
"It's the first challenge, it gotta be an easy one," DJ said confidently as I tried my best to hold my laughter in.
Shit's too funny and I don't wanna ruin his reaction when we get there.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Okay, now I laughed.