An exorcist, nekoshou, and a phoenix walked into a swimsuit shop. A perverted beast followed the three with a fallen angel and an excommunicated nun in tow. A bad joke should follow but the author is bad at jokes. Anyways-

Issei kept himself in between Koneko and Ravel while Xenovia tagged along, curious at the prospect of what Irina called "battle suits." Rossweisse wanted to go but had work while Griselda waved away the idea of going shopping for swimsuits with a man. Kalawarner and Raynare had their own swimsuits while Mittelt was sick with bird flu and therefore couldn't come.

Picking swimsuits for Koneko and Ravel was a rather easy task. Koneko already had a swimsuit in mind while Ravel asked Issei to pick out one for her. Koneko chose a black two-piece swimsuit that contrasted with her hair and skin while Ravel accepted Issei choosing a white one piece with purple highlights- although a bit miffed that Koneko had something more revealing.

Xenovia, Yuuma, and Asia were taking their time so Issei left a duplicate of himself with them while he and his two juniors went to get some food.

"How do you even choose swimsuits?" Xenovia asked Issei. She was browsing through the aisles of underwear for swimming. She didn't even understand what the difference was. When did underwear turn into a swimsuit and when did swimsuit become underwear?

While Xenovia was asking philosophical questions about swimsuits, Issei was wondering to himself why his two kouhais couldn't just get along. They were like a dog and a cat, but instead of a dog it was a bird. The scene in front of him was much like a regular cat fight- but with Senjutsu and Phoenix flames!

"Okay, okay, stop it you two," Issei sighed. Tentacles by the dozen emerged from his backside. They wrapped around Koneko and Ravel, pulling them apart.

"Are they doing a film?" "Those graphics are so realistic!" "TENTACLES! POG!" "Is there a cosplay event around here?"

"Can't you see you're making a scene?" Issei scolded. Koneko's cat ears flattened while Ravel's fire smoldered. "No more fighting."

"Hai Issei-sama." "Yes, Issei-senpai."

"Good," he ruffled their hair, gaining a purr from Koneko and a pleased grin from Ravel. "Now, why were you fighting?"

"It was something stupid…" Koneko said, in a low voice.

Issei turned to Ravel for an answer.

"It was nothing…" Ravel turned her head around cutely.

Issei smiled. "If you guys say so…" he reached into his plastic bag and pulled out a trio of packed ice cream on a cone. "Now, how about some ice cream?"

The faces of his two kouhai lit up and they eagerly followed him to the nearby bench. A quick use of tentacles and the ice cream was freed from its container and ready to eat.

The two girls beside Issei forgot their earlier argument and were laughing amicably. Issei smiled. Such was the power of ice cream.

"Okay, I understand now," Xenovia nodded her head. She opened her eyes, sparkling with delight. "So, basically, a swimsuit is like a battle suit worn by women when near a water source to seduce the man they are attracted to, as well as to keep other women away."

A sagging Issei nodded, his soul nearly leaving his body. Explaining the purpose of a swimsuit to a battle maniac was like explaining math to a high school student, they just won't get it until you put it in terms that they relate to. In Xenovia's case, in relation to battle. Truly a meathead…

"That leads me to my next question, why would I need a swimsuit?"

"The same reason why a knight buys armor, to be prepared for battle. Choosing the perfect swimsuit for you is like choosing the right armor to wear. Too tight and you can't move around well, too loose and the armor (swimsuit) will fall off. The rest are preferences," Issei said.

"Understood. Wow, you are a good teacher."

"I have such an understanding student," Issei said sarcastically.

Xenovia didn't pick up on the sarcasm and smirked happily. "Now, could you please teach me about the different types of swimsuits."

Issei heard a snicker from the employee to the side. "Laugh all you want, onee-san," Issei grumbled under his breath. He cleared his throat. "Listen, young p*dawan, just like armor, swimsuits come in different shapes, sizes, and times…"

And so Issei started explaining the similarities between armor and swimsuits. He would later admit that he had fun.

Xenovia would also choose a swimsuit that Sister Griselda would heavily disapprove of but Issei heavily encouraged.

Murayama Kaori, a student at Kuoh Academy and cousin to the infamous Hyoudou Issei, had a part-time job as a waitress in a fast food restaurant in the mall. There, she spent her weekends and afternoons working to earn money for some clothes.

Anyway- It happened during summer break when she saw her cousin, Hyoudou Issei, enter the restroom opposite the restaurant. He gave her a wave before entering. Murayama returned the wave and went back to clearing the tables.

Now this may seem odd, but Murayama saw Issei go back to the restrooms when she didn't even see him go out. She may have missed him and he just forgot something. Issei saluted her and Murayama waved back.

It was odd the second time Issei went to the restroom but right after the second Issei went in, a third one appeared right behind Murayama.

"Boo!"

"Kyaa!" Murayama turned around and slapped her cousin on the arm. "Don't scare me like that!"

Issei laughed. "But it's fun!"

"Don't," Murayama mock glared.

Issei stuck out his tongue. "Gonna go to the restroom. Wanna join me for a quickie?"

"Gross. Ew. Yuck. Go die pervert. You're gonna add incest to your list of sins."

Issei laughed off her insults.

"By the way, this is the third time I've seen you enter the restroom."

"Uhh…" Issei looked away and scratched his head. He turned back to look at Murayama and grinned sheepishly. "But this is my first time going. Are you sure you didn't mistake me for someone else?"

"Like I could mistake you for anyone else," Murayama said as she rolled her eyes.

"You idiots!" Issei slammed his clone's heads together, fusing the two of them into one. "And since you both are me. I'm an idiot too!" he slammed his head against his clone and they fused to make one giant Issei that would terrify the whole nation of Japan.