A/N:I haven't been looking forward to writing this stretch of the story, especially considering the myriad of directions real life has taken me in the past few years. But I was looking back on what I produced during NaNoWriMo and I feel like I missed a ton of character development in those chapters because important things happened and I didn't want to write about them in depth in favor of just advancing the story. Well, let's rectify that now.
67: Guardians
The memories were coming back faster and more vivid than before. A back, ramrod straight, striding out to face her destiny, just like Braska was now. Both of them certain of their fate, and doing nothing to turn away from it: father and daughter, more alike than ever before. And Auron… Rikku half-turned to face him.
They'd given him a wide berth, once he'd started screaming wordlessly and taking apart the cavern with his sword. He stood there, bathed in sweat, his hair disheveled, panting. Never before had the first Auron she'd met looked so different from who he was at this moment. This man who still lived and breathed was a volatile mix of desperation and disillusionment. He looked… just like Tidus had, she realized. Minus the tears.
Jecht, at least, was waiting for Braska at the cavern's exit. He traded a glance with Rikku, his eyes pinched and worried. You got him under control? he seemed to be asking.
That almost made her giggle. Jecht, of all people, taking responsibility for Braska's safety! Even now, even with the weight of the Scar and his son being close enough for him to feel. After meeting his own creators, long lost and dreaming, he finally knew with certainty that Tidus – that all of his old life – was decisively unreachable. Maybe… faced with the realization of having lost his real family, Jecht was holding on to the fraying remains of his found one with everything he had.
He really is the strongest one, she though disjointedly. He's doing so much better than the rest of us.
She wished she could be half as certain and answer Jecht with a confident nod. She wished she had that power; that she could just say yes and grab Auron, ground him with a kiss or a hug or a soft touch, and pull him out of his misery. She wished she was enough. But all of her talks with him couldn't stop the erosion of his beliefs. Auron loved her, but he was starting to realize that just as he could no longer live for Braska's Pilgrimage, he also he couldn't live just for her in its aftermath. He'd paved this route for them with his own hands, and there would be no escape from that truth, with or without her.
Besides… even if he could accept it, Rikku wasn't even sure she could handle that responsibility, not when she hadn't shared the truth about the future with him. She'd shared fragments of her reality with each of them, but never a whole picture. And the biggest fragment of that truth, of Spira's future, was held by Braska alone.
Whose fault was it that they were falling apart? It would be so easy to blame him for being so stubborn, yet so brittle. He looked like a madman, tearing up the cavern like it was Sin itself. That anger at the lies, the corruption of death that met them every step of the way, at Yevon itself… it was just as much anger at himself, for having let the Pilgrimage come this far.
She knew it was her time now; her chance to support this broken man and reassure him that everything they'd done, everything they'd achieved thus far had a point. He was, in his own way, actively seeking her comfort. He'd dreamed about starting a family with her, and she'd agreed to it.
But they weren't connecting, not like before. It was as if he could sense the wall she'd put up between them when he needed her the most. He was still jealous of Braska, but it wasn't for fear of losing her body or even her heart.
"You… and Braska both… you are my suffering."
Some part of him must have understood that he was being betrayed by the two people he loved on a more fundamental level. His foundations were crumbling just as fast as the cavern walls he'd destroyed, and that was her fault. His steel and sharpness, everything that had attracted her to him, had turned brittle and was shattering under the collected weight of the deadly truth resting just beneath her own lies. I'm not the cure, she realized with a sinking feeling. I'm the reason. Even now, Auron didn't hear her, still staring wild-eyed at the wall.
Dream Eater. That's what Belgemine had called her.
"You have to choose what you love more in the end…"
Rikku had thought the Farplane Auron's question was one she had to answer, a question she was still wrestling with. But now, as she watched Auron fall apart, she realized she'd been answering it all this time. And the answer… hadn't been Auron.
Why did he ask me, if he already knew?
Auron raised his sword again, and she couldn't stand by and watch anymore; it hurt too much. So she threw herself at him. It was as pathetic and desperate a move as she felt, but flinging herself into the unknown was what she did best. Even though witnessing this Auron turning into a closed-off stranger again sent prickly spikes of pain into her soul. Her hands closed around his chest, and she pulled back with all her strength. She pulled him away from the darkness and rubble, forwards towards the twilight sunset that framed both Jecht and Braska.
"Please," she gasped, because he was heavy, and he wasn't willing – "please, Auron! Come back. We need you! Braska needs you!"
That finally stilled him. He turned to face her, dark eyes wide against pale skin. "Why?" he asked, his voice cracked and ragged. "We should stop. Coming here… it was a mistake!"
She leaned against him, resting her forehead on his back. "We've gotta see it to the end, though. You know it. Mistake or not, we can't just stop anymore." She swallowed. "You and I can't keep the future from coming."
He was silent for a long while. Then he shrugged her arms off. She opened her eyes when she heard the ring of his sword sheathing. "We could have at least tried to push it back." He brushed past her, falling back onto his familiar crutches of duty and devotion – the tenets of his life that had always held him together. By the time he neared the other two he was holding himself nearly as stiffly as Braska and had smoothed out the dust and pebbles from his hair.
"So," he said, pressing himself to the side of the cavern walls. He peered out to view the creature waiting for them outside. "Lady Yunalesca not only lives, but sends us fiends to test us? I shouldn't be surprised anymore, and yet here we are."
"'Ey," Jecht said uncomfortably, forgoing his usual nicknames for Auron. "Are you alright, man?" He spared a glance at Braska and made a face, then edged closer to the summoner to block his path towards the exit. Judging from the way Braska's shoulders twitched at the motion, Jecht's next words were bald-faced lies. "We don't gotta do this right now if you ain't ready, Auron. We got all the time in the world. That thing out there don't look like a walk in the park."
Auron spared a brief, honest look for Jecht. "I'm never going to be ready. But it looks like Lord Braska can't spare us any time." His gaze settled on her. "At least you can make us less of a sacrifice than we already are." The words were biting, even though the accusation wasn't really directed at her. Still… it was the first time he hadn't waited to see if she would offer any information. His patience was frayed; this time, he demanded an answer.
Guilt moved Rikku to comply. "It's Yunalesca's Sanctuary Keeper—"
"You shouldn't speak to her like that," Braska interrupted, almost too softly. "This Pilgrimage has never been Rikku's decision. Nor was it ever yours, Auron."
Forgetting about the dragon, Auron pulled himself off of the wall and bristled.
Fortunately, Jecht stepped in before their tensions evolved into an actual fight. "Uhh…." He shuffled even further forward, blocking Braska from Auron's bleak glare. "Maybe save some o' that vibe for the thing outside, yeah? Blondie, little help here?"
"Right!" Rikku squeaked. "Yunalesca sends it to test the strength of the Pilgrimage. Even though it's not particularly strong, it's a lot smarter than other fiends. Oh! When it raises its wings to the sky, we all have to take cover. But when it starts glowing and opening its mouth, well…"
She tried to block out the memory of painfully coming out of a stupor only to see Tidus flat on his back from one of her frag grenades, and Auron glaring at her with his fist planted squarely in her stomach. He'd turned around and eaten the fiend's mana breath right after, dropping at her feet. If it hadn't been for Kimahri and his White Wind, Yuna's Pilgrimage might have ended right there.
"… yeeaaaah, it wasn't good," she continued, shaking off the bad memories. Really not looking forward to doing this again. "So if it's looking at you, take cover. I'd like to say they're all powerful mana attacks, but… its claws are just as deadly as its breath." She shivered. "Just focus on healing yourselves and hitting it until it drops. Trying to outsmart it in a magic battle isn't really... well, I mean, I guess you can bring out Anima or Yojimbo if it gets bad," she said lamely to Braska.
"… A challenge worthy of the First," he said after a few moments. "Well… I have never backed down from a challenge. Shall we?"
Jecht was holding his fingers up in the familiar box, squinting at the Keeper, which was pawing the ground impatiently outside. "S'too far to get a good read on it," he cursed. "Well, when in doubt…" Magic flared to life around them as Jecht's spell slowed the world down to a crawl. "Then we hit 'em first," he said, hefting the Fang over his shoulder and dropping into a crouch.
The dragon tensed, as if it could taste the magic energy Jecht cast into the air, and Rikku broke into a cold sweat. The Sanctuary Keeper was smart; it was the culmination of fiendish intelligence that had been sharpened on countless failed Pilgrimages that had made it this far up the mountain. Unlike most other fiends, it seemed to have an almost human mind, as well as a uniquely human cruel streak when it attacked. Knowing what was coming, she made her feet move. They skipped over the rocky ground with a speed that outmatched even Jecht's Hastega, driven by the celestial power of her Godhand.
She slid to a stop before it, dwarfed by its size. The Godhand sparked, crackling with energy, and she drove her hand through it, parting its scales easily. The Keeper roared in pain despite her quest to reach into its very soul because her weapon stayed solid, tearing through tough outer scaling and biting into the flesh below. Her fingers closed around an incorporeal memory: Yunalesca, masked by the long shroud of her white hair, tears streaming from her eyes as she kneeled before her husband's Fayth stone. Rikku was overwhelmed by feelings of pity, jealousy, and... satisfaction. A priest, then, who'd loved the High Summoner… and still served her faithfully a thousand years later. Her hand closed around the object, ripping it out as the Keeper let out a wounded, keening cry.
The Turbo Ether glittered in her hand, the beast's power made real as she pulled it back into reality. She'd hurt it, and it swiped at her even as she ducked away. Massive claws scraped harmlessly over her back, and Rikku shifted her weight, turning her fall into a twist while she brought the Godhand up against its palm, smashing through a few of its meaty bones in a counterattack that punched straight through its paw. The momentum of her spin brought her out of its range, stumbling and gasping, even as she fumbled her prize into her belt pouch.
"Shit, I think you made it mad," Jecht yelled as he finally caught up with and then passed her. When he was close enough, he stopped and leaned back, tossing his sword towards the floundering fiend like a lance. His eyes narrowed in concentration as he held his hands out, seeming to will the Fang to move. It struck at one of the massive wings, severing a few of the tendons connecting the stringy mass together, before spinning and catching a few more on the way back. Leaping, Jecht pulled his sword out of the air like a boomerang, and then let out a yell of surprise as the Keeper lunged forward at him, jaws snapping.
He wasn't fast enough, and the Keeper's maw closed around his lower leg. Jecht howled in pain, but his hand dropped at the same time, swinging the Fang down in a powerful swipe that knocked the dragon off of his leg before it could be severed by the fiend's bite. "Damn, it's fast!" he gasped, rolling away from it and favoring his uninjured leg.
Braska's healing magic descended over Jecht in a wash of color and light, closing the wounds as he joined them. "How can something of that size move so quickly, even against our magical speed?" he asked, eyes wide.
His answer came as the Sanctuary Keeper took two steps back, head lowered, and let out a roar. Magic washed over its body as the familiar warm light of the Haste spell it cast ended the illusion of their own speed and instead made it seem as if merely the rest of the world had slowed down around them all.
"Take cover!" Rikku yelled, trying to gain some distance from the others even as she saw the Keeper's hide ripple. Its wings rose towards the sky, humming with power. There was a deceptively quiet puff as a wash of light erupted from its back. Rikku barely had time to raise the Godhand over her head before the rain of energy blasted all around her, shattering rocks and clouding her vision in a burst of dust and raw pain. Her skin was on fire and her lungs burned from the scorching light; she felt the sting of gravel biting against new wounds as it flew through the air and settled against her. But the Godhand was burning hotter, as if in warning, and she swung it in a wild arc despite being unable to see a thing.
The back of her hand met resistance, and reflexively, she pushed against it. The dust cleared and dimly she saw she'd knocked away what turned out to be the Sanctuary Keeper's claw in her blind attack. Stumbling backwards, Rikku flailed, realizing that her loss of sight was persistent. She fumbled in her pouch for eye drops, thankful that she at least hadn't fallen into a stupor from the wing attack.
The moment of distraction nearly cost her; her vision cleared, and she saw Auron running interference before the Sanctuary Keeper could follow up and snap at her. He blocked another attack coming at her with the broad side of his sword, grunting as he deflected the creature's leg to his side. Spinning, he flipped the Ashura into both hands and leapt, bringing it down in a powerful stab that cut through the fiend's scales like they were paper. He managed to arch away from the answering swipe and held his sword at the ready, his feet slowly pacing around the fiend.
The Sanctuary Keeper roared in answer, and four rotating circles of arcane script flickered to life around its jaws as it inhaled. They glowed brightly when it let out its breath, releasing a furious beam of pure mana than lanced directly through Auron's chest. It threw him back several feet, shattering the shield of protection Braska had placed around him. He rolled to a stop, limp like a ragdoll, only to rise again as the telltale flicker of Braska's magic brought him back to his feet immediately, bruised and swaying.
She saw the fiend reaching for him again, drawing its arm back. "No!" she screamed, her fingers closing around a smoke bomb that she hurled at its face. Jecht had the same idea, and rushed in with a series of swift sword strikes on the heels of her bomb, the Fang flashing around him as he tried to distract it from reaching Auron.
Incensed, the dragon raised its wings again. Rather than diving for cover, Rikku activated her Garment Grid. The familiar light that surrounded her was much less painful; her worries lifted and she felt light on her feet as she snapped her cards around herself.
"Ohh… enough already!" she groaned as the Sanctuary Keeper's wing attack buffeted her, again. This time, though, she fanned her cards out and swept them down with an impatient flick. The heat of the blast still made her feel like a broiled duck, but her luck held as she shrugged off the disabling effects, blowing the negative energies she felt swirling behind the attack away with the simple motion.
A quick glance told her that the others weren't as lucky; Jecht was stumbling, a look of confusion across his face as his blind eyes stared blankly over the field. Auron was down on one knee, and Braska… he seemed to be stunned into a stupor, his staff hanging limply in his hands and his eyes half-closed.
The Sanctuary Keeper was turning, planning to sweep them all off the mountainside, apparently, with its massive tail. "Well then… let's play," Rikku cooed, putting her hand to her grid and feeling Lady Luck's flightiness leave her. The warm sweep of Auron's power rapidly took over. Her steps stumbled a bit; just as he'd faltered on Gagazet, she could feel the strength of her own costume wavering. Still, her hand tightened around the sword handle that materialized; there was no time for doubt.
She flung herself into the path of the dragon's tail, her Ashura already in hand, broad side out. With a grunt, she blocked the tail sweep, her feet skidding against the rock as it pushed her back.
When it spun around, furious, and attempted to rake her sword away, its claws met no purchase. She'd switched costumes already. Now, Braska's power supplemented her own strength instead. She threw her head back and let out a loud, angry howl, simply absorbing the force of the strike against her forearm and using it to channel her fury, not really feeling the damage she knew it was doing to her body.
The Keeper backed away from her, opening its mouth as the concentric rings flickered to life. "Just try it," she snarled, rushing it head on as it powered up. One leap and mid-air twist brought her out of the path of the blast, and the landing foot she smashed into its snout forced its energy beam to tear a swath into the ground instead, shattering some of the mountain behind her.
When the fiend raised its head, incensed, she used the momentum to jump towards its back. With her claws extended, she hooked the stringy flesh that made up the posterior wing Jecht had already damaged into a bundle against her elbow on the way up. Gravity swiftly brought her towards the ground, and she waited until she'd slid closer to the fiend's back – where the joint of the wing held it in place – to pull her elbow tight to her chest, snapping the grisly bundle at an odd angle away from the fiend's body with a grunt. Her landing took care of the rest, severing the remaining bones so that the one wing hung uselessly at the fiend's side, dragging along the ground.
"How do you like me now?" she laughed as the dragon thrashed and whirled around to face her, eyes wild. It attempted to swipe her with a claw, but Rikku was already back flipping away from its reach. She landed in a crouch beside Auron, who in the process of casting an Esuna over Braska.
The Berserker costume faded and she panted, trying to catch her breath from the rapid chain of costume changes. The boys' impulses to act independently were reverberating through her bones, even though she was herself again. No matter how close they became as friends, it was undeniable: Jecht, Auron, and Braska still fought entirely differently from one another. The resulting clash made her feel like she wanted to vomit on her shoes right then and there.
"It shouldn't be able to wing attack us anymore," she wheezed, watching Braska slip out of his stupor next to her.
"Wha—?" he mumbled, gasping as Auron pushed him against Rikku.
"Take care of Jecht!" he yelled, seeing a break in the Sanctuary Keeper's defenses as it tried futilely to bring its broken wing to bear for another area attack. His sword was a flicker of steel; he twirled it around and began to slice mercilessly at the fiend, not giving it any chance to counter his strikes.
Grabbing Braska by the shoulders, Rikku turned him in Jecht's direction – the other man was wandering dangerously close to the cliff's edge all on his own, still confused and blinded. She felt Braska chanting another Esuna, and left him to spin around and send an Al Bhed potion hurtling towards Auron's back. It smashed against the back of his head, and as it dribbled down his neck, his shoulders straightened and his sword flashed. The ring of bone armor surrounding the Sanctuary Keeper's head shattered under the weight of the blow.
"Jecht!" Auron yelled, backing away even as the fiend turned on him, eyes blazing and claws lifted.
It didn't even see Jecht coming from behind with a raised sword. Jecht leapt into the air and with one final, mighty sweep, severed the Sanctuary Keeper's head from its neck, sending it into a bouncing roll off of the cliffside. The dragon's body sluggishly came down on all fours and stepped to the side.
Everyone jumped back, but it merely collapsed, its legs folding underneath it as it erupted into an enormous fountain of pyreflies. Eventually, the light faded, leaving the four of them sprawled across the ground, panting and spent.
"Yup," Rikku wheezed, letting out a laugh that turned into a wet cough. "That was nuts." Then, giving in, she rolled over, pushed herself up on her hands, and lost the contents of her stomach. She felt a little better afterwards, and wiping her mouth, sat up and looked over her shoulder.
Jecht was sitting on the ground, his sword laid out by his side. He was inspecting the new set of teeth marks on his calf with a grimace, waiting his turn for Braska to have a look at them.
Braska was standing over Auron, who had fallen, once again, to one knee. The wounds on Auron's body were more apparent now that he was no longer moving. Soft green light enveloped him from Braska's magic; the summoner's eyes were closed in intense concentration. That wasn't what caught Rikku's attention, though.
It was the look on Auron's face as he watched Braska's. Realization, mixed with terror. His expression was a wound rawer than anything the fiend had torn open. The idolization of his Summoner, his blind faith in Yevon's teachings, all of that had died a slow and final death over the course of their travels together. Even their friendship had grown frayed, tested by both herself and this Pilgrimage. But underneath that all, Auron's love for Braska remained, no matter what had happened.
Her heart clenched in her chest, and Auron's expression closed as the magic faded away.
"How are you feeling?" Opening his eyes, Braska smiled at Auron – unintentionally cruel, and the other man swayed. "Auron?!"
"I'm fine," he grit out, pushing Braska away and coming to his feet. His eyes met hers as he made to leave, and he froze. Then he turned his head away from her, his jaw set. "Look after Jecht."
Braska murmured in soft assent, turning his attention to the other man as instructed, and Rikku watched Auron stalk off to the side of the cliff to survey the ruins of Zanarkand.
The battle against the Sanctuary Keeper had been the easier part of all of this after all. She crept behind him and shielded her eyes against the setting sun that glinted over the ruined domes. If she squinted, she could almost imagine it whole again; it was just a brief illusion in the fading light.
"Thank you for fighting for us," she whispered into his back, clasping onto his robe and giving it a soft tug. "Even though I know you don't want to anymore."
"Your bond with Braska," Auron replied ever-so-softly, not turning to face her. "It's this. It's your future. The one you can't…" His voice cracked, and he turned to look at her. "Or won't change. You both know. You… you've always known. One of you will die. And Braska would never let it be you." He stared, and she could swear he could read her. The way he'd always seemed to be able to read her, from the first time they'd met, on the first Pilgrimage. The distance between her two memories of Auron crumbled a little more; it was like watching the younger one disappear, albeit slowly. "You're letting him do this. And you won't tell me why."
For you, she wanted to say. I'm doing this for you. "I want my future…" she managed. And I want to save you, she left out. "And Braska… is the price."
"And he is fine with this, of course. As I now need to be. A Summoner's privilege." He turned away and laughed softly, without mirth. "Some Guardian I am." The unspoken accusation, the one his love couldn't bring him to bear against her, echoed between them; that she was supposed to be a Guardian, too.
"Yeah," she echoed, her fingers fisting into his robe, unwilling to let him go. "I'm sorry."
His jaw worked, and a pained sigh escaped him as his arm scooped her close to his chest. He dropped his head into her mop of blond hair. "I don't know what to do," he whispered, his grip around her tightening. "But I can't do this, Rikku. I can't."
"You have to," she said, squeezing her eyes shut, feeling the fragile future and the knife's edge she was walking all around her, even in Auron's touch. "We all do." And she felt herself lose just a little more of her grasp on him as she spoke. He was slipping through her fingers like Bikanel's sand.
His arms dropped away from her. "Yes," was all he finally said, and he turned away from her to watch Zanarkand fall into darkness. "When Braska is ready."