Negan leads her to her room in silence, people drop to their knees as they pass. Her head is a mess, a swirl of thoughts and emotions she doesn't have the strength to sort them out. As they walk Negan slips closer to her draping his arm over her shoulder. Pandora doesn"t speak only allows the contact to trigger a sag in her bones. She melts into him for a moment. it's not like it is with Daryl, but a touch ground her keeps her here in this moment. Negan takes her silence for consent and pulls her closer.
"You were such a good girl today Princess." His whispers it in her ear, tickles her hair with his breath. "You were so damn good."
She doesn't answer and they lapse back into silence, thick and stifling. Pandora behaved so well and no one got hurt. She did everything they told her and everyone she loves stayed safe. It's easy to keep them safe, she doesn't have much else to offer so she can do this for them.
Back in her room her body feels heavy, and the bed calls to her with its sweet softness. Stepping forward, she lets her feet carry her towards the bed. Her fingers brush the soft covers.
"You want to sleep Princess?"
Blinking hard she turns only to see Negan standing over her. His face has the hard lines removed he reaches out for her fingers stroking her chin. She can't feel his skin he is wearing the leather gloves, but she can feel the heat of him through the material.
She can't answer him only nods her head hoping he sees it. He does, and she is surprised the tenderness he uses to help her undress. He takes her boots first placing them next the bed, the skirt is next followed by the second top. Leaving her in nothing but tight and a tank top. Despite the weariness in her bones she doesn't miss the way his eyes skim over her, or the spark of hunger she sees in them.
That has her moving on her own, slipping her frame under the sheets to escape his gaze. Glancing up she finds Negan still watching her an unreadable look spreading across his face.
"Sleep tight Princess."
He's gone then shutting the door behind him all without making a sound. In the darkness her mind wanders, she misses home, misses Daryl. Yet she can't shake something deep inside her that seems rested here, calm. It hard to understand, and it hurts her head to think about it. Negan is nice to her, when she's good, and now she's always good.
Waking happens with Pandora gasping for breath and shaking. She's not screaming but her chest heaves in shuddering gasping breaths. Sheets are tangled around her leg, fabric pulled tight like gripping fingers. Gasping she rips them off leaving them pulled down around her waist.
In the darkness of her room the silence is only broken by the sound of her ragged breathing. A long ago memory comes back to her, she's with Daryl and she is counting as she breathes. In, one, two, three, four, out one, two, three, four. It takes a few times, she imagines it Daryl sitting next to her hands held tight in his own helping her calm down. It's easy to push it away though, easy to forget it hurts less this way.
Outside the window the sky is lightning, stars being chased away by sunlight. The grey is being replaced by hues of pink and purple. The sky is clear and she can see for miles and miles. down the highway filled with empty cars. It seems so terrible that something as beautiful as this sunrise can exist when the world is so ugly.
Sleep won't come back to her, Pandora has done this dance before and she knows. She doesn't have the urge to waste away anymore. Instead she wants to move wants to be a person again, instead of a shaking mass of drugs and tears.
"Shower." She tells herself out loud. Lifting the blankets off she feels the cold chill of the air against her legs. Some time in the night her tights had rolled up to her knees. Pandora wonders if she was screaming, she must have been if the state of her clothes is any clue.
Pandora makes her way to the shower, at a pace slower than she would have liked. This time with the door shut she strips and examines herself. Thin black string holds her wound closed. She must be do for an appointment with the doctor here soon to have them removed. Sighing she allows her fingers to trail over the wound. Her ribs stick out from under caramel skin, all hard sharp edges. There isn't a single inch of extra fat anywhere she touches. Pandora is nothing more than a skeleton now, a thin layer of muscle still visible under the skin.
There still isn't a mirror in the bathroom, she can't remember the last time she saw her own face in one. If her body is any clue her face can't be much better. Before all of this she was doing better working hard gaining weight, all her hard work has vanished in her time within these walls.
In the shower she turns the water up as hot as it goes. It's warmer than the last time she was in here. It's relaxing for once. The warm water melts the tension in the muscles. In the glass of the shower she sees her own reflection. It's as frightening as she thought. Her face seems sunken the round shape she had before she came here is gone. Leaving only sharp angled cheekbones and dark under eye circles. Pandora finishes without looking at herself again.
In the room she stands in front of the closet finger gripping the towel against her chest. The moment she opens the door though some tension melts away. Everything inside is different. The closet is now full of pants, legging, jeans there isn't a skirt in sight. The tops are different too, t-shirts, sweaters, long sleeves enough for her to layer hide her body under.
Dressed in dark jeans and a dark blue sweater her stomach growls, reminding her she isn't a skeleton after all. It's part of the problem this getting lost in her own head forgetting to eat. It is getting better she is more aware these days because she has to do. Because despite everything it's still dangerous here.
Pandora isn't even sure there is anything to eat in here. Sighing she turns and explored the kitchen something she should have done before now, anyway. When she opens the cupboard, there is an assortment of dried food. Some oatmeal, cereal, soup cans, a few boxes of Mac and cheese.
She goes for the oatmeal, but has to read the package on how to make it. Daryl always cooked for her or Carol, housekeeping was not her strongest suit. Too lost in her own head half the time to remember to eat let alone to cook something.
Once it's all said and done, she finds herself back in the high-backed chair at the window taking in the sanctuary waking up for the day. Somewhere below her men mulled about checking cars. Turning to the right she tried to track movement feeling to stitches tug. Gritting her teeth against the discomfort she heads for the door. At first her knock is nothing more than a tap, the second time her knuckles wrap harder. Leaning back she waited the door swung open a bald man in the other side
"What?"
"I, I, I need to see the doctor."
The man stared down at her glaring. He doesn't give her an answer only shuts the door in her face hard enough she feels the vibration in her bones. From her side of the door she could hear a muttered conversation. She can't make out the words but hears the lulls of a voices.
Pandora steps back a few steps putting space between her and door. Her arms snake around her middle squeezing with a firm pressure. It makes the stitches at her side pull at her skin tugging at where the skin has already fused together. Working her fingers under her shirt she rubs the string holding her skin together. It's smooth where it's exposed and the cut feels smooth the trama it endured has vanished.
"Ok let's go." The bald man reached out for her, meaty hand closing on her upper arm. He makes the move to pull her towards him. He had appeared there, no sound to warn her. She had gotten lost again and hadn't even heard him come in.
Pandora's body goes into flight mode the second he touches her. Fireworks go off in her brain, jerking her arm free she stumbles backwards away from him.
"What the fuck, I said let's go."
She only stars at him, taking steps backwards back into her room. This isn't right when she needs to go somewhere Negan comes to get her. She is safe with him, she could not say the same for his men.
"No, no, no," She stammered. "You have to get Negan."
The bald man steps in closer to her room, "He's too busy to baby sit some crazy bitch." His tone is harsh hand reaching out again for her.
She doesn't allow it though, side stepping his outstretched hand she skirts past him. The door is wide open and for whatever reason she thinks this is a good idea, leaving the room. The full thought process of what might happen when Pandora steps past the threshold is lost when she moves.
Dancing past the bald man she is out the door in a flash, behind her she hears shouts and cursing. Once in the hall there is another man rushing towards her, logical thought is now replaced by panic. The hall in front of her room is open to below. Her hands grip the railing and before she can think she is lowering herself onto the lower level.
There is more force behind her movement when she jumps over the railing, and the moment her feet hit the ground tiny lightning bolts of pain shoot up her legs. This hallway looks just like the one she had left. There is no defining features to mark it, a lightning bolt strikes her brain she has no idea where she's going.
"Princess?" The voice should make her flinch. It should induce fear. Instead the tension she was carrying in her shoulders melts, and she feels sick over it. He keeps her safe though, he promised he would. "What are you doing out here?"
Turning to face Negan she closes the distance in a few quick steps. Pandora stands frozen in front of him, watching him uncross his arms from his chest. Behind her the doors to the stairs fling open two men come spilling out swearing and screaming.
"What happened?" Negan has stopped looking at her and is staring at the men who just came stumbling into the hallway. He turns back to her then, flicking his fingers for her to come closer. She does as he tells her, and when he puts an arm around her, she doesn't go stiff. Something else happens, he's warm and her muscles sag under his weight.
The bald man is the one step up, hand resting in his gun. "She said she wanted to go to the Doctor. So I opened the door to take her, and she lost her shit. I went to grab her, and she ran."
Negan's fingers drum against her arm, the feeling rattles her bones. He looks down at her then back to the man standing in front of them.
"Well now what's the rule with her fuckhead?" He sneers now, fingers tightening his hold on her.
"Well, well not to touch her but... but."
"Then why did you fucking touch her?" Negan's shout thunders around her. But that rage he summoned all for her is comforting. It's warm and real, and she leans into him.
Pandora kept her head down, eyes locked to the floor. There is silence though and for a second she thinks they are waiting for her to speak her eyes snap up to them. The men only glare at her from their lowered heads.
"I, I, I." The man can't answer he only bows his head lower.
"Get the fuck out of my sight."
The men rush away then footsteps getting softer.
"Come on now Princess, let's go to the doctor."
The light in medical are too bright. When she's laying there on her back the lights shine too bright in her eyes. She screws her eyes shut more aware now if the doctors hands on her. She doesn't quite remember getting here. No, she remembers the hallway, remembers Negan shouting at the men who tried to touch her, then just here.
"This will numb the area." The doctors voice snaps her back to the present moment. Pandora gets the feeling he isn't talking to her though, maybe this is a show for Negan.
The spray is cold making her go stiff for a second, a tingling spreads then she feels nothing. She panics turning her head until she is watching him removing the stitches. He cuts and tugs out the little bits of string.
"It will scar." The doctor mutters stripping off his gloves. He looks up at Negan then after his eyes do one more sweep of her. Pandora lays there still, hands flexing into fists. She knows how to be good, this is a chance to show him.
"She's too skinny." He mutters eyes skimming over her. Then he is turning away from her, she doesn't turn her head but hears him shifting around somewhere behind her.
when he is in her field of vision again, there is a blue and white cardboard box in his hands. She can't quite make out what it says.
"Protein shakes drink one every day." He tells her, but he tells Negan too. One of his man step forward and take the shakes in his arms. The Doctor add two bottles of pills, one for everyday, one for when it gets rough. The man takes those too, then disappears toward her room.
"Come on Pandora." Negan reaches for her. Helps her up from the bed. He doesn't stop touching her, always a hand somewhere an arm over her. She used to it now, almost feels different when he isn't touching her.
Negan's rests on the small of back, leading her down the hall. A door opened, and she is meet with steps going up, and up and up and up and up. She losses count of how many times stairs they take then the air changes cool and crisp on her skin.
Pandora stops sucking in a cold breath of fresh air, it's so perfect its overwhelming tears prickle her vision. She doesn't dare look up, keeps her eyes down on the ground. The last time he brought her outside it was to watch his men beat Daryl. She wouldn't make she same mistakes twice. Her heart hammers against her rib cage threatening to burst out onto the floor.
"Come're sit down." Negan's voice in in her ear, his hands are on her guiding her body her move with him. Before she knows it he is lowering her, and she's being got by the feeling of softness. "Sit here with Tanya Princess. Tanya keep her with you. I'll come back later."
Pandora feels the surface shift beside her, she looks up just in time to watch Negan leave. Beside her is a young woman in a black dress, black hair pulled back away from her face. The women doesn't speak to her, so Pandora looks away.
She takes a moment to see where Negan left her. They are on the roof, above her head is a network for glass panels. They don't stop at the roof but continue down to make up the walls. It's a huge greenhouse. Behind her there is a mini garden, planters lined up on the walls. Someone is working back there she can't see them but hears the rustle of clothes as they move.
She sits with the other women on plush sofas. This area made to look like a backyard patio. With chairs small tables, a few bookshelves. It's nice. Pandora doesn't mind sitting here away from the noise of the world. It's warmer here to sun streaming in through the tall high windows.
"I'm Tanya." The woman announces turning her head in Pandora's direction, covering her eyes from the rays of the sun.
Pandora doesn't hide her face she titles it upward letting her skin soak it up while she can. There is a few seconds of silence that pass between them before she can answer.
"Pandora."
"You from the new place right? You came with that guy."
"Came?" Pandora didn't understand why she used that word came, she didn't come here not by choice. The word roles off the girls tongue and Pandora can see the curiosity sparking in her eyes. "They took me."
Tanya sits up hand lowered from her eyes with a careful control. She is staring at Pandora form under her bangs, she can feel the heat of her eyes.
"No. That's not how it happens you choose to be here. Negan doesn't want anyone here who doesn't want to be here."
"I didn't choose anything, he took me, me and my…." she can't finish the sentence because boyfriend is not the word she thinks fits. It's too plain to simple to explain that he is her entire world. So she says nothing just lets the end of the sentence hang there between them.
"It's too hot let's go." Tanya stands not daring to meet her eyes but heads for the door it take them back inside. Her hands smooth down the sides of her dress as she saunters to the door.
Pandora pictures herself screaming at Tanya to fuck off. Refusing to leave this sun lit mini paradise. She doesn't though, no instead she stands and follows the shorter women back inside. Because she's trying to be good, because good girls stay out of the box.
This time Pandora watches makes notes of where they turn, which doors they open, who is where. She almost doesn't blink as she tries to commit everything to memory. Just in case, she tells herself, it just in case. They go to the floor with her room but walk down the hallway more.
They walk past her door down the hallway. There is a door with a man standing in front of it. He opened it for them and when they step through, there are only more doors. These doors are different though they are sleek painted wood. To her right there is a set of double doors open the hallway, Tanya turns to enter.
The room she enters is the picture of luxury. Pandora knows this room must belong to Negan's wives, no one else here lived like this. Plush sofas and high backs chairs fill the room.
Thick curtains cover the walls, chandeliers hang from the ceiling all the little light bulbs shaped to look like candle flames. They have the biggest windows here she had seen so far, they paint the glass over and dirty but it still offers more light than anywhere Pandora has seen anywhere else. They are half covered though it thick coloured drapes.
Her eyes drift around again trying to take in everything. She doesn't understand this room, this luxury is out of place here at the end of the world.
"What is she doing here?" Pandora turned to find the source of the voice.
On one of the sofa's Sherry sits beside a crying blond girl. The other girl looks young early 20's. The younger girl is half curled into herself, tears streaming down her face. They aren't speaking, not that the tiny blond girl could talk with how hard she was crying.
"Negan's making me babysit his new pet." Tanya speaks from the bar two glasses in front of her and vodka in her hand.
"Her names Pandora." Sherry looks to Pandora.
A tremble makes it home in her bones now, she isn't sure about these women, his wives. What do they think of her? Do they think like Tanya wonder why she chose to be here. Why are they here?
"Here Pan-dor-a." Tanya draws her name out putting emphasis on each syllable.
Pandora moves to the bar taking the glass in her hands. It's good to have something to hold on to something to stop the shaking.
In two gulps it was gone, a fire burning in her belly and a lightness in her limbs. Some tension uncoils in her gut, burned away by the fire.
There was a noise behind her then the shifting of feet. Pandora turns her head to find the source of the sound. Negan stands in the doorway with someone beside him. It takes a second for her register their new guest, but when she blinks Carls face comes into focus and the pain in her chest is shattering.
Pandora's shoulders hunch her body trying to curl into itself. What is he doing here, he should be home safe behind the walls. Carl shouldn't be here, it's not safe for him here. Carl doesn know the rules.
"Ladies! Don't mind the kid." Negan laughs then turns to Carl muttering something.
She watches horrified as Negan whispers something to Carl, she can't make it out. Tanya comes back walking in front of her, there is sound of clinking glass then she looked down.
"Looks like you going to need this."
The drink Tanya pour in her cup is more pink than red this time and smells more like vodka than cranberries. It doesn't stop Pandora though she downs the drink in two sips again.
Tanya chuckles a low small thing removing the now empty glass form her hand leaving again. "Atta girl." The other women muttered under her breath as she leaves.
There is still a pit in her chest, a wide gaping hole of fear. Her eyes shoot up to Carl, he's watching her. Her mouth opens, then closes, no sounds comes out she gasps like a fish out of water.
"Can I talk to you for a minute, dear wife?"
Pandora isn't sure which of the women in the room he is talking too until she hears shuffling to her right. Sherry who is still beside the crying woman gets up and heads for Negan.
Her head is spinning now, too much drinking not enough food in her stomach.
"Pandora?"
Her head snap up meeting Carl's gaze. There is something in his face, he wants to say more she can tell. She has a million questions bumping and flying in her brain, too fast to pin down. It doesn't matter though there isn't enough time, and that not something she should do. No she doesn't speak to him, she remembers that from before, from Alexandra when no one could speak to her.
So instead she lowers her eyes ignores the pain that flashes across his face as she does so. It's the right thing, she doesn't want to go back in the box, talking to Carl might put her back in the box.
"Pandora?" Carl calls her again, his voice more pained than the first time.
"Give it up kid, she's not gonna talk unless she gets permission."
There is a silence around her now, save for only the hushed conversation at the bar. Pandora doesn't dare look up again, can't bring herself to face Carl. This new Pandora isn't the one she wants him to see not now.
There are heavy foot falls coming towards her now, she goes stiff. Negan stops in front of her, filling her field of vision with his lower half.
"Well now Princess enjoying your time with the girls?" He kneels down in front of her fingers feather light on her chin. That's how he gets her to look up, it's how he always gets her to look.
"It's nice, thank you for letting me come here."
Negan laughs loud and boisterous letting his hand fall from her face. "That is a damn fine answer Princess. You can talk to the kid of you want."
Negan turns away from her then she looks up watching him head for the crying girl. She doesn't care about their conversation instead she turns to Carl who stands now with a beer in hand. The sight of him bring tears to her eyes until he is a figure swimming in water.
He moves to her taking the seat on the sofa, he leaves a space between them. Pandora isn't having it through, the vodka numbs everything and she needs to feel something. So she reached out fingers a vice like grip on him. Carl only looks down at their intertwined fingers not speaking.
"I'm ok." She whispers.
"You not ok Pandora." Carl's voice is tight, laced with rage. "He's keeping you here, like your some kind of pet."
Pandora blinks back her tears, he doesn't understand he can't he hasn't been here.
"It's fine, I promise." She can explain everything to him there isn't enough time to make him see.
"Pandora... I…"
"Stop, please." She pulls her hand away from his, but Carl doesn't let her. He only holds her tighter, and that has the resolve crumbling away. Pandora leans into him resting her head on his shoulder. Alcohol makes her anxiety melt away, shifts her perspective on the world.
There is more movement a head of her near the middle of the room, maybe. But she doesn look up keeps her eyes down on her and Carl's intertwined fingers.
"Carl will you get that tray for me?"
Pandora's eyes snapped up, Daryl and Dwight stood in the open doorway. her heart stops when she sees him standing there a tray of food in his hands. Her frame jerks for a second trying to get closer to him. But she has enough sense to hold herself still against the urge.
Carl steps up to take the tray she watches him take it to the tray and put in on the table in front of her. She reached out taking something, a bit of cheese to roll in her fingers. He takes his spot back beside her, letting her lean on him again.
"Why do you got them here?" Daryl is asking Negan she is sure, but when she looks up, she finds him staring at her. She pales under his gaze shifting her eyes away.
"Whoa! What we talk about when you're not here is none of your business." Negan leans back glancing at Sherry for a second. "Do not make me put this tooth book into the only eye he has." Negan flicks to toothpick away leaning back. "You go with Dwight, he'll get you a mop. Dwighty boy fire up that furnace. I'll be down in a few. Time for a little deja view. Come on, kid."
Carl detaches himself from her leaving her saging into the space he left. She looks up catching them leaving the room. Daryl shift his gaze from them to her sitting almost curled into herself. They stare at each other for a few long seconds, she feels herself leaning into him. Before she gets too close Dwight is behind him pulling him away by the back of his shirt.
She lunges for him as Dwight turns him to head out of the room. Someone is behind her though a hand gripping her shirt, pulling her back to standing up right.
"Control yourself." Tanya whispered her voice tight with anger. "You will make the rest of us look bad."
Pandora doesn't understand but she can move, and it's too late. The doorway is empty now. Tanya lets her go leaving Pandora standing in the middle of the room holding her chest. The woman go back to ignoring her. Her head swims, and thoughts don't seem to make sense. She wants to be away from here, away from these women with their little black dresses. She sees herself so easily here, and it frightening. How she breaks and bends.
Spinning on her heels she heads for the open doorway, at the end of the hallway there is the steel door she came in from. The distance is closed in a few short steps, but she just stands there for a second staring. Her left hand lays flat of the cold steel for a second until curling into a fist and knocking.
The door is yanked up before she can even catch her breath.
A bald man is looking at her eyes narrowed. "What?"
"I want to go back to my room."
The bald man rolls his eyes they have done this dance before the two of them. This time he doesn't hesitate only opens the door and stands back for her to step outside.
"Let's go then."
The walk to her room is short and spent all in silence, even when they get to her door they don't speak only nod at each other before she steps inside.