48: Water Runs Deeper
"So, you do know each other," Auron said.
Rikku forced herself to let go of her brother – her living, breathing, alive-alive-alive brother – and step back. "Um," she said, swiping at her eyes.
"I'm not sure that's true just yet," Keyakku muttered, looking shell-shocked. He couldn't seem to tear his gaze away from her.
She coughed out a watery laugh and tugged one of her braids. "This is Keyakku."
"I know. We've met," Auron said before focusing on Keyakku. "Aren't you a little young to be having your own command? Where's your father?"
Keyakku's expression cooled. "Unlike you people, the Al Bhed gain ranks by talent, not privilege. I've been commanding this ship since I was sixteen. So, you'll answer to me here, Auron."
"Hnn," Auron grunted, looking unimpressed.
Rikku snorted. Keyakku was a Pollendina – Al Bhed royalty, as Maechen had said – whereas Auron was the orphan who'd had to claw his way up through the warrior-monk ranks.
Still, Auron only continued by saying, "You've grown."
"Can you guys have your lil' chat later?" Jecht cut in, hefting Braska's unconscious body in his arms. "He ain't light."
"Uncle Braska!" Keyakku said, jumping. "I'm sorry. Please, bring him here." He turned to his men and switched to his native tongue. "Maqui, you and the others go outside and deal with the Yevonites. Food, medicine. Don't rough them up, but take their weapons if they have any."
"Keyakku! What about him?" Maqui pointed his gun at Auron, who remained unintimidated by the show of force. "Do you not remember the last time?"
"I will handle Auron," Keyakku said, stern. "Leave us. That's an order." He paused, as if to stare at her again, before visibly shaking himself and moving deeper into the ship.
Rikku and the others followed. She craned her neck, examining the sparking cables and damaged paneling surrounding them.
"Sin really busted up Father's boat," Rikku said, wincing as she ducked under a hanging wire.
Keyakku froze, obviously tensing at her mention of Cid.
Rikku swallowed and pushed down the nausea roiling through her stomach. I guess he's still trying to process everything, too.
After a moment, the shock bled from his body, and his shoulders drooped. "Pops is gonna blow a gasket," he agreed. "My first voyage out, and what do I do? Destroy the gun and total the ship."
He stopped and pressed a panel on a door; it slid open, revealing a modest cabin containing a desk fitted between two bunk beds. Though divested of any adornments – and a little on the small side – it was still clean and serviceable for the four of them.
And loads better than the brig.
"You can put Uncle Braska down over there," Keyakku told them. "I'll get you some water."
Jecht placed Braska carefully onto a bed and let out a sigh of relief, cracking his neck. "Thanks for rescuin' us, kid. But, you mind tellin' us what you were talkin' about with Rie-Rie? We don't all speak your language, ya know."
She blanched at hearing Jecht use the nickname. He better not pick that up…
Keyakku sighed and rummaged through one of the desk's drawers. Pulling out an Al Bhed primer, he threw it at Jecht's head. "Then learn it yourself, hotshot," he said. "Rikku. Come with me. You still know where everything is, right?"
"Um. Yeah," she admitted, daring a glance at Auron. His brows were drawn together, and he was studying her as though she were a baffling puzzle. "I'll be back in a jiffy, okay? You guys keep Braska safe and sound. I don't think everyone here's as nice as Keyakku."
Jecht waved a hand in her direction, then spread himself over one of the other free beds. He began flipping through the primer, sounding out letters.
Auron rolled his eyes and nodded at her, pulling out his sword and stationing himself by the door. "Do what you need to. I understand that your circumstances are delicate, but remember your duty," he told her. "And, be careful," he added in a low undertone.
She nodded, reading his message loud and clear. Find a way to keep Braska safe until we can escape. She hoped they wouldn't have to escape, but for all of Keyakku's goodwill, they had destroyed both the ship and the cannon. It had taken the Al Bhed the better part of ten years to properly repair that cannon after her brother's "failure" the first time.
Rikku knew. She'd helped. Pops always did say we had to clean up our own messes, she thought, semi-hysterically.
Thinking about how she'd just broken the cannon that she and her family had spent years fixing... it made her head hurt almost as much as worrying about what Kei was going to say once things settled down.
My problems are getting more complicated than Lulu's skirt.
She and Keyakku exited the cabin. After the door slid closed, he crossed his arms and faced her with an unhappy frown. "Way to undermine my authority in front of just about everybody, Rie-Rie. It's hard enough trying to be captain of this ship when I'm younger than almost anyone else here. If you weren't my sister, I'd probably punish you for that." He stopped, then smirked. "Hey, wait a minute, maybe I can punish you for that!"
"Don't get any ideas," she warned. "I still remember that time you locked me in the cargo hold with the snakes! I hate snakes!"
Keyakku grinned. "Come on, that was all Brother's idea. And they weren't snakes! It was just cable insulation. It's not my fault you're gullible." His grin faded. "But it is you, isn't it? Only my siblings would know that story. You're really my baby sister, all grown up?"
Two Al Bhed mechanics squeezed by them, eying Rikku with open curiosity. "Everything okay, Captain?" one of them asked.
"It's fine," he said, tilting his head in a silent order to keep moving. They saluted and continued on without batting an eye.
"You're… really good at this," she observed.
"Why wouldn't I be? We're not all like Pops, y'know," he replied with a smirk.
"Hey, let's not talk out here," Rikku said. "I don't want anyone listening in on what I've got to tell you."
"Captain's quarters? They're mine until we get back to Bikanel and Pops demotes me. Or maybe just throttles me." He paused and sighed. "Not that we'll make it back any time soon. Last I heard, the engine was shot, so we're sitting ducks out here."
"I'll help you fix it," she said, slamming her hand onto the panel that opened the door to Keyakku's cabin. Or Rikku's cabin, as she liked to call it. It had been hers too, once upon a time. It hadn't changed much – or is it the other way around? – from her own memories: more spacious than most of the other rooms on the ship, but still aggressively spartan.
"Help fix it? Wow. You know your way around machina that well now, huh? You always were clever," Keyakku said, waving the door shut behind them. He pulled his goggles off and ran his fingers through his hair. A muscle in his cheek jumped.
She recognized his nervous tic; it was the only reason her father could ever best Kei at poker. It only appeared when he was under a lot of stress. In his later years, her brother had worked hard to bring it under control, and she'd delighted in teasing him about the rigorous facial exercises he practiced daily. It didn't seem quite as funny now, knowing she was currently the source of his discomfort.
"Kei-kei?"
Rather than answer her, he dove for the large desk in the corner of the room and fished out a bottle of paan – some of the Al Bhed's finest, judging from the label. Popping the cap off, he took a huge swig.
"Hey!" She plucked the drink from him; he sputtered in protest. "You're only seventeen! You're not supposed to have this stuff yet!"
Keyakku snatched the bottle back and glared. "One, my crew and I just survived a fight with Sin by the skin of our teeth. Two… well, do I even need a two? Look at you!" He winced and took another long draught, then stared at the ceiling for a moment before setting the bottle down with a decisive thud. "Okay. Now I think I can handle whatever you're gonna tell me. I'm ready."
"I'm not," she said, making grabby hands towards the bottle.
He slid it away from her with a frown. "You're only five! Stop it before you mess up your brain! Or maybe it's too late already, huh?"
Eyebrow twitching, she crossed her arms. "Really, Kei-kei?"
"Couldn't resist. If I don't keep laughing at you, I'll probably lose my mind." Keyakku shrugged. "So. Did someone discover a machina for time travel? How old are you, anyway? Why'd you come here?" He stopped, then asked, more solemnly, "Did we finally defeat Sin?"
Wincing, she sorted through the questions. "Not… exactly? Twenty-one. It was kind of an accident." She rocked on the balls of her feet. "And… yeah. Yeah, we did."
Keyakku slumped, tension leeching from his frame. "Are you lying?"
Rikku shook her head. "I wouldn't. Not about that."
Keyakku reached for the bottle, saluted with it, then took another drink. "Explain 'not exactly.' " He grew agitated, drumming his fingers nervously on the desk. "Doesn't you being here, in this time, fuck everything up?" He raked a hand through his hair as his voice rose. "Holy machina, why'd you even tell me, Rie-Rie?"
She sighed. Keyakku always had been the smart one. "Look, I'm sorry, but lying to everyone I know here is getting pretty old! I saw you – " She choked down the word 'alive.' " – and just. I didn't want to lie anymore. Not to you."
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, remaining still until his cheek stopped twitching. Then, he cleared his throat, struggling to keep his voice calm. "Start with the machina," he instructed. "If we beat Sin, why did you wanna go back and change things?"
"Weren't you listening? There is no time-travel machina, Kei! I didn't want to come here!" she exploded. "What part of 'accident' don't you get?"
"But how can an accident send you backwards through time?"
"I don't know, alright? It was a surprise to me, too! I was just minding my own business, trying to make my peace with the dead, and then… I sorta...fell-off-that-ledge-in-the-Farplane." Her voice sank as she spoke, watching Keyakku's face morph from frustration to incredulity.
"You mean you were klutzy enough to fall off of a ledge in the Farplane." He stared for a long moment at the bottle in his hands. "I don't think this is helping." He set it aside with careful movements. "Rie-Rie, are you an Unsent?"
Wait, what? She blinked before answering. "I'm pretty sure I'm not dead."
"How sure?"
Is he serious? Well, judging from the twitch in his cheek, he probably was. She made a see-sawing motion with her hand. "Like, the success rate of one of Pop's patch-up jobs? Maybe 80/20?"
"80/20? You know, I'm not so sure we're talking about the same Cid here. This is important – something you need to know. Ask Uncle Braska to Send you when he wakes up," he ordered.
Rikku made a face at him, then froze when she realized he wasn't smirking.
"You think I'm joking? You're my sister, and I love you, but if you died, you need to accept it and move on!"
She sank to the floor and put her head between her knees. "I don't wanna hear that from you," she moaned, squeezing her eyes shut.
Changing the future. He said it like she didn't already know that, wrestle with it every day, every time she looked at Auron. She knew she could alter the course of history, for so many people.
For him.
All it would take was one little warning. Just a few small words from her lips, and Kei wouldn't be at Home when Seymour's goons attacked. He wouldn't have to die in her arms.
But, if he knew, Kei would never let Home be destroyed by the Yevonites. Heck, Seymour's attack might not have even succeeded.
She bit her lip. On the other hand, if it didn't happen, Cid would never grant Yuna the use of the Fahrenheit or the pulse cannon, not when there was still a chance to squirrel away the Summoners from their Pilgrimage.
Their best method to fight Sin just… removed, with one small sentence from her.
Was so much truly riding on what she said to Keyakku? It's just one little warning, her mind whispered tauntingly. I could change the future.
And damn it at the same time.
She clenched her hand, nails digging pinpricks of pain into her palms. I hate this! I hate being powerless! Why do I have to choose between my brother and Yuna? Between Auron and Sin? Why do I have to decide if Tidus ever gets to live? Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, making her angrier. Is that all I can do with my memories? Cry? What's the point?
In the tense silence that settled, she heard Keyakku's chair creak as he stood. He slid down next to her and pulled her into a hug. "Sorry," he said. "It must be hard." He sounded guilty. "Don't cry. You're making me feel like the bad guy here."
"I'm not crying," she said, sniffing. "I just have something in my eye."
"Yeah. Something like tears, huh?" Laughing, he squeezed her. "I am happy to see you like this, y'know? My baby sister, all grown up. You've even gotten pretty, so I guess I'm gonna need to invest in a better gun." He huffed. "I hope you stopped hanging out with Gippal. That kid's trouble, I'm sure of it."
She giggled at that; it sounded wet and wobbly. "Yeah yeah. I did learn my lesson eventually. But now you can laugh about being right, if you want."
Keyakku chuckled again, then sighed. "You've gotta be better about letting stuff like that slip out! Everything you change, even the tiniest details, are gonna mess with the future."
Rikku blinked. She thought about Braska's entire Pilgrimage to date. "Eh… I think it's kinda too late to worry about changing the little things," she hedged.
"…What have you done?"
"Well, for one, I dunno if you heard about it yet, but I'm that Rikkma from Luca."
"Of course you are." Keyakku slapped his forehead. "This is how you know we're Cid's kids. When we mess up, we mess up big. I bet Brother's gonna bring on the Apocalypse by sneezing or something."
Laughing – a little more naturally this time – she disentangled herself from his hug. "We need to get the others that water you promised. They're probably wondering if you killed me. Auron gets twitchy when I make him wait too long."
"What's going on between you two anyway?" Keyakku stood to gather a few supplies, tone oozing suspicion. "Uncle Braska was cool, so I can understand hanging around him, but Auron? Maester Mika's pet assassin?"
Rikku wheezed in shock. "You knew about that?"
Keyakku gave her a disbelieving look, handing over a few blankets for her to carry. "Uncle Braska didn't need Yevon's Number One warrior monk as a bodyguard for the Ronso. Why would he need one for us?" He scratched his ear as they exited the cabin and made their way back down the hall. "Although, considering the way Uncle Braska and Aunt Raenn busted out of Home, I guess they did need him after all."
Not our finest moment, Rikku thought.
"It took Pops a bit to cool off, but he did want to welcome Uncle Braska back after everything. But then, Aunt Raenn died, and… well, you know."
"Father would take Braska back?"
"Yeah, both him and Yunie. No problem."
"But not Auron," she added.
"Not Auron," Keyakku agreed, coming to a stop before the guest quarters. "Now, please tell me my eyes weren't working right before," he said. "Because Auron is one scary guy, and if you two are dating, I'm definitely gonna need a bigger gun."
She rolled her eyes and went to open the door.
Keyakku caught her hand before she could, pulling her close. "No matter what happens, Rie-Rie, I love you. Okay?"
No matter what happens…? Gulping, she gave him an uncertain hug. But, it didn't matter. He was alive and they were together. "Okay."
The door slid open, and she jumped.
Auron stood there, looking displeased. "I heard voices." He gave Keyakku an appraising once-over. "Did I interrupt your touching reunion?"
Keyakku looked confused. "Our – "
She made a face. "No! Gross, Auron! Keyakku is family – "
Keyakku pinched her.
"OWW!" She jerked away from Keyakku's arms. "What was that for?"
"Chaos Theory!" he muttered sullenly.
"They already know we're related, dorkface!" Rikku squinted back at him, just as mean.
"The familial resemblance is uncanny," Auron grunted, stepping aside.
Tearing his gaze away from Rikku, Keyakku entered the room, brushing past Auron. "I brought you some food, water, and salts to wake Uncle," Keyakku said, placing the items on the desk. He faced Auron, almost comically stiff. "I know you probably still think of me as that little kid at Cid's side you met back then, but I'm a man now." He tensed when Auron only sent him a look full of amusement, but didn't rise to the bait. "A man protects his family, Auron. So, if you mess with Rikku, you're gonna have to deal with me."
Jecht raised his head out of the primer. "Now, this is gettin' interesting," he muttered, closing it with a grin. "Am I finally hearin' a shovel talk for Blondie?"
"Jecht," she warned, exasperated.
"Your meathead got it right," Keyakku said, crossing his arms and ignoring Jecht's scowl. "We're in the middle of the ocean, and we Al Bhed are really good at making stuff disappear. If you don't want to take a long walk off a short plank, you'll keep your hands to yourself on my ship."
"Kei-Kei!" she shouted, embarrassed. Sweet machina, is this what it's like to have a younger sibling? Keyakku must have had the patience of a Fayth while they were growing up.
"Let him posture," Auron said, so clearly dismissive it was almost painful to watch. "You have something to prove, boy? I've gone through Cid before, too. Don't tempt fate." Apparently Auron's patience wasn't nearly as great as her brother's.
Keyakku, looking slightly scared, nevertheless stood his ground.
"Ooh," Jecht said, grabbing the smelling salts. "Braska needs to be awake for this. I heard he can regrow limbs if it gets messy."
At the mention of Braska, Auron rolled his shoulders and looked away. "We'll continue this later," he promised. Then he moved to Braska's side and cupped the summoner's head while Jecht passed the medicine under Braska's nose.
"Ung!" Braska's eyes shot open and he immediately batted the salts away from his face. He held his head as Auron helped him sit up. "What – where am I?"
Keyakku kneeled down and pushed a bottle of water into Braska's hands. "Uncle," Keyakku said. "Thank you for helping us escape from Sin."
Braska blinked, stared, and then blinked again. "Keyakku? Little Kei?" He smiled, surprise evident on his face. "Not quite so little any longer, I see. Look at the fine young man you've grown into!"
"You speak that gobbledygook, B?" Jecht winced when Auron slapped the back of his head.
"Of course," Braska said. "It wouldn't make much sense to proselytize in a language I couldn't speak, would it?" He looked at Keyakku again. "I would like to apologize for what passed between your father and I so many years ago. I never – "
"Uncle. Pops forgave you a long time ago." Keyakku shook his head. "You're part of our family now, too. If anything, I should be apologizing for what my dad put you and Aunt Raenn through back then."
Some element of the tension Braska always seemed to be carrying vanished. He closed his eyes for a moment, looking too overcome to form words.
"Uncle?" Keyakku asked.
"Thank you," Braska whispered, clasping Keyakku's shoulder and squeezing it with a trembling hand. "From the bottom of my heart, I thank you."
Rikku watched the scene unfold with both profound satisfaction and an unsettling feeling of jealousy. I never realized how heavy that guilt was for Braska. If I had told him the truth, I could have saved him from this so much sooner.
"Uncle," Keyakku continued, his voice wavering. "I need to ask you for a favor. I wish I didn't have to say it now, like this, but it's urgent."
"Anything," Braska replied, focusing his attention on Keyakku. "What is it that troubles you so, my nephew?"
She frowned when Keyakku turned to look at her.
"I need you to Send Rikku. Now, if possible."
She made a choking noise, and Braska went very still.
"What?" Auron asked suddenly, alert. "What did he just say?"
"You want me to perform the Sending…?" Braska turned to look at her, his obvious surprise slowly becoming tainted with uncertainty. "Rikku, how did your first Pilgrimage fail?"
She ignored Keyakku's started glance, still trying to process her brother's words.
What the heck? Didn't he just agree to let me handle this? Even if Kei suspected I was Unsent at first, I thought he believed me! Was he lying this whole time? The rumbling feeling of nausea returned with a vengeance, even as her mind churned out a logical analysis. But it all makes sense. If it wasn't for his cheek, Kei would have been the best poker player in the family, she thought, bitter.
"Rikku?" Braska prompted.
Reeling, she forced the words out. "My summoner… she couldn't do it. She couldn't make herself call the Final Aeon, so we didn't. But we didn't all die trying." Fury at Keyakku's gall suddenly flooded her. "I'm not dead!" she yelled at her brother. "How can you even joke like that, Kei?"
She chanced a glance at Braska, who was staring at his hands and rapidly paling. He might not have been a Yevonite any longer, but he was still a Summoner. If there was one thing Yevon hammered home as greatly as the need to sacrifice themselves to Sin, it was their complete and utter commitment to the Sending. For all that he might have rejected the Church, Braska was still a man of faith.
The lies she'd spun to her friends – to Braska – tightened around her like a noose. Heart pounding, she tried to read him, but he wouldn't meet her eyes. Still, she knew the expression crossing his face all too well: self-loathing and regret, warring for place under his placid Summoner's mask.
A swell of indignation and betrayal welled up in her chest. You said you loved me, she thought viciously, trying to force him to look at her. Are your feelings so cheap?
She'd still loved Auron after he'd revealed his true nature at the end of Yuna's Pilgrimage. Perhaps, it had even made her love him a little more.
But she wasn't Braska, she realized faintly. He didn't have her belief in the future or the possibility of happily-ever-afters. His version of love was a jagged thing, carved into him by painful experience. It wasn't something that could so easily accept this.
Keyakku's voice snapped her attention away from her thoughts. "I'm not joking. The dead long to be a part of the living. When they stay here too long, they corrupt the world and everything they come into contact with. You don't have a clue about what you are or how you even got here!" Her brother looked down, refusing to meet her angry stare. "What am I supposed to think?"
"Kei, you're being stupid." She scanned the room desperately. Her eyes landed on Auron, and she bit down on her tongue.
He was staring at her, head on, doing little to hide his shock. A slow glimmer of understanding was crossing his features; he was piecing together a rough idea of Keyakku's accusation from Braska's response. "Rikku, you're not…?"
"I – I'm not! – " she began, before the softly insidious part of her asked, Are you sure?
She froze, feeling like she'd been doused in cold water. She didn't know how she'd gotten to the past, not really.
The implication hurt more than Braska's sudden inexorable sadness or Auron's uncertain denial; Keyakku had planted the seed of doubt in her mind, too. She couldn't answer Auron's blind faith in her, not when she couldn't even be sure of the truth herself.
"Just give it up, Rikku," Keyakku said quietly. There was guilt in what little she could see of his face, but it was mostly overshadowed by resolve. So this why everyone had said he was destined to become an even greater leader than Cid – he'd never been as soft as their father, always the smart one who was willing to think with his head, rather than his heart.
It wasn't that Keyakku didn't believe her or didn't love her, was it? He just believed a future free of Sin was more important than whatever anyone in their tiny room felt.
…Could she blame him?
Braska was beginning to look sick. He finally managed to look at her, though his expression was guarded. "All this time, that's what I sensed…? That's why you could see the Fayth too?"
"You don't believe him, do you?" she asked Braska in a small voice.
His expression crumpled and he looked away.
"It's better this way, Rie-Rie."
"Don't call me that," she told Keyakku, her anger draining away into shame. Was this the truth of it? She, Rikku, an Unsent this whole time, only too selfish – too determined to chase her own adventure – to accept it?
"Auron," Braska said in a leaden voice, reaching for his staff. "Take Rikku to the deck."
"Braska?" His gaze darted between all of them.
Braska stood, expression reminiscent of the one he'd had in Baaj when he'd desperately pumped magic into her failing body. He looked like she was dying again, except this time, he couldn't save her. "Don't play ignorant, Auron. Take her above and say your farewells."
Jecht was standing now too, though he just looked confused. "Hold up! I don't understand. What are you guys plannin' on doing topside? What farewells?"
Braska tilted his head towards Jecht, unable to meet her eyes. "I am to perform the Sending. It is the duty of all summoners to provide guidance to the dead, to allow them to rest in peace."
"Why isn't anyone listening? I'm not dead," she repeated, twitching at the way Auron recoiled. "I'm not!"
It was even worse, now that it was out in the open, confirmed so plainly before them all. Auron went stock-still, all emotion bleeding from his face; his complete lack of response was louder than his worst death-glare.
Even Jecht froze, staring at her in consternation as he processed her words. "Blondie?"
The silence settled around them, dense and uncomfortable. The adrenaline pumping through her veins began to fade, and she wondered with a brief flare of resentment how everything could have fallen apart so quickly, with just a few simple words from Keyakku's mouth.
The irony of the situation didn't escape her. Her decision to remain silent had all but sentenced him to death; now, with his decision to speak out, he may have done the same to her.
All at once, she felt hollow and burnt out, unable to muster the energy to be indignant at her brother, because he was only trying to save the damn world.
Even if she could understand Braska's reaction, his stern rejection stung her, too – apparently his love did know some bounds. Although it wasn't really surprising, considering how Yuna had thrown herself off of a tower just to avoid Seymour. Like father, like daughter till the end, huh, she thought with bitter amusement.
But it was Auron's reticence that stabbed the thousand knives into her heart. Was it silly to hope that he'd transform into her knight in shining armor even now? Probably wishful thinking; the princess he'd tried to rescue had turned into a frog in his arms, after all. An undead one.
She choked back a maniacal laugh and turned towards Jecht, who was still waiting for her acknowledgement. "What?" she asked, feeling tired.
"Dead, not dead. Whatever." She focused her attention on him. "Do you wanna go along with this? Or, are we bustin' outta here the hard way?" he continued, reaching for his sword.
Some of her paralysing despair cleared at his words. It warmed her somewhat to see that at least one of her companions didn't really care about her living status. It was the clueless friend who wasn't entirely human, but still. It was Jecht.
"Thanks for being in my corner, Jecht, but don't pull out your can of whoop-ass just yet," she told him more lightly than she felt. "I guess… no matter what I want, it's better to see if Kei's right."
Auron inhaled sharply.
She thought of the Farplane, of the flowers there, and of a brief, cloudy memory. Not yet? Or is it time now? I don't even know anymore, Auron.
Shaking herself, she pasted a bright smile on her face. "But you can hold on to this, just in case." Reaching for her belt, Rikku pulled off the Songstress sphere and tossed it at Jecht. "If he is right, take care of Lenne for me. A Sending can't be good for her."
He caught it deftly. "Rikku. You sure 'bout this? Lenne made her own choice, y'know, and it looks like she's doin' just fine. Maybe it don't have to be this way for you, either." He gave her a small, conspiratorial grin. "Make your own fate, right?"
She couldn't quite bring herself to return his smile, especially not with Auron's gaze burning a hole through her. "No… I think I owe it to everyone to find out. No matter what the cost."
"Fine," Jecht said with a shrug, pocketing the sphere. "That's your call." Then he glared at Keyakku. " 'ey, you! That was a dick move, man. I'm gonna kick your ass when we're done here." He transferred his baleful stare to Auron. "You too. She's your girl."
"Stop it," she said sharply, putting a hand on Jecht's arm. To his credit, he didn't flinch away. "Firstly, I'm not his. I'm my own. And secondly, being undead is a bridge too far for some people." Auron did flinch at that. "Not that you would know," she told Jecht, covering her hurt as she withdrew her touch. "Seeing as you have no taste and all."
"Rikku?" Auron said, studying her.
A part of her unclenched in relief; at least he could still talk to her, rather than at her. I guess Jecht's disapproval was a pretty powerful motivator. "Yeah?" she said quietly.
"I… am sorry," he murmured, his expression pained. "You are the one who has always believed there was a way for both of us to find happiness. I was ever the cynic." He met her gaze. "But, if this is true, we can't run away from it."
She could see him struggling, trying to reconcile the idea of her life with death. He might be able to unbend enough to learn to love an Al Bhed – and even accept the use of machina – but embracing the Unsent was a challenge this Auron couldn't yet conquer.
She was also hyper aware of Keyakku's eyes on them. I won't give Keyakku the satisfaction of seeing Auron hurting like this. Grabbing Auron's arm, she hit the wall panel and shoved him outside. "Give us some time."
"Rikku," Keyakku said with a note of warning, standing up. "Don't try to escape. You know this is the right thing to do."
"No! This is your fault! You don't get to speak about what's right!" she hissed, some of her anger returning. "Five minutes. That's all I'm asking for."
Braska didn't answer, his face deathly still. She shivered. He'd shut himself off from her; whether it was to hide his own feelings or because he was faithful to the core tenants of his duty as a summoner, she couldn't tell. Clearly, Auron wasn't the only one shaken by Keyakku's request.
Peeling her eyes away from Braska, she looked at Jecht. "Buy me five minutes?" she pleaded. "I won't run. Promise."
Jecht nodded, already moving to plant himself in the doorway. He crossed his arms and smiled toothily at her brother just as the door shut.
Hopefully, it would be enough.
She faced her too-silent companion. "Auron?" she asked. "Say something."
An inarticulate noise of frustration burst from his lips. It was fairly dramatic for someone whose nonverbal emotional range typically consisted of varying octaves of 'Hnn.'
She gave him a fond, but melancholy smile.
"What in Spira do you find amusing about any of this?"
"I was just thinking that even now, you haven't changed. I kinda love that about you." She felt a stab of regret for her words when Auron's expression clouded, his mouth twisting downwards in a grimace.
"Is it even true?" His voice was quiet and laced with pain. "This goes well beyond rejecting Yevon, you know that. The dead don't belong among the living. Even that Al Bhed boy understands." Then, hesitant – more hesitant than she'd ever seen him be before – he reached out and pushed her ever-unruly hair away from her face. "I can't deny you anything. But, if you have any mercy, please. Don't ask me to defend you from this judgement."
Rikku grabbed his hand. "I don't know if it's true or not. There's a lot of things about myself I can't explain. I don't even know if I'm supposed to be here," she admitted. "But I'm pretty sure I'm not dead."
Auron's hand clutched hers, and his eyes were searching. "Are you certain?"
"Nope. But I guess we'll find out, won't we?"
He bit out an oath. "You never change either. I swear, you'll drive me to my grave with your inappropriate sense of humor."
"Not apologizing. If the only thing I can do about it is laugh or cry, I'm gonna laugh."
He pulled her into a tight hug, tremors running through his body. "I could have continued in blissful ignorance," he said, voice strained.
"Liar, liar, pants on fire." She felt Auron chuckle through his tight grip on her. "Let's get this over with, huh? You can help Jecht beat up Keyakku afterwards."
He clutched her for a moment longer, then pulled back, composing himself. "Don't disappear," he ordered, as if his words could make a difference. She gave him a shaky nod, and he pressed the panel for the door. "We're ready."
The short walk back to the deck was excruciating. No one said anything, and Rikku felt the sweat dripping down the back of her neck. Am I dead? Will I return to the future if Braska Sends me? Shouldn't that be what I want? The last thought made her pause.
That was what I was working for all this time, wasn't it? To find a way to go back home before I messed things up. I wanted what Keyakku wants.
She refused to look at her brother. No. If that's what I was like before, then I'm glad I've changed. I don't want to be a person who'd sacrifice the ones they love for some greater cause. How would I be any different from the Church, then? Our happiness counts, it has to.
No, she thought more firmly, directing her gaze instead towards Auron, who was at her side. I want to be with Auron. I want to live in Besaid and have a future with him, teaching our bratty children how to break the Auroch's losing streak and complaining about the bad food there. I want to know the truth. It's better this way.
The hatch slid open and she froze. Scores of demoralized crusaders were sitting on the deck, many having shed their armor under the sweltering sunlight. Several were nursing obvious injuries; even the ones who didn't were gazing dully out to sea, still reeling from their utter defeat.
But, they also deserve to have a future in a world without Sin.
Taking a deep breath, she stepped into the light.
Keyakku passed her, murmuring low words to his guards. Then he beckoned Rikku and the others to follow, leading them towards the ruptured stern of the catamaran. With a few more quiet commands, the remaining Al Bhed guards vacated the area.
At least he's giving us some privacy. Stepping towards the very edge of the boat, she remembered Auron's departure from the Fahrenheit. Don't look back, she told herself, keeping her eyes on the ocean.
Fear threatened to overwhelm her; she thought instead of Tidus, leaping fearlessly towards his fate. He managed to surface to a life in Besaid, she reminded herself. "Well? What are you waiting for?" she asked when the silence drew out.
"I'm sorry," Braska murmured, and the raw pain in his voice almost made her turn around. She heard the whisper of his robes as he began to dance.
Rikku kept her eyes open, watching the reflections of sunlight on the water. If I'm going back this way, I'm not doing it with my eyes shut, she promised. It was a pretty hard resolution to keep; the sunlight was bright, and not blinking was beginning to make her eyes sting and water. Moments ticked by, and she grew restless. To top it all off, her forehead was starting to itch, but she didn't dare move her hand; she didn't want to see her own body dissolving like one of the fiends she had so often fought.
Is it time for my dream to finally end?
The tension made her head buzz in a cacophony of fear, worry, and confusion. The sun blinded her eyes. Shifting waters blurred into a vision of pyreflies snaking through ethereally glowing flowers.
I won't regret my time here, she promised herself abruptly. I won't taint my memories like that.
But the thought of what she was leaving behind – and what she might have already changed – threatened her resolve. Would Tidus even understand her choice, sentencing his father to become Sin? What of Yuna, who had never wavered in her love for her own father? Braska would die unnecessarily, and the spiral of death would begin anew. Would Yuna and Tidus' future together survive the changes she'd already wrought?
And what of Auron? Will Auron – my Auron – understand why I had to do this? A shiver ran down her spine. Would she become the reason he grew into the bitter, reticent man of the future?
She couldn't hear anything through the dull roar in her ears – or was it the screaming of pyreflies? She felt distant. Disconnected from her own body. Almost as if she was floating away.
This what a Sending feels like, huh.
Jecht's loud voice cut through the white noise. "So… that's it, right? She ain't dead?"
Braska… had finished dancing? She was still alive?
The Farplane faded from Rikku's memory with a snap, leaving her with nothing more than a dull headache from staring at the sea for too long. Her legs abruptly folded and she pitched forward, unable to keep herself upright. Her forehead hit the deck with a thump – which conveniently also took care of the itch – and she slid her eyes shut. I'm still here. I'm not dead. Keyakku was wrong.
She heard a loud crack, followed by a grunt of pain. Turning her head sideways, she spotted Keyakku sprawled across the ground. Jecht was standing over him, rubbing his knuckles.
"Thanks," she croaked out.
"By the way. My name's Jecht, Asshole." Jecht stared down his nose at her brother. "I'd hit you again, but I gotta leave somethin' for Auron and Braska," he growled. "Mess with our heads one more time an' I'll be happy to reintroduce myself, though." He looked over at Auron. "Your turn."
Auron chose to forgo Jecht's offer in favor of kneeling by Rikku's side, helping her sit up. "Are you all right?" he asked, tracing his fingers over the new welt on her forehead. He dropped his hand, leaving it on her thigh.
Rikku considered the question. "No. No, I'm not all right. I'm really, really mad!" The bottom of Braska's robes came into view. He dropped to one knee beside her. "Thanks, I guess? And sorry… I really put you in a rough spot, huh? I'm trying not to make it a habit."
Braska stared at her; there was more color in his face, but he still looked tense and unhappy. "I should be the one apologizing. That I didn't believe you – " He shook his head. "But, we have more pressing matters at hand. Who are you, that my nephew believed you to be an Unsent?" he asked.
Right. Keyakku, the cause of this whole mess, had still gotten off with nothing more than a punch. Rikku ignored Braska and zeroed in on her brother instead, who was sitting up and rubbing his jaw. "Are you satisfied?" she growled.
"You still can't stay here." Keyakku returned her scowl. "I'm glad I was wrong, but you're just too dangerous on the loose. You can't keep travelling with those three."
"I'm not going to Home with you!" she shouted, balling her hands into fists. Auron startled, fingers spasming against her leg. "You can't make me!"
"I'm still older than you, Rikku, and you will do what I say!" Keyakku yelled back. "I'm taking you back to Father, and he'll decide what to do with you!"
"Silence!" Braska sat back on his heels, his tone commanding. "Kei. Do you even realize how worried you made us just now? Not to mention that you are only seventeen, and Rikku is your aunt. You are not making any sense, and are also being very disrespectful!"
"My what?" Keyakku asked, flabbergasted. "Rikku, what exactly did you tell these guys?"
"What do you mean?" Braska asked, his anger ebbing away to confusion.
"Rikku is not my aunt!" Keyakku rubbed his forehead and muttered, "I can't even wrap my brain around that one."
Braska regarded her appraisingly. "Who are you?"
Stupid! Rikku cursed herself. You knew Braska was fluent! She opened her mouth, searching for an answer, even as Braska trapped her under his stare.
"She's my little sister," Keyakku said, standing up and taking the choice out of her hands. "And she doesn't belong here. I don't know how she did it, but she fell out of her time and landed in ours."
"Keyakku! I'm gonna weld your mouth shut, I swear!"
Braska squinted and tilted his head. She wilted under his scrutiny.
"I thought you looked like Raenn. But... you also look like Cid." Then his eyes went wide. "Wait. I have a niece, Kei?"
"And another nephew," Keyakku added. "Rikku's the youngest, not that you can tell. Mom died a little while after Rikku was born. Which was five years ago."
Keyakku's explanation finally seemed to reach Braska. He sat back in shock; his staff clattered out of his hands. "Then you are…" he said.
Rikku attempted a grin and rubbed the back of her head. "Fast-growing?"
Braska looked like he might faint.
Whoops.
Auron tugged her attention back to him; she could see his temper teetering on the brink of 'finish what Sin started and sink the rest of the ship' as he tried to follow their conversation. "Someone better explain to me what this farce is all about, or people are going to get hurt." He looked at Keyakku. "Starting with him."
"Ah-ha!" Jecht exclaimed. "Hold yer chocobos, Auron, I think I got it!"
Everyone stared. Jecht's head was buried in the Al Bhed primer Keyakku had given him earlier.
"Meay-de-demah kueay-ku-deahn," he sounded out. "That means little sister, right?" He snapped the magazine closed and beamed, proud. "Blondie here is Asshole's little sister, I guess?" Then he looked at Rikku again with a frown. "Don't that make Braska your – "
"Stop," Braska said, paling. "For the love of Yevon, don't say it."
"Whoa. That's pretty damn trippy, Rie-Rie," Jecht continued. "So, like, did you eat some experimental Al Bhed growth hormones, or somethin' ?"
Braska groaned. "Please tell me that you're an adult, at least."
"Yes, I time traveled, okay?" Rikku hissed, narrowing her eyes into a Rikku Look Mark Die, Jecht.
Jecht only seemed enthused by her reply. "Whoa! Is there a copy of you here right now? How old is she? Can you even meet yourself like that?"
"Jecht! Shut up!" Auron yelled, then frowned at Rikku. "You… are from the future?" He weathered her nod slightly better than Braska had, which is to say he wasn't hyperventilating. Much. She supposed being a time traveler paled in comparison to being an Unsent, but he still didn't look happy to hear of her downgraded paranormal status.
"We need to talk inside," he managed.
And… just like that, the proverbial Coeurl was out of the bag.
She looked at them. Jecht was unphased, and no wonder, considering this was all icing on his own personal cake of secrets. Braska, likely still trying to confront the idea that he'd fallen in love with his niece, couldn't even meet her eyes, again. And Auron… well, Auron just looked pissed off. Good, she thought vindictively. I'll tell him where Keyakku sleeps.
She took a look at her companions, and slumped forward, exhausted. I don't think I've ever kept a secret that long in my life. Relief flooded her; she'd withstood Sin, Keyakku's judgement, and a Sending. All that was left was to survive the rest of Braska's Pilgrimage with the gang. No problem, right?
She chanced a glance at Auron, whose expression was thunderous.
… Riiight.
AN: edited 3 Sept 17 for some minor errors; most grammatical, some minor rephrasing, one timeline consistency error. I am still insanely thankful to the returning readers who have left touching, in-depth reviews about rediscovering this story. It means a lot to me to know I didn't lose all of you during that years-long hiatus, and that even after all this time has passed, you still enjoy the story enough to tell me about it.
You can pretty safely assume that the massive amount of italics in this chapter represents dialogue in Al Bhed. Other translations:
Meay-de-demah kueay-ku-deahn (phonetic) = "Meddma cecdan" = "Little sister"
The title comes from a common rearrangement of a quote by Aldous Huxley:
"Blood, as all men know, than water's thicker / But water's wider, thank the Lord, than blood."
The shortened modern version: "Blood is thicker, but water runs deeper."