Chapter 14

The New Normal

Daryl took the food back to the room, setting it on the window sill in front of the big chairs.

"Eat." He ordered, gesturing toward the food.

With lumbering steps, she slipped her boots off and settled into the chair, pulling the lid off the container. It did smell good; it was still warm as steam tendrils were drifting up. Somewhere in her mind she was sure she felt guilty for making him worried. It was hidden though, hidden behind the increasing paranoia she had been feeling.

Between bites of food, she glanced at Daryl who was plowing through the content of his container. Aaron had been right; this was a dish he liked. She was able to finish half of hers before her stomach began to revolt at the amount of food she was consuming.

Wordlessly, she pushed the rest toward him. He inspected what she had eaten before he finished the rest himself.

When he was finished he turned to her again.

"Gotta see how you're healing ok?"

Panic flared inside her causing her heart to beat wildly inside her chest. She tucked her hands under her folded legs to hide them, as if it would cause him to forget.

No one had checked her wounds since the day after she had been back. She hadn't allowed anyone to look at her. The cuts on her wrists were the worst she knew, when she felt too panicked or began to slip away she would rub them raw so the pain grounding her.

Daryl moved toward her, either not noticing her panic or not caring. "Can I?" He questioned, fingers brushing the helm of her shirt.

Numbly, she nodded, keeping her eyes on the window behind him. Slowly, she stood as she slipped the sweater off, leaving her in only a tank top. He lifted that slightly too to peer at the bruising along the right side of her torso. He was gentle, fingers brushing her skin lightly, color rose in her cheek as goose bumps prickled her skin.

"Looks good, it's healing nicely." She glanced down before he pulled her shirt down. The skin was a greenish yellow color, the bruising fading from the angry purple it had been.

He checked her arm next; it was scabbing over from the hit she took when they fell off the bike. The sweater was back in her hands now so she slipped it over her head, hands shaking.

He reached for her left hand, she jerked back and stumbled causing her to bump into the bed.

"Pandora Ah ain't gonna hurt you." Daryl's voice was calm as he stepped towards her again. "And Ah ain't gonna be mad."

" I-I-I" Her brain refused to cooperate with her demands of communication. She stammered, unable to get anything out. Tears pooling in her eyes, she held her hands out to him, taking deep shuttering breaths.

Carefully, he un-wrapped the bandages while she watched, unable to look away. An angry red line about an inch thick ringed both her wrists. Panic flared, her breaths coming faster now.

"Hey, hey it's ok come'ere." He led her into the bathroom then sitting her down on the toilet. When she blinked again, he was holding a cloth in his hand. "This is going to sting ok?"

She only nodded, avoiding his eyes. When he wiped the wound the stinging cut through her panic and she sucked in a breath, hissing through her teeth.

"Sorry." He muttered. The apology rang hollow, however, because he didn't stop but only started on the next wrist.

Pandora bit the inside of her cheek so hard she tasted blood in her mouth. While trying to keep her breathing under control, she didn't notice that he had finished and was now wrapping her in clean white bandages again.

"All done" He said standing up and running his hand over his face. "I'm gonna go see Rick and Carl."

He didn't ask her to come knowing she wouldn't. Instead they both stood, leaving the bathroom. When she turned toward her bed he caught her arm "Ah'll be back."

Without thinking, she stood on her tip toes and kissed his cheek gently before moving to the bed. Sleep was something she could never seem to get enough of these days. Between the nightmares, she was lucky to even be sleeping for a few hours at a time.

As she turned away from the door she heard him leave, heavy foot falls echoing down the hall. Slipping out of her clothes, she tossed them in the hamper. In the dresser, she found a large t-shirt that fell past her knees once it was on. Sliding under the blankets she sighed and under the warmth her eyes grew heavy. The beauty of sleep never lasted though.

In her dream the burnt forest felt so real, the ash coated her lungs as she breathed. Fire burned in her legs as she ran. A voice whispered in her head telling her to keep running, keep running. Just like before, a root caught her foot sending her stumbling down, only she never stopped falling. Darkness filled the space around her as she fell. Her mouth opened, but there seemed to be no air, nothing she could suck in to even scream.

The sensation of hitting the ground jolted her out of sleep. Bolting upwards, her hands clasped over her mouth to stop the scream she was sure was coming. Minutes stretched by as she sat up in the bed gasping for breath. When she was finally calm, her eyes drifted to the side to see that Daryl was gone. His bed looked as if he hadn't even slept in it.

Panic gripped her again, where was he? He said he was going to be here, he said he would come back. Flying from the bed, she tugged on a pair of jeans she had left on the floor. Before she registered where she was going, she was outside.

The night was cool and calm, blanketing Alexandria in the type of silence that only came from the hours of deep night. Standing at the bottom of the steps, her brain finally caught up with her and she realized she had no idea where she was even going to look.

Turning, she glanced down the street. He usually did watch in the same tower. Her legs found themselves moving in that direction. Rustling could be heard from the top of the lookout, relief filled her. He had to be up there, maybe he got called last minute and couldn't tell her. She was climbing the ladder now slowly, but when she got to the top she froze.

Staring back at her was a baffled looking Michonne. The next breath she took was more like a gasp.

"I-I-I was l-l-looking for Daryl." She stammered hands closing into fists at her sides. Panic raged inside her, if he wasn't here she didn't know where he was.

"Hey, hey it's ok." Michonne was beside her then, hands on her shoulders Pandora flinched but the woman didn't pay it any mind and just let her hands fall away. "He's at my house watching Judith. Let me take you."

Numbly, she could only nod and follow the other woman down the ladder. Pandora hadn't seen the other woman much since everything had happened. She knew that her and Rick took turns sitting with the unconscious Carl, as well as taking care of Judith.

"Pandora? This way." Michonne was moving down a darkened street to their right. Pandora followed behind her closely, realizing then that she couldn't remember where the house was. The house that Daryl had once shared with Rick and them, he had moved somewhere else. He had told her that just the other day; he had gotten his own place, a place he wanted her to come to.

She was standing then at the steps to the front door, Michonne opened it glancing back at her. Pandora climbed the stairs, stepping into the front of the home. Glancing around, she saw him lying on the sofa with his arm over his eyes. His boots off, forgotten on the floor. He stirred as she stepped forward, the floor squeaking under her feet.

Opening one eye he looked up from under his arm, face still heavy with sleep. "Pandora? Wh-" He didn't get to finish because she was flying at him, throwing herself on top of him where he lay. She tried not to cry, biting down on the inside of her cheek to stop the sounds.

"Hey, hey." He cooed at her, sitting up and pulling her up with him so that she was sitting in his lap with her legs hanging off the edge of the sofa. Her arms were in a vice grip around his neck, frame shaking against him.

Somewhere, she knew this level of panic was completely uncalled for, but her terror was never logical. Heart pounding, tears leaking form her eyes, she stayed like that for a while, her face hidden against his chest.

"I woke up," She stammered. "You weren't there."

At first he didn't answer, only held her by the shoulders and pushed her away slightly so he could look at her.

"Ah told you Ah would come back." His voice was a low rumble against her.

"You could have gone outside the walls, and then anything could have happened."

Pandora watched the hard lines of his face soften slightly when she finished speaking, she had to look away. His eyes seemed too bright in the darkness of the room.

"Sorry," He was pulling her close again, into a tight hug. "Ah should have come and told you first."

Pandora nodded leaning away from him, she slid off his lap, face feeling hot. She knew she was being stupid, but right now with the tang of panic in her mouth she couldn't bring herself to say it out loud.

It was only when she had calmed down that she realized Michonne was gone, and it was just the two of them. Well the two of them and Judith, her gaze shifted to the tiny picture on the monitor. The little girl was still sleeping peacefully, not even moving at all the sounds downstairs.

It was odd to see a baby right now, to think that someone thought it was a good idea to bring a baby into a world like this. Judith seemed almost two years old now which means she was born before they had this place. She remembered Daryl telling her about the prison they had lost, the perfect place.

"Looks like yer stuck till Michonne comes back." He muttered leaning back on the sofa, he tucked his hands behind his head and sighed. "Ahm sorry I didn't tell yah where Ah was going."

Pulling her knees to her chest, she sighed resting her chin top of them, "Sorry I freaked the fuck out." She whispered, worried that being too loud would wake up the baby.

"Ain't your fault." He answered shaking his head slightly. One arm covering his eyes now. She turned her head to the side and watched him.

"Why do you care so much?" She asked, she had asked him this before, but now he asked her to live with him. He had taken the full weight of helping her through the recovery, if they could even call it a recovery.

"Cause there were still people out there people worth saving," He said peering at her from under his arm. "I know that yer worth saving."

"Maybe I was before, not now, not anymore." Her voice was soft, holding no real emotion in it, just fact.

"Yah can come back. Everyone can come back."

Pandora still watched him, tears blurring her vision. She blinked them away before they fell. She wondered what it was that he thought he saw in her. But that was for another day she guessed, he was good that was all the reason she needed right now. He was one of the few good men standing in a sea of shit.

"Before all of this," She gestured with her hands to the room around her. "I was a gymnast; I went to the Olympics and everything. I even won a gold medal." She remembered that she wore it all the time; even after the world went to shit she kept it with her. She had left it behind when they left the apartment building, in the bag in her room.

There hadn't been time to get it, not when the dead had cracked the glass and started to pour inside. She remembered how naked she felt without the cold weight of it around her neck. The sound of Daryl clearing his throat next to her triggered her back to reality.

"I thought training was hard but I never imagined how hard it could get." She muttered. Her knees were still pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them. She had thought that getting up at the crack of dawn and training until she was bleeding was hard, but this new world, this was hard.

"Where did ya go? To get the medal." He didn't comment on the last things she had said, no he steered her away from that onto something different.

"Brazil, Rio Olympics." She smiled now, remembering the feeling of being there, of being a part of something so big. When she looked at Daryl again he was watching her openly, an odd expression on his face. The smile slipped from her face, her eyes brows shooting up into her forehead. "What?" She asked, suddenly self-conscious.

"Nothin' never seen ya smile before."

That statement made her laugh suddenly, a harsh unused sound. She found herself smiling again, watching him, "You're a good man Daryl Dixon."

The side of his mouth curved up in a tiny smile and he turned away, pulling a blanket off the side of sofa. Tossing it toward her he slid toward the end of the sofa.

"Oh no, I'm done with sleeping." She murmured, shaking her head from side to side.

He only shrugged, pulling the blanket over himself instead, feet resting on the table in front of him.

"Ah'll sleep then."

Turning his head to the side and closing his eyes he did just that. She watched him for a while until the sound of his breathing was slow and steady. Then she got up and moved to the kitchen, the feeling of hunger tugged at her.

The home looked lived in, bottles on the counter, some plates still in the sink. She would guess cleaning was not the first thing on their mind right now. She stepped up to the sink, turning on the water and getting to work. It didn't take long until the kitchen was clean again and Pandora was peeking in the fridge.

"Not much in there." The voice behind her made her jump, fingers tightening on the handle of the fridge. It took a few moments of deep breathing before she was able to close the door and face Rick. He stood leaning against the island, new containers of food were sitting in front of him that had not been there before.

"S-s-sorry," The word was strained, her head roared as her nerves were making her shake. "I was just looking for something to eat."

Rick gestured to the food in front of him, "Here, help yourself."

She moved to gather two plates and forks. Opening both containers, she made two plates. One container was a type of fried rice, the other corned beef. Sliding the plate over to Rick, she took her own. Sitting on the chair at the island, she made sure to put a healthy amount of distance between them. She was uneasy and he made her more uneasy, all of this was a dangerous slope.

"You did this?" His chin jerked to the stack of clean dishes drying on the counter.

Pandora only nodded, shoving a forkful of food into her mouth. She glanced outside quickly, the sky was beginning to lighten meaning it must be close to sun rise.

"Thank you." He said, nodding and going back to his food.

They ate in silence for a while, both of them fixing their gaze to the plates in front of them. The fork in her hand clattered against the plate when she took more food, her hands unable to keep steady right now.

"You helped us take this place back; this is your home now too. I know I didn't make it seem like that before" Pandora looked down at her hands tightened into fists on either side of her plate. The memories of that night threatened to surface, the feeling of being covered in warm blood, the bodies piling up around them.

"Sorry," He said, hands in the air. "Daryl told me not to, sometimes I forget." He was moving then, standing in front of her. Startled, she jumped backward, the chair clattering to the floor.

She turned, picking the chair up and standing behind it. Her hands tightened on the wooden back. Her brain struggled to make coherent thoughts, Rick was watching her closely. He had stepped back now, putting more space between them.

"S-sorry," She whispered. "I had to help, you need this place." Her voice was hardly above a whisper but he seemed to hear it.

"So do you." He replied.

Daryl appeared in the opening to the living room then, his hand rubbing his eyes. "S'lright?"

Pandora nodded, turning she put a plate together for him, setting in on the counter beside her. A ploy she was sure that he saw right through, having him close made her feel calm. Stiffly, she slipped back into the chair she was in before, Daryl slipped into the one beside her and Rick was already sitting down.

"How's Carl?" Daryl asked around the food in his mouth. The tension felt like it was leaking out of her, having him carry the weight of a conversation was much better. She went back to eating her food as well, glancing at them through the strands of hair that had fallen over her eyes.

Rick's sigh was audible, filled with all the pain of almost losing someone, "No change, he could wake up any day now though."

"He will." Pandora was speaking before she knew what she was even saying. "He survives, just like all of you."

The two men seemed to have been stunned into silence; they both looked at her slightly opened mouth. She returned to eating, trying not to feel uncomfortable under their gazes.