A/N: Finally posting two weeks in a row, huh? It was time to return to the proposed previous rhythm.
I wanted to say that I am very grateful to all of you who have been commenting since the opening chapters. It means a lot to me. And again, let me know what you think of where the story is headed.
thank you guys a lot for read.
xoxos,
lehh
Kate has been watching Rick type furiously on his laptop for almost two hours.
As a fan of the genre and the author, she has no idea what she expected, but there's something surprising in how he can be so focused on putting one word after another without a break in between.
He's handsome when he's focused. Really handsome. Robustly handsome. Something she adamantly refuses to say out loud. But she can admire and think about it.
They did a real team job during lunch, cooking, washing and drying. They were good talking too. Nothing major and deep, just them and their own teasing dynamic with each other. And Kate is so grateful for the light, playful humor he instilled in the air after she admitted the deepest, most essential part of herself, and what drives her. It's only 2:40pm and she had gone upstairs to unpack which she brought in the dresser drawers, she instructed him to do the same but when she returned she saw that he had a completely different plan.
So she picks up the near-finished book — the Kerry Washington one she started earlier last week but hasn't had a chance to finish — and joins him in the living room. But truth be told, her eyes are more actually on him than reading the words on the pages in front of him.
"See something you like, Beckett?" He couldn't resist teasing her, and although she knew he was aware that she'd been staring all this time, she couldn't help but blush at the comment. She lowers her eyes, embarrassed, and smiles.
"Yes, tell yourself that, writer boy. I'm just showing you how scary it can be to be watched 100% of the time while you're working."
He smiles at her comment. "You can be frightening if you want to be, Beckett. But your gaze now sounds a lot more admiring than stalking."
There's that. She told him that she admires him at his work that Sunday, and he is demanding more of that now.
"You don't miss anything, do you, Castle?"
"Not when it's about you."
Kate doesn't know what to do of his response. Nor with that cold movement in her stomach.
"I'm curious what's next with Wilder." It directs the subject to a specific point.
Rick arches his eyebrows. "Why, are you asking for a spoiler, Miss Beckett?" He uses that authoritative, incredibly proud, yet provocative tone to get through to her.
Pulling her bottom lip between her teeth, she rolls her eyes. "Nothing like that, if you hadn't killed my favorite character in your previous saga, I would definitely kill for a spoiler of what he would do next." Kate admits, partly true and partly to push his buttons too. "But David Wilder? Uh, it wouldn't go that far."
In mock offense, he raises his hand to his chest, feigning an ache in his heart. His expression is funny.
"You hurt me."
She rolls her eyes again. "Yeah, well, it's not like you don't know. I told you at your launch party."
"Keeping memories of our first date, are you?"
Hazel's slanted green eyes narrow. She closes the book that's open in her hand, making sure to leave the bookmark exactly where she left off, and places it on the table in front of her.
"We haven't had any dates, Castle. Maybe in your dreams." Her tongue runs up over her lips, wetting them, something she did indirectly until she noticed him staring. Something in her stomach moves again, so she says more. "However, if you think that the first time we met was at your party, you are very wrong."
Rick seems to come out of the trance that was brought on by that thing she did with her mouth. It was practically flirtatious, but she didn't realize she'd done it until she'd done it. Either way, it's easy to see the recognition in his expression, and then the confusion. "When was it then?"
That's when she realizes her mistake. Bringing it up will only boost his ego, show that she was a devoted fan.
"You signed my book before."
"When?" he presses on, looking excited by the new information filed.
"About two years ago?" She feigns disinterest. "I'm not sure. The first books were given to me by my mother. When they came out new, she bought them for both of us. And after she died, I stopped reading for a while. But then I got into the Police Academy and Dad was the one who bought me the new releases. I only bought the last two. You signed the last one for me." She shrugged like it was no big deal.
"Did you wait in line long?"
"About 10 minutes only." She lies. She waited two hours and fifteen minutes. "I wouldn't expect more than that."
He nods, but has a knowing smile on his face. Like he knows she's lying but won't point it out. "What did I write in the dedication?"
"You were sweet." That's all he's going to get from her.
Again, Rick just nods. He clicks the computer a few more times and closes it 20 seconds later. "So Beckett, what do we do now?"
"Aren't you going to write anymore? Is that all?" The question comes with a frown.
"Do you sound disappointed, Beckett? We didn't come all this way just so you could see me write, did we?"
"No, but- well, you have a deadline, don't you?"
"I do, but I'm sorting it out. I just needed to nail down a scene that was in my head all the way here. I can develop the rest later." He explains, and shrugs. "What will we do now?"
"I can show you the tree house if you want" She suggests, looking a little embarrassed and exposed. "And then we can walk to the lake."
"Sounds like a plan."
They sink amongst the trees just moments later. There are birds chirping everywhere, and the beams of sunlight between the branches are much nicer and more beautiful than under the city buildings. Castle is looking around with the gaze of a curious and exploring child, and it's kind of fascinating for Kate to watch that. Seeing him enthralled by something she has known and loved since she was a child.
There are some hydrangea bushes in sight, they are blue and purple. They are remarkable. He's noticing them too.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" It's a statement, even though the tone reflects a question. It's rhetorical. He doesn't really have to answer because she's already saying more. "I always loved the blue ones, but Mum preferred the pink ones. I don't see any around here, but there were plenty. She made Dad pick them for her whenever we came over."
There are three pairs of butterflies flying over the path of wherever they are going.
"So I would ask him to get some blue ones for me too, because I was scared of butterflies and they were everywhere.
He looks at her in delight at this new information, just before bursting out laughing. "Oh, little Beckett was afraid of butterflies? Who would have thought?"
"Tell that to Ryan and Esposito and you're a dead man, Richard Castle." Threat gushes from her voice, but the smile in her expression belies it.
"Your secret is safe with me, Detective."
They walk a little further, and then he can see what she referred to earlier — the said tree house.
Kate is very proud of this project because she helped her father build it. She was just over 7 at the time they started, and she was so excited and so helpful.
As she remembers this, she notices how beautiful the oak that the little house stands on remains.
Its branches look as strong as the first time or as long as she can remember, but now, directly in the sun's rays, pushing through the gaps it can make between the leaves, it sounds showy. Kate is proud of it, for some reason.
She runs to the rope and wood ladder her father made and doesn't look back as she starts to climb.
"Kate."
"Yes?" She doesn't look at him as she climbs.
"You don't expect me to come up there, do you?"
"What's up, Castle? A little scared?"
"Sure. It looks reliable, but it was built years ago. The wood could be rotten. I could fall. We're miles from any hospital and I don't even know if a signal gets through here."
She laughs, finally reaching the top.
"Stop freaking out. Nothing's rotten. Now come see my tree house."
He's gangly and more than a little scared as he goes, but eventually he catches up with her and they're suspended from the structure of Kate's childhood treehouse. The hut's expansion is medium, the area around it is fenced just to avoid the risk of falling. It's not that high, but it's not that low either.
The view from the top offers a different horizon than the way they came, and from this spot, Kate can see bushes of pink hydrangeas. It makes her smile.
"So little Kate Beckett had her own tree house?" Rick seems to finally find his voice again. "Dude, this is awesome. I totally need to meet your dad."
Kate smiles. "He is incredible." She confides, and then points to the entrance of the house. "Come on, let's get in."
She goes first, and then he follows.
As he has been doing for a few weeks now.
Hopefully, she's starting to wish he never stops.
Rick is deliciously delighted by it all.
With the settings, the stories being carefully told, yet detailed... But more than that, he's captivated by the courage of exposition that Kate is doing here.
He knows she's private and likes to keep things to herself, that she appreciates her privacy and yet here she is showing you the inside of her childhood treehouse and telling how she served her mum and dad tea in a cup of plastic that were usually exclusive to her teddy bear Mr. Rabbit blue and her doll Emily.
"And you?" he hears her ask, after a half-hearted pause. "Was there any place like this before?"
"Nothing like that. Mom and I were barely able to keep our place." Rick counts. "But there was one at school. It was a lot less elaborate than yours, but it was fun hiding in there for a while."
"Hide yourself?" Kate frowns.
"Oh yeah. There was this boy: Conrad. He wasn't much of a fan of mine. I spent a good few hours hiding up there."
"You were bullied at school, huh?" She points, sounding a little surprised. "Is that how your interest in the macabre started? Have you spent many hours figuring out how to murder this boy?"
He smiled. "Something like that. Luckily he dropped out of school before I tested my wild ideas."
Kate nods. "But then, Castle, your tree house? What did you do there?"
"Well, at first I would get a book from the school library and read it. Then I started taking girls there."
The way she rolls her eyes and laughs shows that she isn't surprised by this. "Oh, this is where Jane McCartney comes in, isn't it?"
Rick smiles and waves. "What about you, Beckett? Have you brought boyfriends to your treehouse yet?"
She is looking around at the protective barrier her father has placed around the house, the hydrangeas, butterflies and sunshine being a calming and pleasant sight. Then she bites her lower lip in a way he finds absurdly attractive and gives her a sheepish smile.
"I never did, but I've fantasized about it enough."
"What?" Even more delighted, if possible, he leans toward her. "Oh, Beckett. Tell me all about it."
Kate gives him a look that says exactly how brazen he is for openly asking to hear his teenage fantasies, but she doesn't sound bothered by it, in fact, she looks away and keeps that slightly shy and embarrassed expression.
"Right. When I was fifteen, there was this boy, Joe. He had this whole thing of bad boy, leather jacket, cool, nonchalant vibe. I just… I thought he was super attractive, Castle. And well, growing up I wasn't the prettiest girl, I had pimples, and I had braces and I was still finding my style in clothes, you know?"
As he hears from her, he thinks he can see the image of the young Beckett going through puberty perfectly. He thinks she should look adorable.
"I was as full of insecurities as any girl, and Joe, he asked me out for a milkshake once. It was going to be on the weekend, but it just so happened to be the exact date we were coming here. I was so mad at Mom for her not let me stay in Manhattan, Castle. You have no idea." She laughs at the memory. "As soon as I got here, I just threw my backpack on the bed and ran here. It was dirty and dusty and after I cleaned everything up, I locked myself in the house all day. I wept with rage, disappointment and the death of all my expectations."
"Am I sensing we're getting to the fantasy part?" he urges, excited.
"Yes. Well, I was so taken with him, Castle. I never thought he'd look at me, you know? But then he does and my mother screws up." As she approaches whatever it is, he notices how her cheekbones start to flush. And again, it's so adorable. "I spent the weekend imagining a scenario where he would show up here out of nowhere, and then kiss me. We could have a picnic, and he could pick me hydrangeas, and then he would kiss me again and again. It was ridiculous."
"No, it's naturally sweet." She has a smile on her face.
"Turns out boys that age don't see it that way, Castle. Anyway, I didn't just imagine it. I was sure we'd still make out inside the house. I imagined absurd details too."
"That definitely piqued more of my interest."
"Yes, go on dreaming that I'll tell you."
"You can't blame a man for trying."
"Yeah, I don't think so."
They spend at least two hours there, talking more and cleaning up the place, and if he thought he couldn't be more fascinated by Kate Beckett, he was so wrong. In the late afternoon, when they are hungry again, Rick suggests sandwiches and juice by the lake she mentioned, and then they go home to prepare before heading to see this other special place for Kate. The sun is about to set at this point.
It has a small dock, where the two sit barefoot and wet their feet while they eat. Largely silent, just enjoying each other's company. It's so comfortable, because now Rick feels like he's known Kate Beckett for years instead of three months.
When they enter it is already dark. He's the one making dinner and she's staring at him, like when he was writing earlier. He decides to prepare a gnocchi with bolognese sauce, with tomato, cheese and basil, and he can't help but feel extremely satisfied when he sees the sealed bottle of merlot in the fridge.
Cleopatra from The Lumineers is playing on the sound system she's turned on in the living room, and they're having a glass of wine beforehand and while waiting for dinner and it's a good day. Much more than Rick would ever think.
Alexis calls, and Kate offers to check on dinner while he answers.
"Pumpkin, hey," he hails happily.
"Hello Daddy." The girl answers. "How's your date with Detective Beckett inland?"
Rick isn't seeing her, but he can see those red brows rising in equal parts curiosity and teasing.
"How are you and James doing?" He returns in kind.
"It's not fair like that. Are you always going to use it against me?"
"That depends, are you always going to mention my intentions with Kate in every conversation?"
"If you go inland to her family home, then yes."
"Fair." He sighs. "How are you sweetie?"
"I'm fine. School is driving me crazy." And then she adds. "Grandma too, she keeps repeating her piano performance."
"At times like this I'm extremely glad I'm not home."
"Yes, I don't doubt it." Alexis says. "But seriously dad, how's it going there?"
There is a pause. He thinks about how to describe it. "It's good, Alexis. She's amazing."
"Guess all your expectations from the beginning weren't dashed then, huh?" she says, recalling the nearly hysterical version of her dad looking for the pretty woman at the launch party. "Are you really going to make her a Wilder saga character?"
"Actually Pumpkin, I was thinking of creating her own saga?"
"Oh. Is this serious?"
"Yes. Do you think it's too much?"
"Well, maybe. But it's not like I'm going to be able to get that out of your head." The voice of experience says over the phone. "But Black Pawn closed out two more books in the saga with you, right?"
"Yes, I'm working on it. I have one in the pipeline and I already have an idea of how the other one will be. So I can launch the Saga based on Kate."
"Kate, I see you've kept things on a first name basis, haven't you?"
"Alexis."
"Okay. Okay. I stopped. Have you had dinner yet?"
"We're going to dinner now actually."
"Okay. That's good."
"Miss you, Pumpkin."
"Me too. Now go eat dinner. Take care, Dad."
"You too. I love you."
"I love you too."
When he returns, the table is set and food is ready. And the sound for some is not playing anymore.
"Is she fine?" Kate asks, taking his attention, she is holding an almost empty glass of merlot.
"Oh yes. She's more responsible and careful than the two of us put together."
"I wonder where that came from. From the mother, perhaps?"
"Meredith? Oh no. Believe me, that one is less responsible than I am. Well, for anything but work."
"You said she's an actress, didn't you?"
"Actress, eccentric, a little crazy… all the details become synonymous over time."
He sees her roll her eyes.
Then they have dinner.
It's just past 1 am.
They've huddled together to watch and drink tea after bath, and Castle is asleep on the arm of the sofa, and while she's tired and thinks she should wake him up to go to his bed, she enjoys watching him sleep too.
Being here, in her dad's cabin, where she's had the most incredible, revolting moments since she was a kid, brings a strange kind of nostalgia. She's never been here alone before, it's always been her and her mom and dad. And when her dad called saying she had something at the company he couldn't put off, she knew she couldn't be here alone.
And Rick? He's fun, kind and human. He sounded like the right company to be here and not let her sink into the sea of sadness that would be. And well, she won't admit it out loud either, but she's missed him this past week without any contact. It's like him being here, or in the precinct, side to her, is the new normal. One she doesn't want to give up.
But on nights like now, when he's here, sharing the couch with her and it's late at night, and he's spent the breaks in the movie giving her the same indiscreet eyes as the other night when they almost kissed, and that feeling in the pit of her stomach makes her feel slightly drunk and enchanted, she wants more. This is all a lot, but at the same time it seems scarce, as if it has the potential to be much greater.
But like anything that has the capacity to grow and be profound, it also has a high probability of failure if you don't do it right. And Kate isn't very good at it.
"Early morning reflections, Beckett?"
She gets scared, but it passes quickly. "Just thinking. I was about to wake you up so we could go upstairs."
"Expecting to share a bed with me, are you?" Rick Castle's sleepy vision is somehow even sexier. "I always knew you had such underhanded plans when you invited me into the woods with you, Detective Beckett."
She wants to roll her eyes and laugh, and she does, but she can't help her cheeks blushing slightly as well.
"Looks like you dreamed a lot while sleeping on my sofa, Castle."
"True indeed." He nods, making himself comfortable on the couch. Looking sore having stayed in the same position for too long. "I dreamed about our almost kiss the other night. Only in the dream it wasn't an almost."
She swallows. She hadn't expected him to be so open about it. Also, had the whole conversation before that. The thing about him saying she can't be completely honest with him, and him worrying, and him asking why it bothers her that he cares. They never got back to that conversation.
"Big dreams you have there, Big Rick."
He smiles, but it's not as genuine as that.
"What happened that day, Kate" Rick tries, he sounds wary. "You, uh–, looked pretty shaken up. Are you okay now?"
She is surprised. Of everything that happened that day, he was going to address the fact that she looked broken and sad, not the fact that she'd almost kissed him and then backed out the next day.
"Do you remember when you told me you didn't marry Gina because you kept attributing Meredith's mistakes on her?" Kate asks, in a sort of attempt to make him understand. He nods, half stunned. "It so happens that, that day, I was surprised by a situation, quite common in fact, and I attributed it to unresolved conflicts for me in the past."
"Love conflicts?" The question is immediate.
"No, Rick." She offers. "It's mostly about my dad."
With an arch of his brows, he analyzes what he's been told. "But are you better now?"
"I think so." The answer is accompanied by a nod, like a complete. "I just thought I had already dealt with it."
He hums like he knows exactly what she means. She doesn't doubt that he does.
"Kate, there's something I want to tell you."
With a frown, she lets him know she's been following along. "Okay?"
He narrows his eyes, and moves on the couch again. Like he's nervous, which in turn makes her nervous too.
"That day, when I came after you and offered my company, I didn't—" Rick sucks in a breath, then lets it out. He seems to need courage to move on. "I wasn't–, I didn't have in mind, you know, any ulterior motives."
It makes sense then. He means he wasn't planning on the invading her physical personal space thing, he wasn't planning on encircling her waist with those big warm hands or brushing his mouth against hers. He wants her to know that he was just happy with her company and didn't expect anything in return when she came over.
But she already knows that.
"You weren't well, and I overanalyzed the situation a few times and–" He takes another pause. "It seemed like I used the situation to get along. We were talking and then I was so close, and you didn't push me away, and anyway, I just… I'm sorry, Kate. I need you to know that it wasn't something I planned or used to my advantage."
She is grateful that he took the effort to clarify this.
Then she smiles.
"I know that, Rick." She lets him know. "And you didn't take advantage of me, I wanted to too."
"You did?"
Frowning, Kate also struggles to clarify.
"Castle, you didn't imagine anything. I wanted you too."
Silence fills the room for a full minute. Maybe it's less or more, but it feels like an eternity.
"Then why?"
"It is complicated."
"So we can't go on dates and it's not a good idea to mix the professional and the personal, but is it okay to go out in the country and spend a whole week together?"
She swallows hard but doesn't say anything.
"I just want to understand, Kate." He says. "Make me understand, please."
"What do you want me to say?"
"I don't know. Anything. Yes or no. Why. Why did you bring me here?"
"Because I missed you, Rick." There are no eye contacts here. The greens are avoiding the blues at all costs, looking for some other target in the dim room dimly lit by the TV light on. "And I know this all sounds contradictory and doesn't make sense, and trust me, I'm just as confused as you are, but I know this. I missed you."
His gaze, however, is on her. Pure and unshakable. She can feel it. She can always feel.
"Kate?"
Her throat has a lump. "Uh?"
"I just want to know I'm not creating things. You said you wanted to too. But I need to know where you stand now. Is all of this, us, here just a friendly thing? Friends traveling together?"
"I don't know what that is," Kate confesses, quietly, working up the courage to meet his eyes. "But I'm not completely closed off to the possibilities of what we have here." She adds, lifting her body off the upholstery. "Good night, Rick."
She runs up the stairs so fast she can barely register when she does. Her heart is beating really fast too, and loudly, so loudly that she thinks she has a chance he managed to hear her heartbeat while she was still in the room.
She throws herself on the bed knowing she's too restless to sleep.
She will think and think and think.
And he is the one who will star in everything.
A few hours later, after a long nap that has awakened a quenching thirst, the sleepy figure of Kate Beckett descends the stairs again and heads for the kitchen. It's dark outside, and if she has to kick it, it's not until 4am.
Kate can hear the crickets outside. And peeking out the window, she can see fireflies too. When she is climbing back up, she hears something. It's low and simple, but it sounds like Castle's voice. That makes her frown instantly. Because it looks like it comes from outside.
Discreetly, she walks over to check, only to notice the door ajar and Castle's stout figure sitting in the doorway.
"I know, pumpkin." She hears him say, over the phone. "I don't think I'd could sleep either, anyway. Oh, no, no. Nothing like that. Beckett and I are fine. I'm just awake."
She watches him for a while, unable to make her presence known but unable to leave him there alone either.
"I don't have anything to say." he says, clearly not very good at faking it. "That's not fair, and you know it. I'm not holding anything back, I just don't think everything needs to be said."
It attracted her. It makes her curious.
"You are a horrible daughter." he says, sounding completely horrified. But then, totally proud. "Okay. Okay. You win. Here goes: we almost kissed." A pause. "No, Alexis. Not today. Last Sunday. Yes, when James had the accident. Okay. Let's stop this here. And no, it's not because you helped me look for Kate on social media and then associated her to the 12th precinct that means you need updates."
There's another silence now, a longer one.
"Yes. I'm glad you called me." He confesses, raw and sincere. "I miss you too, darling. Did you drink your tea? Okay. Try to rest now. I love you."
After that, with the cell phone in hand, Rick observes the dark horizon, and takes a deep breath. It stays like this for some time before Kate decides to reveal herself.
She taps lightly on the wood, to announce her presence. He is startled, but recovers gracefully.
"Kate, hi." He says. "I woke you up?"
She shakes her head, and wraps her hands around her arms because it's freezing out here and she doesn't wearing the right clothes for it.
"No, I just felt thirsty. Are you okay?"
"Yes. Just no sleep. And Alexis too, so we talked for a while."
With a nod, she shows that she understands.
"Is this common? Like, insomnia being a thing for the two of you so you spend it together?"
"It's not that common, but it does happen. At first it was because of the fear of monsters under the bed." Rick counts.
Kate smiles at that. The image of a scared little red-haired girl crying out for her father to protect her.
"Did you tell her?" A little embarrassed, she asks anyway. "About, uh-, us?"
"You heard?" He doesn't look angry, just surprised. But he shrugs when she nods again. "I'm a transparent person Kate. She just notices and asks questions. And if I refuse to answer she says she's going to start hiding things from me too." Rick counts. "It's just that we've always had each other, you know? So we're used to sharing."
"You don't need to justify yourself, really. It's just that everyone paints this picture of you as a womanizing bad boy, and I can't imagine you having this conversation with Alexis."
"Yes, my apparent marketing consultant thought this persona would make me sell more." He shrugs. "Obviously I don't tell Alexis about my one-night stands, but when it's something more, she just knows."
The nocturnal noises of nature fill the silence that settles between them and the implications of what was said.
Then Kate shivers again, from the cold, and yawns. "You should sleep, Castle. We'll get up early tomorrow, go for a run and then swim in the lake."
This makes him raise his eyebrows. "Run and swim, huh? Does this mean I finally get to see you in a bathing suit?"
She rolls her eyes. "That depends, can you stay awake to see anything? It's almost 5 am, writer boy."
"You'd be surprised how I can force myself to function when it comes to the things I really want."
Another eye roll.
"Sleep well, Castle."
Kate goes upstairs again, getting the feeling that she is part of these "things" he really wants.
And she decides that she really likes the sound of that.