39: The Ruin
Rikku grimaced as she squeezed past another damp rock. The hallway may have been comfortable in its original pristine state, but after the temple's collapse, it was little more than twisting, narrow passages clogged by broken stone and destroyed supports.
After a small eternity in the darkness, the path opened into a pitch black chamber. She called a Fire spell to her hand and lifted it above her head. "Wow," she whistled as the guttering flame dimly lit their surroundings. The ornately decorated room continued endlessly upwards, farther than her light could reach. Grotesque wooden sculptures graced the bases of the undamaged pillars; their beady, carved eyes silently judged her for the intrusion. The air was moist and water streamed from multiple cracks in the wall, draining into several sloping paths leading away from the circular room.
"This place is bigger than I thought it'd be," Rikku said. Her words echoed, bouncing off the dark walls. The Baaj ruins were not exactly new territory – after all, she and Brother had rescued Tidus and salvaged the Fahrenheit here, not to mention visiting with Yuna during her Pilgrimage. But by that point, Baaj had been submerged for nearly a decade. The current, freshly-ravaged temple interior was just beginning its ten-year journey to the ocean floor.
"Such a loss," Braska murmured, surveying the ruins. "I visited here once on my way to Bikanel. Though I was unable to fully explore it, the main hall was a masterpiece on its own." He touched one of the nearby pillars. "So fleeting is the work of man."
She sent her Fire spell upward, but it winked out before making contact with anything. "I think we're underwater," she noted thoughtfully. "I really hope these walls are sturdy."
"Yevon built its altars to last," Braska told her. "There seem to be several passages leading from this room." He pointed to one of the drainage paths. "A trial by maze, perhaps?"
Rikku ripped another bow off her sleeve and tied it around the jutting beak of a statue near the entrance. "Hopefully not," she replied. Then, doing her best to ignore the spooky atmosphere, she cracked her knuckles. "We need to sweep this room, then take the passages one by one. This is a Yevonite temple, so maybe there'll be a summoner's staff lying around somewhere."
"We can hope," he agreed. "But we shall need a more stable light source than your flame if we are to have any chance of success."
"Hmm…" She rooted through her supplies for a recording sphere.
"A film, now? Not that the idea does not have merit, but…"
Rikku flipped through the sphere controls; it winked to life with a faint blue glow. "I can modify this," she said, putting it on the ground and digging through her pouch. "I just need to up the power supply with something like… huh, this lightning marble looks pretty good…"
Fingers working quickly, she cracked open the sphere. Careful not to spill the precious water it contained, she minutely adjusted the wiring. Finally, snapping the device together again, she crossed her fingers.
"Here goes nothing!" She hit a button and the sphere buzzed to life, flooding the room with a much stronger blue glow than normal. Smirking, she twirled her tooling knife between her fingers. "I'm too good at this."
"I suppose that will do," Braska said, picking the sphere up. "Is this… recording us right now?" He squinted at it in suspicion.
"It has to. The marble's wired to the central controls directly. I bypassed the main switch because if I put it on the power toggle it'd just blow the whole circuit – "
Braska blinked.
" – I lost you at marble, didn't I?" Rikku finished.
"It provides light. That is more than enough for me to know. Thank you."
"It should work underwater, too," she added, circling the room. "Which we're gonna need. Most of our exits look flooded already."
Frustration passed over Braska's face. "Do not take on the burden of this search alone."
Rikku absently pulled at her goggles, trying to remember the sunken temple she'd explored with Yuna. She couldn't help but smile at the memories – although Yuna and most of her Guardians were weak swimmers, they'd still made it through the submerged passage. Maybe with a little too much clandestine "air sharing" between the couples. Wakka and Lulu had seemed to enjoy themselves nearly as much as Tidus and Yuna; at that point in their journey, though, the latter two had pretty much made out whenever and wherever they wanted to.
Huh. Auron had actually managed pretty well on his own down there, waiving the need for breathing assistance. Of course, as a dead guy, he probably didn't breathe anyway. She hadn't paid much attention at the time, being forced into point guard as Tidus and Wakka ferried the rest of their party through. Auron had proved himself surprisingly competent underwater, to Tidus' relief. "It was hard enough giving mouth-to-mouth to Kimahri," Tidus had admitted afterwards.
Maybe I did – do? – teach Auron how to swim, Rikku thought, hope blossoming in her chest. If he could swim when he came here with Yuna's party, it meant he had survived Sin's attack on the Pualu. Then, she mentally slapped herself. Why am I worried? I already know what happens to everyone here! I know Auron, Braska and Jecht will still complete the Pilgrimage – and eventually die. Right?
"Rikku?" Braska had planted the light sphere in the center of the room and was now close, staring in concern. She hadn't heard him approaching, too lost in her thoughts. "You've been standing there for a while now. Is something wrong?"
Everything, she wanted to say. Everything's wrong, and there's nothing I can do about it. Or is there? The question that had haunted her since the beginning came into glaring focus in the cold blue light of the sphere. There was nowhere to hide down here, no distractions to turn away her doubts. And what about Sin? Can I alter history? Can I really be that selfish?
Braska's concern was turning into full-blown worry; it did little to ease her unsettled thoughts.
He's already dead. And I have to let it happen.
"Rikku?" Braska repeated anxiously.
She shook her head, braids flying; Braska retreated a step.
Focus, Rikku! Focus! He's not going to die yet. Not here, not now. We need to get out of here, no matter what it takes. The thought gave her the room to breathe again; it was easier to deal with her immediate problems than wrestle with the destiny-altering ones. That's right! I brought Braska here. This is my fault, so it's my responsibility to fix it.
He'd asked earlier about helping out, hadn't he? "I think you can come along," she answered him, avoiding his searching gaze and falling easily back into her role as a deep-sea salvager. "Either they'll connect to more rooms like this one or just be dead ends. It shouldn't take too long to explore this place – the temple didn't look that big from the outside. Did you already finish checking out this room?"
He caught her arm as she tried to brush past him. "Stop," he said quietly. "What secret are you hiding that is so terrible you can't share it with me? No one else is here, and I won't continue to ignore your misery simply to spare your pride."
She shook free and glared at Braska. "What about you? You're the one made of butterflies, rainbows, and sharp bits of broken glass."
His expression fell slightly. "Every summoner is broken in one way or another. We wouldn't be who we are otherwise."
"If you won't let me help you, you don't get to help me either," she answered him.
Carefully, Braska pushed her back against a pillar, face solemn. "Why did you stop just now, after I voiced my concern for you? Why do you look as though your world is breaking apart simply because I care?" He dipped his head slightly, his voice lowered. "Are you really so distraught over Auron? Him alone?"
Rikku turned her head away, angry that she couldn't conjure a rational solution to an irrational problem. And to top it all off, Braska's incessant probing was grating on her nerves. Why did he have to force her to have any sort of feelings for him at all? Everything was easier when he was just the distant, fuzzy image of Yuna's dad. "I don't want you to die," she finally said. She fixed her eyes on him, calculating. Can I change the future? Can I use Braska's feelings to save everyone? Silencing the tiny voice screaming in her head, she lifted her chin. "If I'd just kiss you, hold you in my arms, and tell you all the lies you want to hear, would you stop your Pilgrimage?"
Braska tilted his head. "Only if they weren't lies."
As she opened her mouth to reply, he closed the distance between them. Hungry lips pressed against her own. She squeaked in surprise – he swallowed the sound eagerly.
Wait, this wasn't what I –
"I will find your truth," he mouthed before diving back into the wild kiss. Unlike Auron, Braska didn't hesitate. His tongue, searing and desperate, plied insistently against her lips until they parted again. He seized her face, then dragged his hands downwards to outline her collarbones. Nothing was sacred to his questing fingers; they trailed over the fabric of her skimpy top and then along the line of her ribs, his thumbs lingering briefly against the outer curves of her breasts.
His urgent kisses chased her, ferociously waking the hunger that Auron had slowly built in her and offering an easy path to release. She found herself responding, leaning into the caress despite her surprise.
"You are Al Bhed, through and through," Braska murmured against her cheek as he broke away, his breath short and heavy.
Coming from anyone else, that might have been an insult. But he knew. He'd married into her people. He understood how the Al Bhed were taught to approach their sexuality – openly, with honesty, as a basic part of their nature. Life is short, take what you will while you can.
Braska attached his mouth to the juncture of her neck, suckling the flesh there. His fingers brushed a path over her belly and hooked into the low waist of her skirt, pulling her flush against him. He pushed a small curative spell into her skin – the low whisper of his voice against her neck and the spark of magic felt like being electrocuted underwater. But it wasn't pain that tickled her nerve endings this time.
"You're more Al Bhed than I am," she mumbled, seeing stars when he rolled his hips against her. It was the hottest kiss she'd ever shared with anyone in her life. It was a kiss with Yuna's dad. It was her dry-humping someone who wasn't Auron.
Rikku tore away from Braska and covered her mouth, pressing her thighs together.
The memory of Auron's words came back to haunt her now. Haven't you wondered what it must be like for two people to give of themselves so completely? It's an act that can consume a man and commit him to a path of self-destruction.
Her fingers trembled against her swollen lips. No! Not with Braska! It's not supposed to be like this – not with Braska!
Braska sank against the pillar he'd trapped her against, cushioning his forehead with his arm. The fingers of his free hand curled as though he was still touching her, trembling. One eye met hers, dark and hungry. "I want," he said, voice rough.
"I can't," Rikku shot back, her hands still covering her mouth. "This is so wrong! Really, cosmically wrong!"
"Your body disagrees," he observed, his eyes unabashedly roving across her. Then he paused and laughed. "Cosmic? You need to call upon the heavens to describe our experience?" His eyes sparkled with delight as he grinned at her. "Does this mean I was very good, or very bad?"
"This isn't a joke!" Rikku spat out. "Why'd you kiss me?"
"Why didn't you simply cast me aside?" Braska asked, sobering. "You're stronger than I am in every way, except in this desire we share. You felt something as well, don't deny that."
She closed her eyes and gripped her hair, using the pain to chase away the aftereffects of their impromptu makeout session. "It felt good. Very good," she admitted. "But still wrong! This isn't about sex!" Probably really, really good sex, her traitorous mind supplied.
Braska straightened with a small smile of triumph.
She looked at him askance. "I just rejected you again. Why are you so happy?"
"If you were to kiss me, hold me in your arms, and whisper things I wish to hear, then they mustn't be lies." He gave her a wry smile. "Now I know you do feel something beyond desire. Thank you for that much."
That didn't go according to plan, Rikku thought, struggling to formulate a response.
He laughed at her look, dropping his head back to the pillar. "I promised I wouldn't force you," he muttered. "But I believe I'll need some time before we can continue our search. You may wait outside, at the entrance."
"Why?" She frowned. "What are you planning?"
He smiled, but the heat in his eyes didn't abate. "Would you like to remain and find out? Your presence could be of great assistance."
She opened and closed her mouth a few times, feeling herself turn so red she probably looked purple in the light of the sphere. "I think I'll pass, yeah," she said, voice soaring into previously-unknown octaves. She scooted towards the exit, short of outright fleeing. "Just come for me when you're done." She paused, then felt her blush quadruplify. Wait a sec. "Uh! Uh, I meant – !"
Braska was laughing at her again.
Alright, Baaj can sink right now and take me down with it, she thought furiously, her cheeks burning. She dashed away, leaving him to take care of his pressing business. Ugh, enough with the puns! Rikku slapped her cheeks and picked up her pace towards the ruined corridor. She paused, then giggled madly.
We forgot about the recording sphere in there. Oopsie?
.x.x.x.
The atmosphere was stilted, to say the least. Braska appeared to be slightly more relaxed – no wonder, Rikku couldn't stop herself from thinking – while she felt too tightly wound.
At the moment, he was using the lit sphere to inspect the wall, kicking aside rubble as he searched for something useful. She'd ignited another Fire spell, preferring to hold the flame rather than sharing the sphere light and getting close to him.
When he finally finished his search and approached her, she startled and her tiny flame erupted into a roar that nearly singed a few locks of her hair. Braska gave her a knowing, amused look; she clenched her hand and ended the spell.
"I didn't find anything," she told him.
"I was also unsuccessful," he admitted. "I fear we're going to have to brave one of the underwater passages. Do you have any thoughts?"
Rikku was of the personal opinion that she had more thoughts than she could contain, but she tried to narrow them down to the temple's layout. "I poked around a little outside while you were… uh…"
"Otherwise engaged," Braska supplied with a charming smile. "What did you find?"
She glared. "Well, in all the other temples I've seen, the antechambers usually have at least two storage and supply rooms for the priests and nuns to use. I bet if we stuck to our immediate left or right, we might find something."
"Hmm." Braska rubbed his chin. "In my recollection, Baaj was designed a bit differently. The entire temple was restructured after the loss of the Fayth. It was said there was quite a library maintained here," he added with a note of pained regret.
"Waterlogged books aren't gonna help you summon anything," she reminded him.
He nodded. "We have very little to go on. I suppose we should just work our way around the room from one side to the other."
Finally! She grabbed onto the sense of purpose like a lifeline. "Great!"
"That's our first candidate, then," he told her, pointing.
"'Our'?" she repeated in disbelief. "What 'our'? You can barely swim!"
Braska stepped closer. "I'm not leaving you to explore this temple alone." He raised his hand to silence her protest. "No, hear me out, please. I know you're more than competent on your own, but I, too, want to feel useful. Let me at least hold the light sphere so your hands will be free."
Biting her lip, Rikku weighed her options. Braska would severely limit her time underwater, but he was already showing signs of cracking under pressure; maybe giving him the chance to help out would take his mind off of things. Like her.
Pushing aside her misgivings, she nodded. "Fine, let's do it!" She groaned and tugged at her hair. "No, I mean – !"
Braska shook his head in disbelief. "Ladies first," he offered, gesturing towards the sunken passage.
She donned her goggles and waded into the water. Braska followed, the light from the sphere reflecting off of the walls.
Mentally counting the seconds, Rikku dove and followed the snaking passage until she saw a glint of natural light. A wall had collapsed, allowing sunlight to filter in from the open sea above. Her guard went up as she cautiously stuck her head out and glanced around. Access to the temple's exterior would only mean one thing: fiends were sure to be lurking around somewhere.
She glanced back at Braska, who seemed to be thinking the same thing. He frowned, shook his head, and motioned for her to keep exploring.
Not giving up? Fine. Continuing her countdown, she beckoned him onward. They returned to the darkened passage, following it until another collapsed wall made the rest of the route impassable. Pursing her lips, Rikku twirled her finger and turned around.
Rather than following her instructions, Braska paddled awkwardly past her. She soon saw why – a small school of piranhas trailed him. They'd likely sighted her through the crack in the outer wall and followed them.
One… five… seven. Not too bad, she thought, wasting no time in charging the closest ones. They broke off into two clusters, but she managed to clip one, splitting it easily into pyreflies. A webbed cocoon of light formed around her as she sought out another target; she shot Braska a disbelieving glance.
Protect? Really? What is he thinking? Not that she didn't appreciate the sentiment – especially as one of the piranha's sharp teeth glanced off of her arm rather than nicking it. But spellcasting meant speaking, and as she well knew, casting underwater sacrificed precious air. Revising her countdown, she swam after the remaining fiends, opting for speed over finesse as she popped them like soap bubbles. She didn't stop when the last fiend fell to her graceless swipe, instead surging towards Braska and grabbing his arm. Using the wall as a springboard, she dragged him through the water, wincing as they hit the sides of the tunnel during her rushed escape.
Probably not gonna make it back to where we started. She pushed them straight out through the cracked wall and towards the surface. As expected, Braska was already beginning to falter, his expression growing strained. Rikku plucked the light sphere out of his hands and pocketed it, not willing to sacrifice what little supplies they had if Braska lost control of his body.
A little drowning won't kill him, right?
He gasped, expelling bubbles.
Damn it.
She stopped swimming and pulled Braska around. Once again she squeezed his nose shut – this time pinching as hard as possible – then pressed her mouth to his and pushed air into his lungs.
He hugged her when she tried to pull her head back, though he didn't transform the maneuver into what she had feared – another kiss. Still, she released him with an acute sense of discomfort, intensely aware of how he'd managed to imbue what should have been a clinical move into something with more meaning.
She pushed away with a wounded look and then continued to the surface on her own, not waiting to see if he followed. He can make do with the air he's got now.
"Rikku," Braska gasped when he surfaced beside her.
She slapped water at him, wishing it was an extension of her hand. "Why'd you cast that spell? You can't even swim that well!"
"I wanted to help you," he said quietly.
"You're not helping!" she yelled, pulling off her goggles in frustration. "You're driving me out of my mind! All this… touching, and looking, and … you know, doing stuff!"
"Perhaps we should exit the water before we discuss this further?" He gestured towards the temple.
"No!" Rikku wailed, hitting the water again. "You're just gonna look some more with those laser eyes and make me all clumsy and self-conscious again!"
"Why would you feel that way?" Braska swam closer, ignoring her tantrum. "You're a beautiful woman. The grace of your body is surpassed only by the sharpness of your mind. There's nothing for you to feel self-conscious about."
She boggled at him, even as she tried not to blush. "Nothing? What about that whole disasterrific kiss?"
"Disasterrific?" Braska repeated with a small grin.
"Ugh!" she said, slapping the water one more time. "I can't even talk to you – "
The water slapped back.
"Uh oh," she mumbled as the ridged back of a large fiend surfaced near them. Maybe Braska was right about this whole land thing.
"That does not look like a piranha," Braska noted as he valiantly dog paddled away from it.
"Don't look! Swim! Swim!" she shrieked, recognizing the danger as the fiend's back swirled above the surface in a lazy arc towards them.
She grabbed Braska by the back of his shirt and pulled as she sped towards a segment of the temple wall low enough for them to climb over. "Up, up, up!" she shouted, then dove under his feet and pushed with her shoulders to give him a boost.
"What are you do-aah!" Braska yelped. She heard him land with a painful-sounding crunch on the other side and shrugged. He's a white mage, he can deal.
Then she looked back and shrieked, this time flinging herself at the stone and scrabbling up it like a crazed monkey. She crested the top, panting, and glanced back down into the water.
The fiend's ridges extended into spikes, which shivered before slowly dipping back below the water's surface as silently as they had arrived. "That thing's still around?" she muttered, watching the Geosgaeno's shadow retreat into the depths. Well, now I guess we know why there aren't any other big fiends here.
She clambered down into the interior of the temple much more cautiously and looked over Braska. His hands were cupped over his nose, the telltale glow of healing magic fading. "Sorry about your face," she told him sheepishly. "I think we're in trouble though."
"What was that thing, to send you into such a panic?" he asked, wiping blood off his chin. "You've been more than competent with your Celestial Weapon alone thus far."
She shuddered. "It's an old frenemy. I was its lunch once until my friends busted me out of its stomach. Not doing that again any time soon!" She swore. "And it means trying to build a raft and sailing out of here is out of the question. That thing is big enough to swallow us whole if we tried."
Braska slumped. "I can't stand being this powerless!"
She jumped, surprised at the rancor in his voice. "Not powerless. You've got my belt," she reminded him.
"Which I can't use in water!" he shouted.
She flinched.
He dropped his head to his knees. "I can't summon. I can't have you. I can't even fight to protect you. Failure after failure. And to think, I aspire to defeat Sin."
Rikku fidgeted uncomfortably. "Hey, look. It's not as bad as you think. We haven't finished exploring the temple yet. We might still find something useful!"
"You might find something," Braska corrected her wearily. "I'll only be a liability, as I've already proven. I truly am less than nothing here."
He was bent in defeat, and she was reminded of how he'd acted after their battle with the sinspawn near Mushroom Rock. "You're not weak. Strength isn't always about who can fight the best, you know."
Braska didn't answer, climbing to his feet and pacing. "We need to continue the search. I must find something… anything that will allow me to summon."
"I don't think so!" she replied. "Sorry, but you're a wreck. You won't do any good diving the way you are right now."
He spun towards her, hands clenched. "Are you trying to make me feel better?"
"I'm still trying to do what I started on the ship – keep you alive!"
She spotted the raised ridges of the Geosgaeno, circling around the temple.
Shaking herself, she tried to focus. "We need to go inside," she added in a much lower undertone. "I'm not sure if that fiend can travel outside of the water, but we really don't wanna find out."
The return to the central chamber of the Cloister was tense and silent. The afternoon was still young, but Rikku felt as drained as though they'd been shipwrecked all over again. Her nerves were completely raw, and Braska didn't seem to be doing much better. She drew out their light sphere and made a quick decision.
"No more exploring today," she ordered. "We need to rest and regroup. And we need a fire or this sphere is gonna burn out."
"Agreed," Braska said, looking exhausted.
They busied themselves making camp. In an effort to avoid Braska, Rikku threw herself into the minute details of her tasks – clearing the floor, forming a ring to create a firepit, and snapping one of the drier wooden sculptures into kindling. Braska seemed to be doing the same; both ignored the unspoken tension in the room, but soon there was nothing left to do but watch the fire – or each other.
Rikku picked at a fingernail, then gathered her courage. "Listen," she began uncertainly. "I'm not sure why you're feeling like a big pile of useless right now, but that feeling's not gonna stop unless you try to change it yourself. You can't… kiss it away."
Resting his chin in his palm, Braska wilted. "You already made it quite clear that I am being too forward in my affections towards you."
She clenched her hand reflexively, then released it. "That's not what I meant! You've got bigger problems than me." Not that the pink shoopuf in the room wasn't weighing heavily on her mind, but they needed to deal with surviving Baaj first. "Actually, we've got bigger problems, because if you don't get your self-confidence back, we won't make it off this island."
"You would manage it somehow," he told her. "You're very resourceful. I admire that about you; you look into the face of hopeless odds and never give up."
She sighed. "If you thought that about yourself, you'd be able to summon anything, anywhere. Where's all that unflappable calm you usually have stored up?"
"I must have lost it alongside my robes and staff." He shrugged. "I was careless enough to allow the symbols of my duty to be destroyed. Without my trappings, I have nothing left to hide my true nature."
"You don't need to wear robes to be a priest," she replied. "Why don't you work on your summoning problem while I do all the exploring tomorrow? I promise, I won't take any risks."
"I can't bear the thought of you dying for my sake. I lost Raenn in this way – she wanted to heal the rift between Cid and myself. She wanted me to be a part of the Al Bhed."
Rikku straightened and planted her fists on her hips. "I can't help looking like her. But you're mixing us up in your head, and it's hurting your focus."
He stared at her, his brow furrowing. "Is that what you think?" he finally said. "That I kissed you in the hopes of resurrecting my dead wife and slaking my thirst for intimacy?"
"Well… yeah?" she said. "That's what you've been doing all along. Don't worry, I'm not taking it personally." That was a lie, but Braska didn't need to hear that truth. "I know how hard it is, losing someone you loved like that."
"I'm not the only one who undervalues myself, then." He stood and walked around the fire to sit next to her, holding a hand up as she tensed. "Peace," he soothed. "I won't touch you."
"Alright. But sit over there," she said, pointing an arm's length away from her position.
"I won't deny that you first caught my eye because of your appearance," Braska told her as he settled on the floor. "Even knowing you're Raenn's younger sister, the resemblance is still uncanny. But it's been many weeks that we've travelled together now. You're more than a haunted shadow to me. It's your fumbling attempts at love that made me notice you as your own woman. Perhaps it's my jealousy of that youthful hope I see in you, burning brightly enough to ignite an answering passion even in Auron's soul."
He stared into the fire. "I understand if you wish to reject me because of your commitment to him. You don't want to betray Auron." He grimaced. "I didn't want to betray him either. He's my dearest friend."
Braska returned his gaze to her. "But don't think for a minute that it isn't you I wished to kiss then. It has always been you, and no other." His hand twitched. "My lack of control shames me. But I thirst for you. And here, without any power, it's all I have left of myself." He dropped his gaze. "I'm sorry to burden you – yet again – with another facet of my weakness."
She kept her silence, though her heart squeezed at his admission. Unable to help herself, she reached out, her hand hovering over Braska's shoulder. His eyes snapped to her fingertips, filling with the same dangerous darkness that had led to all the trouble in the first place.
Abandoning the idea of touch, Rikku let her hand fall, placing her fingers next to his knee instead. Even without contact, she imagined she could feel an invisible spark of energy jumping between them. "I can't replace him with you," she said finally. "I don't think my heart works like that. There's only room for one of you to live there."
Braska stared at the stone floor between them. "Could you let me rent that space for now?"
"You'd damage the property if I did," she joked. She looked up at Braska's sudden noise of dismay.
"No," he said firmly. "I would not defile something so sacred. You are my temple here. You are my Fayth. I wish to worship you."
Stupid words. Rikku shivered. It's like he's reciting a spell.
"Please. Let me love you," he whispered.
Or a prayer.
"You don't even know what you're saying. Go to sleep," she told him. "It's just the stress of being trapped here talking, right? Maybe we'll find an escape tomorrow."
Braska stretched out as though she'd given him a command, folding his arms over his stomach and staring up into the ceiling. The firelight flickered unevenly over his face, hiding his expression in its shadows. "Ever only as you wish."
Rikku settled down beside him, his last words reverberating around her head and chasing away any illusion of rest until long after the fire had died down.
.x.x.x.
The next morning – at least Rikku guessed it was morning, though her rest was fitful and the chamber still dark as ever – she tried to sneak away and continue her exploration of the Cloister unaided.
Unfortunately, Braska was already up and awake, foiling her plan to leave unnoticed. He appeared to be meditating, though his eyes opened and tracked her when she sat up.
"I have decided to spend the day focusing on my summoning technique as you requested," he said. "If it is a matter of will, then I must try my best to sharpen it. I will not stop you from exploring the rest of the temple without me."
She nodded slowly, tried not to feel guilty, and rose to her feet. He was doing exactly what she'd asked, yet seeing him bend to her will so easily made her feel terrible. Auron would have fought me on this if he didn't like what I said.
But, the entire problem was that Braska wasn't Auron.
"Rikku," Braska began. She tensed. "Will you allow me to say a morning prayer before you leave?"
"A what?" she asked, all at once relieved and even a little disappointed. "You wanna bless me? For what, luck? Just use the dressphere instead, that actually works."
Braska stood up and approached her. "You misunderstand."
Confusion transformed into jangling nerves when he stopped in front of her. He pressed too close for a simple exchange of words and turned his face against the fall of her wild hair.
"I wish to receive your blessing." Braska shivered. "May I?"
Her breath caught, and she dropped her eyes in shame. He wasn't even touching her, but she felt an excited tremor run through her. She forced herself to meet his gaze.
Let me have this, his eyes seemed to plead.
She welded her mouth stubbornly shut.
"Rikku," he repeated, and the unbearable note of sadness and longing laced through his voice led her to nod, acquiescing to his request. Just this once, she told herself.
He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers, the kiss as light as air. It was only a single, brief moment of contact, and then he pulled back. "Be careful," he said, turning away.
Rikku swayed, disoriented, and realized she was teetering on the edge of a dangerous chasm. "Um," she managed. "So… I'll be going down that one." She pointed at the next flooded passage. "I promise I'll be back soon. Happy focusing?" Wincing, she was grateful he didn't bother to reply to her awkward farewell; the slight smile on his face was enough to haunt her all the way through the rest of her exploration.
.x.x.x.
The morning yielded only disappointment after disappointment. Of the six submerged passages in the room, two were dead ends. One was impassable only a few meters down, one led to the submerged rubble of the library Braska had mentioned, and one was the path they'd explored the day before.
She knew exactly where the last untouched passage led – their final hope for assistance and a trip down memory lane with only Anima to guide her. Even if Seymour hadn't transplanted his mother into the temple yet, she still wasn't eager to see the Chamber of the Fayth.
Figuring that procrastination was the better part of valor, she decided to first return to the open ruins above to catch their next meal.
"Fish is getting old really fast here," Rikku complained to Braska. They had chosen to eat in the open-aired entrance, awash with the brightness of the midday sun. Even though the lack of a breeze made the heat stifling at times, it was a much-needed break from the oppressive darkness of the Cloister. Both of them were frustrated by their parallel lack of success.
"Beggars cannot be choosers," Braska lectured, then ducked away from her annoyed swat. "But yes, I agree. I never thought I would look back fondly upon the food we were fed in Luca's stadium and yearn for it." Finishing his meal, he moved to the water's edge to rinse his hands clean.
"There's only one place left to look, you know," she said apprehensively as she joined him. "I didn't really think it would be this hard to get out of here. It's already our second day."
"Amazing how much can transpire in that short of a time. Before we were wrecked I was sampling the gourmet cuisine available to the patrons of the Glitzball," Braska agreed regretfully. "It is a bit of an adjustment."
She snorted, drying her hands on her skirt. "What, you mean to say I haven't been an accommodating hostess so far?" She made a sweeping gesture at the ruins behind them and pitched her voice cheerfully. "Hotelier Rikku at your service, presenting the finest to be had at the Baaj Vacation Resort. Our offerings today? Carp! For breakfast, lunch, and dinner! It's a cleansing diet for only the most discerning of palates."
"You forgot to add it comes in two varieties," Braska replied. "Raw, or blackened beyond recognition."
"Don't criticize the head chef unless you want her to spit in your food," she warned him, before bursting into giggles.
He grinned back at her, easing some of the strain that had dogged them through the night. When the humor died out, he gave her one of his small, secretive smiles. "May I thank you for your services rendered thus far, my dear hostess?"
Rikku's smile waned. "You wanna say another prayer?"
The smile dropped from his face as well. "Only if you will allow it."
She stood and retreated, troubled that she let herself be caught up once again in his desires. It was just too easy to allow Braska's natural charm to disarm her, even as her more rational mind protested.
Did you really expect anything else? it asked her.
Just one more time, her heart whispered in reply, to ease his pain.
She heard Braska's approach behind her and turned around. He studied her face, as if searching for permission, and then dropped to his knees before her when he found it. She held her breath, wondering what form his prayer would take this time. Her curiosity was answered as his hands snaked around her waist, tracing over the swell of her hips. He pressed his mouth to her belly, planting a soft kiss just below her navel.
She flinched, lightning racing all the way down to her toes at the contact. Then his tongue flicked out and moistened her skin, and the lightning raced back up to pool – uncomfortable and warm – between her legs. She gasped.
Braska dropped his hands from her sides and traced feather-light patterns across the back of her thighs with his fingers. He continued to spread the same soft, wet kisses across the entire expanse of her abdomen, mapping one hip to the other.
Only when her knees started to buckle did he pull away, his blue eyes darker than a stormy ocean. "I should return to my meditations here," he murmured when he'd recovered enough to speak.
She started out of her stupor. "But the Geosgaeno! That thing we met yesterday is still out here!"
"I will take my chances," he told her.
She frowned. "It's not safe!"
"You would not be safe if I returned with you now." He relented at her stricken expression. "I will position myself near the entrance and leave at the first sign of trouble. I promise you this." He managed a weak smile towards her that dropped away quickly into true concern. "Please take care of yourself."
Cowed, Rikku gave him a quick nod and accepted her chance for retreat. As she crawled through the passage, she railed against herself. Why did I let him do that? Why did it feel so good? If he wants me so badly, why doesn't he take advantage whenever he turns me into a smooshy gelatin cube?
The last question bothered her the most, reminding her of Auron's hot and cold behavior. Of course, Auron told her he acted that way because he didn't know how to love her, but it couldn't be the same for Braska, right?
Stepping into the now-very-familiar circular chamber, Rikku settled near the remains of their camp and ignored the last passage that beckoned ominously. Instead, she drew out the light sphere and cradled it.
Should I? Or shouldn't I? She rotated it, thinking of Braska. Her finger hovered over the playback button, but she hesitated. There was, of course, her natural voyeuristic tendencies that would be delighted to know what exactly had been trapped on the sphere. But eclipsing that was the question now thundering through her head.
Love? Is that what he's fighting, not desire? She thought about Braska's morning and afternoon "prayers" – increasing in intensity each time. Surely he would request one that evening as well. Knowing exactly how that could end, her decision was made. "I have to know," she whispered, pressing the button.
The sphere winked and crackled, the playback slightly distorted due to her modifications to the controls. Then she saw Braska's face, squinting in suspicion.
"Is this… recording us right now?"
"Well, I guess it still worked," she muttered, watching their first entrance to the Cloister play out before her. By the time things had progressed to the More-Than-Just-A-Kiss, neither she nor Braska were visible in the sphere's recording field. Still, she didn't need a visual aid; every sound they made was burned into her as a tactile memory. She watched herself race across the screen, face flushed in embarrassment, and heard Braska's laugh chasing her.
Then, the noise of more movement. A rustle of cloth, and was that Braska's quickening breath? It was hard to tell through the occasional crackles and pops contaminating the recording. She clearly heard his breath hitch as he called out her name in a strained gasp. Rikku covered her mouth, her face reddening.
Her name. Not Raenn's.
Suddenly ashamed of her violation of Braska's privacy, she tried to shut the sphere off. Before she could adjust the controls, she heard a short laugh from the recording.
Braska's feet came into view. The video showing him shook a little as he picked up the sphere. "I wonder," he mused. "Will you watch this? No more secrets between us, then?" The sphere shook again as he settled against a pillar, and then she was treated to another view of Braska's feet as he languidly stretched his legs in front of the camera.
"I thought this would be simple," he admitted conversationally. "I'd say my goodbyes to Yuna, set off to avenge Raenn, and have Auron by my side to ensure the success of my journey. Then you and Jecht appeared, and I couldn't leave either of you behind. Two more outcasts to add to our company of misfits. And things descended into utter chaos."
There was a moment of silence, punctuated by the crackling of the recording, and then Braska's voice picked up again, warmer than before. "I've been enjoying this chaos more than I realized. Somewhere along the way, the three of you picked me up and forced me to remember that there was more to my life than anger and despair. Oh yes," he admitted wryly, his tone cooling, "I know that I'm a cruel and weak man. A good man, Auron would say, a kind one, Jecht might agree. I wonder if you've seen reality? Or have I fooled you as well?"
Rikku held the sphere carefully, frowning. She heard the truth in his voice, and knew it was the real source of his summoning problems. Loathing dripped from every word, despite his light tone.
The image jolted as Braska shifted. "I know I abandoned Yuna. I also know it was wrong. To lose her mother to Sin, and then also her father… I've stolen my daughter's happiness for my own selfish whims. But I couldn't put my love for her above my own hatred. To think, Jecht is a better father than I. He weeps for his son still, yet my tears dried long ago. My heart closed when Raenn left, even to my own child."
He let out a soft sigh. "I wonder, now, if I betray my wife by opening it again. The memory which first drove me down this path grows softer and less jagged with every step I take. She would be so angry with me for walking it at all – like all Al Bhed, she hated the Final Summoning. But all I'm capable of is wounding the ones I care most about."
The image jumped again. "I never intended to hurt you or Auron. But watching you fumble towards one another woke something in me I'd forgotten I needed – hope. And eventually, also love. I realized that, in Luca. That I couldn't defeat Sin without those things in my heart, that it would take more than my hatred to save Spira. Even Auron noticed how I had changed."
A soft laugh was heard from the recording. "He would follow me to the ends of the earth, so loyal he is. I couldn't ask for a truer friend. Auron would willingly allow me to lead him to his ruin. I've never met a better soldier than him, yet he has the heart of an innocent child, easily consumed by extremes of both joy and pain. I love him, in my own way, just as much as I love you."
The recorded image tilted; Braska placed the sphere on the ground by his side. "But I've told you already. I'm a weak and cruel man. I put Raenn before Yuna, and now I've placed you before Auron. I suppose I can't learn from my mistakes after all. I know this will end in tears and madness, and yet I reach for it all the same. Would Auron forgive me, I wonder? Will Yuna?"
The sphere winked out briefly; Braska had chosen to shut it down. Though the recording buzzed back into life quickly, there was no way to tell how much time had passed for him.
"I know this will have to end." Braska's voice again, stripped of its usual calm undertones. Anguish colored his every word. "Baaj is nothing but an illusion of my own making. The world could forget our existence and continue on without us. Allow someone else to defeat Sin! We can remain here forever, trapped, as you help me rediscover how it feels to love and be loved in return."
The image shifted as he exhaled sharply.
"But I'm running from my duty. This is all merely a fevered dream which I'm forcing you to endure. I must find a way to end it. Thank you, for tolerating it. For tolerating me. I only hope that one day you and Auron will find the happiness which I no longer have, or deserve."
The recording skipped again, and when it restarted, Rikku recognized the antechamber they had explored together the previous day. She shut the sphere down and let the darkness surround her. Braska's voice echoed in her mind, chasing her whirling thoughts. This was his focus? This was what gave him the strength to summon, the hope that he could run away from himself by dying for Spira? He was right, in some way; the Braska she knew now wouldn't be able to defeat Sin; he couldn't even face himself.
"Rikku?" Startled, she opened her eyes and squinted against the unexpected light.
When did I fall asleep?
Braska had apparently managed to master her grid enough to control the flame he now cupped in one hand. "You took so long to return, I grew concerned."
Noting the stiffness in her neck, she shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I lost track of time."
"Did you find anything?" he asked with a hint of hope. It fled from his face when she shook her head, and he slumped to the floor beside her, extinguishing his flame. "I apologize for bringing you into this mess," he murmured into the darkness.
"Don't… say you're sorry anymore, okay?"
Something in her voice made him relight the spell in his hand and look at her more closely. He leaned towards her, his brow furrowed. "What happened to you?" Reaching out with his free hand, he touched her cheek, and his frown deepened. "Why are you crying?"
"Huh?" Rikku scrubbed at her face, surprised when her fingers came away wet. "Oh, this? I just… I dunno," she trailed off, dropping her hand. It hit the sphere she'd forgotten about, sending it clattering across the floor.
Braska watched it spin to a stop, then looked at her, his voice careful. "Did you explore the passage at all?" When she shook her head, he gave her a resigned look. "How much did you see?"
"All of it."
The flame winked out once more, and he sat back with a thump. "I was careless," he admonished, anger licking the words.
She grabbed his hand in the dark, squeezing it. "Why do you hate yourself so much?"
"You've seen why," Braska answered bitterly. He tugged away from her, but she only tightened her grip in response.
"You're the one lying to yourself, you lying liar." She squeezed his hand again, holding him still. "I know you really care. I've seen you with Yuna, and Auron, and even Jecht. You're not just going through the motions and pretending to have a heart. I know you really mean it." She faced him, even though he was only a shadow in the darkness. "You wouldn't rip yourself to shreds hurting like that if it was all pretend."
"Why do you believe in me? Even now, after I've done nothing but torment you since we left Luca? Don't patronize me." His voice grew sharp. "Or, do you wish me to succumb to my own lust, and ruin you in the process?"
"I know it's not lust," she said. "I saw everything on that sphere. I don't just tolerate you." Pausing, she took a deep breath, allowing herself to admit her confused feelings out loud. "You made me love you too, you know. Just a little."
She felt him still, and her heart ached in the recognition that he'd permanently changed its shape. It was hard to continue speaking through the thick emotion that settled between them.
"You do deserve happiness. If I could, I'd give it to you." But I can't, she didn't say, though it was clear he understood her. It didn't matter how charming he acted or how forward his overtures were – in the end, she wanted to be with Auron. Besides, Braska was still Yunie's dad. She covered his hand with both of her own. "I'm sorry."
"You're still stronger than I," he said, his voice resigned. "Will you allow me one last prayer?"
She leaned forward and kissed him first. He wrapped his arms around her like she was a lifeline to his sanity, responding with a joy and passion that ignited her senses and filled her with a sharp pang of regret – whispers of what could have been just beyond her grasp. When his embrace grew more heated, she broke it off, resting her head against his, their breaths mingling in unsteady gasps.
"Thank you for letting me recognize love one last time," he whispered against her skin. Then she felt him smile. "It's your loss too, you realize. I've been told I'm an excellent lover." He murmured something unintelligible and Rikku nearly fell over backwards when another Cure spell rushed into her, this time fully powered.
"Unn… not fair," she mumbled, slumping into a boneless heap against him.
"It's never going to be," Braska agreed. "Such is life in Spira."