Athariel Lavellan used to be a big deal, and if the people of Denerim knew she was hiding away in their city, they would have hounded her. By now, she considered herself retired, and when Sera offered her the opportunity to run with the Red Jennys, she took it because there was no returning home to her clan and telling them that she had been involved with the Great Betrayer.

The Dreadwolf.

"By the gods. " She muttered, draining a goblet of ale, the cup held with her one and only hand. Currently, she was tucked away in a little tavern hidden away in the nook of the alienage just outside of Denerim. The very one the Hero of Ferelden came from and the only place that it was truly acknowledged. That is probably why the elves there didn't dare report her presence unless it was to trusted friends of the Jennys. The tavern itself was a refuge from her nightly terrors. Not that the disturbing dreams ever lingered longer than to simply torment her enough until a familiar presence chased them away and kept them at bay. It still caught her off-guard. She used to be able to ward her mind and refuse the temptations of demons, just as the Keeper had taught her, and now it was like being a newborn babe in a world no longer known to her.

She touched a pendant made of blue stone around her neck; it hummed with magic. How many times had she considered reaching out to Dorian before deciding he probably didn't have the time to console a washed-up Inquisitor who was having nightmares? It was irrational, of course—Dorian would be very upset to know she hadn't shared her fears with him. But she couldn't bring herself to distract him, not with the Qunari already starting their invasion on Tevinter. It was all too much, too soon.

"Oi, there you are, Attie!" Sera jumped onto the stool next to her, leaning her arms on the wooden counter and inspecting her face. Attie tapped the table, beckoning for a refill; Sera scrunched up her face at the action.

"Should you be doing that?"

"Probably not."

Sera scowled, and Attie knew she was in for another lecture again.

"He's not worth all of this, Attie." She muttered and Athariel got up, her own stool scraping across the floor. It garnered some looks and she tugged her cloak over her armless shoulder to hide the reminder of her shame.

"I don't want to get into this with you, Sera. Not today. Please -"

"I am just worried about you, yeah? We've been doing good things, helping people without all that political shite and now one letter from Cassy and you're back to thinking about him. He's not worth it. He never was."

She regarded Sera and pulled some coins out of her pocket, handing it to the barkeep before she walked out, Sera following along.

"I know your thoughts on Solas aren't the most positive." She started to say, waving her hand in a gesture, "But it's been over a year since…well since I found out that he was the fucking Dreadwolf. I know it doesn't matter to you in the same way it does to me but I can't even look in the mirror without being reminded that I was a complete idiot. I didn't even notice his spies in my ranks, Sera."

Sera put her hands behind her head as walked with her,"I just thought he was too elfy, it doesn't make you stupid that he lied."

"That's the problem isn't it. Technically he omitted the truth, he never lied outright. I should have known…and now I'm the coward. I haven't even replied to Leliana or Cass. Maybe I should just go to Lothering and help them find the bastard. I promised him that I'd either save him from himself or...kill him."

"We are helping." Sera said simply, and Attie had to sigh.

"We are helping," She confirmed,"but we are losing people. You've seen it right? They are leaving the alienages, he's using dreams, no, the Fade to call the elves. He's offering them a sanctuary."

Sera scowled, "He's a piece of shite and no better than the prissy nobles mucking about in their stupid mansions. All he is doing is leading them to their deaths. He doesn't care about the people. "

Attie didn't respond immediately, walking in the silence and mulling over the things she's witnessed in the Fade recently. He always lingered at edges of her dreams in the shape of a common wolf. It confused her because she could never get close enough to ask him why.

"What if his crazy plan works? What if he can restore our people to what we once were."

Sera's eyes widened and she grabbed her by the shoulders, "Now you are saying stupid things. There is no 'our people' only people. People who need us."

"Sera, you were there with me, we stood in a library that was crying out their pain. The screams of a severing so great it shook the foundations of the Fade. Didn't you feel like a part of you was finally waking up?"

"No." She said curtly and let Athariel go, pushing her back slightly. "You need to forget about Solas, let Cassy handle it."

"You didn't see the way he looked at me. I'm responsible for this, it has always been on me."

Sera swore, climbing up a ladder leading to a rooftop they often used as a vantage point. Attie followed her now. "That's your problem, innit? You can't stop putting everything on yourself. He's the one responsible. He gave that orb to Corypheshit and all so that he could restore something that's dead." She stood on the roof, dusting off her pants. It was a garish yellow plaidweave and on anyone else it wouldn't work.

"But that's just it, it's not dead, it still lives in the Fade. Everything that is and was and could be. I know we have our differences and I know all of this scares you, " Athariel faced Sera. "I need to go to Lothering; there has to be a way to restore the glory of the elves without him committing genocide."

Sera unsheathed her bow, adjusting an arrow with red cloth hanging from it, "What happens if you restore the 'glory of the elves' hm? You know sometimes you sound like him. Maybe that's why you shagged him."

Attie clenched her fist, "I didn't, we di-"

Sera gave her a look and released her arrow. "Didn't doesn't mean wouldn't. He used you, and you're like a love sick puppy. Gettin' away was supposed to show you that."

"Sera, we can stand here, helping all these people the normal people but if Solas succeeds in his methods then who knows what's going to happen! He'll undo everything we fought for three years ago. I need to return to my role. I need to stop hiding from my clan. I need to be the Inquisitor once more. I need to prove to him that his way is wrong, that there is a way to restore what was lost without everyone losing their lives. "

Sera sighed, "I'm not coming with you this time; the real people need me."

"Good. I need you here to carry on the important work that often gets overlooked." Attie set her hand on her hip and the two of them stood in silence, and then Sera snorted as she placed her arm around Athariel's shoulder, giving her a hug. "If you get yourself killed or join his elfy cult , I'll hunt you down myself and put an arrow in your face."

Athariel laughed and hugged Sera back, using her hand to clasp around her shoulders. "You are crazy, gods, I'm going to miss you! "

"Yeah, yeah," she said, relenting into the embrace. "I'll miss you too. Now get out of here before I change my mind and stop you from this suicide mission."

Athariel laughed, and then let out a breath. She was afraid, she always had been. She'd taken up the mantle of Inquisitor because she had to, and then she disbanded the Inquisition because the political conflict was distracting from what she had set out to do. It didn't help that both Fen'harel's spies and Qunari spies were infesting their ranks like leeches at the time. There was no way of knowing who was loyal anymore, besides for a few in her inner circle and they weren't enough.

Now? Now she had a choice to make once more. Will she be the one to take the lead again and face the one who held her heart, or would she fall short of everyone's expectations.

That was what was racing through her mind as she left Sera behind, her closest confidant since she'd walked out of that damned Eluvian completely humiliated by the fact that he'd been the wolf stalking amongst them all along. It broke something in her even if she never considered herself naive to that a degree.

She'd find him, and then he'd regret ever pitying her the way he did.