The soft click of the door closing behind her triggered the sag in her shoulders. The words that the Doctor has just taught her knocked around in her brain. My name is Pandora, I was found by Daryl and Aaron, I am safe in Alexandria. These are things that no matter what she knew to be true. Right now at least these things were true now, behind these walls she was safe. Every time she repeated the words her hold on the world in front of her seemed a little more solid.
Now with her mantra in her head, she could focus enough to only turn on one set of bathroom lights and head to the shower. Her fingers brushed on the helm of the t-shirt she as wearing, wait for a t-shirt, she wasn't sure when she had put that one. Under the t-shirt was a pair of gym shorts loose fitting hanging around the poor excuse for her legs. Part of her mind panicked, why couldn't she remember putting on clothes, that was important.
Everything, since she had woken up the first time, was only bits and pieces, most of it was dreams. She still had a hard time separating what really happened, and what she dreamed about. Fingers and hands in the dark, but also a man with bright blue eyes and a doctor with a kind voice. Which one was true here now, hands clenched tight the panic flared up choking her.
"My name is Pandora, I was found by Daryl and Aaron, I am safe in Alexandria." It took a few times of her repeating the words before she was able to step into the shower still trembling. With a shaking hand she turned on the water making sure it was slightly above warm, the heat kept her grounded and in control.
The shower was large, three glass paneled walls against a white tile. Her eyes scanned the sides, there hanging on the shower head was a wire shelf filled with anything she might need. It seemed so out of place, the little bottle of shampoo and conditioner, the small bar of soap. Outside the dead were walking but here, here she could smell like warm vanilla sugar.
A content sigh escaped her lips as the little rivulets of water ran down her skin. Pandora avoided the glass, not sure she was ready to look at her own reflection. Instead, she looked down watching the dirty water run down the drain, first a deep red, blood and dirt she guessed, then it changed to a dirty grey colour until it finally ran clean. Again she sighed pressing her back against the glass letting herself sink down onto the warm tile floor.
The water streamed down her face, the moisture weighing her thick wavy hair. Her neck bowed under the weight of it and the steady stream of the water. Knees tucked up her chest she curled into herself. Feeling the water pool in the curves and hollows of her body, it slipped over running down in larger streams. Pandora watched the water running over the multi colours bruising that covered her skin, her stomach turned but she tore her eyes away pressing her face into her knees.
Her mind wondered then a dangerous activity these days, but still, there were a few things she did not quite understand. The water running over her skin helped her understand that this was the real moment, her sitting in the shower anything else was her mind playing tricks. I need to know she told herself. There were too many things she didn't understand, too many times she was not present in the moment.
She remembers when they tied her to the tree, remember when he raped her again.
The memory threatened to surface, but she moved on cataloguing the event in her mind. Then she was here waking up, screaming pulling out her IV. Pandora remembers hearing Daryl now something she didn't remember before, but no somewhere in her mind, she heard his horse voice whispering to her in the darkness.
She was there again feeling the hands trying to her down, she remembered the feeling of her hand contacting with flesh, a grunt of pain and the smell of blood.
Then she was pulling at her own skin trying to remove what held her, but she only found skin and kept tearing it bloody. Fingered flicked up to her neck, ah there is was. Lines of skin scratched raw to the point of bleeding, lightly scabbed over now as that was. When did she do that? A few hours ago? Days ago maybe, yes it had to be days.
"Ya tried to hurt ya self, tried to hurt us." She remembered hearing that too, shame flared up inside her triggering a flow of tears. She had hit him, the man who saved her took care of her, what kind of a person was she. The sobs came them loud and hard, tearing their way through her body. She tried to quiet them, hands pressed tightly over her mouth, they never stopped. Suddenly she couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't gain control. It was too much, her body felt raw every nerve on fire.
The shower water was rain suddenly like it had been the day they were all taken. The rain making them slow forcing them to stop, causing them to be found. She tried to stop it, cover her head with her arms, she wanted to tell everyone that they could not stop running. But when she looked up, the room was empty. Her own haunted hollow face staring back at her through the glass, features twisted in agony.
Somewhere to left, she heard footsteps, the door of the shower opened. Then she was standing a large warm towel wrapped around her, her fingers tightened around to try and stop she shaking. Everything seems too loud too bright. Somewhere she heard laughing, a voice telling her this world was for the dead now.
"Pandora, Pandora? Pandora?" She blinked eyes swinging up to meet Daryl's. His voice centered her, and she nodded. How long had he been calling her she wondered tilting her head to the side? A while she thought, the tears had stopped now, her face still slightly damp. "Ya need your wounds cleaned, can Ah do it or do you want the Doc to do it?"
Wounds? she thought. Yes, she did feel them, stinging in her arm, a tight feeling in her side when she took a breath, other small aches, and pains. She blinked a few more times, trying to form the words. Her brain stopped and started like a car with a bad battery. She raised her hand and touched his leather vest, the towel wasn't around her anymore. In fact, she was dressed she could feel the materials brushing against her skin lightly.
"Ya want me?" Daryl asked again snapping her back to the present moment. Pandora nodded slowly her hand still tightened around his vest. "Come 'ere then." Daryl gently grasped her elbow turning and leading her back to the room. "You gotta sit." He murmured leading her to the bed and easing her down gently.
Pandora tried to keep track of how many wounds he cleaned and took care of, but her mind wondered again unable to keep a count. She heard him speaking to her as he worked, but her mind couldn't seem to get the words to make sense. It didn't matter the warmth of his hands and the numbing of the pain while he worked lulled her into sleep.
Sleep again, her mind raged against it. She had just gotten up, sleep again. Her body fought her harder, though, the pulls of sleep making her limbs heavy. Being crazy sure makes you tired she mused to herself feeling her blinks getting longer and longer. Her head fell forward, damp locks falling over to cover her face.
"Hey, hey." She heard him say. His fingers touched her hair moving it from her eyes, then she felt him slowly leaning her backwards until she way laying back in the bed. "Alright, sleep then, your all right." That was the last thing she heard again before she was slipping away into sleep, she didn't even notice her fingers gripping tightly to his vest.
When she was finally sleeping Daryl moved to sit down, her sleep her fingers loosened on his vest, until it fell at her side. He watched her for a moment sighing, running his hand over his face. She was better, he could tell. She had let him clean her wounds touch her more then she had let anyone touch her since she got here. It was good to see every day a little bit better, but still, he wondered.
He wondered if the torment she had been through would ever really go away. Something like that he shuttered, something like that you didn't just come back from, not right away. He glanced out the window, the sky was beginning to lighten. He had sent Denise away an hour ago, telling her he had gotten enough sleep already. Slumping down lower in the chair his arms crossed over his chest, might as well try and get some more sleep while he could, maybe he had lied to the Doc a bit he could always use more sleep.