Deadly
"Again."
Pandora wipes the blood from under her nose and steadys herself. A droplet of sweat lands in her eye; it stings slightly but it's only one injury in the catalog she seems to be feeling now. Her right shoulder aches like a bitch. She rolls it slightly, trying to hide her flinching. Her left side aches from a well-placed kick she didn't dodge in time. The pain in her shoulder makes its way to her ear. She tries not to think about it and stretches it out instead.
It had only been two days since she finally got out of bed. She hadn't wasted any time in hunting Rosita down and have her start her training again. Daryl hadn't been happy, but once Pandora had half-heartedly promised to train lightly, he had agreed to it.
Now, standing at the solar panels in front of Rosita, she was doing the exact opposite of what she promised. She can feel a bruise darkening on her left arm, and one on her right leg, the ache in her shoulder increasing with every breath .
When Rosie doesn't answer her, she clears the hair from her eyes and stares at the other woman.
"Again!" she snaps, reaching forward for the knife in the grass.
Rosita scoffs. She snatches the knife before Pandora can reach it, shoving it in the waistband of her pants. She moves faster than Pandora, her body not slowed from pain.
"That's enough for today," Rosita replies, two machetes in her left hand. "You're still healing, remember? That arrow to your shoulder?"
"I'm fine, it doesn't hurt."
Rosita glares at her before stepping forward and poking her lightly in the right shoulder. Pandora hisses between her teeth and steps back, hand going up to cover the area. The pain sends bright lightning bolts down into her chest.
"You're a shitty fucking liar, Pandora. Go rest."
Rosita turns away now, her back to Pandora. She looks like she is leaving, but a few seconds pass and she doesn't move. Finally, she looks over her shoulder, eyes locking with hers.
"Training this hard won't bring her back, you know. You're only going to hurt yourself."
Tears sting in Pandora's eyes. Angrily, she wipes them away.
"I know that," Pandora answers through gritted teeth. She doesn't expand, doesn't go on to explain what she was really doing. That she needs to make sure she's strong enough to kill Dwight. Rosita wouldn't understand, anyway.
"I'll see you tomorrow." She decides it's best to leave before she says something.
Pandora heads up to one of the new watchtowers, where she knows no guard has been posted, thinking that she can have a few minutes of silence by herself. There isn't a ladder to lead her up there so instead, she decides to test her climbing skills. Starting with her left arm, she hoists herself up the first piece of wood. Her body groans in protest but it's nothing she can't handle. When she reaches up with her right arm, her grip isn't strong enough and she falls on her back. The air comes rushing out of her in a strangled gasp the second she hits the floor. The pain are little lightning bolts going from her shoulder out into the rest of her body. She closes her eyes for a second, taking a few deep breaths to try and reorient herself.
"What the fuck yah doing, Pandora?" Daryl's deep and angry drawl sounds from behind her and she can't help but flinch when she opens her eyes and sees him leaning over into her field of vision, glaring down at her.
"I was trying to get up there."
"Without a ladder?"
"I don't need a ladder."
"Do you have a fucking death wish?" He growls, taking her arms and pulling her up to her feet.
She groans, lifting her left hand to push him away. His eyes are bright with rage. He doesn't let her go; instead, he wraps his arm around her waist, pulling her closer to him. He's warm, like always, and she can't help but relax in the circle of his arms.
"Where have you been?" He growls at her, lowering his voice so that passing couples don't hear him.
"With Rosita, training," she whispers, trying to make her voice sound stronger than she feels.
"For this long? Are yah fucking crazy?" His voice is getting louder now, his hand tightening painfully on her arm. "Yah got outta bed two days ago, yah almost fucking died."
"You don't think I know that!" She hisses through her teeth, pulling her arm from him.
Turning, she leaves him standing there and heads towards home. She tries to remember to breathe like Denise taught her, making every breath as deep as she can. She thinks about finding another guard tower, one with a ladder, and walking to the top of the wall. But the bottle of painkillers and the shower are calling her name, both things she can do behind the locked door of the bathroom.
Only when she gets home, she is so distracted by the pain that she leaves the bathroom door unlocked. Pandora doesn't even get water, just takes the little white pill dry while peeling off her clothes.
In the mirror, she stands naked for a moment. The stitches still held her wound tightly shut, the new skin working at closing the hole in her body. The rest of her skin is littered with old scars: a bite mark on her hip and twin white lines along her stomach and inside her tights. There is a brand too, a W carved into her stomach just above her belly button.
"Never again," she tells her reflection, tears in her eyes. She can't be the victim again, not like before. She will fight now that she knows how.
The shower calls to her and she turns the water on hot enough to warm the ever-present chill in her bones. Stepping inside, she takes a moment to close her eyes under the water. Rosita's voice finds her again behind her eyelids.
"Training this hard won't bring her back, you know. You're only going to hurt yourself."
The tears that come mix with the water on her face. Her knees buckle under her and she sinks to the shower floor, curling into a ball. Part of her only wants this, to curl up and cry and cry until she's empty. But another part of her rages, a caged beast in her head demanding she build her strength again and find Dwight and kill him. To make sure that no one ever puts a hand on anyone she loves again.
She doesn't hear the bathroom door open, or the shower door for that matter. She only feels the warm towel around her, and then she is lifted out of the shower and carried back into her room. Daryl dresses her, slipping an oversized T-shirt on her before pulling the blankets back and tucking her in bed.
"I'm sorry," she whispers as he eases himself down next to her.
"Ah know." Daryl is gentle, hands pulling the blankets over them and tucking her frame into his arms as she cries.
The next few days, she takes it easy, plays nice so Daryl stops trailing her around all day. She has already decided to stop using the pain meds, wanting to save them for someone who might really need them. It hurt like hell the first day without them, and training is a bitch, but she never says a word.
Every free moment she has away from Daryl, she's planning. There is a black hiking bag in her closet stuffed with the small supplies she slipped away without anyone seeing. Two knifes she promised to return after training, protein bars and some dried fruit she had picked up on her last run to the pantry. There was also a map taken from Eugenie's growing pile in Rosita's dining room. It will be soon, it must be. It's already been almost two weeks, who knows how long it will take her to find their trail, to following them back to wherever they call home.
Pandora's scared, as she should be. She's not Daryl, or Rick, or Carol; she doesn't have the skills they have. But it has to be her, it just has to be. Because she knows she won't get out of there alive, she just knows it. If this is the last thing she can do for this group, it's worth it, especially after everything they have done for her.
'Tomorrow,' she decides as she slips into bed with Daryl for the night. 'I'll go tomorrow.'
"Mornin'." Daryl's voice wakes her. She curls into him, pressed tightly against his side.
Everything is stiff, she is sure she hasn't moved all night. 'This might be the last time I wake up next to him,' she thinks to herself as she rubs the sleep from her eyes.
"Good morning." Pressing a small kiss to his cheek, she puts an arm around him, tangling her leg with him.
"Someone's in a good mood," Daryl remarks. He rolls to his side, untangling himself from her for a moment. Then he puts his arms around her again, kissing her lips this time.
She melts, sighing into the kiss, her hands pressed against his chest. He's so damn good to her, and she's not sure what she did to get this lucky. She wonders how much he will miss her, or if it will take him long to get over her once she's gone. But she doesn't want to think about that now, just wants to lay here and soak in everything about him.
"Sleep good?" he asks when she finally breaks apart. She turns her head, hiding in the hollow space of his neck.
"Mhmm." She hums the word into his skin, delighting in the shiver it evokes from him.
"Ah gotta help Maggie today, she wants to hide some guns, put more bins out." He says it like he is trying to give himself a reason to get out of bed.
"Why?" she whines, curling tighter into his side. "It's been so quiet ..." She leaves the rest of the sentence hanging so that he knows what she means.
"Ah know, but she's worried." He kisses her again, one hand cupping the side of her face, gently. "Hormones and shit," he whispers against her mouth and she smiles. It feels so normal.
Part of her is almost sad that this might be ending. She decides then that she will make it back to him. To make sure they have more mornings like this one, as many mornings as this world is willing to give them. She wants more of this, she wants all of this. For the first time, there is a future that she can see, and it looks happy. It breaks her heart looking at him now, the smile that only reaches his eyes when they are alone.
"I love you."
The words tumble out before she can stop them. It's not a shock, not for her. It feels good to say it, to get it out in the open. It's such a relief, she feels tears running down her cheeks.
"Pandora..." He breathes her name. Stares at her so intensely, like he is trying to set her on fire with the heat of his gaze. There is a silence then, and she is sure she can see the wheels in his head spinning.
"Ah love you too."
She leans in and kisses him again, desperate this time. Fire coiling in her belly, she tries to get him as close as she can. He opens his mouth and her tongue slips in, needing more, needing just to taste him. He groans into her mouth, the hand he had slipped behind her tightens on her hip. Shifting so she doesn't break contact, she presses her hips closer to him, slipping her leg inbetween his.
This is everything she wants, and when she breaks away from him, she is gasping and laughing with what little air she can get into her lungs.
"Ah hope that isn't because of my skills, Ah know Ahm a bit rusty." He chuckles, leaning toward her again, lips brushing her forehead.
"No, no, I just—" She can't finish the sentence, can't put in the words the fullness in her chest right now. It feels like a dream, coming out of something so dark to this perfect moment.
"Ah know," he whispers, tucking some hair behind her ear. "Ah don't wanna go, but…"
He lets the sentence die. Pandora only shakes her head slowly.
"No, go, it's OK."
She stays curled up in the bed, watching him get ready to leave. As he does his belt, he catches her looking at his bare chest. His face turns a bright red and she quickly stares at his feet.
"What?"
Pandora grins, shaking her head. "Nothing, come back soon."
Leaning down towards her, he kisses her again, before grabbing his vest and leaving. She curls up in bed and waits for a few moments until she is sure that he has left.
Only then does she leave the bed. She doesn't shower, just pulls her hair up into a bun laying on top of her head. She knew it was risky to leave during the day when more people were awake inside and watching her. But they would also be more lax because no had ever dared to try anything during the day, at least not from the inside.
But she would never get out at night, not with Daryl in bed with her. He always seemed to chip away at her resolve to leave. When he was close to her, that was all she wanted. It was best to leave when he was already gone. So she got ready, got her bag together, popped two pills and headed out the back.
The part of the wall right behind their townhouse is easy to climb. It is old and more rough and dented than anywhere else. The other side of the wall is covered in a thick forest, dense trees blocking anything out. The guard tower near them is unfinished; no one posted there to keep watch. Perfect for her to slip out from there.
She traces a path to lead her up and over the wall.
'Iwill come back,' she promises herself, knowing that this is where she belongs.
When she gets to the top, she looks back down at Alexandira. No one looked up at her in return. People around her are going about their morning. She smiles before turning to look out over the other side of the wall. With a sharp breath, she tumbles off the top of the wall, tucking her knees into her chest. The landing is a bit bumpy but she rolls tightly and lands without any pain.
The bushes around her rustle a little. She holds her breath and crouches down. Then, taking a deep breath, she bolts from her spot, running away from the wall. She tries to make sure she isn't seen, hugging close to the shadows, moving between the houses. She pauses between them to ensure no one is looking. She thought she was doing well.
"Pandora?"
She swears someone screams her name, but she puts her head down and weaves in and out of the trees. It doesn't take long for all the sounds around her to fall away. Only then does she stop and take a moment to breathe, when she is sure she had gone far enough. Once she catches her breath, she finds herself grinning so wide her face hurts.
"You did it," she tells herself, allowing herself a moment to sit in her pride. The pills had made everything feel unreal, like throwing a blanket over her emotions. They stop her from tumbling into a panic at the idea of being outside the walls alone.
'It's a good thing,' she reminds herself. 'They are a good thing.' Still grinning, she turns to continue her way down.
This was the first time he had come outside since he got to Maggie's, spending more time planning than anything else. The moment he steps outside to light a smoke he swears he hears her name in the wind. At first he thinks it's because of this morning. His head is full of her and he doesn't think much about it.
At one of the guard towers near their place there is a commotion and he hears her name again. He's right, someone just called her name. So, smoke in his hands, he partially runs for the guard tower.
"What did you say?" Daryl growls to the person on guard.
"I-I-I-I thought I saw Pandora for a second, going that way—"
he doesn't know the person and can't quite remember their name—"She stopped for a second then kept going."
Daryl turns back, running for his bike now. When he gets it, he pulls it up to the gate, demanding someone open it for him. No one comes, so he jumps off the bike and does it himself. He doesn't stop to check the house first to see if the guard is wrong, he doesn't need to. He knows it's true, it has the stink of Pandora all over it. Rushing out the first moment she's alone. She was probably planning it the whole time.
The bike roars to life under him. In the second it takes for the kickstand to come up, he's tearing down the street. He knows where she's going. The same place he's been thinking about going to since they got back.
She's going back to find Dwight.