This is Part 4 of an ongoing series titled A Court of Gold and Shadows. The other stories can be found on my profile and should be read before this one, because otherwise it will not make that much sense.

✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦

Chapter 1: The Morrigan

✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦

It all started with a glowing ball thing for Nyx's Birthday.

Azriel, who was notoriously known for absolutely hating to buy gifts for anybody that weren't very practical and needed….bought Nyx a ball filled with glowing magic, which was the kind of thing the Tartera fairies used to give their kids to play with.

Cassian just wondered where Azriel had picked that up. There hadn't been any mention of any missions related to the lesser fairies that lived in the mountains surrounding Velaris, but that didn't necessarily mean anything.

Still…

Azriel of all people suddenly being knowledgeable about children's toys?

Well, Cassian had not lived nearly 540 years to find that too weird.

And Nyx loved his glowing ball thing.

So maybe it wasn't that weird.

It was Nyxie's 2nd birthday, of course, they were going to get him gifts.

It was natural. That was what uncles were supposed to do.

"I have seen these before. Tartera use them for their children," Amren said, a comment thrown into the conversation and left there as Azriel murmured something about having gotten it from somebody he knew.

And maybe if it had just been the ball and nothing else…then he would have thought nothing about it.

But it didn't.

A few days later Azriel showed up after a mission, and unceremoniously handed Feyre a few pressed watercolour paints.

Azriel, Azriel who absolutely hated finding gifts for anybody , brought home paints for Feyre because he saw them and thought she would like them.

He wasn't the only one who stared at him at that. Even Rhys seemed more bemused than anything by Azriel handing his mate a couple of paints and then disappearing again.

Still…Cassian wondered. What in the world had brought this one now? Why buy anybody anything that was…well….

It was a thoughtful gift, he needed to admit it. And he was sure that Feyre appreciated the paints.

But still.

More intel was clearly needed. Maybe it was just a one-off. Who knew what was happening in Azriel's brain most of the time?

Cassian loved his brother. He liked to think that he knew him after over 500 years.

And then something happened and he wondered if any of them even knew Azriel at all. Tightly controlled, protective but still with a fierce temper that took a long time to rise but when it did…then his name of Lord of Bloodshed made him look like a puppy against Azriel.

Azriel waited and waited and then stroked out viper quickly and far harsher than needed.

Days later, Azriel handed Nesta two hairpins that also doubled as Stiletto Blades.

Just as beautiful and deadly as Cassian's mate.

They were works of art. Even somebody as uncultured as Cassian could see that. A pair of quicksilver, lightly curved things that were carefully and painstakingly engraved. The rubies at the top seemed to glow, nearly matching Cassian's syphons.

Quite frankly, it was a better gift than he had managed to get his mate for her last birthday.

"I thought you would like them," Azriel said, his voice quiet, nearly hesitant.

Regardless of how prickly Nesta could be, even she wasn't about to bite off Azriel's head when he looked so hopeful that she was going to like them.

Especially not, because for some reason, Nesta seemed to dote on Azriel sometimes nearly. So Cassian watched bemused as Nesta took them, a beautiful smile on her face, thanks to a gift his brother had given her.

"A friend of mine made them. Let me know if they work, they were a test pair," Azriel explained to Nesta, who nodded with a bloodthirsty little grin.

"If they do, do I get more?" Nesta asked him and Azriel just inclined his head.

"In any colour you want," he promised her. Cassian knew that Azriel was serious about it. If Nesta came to him in a week and told him she wanted a pair set with emeralds, Azriel was going to get them for her.

Az was like that.

Hiding a surprisingly soft heart behind layers and layers of sharp spikes.

And then, after the next time, he went somewhere…Azriel came back with a knife for Mor.

Oh no.

Suddenly it all made sense.

Granted it was a pretty knife. A very pretty knife.

But still.

Morrigan .

Azriel had spent half a millennia miserably pining over Mor.

Cassian had also not made it better in the slightest.

Mor had used him to escape an arranged marriage and Cassian was an idiot and had gone for it, because…well, he had been jealous of Azriel. So instead, he had been stupid and hurt his brother enough that Azriel still wasn't over it.

Azriel had never said anything about it.

Of course not. Azriel was the type to suffer in silence.

Not even when Mor had finally admitted to all of them that she preferred Females, that she was dating Emerie, that she was in love with a woman…it had always just…

Azriel had spent half a millennia pining over Mor and had only gotten over her seemingly a couple of years ago…and then the whole Elain thing had happened.

Elain.

Cassian still wondered what exactly had gone down there.

He didn't know.

Still, he wondered. Wondered, what had pushed between them, because Azriel and Elain seemed to get along so well...and he had really thought that maybe there was something brewing between them. Something more than simple friendship. But of course, she was mated, so really…Azriel had never stood a chance, had he?

Azriel had stayed stoic. Of course.

He didn't talk about it. Still, Cassian could pinpoint it to Elain and Lucien growing closer…and Az doing everything to stay away from her.

He hadn't said a word.

He hadn't needed to. Something had happened, Cassian could see that. He had never seen his brother seem quite that…broken. Quite that…ripped apart.

When Elain and Lucien finally figured things out, it broke Azriel's heart.

And Azriel had reacted like he always did to pain. Silent.

Azriel had said nothing, done nothing.

He had just…become even quieter than usual. Even more skittish. Cassian knew him well enough to know that pushing him about it was a fucking suicide mission. So he hadn't.

Still, he wished his brother would rage and fight and Cassian could do something to make it better. And not just...seemingly crawl inside himself and lay down to die.

But then, he had his own problems with Nesta to figure out at the time so maybe he hadn't been quite the brother that Azriel had needed. Maybe he should have pushed and prodded and gotten Azriel to talk to him about Elain before Lucien and she had disappeared off to the Day Court.

Maybe that would have made sure that Azriel wasn't going to go back to pine right over Mor.

Which he clearly was going to do.

Starting with that noise.

Azriel would go back to pine over Mor. Never anything salacious. Just quietly. Respectfully. Like his brother was with every fibre of his being.

He wouldn't say anything, do anything that could be constructed as anything but devoted friendship. And he would be devoted. Cassian knew that.

He would be utterly miserable, all because he so desperately wanted somebody that would see him. See not the Terror of the Night Court, the Spymaster that made enemies cower...but him. Azriel. Behind the black leathers and the shadows that clung to him.

Morrigan gave Azriel a gracious smile, always radiant, thanked Azriel and happily took the knife.

Azriel seemed happy about it.

The moment Azriel looked away, Mor shot him a look, pointed and a little bit terrified. She knew. Cassian knew too.

Cassian thought about opening his mouth and saying something right then. He just wasn't quite sure what. Azriel could gift Mor a dagger if he wanted to. There was nothing bad about it. It wasn't inappropriate? It was just…

Azriel was gonna go back to pining over unavailable Mor, who these days seemed quite content to have her own winged warrior that decisively was not Azriel, but instead Emerie.

And Azriel was…Azriel was gonna be miserable. He seemingly always was these days.

And Cassian didn't know how to make it better.

Maybe if he just…Maybe if he just made it very clear to Az that Mor was never going to go for him and that going back to pining over her was not going to make him anything but miserable.

Right.

There was to hope that his brother didn't outright kill him for it. Better to do it when they were already dressed for that.

He grasped the opportunity at their next sparring session.

"Where did you get it from?" he asked, doing his best not to sound overtly interested in that stupid dagger.

Azriel stared at him like he had gone insane. Come on, just work with him there! Cassian just wanted to help. He wanted his brother to be happy. Was that too much to want?!

"I picked it up in a market in the Summer Court?" Azriel answered questioningly. "I saw it and I thought Mor would like it."

The worst part was that Cassian was sure that it was the truth. Azriel had seen it and had wanted to please Mor and because of that, he had brought that dagger, with a ruby set in the hilt. Very pretty. Very deadly. Just like her.

"It's…nice that you…thought of her," Cassian forced out. It was nice. It was very nice that Azriel had thought about Mor, but…but it just was going to make him even more miserable.

"Cass…just spit it out," Azriel sighed. Apparently, Cassian wasn't quite as subtle as he tried to be. "What does it matter that I bought Mor a knife?" It was nearly defensive how he said that.

Nearly defensive, like Azriel expected Cassian to make fun of him because he tried to do something nice.

Cauldron, why couldn't…why couldn't Azriel not just meet a nice female that turned out to be his mate?

Somebody utterly common. Like a flower seller in Velaris. That would suit Azriel just fine! Some nice female that would dote on his brother and give him something to heave all that love on that he clearly had and had no outlet for.

He was sure that Azriel would dote on her.

It didn't seem fair that both Rhys and him had found their mates and Azriel hadn't. It wasn't fair, period.

But when had that stupid cooking pot ever cared about what Cassian thought? Never.

"I just mean that…Mor and Emerie are really happy together," Cassian ripped off the plaster. Why did he even need to do this? Why couldn't Azriel just get what he deserved? And that wasn't pining over Mor, a completely unavailable female who was very happy with her partner.

Azriel stared at him, wide-eyed, a near-wild look in his eyes. Cassian braced himself for an explosion.

None came.

"Yes, they are," Azriel agreed with him. Earnestly. He meant that.

He was happy for Mor. He was.

Even now, utterly miserable and in love with Mor, he still wanted her to be happy. Even when that wasn't with him. Even when it meant that he had no happiness for himself at all.

Bless the mother, it was breaking Cassian's fucking heart.

"Cassian, whatever you are thinking…that's not why I bought Mor the knife," Azriel said drily.

Cassian just stared at him.

Wait, what?

"Well, why did you?" Cassian challenged him, curious now.

"Because I bought Feyre paint and I got Nesta these hairpins," Azriel shrugged. "Seemed unfair to Mor."

It seemed unfair to Mor?

So what, was he gonna buy Amren a pair of earrings next?

"Az, you hate giving people gifts," Cassian said slowly. Cassian was quite sure that it must be because Azriel never thought that his gifts were thoughtful enough. Even when they were. He was much better at gift-giving than Cassian was.

"Yes, I do," Azriel agreed, "but I just came across them." Right. Still.

"Don't worry, I'll bring you back something next time if you feel like I am neglecting you. Maybe some flowers." The audacity. Though the grin that was plastered all over Azriel's face made it worth it.

Fine. Let him be. If Azirel didn't want to talk to him, then he wasn't. Cassian was going to keep an eye on his brother. And he was going to make sure that Azriel was going to be happy. Az deserved that.

Even when he was being particularly annoying. "You are an asshole."

Azriel grinned at him.

A week later, Azriel unceremoniously dumped a bouquet on his lap at a meeting.

Cassian just stared at it.

"Did you really bring me back flowers?" he finally asked with a sigh.

The corner of Azriel's mouth went up.

"You are ridiculous," Cass complained, maybe leaning a bit too much into it because if it amused Azriel, of course, he would. "What am I supposed to do with these? Why don't I get a pretty dagger like Mor did? How is this fair? Rhys, tell him this isn't fair!"

He could already feel the sneeze starting to come up.

"I don't know, I think these fit your charming personality much better," Rhys said drily, picking a piece of lint from his jacket and Cassian glared playfully at Az, who seemed even more than amused about it, his eyes glinting.

"Take your flowers with you," Cass said, throwing them back at Az, who easily plucked them from the air, handing them off to a swirling shadow that just seemed to wait for it. The bouquet disappeared.

"Fine, I'll give them to somebody who can appreciate them," Azriel said with a roll of his eyes.

Huh.

✦ . ⁺ . ✦ . ⁺ . ✦