Sixteen
As the Hawthornes walked through the door, Katniss knew with just one look Gale was thinking the same thing as she was: that they would be able to accommodate half of the Seam in this enormous house, and that most of its inhabitants would never know such comfort. At least winning meant they would have some food, basic things like flour, oil, some rice, and canned food. It wasn't much, but it was better than nothing, and for a few months her district would be somewhat better off because of her, even if it hadn't even been her purpose. An empty belly could be a death sentence, everyone at the table was aware of it.
"Katniss doesn't know what to do with the office, but I already have an idea," Katniss's father commented.
She stopped eating and looked at him curiously.
"What did you think of?"
"Maybe a consultation, if we can get a permission."
"That's a great idea, Ben," Mrs. Hawthorne replied.
It made sense. He may not have been as good a healer as her mother had been, but he didn't lack the knowledge and they had managed to survive since his accident by selling some remedies she had taught them. Besides, now they didn't even need to be paid for it.
"I can help," Prim offered quickly.
Katniss smiled.
"Sounds perfect, dad. And you," she said, looking at her sister, "you also have to go to school. Just like all of you."
Gale's brother Rory, also a close friend of Gale's sister, chuckled.
"I can do many things at once," Prim said. "I want to do it."
Surely she could, because, although she didn't seem like it, she was just as stubborn as her, and hse spent the day arguing about what was fair and what wasn't. When she grew up, she imagined her being just as determined as her father. Her new situation brought them a peace of mind they had never known. The Hawthorne's were carrying on fine with Gale in the mines and Hazelle working as a laundress to try to care for all of her children by herself, but Katniss felt she could do so much more for them. She didn't like knowing Gale was down there working, where his own father had died and hers had been forever wounded. However, he also had his pride and she knew he was too stubborn to let anyone provide for them, not even his friends.
"You can come whenever you want," she offered, when they finished eating.
Gale's mother thanked her while Prim was still talking to Rory and Posy in the doorway. Now, she just had to really convince him.
"Listen…" she stopped him, lowering her voice a little, "don't let Rory start thinking about going down to the mine. He doesn't need to."
Gale's lips pursed slightly.
"He's got to do something, Katniss."
"But he's still very young, he can look for another job," he replied. "If you don't want me to help you, it's okay, but at least your brothers… I don't know, let them have other opportunities. We've always taken care of ourselves, Gale. This is no different."
It had always been like that, ever since they had met by chance as children, after losing a father and mother and trying to get a livelihood from the forest…why would it be any different now? He was one of her closest friends, she loved them all as if they were her own family. She guessed her plea had had some effect because Gale smiled slightly.
"My mother would be happier if someone had a better future. She doesn't like me going into the woods much either..."
Katniss looked away for a moment and forced a smile. She wasn't ready to talk about it, let alone go back there. She had the impression all of her memories from the Games would haunt her if she did.
"We'll talk, okay?"
Gale walked down the couple of steps and said goodbye.
"See you tomorrow."
Back inside, Katniss cleaned up the entire kitchen with Prim and then her sister went to the living room with her father, who wanted to read quietly for a while. She chose to stay in the kitchen, using the excuse of finishing putting away the dishes, although the truth was she also needed her own silence. She pulled the chair to the spot closest to the counter and opened the address book next to the phone. She didn't know why she was so hesitant, after all he had given her his number, but she hoped he would really listen. Would he mind if she called or not? After what he had done for her, it couldn't be for nothing. When she dialed, she heard the initial beeps and looked out the window. Where would he be? Would he have a window like that? What scenery would distract him? When the beeping stopped, Katniss held her breath for a second.
"Hello?" she heard on the other end of the line, with a distant, but recognizable voice.
"Hello. Finnick?"
It seemed to her that, listening to her, his tone softened.
"Katniss."
"Turns out I do have a phone."
"I told you so. How is the house?"
"The palace, you mean?"
"Yeah, well," he laughed. "I'm glad to hear from you."
Katniss turned her gaze to the street again and wondered what Finnick would see there, what his victor's village would be like, if he had someone to chat with.
"How are you?" She asked him.
"Me?" he replied, surprised. "Good. And you? How are you adjusting?"
The answer to that was not something anyone wanted to hear. She was still fine physically, otherwise...
"Well."
"What's happening?"
"I have nightmares and all that," she replied shortly, as if she could erase everything that way. As if she could forget she kept seeing Marvel's face in her dreams, that she looked in the mirror and saw herself much older, that she noticed how her father was watching her when he thought she didn't see. "Did you talk…did you talk to Estee's parents?"
Katniss heard a slight sigh on the other end.
"Yes, of course. It was the first thing I did after coming back."
It was what she wanted to hear, but then she didn't have the courage to ask him how it had been. After all, she had a job to do too, and she hadn't dared to face it yet.
"I'm going to take a letter from Alder to his family," she confessed quietly. "I'm not sure if they want to see me."
"It may be painful for everyone, but they'd better have it, that's for sure. Trust me, I've been doing this for years."
I don't, and I don't want to do this every summer, she thought. If she didn't tell him, it was only because she knew they might be listening.
"What time is it there?"
"It's not noon yet."
"I didn't wake you up, did I?"
"Do you think I only hang around when I'm home, Everdeen?"
She laughed, even though she didn't feel like laughing at all, but it was nice to know that Finnick was still Finnick even away.
"I don't know."
"I'm going to go swimming in a bit. What are you doing?"
"Nothing, we've already eaten. I think I'm going to go now…to see Alder's family."
It was the perfect time, they would be at home or at the shoe store."
"Hey, take it easy," Finnick advised. "They'll be grateful."
She wasn't that convinced about it.
"I'll call you another day this week and you'll tell me how it went, okay?"
"Yeah. See you later, Finnick."
"Bye bye."
Katniss stared at the phone after hanging up for a moment, undecided, but ended up getting up for the letter, but not before telling her father she was leaving. If she didn't do it now, and she had to do it alone, she would never dare. She ignored the main streets, and walked with her head down to avoid being looked at or stopped to congratulate her, and she didn't leave her way until she found the entrance to the shoe store. It was in a good area of the district, near the town hall, where you could tell that there were real sidewalks and not stone and dirt paths.
She opened the door with her heart pounding and looking up she met a pair of surprised eyes. She deduced he would be one of Alder's brothers, because he had the same complexion as him. Actually, he looked so much like him that a small chill ran up her spine.
"Are you John?"
He looked at her with his mouth open, as if he had been paralyzed and just nodded.
"Are your parents here?" The boy, who couldn't have been much older than Alder, shook his head again. "Can I talk to you?"
"Come in," he finally said, opening the counter and motioning for her to follow him into the back room.
There, she found herself face to face with whom she assumed to be Alder's parents and another younger child, his other brother, sitting, working at a small wooden table. When her mother saw her, she dropped the piece from her hands.
"Hello," she greeted, noticing how her pulse trembled. She had to squeeze the letter between her hands to contain herself. "I'm sorry. I don't want…I don't want to bother you. I'm only…"
Katniss stopped to catch her breath and the father stood up.
"There's no problem."
Looking down for a second, she realized the woman's eyes were swollen. She bit the inside of her cheek and then began to speak.
"Even if I didn't get to see him inside the Games, we spent a lot of time together. I have a thing Alder wrote and… he asked me to give it to you if he didn't came back. He also wanted me to tell the three of you he loved you very much," she pronounced, managing not to get stuck. "He was a good boy, he didn't deserve it."
Her father didn't look away from her, but he didn't stop blinking to contain himself, much the same as her. He took the envelope firmly.
"Thank you."
She turned around and when she was about to go through the door, she heard the woman's trembling voice call her:
"Katniss. We're glad you won."
Not me, she thought to herself. Sometimes I'm not even happy about that.
"I'm so sorry," she told them, without looking at them again.
She left the store without saying anything else, and returned to the street so quickly she didn't see where she was going, until, a few meters ahead, she suddenly brushed against a person while she was running away. She was going so fast she scared herself when she the man in front of her, until she stopped, took a breath and realized it was Michael Elwood, the other winner besides her and Haymitch.
"Katniss?"
"Sorry," she apologized to him, as quickly as she noticed who he was.
"Are you alright?"
"I was coming from…"
She glanced back, where the store was still visible, and Michael followed her gaze.
"Oh. Are you walking home?"
She nodded and quickly wiped her face. She was sure she was red from the few tears that had escaped her. What a silly way to meet someone, because although they both knew who the other was, they had never exchanged a word. Michael was about the same height as her, older than Haymitch and his father. She noted he wasn't as skinny as she remembered him to have been before the Games, which had to be a good sign.
"You have been very brave," he told her, as they started walking, "and I don't mean just the Games."
Katniss shrugged a bit.
"It's what he wanted me to do."
"Sometimes promises are useless, that says a lot about you."
If she knew little of Haymitch's Games, she knew even less of Elwood's, or how he had won. Of course, it was hard to imagine a winning boy seeing that weakened man, but still retaining a certain strength in his gaze.
"My apologies in advance if my grandson is running around your house. He isn't used to having neighbors and he is getting a taste for walking."
So he had children, even a grandson. She couldn't even imagine her life in one or five years, let alone in such a distant future. She had always sworn to herself she would never bring a child into a world as horrible as hers.
"I don't mind, don't worry about that," she assured him. "I haven't even been out much."
"It'll pass, it's the shock from the beginning, you think that the whole world is watching you and noticing your every movement... To a certain extent, it's true" he conceded.
"May I ask how you are? You look…"
"Better, yes, thank you," he completed for her, with a grateful smile. "This treatment is working somewhat better."
"Glad to hear it."
"We all want a few more years, don't we? Especially if we have someone to spend them with. I know something about guilt, too, and it won't get you anywhere, Katniss. It's normal to feel it but... with time it will be better. Even when they send you back there and everything stirs up the past."
She made a face.
"I don't know if I'd rather go back inside than see more kids die."
"Maybe you can save someone, who knows?" Even so, it wasn't a kind prospect either. "You won't be alone, you will have Haymitch to help you. Although he is not the best at making conversation, he is trustworthy and he has his reasons for being like that."
"I know," she murmured. "I already know more than I would like."
"And for that I'm sorry. This is a nasty world," he pronounced, turning his gaze to the entrance of the Winners' Village. "All we can do is support each other so...if you ever want to talk, you just have to knock on the door."
Katniss tried to return his smile, despite still feeling the lump in her throat. She didn't know if it was much of a comfort, but there was a certain relief in feeling that some people would understand what she had been through. Maybe, just maybe, there was a future to build from there.
Sorry for the long time since the last update! Hope you enjoyed this one!