Shattered Chapter 42: Friends now, a walking dead fanfic

Chapter 42

Through the night there are no dreams only the total blackness of sleep. She loves this type of sleep, a sweeping blackness where nightmares cannot reach her. Pandora wakes up with the muddled sunlight struggling to cut through the curtains. Her head pounds, huge and heavy on the pillow. Shifting the heavy blankets Pandora hides from the sun. No, she couldn't wake up now. Didn't want too, everything was too loud even her own breathing. The sheets against her skin sounds like paper in ears.

Curling deeper under the blankets the events of last night play behind her eyes lids. She had too much to drink last night, taken a little white pill, gotten too comfortable with Negan. She remembers following him into the little living room curling into him and listened the other man talk. His body had radiated heat, reminded her of Daryl that way. In that moment it had been enough for her. It doesn't matter; she tries to tell herself it doesn't. Part of her believes it it doesn't matter here. She's alive, and that is all the matters.

She was wondering what Daryl would think if he saw her now. Would he be proud that she had chosen something other than death? Isn't this death though, she thinks to herself? A tiny collection of mini deaths of herself.

The sound of someone breathing finds her under the thick blankets. This isn't her room, Negan must be in the next room. He could have gone somewhere else, he has six wives. She guessed they all had rooms as nice as this too why else would anyone agree to marry him? It was for the things he would give you; he gave her freedom from the box.

She doesn't get up though, no right away. Only curls herself tighter under the covers. He will come in here soon, he will wake up and come to get her. Might as well enjoy these last few fleeting moments of peace. They used to do this at home, her and Daryl. Stay hiding in bed until someone came to find them. Those were the best days, the ones that started and ended lazy. It isn't the same with Negan, only sometimes does it get close.

"Bring us something to eat, and some fucking coffee."

The snaps her out of her morning daydreaming, the harsh tone of Negan voice. Pandora sits up, it's a slow movement and the world spins in her eyes. Her mouth is thick and dry, like her mouth had been packed with cotton in the night. There is a bottle of water and little white pills on her bed-side table she doesn't remember putting there. Negan must have left it for her, in her head she tries to picture him coming in her at night. She doesn't remember hearing him, doesn't even remember waking up.

In the next room there are heavy footsteps moving around the space. Then there is another door opening and closing. The room fills now with the smell of cooked food. Her stomach grumbles at the smell and she is awake more.

"Here you go Negan. I'll wait outside when you ready."

In the seconds left behind the man speaking she hears footsteps again, this time they are moving towards her. Pandora drowns the white pills with the water, it helps with the dryness in her mouth. She knows he is coming for her next. The second the cup hits the small bedside table Negan is standing in the room.

"Morning Princess, got you something to eat." Negan leans on the door frame, arms crossed over his chest. He's wearing a white t-shirt this morning, it's tight fabric straining against his muscles. She is getting more used to seeing him so relaxed around her. "I got you some shoes there too."

He turns and leaves than and Pandora blinks eyelids still struggling to stay open. Her head still pounds like a marching band is performing inside her skull. Her eyes move to the floor seeing the little black running shoes beside the bed. That's not all he put in there though. Folded neat at the edge of the bed there is a pair of light wash jeans, a sports bar, a black tank top and a deep blue sweater.

In the night he had brought her clothes too. Laid them out crispy and clean for her to find. When she stands the floor is solid under her. She tests her limbs, an arm over her head, fingers straining down to her toes, knee drawn up to her chest. Her muscles get loose and warm, and she is almost sure she could do some of her old routine again.

In the sitting room she finds Negan waiting. He's relaxed it surprises her after the events of last night. She expected him to be rage and curses after finding out someone broke in to kill him. But there he is leaning back in a kitchen chair, a steaming mug of coffee in this hand. In his free hand he holds a magazine, eyes scanning the words.

She clears her throat when she enters he looks up. They stare for a moment at each other, Negan's eyes wonder from her face down to her feet. Taking her in gaze slow deliberate, he licks his lips sipping from a mug in his hand. Pandora shifts her weight from one foot to the other, the rusle of her clothes is enough to break the silence.

"Good Morning," Pandora returns his gaze with the same intensity wondering what she will see. What she sees when she looks hard she sees a man who is tired, This war is dragging him down, it is taking everything he has to hold this place together. She slips into the chair opposite him at the table.

"Mornin' Princess." His voice has a drawl to it. She heard it a few times before and every time her stomach twists. "Got you some perfect hangover food." He hands her a plate. It's heaped with food, potatoes, peppers, onion mixed with sausage and a fried egg on top.

Her stomach is awake in a flash, rumbling and eating itself. She digs into the food, they both eat like that in silence. It's good, and she has to say not cooking is nice. Whenever she needs something she gets it, they do whatever she wants. It's easy here, no one looks at her here to be anything. She isn't expected to be anything, she is just here.

The smell of the coffee brings her attention back to him. Her mouth waters at the idea of the rich dark liquid. How long had it been since she had anything like that? They only had tea at home and not matter how strong you made it, it wasn't the same.

"Can I have coffee?" She asks between fork fulls of food. Negan smiles at her reaching to his left and producing a thrums from the side table.

"There is some just for you. We even have cream."

He pours her a mug and drops a little splash of cream from a cup on the table. The aroma of the coffee has her inhaling deeply. In a second she is back in her kitchen at home, her mug in hand news station playing in the background some history text in her hand. It's so normal it hurts.

"How's your head this morning?" Negan's voice brings her back. How does he even do that, know the moment she needs to be pulled back?

"It hurts. You shouldn't have let me drink so much." That was the second time since the world went to shit she drank, and before the world was shit only a handful of time. Pandora was too busy to drink, either with training or school. Drinking didn't fit her image.

Negan laughs sipping from his own mug, "Ya maybe, but it seems like we're friends now. Guess the wine helped."

Pandora sighs sipping her coffee again. Friends is not the word she would use to describe them, but it is something. It's different now she thinks, she feels different with him. Negan somehow knows her, she doesn't know how. But he picks up on things Daryl only seemed to ever know, he knows when she needs to be pulled back or what she needs in a moment.

"I have a busy day today Princess. Busy, busy day." Negan sighs rubbing his hands over his eyes. "Your people are becoming a pain in my ass. They are not as good as you are."

"Someone from-" There isn't enough air in the lungs then and the falters unable to speak, then she inhales the coffee again. Before she thinks she can speak the words are already out. "Is it someone from Alexandria?"

"You got that right, huge set of lady balls on her this one." Negan stands than finishing the mug and offering a hand to her. Pandora takes it because she just knows how things work now. His grip is warm and firm, he pulls her up until she is standing, a mug still clutched in her free hand.

"I'll have your man Dave take you back to your room ok?"

Dave takes her back to her room but refuses to let her go anywhere else. She asks for Tanya, to go the to roof. Nothing. More and more she feels like a prisoner here.

The afternoon finds her waking up from a nap in her own bed. She had been reading in silence and slipped away. She isn't under the sheets, just curled into a small ball over her comforter. Stretching cat like arms above her head, joints popping. Taking a few deeps breaths before stretching her legs out.

She wonders who had come for him in the night. Thinks it might be Rosita all fire and rage like she had been that day back in Alexandria. She thinks she would be the one to come in here in the night guns blazing. Maybe she tried to come for her, tried to find out where Negan was keeping her. It's a sweet thought that someone might come looking for her. A mission to find the Princess in her ivory tower.

There is a sound behind her, the handle of the door moving. Its Negan she knows. He never knocks, always comes and goes whenever he pleases. It doesn't bother as much as maybe it should. He gave her this room, he can come in when he wants.

Pandora remembers the comments this morning about how busy his day will be. She wonders what he is doing here than. Why come and see her. So she up straightens her clothes and comes to stand beside her chair. Negan steps into the room shutting the door behind him he sets two plates down on the kitchen counter.

"Brought you lunch Princess we need to have a chat." Negan sits down at the kitchen table and eats from his plate. It's an egg sandwich with a few pickles on the side.

Pandora goes to the kitchen table, she doesn't speak just goes right to eating. Her stomach is knotted, dread sitting like a stone in the bottom of it. Negan reaches in his pocket pulls out a little yellow bottle of pills. Her eyes go right to the bottle trying to see what's inside. It looks like three pills. She knows they must be going somewhere last time he drugged her he took her Alexandria paraded her around like the good pet she was.

"Take one of these in the morning and bring the bottle with you." Negan pushes it towards her. She looks up at him holding the sandwich in her hands lightly. He's watching her openly. Does he think she's going to refuse? That would be stupid and she knows better.

She says nothing only goes back to eating. When she's finished, she brushes her hands on her pants clearing the crumbs and giving herself a few moments to collect her thoughts.

"Where are we going?" Pandora finally asks him, it's easy for her to talk to him still. That makes her worry just for a second because she isn't drunk and hasn't had any meds and still she finds talking to him easy.

"We gotta set some shit right." Negan says brushing his fingers off on his jeans. He wipes his mouth too, cleans the bread growing back on his chin. "We are taking your friend Sacha home going to have to teach a few more lessons."

She sits stiff in the chair, wood digging into her back. Negan watches her from across the table. Her fingers tightened in fists nail biting into the skin. It makes everything more clear, and she tries not to think about what teaching lesson might mean.

She thinks about Sacha than. She back in the line up bits of Abraham on her face. There is a tightening of her muscles she tries to keep calm.

"They did a number on you didn't they Princess."

She knows what he is talking about, he's talking about the shaking mess she is right now. How she spends much of her time crying or sleeping, and she when isn't doing those things she drinking or taking pills. Here she is something different though. Here she is a shell all over her old self gone from inside, and it's easy to be this. To do what she is told. She doesn't really try to be better here, there is no better.

"It comes and goes."

Negan nods slowly. "What did you do before?"

"I had someone to talk too." Pandora whispered thinking about their sessions. Day in and day out Denise wrote in a little book as they talked.

"Maybe I'll find you someone for you." Negan stands then takes the plates from the table and heads for the door. "Let's see how well you do tomorrow huh Princess." He leaves then, taking everything with him and shutting the door on his way out.

In the room she passes back and forth Her mind runs away with her thoughts. She pictures them rolling into Alexandria having everyone watch as they killed more of her family. Blood all over pavement, the sound of Maggie sobbing for her husband. Daryl screaming for Negan not to touch her.

No, no she would be safe though. Negan wouldn't hurt her not unless she gave him a reason too. She wouldn't do that she wouldn't do anything he didn't want her to do. Pandora should tell him that, she should make sure he knows she will be good when they leave. She would take the white pill and do just what he tells her. Maybe she can help Negan maybe she can show everyone how easy it is.

Pandora goes for the door out of the room knocking three times in rapid succession. When the door opens Dave is standing there, face blank.

"I need Negan." She whispers. Dave only shakes his head than shuts the door.

Her hand presses to the cold steel of the door, she waits but nothing happens. The door doesn't open again. Dave isn't going to let her leave. So instead she turns for her bed strips off the clothes he gave her that morning and opens a book. There is a chill in the air but the heavy blankets help her feel warmer.

It doesn't take long for her to slip away into darkness. But rest does not come easy to her. Her dreams are tormented, filled with wolves and Negan. An endless expanse of burnt and blackened wood. She doesn't wake though tosses and turns in her sleep.

She wakes screaming hands around her own throat, clawing at her self. The pain of her nails raking her skin breaks her out of the panic. She lowers her hands gripping the blankets at her sides.

Outside the sky isn't even light let, the sky is a light red brightening for the day. Her face is sticky with already drying tears. Rolling over she pulls herself up rubbing the heels of hands.

The shower calls her name she raises heads up to the bathroom shutting the door behind her.

Pandora dresses in jeans, and layers her tops. Once she dressed she heads into the small kitchen. The fridge has been cleaned out and restocked with a few new items. There are some eggs, apples, potatoes, and spinach. She goes into the cupboards though and makes the oatmeal instead. She can't be bothered for anything else.

She won't take a pill yet she thinks. No she will wait, it's too early now. The sun isn't even fully risen when she's done cleaning up after herself. So she sits in the chair pulls out a book and reads.

By the time there is a knock on the door the sun has been up for hours. There is a second than the door opens and Negan steps inside.

"Morning Princess." He doesn't step in the room. Only means on the door frame watching her. "Come one now take that pill."

Standing she's already at the table where the little bottle waits. Popping the bottle open she swallows one dry, she's had practice medicating herself.

By the time they are outside in the courtyard the pills have already kicked in. It's xanax her old favorite. She wonders if Negan knows what this does to people. He must have asked the doctor for the best way to keep her calm. She remembers being at the hilltop almost killing that man for hurting Abraham. She is more wild, it's good no one gives her weapons.

Negan keeps her beside him as they move through the lines of trucks. They are taking so many, she tried to count the men to see how many cars and trucks they are taking with him. Three trucks line the gate opening. The first is a flatbed, blue cab dulled with age. Eugene is standing up there beside him there is something secured under a trap.

In all this time she had forgotten he was here. Negan had said his name a few times, but she had never had the chance to visit with him. Now he stood up there in their truck black jacket and a mega phone in his hand. They look at each other for a few long seconds.

"Come on now Princess that's not our ride. Everyone's been waiting for you."

Behind the blue flatbed truck is a small black arm style truck. Dwight sits in the front seat fingers drumming on the steering wheel. There is another green truck behind them. Men load into the trucks, some others take cars off to the sides and leave before than.

Negan gets into the truck first then offers a hand to help her get in as well. She sits between him and the door of the truck. He's so warm, like Daryl used to be. It makes her relax, loosens the muscles in her back. She blames the drugs too, blames them for the ease she feels here in close quarters.

She sees the walls of Alexandria before she knows it, it's eerie and quiet. Small figures dot the top the walls, they are ready and waiting.

"This better fucking work." Negan mumbles tucking his scarf into the leather jacket. His hand comes up then brushes some of her hair away from her face. "Look alive Princess."

"All points are covered. Every contingency is already met. I come armed with two barrels of the truth. A test is upon you and I am giving out the cheat sheet."

Under her they are rolling to a stop Pandora catches Eugene on the truck bed microphone held to his mouth now. He had been the one talking. He is trying to convince Alexandria to stand down.

She wonders what it would take for that to happen. For Rick to bow his head and get with the program. Maybe nothing. Negan had killed Glenn and Abraham. For a while that had been enough, but something changed. Negan killed more people and Rick wouldn't stand for it.

"Get that door for me will you Princess."

Pandora reaches out fingers finding the handle and pulling. She gets out first hands in tight little fist at her sides, Negan comes to stand beside her. He takes her elbow pulling her forward with him. They stand out in the open just behind Eugene speaking on the cab. He doesn't look back only keeps talking.

"Hello. I come salved with the hope that it was my dropped knowledge. Options are zero to none. Compliance and fealty are your only escape. Bottom lining it. You may thrive or you may die. I sincerely wish for the former. For everyone's sake."

She blinks her gaze drifts to Negan. He's watching Rick from where they hide behind the truck, eyes trained to up above the wall. She follows his gaze as well Rick looks pained, she tries to look for Daryl scanning the other faces around her. She doesn't see him, she see's Carl though gun up and at the ready. His face is all rage and hard lines, it's misplaced on such a young face.

"The jig is up and in full effect. Will you comply, Rick?"

There is a few moments of tense silence. Pandora's gaze is moving again back to Rick. How does he decide who will die in war? Has Sacha already been lumped in with her, the ones who have been deemed unsaveable.

"Where is Negan?"

A heartbeat than she is opening her mouth, "I am Negan." Rick can't hear her, can't even see her from where they stand hidden behind the trucks. Eugene's voice echoes her own. They know the answer. They always know the answer.

The surrounding air is so silent that she can hear the rustling of clothes. A twist and crane of her neck allows Pandora the smallest view of the front gate. She spots Rosita, every muscle in the small frame seems pulled tight. Pandora wants to go to her, to tell her that's it ok. It's easy like this. It is. Just do what Negan says and your safe and so is everyone you love.

Rosita isn't looking at her though she is looking at Rick who nods his head just so.

"Watch this Princess." Negan leans down to whisper in her ear. Rick dips out of sight but nothing happens. "Motherfucker was expecting a loud bang." He laughs swinging Lucie up over his head and throwing his other arm over her shoulder.

Above them the walls explode with movements figures she doesn't know stands up guns pointed on her friends. The gate is opening than and Negan is stepped away from the truck walking towards the opening. There is movement behind her the opening of a truck. She is moving with him, the how or the why gone it is just happening.

Negan strides through the front gate keeping Eugene directly in front of him.. He shifts her lightly so most of her frame was tucked away under his arm. She didn't say anything just moves where he wanted too, following still.

"You ever hear the one about the stupid little prick named Rick who thought he knew shit, but didn't know shit and got everyone he that gave a shit about killed." Negan grins now letting his arm drop away from her shoulder in a swinging motion. "It's about you."

"Ya'll are gonna want to put your guns down now."

"No one drop anything." Rick's growl sounds from all the way up there.

Pandora wonders if Negan will kill her if she will be the example the lesson they need to learn. She isn't sure of the impact it will have, maybe on Daryl. And then by extension everyone else. She would die if it meant someone else gets to live. There is something happening on the top of the wall, a conversation she can't hear.

"You push me, and you push me, and you push me Rick." Negan grins while he speaks.

Pandora turns to Negan who is shaking his head, "You just tired to to blow us up, right?"

Negan turns reaching his hand out for her, she steps up towards him letting put his arm around her waist. There is madness in his eyes, the kind she's seen a few times before.

"I mean, I get me, my people. But Eugene and Pandora? Their your people. After what they did? They stepped up fell into line. You people are animals. The universe gives you a sign and you just." The hand over her shoulders lifts she pictures the gesture he is making. "Shove your finger right up his ass. Dwight Simon chop chop."

Dwight and Simon walk past them jumping on the flatbed of the truck. Under the cover is a bright silver coffin, somewhere under the drugs there is panic. But it never grows never reaches her. Her eyes move to the gate, and then her breath was stuck in her chest. She hadn't seen Daryl before. But there he is one so close she could see the energy coming off him. Daryl stood near the front gate his crossbow lowered to the ground. He catches her eye holding her gaze with him, even under the drugs she feels a tug of her heart.

"So you don't like Pandora or Eugene anymore." Negan's voice draws her attention back to him, he is on the flatbed now standing beside the coffin. "You gotta like Sacha. I do, too. Got her right here packaged for your convenience alive and well. Now I brought her so I wouldn't have to kill all of you."

Pandora wavers on her feet for a second, the sun is too hot. It beats down on her with unrelenting heat. The drugs make everything feel so muddled and she was slipping into the mess of it all.

"You alright there Princess?" Dave's voice finds her, she realized he is right behind her. Blinking she looks back at him, he has his hand on her gun eyes trained to Negan with the occasional glance in her direction.

Pandora doesn't answer, not sure she had the words in her she only nods. Her eyes are drawn back up to Negan.

"And not killing all of you could get complicated. See I know there's a lot of fire power left in there Rick. So I'm gonna make this simple. I want all the guns you managed to scrape up. Yep, I know about those, too. I want every grain of lemonade you have left. I want a person of your own choosing for Lucille."

Pandora shivers closes her eyes for a moment and just stands there. At one time there would have been panic, now she knows better. She doesn't feel it, not panic, not fear, not rage nothing. She hates those little white pills sometimes, hates how easy Negan gives them to her.

"Daryl." Negan says his name and her eyes snap open searching for him right away. "Oh, I gotta get me my Daryl back. I see you, Princess over here is lonely without you. And the pool table and all the pool cues and the chalk. And I want it now or Sasha dies."

Pandora takes a shuddering breath she hasn't stopped looking at Daryl yet, and he hasn't stopped staring at her either. From the edge of the vision she watches his hand tightened into a fist shaking. She wants that same rage but can't find it, she still feels the ache in her chest though at seeing him. That might be something that never goes away, not matter how much of herself she loses he will always be her home.

" And then all of you, Probably." Negan's tone is light. Rick hasn't spoken yet she can't see him but knows he is silent. Her eyes never leave Daryl's. "Come on Rick just because she came in a casket doesn't mean she has to leave in it."

Still there is silence. Something in Pandora snaps, she steps forward hearing Dave move with her. She reaches out for the edge of the flatbed pulling herself onto it and stepping up to Negan's side.

"Rick please don't do this." Her voice is clear and loud. She says Rick's name, but she is looking at Daryl. "It's not supposed to end like this."

Beside her Negan reaches out and arm over shoulder pulling her closer to him. "See that Rick you are upsetting my Princess, not that you care. You try to blow her up and she is still trying to save your sorry ass." Negan signs rubs his forehead and laughing a little. "You know what? You suck ass Rick. You really do. I don't want to have to kill her but that's what you're going to make me do."

"Let me see her." Rick finally speaks. When he does its like her chest is just a bit looser. Pandora can breathe for a moment, everyone is alive

"Oh, ok. Give me a second get her up to speed. You can't hear shit in this thing." Negan turns away from her taping the coffin with Lucille in his hand. "Sash. You not going to believe this crap."

Pandora doesn't more doesn't blink. Daryl licks his lips as he watches her, he steps forward only a fraction before a gun is poking him in the back to keep him still.

The scene around her explodes than into noise and chaos. The moment he opens the coffin he screams. It's not Sasha in there anymore though, it's a dead thing wearing her skin. Pandora doesn't understand for a second why was she in there. He said just now she was alive why would he do that? What happened?

She doesn't really see what's happening, but she hears the exploding gun fire. Because Dave is right beside her pulling her backwards screaming at her to get down. Pandora struggles against him but he's strong hand gripping her shirt. She watches Negan run from the top of the flat bed. Her world is shifting too she's being pulled down from the flat bed.

"Pandora!" Someone is shouting her name, she can't tell who though. Her ears are ringing from all the gunfire around them. Dave pulls her down to her knees forcing her head to the floor.

Around her she can hear shouting and screaming. The air smells like blood, but she isn't afraid. She struggles against Dave tries to move her head and see what's going on. She can hear people shouting and firing.

"Stay down!" Dave growls over her. "Negan! Negan! I have her!"

Suddenly her head is being lifted, Negan's hands are on her chin looking at her.

"Anything hurting Princess?" He asks tilting her head to the side.

"No, no" She whispers. "Sasha you said, you said she alive than, then she wasn't" Panic is boiling water now, there is not enough of the drugs in her system to bring her back down.

"I know Princess. I didn't do that, it's not how I roll."

She's walked inside the gates of Alexandra. Most of the people are down on their knees guns pointed at their heads. She stumbled over her own feet trying to stay up right

There are people she has never seen before as well, silent figures dresses mostly in black.

Dave stands behind her hand on his gun.

"We stay here." He says when he catches her watching Rick being led to where Negan waits with Carl on his knees.

A sick feeling rolls in her stomach. Its mild though. She's floating on a crowd on drugs. It's better this way, Negan is going to kill someone right now, and she is going to watch. Like she has to watch with the Doctor.

Watching Negan stands in front of Carl, Lucille is in his hands. She knows who is next, he is going to kill Carl. It won't work. Killing Carl won't break Rick, she knows that.

Pandora steps away from Dave moving for Negan. Slipping up beside him she touches his arm gently.

"Princess? Have Dave take you back to the truck. I have business with Rick."

Pandora shakes her head leaving her hand on his shoulder. The prolonged touch makes him turn to look down at her.

"It won't work." She whispers. Negan doesn't answer only raises an eyebrow at her so she continues. "Killing Carl won't break him."

"You can do it right in front of me. You can take my hands. I told you already - I'm gonna kill you. All of you.." Rick has tears in his eyes by his voice holds strong. Pandora looks at him her own eyes swimming with tears.
"Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but nothing is gonna change that - nothing. You're all already dead."

Negan shakes his head, flicks his fingers over his shoulder.

"Dave get her the fuck out of here. This is no place for her."

Pandora only sighs letting her hand drop as she turns away.

Dave takes her back to the car they came in. He doesn't go in just puts her in the seat and shuts the door behind her. It only takes her a few moments to get lost in the haze of drugs. Face pressed against the cold window she lets the tears fall down her cheeks. She cries for Sasha wonders if Abraham is happy to see her where he has been waiting. She cries for Carl too thinking he must be dead by now.

The next thing she knows the door is being ripped over and someone is shouting.

"God fucking damn it DRIVE," Negen is next to her now screaming. "Go! GO. Get down Princess come on now."

He reaches for her pushing her down onto his chest. She can still hear the gun fire ringing out around them.

"These fucking assholes! God fucking damn it!" Negan rages above her hands gripping her shoulds, bones grinding together at the pressure. He continues to rage as they drive screaming and shouting, Pandora tries to drown him out.