Treasure Hunt
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any treasure. Rating: K Time: After Season Eight.
Author's Note: This is for Garrae.
Kate smiled when she saw the happy face pancakes her husband had made for her.
"And there's more." Rick said. "There're waffles, bacon, sausage, eggs, hashbrown potatoes, and juice. We have freshly squeezed orange juice, apple juice, pineapple juice, and of course, a skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla. And if there's anything else you'd like, just ask."
"You don't have to go to this much trouble for me, Castle."
"It's no trouble."
"Besides, we know you're upset." Alexis added.
"It's not so much that I'm upset, I'm bored. I had a little over one year as a precinct captain and then I failed my annual physical exam. Suddenly I'm retired, like it or not."
"Kate, you were shot in the heart by a sniper. You were damned lucky to live through that. And then Caleb Brown put three bullets in you. They were right. You needed to be retired medically."
"Castle, all that a precinct captain has to do is sit behind a desk and shuffle papers. And go to One PP for endless meetings."
"That's all that most precinct captains do. That's not the way Captain Kate Beckett operated."
"Okay, maybe that's a valid point, but I'm still bored. I can't just sit here for the rest of my life and become a vegetable. I'm used to using my brain."
"You could go back to law school." Alexis suggested.
"I have thought about that, Alexis. I really have. When I was nineteen, there was nothing I wanted more than to be a lawyer like my parents. But now? The fire is gone. I just don't feel it."
"Maybe we could travel?" Rick said. "We could go to the Canary Islands. It was the last place Chrstopher Columbus saw before he headed out for the New World. There's a legend that there was a Spanish noblewoman there who was sweet on Chris."
"Rick, I love how excited you get over things like that, but I need something…Something…I don't know what I need but it's something to make my brain work."
For most people, having two seven foot tall, wolf-like extraterrestrials, dressed like extras from the Godfather, suddenly appear at your breakfast table, would send the brain into overdrive. For the Castle family, it was just another day at the office, so to speak.
"Hi Buggsy. Hi Muggsy." Rick said to the two.
"How's t'ings?" Buggsy asked.
"Everyt'ing copacetic?" Muggsy enquired.
"Fine. We're having breakfast. If you'd care to…" But the two Vorlags were already headed for the kitchen.
"I had an extra-large refrigerator put in for you guys, and I have Vorlag sized plates." Rick called after them.
The two were soon back at the table, eating breakfast.
"Say, where's your pal, Puggsy?" Alexis asked.
"Puggsy sleeps wid da fishes." Muggsy mumbled around a rasher of bacon.
"What?" Kate said. "Puggsy is dead?"
Both Vorlags stopped eating.
"No, not dat kind 'o sleeps wid da fishes. "Buggsy said. "He pigged out at Gino Vorlagetti's seafood restaurant at Fisherman's Wharf in Ess Eff."
"Puggsy do love dem Dungeness crabs." Muggsy added.
"Enny ways, Gino let him sleep it off in da back wid da fishes. He'll he along soon."
"A Vorlag owns a restaurant in San Francisco?" Rick asked.
"Sure. Da City, as we calls it, has always bin welcoming to folks dat was a bit different, like dem hippies and da Emperor Norton."
"An Emperor?"
"Sure, dad. Joshua Norton was a businessman in Gold Rush San Francisco. He went bankrupt and went a little crazy. He declared himself Norton the First, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico. He ate at the best restaurants, went to the theater and walked around San Francisco making sure his capitol was secure. He was more than just a nut case. They say he once stopped an anti-Chinese riot by standing in front of the mob and reciting the Lord's Prayer. San Francisco loved him."
"An' a fine Emperor he was." Buggsy said.
"So, what brings you to Earth?" Rick asked.
"We needed ta git away from Don Vorleone as he was lookin' at us kinda slantindicular like."
Don Vorleone, sometimes known as the Vorlagfather, was an entrepreneur to the tips of his well-manicured claws. When he discovered that Earth made ice cream was an expensive luxury item in his part of the galaxy, he'd immediately headed for Earth and made an arrangement to buy some Earth gourmet ice cream and distribute it far and wide. However, there were problems for the Dandy Don. Some unscrupulous governments put up all manner of trade barriers to keep their own, very inferior ice cream companies, from going bankrupt. A few even refused to allow Earth ice cream into their star nations at any price. This saddened Don Vorleone. This was not the free-market system as he understood it. After all, he only wanted to bring superior ice cream to the galaxy and also make a small profit. He discovered that, even worse, the people in charge of enforcing these awful regulations were poorly paid bureaucrats who often couldn't afford inferior locally made ice cream. This saddened the good Don. He was after all…well, not a humanitarian, but a vorlagitarian. He arranged to top up those poor underpaid bureaucrats' salaries and for the rest he used very fast ships called ice cream boats. So, from his base on the far side of Earth's moon, Don Vorleone oversaw a thriving ice cream business. There were occasional problems that needed to be handled and for those he used Buggsy, Muggsy and Puggsy, known as Da Boyz, as… shall we say, public relations experts?
"What's the problem?" Alexis asked.
"We wuz bored. All we wuz doin' was sittin' around an' playin' pinochle."
"You were bored?" Kate asked. "Why?"
"We wuz too good at our job. No one wants no problems wid Don Vorleone so we gets no work. Da Boss could downsize us. We decided ta make ourselves scarce."
"There seems to be a lot of that going around." Kate said softly.
Suddenly, two more Vorlags appeared in the dining room.
"Puggsy. Are you okay?" Rick asked.
"Sure, but I'm a bit peckish, if youse knows what I means. I could use a bite or two."
"Me too." Said Puggsy's friend.
He was oddly dressed for a Vorlag, but then Da Boyz wore black, double breasted suits with black silk shirts and white ties. There was a suspicious bulge under their left armpits, and they wore fedoras pulled down low over their eyes.
This Vorlag had on shoes with brass buckles, heavy knit stockings, baggy canvas shorts, a lace shirt open at the waist, a clawhammer coat and a tricorn hat. On one ear was a gold earring and on his shoulder was a part.
The parrot looked around and said clearly, "Polly wants a margarita."
"Oh, this is me pal, Long John Vorlag." Puggsy said.
"Are you a pirate?" Alexis asked.
Long John laughed.
"No, I'm the greeter at Gino Vorlagetti's House of Seafood."
"But his grandpa was a real pirate." Puggsy said.
"Really?" Alexis asked.
"Sure, he sailed with Captain Billy Bones, a well-known Vorlag pirate, back in the day."
"That's an odd name for a Vorlag."
"He didn't think his real name was butch enough for pirates."
"What was his real name?" Alexis asked.
"Percy Bysshe Shelley Vorlag."
"I can see his point."
"Ennyways, Cap'n Billy Bones gave a map showing where da pirates treasure was hidden ta Short John Vorlag." Puggsy said.
"Regrettably, gramps could never make enough money to go after the treasure, so he passed it on to my dad."
"And your dad was?" Castle asked.
"Medium John Vorlag. Why do you ask?"
"No reason. I should have known."
"Where is this treasure?" Kate asked, suddenly interested.
"On the second moon of the planet Vorlag." Long John said.
"That's a long way from here." Kate said, a bit disappointed.
"We kin get dere." Puggsy said. "Our pal, Curly, has da Aluminum Corvair all set up an' ready to go. We kin be dere in no time."
Curly was a brilliant teenaged Vorlag. He couldn't understand why humans built such wonderful things like X wing fighters, light sabers, transporters and never put them into production. But, since he knew that if humans could build such things, so could he. Accordingly, he had his own spaceship called the Aluminum Corvair, which looked much like a better-known ship called the Millenium Falcon. Don Vorleone made sure that no one informed Curly that these things were simply human movie magic. As he said, you never knew when a functioning Death Star might come in handy. The ice cream business could be very cold.
"Could you use a human or two?" Kate asked.
"Or three." Alexis added. "My summer internship fell through at the last minute and it's too late to make any other plans for the summer."
"This should end your boredom." Rick said to Kate.
"How could anyone be bored with Vorlag around."
"We'd better call Gran and tell her where we're going."
"Where is da lovely Miz Rodgers?" Buggsy asked.
"She's in LA. She was supposed to have just a short part in some cop show, but the showrunners liked her so much she's a recurring character now."
"Is dat good?" Buggsy asked.
"It's not as good as being a series regular, but it's good."
The packed, called Martha and were all set to go.
Curly transported them up to the Aluminum Corvair as he hovered over Tribeca. Since his ship was cloaked, no one could see it and no sensors that Earth had could detect him.
"Welcome." Curly said, wearing a white shirt and pants and with a light saber hooked to his belt. "This is my co-pilot, Chewbacca."
"I am not Chewbacca." Said a young Vorlag. "My name is Rollo Vorlag and I'm a school chum of Curly's."
"Couldn't you just pretend? You know? Cosplay?"
"My parents did not spend all that money sending me to the Don Vorleone Engineering School, Ice Cream Production Facility and Accounting School so that I could roar unintelligibly."
"We need ta be getting' underway." Buggsy said.
Through the use of wormholes, the ship arrived at the planet Vorlag's second moon in no time. Curly parked his ship, and they left it.
"Where to now?" Castle asked.
"We needs to take a ship to Treasure Island." Buggsy said.
"Treasure Island?" Kate said. "Isn't that kind of giving the game away?"
"Nah. Ever'body knows dere's treasure dere, but dey don't know where. Dey don't have no map like we do."
"So, we take a ship?" Rick asked.
"Sure."
"Wow! I can see it now." He said. "A tramp steamer with a drunken captain, a sadistic first mate and a crew composed of the scum of the…planet."
"Eck-shully, we'll be takin' a Vorlag party ship."
They took a cab to the dock and got in the ticket line.
"Okay, pal," said the ticket seller. "Four adults and two students. But you'll have to keep your pets on a leash."
"Pets!" Screamed Rick and Kate in unison. "On a leash?" Added Alexis.
"These are humans from the planet Earth. That's where Don Vorleone gets his galaxy famous ice cream from." Curly insisted.
"Yeah, sure." Said the ticket seller. "I heard 'em all."
Buggsy reached across and shook the fellow's hands.
"Dese are poisonal friends o' Da Boss, Don Vorleone. Capisce?"
"Whatever." He said, handing Buggsy three more tickets. "You're sure they're housebroken?"
"Youse kin take dat ta da bank."
"What was the handshake all about?" Kate asked.
"I jist gave him a li'l sweetener. You'se knows, jist a taste."
"You bribed him?"
Buggsy shrugged.
"Well, if youse wanted to be really technical about it, I s'pose so."
When they got to the main deck, they found a line of conga dancing Vorlags that seemed to go all around the ship.
TBC