Be Selfish

Chapter 19

"You said you'd explain later," Harry said, sleepily padding through to the living room. After they got back, he'd had a nap, had lunch in his bedroom before having a bath – the House-elf Lori had really pampered him – it was a novel experience, he wasn't used to that. Hell, he wasn't used to a bath never mind bubbles and nice smelling shampoos and things. Then Lori had a lovely pair of blue pyjamas waiting for him, they fit like a glove. They were going to become his favourite things; they were so silky and soft to touch. "It's later."

Antonin set his book aside, staring at the boy, "I did," he conceded, he was exhausted. Just thinking about this afternoon, Merlin only knows how the boy had actually endured it. "Smirnov got in touch with you. The letter is on the table, it can wait until after dinner."

At the very moment the word 'dinner' left Antonin's lips, the table filled with dishes. The aroma's had Harry's mouth-watering, despite not wishing to talk further on what happened during his schooling years. He was too relaxed after the pampering to really sigh, to showcase the tediousness. The letter Antonin spoke off was set the side, where the mail came every morning for them. It lay untouched, but even he could see the healers illegible writing from where he stood.

Padding over, he slid into the seat next to Antonin, his bulk making him feel safter than it ought to. What did it say that Harry was coming to trust Antonin more than he'd ever trusted anyone in his life? He'd never concealed anything from him, and had made every effort to ensure he looked for answers himself, learned independence – as if he was suffering from the lack of it – he actively encouraged learning, despite Harry's learned distaste for reading.

The urge to read the letter from the healer was strong, almost as strong as the desire to learn everything he could. For once the thought of reading didn't fill him with dread. The books would be by someone who was a natural healer, like himself.

"Before we begin, here, I bought you a gift." Antonin said, handing over the plain wrapped gift.

Harry blinked, almost owlishly, astonished, before dumbly accepting the package, "Thank you," he said, just a tad bit breathless. It was very rare to get gift just because, he could count on one hand the amount of people who did it. His head of house – although, he'd come to the devastating realisation that she'd paid for that broomstick out of his own vault recently – during his first year, the Nimbus broomstick. Sirius had got him his second one out of his own accounts, that was it really.

Carefully removing the paper, he's fingers brushed over his proper name, Henry James Potter in gold on the blue leather cover. Unlike Voldemort's the name wasn't at the bottom and it wasn't the same design thankfully. It was sleek and the honestly quite lovely.

"Even now there aren't many books to which a natural healer can learn the trade," Antonin explained, watching the utter awe and bashfulness on the boy's face over such a simple gift. No, not so simple, not to him. "It doesn't help that everyone learns differently, and the difference in power levels definitely makes a difference in the practice of learning the craft. Your family clearly has this ability in the family magic. Perhaps writing everything down for future healers would be a good thing."

Harry perked up, nodding in understanding and agreement. Standing up, he wrapped his arms around Antonin, "Thank you," his voice slightly wobbly, to nearly everyone else in the world it was such a simple gift, written off as plain but to Harry and those who had lives like him, it meant more than words would ever express. It meant the world.

Antonin stiffened in the hold, not that you'd be able to tell, since he was pretty much an unmovable force. Pure muscle that not even his time in Azkaban had removed or lessened. He wasn't used to being touched, not anymore. The only presence he'd had was his house-elf, and she sure as hell didn't touch him more than need be, such as when passing something.

"Sorry…I'm not usually like…" Harry said stepping back, cheeks red, "Like that."

"What gay?" offense written across his face, "You're in for a shock, most wizards are Bisexual."

"No!" Harry was fast to reply, "I didn't mean it like that, I just mean I don't usually touch people…I'm not touchy feely."

Antonin barked out an amused laugh, touchy-feely, well, he had a way of talking he'd say that for him. Then again, his grandfather only ever really allowed his husband to touch him, oh he hugged them, loved them with his whole heart, but he like Harry so aptly put wasn't touchy feely. He guessed that's what happened when you felt nothing but pain when someone touched you.

"You're welcome," gesturing towards the books, "Did you ever secretly want to be a healer?"

Harry shook his head, "My focus was surviving, although I did tell McGonagall," his tone sour just saying her name, he'd felt fondness for years due to her one act, stupid him for thinking she'd bought it for him out of the kindness of her heart. "That I wanted to be an Auror, that's what they expected me to do."

"And now?" Antonin asked as Harry sat down, setting his journals aside, with delicate care as if they were fragile and in danger of breaking.

"I definitely want to be a healer." Harry stated firmly, no doubt whatsoever in his voice. "Primarily a child's one if I can. Paediatrics I think it's called in the Muggle world, perhaps the magical alternative?"

"There are," Antonin informed him, giving a nod, somehow not surprised, recalling his interacting with the child. He'd likely saved that child's life and magic with his actions. "You've already saved a few children's lives already, and should you wish, you could heal thousand if not millions of more children in your lifetime." Much better than the short life of participating in the war.

Harry smiled, a smitten genuine smile that spoke of a longing to do something so noble, to be useful, to do something he desired to do instead of being led around by the nose from Dumbledore. Both of them begun to put the food on their plate, the fire crackling in the distance was the only noise for a few moments.

"So, what kind of questions?" Harry asked softly, as he picked up his cutlery up and begun to eat the food.

"Did Snape himself tell you about the Occlumency lessons?" Antonin begun his own questions, ones that hadn't specifically been asked by the goblins themselves.

"Yes, he came to…one of the Black properties to tell me that Dumbledore asked him to teach me." Harry said slowly, throwing Antonin a curious look, "You seem really perplexed by all this, why?"

"Snape's intelligent, enough to play one side against the other if it comes to it," Antonin explained, between bites to eat. "It just doesn't seem likely he would have let Dumbledore talk him into doing something that would have seen him put in Azkaban for life." It was akin to actual rape, an act not even the most depraved of wizards would attempt. It just wasn't done, its why the magical world likened muggles to animals since they were capable of such depravity.

"But he's a Death Eater," Harry pointed out, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"Funnily enough, being a Death Eater isn't actually a punishable offence." Antonin said dryly, "You need to get caught out doing something illegal, before you can be put in Azkaban."

Harry scoffed bitterly, "Right, here I was thinking they just put people in Azkaban because they could." His bitterness towards the British magical world was becoming more and more obvious as the days go on. Just having his godfather's innocence on display, it was meaningless now his godfather was dead and he couldn't even have a funeral, his godfather's body was gone.

Antonin said nothing, Harry was quite right to be furious over their actions. The more he heard about Harry's life, including what had been done to Barty – whether he liked the wizard or not – the more he begun to realize there was something fundamentally wrong in the magical world. It shouldn't be done, giving wizards a kiss to save your own ass, imprisoning wizards – especially noble and ancient heirs – without a trial, wizards getting off with murder, what did surprise him considering all he knew, was that Harry still wanted to be part of the magical world at all.

"What else?" Harry deliberately changed the subject, not wishing to dwell on his godfather.

"Didn't you get books to help you begin the fundamental base level understanding of the subject?" Antonin queried.

Harry shook his head, "No, nothing."

"And you didn't think to go to Hogwarts library yourself to find out?" Antonin couldn't help the censure that slipped out.

"Actually, I did," Harry said tiredly, "After a few of his lessons I actually attempted to find out how to do it. I was still endlessly curious about what everyone was keeping from me, but I wanted to learn how to close my mind to make the pain stop. To stop Snape from seeing my memories, it was…humiliating."

"But you don't believe you did enough?" Antonin asked, shrewd gaze boring into Harry's own.

"I know I didn't, if I had just tried harder Sirius might still be alive." Harry repeated, not for the first time either.

"Occlumency is a very personal subject, there must be a fierce bond of trust between mentor and pupil. You don't get any more personal than someone seeing your memories. Given the way you were taught…I'm worried that you didn't learn properly on purpose." Antonin stated gravely. "The level of incompetence is just too incredulous to think could happen by accident." Whether Snape was part of it or if he'd been duped well, that was anyone's guess.

"It doesn't make it better." Harry sighed, suddenly bone-achingly tired. "It won't bring him back." Was it wrong to just want some parental figure in his life? Someone to take care of him so he didn't need to look after himself all the time? Someone to give him guidance and Merlin forbid happiness and actually protect him.

Antonin gripped Harry's shoulder, "No, you can't bring him back, but you can live your life to the fullest for both of you. You're a Necromancer according to the results of your inheritance test. Who knows, you might be able to see them again. Even if you never work it out, you know your parents and Black want you to live. They died to protect you, because they love you so that you would live." Stressing the words out, he honestly feared that Dumbledore knew what Harry was and had allowed the life he'd lived to see what happens. He didn't think he could remove the six years of likely sacrificial propaganda Dumbledore had fed him, but he'd like to try his best.

Harry swallowed thickly, a tremulous smile on his face, he leaned into the touch, amazed that he felt such comfort from the bigger – in all ways – wizard before him. "I like the sound of that," the thought of seeing them again. He didn't know anything about necromancy, he made a mental note to look into it. "Why are you defending Snape anyway?"

"Not defending," Antonin pointed out briskly, "There's a reason the Dark Lord used Severus Snape, because he's very good at what he does. He wouldn't leave himself open to prosecution. Given the past between the Potters and himself, doubly so. I just feel like something is missing unless Snape actually believes he's untouchable now." Again, he reckoned it was unlikely.

Harry snorted derisively, he hated Snape, hated his father who helped turn Snape into a bitter wizard. Harry hated a lot of people, and sometimes he didn't know how to deal with all that hatred.

"He isn't and wasn't always the wizard you knew," Antonin repeated, squeezing his shoulder before he began eating. "Are there any questions you have for me?"

"I have a lot of questions," Harry confessed, "Do you…um…do you have books on Necromancy?"

"Nothing that would prove useful to you, I have a few books that has perhaps a chapter or two discussing Necromancy and general information about it. However, they lack details, the ability is very mysterious and unique to a single family. The Peverell's. Which you are descendant from, you'll likely find journals and books detailing the abilities in your vaults or in the various properties belonging to you."

"Journals? Do you think my dad…" Harry paused, hating that he felt so hopeful, the idea that he might get to know them even if they were shitty people as teenagers.

"The goblins know every single item that's ever put into the vaults, audits are called for when a new Lord is due to come into his inheritance. One was likely done when you were fifteen." Antonin explained, the boy should know all this already, he needed to find his old books and ensure Harry reads everything to help him fit in, society would have a lot of expectations for Harry especially when they believe he becomes Lord Potter.

"Can they be transferred over?" Harry asked, "The books I mean,"

"For a price," Antonin answered simply, "The price is extortionate, you're better off going back to Britain yourself, collecting what you wish and bringing it back."

"Oh," Harry said, money, he had a lot of it, and Harry didn't have any desire to go back, not really, even if it was colder here.

"I will be returning to Britain soon myself, should you wish to join me." Antonin informed him.

"Why?" Harry asked, concern displayed across his features.

"I have procured a potion to help the rest of the Knights, it helps against the damage left by the exposure to Dementors." Antonin explained, surprised by the worry the teen had for him. "They're going to need it."

Harry froze, a flash of denial surging through him, "Why didn't…why didn't Sirius get it?" almost making his tongue bleed with the extent he bit it.

Antonin scoffed, "The potion is designated 'dark' due to the ingredients and thus it is illegal. At least for now, should the Dark Lord win, we will see a better world."

"Are there a lot of potions like that?" Harry asked, wondering why it was dark, "I just don't understand…they have love potions that take away peoples free will and force them to love someone they fundamentally wouldn't…but a potion to help Dementor exposure is illegal?" shaking his head in utter incredulity of it.

Antonin just grimaced, "Welcome to British magical world, they cut their own nose off to spite their faces. The Longbottom's more so than anyone else."

Harry froze, eyes flashing, "What is that supposed to mean?" his tone thick with venom, remembering vividly the day he'd seen the Longbottom's fate properly for the first time. There was no way he was implying they could get better? Was there?

Antonin's stare became intense, both at the look and Harry's tone. "There's a potion regime that would have seem them recover within a week initially. Failing that, a natural healer would have had them both healed and on the move within days." The ability of natural healers couldn't be more unstated. Harry had just stopped a child from getting Dragon Pox and add to astonishment had repaired the child's core, that child would have died. Nothing short of Harrys' work would have accomplished that.

"You mean I could heal Neville's parents?" Harry asked, almost breathless, he could give Neville back his parents, likely his most ardent wish.

"I have no doubt you have the power to do that," Antonin declared, "However, if you're even thinking of doing it, have them transferred to their estate, and you do it there. If you do it in St. Mungo's everyone will know where you are and your abilities before you can take a step out the hospital room."

Harry nodded sombrely, taking his advice for what it was.

"You'll likely need time between healing them as well, don't go without rejuvenation draughts." Antonin added, well aware of Harry's bloody need to be the hero. At least he could make sure the bloody boy would do it without harming himself.

"There will come a day when you don't need to take breaks, but you are just starting out, to do both of them immediately you'd risk draining and then breaking your core, which will kill you."

Harry blanched at the idea, this past week and a half, despite how he'd been bed bound for a bit of it was the freest Harry had ever been. He wasn't going to screw that up, not for anything, so he would listen to the kernels of wisdom Antonin was giving him. "The healer didn't tell me that." More than a little alarmed.

"Smirnov likely will when you and he attend the clinic, it's the first thing he'll tell you. It's also going to be one of the first things you read in that book." Antonin said ruefully. "Now my Portkey is going to be set for one person…shall I have it amended for two?"

Harry blinked at the sudden unexpected question, a little leery over the idea of going back if he was honest. Biting his lip, he mulled over the question for a minute, "As long as I get an emergency portkey, one that will bring me back here…if that's okay? I'll pay rent." At least until he found somewhere else to live.

Antonin nodded slowly, "A Permanent emergency portkey, that can be done, you may also wish to inform the goblins to do a current audit on both your accounts." Both the Black and Potter accounts just to be on the safe side.

"Aren't they done frequently anyway?" Harry asked giving him a look as he returned to his food.

"On stagnant vaults there's no need, on vaults with only one heir then Lord again, not really any need since you'd know the coming and goings of your own vaults. With larger families like the Black's audits need to be done frequently due to the coming and goings done by all who have access."

"Comings and goings? Aren't Audits only monetary value?" Harry asked adding more vegetables to his food. "And isn't it supposed to be an independent party?"

Antonin lips twitched in surprised pride, not as ignorant as he had thought, "They are independent goblins sworn vows to be as such. They literally cannot make money from any third parties or account without their magic killing them. They're independent auditors only, and no, not just money, properties and such are an integrated part of business at Gringotts."

"I never really understood why a bank had anything to do with properties." Harry confessed.

"We have so little land that we combine anything that might be possible to. We also like having everything together, so we don't need to have different meetings…most of us are kept busy enough as it is by the Wizengamot." Antonin added, "It made sense to have the goblins oversee everything."

"Righttttt," Harry said sarcastically, "While treating the goblins that make you money, look after what you've got and know where you live. So smart."

Antonin smirked, "Nobody said we were all smart,"

Harry laughed softly as he shook his head ruefully, and after that their thoughts were primarily centred around eating. Warm and comfortable, as if they'd been doing this for years, certainly felt longer than just a week and a half. It looked like a visit to Gringotts was also on the cards for tomorrow. Then Friday he would be with Healer Smirnov at the clinic. Oh, he couldn't wait! It was going to be so much fun. Exhausting for sure, but fun.

The second he finished his meal; he picked up the letter from the healer only to realize there wasn't just one letter there. There was two. "The Ministry of magic? What could they possibly want?"

Antonin's gaze shot right up, a frown marring his features, but it smoothed out pretty quickly. The property made sure that this place couldn't be found, even if there had been a tracker on the letter it would have disintegrated the second it crossed over the wards. Lori must have brought it in earlier and he hadn't realized.

Harry opened it and gasped.

"What is it?" Antonin asked concerned, but he didn't get in Harry's personal space or demand answers.

"Uh…fifteen million galleons, the Ministry is giving it to me as Sirius' closest living relative and the person affected most by his wrongful imprisonment. They hope 'I accept the condolences' they offer." Harry said staring at the Gringotts check, bloody hell that was a lot of money.

"Is there a gag order?" Antonin asked suspiciously, it was a lot of money then again it was twelve years of Black's life, not to mention the few years on the run after.

"Doesn't seem to be the case," Harry admitted, flipping the parchment over, shaking his head, nothing more was mentioned.

Antonin nodded, "They're hoping to give you that money so you don't sue them for twice the amount. I wonder if they realize you intend to sue them, or if they're just hoping you'll keep quiet."

Harry narrowed his eyes in thought, "Is it possible? That I'll get twice the amount?"

"If the Ministry is lucky that's all you'd get, yes, they're just attempting to placate you." Antonin's eyes skimmed the letter, "At least they're not attempting to butter you up, straight to the point, and nothing more."

Harry nodded, before ripping the Gringotts check to bits, and getting up and throwing it in the flames, the pieces of paper were caught by the flames and darkened until they were naught but ash in the grate. "It's not about the money."

"I know," Antonin replied, otherwise he would have taken it, it's a lot of money.

"They need to really pay for what they did, and having them pay through the nose is the only way to make them less likely to make the same mistake." Green eyes glimmered with unshed tears, "Less likely to have someone put in Azkaban prison without a trial." He wouldn't be bought off, he just wouldn't. He'd rather have Sirius than a pile of gold.

Reaching over for the healers letter, he read it, unaware that in that exact moment, people were getting missives all over the UK from Gringotts for 'interviews' with warnings that if they didn't come, they'd be punished by days in the mines or a fine. It alarmed them all, since none of them could remember a time where Gringotts actually held a trial, especially for Wizards and witches.

Here we are! another chapter for you to enjoy the next one we will pop over to see what's going on in the UK while Harry recovers and finally enjoys a real (freeing) summer holidays while he begins to get his affairs in order, and learn what its like to be Lord Potter. Will they ever find out they're soul mates or will Smirnov keep quiet on that front? Or will he tell them when they get together? If they get together! Is there anything I've missed that can be used? I don't think I have but everyone has different perspectives so it could easily be done :D I would hate to go through this then realize like five chapters down there's something I would have loved to have added but can't without disrupting the entire story will the goblins sue the Ministry for him? Would he really need to be there? or just the ending of the settlement? I've never sued anyone before and haven't seen any sort of reenactment on the telly to know for sure...hmm google it is :) poor Antonin he's got a permanent house guest he just doesn't know it LOL