32: Mambo de Chocobo

Rikku had a plan. It was a good plan. It was a fantasteriffic plan. It was a plan that did not involve getting hot, sweaty, and dusty hiking down the highway towards Luca. After a hard day of fighting for supplies followed by the excruciating conversation with Jecht, she'd earned a break. And so, when the sun rose the next day, she equipped herself with the necessary supplies to put Operation Vacation Tan into action.

Rikku sighed and stretched against her bedroll-turned-sunning-towel. "I could get used to this."

Of course, less than a minute later, the sound of approaching footsteps and rustling robes met her ears. Ugh, that's probably Auron and Braska. Can't a girl get any privacy around here?

"... and we gathered enough supplies to set off for Luca today. As soon as we find the others, we should leave; there's no reason to delay any further."

Classic Auron. She groaned.

"It would seem we managed to unearth one of them, at least," Braska responded. "Rikku! Have you seen Jecht? He chose not to return last night, but Auron told me you two had – " He cut himself off, sputtering.

Rikku cracked one eye open. "Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" The tone of Auron's voice could wither grass. "And why are you wearing that again?"

She gave Auron a bored look. "Hello, they're my clothes?" She gestured at her yellow bikini. "And can you stop looming? You're in my sun."

Braska looked away. "Clothes… yes. I seem to remember there being… more… of them."

"Well, yeah, I'm not wearing the scarf or the sleeves. Think of the tan lines!" She shuddered.

Auron gave her a frosty look. "That is not the travelling outfit we agreed upon." His gaze caught on her scrap of a skirt. "I don't even think that qualifies as an outfit."

Rikku pointed at him lazily – the sun felt too nice to get worked up. "Relax, it's not like I'm defenseless. My belt is right here," she added, patting the garment grid tucked in the folds of her discarded scarf. "Besides, this is a perfectly respectable Al Bhed outfit."

"Respectable?" Auron repeated, frustration leaking into his tone. "The parts of you left to the imagination would fit on one hand!"

"Hey, I kept my straps on!" Rikku protested, pulling at the shoulder buckles. Then she looked down at her chest and huffed. "And you don't have to rub it in, you know." So what if I'm not in the same "Blitzball" league as Yuna or Paine?

Auron flushed and turned away.

Braska coughed; it sounded suspiciously like a stifled laugh. "For what it's worth, I would still describe you as a handful, Rikku." And yes, that was a smirk.

Rikku glared and sent Braska a rude gesture, mouthing, "I'll show you grief!"

"I am merely trying to help." Braska shrugged. "Am I correct in assuming today's lack of travel outfit means you do not wish to travel?"

"Duh," Rikku agreed, settling back onto her roll.

"Which counts as a point in my favor," he said to Auron. "Another night at the agency won't leave us destitute."

Auron ran a hand over his face, and Rikku felt a miniscule pinprick – a mosquito bite, really – of guilt. If she didn't smooth this one over, it would end up itching for days afterwards.

"We can keep fiend hunting down the Mi'ihen Highroad." Braska owes me big for this! "We'll make up that gil in no time!"

"...Have it your way," Auron replied, turning back towards her.

Rikku scratched her head. That was almost too easy, at least for Auron. She shrugged. Maybe he really wanted a vacation too? Whatever the reason, it was her policy not to look a gift chocobo in the beak. Stretching her arms over her head, she sighed and wriggled into a better tanning position.

"At least for now, we can enjoy the view," Auron said with a mild smirk that fell away seconds later. "But I want you to don your travelling gear while we're hunting. Luca may grant you a respite from wearing actual clothing, but the fiends along the Highroad won't."

Rikku scrunched her nose at him. I can fight just fine in a bikini! She opened her mouth to object, but Braska beat her to the punch.

"I must protest," he said staidly, clasping his hands.

"With Rikku wearing clothing?" Auron's eyebrows rose. At the rate they were going, it wouldn't be long before they declared independence from his face.

It was Braska's turn to flush. "No, not that – Yevon's mercy! I take issue with your assumption that I'm incapable of handling our money!"

Rikku sent Braska a disbelieving look; Auron mirrored it. "Um... but can you really? Not that it wasn't sweet and all, but I figure getting me my own room didn't come cheap?"

In fact, she knew it hadn't; Auron had had to split the previous day's profit into five – one for each of them, and a final share for their all-consuming debt.

Braska shifted uncomfortably. "An opportunity to settle our monetary obligations will eventually present itself, I'm sure."

Auron twitched. "Your faith in other people is very strong, if not a bit misplaced, my lord."

Rikku winced at the sudden formality. She was starting to realize Auron only used the honorifics when he was reaching his limits. Uh-oh.

It was almost as if a chilly breeze blew between the two men. Somewhere in the distance, a lonely chocobo warbled.

After a long moment, Braska sagged and offered his proverbial white flag. "Fine. Maybe you are correct. I admit my spending habits are, at times, a bit poorly informed..."

Auron grunted.

"... terribly uninformed, rather," Braska corrected, "but that does not mean I cannot help us earn the money we require. I'm simply saying I wish to contribute."

"So you wanna come fiend hunting with us? You could've just said so and saved Auron's forehead some wrinkles!" Rikku rolled her eyes in exasperation. "It's fine by me – the more the merrier!"

Braska's smile returned in full force. "Thank you, Rikku! I promise, I won't disappoint you."

Auron crossed his arms. "That is not what I would be disappointed about," he muttered, gazing at Rikku.

She blinked at him.

He blinked back.

Oh. Ooooh. Apparently this was another thing Auron had wanted to do with her – and only her. To her, spending an entire day up to her elbows in fiends' torsos seemed more like torture than a date, but trust Auron to think the opposite. He's so bad at this; it's almost cute. It might have been more cute if the area they'd canvassed yesterday hadn't been infested with floating eyes. Rikku suppressed her shudder and vowed to teach Jecht how to steal.

Finally, Auron sighed. "Of course, my lord. It will be good training for you." He managed a thin-lipped smile. "I'll make sure of it."

"And for Jecht as well," Braska hastily amended, sensing the impending danger. "Perhaps we can learn to work more effectively as a team."

"Nice save, Braska," Rikku observed. "Now you just have to sell the idea to Jecht!"

"I'll just excuse myself to find him then," Braska replied, trying to retreat from Auron's ire.

" 'Ey!" Jecht hollered. "There you all are! I been lookin' for you guys!" He waved, jogging towards them.

Braska's smile fell. "Ah. Jecht. How fortunate that you stumbled over us just now."

Rikku went to return his wave before freezing, suddenly nervous. Jecht didn't look any worse for wear, but you couldn't always tell with him. What if he was still mad at her? Well, only one way to find out. Raising her hand, she shouted, "Heya! Everything good?"

Jecht looked at Auron. "According to the Stiff's face, I'm doing better than y'all!" He gave Rikku a look which she translated as, 'Everything's shit, but what'cha gonna do about it?' It could've been worse – then again, this was Jecht. He was already waggling his eyebrows at her. "I'm fine. You know me: Jecht, the invincible!"

Braska and Auron glanced between them. "Did something happen last night?" Braska asked.

Jecht smirked, crossing his arms and leaning back. "Wouldn't you like to know? I can have secrets too, man. I've got hidden depths!"

"That's – " Auron began, undoubtedly with a barbed observation. Rikku shook her head and made a slashing motion across her throat. " – not the phrase I would have chosen," he finished.

"Y'know, sometimes I think Blondie makin' ya more chatty was a mistake." Jecht popped his neck. "But we're gettin' off track! I got somethin' important to tell you all!"

"What news are you so eager to bring us today?" Braska asked.

Jecht punched his palm. "We gotta rescue the chocobos here, pronto!"

"I wasn't aware the chocobos needed saving," Braska said.

"That's the thing!" Jecht pressed on. "If we don't do somethin', they're gonna turn into monster chow! Think of them poor widdle birdies," he trailed off, before cooing mournfully.

"Hidden depths," Auron repeated.

Jecht ignored him. "See, I was askin' around 'bout renting more chocobos – "

"Ah-ha!" Braska interjected. Everyone swivelled to look at him. "...Jecht is also unaccustomed to dealing with the costs of this Pilgrimage! Even I know we could not possibly afford to rent chocobos!"

"What? Oh, naw, I meant the folks at the agency offered us a sweet deal. We nip their monster problem in the bud, they lend us some chocobos for free!" He laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "How else would we pay for it? Ain't like we got any gil lyin' around after you blew it all on Rikku's room, right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Jecht," Braska said, grin frozen and brittle on his face. "Please, continue with this idea of yours."

Jecht paused, before scowling at Auron and Braska. "Look, if you all are actin' funny 'cause Blondie's in a swimsuit, lighten up! You don't gotta fight like a pair of midfielders! There's enough of a view to go around." He grinned at Rikku. "Nice rack, by the way! You should let it out more often."

Rikku sat up and pointed at Auron. "See? Even Jecht thinks my boobs are a fine size, you big meanie!"

A beat passed, and then Jecht tilted his head. "Did he really...?" he asked, his tone incredulous.

"He did," Braska agreed, serenely.

"Man, do I gotta teach you everythin' about women?" Jecht exploded in disbelief. "How much ground do you expect me to cover here? Do you even know how babies are made? 'Cause at this rate you ain't gonna find out! A bro can only do so much!"

Auron groaned. "Just drop it and tell us about this monster."

"Oooo….kay." With another dubious look at Auron, Jecht continued. "So there's this fiend that's been attackin' the chocobos. I was thinkin' we could take care of it, maybe even make huntin' it into one of them sphere things for the kids." He brightened. "Adventure, y'know? Chocobos, scary monsters, and big damn heroes savin' the day!"

Braska nodded. "An excellent idea! Yuna would love it. Rikku, do you have a free sphere?"

Rikku frowned. She vaguely remembered Yuna's tales of fighting a Chocobo Eater during the Pilgrimage. That happened before she'd joined up; apparently it hadn't ended well for any of them. Not that it mattered; Rikku had her own memories of a certain Anything Eater taking too much of a liking to her Samurai dressphere.

Well. If this was anything like that fiend or the one that could take out Yuna's entire party of Guardians – including Auron – she wasn't going to mess with it. "Count me out," she decided.

Auron sighed in relief. "You're right, this isn't our problem – "

"No, I'm with Jecht, I think this is a great idea!" Rikku corrected him. "You boys go have your fun. I just happen to have a real date," she glared at Auron, "with the sun today."

"Burn!" Jecht hooted, clapping Auron on the shoulder. Auron's dangerous gaze dropped to the point of contact, and Jecht removed the offending hand. "Uh, I was talkin' to Rikku. Since she's, uh, not helpin' us, yeah." He turned to Rikku and flapped his arms. "I hope you burn! And it peels off your tan!"

"Don't act like fiend bait in my sun spot," Rikku scolded Jecht, reaching for her belt pouch. With a little rummaging, she found her prize and held it out to Auron. "And here you go! A brand new sphere, ready for recording. Knock yourselves out!"

Auron looked down at the sphere in Rikku's outstretched hand. "What part of this idea – no, this entire day – is great?" he asked. "I knew we should have set off for Luca immediately."

Rikku softened, feeling a little sorry for Auron. She tugged his arm down and placed the sphere into his hand. "Stop panicking," she told him.

"I don't panic," Auron replied gruffly, refusing to meet her eyes. He made no move to take the sphere.

"Look. You called my boobs small, and I'm still talking to you. It's okay to make mistakes sometimes! That's how we learn, right?" She pressed the sphere into his hand insistently. "Just keep trying. Not only with me. With everything, you know? If you think you've made a mistake, move forward and look for better answers for the next time."

Auron took the sphere from her hand. His fingers brushed hers. "I'll try," he said, standing up and switching the sphere on. "Where do we start?" He held the recorder up, taking in their surroundings.

"A giant fiend that attacks chocobos…" Braska mused. "It must be attracted by the tamed ones in the corral. They would be easy prey."

"What's it waitin' for?" Jecht cupped his hands over his mouth and yelled. " 'ey! Come out and fight!"

Auron groaned. "This is a waste of time."

Jecht stopped shouting and scowled. " 'ey, come on! It's the right thing to do! Everyone's depending on us." Braska approached him, staff already in hand. Jecht grinned and shrugged. " 'Sides, it's good practice."

Unexpectedly, Auron chuckled. "I guess you're right," he relented, relaxing with a smile.

Braska's expression also lightened. "Well then – "

A series of panicked cries cut off whatever else he might've said; a flock of speeding chocobos thundered past, kicking up clouds of dust. Auron fumbled and dropped the sphere.

Coughing and sputtering, everyone tried to wave the dust away.

"I think that was – " Braska's words ended in a shout.

A fiend, nearly as big as the travel agency itself, burst through the clouds of dust. It was ugly – all fists and teeth and no neck to speak of – and its split jaw was open, twin tongues lolling out. Flecks of saliva splattered everywhere – and everyone – as it ran past, hot on the heels of the fleeing chocobos.

Jecht gave chase, unsheathing his sword. "There it is! Auron! Let's get 'im!"

"Right." Auron drew his own sword and took off after the other man.

Braska was quick to follow, pausing only to pick up and turn off the sphere Auron had dropped. "Wish us luck, Rikku. Are you sure you won't come along?"

"Dream on," Rikku answered, brushing herself off with her scarf. "Chocobos and fiend spit aren't going to stop me from having a vaycay. I earned this!" She sniffed. "Good luck though," she added, making a shooing motion. "Hurry up before you lose them!"

With a final nod, Braska grasped his staff and followed the other two. Rikku watched him disappear, feeling a momentary twinge of doubt, considering Auron's disastrous future experience with the fiend. "They'll be fine," she told herself firmly, flopping back down on her roll.

The dust was settling and the chocobos, the fiends, and even her chatty companions were finally gone. The sound of ocean waves lapping against the shore filled the air, and a few insects buzzed nearby. Soon, the soothing heat and gentle noise lulled Rikku to sleep.

.x.x.x.

A soft voice roused her. "Rikku."

Rikku blinked muzzily. "Auron?" She rubbed her eyes. "Back already?"

"I couldn't leave you," he admitted, kneeling beside her. "Not after what I said." He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he added, voice deep. His lips brushed ever-so-softly across her knuckles. Rikku's heart pounded. "Even if Yuna's and Paine's are larger, your breasts are more than enough for me."

Huh. "That was pretty direct," Rikku said, off-balance.

"So is this," Auron replied, leaning over her. His face descended towards hers, eyes dark and full of promise. "Rikku," he groaned.

"Oh, Auron!" Rikku breathed, closing her eyes and puckering her lips.

"Rikku!" he said again, and this time he sounded more distant. And less intimate. And maybe a little more panicked.

Ignoring the noise, she pursed her lips harder. Any minute now. Auron opened his mouth again, and boy did he need to brush his teeth. But, that was okay, because he was this close to finally delivering and –

"GRAWRARGH?"

Rikku opened her eyes and looked at the large, purple tongue waving overhead. A moistened chocobo feather drifted downward and landed on her chest.

The Chocobo Eater was staring at her, confused. It snapped its massive jaw closed and pointed at itself with one huge, taloned finger. "GWARARA?"

Rikku screamed and released a Fire spell directly into its face.

"WORST DREAM EVER!" she yelled, backrolling to her feet. She fumbled for her garment grid before remembering where it was – lying on the ground next to her sleeves and scarf, discarded in the name of sun worship.

"Yikes," Rikku gasped, skipping back a few paces until she was teetering at the edge of the cliff. Somehow it didn't seem quite as scary this time around. "I guess Sin ruined me for Chocobo Eaters," she grumbled, finding her footing and slipping into her battle crouch. She catalogued her resources quickly – no Godhand, no daggers, no garment grid, no spheres. Alright, so almost nothing, she thought, holding up her fists.

The Chocobo Eater mirrored her and seemed to laugh, and with good reason. A single one of its hands was already bigger than her entire body.

Still, "almost" meant there was a chance, and Rikku was good at taking chances. Silently thanking Lulu once again, she let a small flame flicker to life in her hands and bounced on her heels. "Hit me with your best shot!" she challenged.

The Chocobo Eater looked miffed and pointed at her ominously.

"Or better yet, don't!" she amended, looking at the fiend's raised fist.

Thankfully, Jecht, Auron, and Braska caught up to Rikku's unexpected sun-and-fun party with the carnivorous fiend.

"Gotcha!" Jecht yelled. "Oh, hey Blondie!" he added. "Sorry, didn't mean to herd it all the way back here!"

"Rikku! Are you all right?" Braska asked, concern writ across his face.

Auron pointed his sword at the fiend. "Did you just try to kiss that thing?" he demanded.

Damn Auron and his eagle eyes! Rikku sulked. "I thought it was someone else, alright?" she said defensively, throwing a bit of Fire towards the fiend's feet to drive it away.

"Your last boyfriend must've been one ugly bastard," Jecht observed, racing in to distract it – which drove the Chocobo Eater back towards Rikku's side of the cliff.

"I was napping!" Rikku yelled back, before lighting another small spell under the monster's feet. It leapt back towards the men, squealing. "Can't you hunt it somewhere else? This was my spot first!"

Auron slammed his sword into the fiend's knees, knocking it flat on its back and sending it sliding towards her in a spin. "Don't avoid the question! How could you mistake that thing for m – for someone you would kiss?"

Braska sent him a knowing look. Jecht just snickered.

"GRWARARARARARAAARRRG!" The fiend jackknifed back onto its feet and pointed a meaty finger towards the nearest target – which happened to be Braska. It narrowed its beady little eyes, promising, "You're next!" to the Summoner.

Braska abruptly stopped laughing. "Ahh… I don't suppose someone else can take that punch?"

"Think of it as training," Auron growled and ducked as the fiend's fist flew towards them. He managed to somewhat deflect the creature's aim with the broadside of his sword; Braska dodged the fiend's talons in an awkward flail of flying robes.

"That was cold, man," Jecht noted, taking the opportunity to land another solid hit on the Chocobo Eater, tipping it over once more. "You still mad at him?"

Auron didn't reply, instead batting the fiend towards the cliffside with his sword. "Let's knock it over the edge!"

Rikku waved her arms frantically, still trapped on the wrong side of the huge – if now mostly harmless – Chocobo Eater. "What the heck? I'M STILL OVER HERE, YOU KNOW!"

"Oh!" Braska stood up, robes askew. "We need to rescue Rikku!"

"Rescue me? Rescue yourselves, you mean!" Rikku yelled. "I TOLD you guys I needed a vaycay! And that was a really, really good dream!" She punctuated each word with another explosive Fire spell, bumping the hapless fiend several meters back towards them, which allowed her to reach her belt. "In fact," she continued, snapping it on. The tingle of the magic enhancement ran up and down her spine, and she sent the others a nasty smile. "Let me help you knock it off that cliff!" She launched into an arcane chant.

Braska blanched. "Auron," he said nervously, searching for an exit. "Maybe you should apologize to Rikku. Perhaps knocking it off the cliffside is not the best of plans?"

"She's resourceful. She'll live."

"Yeah, maybe," Jecht agreed, taking a cautious step backwards. "But there ain't nothin' like the temper of an angry woman. Got doubts if YOU'LL live, ya know?"

"GRWARAWAR," the Chocobo Eater agreed miserably, waving its tiny feet in the air.

Auron whacked his sword against the fiend, volleying it towards Rikku like a gigantic living blitzball. "If you hadn't worn that outfit today I wouldn't have said anything!"

Rikku blasted the Chocobo Eater back towards Auron with a high-powered Fira spell. "You mean you'd just be thinking it!" she shouted back, over the fiend's flailing arms.

Auron drove his sword into the ground in frustration. "That is not what I meant! Why must you insist on misunderstanding me?"

Having had enough, the Chocobo Eater flipped back onto its feet and tried to beat a stealthy retreat into the bushes. Even it seemed to know better than to get caught in the middle of a lover's spat.

Rikku herself didn't particularly care, as she finally had an open line of sight towards Auron. "Because you don't even try to understand me!" she shot back. "These are my clothes, okay? Deal with them! And who thinks of fiend hunting as a first date, huh?"

Both Braska and Jecht stared. Even the Chocobo Eater froze and looked at Auron.

Seething, Auron yanked his sword out of the ground. "I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?" he yelled, charging the retreating fiend.

"GWAR?"

Sliding to a stop, he swung his sword, batting the fiend over the cliffside and out towards the water with a Shooting Star. The sound of the Chocobo Eater's howling faded. It twinkled in the sky once before landing with the faintest whisper of a plink into the distant ocean.

Jecht whistled. "Maybe it'll find that blitzball you lost in Bevelle," he noted.

Panting, Auron turned around and sheathed his sword, looking at Rikku. "I'm new at this," he said simply.

"... I suppose this takes care of the bounty," Braska cut in. He pulled at a reluctant Jecht and shoved him down the road. "Why don't you and I visit the agency and see to collecting our reward?"

"Right," Jecht drawled, smirking at Auron and Rikku as they left.

The sun was starting to set – Rikku'd been napping for longer than she'd thought – and she approached Auron, coming to a stop when they were nearly face-to-face. She flashed him a tiny, uncomfortable smile. "So… I got a little mad there, I guess." Then she leaned on one hip. "You did try to drop me off a cliff. Got anything to say for yourself?"

Auron gave her a serious look. "I am sorry. I meant no insult... to your chest, or your choice of clothing." Then he looked at her again, lips twitching upwards. "And you do look good."

Rikku beamed, irritation falling away. "It's cool. Maybe you're really not that smooth after all." She gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder. "It makes you less intimidating!"

Auron caught her hand and pulled it away. "I'm not sure I like that," he joked. "I hardly garner any respect among the rest of you as it is."

"You don't need us to be afraid of you," Rikku replied, doing a victory jig. It was slightly more ridiculous looking than usual, considering that Auron was still holding her hand, thereby forcing him to swing his arm to her dancing. "We like you enough to make fun of you. Isn't that a good feeling?"

Auron rolled his eyes. "Oh yes. Very warm and fuzzy on the inside. Perhaps you'll catch me weaving friendship bracelets for us next." He pulled Rikku in and planted a kiss against her forehead, expression gentling. "Today was… fun."

"Even without me?" Rikku pouted, still swinging his arm.

Auron squeezed her hand, looking out over the ocean. "There is something to be said for simply enjoying yourself. Braska has always told me to live for the moment." He shook his head. "Maybe he's right."

"About some things," Rikku hummed in agreement. "Promise me you won't read any of his poetry if he offers, though," she added as an afterthought.

Auron looked at her curiously. "I can guarantee nothing," he replied, tugging her towards the travel agency.

"Wait a sec!" Rikku pulled away and rushed back to her now-ruined sunning spot to gather her things. "You know, you just guaranteed us a free chocobo ride to Luca, which means we'll breeze by all the fiends on the Highroad." She finished packing, stood up, and peered at him, bedroll under one arm. "But stop worrying about the money! We'll be fine; I have a plan."

"A plan?" Auron repeated. A vague look of horror crept into his expression. "You, a master thief... Have a plan to make money... In a large city." He paused. "Are you about to make us wanted criminals?"

Rikku scowled and marched past him, holding her head high. "Hey! My plans are foolproof! It's a good one, I swear, and perfectly legal too!" ...I think.

Taking one last, wistful look out over the peaceful ocean vista, Auron sighed heavily. "Why do I have a bad feeling about this?"