The next thing Pandora remembers is waking up. The sun is high and bright in her room cutting through the darkness behind her eyes. Light makes her see shadows and colours behind her eyes; she lays there eyes still closed letting the changing colours shift and move. It time to wake up, and even if everything screams at her to stay in bed, she still pulls herself up. She doesn't remember getting in bed, remembers nothing after stepping into her room. But things happened after that. Her clothes are different, hair a thick mess from being damp, she isn't hungry either.
She doesn't remember getting here or any of the steps before she got here, to the bed. She remembers leaving the room of all of Negan's wives then nothing being here in her bed. It didn't matter she thought pulling herself up into a sitting position. When the world doesn't move her shift around her, she stretches her arms above her head.
Pandora heads for the bathroom first, spends a few quiet moments staring at her own reflection. There is a mirror here again, a long panel of glass stretching over the sink. Her face does not reflect the same torture as before, deep worry lines fading away. Every day it's easier, every time she wakes up it's easy to remember how to act what to say, what to do. It shows somehow in her face, the acceptance. She thinks she should be in a full panic at this point rebelling against the ease to which she is accepting her new role. It doesn't though, this is not a bad place, no one has tried to touch her, she is feed taken care of, and for the most part left alone. It could be worse, she has been in worse.
Pandora tries to wrestle a brush through her hair, but it dried thick overnight. A large curled halo around her face. It is a losing battle and instead of fight her hair she binds it snug in a braid that falls down her back. At the sink she fills her hands with lukewarm water and lets it run over her face in ribbons. There is a hand towel folded at her right using it to dry her face before leaving the bathroom.
She dresses in jeans and a light pink sweater; she layered her clothes, sports bra, tank top, and the sweater. Pandora will thank him for the new clothes she decides, it is a nice thing he did. He didn't have to, she would have worn whatever was in there having no other choice. But Negan is nice to her when she's good.
At the kitchen table she tugs her feet into the black lace up boots she has been given when a knock sounds on the door. There is a moment of panic but she knows, he isn't here. Negan doesn't knock, and she's more panicked knowing it isn't him.
"Um come in." She calls out leaning on the countertop to her left..
For a second there is nothing, and when the door finally opens Sherry is standing in the hallway arms full. One arm hold two bags, the other hand is balancing in what look like a casserole dish. For a while Sherry doesn't speak only unloads the bags putting everything away. The casserole dish sits on the off white counter of her tiny kitchen. Steam curls from the top, the smell of egg and cooked veggies filling the space of her room.
There is something different in the way she is carrying herself today, or maybe something is different in the way Pandora is looking at her. She knows now, knows why all these women choose this life. She didn't choose her in the same way they did, but she made a choice. A choice to do what she is told, to fit herself into the mild Negan made for her. All the reason's are different, she does it to stay sane to wait for an after, to keep Daryl safe, to keep her friends safe. Sherry's reasons are different and it doesn't matter what happened before, this is who they are now.
"I'm sorry for what I said." Pandora mutters moving to a high-back chair near the window. She tucks her legs under herself arms hugging her sides. "I didn't understand, I do now."
Sherry is frozen in the kitchen, one hand a white knuckled grip on the fridge handle.
"We both have people we do it for." The other women finally mutters closing the fridge door. She moves around the tiny kitchen more though, taking out two plates a serving of the casserole. She appears beside Pandora handing her a plate and sinking into the empty chair.
Pandora takes a bite the moment Sherry put\s it in her hands. It's warm still, a wonderful egg casserole on a bed of potatoes. They eat in silence for a while until Sherry sets her plate down on her lap.
"It never really gets easier." Sherry whispers from the kitchen her back still turned to Pandora.
"Never?" Pandora asks tilting her head towards the other woman, her fingers curl around the fork.
Sherry meets her gaze eyes swimming in the film of tears. The fork spills from her fingers catering onto the plate. Sherry must be wrong, it's already feeling easier for her. Easier to forget to do what she is told, to live in the now where Negan keeps her safe.
"Get someone to bring you lunch later if you don't want to make anything."
Pandora blinks Sherry is already standing in her kitchen, washing their plates. It makes her stop and look down at her own hands, her plate is gone. No, where did that time just go. She blinks trying to pull herself out of her own head. She wants to ask if the other women is sure about it not getting easier that can't be right. What if wrong with her if she finds it easy.
"Wait, Sherry... I,"
Sherry is already gone, steel door slamming shut behind her. Pandora can't help but think maybe she doesn't want to be alone. She is left wondering if Negan's wives always stay in that room during the day. Shaking her head, she turns her head back to the window. She stays there in the high-backed chair, curling her legs into her chest.
She thinks about Daryl now, finds him floating in her head somehow. Remembering his face when he saw her sitting among Negan's wives. There was a flash of something in his eyes, an emotion she hadn't quite seen before. She can't quite make it out though. He should be nothing but proud of her, she is doing just what he asked her to living. She isn't sure he understood the cost of what he had asked.
Outside the sky darkens, and a grumbling starts in her stomach. She can't remember the last time she ate, but she was sure it was brighter outside when she did. Peeling herself out of the chair she heads for the door, knocking on it. She doesn't even bother to go to the kitchen, already deciding she doesn't want to cook.
It takes a second but someone opens it, the bald man from both times before. She needs to learn his name she thinks when she looks at him, she had seen him almost every time she opened the door.
"Can I get something to eat?" Pandora asks her voice coming in a quick stream. "And some wine please."
The bald man just shakes his head in a way of answer shutting the door on her. He will get it she knows he will. He has already been on the other end of Negan's rage. There isn't a knock when the door opens this time, it just opens and the man enters again carrying her plate with a bottle of red wine in the other hand.
"Here you go Princess." He leaves then she hears the lock click back into place when the door is shut.
The food is good, stewed meat on rice with some fresh tomato on the side. She eats it all leaves the plate in the sink before she opens the wine. It's not a cork, just a twist off. She twisted it pouring some into a mug she found in the cabinet. There are no wine glasses that must have been something they decided was not important.
Pandora takes a bottle and mug in one hand, pulling a blanket off the bed as she walks past it. She heads for the high-backed chair her new favorite spot. The blanket goes over her legs as she curls them under her. This chair reminds her of home the most. Before she knows it, she's on her third glass and the door is opening behind her.
"Well, Well, when Dave said he brought you wine I wasn't sure he was serious." The light from the open door eliminates Negan's frame for a second before he closes it, plunging the room back into darkness.
Pandora rolls her head to the side glancing at him from the corner of her eye. "Come try it, it's good." The words roll off her tongue with an ease usually saved for Daryl, but she isn't shocked. Negan gives a dark chuckle from behind her then goes silent moving with catlike grace to the other chair at her side.
"You gonna share that Princess?" He asks holding a mug out towards her. Pandora reached for the bottle filling the mug more than half way.
With her own mug now refilled she peers at him over the rim, "Thank you for the clothes. It's all much better."
Negan takes a sip and nods turning away from her. His eyes trace the movement of the lights under her window.
"This room faces the front, one of my favorite views. Watching the machine work." He takes another sip lashings into silence.
"Thank you for letting me stay here."
"Your earned it by being good."
Pandora only takes another drink before returning her chin to rest on her knees.
"Dave's your new guy. He gets it."
Pandora nods she thought that would be the case. Knew there was a reason she had seen him since much today.
"Knows not to touch the crazy girl next time?"
Negan chuckles, "There she is." Negan shaking his head and smiles at her. He really looks at her in those moments, she feels it.
"There who is?" She asked unable to help herself. Her voice had made itself known, and it doesn't seem to be stepping away again soon.
"Pandora." Negan says taking another sip. "The girl behind all the other stuff."
Pandora rolls her eyes glancing away from him. "You scare me, can't be me when I'm scared."
"You're not scared now." He comments leaning towards her reaching for the bottle. He fills his mug then leans in a breath away from her and refills her mug as well.
"It's getting easier," Pandora whispered.
Negan only nods falling back in the comfortable silence. The sky outside has gotten darker, star brighten the expanse of darkness. The silence last for some time, then Negan is clearing his throat.
"I took the kid home." Negan says after a while. "I did a good fucking thing, and those motherfuckers tried to shoot me."
Pandora goes stiff, hands curling tightly around the mug still her hands. She wonders if she will be punished for their actions. She has learned his moods change like the tides, so she waits for the other shoe to drop.
"One of them made a bullet. Can you fucking believe that, they made a bullet for me. I was pissed let me tell you Princess. But impressed that some fucking go getters you used to live with." He pauses rubbing his chin. With her eyes locked to him she notices for the first time he's shaved.
"I brought someone back here the one who made the bullet." He looks up at her then. "I bet you know him Princess got a fucking mullet."
"Eugene." Pandora answers right away. Better to be fast better to do everything he is asking of her, better to be good.
"That's right Princess. Eugene." Negan grins rubbing his chin. He leans towards her one has one hand resting on her knee now. "How would you like a visit with him tomorrow?"
Pandora looks up at him and tried to pull her face into a smile, the nod she gives is small he sees it. His eyes blaze for a second, her cheeks color from heat.
"God damn Princess you are beautiful." That makes her heart stop in her chest, a cold chill down her spine. "Thanks for the chat," He reaches out taking her mug from her hand and adding it to the sink with his own. "Can't wait to get to know you more."
Pandora falls asleep in the big chair. The wine does something to her dreams. Everything is lighter, she doesn't dream about the line up. She dreams about the campsite about building the fence higher with her sister and mother. She's laughing and she can't remember the last time she did that.
When she wakes stiff still curled into a ball in the chair. She stretches her arms above her head, hearing the joints pop. She wakes up slow takes her time with her new routine. But she cleans today, makes the bed, wipes down the counters, it feels normal.
She spends the day in the room with no visitors, a few times she gets up and goes to the door. She asks for different things, to go to the roof, to go see Negan or his wives. Every time she asks it's a no, and the door is closed in her face.
When the sky darkens outside, she moves to the kitchen to make something to eat. She had to eat that was one rule. She cooks the Mac and cheese she finds in the cupboard. It's nice to do something like this, something human. She eats everything cleans the dishes and puts everything away before she leaves. She goes to the high-backed chair again watching the movement down below.
This time she takes a book off the shelf with her, Brain on Fire. The front cover is bright, and it had caught her eye when she walked by. She doesn't open it though, instead her eye is drawn to the activity down below. It looks like chaos different from anything she had ever seen before. Men move about shouting, black boxes held tight between near white fingers. Pandora leans forward she watches for a while until her chin dips to her chest and she falls asleep.
The next morning she wakes to the sound of plates and movement in her tiny kitchen. Opening her eyes she sits in silence for a long second. Trying not to make noise she turns her head to look behind her.
Negan stands with his back to her putting food on two plates. He looks huge in her kitchen, hulking frame bent over her tiny strip of counter. She finds it so insane it's funny, and a laugh bubbles up in her chest and gets past her lips. Shoulders jerking her turns seeing her watching him from the chair, a small tugs the corner of his mouth. When he's done, he walks towards her setting a plate in her lap lowering himself into the chair to her right.
"That's a beautiful fucking sound." Negan remarks staring at her so hard she feels the colour rise in her cheeks.
Her eyes snap away from his than turning rather to the plate off food on her lap. Scrambled eggs, with bits of peppers, and onions. There is a tiny bowl on the side of the plate, it's filled with pure white whipped cream. It's surrounded by strawberries and raspberries.
"They wouldn't let me leave yesterday, not even to see you." She tells him this through bite fulls of food. She eats the eggs first wanting to save the fruit and whipped cream for last.
Negan is silent for a moment, "I had an interesting day yesterday Princess. Got up and someone had taken some of my shit. I was short a prisoner and a wife."
Pandora instantly wishes she could take the remark go back to the silence between them. But it's too late her heart hammers painfully in her chest. The creams drips off the raspberry she is holding between her fingers.
"Any idea how Daryl got out?"
His words are a punch to her gut, air flowing out of her in a pained gasp. Daryl had gone, he left her here with Negan. She wants to cry feels is welling up inside her, but she refuses to let the tears come. Instead she digs her nails into the flesh of her arm, the pain is a lightning bolt of clarity.
"I don't know." She whispers keeping her eyes down on her hands. There is silence again and the tears roll down her cheeks. The plate justs sits in her lap now untouched. Hand shaking she puts the plate on the small table between the chairs.
"He left you the first chance he got." Negan's voice has something she can't recognize in a touch of a smug undertone. "Bet that blows to shit."
She doesn't answer only tightened her grip on her arm, sure that soon her nails will draw blood. She needs that, the pitch and sting of cut skin Daryl left. He didn't even try to take her with him. She thinks back to what she was doing when we got away. Holed up in her room reading a book watching the world out the window. And Daryl had been running putting miles and miles between them.
"I'll leave you to it Princess." Negan stands then looking down at her. His eyes are slightly glassy and she can see her own reflection in them, a small crumpled thing. "Before I go, who are you?"
"I'm Negan." She whispers through her tears.
"Yes you are, see nothing's changed."
Pandora doesn't hear him leave instead she curls into a ball in the chair and sobs. Daryl was gone. First opportunity he had, he ran and didn't look back. Pandora is left behind, left alive again. The pain in her chest is almost unbearable. It has her seeking to lessen it, running her nails up and down her arms leaving red lines in their wake.
She spends the rest of the day in bed. Alternating between sleeping and crying. Sleeping isn't peaceful tonight her dreams are filled with Daryl leaving her. Leaving her in every way she fears, leaving her with Negan, leaving her in a hoard of all her dead loved ones.