Eighteen

Katniss looked at the closet, almost half of it filled with clothes of all shades. She had never had so many clothes for herself, not even before had they own so much the three of them together. Madge moved from one item of clothing to another with her hands, looking for something that caught her attention. Right before her, Prim had already chosen a dress, which they would only have to fix a little to make it fit her. She could use it for Sundays. Velvet, good wool, silk… she had materials of all kinds waiting to be worn. Madge took down a green dress and ran her fingers over some sparkling stones on the shoulders.

"They do look like diamonds," she murmured with fascination.

Then, Katniss approached her to see it more closely, in the light of the window. She wouldn't know the difference between real and fake, but she feared she was right. When Madge gave it to her, she quickly put it away in the closet, almost terrified. Why would she want to wear something like that? Why would she waste that money on a piece of clothing? With its worth one could probably feed the entire district.

"Is there anything you actually like?" Her friend asked her.

Katniss looked back at the closet and nodded to her.

"Only that one."

It was a dark blue jumpsuit, long and elegant, the only one she had tried on that hadn't made her feel like someone who lived in the Capitol. They would arrive to take her measurements once the victory tour approached, and check if what they had sent as gifts didn't fit. She would also have to try what Cinna would design for her last stop at the Capitol. After Madge had finished inspecting everything, Katniss gifted her a pale pink blouse that suited her better and they both decided to take a walk. It had slowly become a routine, something to distract themselves, although, in the mornings, Katniss had begun to like going for a run, following Finnick's advice. In those last couple of weeks she at least had rested bit better, so it had been helpful. They were almost around the edge of the Seam when Madge looked up at the trees, absentmindedly touching the fence that separated them from the meadow as she passed.

"We could go to the forest," she commented suddenly, under her breath.

Katniss looked at her, raising her eyebrows in surprise, unintentionally.

"Do you want to go?" she asked.

She had never told her anything alike, and she imagined she had never left the boundaries of 12 as she had done hundreds of times. Her friend smiled slightly before shrugging her shoulders.

"Why not?"

Katniss slowed for a moment, but only to change their way to the area where the fence was not electrified and they could squeeze through a gap at the bottom. She didn't mind her asking, even if she only found the idea appealing. Still, it was Madge. She was well aware that her escapes there until the Games were not an adventure, nor a whim, but a need. But…what about Madge? Had she ever fantasized about getting lost in the meadow, among the trees? Katniss hadn't even thought of it until now. For a person who had everything, she had the same limited freedom as everyone else.

"Had you already been back?" Madge asked her, when they were just crossing the meadow.

Katniss looked down and inhaled until she smelled the pungent smell of grass. She noticed that Madge was watching her intently, while she equally observed where she stepped, as if she were out of place.

"One day, with Gale. Just for a walk".

He had hunted, and she had stood watching, almost paralyzed, although she had found it so difficult to articulate it she hadn't said a word to Gale about it.

"Aren't you going to hunt?" Madge almost murmured, unsured to say it. Katniss stopped, noticing the concern in her voice. "I know you don't need it...is your hearing well?"

She swallowed and gave Madge a small smile so she wouldn't get concerned.

"Maybe not like before, but I think I could manage. It's just that..." She stopped and made a vague gesture with her hands, until she decided to sit down and breathe. "I have the bow at home, the one from the Games, but I don't want to use it. When I get the arrow and I'm about to shoot, even if I'm just testing it, it's like they're in front of me."

Her friend sat next to her and squeezed her hand a little.

"I'm sorry, Katniss."

She had to look away for a moment to clear the lump that had formed in her throat, but she composed herself quickly. She didn't want to think about it, although she was grateful that she felt comfortable enough with Madge to be able to say it out loud.

"Look at you out here," she smiled at her, changing the subject. "Who would have told you?"

She smiled too and leaned back to look at the sky, already lying down.

"It's like another world. Everything is so calm."

Katniss imitated her and, for a while, there were only almost tiny clouds crossing the sky, with the soft breeze around her and the only sound of birds and their slow breathing. On days like that, maybe she didn't need anything more than that simple company. Maybe that was the only thing that mattered, what she had been worth fighting for.

"We can come whenever you want, they won't find out," she told Madge. "I can even teach you how to swim."

It wasn't a lie, not completely. The fence had been damaged in that area for years and the guards raised their hands because they also traded on the black market for food, like everyone else. Madge turned her head, leaning on one arm.

"Where?"

"There is a lake a short walk from here. It'll be cold soon, so it'll have to be now or wait until spring."

"That's fine. I had no idea how you could cross that river like it was nothing, but now I see it."

Swimming, Katniss repeated to herself. Maybe swimming was also a good way to clear her mind. For now, running was, to some extent, liberating.

"Madge," she later called. "I don't get why you haven't come with me here before."

"Because when you and Gale went out here it wasn't for fun," she replied, suddenly more serious. "I've never had to think about something like that to live. I didn't want you to think I didn't take it seriously."

"I wouldn't have thought anything like that, Madge."

She was sure because she was the only friend of hers, the only one she really had other than Gale, someone who hadn't mind hanging out with the lonely girl from the Seam, someone who had seen past the differences in their lives from the beginning. Even if her only motive had been to see nature in person, to discover what it could be like to be on the verge of reaching freedom, that would have been valid enough. Didn't everyone dream of a world in which no one dictated what they should do?

"Maybe not you," she said, and she sat up. "I once asked Gale if it was too far, that place where you got the strawberries you usually sold to Dad, and he laughed in my face."

Katniss sat up abruptly as well and frowned a little. She wasn't aware of anything like that happening either, because none had said anything to her, but she deduced Madge would have been embarrassed.

"He's never liked me," she added in a murmur, turning her face away.

"He doesn't hate you. Gale…" Sometimes it seemed to her he was blinded by his hatred for anyone with privilege, but it wasn't Madge's fault that she was the mayor's daughter, or that the system was unfair. Katniss shook her head a little and added, "It's not because of you, that's how he is. Anyway, why didn't you ask me then?"

"I guess I only wanted to have something to say to him."

"Because…?"

Katniss stared at her, surprised, as she shrugged her shoulders nervously.

"I don't know, just to talk," she answered, with a slight blush on her cheeks that Katniss couldn't miss. "To have an excuse to do it, at least."

"Sorry," she told her, after she involuntarily laughed when she realized what she was saying. "Madge…are you into Gale?"

She quickly covered her face, although Katniss noticed Madge laughing, turning even redder as she began to laugh too.

"I can't believe it. Well, you should know… he once kissed me."

"Kissed you?" Madge almost shouted.

It had happened about a year ago, one morning while they were sitting not far from there, while sharing a bread roll. Katniss had been too slow to react, because one minute they were chatting and laughing and suddenly Gale was getting too close to her, but then she had interrupted him.

"I'm not joking. I pushed him to get him off of me and we didn't talk about it again," she explained, then grimaced. "It was like kissing my brother."

Madge shook her head a little, as if she wanted to forget such a scene, but she continued smiling at her. Katniss didn't want anything else from Gale other than a beautiful friendship, so she found it funny that Madge wanted his attention when he had never gave it to her. Maybe that was the reason, or that they were almost opposites and she was attracted to something different from herself. How could she know? She couldn't say she understood what it was like to fall in love with anyone, because she had never felt anything like that.

"I have something to tell you too," Katniss spoke. It had occurred to her suddenly, for some reason, but after hearing Madge confess, it seemed appropriate. "Do you know who I met at the Capitol? Finnick Odair."

"Finnick Odair?" Her friend repeated, with amazement. "When? At the Coronation in the Capitol?

"Actually, before the Games," Katniss explained. "We bumped into each other one day and then...because of the alliance with 4 we saw each other once, and after winning, of course. We talk a lot on the phone."

Madge listened, with a real interest that made her feel not as nervous as she had imagined when telling anyone, because, what would be the first thing you would think? Considering the reputation they had created for him, she didn't even want to imagine, if, for example, it had been Gale and not her.

"What is he like?"

"It's...complicated," Katniss hesitated. "He is a bit cocky, although not as much as I thought, and he is very kind, he has done a lot for me. I would never have said it, but we got along well."

Madge looked at her, smiling slightly.

"Then you'll see it when you go on the Victory Tour."

It was the only thing Katniss could be happy about. Going district by district, seeing people who had lost their children or friends in the Games was not going to be pleasant, especially in the first districts. She also didn't want to think about getting to 11 or even recognizing Estee's family. Although she was going to be home for a while, she felt it would serve to open wounds she wouldn't even be able to close soon.

"I'm more excited about seeing the sea, though," Katniss said, thinking of a day in what seemed like another life, when Finnick had told her that one day she would see it with her own eyes.

In the end, he would even be right about that too.

I'm back! Thanks to everyone reading! 3