To the people of earth, this diner would have been nothing special. A tiny little place, middle of nowhere, with a sleepy proprietor and a non-existent clientele. Even those few people in the nearby village that visited the place on occasion would have been hard pressed to remember it's name.
That made it perfect for what was about to occur. The kind of meeting that only happened once in a thousand generations. One with higher stakes than any since the Garden of Eden. One between Hells Royal Family, and the Seraphim of Heaven.
It had been a long one. Immortals, whether divine or infernal, weren't known for hurrying. For days, they had sat, and they had argued. Charlie had launched into three separate musical numbers, one of which had tried, ambitiously, to rhyme "negotiation" with "obliteration." Lucifer had produced close to five hundred rubber duckies, and Emily had insisted on naming every single one of them. Sera had more or less lost the will to live, and, for a woman who had sat through more than one of Adam's seventy two hour guitar solos, that was saying something.
"Look." The High Seraph said. "As I keep trying to tell you, the political situation in Heaven is…delicate. Adam might be dead, but he had influential followers, and they're foaming at the mouth for revenge."
"Well yes." Charlie countered. "And there's Overlords in Hell who want nothing more than to invade Heaven now that we know how to kill Angels. That's why it's so important we reach an agreement."
Sera had never dreamed she'd have been here, not in a million years. Negotiating with hellborn, as equals! But a lot had changed in the last few months. The Battle of the Hazbin Hotel had proven that angels could be killed, that a full scale war between Heaven and Hell would lead not to a one-sided slaughter, but a massacre that could destroy both sides. And the ascension of the newly named Saint Pentious had proved that hell was not, in fact, forever, and the logic that had motivated constant exterminations was flawed.
"I agree." Sera said. "But we have to be reasonable. Otherwise Lute and her cronies will go to war anyway."
"Ok." Lucifer said. "Ok ok ok ok ok. How about this. We'll drop our demand for war crimes trials for the exorcists. We'll agree that no Overlords can enter Heaven without giving up the souls they own. In return: No more exterminations. And the Hazbin Hotel can keep redeeming sinners."
"That's…not totally unacceptable." Sera said.
"It is?" Lucifer said. "I did it? I DID IT! I NEGOTIATED THE DEAL!" He whooped, dabbed, then realised he was in public and stopped.
"The only problem is." Sera said. "How do we know we can trust you?"
"Excuse me?" Charlie said, eyes narrowing.
"I mean, not to put too fine a point on it." Sera said. "But you are Demons."
"Wow." Said Charlie. "Just wow."
"Seraaaa, that's mean." Emily said, tugging on Sera' sleeve. "We can't have a peace talk if we assume everyones acting in bad faith."
"They're demons, Emily!"
"And they're trying to stop a war!"
An idea entered Sera's mind. It was a terrible idea, she conceded, but mildly less terrible than a civilisation-ending war.
"Charlie- you like girls, right?" She asked.
There was a moment of silence.
"I don't think it's polite to ask that, Sera." Emily said.
"My daughter is a strong, proud lesbian." Lucifer confirmed. "Which i'm totally cool with."
"I'm bisexual, dad." Charlie said, softly.
"Wait, so you like guys too? So that…"
"What I mean." Sera said. "Is that we need a gesture of good faith. So here's my proposal. We will accept your terms. But with one addition. Charlie will marry my sister Emily. They'll spend half of each year in Hell, half in Heaven. That way, we both have hostages. "
Terrible, terrible idea. But better than the alternative.
"What?" Charlie said. "No!" She blushed, and looked over at Emily. "No offence, you're really cute, it's just, I have a girlfriend, and things are kinda serious between us, so…."
"Oh none taken." Emily said, and blushed back. "You're cute too. But yeah! Your girlfriend.I don't want to get between that."
"Even to stop a war?" Sera asked, a little steel in her voice. Emily looked down at her feet. Sera looked at Lucifer and Charlie. "Red line, i'm afraid. We have a wedding, or we have a war."
"We'll accept." Lucifer said, quickly.
"WHAT?" Charlie said, scandalised. "Dad, no!"
"Charlie, look." Lucifer said, his tone pleading. "I know you and Vaggie have a whole…thing, going, but if there's a war…if something happened to you." He flinched. "Hate me. Be angry with me. But I can't risk you getting hurt."
"I understand you don't want this." Sera said. "But we all have to make sacrifices for the greater good. It's the burden of power."
Charlie opened her mouth. Closed it again. She loved Vaggie. But it turned out, she loved her people more.A single tear rolled down her cheek.
"Ok." She said, quietly. "Fine."
Vaggie's tummy hurt. It was silly, really. She'd survived countless battles, duelled with overlords, matched blades with exorcists, and come out alive. But a few days without her girlfriend, and she felt like she could tear her own skin off. Charlie and Lucifer had been gone for days, and while looking after the Hazbin Hotel's newly expanded clientele kept the fallen angels hands full, she found herself thinking about Charlie every spare moment. She was meeting the angels under a flag of truce, but the forces of Heaven could be ruthless in defence of their interests. How did she know that the meeting wasn't a trap? Unbidden, a hundred horrible images flooded through her mind of Charlie hurt, captured, ambushed, killed. If one hair on her partner's head was harmed, Vaggie would storm the gates of Heaven herself, and make sure she died with a pile of angel corpses aound her.
She hummed to herself as she flipped through the hotels finances. Doing work centered her. It was dry and boring, but it was a step towards Charlie's dream, so she didn't mind. A small smile came to her mouth, as she imagined Charlie's face when Vaggie told her she'd figured out a way to reduce expenditure by five percent, while still funding the staff party. Vaggie had done a lot she wasn't proud of, but she knew if she could make Charlie happy…
There was a flash of light, and there she was. Resplendent in her red tuxedo, clearly exhausted from days of negotiation, but still as beautiful as ever. Vaggie rushed forward to embrace her.
"Charlie!" She said, as her girlfriend folded her into a hug. That special kind of hug only Charlie could do, so tight Vaggie almost felt the broken parts of her fit together. "Mi amor. Tell me everything."
Charlie kissed her girlfriends forehead. She knew she probably shouldn't, but how many more chances was she going to get to do this.
"Well…" Charlie said. "I mean…The headline is, they agreed. No more exterminations. And support for the Hazbin Hotel. But…"
Vaggie's normally stoical demeanour evaporated into a squeal of pure delight, and she hugged Charlie again, so tight it hurt.
"You….you did it." She said, tears of joy forming in her eyes. "I'm…i'm SO PROUD OF YOU!"
Charlie's guts twisted.
"Vaggie…I…I…I"
"No, don't worry babe." Vaggie said. "I know. The works not over, and we've still got a lot to do. But we can do it. You can do it. And i've got your back every step of the way. I don't care if it's us against the world, together we can do…"
"Ah, our fearless leader has returned. Good news, I take it?" Alastor's crackling voice broke in, as the Radio Demon turned the corner.
For once, not even Alastors appearance could ruin Vaggie's mood.
"The best news. Charlie did it. The extermination is cancelled!" Vaggie punched the air.
"Well, that IS good news. And I apologise for intruding on this happy occasion with such prosaic interruptions, but there's been a delivery of crayons just arrived out back. I tried to sign for them, but the gentlemen was rather insistent that only the manager could do so."
Vaggie swore. "Ugh, really? That delivery was meant to arrive ten days ago, and now they're being difficult?"
"I did say that to him. Of course, if you want, I can strangle him with his own intestines and make his loved ones watch, but I thought it approiate to obtain permission first."
Vaggie shook her head.
"No. It's fine. I'll sign for it." She smiled at Charlie. "Don't move. Once i've done this, we're celebrating!" She sprinted headlong towards the new hotel's foyer.
"My my my." Alastor said to Charlie, once Vaggie was out of earshot. "Quite the success, my dear. Though I am forced to note, you don't look like a woman whose just achieved the impossible. Why so glum?"
"It's…it's nothing, Al."
"Oh come now, have I ever steered you wrong? A problem shared is a problem torn in half!"
Charlie sighed.
"Heaven gave us what we wanted. Most of it anyway. But they want something in return. A marriage, between me and one of their Seraphim."
"Oh my! So they're forcing you to choose between failing as a leader, or abandoning your closest companion?" Alastor giggled. "You know, maybe I misjudged how much fun I could have in Heaven, if that's the kind of delicious dilemmas they can cook up."
"Not helpful!"
"And you still haven't told her?"
"Not yet. She was so happy, Al. I didn't have the heart to do it!"
"Ah! And now you have to figure out how to tear her heart in two at the opportune moment?"
"Also not helpful!"
"You're quite correct, my dear. I apologise. I suppose the only thing I can say is, no problem exists that can't be solved. I'm not terribly interested in matters of the heart, but, why, from what I know, political marriages are quite often just for show. Perhaps you and her could convince Heaven that you'll require a bodyguard you trust with you at all times. "
"That's…not a bad idea. I'll tell Vaggie right now! Thanks Al!"
"Not a problem, my child. But if I might offer one other thought?"
"Of course!"
"You look exhausted. And tonight should be a night for celebration. Why not revel in your victory this evening, and then you and Vaggie can have the difficult conversation in the morning when you're good and ready."
Charlie, for the first time since the negotiation, allowed herself the hope that everything would be alright.
"Thanks, Al. You're a good friend."
"My pleasure my dear. Oh, by the way, apropos of precisely nothing, remember that favour you owe me?"
"Yeah?"
"Remember my advice. But forget we had this conversation." Alastor snapped his fingers, and just for a moment, a glazed look passed over Charlies face.
"Wh…what were we talking about?"
The radio demon just grinned.
"Nothing important. You go get some rest. Now, if you don't mind, i'm getting a call."
As he spoke, Vaggie and Angel returned to lift Charlie onto their shoulders, and Alastor took his leave.
The radio, by the way, was not always purely a tool for entertainment. When Alastor was alive, it was the cutting edge of long distance communication. He pulled a device from his pocket and put it to his lips.
"Salutations! Am I speaking to the only Vee with any panache? Yes, Velvette, always a pleasure to chat! I was just getting in touch because I've found out about a…well, I believe your vulgar partner would call it an exclusive. Breaking news. I thought you might like to be the one who lets Hell know about it. What do I want in return? Well, let me tell you what I know, and then you can decide if you want to owe me a favour…"