Hello! Did you miss me? I missed you, I really did! Sorry for the long wait for the first time since I started this fic I have writers block. I'm totally stuck on the next chapter so bare with me I promise I am not giving up, too much good stuff is happening here
Routine
The days that followed fell into a pattern for Pandora. Mornings were spent working out, then training with Rosita. Pandora spent her afternoons in therapy, the rest of her hours were spent wandering around inside. That only lasted a day or two before she began to get bored. A feeling that she was sure she was never going to feel again with the current state of the world. From her usual spot on top of the wall, she would watch Daryl and Rick leave Alexandria day after day. A small feeling tugged at her deep in her bones, she wanted to go out with them.
One night she confessed to Daryl that she wanted to test her growing skills and go on a short run. At first, she had been met with Daryl's stoic silence as he stared at her openly. Panicking, she was about to be turned down before she had even begun so she rushed to list reasons she should come with them. She decided to play on his pride by reminding him that he could protect her. Only after she offered to let him watch her training with Rosita did he say he would consider it. After watching one session he agreed, Pandora hadn't been able to hide her smile all day.
Everything seemed to settle into a kind of normal. Life within the walls moved along like always. With the fear of Negan removed everyone was at ease. Plans for the community grew every day. Maggie fixed her garden, insisting they needed to begin growing their own food. Everyday Pandora watched her out there with a few of the others. She wanted to help a time or two she tried, only ending up more a hindrance then anything. So it was back to watching the work get done. One day after training with Rosita and therapy with Denise, Pandora found herself standing at the gates of Alexandria doing a weapons check. Above her, the sun beat down, warming the small patches of exposed skin on her face and neck. It was a good day to head out, warm, but not too warm. Not a cloud in sight in the sky above them. This would be the third time she left Alexandria it was easier, every time she killed a walker herself it was as if something snapped back into place.
"Knives," She muttered, fingers skimming over the two she kept at her belt. One of them a large hunting knife, handle made of polished, dark wood. The second one was smaller, all compact and sharp, cool edges. With them firm in place, she leaned down to check on the one she stashed between her boot and sock. "Gun. Check" That was also in a holder on her belt, extra ammo tucked into the pocket of her cargo pants.
Daryl had been insistent that she should have as many weapons as she could carry. She would probably have more if it was up to him, but she had to put her foot down at some point. She had argued that more than four weapons was overkill, they argued until Rick stepped in and silenced them with a stern glare. He agreed with Pandora, she could just tell by the look on his face.
"Get in." Turning sharply, the car rolled up behind her. Daryl was leaning on the passenger door window, cigarette already lit between his fingers.
Pandora blinked, eyes sliding to the empty back seat. Of course they would make her sit in the back. Holding back a sigh she slipped in, wishing Daryl would at least slide back and join her. Instead, they were off with a CD playing and a lit cigarette passing back and forth. Sagging against the seat, she blew the smoke out the window, watching it twist and curl in the air and blow past their car.
"Where are we going this time?" She asked, leaning forward into the gap between the two front seats. A few strands of hair caught in her eyelashes. She had been sensible enough to pull it all back into a tight braid, but these days her hair seemed to have a mind of its own.
"Ain't far, little building we saw coming back one time." Daryl answered, turning his head to the side to glance at her.
"Why would one building have anything we might need?"
It was Rick's turn to answer then without turning his eyes from the road. "It looked all locked up, hoping something good might be left inside."
She nodded before remembering that he hadn't turned to look at her so she answered with a dismissive, "Cool"
She was excited about this run, the two she went on before were uneventful. Nothing too far nothing too dangerous, they just been checking the homes and buildings around Alexandria. Today was different, they were going out further than they usually did.
Daryl had been right, the drive was short. Along the way, they passed trees with their tops reaching out, hungry for sunlight. Leaning out the window, she longed to get out and climb them to see how far she could get and find out what she could see from up there. She always had an affinity for heights, up on the high bars in her training gym was where she felt the safest.
Before long they were stopping. The building in front of them was part of a larger strip mall. A fence encircled the entire building, Pandora assumed none of the stores had gotten a chance to open to the public. Everything within the fence seemed to be intact, it didn't look like anyone had even tried to camp out inside.
The second Rick and Daryl opened their doors, she was out as well. Since she was faster and lighter on her feet, she was at the fence before them, fingers gripping the chain-link fence.
"Yah ready?" Daryl came up beside her, his knife was already out, gripped tightly in his right hand. One glance back at him told her that his body was an outline of tight lines. He was stressed, but he was always stressed when he took her out of the walls. Fuck she was stressed too, but Daryl was here and whenever he was, she was safe.
Nodding, she took her own knife out, tapping on the fence to use the sound to draw out any walkers that might be around. For a few long seconds, nothing happened. Pandora knocked again, walking the line of the fence. Behind her she could hear Daryl's heavy footsteps, he never let her get too far away from him.
"Guess it's clear to go in?" She never turned to look at him, her eyes stayed focused on the strip mall in front of them. Nothing seemed to move, it was almost too still for her liking. She felt him though, barely a breath away from her. If she leaned back slightly, she would be pressed against his chest.
"Guess so." Daryl muttered, arms crossed tightly over his chest. She glanced at him then, seeing the sharp movement of his eyes as he scanned the area in front of them. He was so much closer to her these days, the distance that he kept from others didn't exist when it came to her.
"Incoming!" Rick's voice broke them out of their silent moment of calculation. Rick was beside them now, in front of them a few of the dead lumbered through the overgrown grass.
They must have been close by, drawn in by the noise she had made. Better to get rid of them now anyway. Blood pounded in her veins, despite her present company, the tang of fear lingered in her mouth. She knew she would be fine, she had been training for this situation. Kill the dead and stay alive, easy. Shifting, she tried to see around Rick and Daryl's shoulders, but both men were standing shoulder to shoulder to box her in with the fence at her back. The fear simmered down now, replaced by a bubbling annoyance at being treated like a child.
"No guns, keep it quiet." Rick instructed, voice void of emotion.
Pandora titled her head to the side wondering who the fuck he was talking to, couldn't be her since clearly neither of them would even let her get anywhere near the walkers. Turning, there was a gap between Daryl's back and the fence. Without a second thought, she slipped through to stand shoulder to shoulder with him.
She was sure she heard Daryl's neck crack with the speed that he turned to glare at her. Pandora ignored him though. In front of her, a walker moved. His steps lumbering and heavy. He only had one arm she noted. Good, only one hand she would have to worry about. She really tried not to look too hard at them and remember that once they were human. They hardly looked human now though, jaw hanging loose and flesh and muscle rotted away. Pandora was quick though, plunging her knife into its skull. The bone was rotted away so she hardly used any force before it was just a limp body.
Somewhere beside her she was sure she could hear someone shouting, but she couldn't understand what they were saying over the blood pounding in her ears. She plunged forward again, taking two steps towards another walker. With more force this time she plunged her knife into its skull, aiming for the temple like Rosita had taught her. She needed to jerk harder this time though, throwing more of her body weight into the movement. She took a second longer to pull the knife free this time, the lifeless body was already falling past her when she finally yanked her knife from its skull.
A third one was lumbering towards her now as well. Her gaze flickered to the side, catching Daryl's figure. They had almost cleared the lot of them she noted, maybe three or four more but it was hard to tell. Blinking again, her gaze snapped back to the third walker that was still coming.
"Oh shit." She said panicked before raising her knife again, the walker was dangerously close to her this time. This one was huge, skin stretched over bulging, swollen flesh. With both arms intact, it reached for her. She was faster though, ducking under its grip while slamming her knife up from his jaw to his brain. It took a frightening amount of strength to get it that far and once the body went limp above her, its weight came crashing down.
The last bit of air she had stored in her lungs was forced out by the weight as a thin scream. The dead walker landed on her with a thud, the weight and the smell reminded her of them. Reminded her of hands reaching in the dark, always hungry for her flesh. She tried to fight, pitching her body and kicking her legs.
Wet, thick blood flowed from the wound, coating her face and chest. As quickly as it happened, it was over and she was free, frame pitching up into empty air. Hands were on her then, pulling her up to her knees.
"Pandora, Pandora! Ah got ya!" Daryl was whispering in her ear now, lips so close that they brushed against her skin, sending shivers through her.
Yes, yes she was no longer trapped. Daryl had done something, removed the weight from her. The fight seemed to rush out of her then, leaving her empty and tired. Her frame now sagged forward into his arms, head pressed against the smooth muscle of his chest. Every breath she took was easier now, the air smelled clean but filled with Daryl's scent.
Blinking, she sucked in a few deep breaths before she pulled away to look at him. "Fuck, I'm so sorry." Tears made dirty streaks on her face as she looked at him. Shame burned white and hot inside her, she had been working so hard and in one moment she was tumbling into a flashback.
"It's ok, Ah got you it's ok." His voice was a deep rumble against her chest. She leaned back into him then and he wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Lemme clean you up." He muttered as he began to wipe the blood away the best he could with his rag.
They stayed like this for a few moments with Rick pacing in and out of her vision. He turned away from them after a while, working on the lock on the gate. Pandora was the first to stand, pulling her jacket tighter around her, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She wiped the wet tracks off her face with her sleeves, trying not to glance down at her blood stained clothes.
"Let's go then." She whispered, leaning down and offering her hand to Daryl to get up. He took her outstretched hand, causing a jolt to run right through her. A tremble had made its home in her bones but she tried to steel herself against it. Daryl must have felt something too as he leaned harder into her.
The sound of the fence being pushed out of the way called her back to the present moment. Rick was waiting at the opening with the knife she had left in the walker held out in his right hand. She took it without thinking, putting in back in its holder at her belt. She held the handle tightly gripped in her belt. She breathed slow and deep, counting each breath she took. She took a mental inventory of everything around her to stay focused, these days she found herself thankful for therapy.
The building in front of her was small, four stores in total. One of them looked like it was a variety store, that would be the most helpful for them. Pandora wandered up to the door, banging the end of her knife on the glass in case anything was inside. Nothing moved, but Rick came up beside her and put a hand on her shoulder. He didnt say anything but she just knew. Stepping back, she allowed Rick and Daryl to be the first ones in. Minutes ticked by until she heard the muffled cry of an all clear from somewhere in the back of the store.
Pandora turned to head inside,leaving the door open behind her. It was Rick who must have called the all clear because Daryl stood in the front waiting. As she stepped up beside him, his hand reached out to give her a light squeeze on her arm. A sigh escaped her as she allowed the momentary pressure to ground her, taking the moment to calm herself further. He did that for her brought her a calm she never quite found on her own.
"Ah'll go left, you go right." He said finally, letting his hand fall from her arm.
Silent, she nodded, turning to the right side of the store. Fingers idly ran along the dust covered sleeves. This place had been almost ready to open she noted offhandedly. Items lined the shelves in neat little rows, fronts facing out, covered in a layer of dust. The first set of shelves she found was filled with bathroom essentials. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, hair ties. Pandora grabbed the hair ties, stuffing them into her pocket, could never have too many of those.
Stepping back, she stared at the contents of the shelves. Everything seemed important to her. Shit, couldn't they use more toothpaste? More shampoo? Or rope, that was always good to have around. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for her to come, how did they make this choice, how did they pick what to bring back?
"What's important?" She asked, turning in the general direction she assumed Daryl was. She was wrong, however, because the moment she turned her head there he was right behind her, so close that she bumped into his chest. "Oh shit, Daryl!" She turned, hands on his chest as if she would push him away, but she only let them rest there.
"Food and medicine are always the most important," Daryl reached around her, pulling a bottle of shampoo off the shelf. "This is important too, all the time you spend in that damn shower."
Pandora laughed, grabbing the bottle from his hand. With her free hand, she reached up to tug on one of his greasy locks.
"You need this more than me Dixon. Showers are good, try it some time"
He snorted a laugh, grabbing another bottle of conditioner from behind her and throwing it into a box by his feet. He must have put it there because she hadn't noticed it before. It was empty save for the one bottle he just tossed inside.
"Fill this box with all that bathroom shit we need. We got the food and other shit."
Daryl turned and moved back to his end of the store, she noticed that he had more boxes by his feet. That seemed like something she should have thought of, instead she had gone off to la la land walking through the aisles. With a shake of her head, she tried to focus and started clearing all the personal hygiene items off the shelf. She added some baby items for good measure with Judith and Maggie's baby on the way, who knew when they would find stuff like this again.
The next aisle seemed to be filled with a bunch of random stuff like tape measures, ropes, gel pens and notebooks. She grabbed some of the colouring books, the end of the world was boring sometimes. First aid stuff was in the next aisle and it was still stocked, Pandora found another box and filled it with everything on the shelf.
When she cleared out everything on her side, she hauled her boxes to the front of the store. She knew better than to load the car herself, Rick and Daryl would probably freak out if she went outside alone. Though she wanted to as the small store was beginning to get stuffy. Hot, unmoving air was causing her hair to stick to the back of her neck. She longed for a breeze from outside. Sighing. she turned away from the door and headed over to Daryl's side of the store.
To her right, the rack of magazines caught her eye. Reading material was always something she needed more of, but her eyes were drawn up to a cover from a sports magazine. There she was, bright smile shining out from the glossy front page. Gasping, she leaned forward, fingers brushing the picture of her face. She remembered this day, remembered how excited her Mother and sister had been about the whole thing. The whole day she spent trying on different outfits, getting her makeup done. The attention had been what she remembered the most, how she had basked in the praise and adoring looks. She worked hard to be where she was every complament was hard eraned with with blood.
Now the world stopped around her, this version of herself had died. She was no longer the happy young woman. She was nothing like that now. Reaching out with shaking fingers, she took it and started flipping it open to the first page of her interview, it was a four-page spread. She didn't read it though, not needing the reminder, she just looked over the pictures.
"Find anything good?" Daryl was beside her now, peering over her shoulder at what she was holding.
"That's my parents." She whispered, fingers skimming over the glossy picture of her family. There she was squished between her parents who were grinning stupidly. "I had just won my Olympic qualifying competition. They were so happy."
"Yah look happy." He leaned further over her shoulder, fingers brushing the picture of her family.
"I was." Sighing, she snapped it shut, not ready to keep reading; this was not the place. Daryl took the magazine from her hands, gently rolling it up and slipping it in his back pocket.
"Ah wanna see it later." He muttered. "Come'on let's load the car."
Pandora turned back towards the door, Rick was already there with a box in his arms. She slipped up beside him, picking herself and following him out. They had gotten a lot of good stuff from here, boxes of food, personal care items, and some more medical supplies.
Rick must have pulled the car inside the fence because there it was, doors and trunk open ready to get loaded. Rick was already shoving stuff into the trunk, she just brought the boxes, leaving them beside him to figure out how to get it all inside. When her and Daryl had brought all the boxes out, he took her to check the next building.
"Looks like a book store," Leaning into the window, she cupped her hands around her eyes trying to make out what might be inside. "Maybe, doors are locked though."
"Watch out." Daryl slipped up beside her, his right hand wrapped with his red rag.
Before Pandora could even blink, he was slamming his hand through the glass of the window. The shattering sound made her jump. She took a step back to avoid the glass that fell towards her. Nerves still on the raw side caused the sound to bounce around, echoing in her head.
"Some warning would have been nice." She muttered, peering around his shoulder while he worked to undo the lock.
"How else did yah think Ah was going to get in?"
Rolling her eyes, she stepped past him, holding the door open to the small store. Immediately, her breath was taken away by the inside. This store had also been ready to open its doors before the world went to hell. One side was lined with books of all sizes, dust collecting on the spines. The wall in the back was filled with rows and rows of CDs, more music than she had ever seen. The floor was littered with radios, CD players, record players and wireless speakers. On the opposite side, there was racks of books, band gear, t-shirts and sweaters. The rest of the room was filled with other random things like action figures, bags, decor.
"Holy shit," Pandora whispered, stepped inside. She went right to the music, fingers clearing the dust from the covers. Walking down the shelf she found what she had been looking for, Sleeping at Last albums. Unconsciously, she picked up all of them before realizing that she had nothing to put the five CDs in.
When she turned, Daryl was behind her holding a backpack with the zipper already pulled open. Grinning at him, she put them inside but when she tried to take the bag, he stopped her, holding it firmly in his hands.
"Ah'll hold it in case you want more," Reaching inside, he pulled out a black t-shirt to hand to her. "Thought you would want to change, found yah this." Holding it out in front of himself, he unfolded it so she could see. It was all black, the neckline dipped down into a V and the front was decorated with a golden owl.
Pandora glanced down at herself, in the excitement of the new store she hadn't remembered that she was covered in blood. Looking down, she was reminded of the sticky feeling of the material.
"Oh, right." She tried not to remember where the blood came from. The faster she got it off, the better. In seconds, the jacket and t-shirt she had been wearing were on the floor in front of her, leaving her standing in front of Daryl in her tank top.
Unphased he handed her the t-shirt, slipping it on she found that the size was perfect. It clung to her frame more than what she usually wore, but it was new so she didn't really mind. Turning, she spun for Daryl who hadn't taken his eyes off her as she changed.
"Looks good." He muttered, eyes fixed on her from under strands of his hair.
She laughed, suddenly feeling light, happy even. Closing the distance between them she reached out, brushing the hair that always seemed to cover his bright blue eyes.
"How you can see me with all that hair in your eyes I will never know." She whispered.
She held her hands there with his hair pulled back out of the way, they locked eyes again. There was something strange in his face, a flickering torrent of emotions. She wondered if her own face looked the same, wondered if he could see the train of thought running through her mind. She longed to taste his lips to see if he tasted anything like she imagined he would. It could be so quick, just a flash of a moment of their lips touching. Her mouth was bone dry suddenly, all the moisture sucked away. She licked her lips, never breaking his gaze.
"Ah always see you." He reached for her then, fingers against her chin tilting her face up just a fraction.
Her breath was stuck then, lodged somewhere in her throat refusing to move. Heat rose in her face, white and hot as his finger ran lightly against her bottom lip. How could a man who could be so gruff, so violent, keep his touch so light? He barely brushed her skin, tickling her with light pressure. Body working on instinct alone, she leaned into him as if he had his own gravity and it called only to her. The space between them slipped away until she was close enough to feel his breath on her face, one more movement and their lips would touch.
A car door slammed behind them, vibrating in the stillness of the room. That was all it took to send him jumping away from her, for the inches between them to become feet. Daryl turned from her then to grab another bag and continue the search for anything of use, leaving Pandora standing alone with her hands hanging limp at her sides. Tears stung her vision, the knowledge of another unfinished action weighing her down, bowing her spine.
Wiping angrily at her eyes, she spun on her heel to collect clothing items and a few pairs of shoes, shoving them into a bag from the rack. His rejection stung her more than she thought it would. He'd jumped away from her like, got close but not too close. Unless she had misunderstood that was the case with her sometimes, emotions were not her strong point. That thought quieted her storm of emotions, to place the blame on herself was easier.
"Pan?" His voice broke her out of her daze. Blinking, she realized that she was standing there staring at the books.
"Coming," Pandora picked more things off the shelf, filling a second bag she had grabbed. There was quite a collection of graphic novels as well, she grabbed some to give to Carl. This place had been a good score. Moving towards the front door, she found herself back at the clothes. She couldn't help but picture Daryl in some of the band shirts. She decided it would be a way to say she was sorry for advancing on him. Picking a few, she packed them away in her second bag.
Outside, they were waiting for her. Rick and Daryl were leaning against the car which was packed to the brim. Even the back seat was pilled high with boxes, leaving her standing there wondering where she was going sit. Brown eyes flickered to a box in the back where a small camping radio sat, it looked like it had solar charging panels on top. Daryl must have gotten it for her, she forgot to think about how she would play all her new CDs.
"Here lemme take it." Daryl was slipping up beside her, slipping the bags from her arm. Watching him open the back door she wondered where he was going to even fit her stuff. Somehow, he found a way to pile it on top, blocking the view of the back window.
"Where am I going to fit?" She questioned, peering through the backseat window. There was definitely no room for her back there.
Rick chuckled a bit, opening the driver's door for himself, "Gonna have to squeeze up here with us. I wasn't expecting this much stuff."
Anxiety rolled in her belly, but she couldn't argue since she couldn't just stay behind. Another day, she wouldn't have blinked at the forced closeness, it was always fine. After just now, she was not so sure. Did he want to be that close to her?
None of her inner thoughts mattered because Daryl was already opening the passenger door for her. Sighing, she slipped in, pressing herself as far into the middle console as she could. Daryl followed behind her but he didn't try to put space between them. Instead, he put his arm around her, shifting her frame so that one leg was draped over his. This only made her even more confused, but his body pressed against hers always had the same calming effect on her. Despite the unfinished moment before, she found herself uncoiling her tight muscles and curling up against him.
The ride back was fast and to be fair she wasn't sure she was relieved. Michonne was on gate duty, waving as they pulled in past her. They went right to the pantry and Olivia came out to greet them. She had her clipboard ready, writing down everything that passed her. She didn't hand over her two bags though, those she brought with her into the house.
Back in her room, she put all the clothes away, hiding his gifts within her own. She rushed back out to help them unload the rest of the car. Pandora spent a few moments talking with Olivia who filled another basket for her to take back home. She sighed, shifting the basket in her arms as she turned to leave. The car was gone already, parked back outside. Rick disappearing the moment the work was finished. She passed the rest of the silent homes of her group. At the end of the row, her house had a light on inside.
For a moment, she considered not going inside, going to Rosita's instead, or Abraham's. The thought of being alone with Daryl was suddenly too much for her. She had gone over that moment in the store more times than she would like to count. She must have been misreading him, must have been confused about something she had seen on his face. He wasn't thinking the same things she was and that was fine, or it would be fine in a few days.
Pandora had the basket though and some things needed to be in the fridge. The rational part of her mind won out as she headed towards the door. Slipping in the front door, she brought her basket to the kitchen to start loading what she had been given into the fridge. Daryl stood over the stove, tossing a pan of veggies and whole black beans into a pan.
Glancing over his shoulder he said, "Go put that away and come back, the food is almost ready."
She did as she was told, putting her empty basket into the pantry. There was already two bowls of food in his hands when she finished. He gestured to the drinks, and she picked them up to bring into the living room.
On the sofa, she curled up to him, leaving almost no space between them. He was like the sun, she couldn't help get pulled into him. For a long while they ate in silence, it was so normal that it made her heart ache. It wasn't until they were both half way through their bowls that he started to speak.
"Yah did good today."
Pandora only scoffed, rolling her eyes and picturing herself ripping off the blood-stained clothes with him watching. Remembering the way she panicked with the dead on top of her, she hadn't even thought about saving herself. Willfully she ignored the moment of closeness, they both danced around it.
"I lost my shit. Again." She mumbled, spooning more food into her mouth so she couldn't talk.
He moved in closer to her then, pressing himself right onto her. Her body responded like it always did, folding up into all the spaces he left for her. His fingers found the bare skin of her arm, rubbing small circles while drinking the rest of the soup.
Pandora spooned the last of it into her mouth before setting the bowl down on the table in front of her. His frame was resting tightly against her, she loved the feeling the warmth and pressure of him. It was easy to forget all their half finished moments when they were like this.
"Yah didn't lose it though. Yah held your shit together all damn day till now." He was leaning down to her lips, tickling her ears as he spoke. "How do you feel?"
A shiver ran through her, starting at her ear and racing down to her toes. Sighing, she half-turned and took his bowl, placing it next to her own on the table. Then, she was moving into him, making more room for herself. Lifting his arms, she wrapped them around herself as she tucked herself into his side.
Beside her he only chuckled, "That good huh." He didn't move though, only tightened his arm around her. "It's been a long day. Yah gonna sleep soon?"
Pandora rolled her neck, hearing the cracks and pops from the joints. "I should shower first." She was sure there was still blood in her hair somewhere despite the braid she had bound it in.
"Your room or mine?" Daryl asked, arms dropping from around her as he stood.
"Mine, but you need to shower first, my bed is clean."
"Cause yah don't spend any time in there."
"Whatever Dixon I call dibs, but you're right after me." Pandora was standing too then, jogging lightly past him for the stairs towards the bathroom.