The thing about Skye
Extension off: She's fazed
Daisy didn't think it had affected her as much as it did. It's such a small thing compared to the rest (Ward, the torture, Fitz, Mase). Really, it shouldn't have even made the list.
But she still flinches the first time May sneaks up on her. Her heart still jolts in her throat and anxiety tingles painfully in her fingertips. It's only a momentary thing- just a fraction of a second- but it's new and startling and Daisy notices. May notices, too, and shame burns out the momentary jolt of fear.
It's a stupid thing. Out of all the things to be affected by (and you better believe she was affected by all of them, too), she didn't think May would have been one of them. May was probably the closest to who she was outside the Framework, just…. Not to Daisy.
It's been a long time since May has looked at her with that apathetic, uncaring, veneer. And it's not like May ever put her hands on Daisy (in the Framework, she didn't touch Daisy at all). But… she stood there. She just stood there while the other Agents surrounded her and beat her into the ground, and when Daisy instinctively looked to the other woman (with the knowledge etched into her bones that there is safety, and warmth, and fierce protection there), it was only that cold, accusing, gaze that stared back.
It wasn't May's fault. It wasn't Fitz's fault, either, but he was so- not-Fitz that it is easy to separate them in Daisy's head. May was still May, though (when she saw injustice, she didn't hesitate in doing the hard thing). Daisy was the only real difference in May's operating world.
Daisy meant nothing to That May. And then Daisy was a tool for That May to take down the evil institution she was turning against. Daisy had failed to wake them up (she wasn't enough to make them remember).
May wouldn't have failed. Coulson wouldn't have failed. But she did.
She knows she didn't really. She got them all out in the end (all with new wounds and trauma and regret). Well, except for Mase (she tries very hard not to drown in the guilt of how grateful she is that it was him, and not any of the others- fuck, she can't do this).
Daisy flinches reflexively as she catches sight of the hand reaching for her, and the arm, and the face that Daisy can't bear to look at. Then she remembers herself and looks back up again at the very expressive expression (in the Melinda May kind of way). Expressive in its wince of uncertainty, and the careful lowering of the arm back to their side, and Daisy wants to take it back.
She didn't mean to.
"Sorry," Daisy mumbles with her own secondary wince and apologetic smile. Her stomach curdles unpleasantly again. Guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt, guilt. She knows that's trauma, too, but she still can't stop it.
It's not May's fault. It's Daisy. It's Daisy's own demons getting in the way when she didn't think it had affected her so much.
"No big deal," May responds, except it is, because Daisy desperately misses her despite her knee jerk reactions, and May only goes on to give her a run down of the next mission Coulson is calling them for, before promptly disappearing (it's not like all the other times people she cares about have disappeared from her life- it's not). But she knows that it is her fault- her stupid brain's fault.
Daisy knows what it's like hurting the people you love, and not having any control over it- not really. And she knows standing passively by and watching it happen. She knows the guilt and realizations that hit after- the self loathing that leads to trying to put distance between you and them- for their benefit, obviously.
Daisy hates that May might feel that, and hates that she's not helping with her stupid reactions and tension and awkwardness- and hates that she just got May back, but she still hardly sees her except on missions.
Daisy knows when she's being avoided. She's usually the avoider, so she knows all the tricks. She can also hack every system and security camera in the Lighthouse to find the person avoiding her. She doesn't need her powers (the world feels very, very wrong without them- like she is suddenly blind and deaf and free falling to Earth with no clue when she's going to hit).
Daisy finds her on the zephyr, in the pilot seat, staring out the window like there is endless sky stretching out beneath her rather than layers of earth and concrete. Like she's back on the Bus and still just the pilot (she wasn't ever just the pilot).
She stiffens as Daisy climbs over the arm of the copilot chair and folds herself into the seat (shoving away that little voice that whispers how annoying and bothersome Daisy is for infringing on other peoples' space).
"Hey," Daisy says, staring out the window, arms tightening around her legs.
May's intense, uncertain, eyes drill into the side of Daisy's head, not bothering with pretenses of pretending.
She shifts, then stills as Daisy twitches. She sighs.
"Daisy-"
"I'm not scared," Daisy hisses angrily- at herself- as she whips her head toward her SO with tears burning in her eyes. "I'm not scared of you- I promise I'm not."
"It's okay if you are. What I did-"
"You didn't know!" Daisy cuts her off again. She can't help it. She just wants May back. "In there, I didn't mean anything to you. If anything, I was a traitor. I know that. I know that. You- you- would never hurt me. I swear I know that." She reaches blindly for May's hand that rests tense and white-knuckled on the armrest of her chair. "It's just my stupid brain. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't mean to. Please, I don't mean to-"
May releases her grip on her chair and reaches out for her, and even as Daisy flinches, vision blurry with tears, she turns into the touch that carefully cradles her face. Daisy hiccups and clings to the attached wrist, holding it there.
"Please don't leave," Daisy breathes wetly after a few shaky inhales.
This is decidedly not how she intended to confront May about the Framework, but it's also not really all that surprising. Daisy breaking down in tears and being all-round pitiful and needy is woefully in character for her.
"I'm not leaving, Daisy," May says gently, in that voice she never uses in front of others (the one she never used in the Framework, either), and thumbs away the steady tear trails. "And you need to stop apologizing. None of this is your fault. You'd be that last person at fault- for any of it."
"Okay," Daisy sniffles and lets go with one hand to scrub at her itching eyes. It knocks May's hand loose, but Daisy's other hand keeps it from retreating fully as she tugs it to her lap. The shame rises up again, from blubbering like a baby, and she drops her gaze to the hand now cradled in hers. She should let go, some part of her acknowledges. May's not the hand-holding sort, in anything. But she makes no move to pull back, so Daisy doesn't either.
She runs her fingertip lightly along the short, smooth, edge of May's fingernails, perfectly cared for. Her own are blunted and jagged from savagely ripping them off with her teeth. "Just-" she starts and stops haltingly. "Don't give me space. Please. Not if- if you think that's what I want. I don't need it. Don't want it." It's strange and goes against every one of Daisy's immediate notions to believe May's avoidance is out of concern for Daisy, and not because of something she did wrong- fucked up- something she did to cause May to not want her anymore.
"Noted," May says, flexing her hand. Daisy immediately lets go, tucking her hand back between her stomach and knees. She's such a clingy shit. Always has been to people she's come to care for.
Rein it in. Stop it. You're too much.
May's gaze flickers over Daisy's face, hand still outstretched and back twisted at an awkward angle. Her hand is free, but she feels reluctant to pull it back after the way Daisy's face suddenly closed off and her eyes drifted away, unfocussed.
May shifts back into her seat, arm finally lowering and spine twinging in relief.
It's not the first time Daisy's been drawn into her head like this- a thought pulling her away from the outside world. She wonders what triggered it this time. If May would be able to pull her out of it. Sometimes it's easier than others, and it's usually Coulson that manages it.
"How have you been, Daisy, after everything?"
"Hm?" Her head tilts slightly back toward May, even as her eyes remain locked on some fixed point on the plane's control panel.
"Daisy," May says again, and this time her eyes lift, blinking rapidly.
"Sorry, what?"
"How have you been after everything? We haven't had a chance to talk since…" Since immediately after the Framework when May found her having a meltdown in a closet.
"I'm great!" Daisy says, voice high and smile tremulous and eye bags so very dark. She can't sleep. That's not anything new.
The silence is too loud. Brace for impact. Daisy knows it's coming.
May doesn't sigh. That would be telling too much. But she does breath out very slowly through her nose. Daisy, always perceptive of any ounce of negative emotion, still catches it, and her already wavering smile crumples as she looks away.
"Try again," May urges calmly, giving the inhuman the reason for her resigned dissatisfaction rather than let her flounder trying to figure it out. Daisy's brain tends to make demoralizing leaps when left to guess.
"I'm…" She stares out the window. She struggles with the words to express exactly how she feels. The only thing she can think to say is, "Off." She feels off. There is a stifled, suffocating, feeling throughout her body. There's a persistent ache in her neck where her inhibitor is. May isn't asking about the end of the world, she's talking about what happened before that, which is honestly just a drop in the stress of Daisy's life. Apparently, she's going to end the world.
"I don't know," she finally says. The rot in her chest is too thick and twisted to sort through. She doesn't know that she even should. It might bring them into sharper focus. "I'm tired." That, at least, is true. The exhaustion only seems to grow and grow through the years as the unbelievably good, happy, times with her team- her family- grow farther and fewer in between the panic and terror of them being torn away from her.
She tucks her chin against her drawn knees as she feels May's solemn gaze.
"When's the last time you've slept?"
What a silly thing to ask. May knows it is, too, even before Daisy throws her a disbelieving look from the corner of her eye. May stands, making her instinctively jolt. She stares at the hand offered to her by her mentor, friend, mother.
She takes it and lets the woman haul her to her feet. "Come on. At least three hours."
Daisy follows trustingly behind her friend, even when they start heading toward the bunks in the lighthouse. There are hundreds of rooms, yet less than a dozen of them are currently in use. Daisy hasn't even claimed one yet. There's no point. What few items she does have are back at the other base.
May stops at her own door and shoves it open. The bed is immaculately made. It's the only thing that looks touched, other than the slight disturbance of dust on the bedside table where the senior agent's firearm is likely placed at night.
"Lay down," May demands, but it's gentle and lacks its usual pull of authority.
Daisy weakly tries to protest. "I'm not going to be able to-"
"Just try. I'll keep watch. I promise I won't leave you alone."
Daisy's resistance crumbles under May's calm, kind, gaze, and she crawls onto the spring, government-issued, mattress made in the 50's.
The sheets smell like cheap laundry detergent and May, and a wave of overwhelming exhaustion washes over Daisy as her body settles sprawled out on the bed. Sleep overtakes her in seconds, leaving May standing near the door.
After a minute of Daisy's deep breathing, she closes it as quietly as possible and creeps over to the bed. Then she settles on the end to keep watch, as she promised.
Daisy sleeps for nearly five hours.
A/N: I have another one in the works- hopefully it won't take as long. In the meantime, here is another spinoff non-cannon pairing: Skye/Daisy x May
It's called Numb.
Writing it felt awkward, but I hope I did it justice. Please review for this chapter, and if you're interested in more angst featuring May comfort (even if it is a pairing), check out the link, too!
~Silver~