Hello! Happy Sunday readers! So tonight is the big night! I'm nervous and excited, I have been watching the marathon of AMC yesterday and today, it's getting me pumped. Anyway here is the new chapter! We are all caught up with the show now so let's get right to it!
Chapter 8 trying
It was all she could do to not stop running, stop even for a moment and they'd find you. Somewhere, a voice whispered that they would always find her. The darkness surrounded her, whispering the promises of the pain to come the moment she stopped moving. A scream tore its way from her throat but still she clawed at the hands holding her down. It was too late, the sharp taste of blood in her mouth and the feeling of fingers pulling at the helm of her clothing told her that they had her.
She tried to tell herself it didn't matter, always fight because not fighting meant death and she was not ready to die. Somewhere from beyond the darkness, a voice called to her with whispers of safe places, walls of people taking care of her, but they couldn't cut through the panic. The darkness floated around her, forming into hands, grabbing and pulling, and still she screamed.
"Pandora!" someone was screaming her name she felt warm hands on her face and then suddenly, there was blue. Blue eyes, the smell of stale cigarettes and fresh motor oil and she knew she was awake, looking into the concerned face of Daryl.
Part of her mind knew that she was safe with him, safe here, but another part of her mind was still somewhere else stumbling in the darkness.
Light flickers on then and the furniture and walls of her room became illuminated with the burning glow of the bulb from the ceiling. Voices surround her asking questions, barking orders. She heard the sound of glass clinking, and the deafening sound of someone screaming. Where was the screaming coming from? She pressed her hands firmly on her ears to try and stop the sound, making her realize that the screaming was coming from her, a deep sound crawling its way up through her open mouth.
"Look at me!" He said to her. She blinked, trying to focus, look at Daryl she told herself, shut your mouth and look at Daryl. The screaming stopped, only to be replaced with broken sobs. She tried to cover her mouth to stop them, but found his fingers locked tight around her wrists now. He was speaking to her again the words were lost, but the rumble in his chest provided peace from the sounds in her head.
She leaned in pressing her trembling head to his chest, felt him stiffen momentarily and then arms were locked around her, rubbing slow calm circles on her back.
"S'right" he kept telling her softly as he held her.
When she was finally calm, the only thing she felt in the wake of her panic was shame. This is the third night in a row she had woken up screaming, woken up and needed him to hold her down and bring her back from nightmares. Denise kept telling her that talk therapy would help but more and more she was beginning to think that she was beyond that. She felt if she didn't find a way to live with what happened it would eat her up.
Before she realized it, she was waking up again as she had fallen asleep when Daryl was holding her. Sunlight was streaming from the window and Daryl's deep breathing was coming from the newly added single bed across the room. Shame flared up again, almost causing the tears that were now pooling in her eyes to run down her cheeks. She shifted one arm to cover her face, she heard him shift as well and peeking from under her arm she realized he was watching her.
She watched him lean back to stretch and run a hand over his eyes to clear away the sleep. Something crossed his face and he opened his mouth slightly as if to speak. She was already slipping out of the bed, opening the bathroom door and letting it close with a click behind her. For a long while she didn't move, she just stood there pressing herself against the door to listen to the sound of him get up and leave. Only when she was sure that he had gone back to his own room did she turn on the water and step in.
A sigh escaped her lips as the warm water ran over her body. It had been a long week of answering direct questions about the Wolves, an interview with Deanna, therapy, and meeting Rick and answering his questions. It had all sent her spiralling back down, blowing her coping skills out of the water.
When she was washed and dressed she headed right for the kitchen. The hospital kitchen was usually pretty empty as Denise was still living in her own apartment thus not really stocking food here. Daryl had become her makeshift nurse, making sure she was always fed and watered.
With a sigh, she followed the smell of smoke. Outside, she found Daryl on the porch smoking another cigarette, two protein bars and a bottle of water sitting on the table beside him. The moment she closed the door behind her, she was already opening her mouth to apologize but he was handing her a protein bar instead.
"Doc says no therapy today." The relief in her face made him smile slightly. "Ahm take you out. We are going to the quarry today to go over the plan. Everyone will be there, it's safe."
Chewing slowly, she watched him as she mulled over his words. The idea of leaving the safety behind these walls was both thrilling and terrifying. She knew that with him was the safest she felt in a long time, if he was going outside the walls so was she.
"Ok," Nodding, she finished the rest of the bar slightly dissatisfied as the slight rumble in her stomach was still there. Then, Daryl was nudging another one into her hand. They had developed a non-verbal form of communication. She was not sure when or how it even worked, but they always seemed to be one step ahead of each other. Or he was one step ahead of her at least, always knowing what she wanted or needed before she said anything.
"I gotta go talk to Rick, we leave in an hour." Daryl had been getting better with leaving her alone now, letting her wander inside the walls herself. She had taken to staying with Abraham while he was on watch.
He was good for both conversation but also provided company for when she just wanted silence. Watching Daryl go, she turned and headed to the tower she knew Abraham would be keeping guard in. Climbing the ladder, she found him sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall.
"Hey, rough night?" He asked. His house was located pretty close to the hospital so recently he had been coming to check in on her. He even spent the night sometimes to give Daryl a break. Pandora guessed he had either heard her, or someone had called him to come over.
She only nodded, crossing her arms and leaning over the edge of the wall. The air was warm, summer still maybe but it was hard to tell. She had stopped keeping track of the days a long time ago and was too frightened to ask if anyone else still knew. The idea of knowing how much time she had lived in this new world was not something she was interested in right now.
"Are you going to the quarry today?" She tried to keep her tone light, causal even. Not that it mattered as Abraham always seemed to have a nose for her bullshit.
"Ya, who's asking?" His tone was hard, face set in harsh lines under the bushy red beard.
"Daryl is taking me with him." She whispered, turning her back to him. The tone of his voice was grating her nerves, making her think that maybe he was right and she shouldn't be going out. Hands tightened into fists over the railing to stop the shaking.
"The hell he is." Abraham spat, getting to his feet. Leaning over the railing he held his hand over his eyes to shield them from the sun to search the street below them. "Hey Holly!"
Everything seemed too loud and bright again; she turned, not wanting to deal with this right now and made her way back to the ladder.
"Don't you move!" He snapped, pointing a finger right at her but still keeping his eyes on Holly. "Can you start a bit early? Got something to take care of"
She heard the other women respond with an affirmative from her spot on the ground. A slight tremble had taken up residence in her bones. Blinking, she found Abraham in front of her.
"Let's go." He snapped, starting down the ladder knowing that she would follow. When they reached the ground, Holly climbed up after them, nodding hello to them both. When Holly was out of sight, he tried to reach for her arm, but seeing her flinch he stepped back shaking his head and headed walking towards Rick's place.
Pandora followed a few steps behind him, her frame shook harder with every step. Abraham meant well that was clear, but he also had a habit of setting off her many triggers without really noticing. It wasn't until this moment that she realized she actually did want to see what was outside the walls. Now that Abraham was going to argue with Daryl she was worried he would change his mind.
When he reached Rick's house, he didn't knock she noted but only turned the handle and stepped in. She stepped in behind him, hands flying out to grip his shirt when she realized the room was full of people.
A sharp intake of breath made Daryl glance around Abraham to look at her. He wore his trademark scowl; she wanted to shrink back into herself. There were hands on her suddenly, looking to her right she found Rosita. Who was already pulling her into the corner of the room, away from the prying eyes.
Rick turned at the interruption, when his gaze locked on her, something she couldn't place flickered in his eyes. Colour rose up into her cheeks; she knew he wasn't her biggest fan. To him, she was just as bad as the people who were living here, people who shouldn't be alive now.
"Um everyone be ready to meet back here in an hour." He finally said after the stretching silence. When the room was clear, he crossed his arms over his chest and cast a glance at her before moving to Abraham.
"You are not taking her out there." Abraham thundered. "I don't give a goat's nut how safe you think it is."
Rick sighed, Daryl kept his eyes on Pandora while speaking.
"Ahm take her, I can keep her safe. We ain't doing nothing just looking."
She must have started shaking again because Rosita held her tighter leaning to ask her what number she was on in a soft whisper. Slowly she raised four shaking fingers. Not speaking, the other woman took her by the shoulders and led her out to the back of the house. Once outside, Pandora lowered herself onto the wooden steps of the deck, Rosita sat beside her.
"Just breathe like me ok?" Rosita said as she squatted in front of Pandora so she could see the rise and fall of her chest. Bits of the voices from inside the house flowed towards her, but she was too far to make out the words.
Rosita chatting beside her as she waited, her voice was calming even if Pandora didn't catch all of the words she said. After some time, a heavy hand touched her shoulder. She looked up, meeting Daryl's eyes, he held out a hand to help her up.
"How was she?" She heard him ask Rosita.
"A little shaken up at first, but she calmed down. Just been sitting here listening to me the talk the whole time."
"Thanks."
"No problem"
Pandora hadn't noticed they had left until she was already stepping in to the front door of his house, the one he shared with Rick and the others. Leaning into her field of vision he touched her arms lightly, causing her to focus more.
"Ya can say no, you don't have to come."
She was shaking her head no. "I'd like to see out there." She whispered.
Nodding, he left the room and came back with a black backpack. Moving behind her, he slipped it over her shoulders. She didn't have to ask what was in it, she was guessing food, water and medical supplies as you could never really be ready for leaving the walls.
"Come on." He said finally, grabbing his own gear and heading for the door. Watching his back for a moment, she followed him and shut the door behind her when she stepped outside.
He was in the driveway already, clipping his bag to the bike. They had been practicing her riding on the back of his bike but he had only taken her around the outside of the wall, never further than that.
Without a word, she started walking to the front gate as the group was already making their way towards there. Within a moment Daryl was beside her walking his bike.
Rick was talking to the group again, seeing who would ride with whom. When everyone was in cars and ready, Daryl slipped onto the bike. Pandora came up behind him and slid into the seat, arms tightening around his waist.
Before she knew it, they were speeding down the street, weaving around the cars until they were in the front. She didn't even have time to think about how she was outside the walls right now. The only thing she could do was hold on; her arms were tightening around the hard muscle of his torso. She pressed her head to his back, one ear flat against him. Despite the wind whipping around her arms, she felt a smile tugging on her lips.
The bike always made her feel grounded. The movement and the sound were so clear that they cut through any panic or flashbacks she may have. The movement also lulled her into a calm state; she watched the world flash by around her.
They moved through the route they would be taking, stopping and getting out at every important point. She paid little attention to the path or the instructions. The amount of time Rick said Daryl's name made her uneasy. He was going to be on that bike alone leading all of those walkers.
It wasn't until they reached the quarry that she slipped back into the real world. Daryl's presence was solid beside her, but it didn't stop the shaking as she heard the noise. All of them together like that created a dull roar in her ears, deafening almost. Rick was standing on the truck bed now, addressing everyone. Abraham stood beside them casting looks down at her then sweeping the area around them.
Even with their firm presence beside her, she found her eyes wandering. Down the quarry was the source of the sound as hundreds of walkers were moving around down there. The sound of them drowned out Rick's voice, making her unable to follow along. All of those bodies moving around down there, the sound grew as more came, and more of them made more noise.
Her feet carried her forward, closer to the edge. She wasn't sure what she was looking at but one rock fell away, then two, then three, then too many for her to count. It wasn't until she felt Daryl stiffen beside her, felt everyone looking in the same direction that she was did she notice that something was wrong. Helplessly, she watched the side of the quarry crumble, watched the truck fall over the edge and the surge of the dead moving.
Panic coated her throat making it hard to breathe. Daryl's hand was holding her then. Rick was screaming that we were doing this now, and everyone jumped into action. Rick was shouting orders, Abraham shouting back.
He was looking at Daryl then, putting a hand out to touch his shoulder. "Lemme take her in the car."
Panic was racing through her now, she tugged Daryl's hand desperately, they needed to move, everyone else was moving, why were they still here?
"Naw I got her, go!" Daryl responded. Abraham was gone then, there wasn't time to argue now. Before she knew it there was the sound of their old car peeling away, Abraham and Sasha were gone.
Daryl had let go of her hand then to hold her chin, turning it face to him. "Stay right here, right beside me until I say so you understand?"
She nodded, hands tightening into fists at her sides. She stepped behind him, shielded from the view of the walkers where he pointed his cross bow.
"Now!" She heard Rick yell, her eyes were drawn to the sky as flares lit up around them. The herd of walkers turned toward the lights and noise, pushing their way toward her and Daryl. What the hell were they doing? Her mind was screaming. She wanted to run now, but her feet stayed glued to the ground.
Horror rose up inside her as she watched one of the trucks in front of them move to allow the dead to come even closer.
Over his shoulder, Daryl shouted for her to get on the bike. At first she didn't move, fear stopping her muscles in place. It wasn't until she heard the bolt come loose from the cross bow did she go running for his bike. Panic clawed at her throat, setting her insides on fire and the edges of her vision darkened. Her truths didn't work to calm her since one of them was no longer true. She was not safe in Alexandria anymore.
Daryl was in front of her then, "Hold on!" He shouted over the roar of the dead, screams and sounds of trucks. Under her, she felt him revving the engine and it helped to remind her where she was. They were gone then, her arms wrapped tight around him with a herd of walkers on the move behind them.