11: An Impossible Dream
The light of the fire flickered brightly in the center of their makeshift camp. Though it was warm and cheerful, it couldn't completely banish the ponderous silence of the surrounding forest creeping in at the edges of the light.
Rikku chose to sit further away from the crackling blaze than the others; the cool night air didn't bother her, and she wanted to enjoy the silent forest for just a little longer. The real beauty of Macalania only came out in the deepest of night, under the light of the cold moon and the pyreflies which drifted aimlessly through the trees. The forest glittered, its crystal and water turned into precious metals by the evening's darkness, and its pyreflies fallen stars from the heavens.
One drifted very close to Rikku's face, and she reached out and wrapped her hand around it. A moment later it passed through her palm and continued floating away into the night. It was hard to believe that the beautiful, tiny point of light was the cause of so much danger in the otherwise peaceful forest.
"So tell me about the spheres," Jecht said, and she turned to face him.
He had followed her out to the low trunk she was leaning against after they made camp; he wanted to thank her for saving his life, but she knew it was also in part because of Auron's behavior. The other man was still furious and hadn't so much as glanced in her direction, much less spoken a word since they'd decided to retire for the evening. She was grateful for Jecht's attempt to smooth things over, but not in the mood for his usual jokes. Thankfully, he seemed to understand that.
"What do you want to know about them?" she asked, taking a blank recording sphere out of her pouch and throwing it at Jecht. He caught it and turned it around in his hands, inspecting the glowing liquid trapped in its interior.
"Braska says they're made here," he said, holding it to his ear and shaking it. "So it's filled with water or somethin'?"
"It's not really water-water," Rikku noted. She pointed at a tiny stream trickling by their feet; one of many winding their way towards the lakes that pooled in the deep forest. "Memories can be trapped here, captured and reflected by the crystal water. That's why people sometimes go into the woods to harvest it and make spheres."
Jecht was now squatting by the stream and dipping his fingers into it. He sniffed them and turned back to Rikku. "Don't smell different from normal water," he noted. He licked his fingers and then shrugged. "Don't taste different either."
"It's purer than normal water," Rikku corrected him. "Otherwise I'd be really grossed out that you just licked the ground like that. Honestly, I bet your fingers are grubbier than anything in that stream though." She smirked and Jecht made a half-hearted rude gesture at her.
"Everyone's a comedian," Jecht grumbled. Then he scratched his head. "So… why ain't there more people here if this water is so damn special? Those spheres we bought in Bevelle cost an arm and a leg! In Zanarkand people would be all over this stuff if we could sell it for that much."
"Well, besides the fiends, there's another problem," Rikku explained. "It's a risky job. I'd rather go diving for machina than collect sphere water."
Jecht stood up and flicked a few droplets of water at her. "What other problem? I don't see why we can't just bottle this stuff up while we're here and sell it at the next town. We'd be rich!"
Rikku shook her head. "That isn't the purest water, the one you can make spheres out of. You have to go diving in one of the lakes to get the really good stuff."
Jecht thumped his chest. "Divin'? You forget I'm a Blitzball pro already? That's kid stuff!"
"It's not the diving that's the problem," Rikku answered, rolling her eyes. "The deeper you go, the purer it gets. Really pure water can conduct memories the best. That's why no one ever wants to work as a harvester. You have to face your own memories."
"What's so bad about that?" Jecht asked, shrugging his shoulders.
Rikku nibbled on her lip. "You'd probably see things. Things that are - important - to you down there. You can't work as a harvester if you have too many regrets. You might drown." She didn't elaborate on the why; Jecht didn't need to know that most water harvesters didn't drown by accident. He also didn't need to know that no one in Spira lived without regret. Sin touched everyone's lives, whether directly or indirectly. Only people who were strong enough to resist the temptation of their own memories and desires could collect water. The job became addicting all too quickly, and a high mortality rate accompanied it. In Macalania Forest, regrets could kill almost as effectively as Sin did.
"It's just a bad idea, alright?" she finished. "Promise me you won't try it."
"Fine," Jecht muttered. "I still say we're passin' up a golden opportunity here."
"There'll be others." Rikku curled her legs under herself and rested her chin on her knees. She noticed Jecht's quick glance back towards the campfire and gave him a reassuring smile. "Go on," she told him. "I'll be fine out here."
"You sure?" Jecht asked. " 'Cause I can knock some sense into his head if ya want."
Rikku shook her head. "I'll take a rain check on that," she told him with a devilish grin. "But it's okay for now. Get back there and have your dinner or something."
"Okay. But if you don't come back soon, I ain't savin' you any," he added.
Rikku stuck her tongue out at his retreating back, then returned her gaze to the trees. She wasn't hungry anyway; her stomach was still twisted into tense knots. "I'm so out of place here." Relaxing, she rested her head against her arms. She mused over what she had told Jecht, her eyes drifting towards the little stream that ran by her feet. It was a sliver of platinum against the dark ground, radiant and beautiful.
Most Al Bhed wouldn't even enter Macalania Forest; it was reviled almost as much as the Farplane. The memory-water was the reason; it was as cruel as the pyreflies in flaying open a person's innermost heart. The strange liquid was achingly pure, free of any sediment to cloud its revelations. Everything in the forest was like that: clean, smooth and polished, even the fiends. It was the opposite of what made the Al Bhed who they were. Her people were gritty, sandy and rough, only comfortable in muddy waters that was as dirty as they were. The water in Macalania was too perfect, just a little too sweet and cold. This was Braska's kind of water, not hers.
With a sigh, Rikku pushed off from the trunk and made her way back towards the camp. Hungry or not, free food was never something to be turned down. Auron didn't acknowledge her return, though Braska gave her a quick nod and Jecht threw a spit of something roasted at her. She sat down and nibbled at the food, trying to catch up on the conversation Jecht and Braska were having.
"So those were just pieces of it?" Jecht asked.
Braska nodded. "Yes. Sin always returns for its children. That is why it is our duty to remove them as quickly as possible." He laughed and shook his head. "Though this was not quite how I imagined my first battle with an aeon would occur…"
"Sin can strike anywhere, at any time," Auron interrupted tersely. "The question is what it was doing in Macalania Forest in the first place. It doesn't seem to be travelling towards Bevelle. It might have been heading for the Thunder Plains or the Calm Lands, but there aren't any large settlements to destroy in either area." His voice was low and smooth, but Rikku could hear the tension underneath his words; he was still angry.
Rikku set aside her half-eaten stick of roast, passing it onto Jecht when he gestured. Auron was still miraculously ignoring her despite the fact that she was sitting across from him. He hadn't bothered to look at her since she transformed, and Rikku couldn't really say that she blamed him. She studied him over the firelight, knowing that his stubbornness would prevent her from being caught staring.
I was ready to shoot him earlier because of that stupid dressphere, she thought with a pang of guilt. She knew Auron hated being lied to, and being caught in such a huge, noticeable lie made her feel awkward and deeply embarrassed. It was as though she let him down somehow - which was stupid, really, because he was the one who had done all the lying when they first met, with that whole thing about being dead.
She scowled at him in annoyance. So maybe he hadn't been lying; they'd never bothered to ask him to clarify that crack Seymour took about his dead-guy smell. And it was no wonder he wanted to keep it a secret - the Unsent were universally despised in Spira as harbingers of discord and destruction, usually for good reason. But a lie by omission was still a lie in Rikku's book, so in her opinion he was just as bad as she was. Auron probably wouldn't have agreed with her logic if he could hear the argument she was having in her head. He wasn't paying her enough attention to talk at all, though.
"Sin must have passed here not long ago." Braska was speaking now. Rikku turned her attention onto the Summoner; freed of his heavier outer robe and helmet, he looked younger and frailer than normal. Creases of weariness wrinkled the corners of his eyes, but despite that he appeared to be calm and peaceful. It was as if seeing one of his Guardians pull out a secret Al Bhed weapon and then subsequently being insulted by said Guardian was an ordinary, everyday occurrence. She didn't understand why Braska didn't seem to be as upset with her as Auron was. She had, after all, called him a Yevonite too. And he was, sort of, despite being an outcast from the official church. But Braska was still a Summoner, and in Rikku's mind that was even more clergic than being a Warrior Monk. Wait, is clergic even a real word? she wondered. Well, it was now.
"… Guadosalam." Braska was still speaking with the others; they were trying to determine Sin's destination.
"What?" she said in shock, snapping out of her brooding silence. "But it can't! The Farplane is there!" A flutter of panic caused her heart to hammer against her ribcage. She had never heard of Sin attacking the Farplane before, but that was no guarantee that it wasn't possible. The Farplane would always exist in Spira, no matter what havoc Sin might wreck. But that didn't mean that the city built around it couldn't be razed. And if the city was destroyed, her chance to visit the Farplane would be destroyed along with it. "It just can't!" she blurted out.
Jecht scratched his head and picked at his teeth with the crystalline spit. Smacking his gums together, he raised an eyebrow. "What's a Farplane?"
"Something the Al Bhed have no respect for or belief in," Auron answered him, still ignoring Rikku.
Rikku winced. "The Farplane is where the souls of the dead go to find peace, if they don't become fiends. It's one of the most important places in the entire world, everybody knows that." She glared at Auron. "Even the Al Bhed!"
"Hmph," Auron replied.
Jecht grimaced and ducked his head as both ends of the clipped argument were fired in his direction. "Keep me outta this," he said, raising his hands in self-defense. "If you two are gonna argue, do it with each other. I ain't your personal blitzball."
Rikku rolled her eyes and focused her attention on Braska instead. Some things were more important than fighting with Auron, and getting back home was one of them. "We have to go there! We have to see if they're okay!" Before Braska could reply, Auron interrupted her. Though he felt fit to give her the cold shoulder, he wasn't so receptive to being ignored either.
"Absolutely not! We're here on Pilgrimage, not to sightsee!" he snarled.
Braska sighed and shook his head. "Auron, calm down. I hardly think stopping by a city recently ravaged by Sin could be considered vacationing. It is also a Summoner's duty to perform the Sending when required."
Rikku smirked and stuck her tongue out at Auron, who only glowered at the fire.
"… but Auron is right," Braska continued, and Rikku's grin faded. "Rikkma, Guadosalam is too far out of the path of our Pilgrimage." He sighed and rubbed a palm over his face. "Even if the city has been attacked, they would only accept our help grudgingly. Yevon's influence is still weak among the Guado. We can serve them best by continuing forward and defeating what Sinspawn we find left in forest."
"But - but -" Rikku stuttered, and this time it was Auron's turn to smirk. She ground her teeth and stared into the bright fire; it looked like an expeditious return to her own time wasn't going to be happening. "It's just wrong!" she grumbled.
"The Summoner has made his decision. Accept it or withdraw from this Pilgrimage." Auron's voice was cutting. Leave it to him to kick her while she was down.
Rikku blinked and looked up from the fire to meet his eyes, her own hurt and anger mixing with the guilt. Seething, she opened her mouth to try and deliver a blow that would humiliate him as much as he had made her hurt, and the best she could come up with was - "Maybe I will!"
The group fell quiet as Rikku and Auron entered yet another staring contest - we seem to do that more than we converse with each other - and then the tension broke as Braska shot to his feet.
"Stop it, both of you." Braska didn't sound upset, but the usual levity in his tone was absent, and his command fell on them like an executioner's axe. They were both guilty and sentenced, with five simple words.
Rikku broke away, flushing; she didn't dare chance a peek at Auron to see what his reaction was, but from his uncomfortable shuffling it seemed he was similarly cowed by Braska's disapproval. Instead, she snuck a glance at Braska. To her surprise, he looked troubled, rather than angered, and his attention was focused on her.
"Rikkma, I want you to walk with me," he said.
"My lord, the Sinspawn -" Auron protested, reaching for his sword and springing to his feet.
Braska moved to Rikku's side and grasped her arm, helping her stand. "I will be fine, Auron," he replied, his voice brokering no argument. "Stay with Jecht." He pulled her away from the warm ring of firelight and deeper into the forest, and the last Rikku saw of the camp was Auron's jaw twitching as he slammed his sword back into the ground.
She turned to look at Braska, who hadn't released her arm as he picked his way through the crystalline forest. His silence was unnerving, and Rikku licked her lips and tried to come up with a comfortable way to start the conversation. "So…" she began, hoping he would fill the pregnant pause.
Braska said nothing and led her deeper into the forest. It was only when he was satisfied that they were far away enough from their camp that he released her arm. The small clearing they had entered was surrounded by a dense crystalline thicket on all sides and housed a wide, shallow lake. Pyreflies drifted over the surface of the water and mingled with the reflection of the stars overhead. Rikku thought it was almost beautiful enough to forget that her Summoner had dragged her out there for the purpose of chastising her.
"Sit," Braska told her, and though it was a command, he didn't say it unkindly. When she was settled comfortably at the water's edge, he joined her and fell into another brooding silence.
Rikku held her breath and didn't even dare fidget; the last thing she wanted to do was upset Braska any more than she already had. The guilt at having thrown a horrible insult his way while under the influence of her dressphere was eating at her, and she was almost looking forward to his punishment as much as she dreaded it. Finally, atmosphere grew so heavy that Rikku cursed to herself and broke the quiet.
"I'm sorry!" she blurted out. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to call you that, to compare you to one of them -"
Braska looked up at her, faint surprise etched on his face, which then melted into a wry half-smile. "Auron is the one you should say that to," he told her. "Though both of your behaviors leave much to be desired, Auron is hard, proud man. He would never apologize to you first. Though in this case, he does not need to," he added sternly. "It is you who initially wronged him, and therefore you who must take action to repair the damage."
Rikku dropped her head in shame; this was ten times worse than being yelled at by Cid when she was caught doing something wrong. Sure, the throbbing vein in her father's forehead and his red-flushed face was enough to inspire terror in almost anyone when he was angry. Somehow Braska's quiet reprimand felt more painful than any tongue-lashing Cid had ever dished out, though. "Yes, sir," she whispered, feeling lower than the non-existent dirt on the forest floor.
Braska fell back into his silence. Rikku kept her head ducked low and stared into the water. Catching a reflection of herself against the smooth surface of a rock formation jutting outwards, she shifted her gaze to discreetly to study Braska. He hadn't noticed she was also watching him, but she wasn't about to tell. It was a lot easier to be on the receiving end of Braska's scrutiny when he didn't realize she was looking back. She saw rather than heard him sigh, and then braced herself as he opened his mouth once more.
"I gather that it was quite an interesting transformation you performed back there," he said, attempting a casual tone. "I wish I could have witnessed it for myself."
Rikku canted her head in confusion. It didn't sound like he was trying to punish her for insulting Auron. In fact, it sounded like he was trying to lighten the mood. Too bad she was still feeling heavier than Wakka during the second half of a Blitzball game. Which brought back memories of Wakka and Lulu and oh machina she was never going get to see Vidina grow up - Rikku took a deep, shaky breath and forced herself to calm down. "You were a little busy."
"Yes… I am very grateful that you managed to save Jecht's life with that tool of yours. We all are." Rikku kept her head lowered, and Braska's encouraging smile faltered. Then it returned, wider and even more determined than before. "Is it the latest Al Bhed invention?" he prodded. Rikku gave a half-hearted nod, and Braska continued doggedly. "Did you create it yourself?"
Watching his reflection waiting for her response, patient and hopeful, Rikku had to give him credit. Braska was tenacious, and he seemed determined to pull her out of her depressive funk. Resisting his attempts to draw her into more pleasant conversation was causing her almost as much guilt as starting the argument with Auron, and so she gave up without much struggle.
"Uh-uh," Rikku said, looking up and meeting his eyes. "Actually, I don't even know how it really works," she admitted. "I got it as a gift from a friend of mine, he's the real genius. I just use it!"
Braska laughed, a surprisingly pleasant sound which echoed into the tinkling crystal forest. "Forgive me," he said, still smiling at her. "But I happen to know that this is how most Al Bhed inventions function. It often seems to me that the discoveries made by your people are more a matter of luck than knowledge."
"Hey! Our machina is perfectly safe! Most of the time," she mumbled with a pout, which only caused Braska to laugh even louder.
"You must excuse me once more," he managed to say, "I mean no offense… by all means, please continue with your machina experiments. I would advise you not to reveal your scientific method, however - you'll whittle away at what little Jecht has left of Auron's composure." His good humor was infectious, and Rikku felt her dark mood being chased away as she giggled in agreement.
After a moment their laughter died out, and Braska eyed her belt with curiosity. "Tell me, though. Are you quite sure that it is not dangerous?"
"Not really," Rikku said. "You know what they say. Risk big win big!" Braska didn't look very happy at her declaration, so she grinned and winked at him. "Relax! I've been using it for over three years now and nothing bad's ever happened before. I'm pretty sure it's safe." Noticing Braska's curious glance, she decided on a whim to unhook her belt and slid it off of her waist, offering it to him. "It's okay, you can touch it. It's called a garment grid, and it works by sticking spheres into the holes." She pointed as she spoke, displaying the paths and the nodes on the grid. "The grid itself has a little magic in it, but what it can do really depends on the spheres you load into it."
"Just ordinary recording spheres?" Braska asked, studying the grid.
"Yeah," Rikku said. "It summons the memories of the things recorded in the spheres and transforms you into a different person. Sort of. It's kinda hard to explain," she said. "You're still you, you're just… different."
"I see," Braska said slowly. "Amazing. So who did it transform you into?"
Rikku blushed and bit her lip. "Well, that's the thing. I call that one the Alchemist and I, uh, well, I sorta made that sphere myself." She winced at Braska's open look of surprise.
"Then why in Spira did it change your personality so?" he asked, bemused.
Rikku sighed and fidgeted nervously. "Well, I filled that sphere with memories of Home. I don't know, I guess it sort of overwhelmed me." She gave Braska a weak smile. "I miss being surrounded by people who understand and accept me. I miss my friends and my family. I miss not being able to go back," she told him. Just another little white lie, cloaked in generous wrapping of truth.
"I think I understand," Braska replied. Then, fingering the sphere she had touched, he gave her a cautious smile. "Would you mind if I viewed…"
Rikku paled immediately and shook her head. "No!" she shouted at him. Then, embarrassed, she tried to salvage something from her outburst. "It's, uh, personal. I like to keep those memories to myself," she explained. Yeah… and you'd totally freak if you saw me working with Father too, she thought.
Braska looked mortified - he'd assumed he'd crossed some sort of personal boundary that just didn't exist, Rikku realized. She instantly felt horrible. He was only trying to help cheer her up; her yell had given him the appearance of a kicked puppy.
"Ah, well then…" he said, holding the belt out towards her, his tone apologetic.
Rikku stared at it, and then snapped her fingers. "I know!" she said. "You can do something better than watching the sphere. Why don't you test it out yourself?"
Braska froze and stared at her as if she had gone mad. "What?"
Rikku gave him a reassuring smile and pushed the belt back towards him. "Seriously! Try it on! I already told you, it's perfectly safe. It's only fair, since you missed out on watching me use it." Despite her reassurances, Braska still looked uncertain, so Rikku stuck out her lower lip and sulked. "Aww, come on, don't you trust me?"
And that was the question. Silence fell as Braska continued to stare at the belt, and Rikku struggled to hold her hand steady. It wasn't so much that the belt was heavy; more that the weight of the challenge she had thrown out to Braska both surprised and scared her. She hadn't been planning on testing him when she made her offer, it just sort of tumbled out as she realized the import of her question too late. She held her breath and prayed; not you too, Braska. It's bad enough with Auron already.
To her great relief, Braska smiled at her, trusting and open as he lifted the belt out of her grasp. Rikku nearly cried with relief when she saw that smile; Yuna's little smile that could convince her to do anything, even become a Guardian. It was just as potent coming from the original source. After removing his own thickly embroidered belt, Braska sucked in his breath and clasped her garment grid closed over his robes. He chuckled after ensuring it was secure; Rikku could barely contain her own grin.
"Auron will never forgive either of us if he finds out," Braska said to her mischievously.
"Then we just won't tell him!" Rikku laughed, feeling the tension ease out of her muscles. She took another long look at Braska. "Wow! You actually fit into my belt," she snickered. "You look so pudgy underneath all those robes, it's kind of hard to believe you're as skinny as me!"
"That's because I'm not," Braska admitted with a slight wheeze. "I think I'll be able to manage without passing out, though," he added, settling the belt as best he could around his waist.
Rikku helped Braska to his feet with a sullen pout. "Yeah, well it isn't fair. I see how much you eat, and you're still as skinny as a twig! Do you know how many girls would kill to have a body like yours?"
"Not quite as many who would come after you, I imagine," Braska replied smoothly, and Rikku flushed and realized he was still holding on to her hand. Extracting her palm from his grip, she cleared her throat. "Well, let me explain a few things first," she said. "Did you feel that little tickle when you put it on?"
Braska nodded, looking down at the belt. "Yes. Strange, it almost felt like… being hit by a mild thunder spell," he mused. "I can feel it still, inside of me, as though it's waiting to be released."
"That's the grid supplying you with black magic," Rikku explained, grinning at Braska's look of surprise. "I can't actually cast much more than the basic elemental spells," she admitted with a bit of shame.
"But I thought you told Auron that you had high-level abilities. And I could have sworn I saw the remnants of a gravity spell…" Braska prodded.
"I know what I told Auron," Rikku said, cringing under the open admission of another lie. "But that's where the grid comes in! I can cast almost anything when I'm wearing it. It's just not me doing the casting, see?"
"No, not really," Braska admitted.
"Oh… here, it's just easier to show you," Rikku said in exasperation. She spun around the clearing, finally selecting a large tree trunk near the pond and pointing at it. "Just cast a Fire spell at that," she said.
Braska shook his head. "I'm a healer, Rikkma, not a warrior mage. I cannot cast elemental spells."
Rikku stomped her foot and pointed at the trunk again. "Don't think about it, just point and cast! You just have to feel like you want to do it and grid will take care of the rest."
Braska hesitated, looking from her to the target. He stretched his arm out towards it and a small crease appeared in his brow, but nothing happened. Rikku shook her head. "Just believe," she insisted.
He opened his mouth, and the words slipped out almost as quickly as the surprise on his face. The familiar-looking casting glow surrounded him, and Rikku smiled in approval. Her smile froze as a massive explosion hit the trunk with so much force it made the ground quake. The blast of the spell broke off many of the larger branches and shattered them, spraying broken shards several feet up into the air. A shocked silence fell between Summoner and Guardian as tiny bits of crystal pattered around them like rain, dusting their heads with silvery powder.
Rikku managed to close her mouth before she inhaled too much of it, and then turned to Braska. His own eyes looked as wide as hers felt. "What was that?" she screeched when she could find her voice again. "I told you to cast a Fire spell at it. A Fire spell!"
At least Braska had the sense to look apologetic. "I thought I might try a Firaga," he said with a weak grin. "I… ah… wasn't expecting such a violent reaction."
Rikku gaped. "That wasn't just a Firaga, that was more like a meteor meltdown!" She thought back to Shinra's explanation of the magic grids: that a person's innate casting abilities could also have an affect on the grid's own power. And Braska evidently had an impressive amount of magic power to spare.
"I think I understand how your grid works now," Braska coughed.
"You know, maybe you should look into learning some black magic on your own," Rikku muttered, trying to cover her jealousy. "Considering how much of a punch you can pack, you'd kick some serious butt!"
Braska's face clouded, and he shook the crystalline powder out of his robes. "I do not think I will have the time," he admitted.
The smile faded from Rikku's face. "Don't say that," she murmured, feeling their brief interlude of happiness slipping away.
"… why don't you tell me how these spheres work?" Braska gave her a hopeful smile; Rikku guessed she wasn't the only one not ready to return to their grim duties as Summoner and Guardian just then.
"Umm," Rikku hummed in agreement, moving closer. "I'm going to activate the Alchemist dressphere for you, that's the one I was using earlier." She reached for the belt and Braska tensed. "Don't be afraid," she reassured him. "You'll still be yourself. Just… with a little Al Bhed flair!" She waited until he gave her a curt nod, and then ran a finger over the sphere, activating the node and then stepping back.
Light filled the clearing, but disappeared in a flash; Braska didn't even have time to grunt in surprise before the change overtook him. It was quite a sight, considering how thick and loose-fitting his normal attire was. Dressphere transformations tended to occur with a flair for drama, and with his many-layered robe whipping and glowing around him Braska's transformation was definitely operatic. For a few brief seconds, he looked like some strange, crystalline spirit conjured by the forest itself. Then the transformation was complete, and Braska was standing before her, only different.
And how different! Rikku swallowed. Yes, it was Braska in front of her, but he was no longer standing. He was slouching in a very un-Braska-like way, arrogant, with an uncharacteristic smirk on his face that could have rivalled one of Jecht's. Gone were the loose, flowing robes, and in its place was typical Al Bhed battle gear, form-fitting and covering him from head to toe. There was even a pair of goggles holding back his long brown hair. That and his piercing blue eyes were the only things that gave away the fact that he wasn't Al Bhed. Those eyes were in the process of appraising her with newfound interest. Rikku felt herself staring and tried to remind herself that he was Yuna's dad. Yuna's apparently very hot dad, underneath all those robes. No wonder aunt Raenn ran away with him.
"So how do I look?" Braska's voice was calm; despite his shocking physical appearance, his attitude was much more laid-back and relaxed than her own. Still, there was something less reserved about his movements as he sauntered over to pond and took in his own reflection.
Rikku managed to tear her eyes away from his finely muscled backside and give herself a huge mental backhand. Braska! It's uncle Braska, she chanted to herself, holding her head and shaking it. She looked up and noticed Braska watching her reaction with a self-conscious frown; that helped ease her mind somewhat. The dressphere might have seemed to change him, but he was still a far cry from being as over-confident as most travelling Al Bhed needed to be.
"Fantastic," Rikku reassured him. "Better than I thought you'd look," she admitted, joining his side and staring at his reflection in the pool. Then she elbowed him in the ribs with a sly grin. "I mean, wow. This really should be the new fashion trend for all the guys in Spira. Think about it, Jecht might actually stop scaring people away if he tried it out!"
Braska grinned and nudged her back with his own elbow. "This, and excommunication from the Church of Yevon," he added.
Rikku only rolled her eyes upwards. "It's not as bad as you think, you know. You should try it. It's freeing."
"I think I'll pass," Braska answered, squatting. Rikku had to suppress a giggle at the incongruity of it all; people like Braska didn't squat, they gracefully folded. Though she had to admit he did make squatting look good.
"You find my appearance that amusing?" Braska asked with an easy smile. "Then you are a liar, even if a kind one."
Rikku crouched down next to him. "Sometimes people need a little white lie, you know?" The grin froze when she noticed Braska reaching out for her; he grabbed one of her dangling braids and slipped it through his palms, letting his fingers twirl around a glass bead.
"You have beautiful hair," he told her, playing with the braid. Silence settled as he waited for her to respond to his advance; it stretched thin when she didn't. His fingers stilled around the bead, and his face was open as he gazed at her. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this," he stated, almost apologetic. Rikku leaned away from him and he released her hair.
"I do," she told him. "It's the dressphere. It lets you do things you normally couldn't. Or wouldn't."
Braska sat back on his heels, looking thoughtful. "You're right," he admitted. "I think I understand now. I feel so free... willing to say things I would normally prefer to keep to myself." He gave her a sidelong glance. "However..."
Rikku swallowed again and couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes a second time.
"This... costume... it doesn't change the way you really feel, does it? It simply makes those feelings stronger."
"... yeah." Rikku kept her head down, and Braska continued to look at her. She twitched and felt sweat beading on the back of her neck. "I'm not her," she said, her voice low. "I'm not your wife."
"I know," Braska replied. More silence followed. Then he took a deep breath. "You should know that Auron..." He paused, but Rikku's head had already snapped up to watch him at the mention of the other man's name. Braska looked disturbed, as though he was wrestling with himself. Finally, he sighed and continued. "... is many things. Angry, and flawed in his own way. But he is not what you think."
"What do you mean?" Rikku asked, watching him closely.
Braska smiled, a faint flash of pain marring his features. "He is no more a Yevonite than I am. Auron is angry because he is still lost. This Pilgrimage... it gives him purpose and duty. I fear sometimes that it is all he has. Auron needs something to believe in, now that Yevon has abandoned him."
Rikku was surprised by the information Braska provided. She thought back on everything she knew about Auron, and his conversation with Kinoc came to her mind. "... You mean that whole thing about how he got passed up for his promotion?"
Braska looked surprised that she knew, but then gave her a slow nod. "He is a still a Warrior Monk in name." Then his gaze grew sharp and knowing. "But a name can hide many things, can't it, Rikk-u-ma."
Rikku grew very quiet, unable to answer him. Braska didn't press her; instead, she heard him deactivating the dressphere. A moment later, she turned her head and saw that he was offering her the belt.
"You should speak with him," Braska told her. "Auron respects you, and the manner in which you hurt him was unfair. He is handling it in the only way he knows how: with anger."
Rikku stared at the belt in her hands, not quite seeing it. "I hurt him? I didn't think I could, not like that." Braska didn't reply at first; he stood, hiding his face in the lengthening shadows.
"We should return to the others," he told her in his usual gentle lilt; calm and peaceful, a voice that gave away nothing of what he might have been feeling or thinking.
Tottering to her feet, Rikku re-attached the belt around her waist. When she looked up, he was moving away from her, drifting back towards the general direction of their camp. "Hey, Braska," she called out to him in a small voice. He looked back; though his face was as smooth as the crystalline lake, she knew it would only take the slightest of disturbances to ripple through his calm demeanor. "Why are you helping me like this?" she asked. "With Auron, I mean. When, you know..." She gestured at him.
Braska smiled and looked away. "Because you are not Raenn," he replied. Then he hesitated. "Because I would never allow the desire for an impossible dream to interfere with those which I can reach." He paused. "Speak with Auron. He will need your strength for this journey." Then Braska resumed his slow path back towards the camp, and after a moment of thoughtful silence, Rikku followed him.
edited 6/16