Defiant
Three days pass and Negan doesn't come back. At first it fine, better even. Pandora turns their conversation over and over in her head, insurance policy he called her. She is here to make sure Rick behaves himself, Negan didn't need to tell her what happens if they don't play nice she knows. She sees it every time she goes to sleep at night, the price of defiance. Being used again in any way makes her angry. So she spends her days in an endless loop of rage, sometimes tries to plan, always she wonders where Daryl is. But as the hours pass Pandora is alone with her thoughts more than she likes to be.
The more she thinks in silence the more anxiety tries to choke her. Pandora spirals in those days goes spinning into panic and with no one to help bring her back they run their course. She doesn't have the strength to get up when it's over, instead she lays there.
She slips in and out of fit full dreams no matter the time of day. Someone keeps bringing food to her room when she's asleep, but she doesn't eat it. Only lets the plates sit piling up on the dresser.
In the time, she's awake she explores the room, looks through every inch under the mattress behind the little furniture. The room was bare, not even a window. Vents above her pumped cool air down into the space. They had power then or some of them had power. As she's walking past the door, she hears footsteps.
It reminds her of Negan's first visit; she pictures him bursting through the door, the bat in hand. That image has her moving to the bed she had to push on the far side of the room. In the bed, she sobs and keeps her hand pressed hard over her mouth. Sometimes it's easy to hide when you quiet, better to save the energy and use it for something better than making all that noise. Pandora falls asleep that night dreaming of Daryl.
When she wakes on the third day her body groans in protest. There is a few long seconds where she does nothing but try to test her muscles. Stretches her arms above her head, pulls her knees to get chest. They're too weak shaking from strain with any movement almost immediately. Too much stress not enough food and water, she wasn't sure. But she ignored it shoved in down into darker places where it wouldn't bother her. A dull pain still radiates from her side when she moves or twisted a certain way, so she twists and moves in a certain way. The pain is sharp, and it wakes her better than any cup of coffee.
The pain brings a moment of lighten bolt clarity to her brain, and she thinks she tried of being a victim. Never stop fighting that was always what she told herself. Every time the dead came for her she fought, every time the wolves came for her she fought them. She would fight this, she could fight this, fight them. They were just men; she had killed men before.
A quick scan of the room and she noticed that there was no fresh food, no one had come yet. Pandora takes a plate smashes it against the floor and collects the biggest share she can find. Her grip is tight on her piece of shard, she's tiny enough to slip behind the door. The moment the handle moves she is ready and when the frame steps through she is in motion. She launches herself forward and lands on the figures back. There is a grunt of surprise a whispered curse, still she holds on. To the right she hears glass shattering on the ground. But she's fast even half starved, and when a hand flies out for her, she makes a quick slash. She gets something what she can't tell the body part; the shard hits something she pushes harder. The figure under her growls a hand treads itself into her hair yanking her off balance.
"Princess I would have been so nice to you." His voice freezes her in motion stops the blood in her veins. His fingers tighten again and then he drags her in front of him. "Look at the mess you made."
He shoved her to the ground almost into the broken glass. Pandora almost doesn't stop in time, she is inches short of slicing her arm open on a shard of broken glass. She can picture herself now like Abraham and Glenn her head a ruined mess. Negan might kill her here, it wouldn't be the worst. No, she might even welcome the end.
"Clean this fucking mess up Princess. I'll be back." Negan snarls at her kicking the broken plate.
Then he's door shutting hard behind him. Pandora is still on the ground forehead touching to cold cement floor. Negan's voice floats back to her be nice, that's what he wanted her to be nice. Fuck this, fuck all of this. Fuck being used as a pawn in the game she wants no part in. Pandora doesn't cry again, can't bring herself to find tears. Instead a scream rips its way from her throat, rocking her ears. fingers found a plate and hurled it against the wall. Glass and food splashed outwards.
It's a release the act of breaking things. The sound of the chattering glass filling the silence left in Negan's wake. She rages after that smashing everything she can get her hands on. She destroys the rest of the plates hurling them at the wall and watching food spatter over everything nearby. The dresser is next, it take no effort to pull the drawers free leave the contents spread out on the floor.
When it over, she's emptied herself out she curls into the corner behind the door. Her shoulders press against the wall behind her as if she could press hard enough to fall into the wall itself. She's not hidden she knows it, the moment they shut the door there she is.
The handle jiggles and she goes stiff. No, someone is coming in here. Whiping her head around she tries to find a place to hide. There isn't, she has destroyed the room. The bed is flipped over into the corner, mattress ripped open insides spilling out. The door opens and closes before she can even finish the thought she's having.
A light if flicked on over head and it's like the sun has risen in the room. In the light she has done a number on the room, it's a ruined mess. Negan is there standing over her now, shaking his head. Two other men standing behind him, she doesn't miss their hands on their guns.
She wonders what their instruction is, to shoot her if she moves. Are they scared of her? They might be, she's wild here. More animal than human, more rage than logic.
"Princess, I thought you would be good." Negan's voice found her cutting through the fog in her brain.
Seconds pass in silence as Negan stares down at her, face twisting with rage. She flinches pushing herself back again trying to become smaller. There is a gap just to his left, she could make it if she's fast enough. She moves just a fraction. Negan is fast, hand reaching for her hair, she can't jerk away in time. So he grabs a fist full of her waves using it to haul her upwards.
"I'm gonna have to teach you to be good."
Negan is all rage and fire when he speaks. He yanks her arm, almost taking it out of socket. Pandora screams, tries to get her footing to relieve the pressure. It's no use, he moves faster than she can. He drags her out the bedroom, kicking the door open.
"Thought you were smarter Princess I really fucking did."
He pulls her down the hall, never giving her long enough to get her footing. They turn and turn and turn go down steps, but never up. When they stop, it's dark. There is no natural light here, only the fake glow of bulbs in the ceiling.
Her brain trips over itself, this seems like a good idea her grand rebellion. Now she's terrified. Negan stops walking, jerks her arm pulling her upright beside him.
"Open the fucking door." Negan roars in front of her Pandora watches the man take the keys from his belt and open the door.
When he does her heart, stops beating. The door opens to a small dark room the scent inside turns her stomach. She tries to look away but Negan threads his hands in her hair forcing her to turn. Daryl isn't dressed, he huddles naked in the back. He hides his face against the incoming light from the hallway motions jerky and sharp.
"Daryl! Wanted to give you a chance to see the Princess here, before she goes off to learn how to be good." By the time he had finished the sentence his lips were right next to her ear making her shiver. "Strong willed as you are Daryl. I wonder who breaks first."
She reaches for him trying desperate to touch him. He only stares at her, silent. He had asked her to do one thing and she couldn't. Daryl's image swims in her tear filled vision. Fingers hooked into claws she pulls away from Negan, feeling little strands of hair come free from her scape. It doesn't matter, doesn't even hurt only makes her pull harder.
"Now, now none of that." The word's are growled out, and he yanks her again, hard.
In her state it throws her off balance, leaving her tripping over her own feet.
She doesn't go easy doesn't know she had it in her anyone. Instead she bucks and kicks throwing her weight to the side. Negan swears and shakes her hard rattling her teeth in her skull. She's being dragged down the hall now the door Daryl was behind getting slammed shut. The sound of the lock clicking into place bounces off the walls, echoing around her.
"No!" She's now trying to crawl at Negan. Losing him a second time even if she had only seen him for a second is too much. Pandora screams and cries begs to see him again, begs to have one more moment. While she rages Negan ignores her.
She is present enough to know they have stopped. Her frame shakes as she tiltes her head up to look at Negan, he grins down at her his smile all teeth.
"Night, night Princess." Negan's tone is sing song, then he tosses her into the darkness in front of her. The force he throws her sends her hurling into the wall, then everything falls into darkness.
When she wakes everything is stiff. For a second there is that moment when she forgets where she is. For a blissful moment, she thinks she fell asleep on the guard tower again. She's done that before, spent the night out under the stars waiting for Daryl. It's so real she can almost feel it, the breeze tickling her skin, the cool air giving her goosebumps. But when she opens her eyes and sees only darkness she remembers.
She can't quite remember how she got here. Chucks of time are missing in her head. She remembers Negan dragging her from her room. Remembers seeing Daryl huddled in the darkness and being dragged away before she too is in darkness.
Her head pounds and pulling herself up is hard. The pressure behind her eyes is unrelenting. All around her is darkness, so she blinks wondering maybe if she forgot to open her eyes. They are open though but where ever she is there is no light. Hand lifting she touches her nose, wiggles her fingers in front of her open eyes. Nothing happens, then she panics.
It's fast it swallows her whole sending her spinning into a cold sweat. Pandora bangs on the walls screams until her voice dies in her chest. Her panic is only meet with more silence. The small space fills with the sound of her own voice, it bounces off the walls echoing back in the ears. That is enough to almost drive her mad then, a space filled with nothing but her own panicking voice.
There's no way to keep track of time, no sense of anything but complete darkness. Her stomach tightens painfully begging for food, something she can't provide. Somewhere in her mind she can recognize that something is wrong, her sideburns. Sweat collects on her brow, but it's cold in the little dark room. In the darkness, her fingers slipped under her shirt touching the wound in her side only to come away wet.
The door is open twice and each time a new plate of food place down before it is closed. They must fear her must fear her launching herself at them the second they open the door. She doesn't have it in her though everything hurts in her skin burns with a fire she has no way to cool. She eats though the moment the door is closed she reaches out and grabs the plate scooping them bread off and shoveling and down emptying the contents of the water bottle before placing it back to the door.
Pandora tries to count the time between when someone comes to open the door, but she slips away into sleep. Dreams of Negan and his bat, being in the line up again. In her dreams all her nightmares blend into one. Negan's men are the wolves, tearing at her clothes hands on her body as Negan beats her friends to death. She wakes screaming, nails shedding her skin to red ruin.
When she wakes again, it's still dark and she things about Negan, about what he wants her to learn down here, to be good. She could do it. She would do what she's told and listen the second she gets let out of this room. He would see. The door opens two more times, and she's coherent enough again to reach for the plate. The thought of putting anything in her mouth makes her gag, so she leaves it full.
Although sometimes later she's not sure how much time passed, she finds herself doubled over into the corner of her small dark room vomiting up her insides. That marks her descent into true madness. If the door opens more times or more food is delivered, she doesn't notice because she can't tell the difference between being awake and her dreams. Peaceful dreaming is something she knows nothing about in the darkness whether her eyes are open or closed nightmares plague her.
The wolves come for her in the darkness hands and mouth made of shadows curling around her ankles and moving their way up her body. Negan comes for her to swinging that bat and his face fingers tangled in her hair and dragging her up and then down forcing her to look at Daryl. Daryl, she dreams about him too but he's back in the lineup his head a ruined mess, and Negan is waving a bloody bat in her face. Pandora does nothing but cry continue to vomit curled in the corner of the room. Her skin burns when she touches it, but she is covered in goosebumps shaking from the cold. The wound on her side continues to leak sticky liquid, and she's almost positive she will die in this room.
There is no sense of time, only darkness always just the darkness. Dreaming and waking are no different here she can't even tell when she is awake. Whether she is awake or asleep, the nightmares haunt her every moment. It's a cycle the wolves rape her in the darkness, Negan kills everyone she loves before her eyes. It's never ending and somewhere in her head something is broken.
Negan comes back to her sometimes, whispering telling her to be good, that good girls get good things. She can be a good girl, she can be so good. She whispers it to herself sometimes, whispers she's good. Pandora will do anything to get out of the darkness.
Voices float around her, fingers brush the burning flesh of her forehead. There is light streaming into her dark cage it stings her eyes forcing her to hold them shut. She can hear men talking somewhere around her. But she can't quite make out the words. It's the wolves, she thinks, it must be them finding her here in her nightmares.
"Please, please." She finds her voice however small and horse. It's not the wolves coming for her, the world swims into focus and she sees Dwight. "I'll be good, please."
The light is too bright after so long in the dark, her eyes don't adjust don't make out anything but white light. She has to close them, it's all too much again. As she slips away again, she can hear shouted curses following her into the dark.
"You fuck heads didn't notice!" Negan roars rage boiling. "She's burning up, not eating. Fuck!"
The girl is limp again in Dwight's arms. She's a mess, thin and sick looking. Her shirt plastered to her side wound oozing fluid. It been five days, she's only been in there for five fucking days.
Negan stands over Dwight before leans down taking her limp form in his arms. He covers the ground to medical in long angry strides. Heads will roll for this shit, for letting his pretty new guest get like this. He should have checked on her should have gone down there his fucking self and looked.
He kicks the door open setting inside and turning his head. Dr Carson stands form his desk brows knitted. There is a room to the side Negan carries her inside laying her down gently. His fingers brush her hair from her eyes, under his fingers her skin is fire.
"Carson!" He screams. "Get your fucking ass in here."
Dr. Carson steps in pulling the curtain closed behind him.
Negan turns on the Doctor, "If she dies you die."
Then he went to find out who had let this go on under their noses.
In her head Pandora is always running, her dreams never give her a moment to rest. She runs faster than she has done before. The trees around her hide the whispering figures. In the darkness the wolves howl, laughing as they come for her.
Whistling comes from the tress Pandora stumbles tripping on the ground falling into an open clearing. The darkness is gone then chased away by bright artificial lights.
"Princess! I found you!" Negan stands here in the middle of the clearing arms outstretched wide. In his left hand he holds the bat, the end touches the floor. She can't help but notice his fingers trace the flattened top of his weapon of choice.
Pandora falls to her knees now sobbing, he is the light in her darkness. Negan will save her that's why he does he saves people. If she lets him, he will save her. She remembers the room the four walls encased in darkness, the never-ending loop of nightmares.
"Please," She begs leaning down forehead pressed to the dirt floor. "I'll be good, don't let them get me."
Negan is in front of her then grinning, "Oh Princess I know you will be good now."
The darkness comes then moving like it's a creature itself. It slithers and curls around Negan. He doesn't notice only kneels down fingers under her chin tilting her head up.
"You're gonna be so good."
Then he's gone swallowed into the darkness.
Pandora doesn't wake right away, she floats somewhere in the nothingness of her mind. Half awake and half asleep she hears them and knows they are talking about her.
"The infection is clearing and her fever broke last night."
"Finally, some good fucking news. Have her moved to her new room."
"Yes, Negan."
When she comes to again her eyes open right away, the world around her lit. A soft warm yellow light, from a source she can't see. A sob escapes her lips, she squeezes her eyes shut tight as she says a silent prayer. Thanking whoever was listening for letting her out of the darkness. She thanks Negan too, in the darkness he came for her, he saved her.
Pandora stays like that for a moment eyes shut tight tears staining her cheeks. For long seconds. Her chest is light the pressure of the darkness lifted, allowing her to breathe deeply again. In the light everything makes sense, in the light she could tell the difference between being awake and being asleep. She was almost sure she had spent the entire time in a fevered state of dreaming. Somewhere in between being awake and asleep that's where she was tortured.
There are the sounds outside of her bedroom, with her eyes shut they are crisp and clear. Footsteps, she thinks to herself. A tapping too, a small faint tick, tick, tick from somewhere outside this room. There is a moment of irrational panic, in which she pictures being dragged back into the darkness. She wonders if it's Negan, if he has come to ask her again if she knows how to be good. This time she knows she answers, she knows. She can be good.
In her dreams Daryl had been with her, telling her in a hushed voice that to live she had to do whatever she needed to do to stay alive. She would listen because he was right, he was always right. She was so sure she could fight her way out, but some things were worse than death, that box had been worse than death.
The footsteps passed by her again, and nothing happened. Still laying in the bed she runs her hands over her face, tangles her fingers in her hair and pulls a bit too hard.
'Just to be sure.' She tells herself 'Just to be sure'
It's hard to pull herself up from the bed, her body stiff from being still for too long. The bed she finds herself it, is nothing short of amazing. Even half asleep and terrified she can appreciate how comfortable she is. The sheets are plush, thick warm jersey material. The comforter is heavy on top of her legs keeping her grounded.
Her fingers tremble as she brushes the clean shirt she's wearing lifting it, just enough to see her skin under it. A patch of skin on her side is covered in a thick white bandage. Her fingers run over it, pushing down until she feels the resistance of her own skin. The pain is a quick flash that has her dropping her fingers. It hadn't looks like that before, she used to be able to see the stitches.
Bits of conversation floated back to her, something about an infection, a fever. It makes sense she thinks, she remembers being hot and cold at the same time. There is a flash of someone carrying her, shouting and swearing, Negan's voice demanding to know who let this happen. She remembers hearing herself pleading with him telling him she could be good, then nothing.
Finally she opens her eyes, letting the room come into focus in her vision. The room she's in is different this time, different from the one she first woke up in. Pandora has lost count of how many times she has woken up somewhere different.
This room is bigger, the walls are painted a bright white, with a deep blue wall behind the bed. The bed was bigger than the last one too, this was a queen almost as nice as the one she slept on back home. The bed she sat in was pushed against the wall, on the wall opposite her there was a large steel door. She had been here long enough to know it lead to the outside. To the right of the door was a small kitchenette, nothing more than a small L shape of counters. But it had a small plug in stove top, and a sink. There was a small round table was well, with only two chairs. Just past the table there is another door, washroom she assumes but can't be sure until she can get up and check. Past that on the same wall as the bed is a window, with a plush chair and a bookshelf tucked in the corner of the room.
Pandora can't help but wonder if this is a trick, if this was another game to break her. Going from the darkness to this it was too good to be true.
A knock on the door makes her blink again and pulls she blankets up over her chest. She doesn't answer, not sure what the new rules are if she has the power to decide who comes in and who doesn't. So instead she is silent eyes trained to the door. It unlocks, swings open to reveal a brown-haired woman standing in front of another man.
The women look familiar, but the man standing behind her he is unknown.
"You can go now." The women tell the man over her shoulder. In one hand, she holds a tray of food, she uses her free hand to shut the door in his face.
"It's good to see you awake."
Pandora isn't sure what the say, she opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. In her head, she tries to sort through the bits of memories she has, tries to find out where she knows these women from.
The women step into the room she moves to the small kitchen and produces a bed tray from inside one of the cupboard. She sets it up on the bed and places the food on it. Pandora watches as she pulls up a chair from the kitchen table bringing it to the side of her bed. Close enough that they could talk, but far enough so that Pandora is still at ease. Or as much as she could be.
"You should eat," The brown-haired women gestured to the plate and the water sitting on the bed.
It looks like something she would get in a hotel, scrambled eggs, bread, dried meat and an apple. Pandora reaches for the water first uncapping in and emptying it in seconds. She moves to the food then, chewing will keep her from having to talk.
"You don't remember me do you?"
An apple half way in her mouth Pandora shakes her head eyes down, embarrassed at the gap in her memory.
"I'm Sherry. I'm one of Negan's wives. We meet before when you were in medical. And before that..." Sherry doesn't finish.
Pandora remembers now, remembers Sherry helping her from the chair taking her behind the curtain and getting her dressed. Anything after that is a blur or images, none of them making sense out of order. There is something else, a memory somewhere in her head that is demanding her attention. A place where she had seen Sherry before this, it doesn't come to her now though.
When the plate is finished Pandora opens her mouth trying to find her voice, "You helped me, I remember that."
Sherry's tight lips form a small smile, "That's right."
They fall back into silence then; Pandora eyes wonder the room again, taking everything in. She still isn't sure that is she awake, she could be imagining Sherry too. This whole thing could be nothing more than ber broken mind trying to help her forget.
"This is your new room" Sherry tries to smile, but her eyes dart to the door for a second. Then her voice drops in pitch to almost a whisper. "Pandora there is always something worse ok? He will put you back in the box if he needs too."
The box that's what they call her, her little ninth circle of hell. The box. A small dark place where she left some of herself. She draws her knees slowly to her chest, pulling her arms tightly around them. She presses herself together like that, there is pressure on her stitches. It's almost sweet the pain, it clears her head.
"I don't need that," She whispers voice shaking. "I know how to be good."
Sherry looks at her now one corner of her lip turning up in a smile. The woman reaches out, touching her hand. The touch is light fluttering, if Pandora wasn't looking she wouldn't have felt it "That's good, it's not that bad here."
Pandora chokes back the tears that swim in her eyes pulling her hand away. Every breath she takes hurts, like a million tiny shards of glass. It takes a few seconds for her collect herself enough to speak.
"Can you tell me—"
Her words are cut short by the door swinging open with a bang. Negan stands in the opening; Pandora's eyes go right for the bat in his hand. It sends her heart tripping over itself. But he lays it down against the wall before shutting the door behind him.
"Princess your awake that is so good, just in time for the show."
Sherry stands putting herself in front of Negan blocking him from her line of sight.
"She knows Negan, she's terrified already."
"I don't give a shit Sherry, she doesn't know until I see it. Get the fuck out."
Sherry looks back at Pandora once, then she's hurrying past her door shutting it behind her.
Negan strides forward taking the chair that Sherry had been in a moment ago.
"Now listen Pandora, things have been a little rough between us. This isn't how I like to do things" He lifts his hand rubbing the small beard he had growing. "I think you know what I want you to do, but I gotta be sure ok?"
Negan stands again holding his hand out for her. She hasn't stood in days and doesn't even know if she can manage it.
But she tries because that is what he is asking her, she must do what he asked if she wants to be good. Her shaking fingers fling the blankets off, leaving her lower half bare. She isn't wearing shoes, only a thick pair of socks. She is wearing pants too, a loose fitting pair of sweatpants.
"I can be good now." Pandora whispers she doesn't take his hand. Instead she pushes herself off the bed, he steps aside a hand on her elbow to keep her standing.
"And that's that I want to hear, but I need to show you what happens when you're not good."
The blood in her veins freezes then, he tugs her to get her moving but she can't. Her head fills with images of the box, of nothing but never-ending darkness.
"Please," She looks up at him trying to pull her arm away. "I can't go back in there I was good, like you wanted."
Pandora is close to hysterics, eyes wide tears streaming down her cheeks. She digs her heels into the ground tried to stop the motion of movement. He saved her from there, he can't take her back. She did everything she was told, she was nice to Sherry she ate.
Negan stops than its slow, he looks down at her.
"Don't you worry Princess Pandora, no box for you, I have something else in mind."