Gods, wardens - Blights. It all just amalgamated into one big shit show. No matter how many times she mulled over Cassandra's words it got harder and harder to avoid the feelings stirring up in her. For one, the Inquisitor's impact on just Ferelden reached much farther than her own. Her measly request to provide alienages with better access to resources to expand beyond their segregated walls had barely any effect on the exploitation of her people. To Vethari this felt like she was working against some unwritten rule for her race and circumstances.

Secondly, her connection to what it meant to be an elf, even ordained as a hero, was quite skewed.

"An elvhen god- what a load of shit." She muttered as she shed her leather armor and laid it across the bed she and Zevran had been provided. The inn across from the old Chantry had a new coat of paint too.

"It's quite scandalous for the Inquisitor to have been involved with him, don't you think?" Zevran walked out of the en suite bathroom, steam rising off his skin. Vetri held her breath; he never ceased to leave her taken aback by his beauty.

"I doubt the Inquisitor would suspect an apostate elf of being the god of her legends. However, if I were imprisoned for walking out of the Fade with an unexplainable magical mark, the last person I'd trust is the apostate."

Zevran tsked, "Don't be so cruel, Vetri."

"Is it cruel, or is it just a fact that the mages closest to you can't be trusted?"

"You trusted Morrigan; you let her go."

She waved her hand. "I love Morrigan, but she has questionable behavior sometimes.'"

"Right, just Morrigan has the questionable behavior."

He grabbed some pants, and dropped his towel. Her eyes lingered on him immediately. He was so refined in comparison to her coarse exterior.

"Do you still like what you see?" He teased.

"I always do," Vetri added, and then sat down on the edge of the bed to loosen the laces of her shoes.

Zevran's gaze visibly softened, and he stepped over to her and knelt down, taking hold of her calf. "Here, let me help you."

She didn't say it; he just knew. Her hands had started shaking nearly an hour ago. The weakness in her blood was twisting around in her veins. In the distance, she could hear a song being sung—it was driving her nuts. Vethari pressed her palms to her eyes, trying to stop the singing and shaking.

"We must not fight anymore, Vetri." He started to slowly undo the laces.

"Are we fighting?" Vetri let the question hang in the air.

"You have been tense, more than usual. Your nightmares have gotten worse. Even the lovely paleness of your skin hold a green tint to it-"

"What are you trying to say, Zev?" Her defenses went up, and his face twisted into something she hadn't seen before.

He removed her boot, and placed it aside. "You're hiding how bad it's been getting." Zevran looked serious and she flinched when he rose; he was taken off-guard by it, "Vethari…" He said and gently placed his hand on her cheek. "I am scared that I am going to lose you. That you will die."

Vetri fought the urge to recoil at this instance of emotional intimacy. "I won't. I've been able to fight off the symptoms so far haven't I?"

"Oh, have you now?" Zevran pulled his hand away and set it on his hip. "Or do you mean to say I've been keeping your mind off it, yes?"

That was the shift she wanted. She so desperately needed to pull out the real feelings he had for her. Resentment.

That's what it had to be. He couldn't possibly love her unconditionally—at this point, he was just a masochist. "Maybe you are just a distraction," Vethari muttered. She knew how petty that sounded.

"Bullshit," he said flatly, and their gazes were locked. The seconds ticked by and then he caved, running his fingers through his hair. The strands were still wet, and to keep her mind away from the conversation, she watched the droplets roll down his shoulders.

"Why do we keep doing this? I can't keep watching you poison yourself."

"You should just leave me behind, Zevran. What even is the use of the cure? We can't ever have a simple life. You can't go home to Antiva, and I'm marked for death." She pulled off her remaining boot and lay back, feeling unfulfilled.

"I close my eyes and the archdemon is there again. It's roar thunders into my head and I want to scream. I can't escape it." Her protective shell was cracking, she couldn't do this. That's the sad part, "I saved Ferelden, or that's what they said but for what? Why did I fight for those fucking people…"

"Ve-"

"Don't say that," she said, sitting bolt upright. "I ruined my life for Ferelden and all I have to show for it, is this damn sickness. I should just go and die so that you can live."

Zevran looked pained as he moved forward and pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly against him. "What are you talking about? I am living…."

Vethari clung unto him, "This isn't living, Zevran. This is just delaying the inevitable. I nearly trekked to Adamant with the rest of the Wardens. It was….if it wasn't for Leliana sending me that warning I would have probably done the same as they did. What kind of hero does that make me?"

"You are not a hero, Vethari," he said, lifting her chin and resting his head against hers. "You are just someone who was forced into something you never wanted, and survived. I admire you for it. Let's just forget about the Wardens and your title; there's no need to pretend around me anymore."

Vethari choked back a sob, "Zevran please… stop. This isn't who you are. Who we are. "

He tightened his embrace, and she wanted to fight back, to hurt him so he'd let her go.

"I remember who I was many years ago, Vetri. But things have changed. We aren't those people anymore. We don't have to be. Just... live with me."

She clenched her fists and pushed him away, before getting up. Her breathing was heavy; she felt like the world was crashing down on her. "I need air," she said. "Don't follow me." Vethari stepped out before he could get another word in.