I. Merging of Paths

The first time I met Anakin Skywalker, he found me in a storage closet crying over a datapad.

It was…not my best moment.

"Whoa, hey, are you okay?!"

"I hate math," I sobbed.

Through a blur of tears, I looked up and finally realized who I was talking to. The lanky padawan looked a little panicked as he watched me cry. And then, he disappeared.

Can't say I blame him.

I scowled down at the assignment displayed on my screen. Math had been difficult enough on earth, but now I lived in a galaxy where the ability to calculate the trajectory of a jump to a system light years away was commonplace.

"Here."

I glanced up, startled.

"Thank you," I sniffled, taking the soft hand-towel he'd offered me, using it to wipe my face.

We were in a closet near the Initiate Dorms, allocated to store living essentials. It was connected directly to the temple's storage level and was regularly used by the housekeeping droids to restock supplies in our chambers.

"What's the matter?" Anakin asked, crouching down beside me. His face was young and unexpectedly kind. It'd been about four standard cycles since he'd joined us at the Jedi Temple, putting him at about thirteen, two years my senior.

"It's this awful assignment," I said with a sniff, lifting up my datapad.

"Let me take a look," he offered and I glumly dropped the datapad into his hands.

He scanned over the word problems listed across the screen and then, his eyebrows arched in disbelief. "This is a senior-level padawan class," he suddenly said. "Why were you allowed to enroll for this course?"

I shrugged despondently. I'd taken enough math courses in my previous life to be able to speed my way through basic arithmetic, algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and calculus. Everything after that had been easier than I'd expected. Courses like upper level calculus, partial differential equations, and linear algebra mainly required us to understand the theory and how it was applied within the realm of astrometry. The actual math was solved using advanced calculators that made my old graphing calculator resemble an abacus.

But then, I'd started astronav, which had introduced the operation of navigational computers and then disallowed their use for the following modules. Instead, we were expected to calculate arrays of secure coordinates, which could be plotted into hypothetical courses, all by hand. This wasn't like earth where satellite imagery digitally mapped out every road at any given location. It was a whole galaxy. And even with thousands of already charted hyperspace lanes, learning to devise a pathway across a three-dimensional galactic hyperplane that was always moving while taking into account the mass of a given ship and its every possible obstacle, made my brain pieces feel like they'd been torn apart and shredded through a turbo-blender.

"I've taken all the prerequisites," I explained hoarsely. "So Master Yoda signed off on me taking this class. It's a lot harder than I expected…"

"Have you taken any piloting courses?" he asked.

I shook my head. "I plan to, but those are electives exclusive to padawans. I was only allowed to take this one because I sped through all the available initiate and junior-level padawan math and astronomy courses."

"I see," he said with a thoughtful hum. "I'm taking one myself and it covers the theory behind some of the math you're doing. Master Yoda probably forgot to take that into account."

"Oh," I said. "Maybe that's it."

Anakin handed me back my datapad. "I can't help you with any of this, but you should talk to your instructor. I'm sure they'll understand."

I nodded and mumbled, "Thanks."

"You must be very smart for Master Yoda to have even granted you access into this class," he said kindly. "Cheer up. You'll catch up soon enough."

I smiled tremulously. Eleven years since I'd last spoken to my parents and even now, galaxies apart, the pressure of succeeding in school still hadn't quite lifted.

"Thank you," I said more firmly, wiping away the last of my tears. "You're a padawan, right? What are you doing in here?"

Anakin leaned back and released an explosive sigh. "I couldn't find the tea that my master likes in any of the storage spaces near our chambers. I was hoping I'd find something here."

I pushed myself up to my feet and he jumped up after me.

"Initiate dorm rooms don't have kitchen units so stuff like tea is mostly taken by the masters," I said, leading him further into the expansive room. "There should be plenty here for you to grab."

"Thanks!" he said, following after me.

"Here it is."

While Anakin dug through one of the crates, I quietly slipped away.

For the last four cycles, I'd made it a habit to ignore his presence, which wasn't always easy. In the Force, he shone like the scorching eruption of a sun flare. But other than sharing a few classes with him when he'd first arrived, there hadn't been much opportunity for contact and I preferred it that way. Having insight to everything that the future held in store felt more like a curse than a blessing when I knew my easy life in the temple would be short-lived. It was the reason why I'd worked my way through all of the elementary courses, despite fooling my masters into thinking I was some sort of baby genius. I needed to get what I could out of this opportunity.

And while knowing the story of Anakin Skywalker was useful, having an education of the vast galaxy I now lived in was even more important if I was going to survive not just the looming war, but the Sith Empire that would rise out of its carnage.

The second time I met Anakin Skywalker was a few weeks later, during a Gathering. We awaited Grand Master Yoda's arrival beside a docked transport ship on a high-level landing platform. Of the group of initiates, I was the eldest and he, the only padawan.

To my surprise, he was quick to approach me the moment he arrived, ignoring the curious eyes of the younger initiates.

"Hey, it's you again," he said with a cheerful smile. "Did your instructor help you with your assignment?"

"Um, yes," I said, tucking my hair behind my ear. After putting together my traveling pack I hadn't had time to braid it, so the long black tresses were simply brushed straight and parted to the side. "Padawan Secura volunteered to help me, so I'm still keeping up with the class."

"See? I knew you could do it!"

I smiled, pleasantly surprised. "Thank you."

It was so easy to remember what Anakin would become, that speaking with this younger, more innocent version of him was startling. I supposed it was absurd to think he had the ability to massacre the Jedi of the temple now and treating him as though he were already Vader was wrong. But still.

"Sorry, I never got your name before…"

I withheld a grimace. I'd never wanted to be in his radar, but now it appeared it was too late for that.

"Nova-Li Deraan," I introduced myself with a shallow bow, careful not to overbalance myself with the weight of my pack.

Anakin quickly followed suit. "Anakin Skywalker."

Fortunately, Master Yoda chose that moment to finally arrive.

"Younglings, greetings," he said, as he headed directly for the landing ramp. "Come. No time to waste, there is."

"Then why was he late?" Anakin grumbled underneath his breath.

I snickered.

If Master Yoda heard him, he did not acknowledge it.

"Master Yoda," piped up a human girl at the head of the group as we climbed the ramp. "Where are we going?"

A fond smile tugged at my lips. For the group of eight-year-olds walking ahead of us, this was their first Gathering. Idiots like Anakin and I, on the other hand, were attending as a result of misplacing our lightsabers. Though it was likely he had a more reasonable explanation than I did.

Mid-way up the ramp, Master Yoda paused and turned. "To build your lightsaber, the time has come."

The initiates broke out into delighted cheers.

"No simple task, this is," Master Yoda warned. "Ahead of you, many perils lie."

"Yes, Master Yoda!" they chimed.

As we continued boarding the Crucible, Anakin asked me, "Is this your first Gathering?"

I shook my head. "I'm eleven standard. My first Gathering was three cycles ago."

"I'm thirteen standard," he readily volunteered the information without my asking. "This is also my second time."

"You lasted longer than I did," I acknowledged.

Anakin looked at me curiously, settling directly beside me on the passenger seats along the main hold. "What happened to your first lightsaber?"

I turned and stared at him, unsure on how to proceed.

He was so…friendly. My original plan of avoiding him for the rest of my life was falling apart quicker than a slip of wet flimsiplast.

Regardless, the Ilum System was located in the Unknown Regions. It would be another nine standard rotations before we reached planetside. To ignore or avoid Anakin would be difficult, especially when he seemed eager to befriend me, though I could hardly imagine why that was the case. For now, I had little choice but to indulge his curiosity. Despite my reluctance, I saw no point in being needlessly cruel.

Finally, I admitted, "I lost it."

"In the temple?" he asked in disbelief.

I shrugged and didn't elaborate. The truth was that my first unsanctioned excursion outside the temple walls had not gone as planned.

After a moment, Anakin quietly said, "A gundark ate mine."

His absurd confession startled a laugh out of me.

Anakin grinned. "It's true, I swear."

"I believe you."

We all felt the moment we entered into hyperspace. And Master Yoda, who was piloting the ship, returned to the main hold soon after.

"Many rotations, it will be, before the Ilum System, we reach. To settle in, a cabin you may choose."

The younglings needed no further prompting. They erupted into excited chatter as they shouldered their packs and scurried down to the sleeping quarters located in the deck below.

"Ugh, I forgot how long this trip would take," Anakin complained as we followed after the others.

"If your track record is anything to go by, this probably won't be your last trip either."

Anakin shot me a squinty-eyed glare. "At least I lost mine on a mission."

I laughed. "You got me there."

Anakin smiled, pleased.

By the time we climbed to the level below, all the other cabins had been taken.

"Guess we're bunking together," Anakin said cheerfully as he palmed open the last blast door in the hall.

"Guess so."

"I call top bunk!"

I didn't argue, merely following him inside and lowering my heavy pack to the floor. Once I'd removed my boots and pulled out my datapad, I climbed onto the lower bunk and settled against the bulkhead.

I had just started drafting an essay breaking down the different forms of government instituted across the member worlds of the Galactic Republic, when Anakin's head popped down from the top bunk, padawan braid flopping upside down from the abrupt motion.

"What are you doing?"

Without glancing up from my datapad, I said, "Writing an essay for one of my classes."

"You're doing coursework?" The disdain in his voice was severe.

I shot him a look. "I don't want to fall behind."

Anakin stared at me in disbelief. "I don't recall initiate classes even assigning enough workload for anyone to fall behind in."

"We're going to be gone a while," I reminded him. "Besides, I'm no longer taking initiate-level classes."

"No way!"

Suddenly, Anakin was launching himself off the top bunk and rolling onto my bed.

"Uh yeah," I said, giving him the stink eye. "If you're going to sit on my bed, please remove your boots."

"Oh, sorry," Anakin said, sounding a tad embarrassed as he went to pull them off.

"Thank you."

"So, you're really smart, huh?"

"I suppose so." I shrugged, hardly feeling proud. I'd been nineteen before I'd died. Speeding my way through what amounted to the equivalent of elementary school wasn't exactly impressive, even if it was in a galaxy far, far away. If anything, I felt slow for struggling in the junior-level padawan classes I was currently enrolled in. And I was barely above average when it came to lightsaber combat. "I'm only taking standard courses, though. I'm not allowed to sign up for any electives until I actually earn the rank of padawan."

"How come you haven't?" he asked, tossing his boots aside and crossing his legs more comfortably. "You're old enough, right?"

"I am," I said, saving my work and powering off my datapad. I had the feeling that bunking with Anakin meant I would be making little to no progress. "I completed my first Initiate Trials earlier this cycle and received an offer of apprenticeship, but I declined it."

"What?! Why would you do that?!"

"The Jedi Knight who offered to take me on was not someone I was interested in working with," I said. "He chose another."

I certainly didn't regret my decision. I would rather age out than ever be partnered with Pong Krell.

"But don't you want to be a padawan?" Anakin asked, looking earnest.

"Sure. But there's always next cycle."

It's not as though I was in any rush. Once I did become a padawan, my workload would triple with the addition of electives, taking on missions, and receiving specialized training from my master.

Anakin didn't appear impressed by my logic.

"Let's play a game," he decided.

I perked up. "What kind of game?"

Anakin dug a hand into the pocket of his trousers and revealed a deck of cards. "Know how to play Sabacc?"

My eyebrows shot up. "You want to gamble?"

"No," he said with a shake of his head. "I don't have anything to gamble with, but it's the only card set I have on me."

"Alright," I agreed. "The winning hand is the one closest to twenty-three, right?"

I'd played the game Before, but I wasn't totally sure that I'd even played it correctly at the time.

"Yep," Anakin said, and proceeded to launch through a quick rundown of the game.

I listened carefully, and after a few plays, got the hang of it. Not that it mattered. Without the use of the Force, my luck was abysmal.

"Wow, you're really bad at this," Anakin snickered, pleased to win yet another round.

I shrugged. "It's a game based on chance. There's not much I can do about that."

"Unless you cheat," was his cheeky reply.

I rolled my eyes. "We're playing something else then. Let me see those cards."

Anakin readily handed over the deck and I shuffled through it, removing all the special cards, until only the numerical values remained.

"I'm going to teach you how to play Speed."

Now, it was my turn to explain. As the name implied, the quickest one to set their cards upon the topmost card in the correct numerical order, won.

"But what if neither of us can put a card down?" Anakin asked, as I split the deck into different stacks.

"Then a new card is revealed and placed on top," I said. "Ready?"

I easily won the first two rounds, but after that, it was anyone's game and I had the sense that the stack of holobooks tucked away in my pack would go unread.

"Yes!" Anakin cheered when he slammed his last remaining card on the stack. "I win!"

"Congrats," I laughed.

"Let's play again!"

At his urging, I gathered the cards and reshuffled them. It was surprisingly fun getting to play, despite my numerous losses. I'd avoided other kids my age for so long that by now, I'd forgotten what it felt like to have a friend.

Before I could finish setting up the next game, the blast door to our cabin hissed open. Anakin and I turned to see a pair of heads peering inside.

"What's wrong?" I asked, twisting around to face the pair of initiates at our door, sensing their distress in the Force.

The orange Twi'lek boy said, "Master Yoda just finished preparing second meal…"

"We think it's frog soup," the Rodian girl added miserably.

I turned back and exchanged a commiserating look with Anakin, before leaning over to grab my boots. "Don't worry," I assured them. "We'll show you where the ration packs are stored."

It was the only way we'd be able to survive the voyage to Ilum while under Master Yoda's care.

The Crystal Cave of Ilum did what I knew it would. It revealed my greatest fear.

It had been three cycles since I'd last visited and that fear hadn't changed. Unlike the younglings, my greatest struggle wasn't impatience or anger or doubt. Instead, my memories, what I believed to be my greatest asset, became the very thing which I despised.

Throughout the nebulous caverns, blurred memories of Order 66 sharpened into frigid clarity, amalgamating with my firsthand experience of being raised in the Jedi Temple. And then, the cave walls expanded and rose, until they transformed into a colossal hall of grand pillars and vaulted ceilings, where a losing battle exploded into existence.

Faces of the children and masters I'd grown up with fastened themselves across the bodies littering the walkways. The sound of blaster fire, plasma blades, and screams swelled into a crescendo, drowning out the thunderous beating of my own heart.

Fear coalesced within me, collapsing my sternum and driving me to my knees. The cold, jarring impact of icy rock against bone was the jolt I needed to regain a moment of clarity.

I breathed.

More than dying, I didn't want to end up alone.

I breathed again and reached out to the profound stillness within; the warmth of serenity; a peace so vast, it swallowed every scream, every sizzling flash of plasma, the very heat which pierced and massacred all I knew in this life.

It was difficult to overcome something I knew to be inevitable. I would either end up a fugitive or perish in the war. There was no other choice for someone like me. I'd had eleven years to accept this, but the comfort of the temple made me viscerally aware of everything I stood to lose.

When I opened my eyes, cold, unsettling silence hugged my ears. I was still on my knees and my body was stone, frozen within the bitter grip of winter, skin so cold it burned.

I stood on stiff limbs, blinking past the ice crystals frozen across my lashes, and forged ahead. Unsurprisingly, I was the last one to harvest my Kyber crystal and make it out of the Crystal Cave.

"You made it!" Anakin looked relieved as I ducked underneath the wall of ice nearly blocking the entirety of the entrance.

The younger initiates cheered and congratulated me as I reached their side and presented my crystal to Master Yoda.

"Learn something, did you?"

I repeated the same words I had said to him, three cycles ago. "I am never alone. The Force is always with me."

"Into your heart, etched it must be."

"Yes, Master Yoda," I said dutifully.

But in my heart, I did not believe that it could ever be enough.

The third time I met Anakin Skywalker we were far from the Jedi Temple and destined to die.

Taken by a Trandoshan hunting guild to be hunted for sport was not the way I'd intended to go. The only thing that gave me hope was knowing that Anakin would survive. And if he survived, then maybe I could too.

Or perhaps, this would be a kinder death.

A/N: Found this in my old drafts. I have no new ideas, just self-insert-OCs. Thanks for reading! And be sure to review if you can :3