hey, guys!
I know it seems like I always have an excuse for not updating weekly, and it seems like I update every two/three weeks, but I swear something always happens or I just can't write.
Half of this chapter is already done since I posted the last chapter, but I ended up needing to go to another city to help my aunt with something and I simply didn't have time to continue, and when I did, I simply couldn't write.
the ending isn't exactly what I had planned for this chapter, but it's still a good chapter. Hope you like it. I will update soon. until then.
Good read, and xoxos
lehh
"James asked Alexis out!"
His desperate voice says as soon as she answers the call. She smile.
"And good night to you too, Castle."
"Goodnight?" Rick asks exasperatedly. "This is serious, Beckett. My baby is going on her first date. That's just the first step. After that there's the first kiss at the end of the date, before long she'll have a boyfriend. Maybe more than one until she gets to college, So she's going to move out. And she's going to get married and have kids and just leave."
Patiently, she lets him get it all out. Personally it all seems like a big drama, but she's never been a mother before, so she couldn't say. She finishes filling her wine glass and walks over to sit on the couch.
This is a quiet night, with nothing to do. She's already done the laundry and vacuumed the place, and luckily she doesn't have any dishes in the sink, so her plan was to just relax and he called.
Kate remembers the first time they had dinner together and she saw a bit of panic in his eyes as he asked what fourteen year old girls could know about life, it's kind of implied that pretty much nothing. This is exactly when they start to have some experience to learn from. But Kate doesn't think that will help Rick now.
"Just leave?" She repeats, maybe a little humor will dissolve the surface of it. "That seems a little dramatic, even for you."
"Yes, try having a 14-year-old daughter who goes on dates and you'll realize nothing can be that dramatic."
She snorts. "You are right." She confesses, and takes a sip of the wine. "But I think it would take a while to get there."
"You'd be surprised how quickly time passes." Rick tells her. It's a father's daydream, and she's heard it before, but when he says it, she creates images of different stages of a little red-haired girl with her father, from the time she was born until now, being in high school.
"Remind me to make the most of it when it's my turn, then." The comment comes automatically, and then she realizes that she's really betting that Rick will be around long-term physically.
She thinks he notices it too, because she can swear she has a smile on his mouth by the way he says, "I will."
"Good."
There is a moment of stillness on the line. A moment where neither of them says anything, but they are there, you can feel that you are not alone. This is one of the things that Kate likes most about him, the cozy company, these super comfortable moments that exist and happen out of nowhere.
And none of them try to fill the silence for several moments. Until his habit of being a talker interfered.
"How were your last few days, Beckett?"
She knew he was going to ask. Rick couldn't be her shadow the last two days because he had meetings with Black Pawn. Apparently, although his writing process is unconventional, his new book is already in the production process.
"I was much more efficient without you to distract me at work." Kate offers, raising her eyebrows and taking another sip of her wine.
"Haha, very funny" He scoffs. "And that might be true, but I bet you didn't have as much fun as you would have if I was there."
Kate doesn't deny this. "What about you? Was Black Pawn as much fun as chasing killers?"
"When you put it like that, my job seems really boring" There's a noise she can't make out on the line, but then the noise settles down and everything goes back to normal. "It was all pretty ordinary. I wanted to show you the cover options for the next book, but I bet that wouldn't equate to building murder theories together."
"Your work is very important, Castle" She states, just because, that is an absolute truth for her. "Maybe the process isn't all that exciting, but the result certainly is."
"This is coming from your fangirl side, isn't it?" The question is asked full of excitement. He loves that she appreciates her writing firsthand.
She takes the bottle of wine and pours more for herself.
"Don't get all cocky." A moment later, curled up on the couch in a new position, she says something to him. "Now, I have to say, I'm quite curious to know how you used your time with me to write this book."
"Ah, yes… about that."
This raises red flags.
"What do you mean 'about that?', Rick? I thought you were following this as research for your books?"
"Is correct." He guarantees. But then he adds: "There was just a change of plans."
"What would it be?"
"I will no longer create a character of yours in Wilder's stories, as I initially intended."
"Oh." She squints her eyes, and takes the glass to the coffee table, trying to figure out what it means and why it had an instant effect on getting to her and making her feel suddenly sick. "I see."
"I know it wasn't in the plans, you know?" Rick says, it's rhetorical. "I spoke to Alexis about this. I'm working on the last book in the Wider Saga, finally, because I had two more books in the Saga in my contract with Black Pawn. But when it's finished, I'll be able to write whatever I want, and I, my dear detective , I want to write about you."
Kate frowns. The unpleasant feeling being replaced by some expectation bubbling to the surface.
"What does that mean, Castle?"
"How's so?" He asks, as if he's impressed that she doesn't understand. It's just that she needs to hear it in every word. "It means I'm going to write an entire saga based on you, and only you."
So is that really it? Isn't she mistaken? Wow.
Will she star in the next Richard Castle saga? Doesn't that seem a little unrealistic? Kate thinks that she stays too long submerged in the surprise of this, and that the silence is mistaken by Castle as a bad sign.
"Kate? Are you still there?" His voice suddenly sounds unsure. "Look, if this is something you're not comfortable with we can-"
"I'm fine with that, Castle." She stops him. "I really am. I was just processing it. This is fantastic."
"I know! Isn't it great? I have the entire first plot in my head. In fact, I already have the introduction to his writing. But I took a break to focus on Wilder or I would end up not finishing it."
"And can I ask for any spoilers?"
"Using your friendship with the writer to get spoilers, Beckett? Shame on you." Rick jokes.
"The writer uses my work to draw inspiration from his." She argues.
"You're not wrong, but my inspiration for writing is you, not the murders."
She finds herself smiling at this.
"But the murders don't hurt, I suppose?"
He laughs. "No. But can you just be flattered to be my muse instead of ruining the moment with the mention of dead bodies?"
Kate don't miss the way a chill bubbles in her stomach and her heart pumps a little faster. And she smiles again. The word muse repeating itself several times in her head.
"Aren't you the master of the macabre, Castle?"
"Fine." He sighs. "You won."
"I always do, Writer boy."
"We're back to that, huh?"
"Sounds like we are."
She resists pointing out that she had said he would need to prove again — definitively next time — that he was the writer man rather than the writer boy.
Kate knows that the moment she suggests this, he'll be at her door.
Not yet.
With another silence on the line, this one a little more unsettling than the last, she yawns.
"Good night, Rick."
She hears his breathing. "Good night, Kate." There is a pause. "I missed you."
She knows. She felt it too. And then she hangs up.
Kate is so tired.
It's lunch time, and all she has is paperwork to do. Contrary to what Rick said in the first case they solved, there's no way he sticks around for paperwork.
He went off to do god-knows-what, and Ryan and Espo took another case. She decides she doesn't mind skipping lunch if she's going to be able to finish it all soon.
What surprises her, however, is the teenage figure who is also her partner's daughter entering at the precinct.
"Alexis?"
The girl searches for the sound of her voice, and then smiles when she finds it. "Kate, hello."
She approaches, looking shy.
"Hey. What a nice surprise." Kate says. "Is everything okay?"
Alexis nods. "I'm good, yeah, thanks"
"Do you want to sit down?" Kate indicates Castle's chair that is attached to her desk.
Alexis looks at the chair, takes a deep breath and then sits down.
"Sorry to come to your work. This is like, super weird isn't it?" She's nervous, and she's talking very fast. She doesn't even give Kate a chance to respond. "Well, I wanted to ask you something, but I also think it's super weird because we're not close. I mean, you're close to my dad, and everything. But it's kind of weird to ask you something like that, isn't it?"
"Okay" Kate looks at her and smiles. "Breathe, Alexis. I don't bite. What do you need?"
She nods, and takes another deep breath.
"Okay. fine. It's just… I have this date and I don't have the right clothes to wear. Grandma's out of town at some wellness retreat and Dad just doesn't help at all when we go shopping. He says everything looks good on me." Alexis explains, still saying one thing after another. "I just… I love your style, and I think you have impeccable taste in clothes so I thought if you don't have any dead bodies to investigate today, which I imagine you don't because Dad isn't here, so… Would you mind helping me choose what to wear?"
Kate is positively surprised by Alexis' request. Very flattered too. The truth is, she wouldn't say no to that, no matter how poorly she slept or how tired she is, but also, when Alexis does that thing with her eyes and looks like a cute baby begging you for something, she wouldn't even stand a chance.
"Course, Alexis, I would love."
"Really?"
"Yes. But I still need to finish the paperwork, which should happen in an hour or two. Do you have anything to do or do you want to wait for me?"
"What if I helped you?"
"The papers mostly need my signature, so unless you're very good at forging signatures you couldn't." Kate says it jokingly, but from Alexis' expression she seems to be taking it seriously.
"Give me a paper and let me see your signature?"
Kate is simply stunned when Alexis reproduces the exact same handwriting pattern and signature as hers. "How...?"
"Ah, Dad went on tour once and forgot to sign me a check for a trip the school asked for. Then when he called me he just told me where the checkbook was and I did it."
"You realize you shouldn't be telling this to a cop, right?"
"But you're not just any cop, you're a really cool cop." Raising her eyebrows, Alexis says. "Besides, you must be hungry, so we need to finish this soon."
Kate stares at her, her expression asking how Alexis could know this.
Alexis shrugs. "Dad says you skip meals when he's not around."
She flinches a little, feeling strangely defensive knowing that Alexis knows this about her.
About forty minutes later, everything is ready and they are free to leave. Kate leaves the papers with Montgomery and he pretends he doesn't know that Little Castle helped her. They smile and silently thank you.
"So, this date? Do you know where you're going?" Kate asks when they are in the car.
"I think we'll see a movie and then go out to dinner. But I'm not sure. James is being all mysterious."
While driving, Kate thinks about the innocence of their first meeting and it brings a smile to her mouth. "Do you like that?"
"I like him." The girl shrugs. "I don't care where we go. But I'm going with him, which gives me all these butterflies. It's irritating and amazing."
Kate nods. She understands this.
"Do you already have a store in mind?"
Alexis insists that they go to the mall and Kate discovers that it is simply the girl's Machiavellian plan to make her eat something before shopping. They talk the whole time, Alexis talks about school, the careers she thinks about following, James, the voluntary exchange in London that the school is promoting and how wonderful it is to choose clothes with someone who really tells her the truth and doesn't even prefers leopard prints. Kate laughs most of the time.
They go to two stores that they simply dismiss at first glance. And so when Alexis starts finding some promising pieces and trying them on, she insists that Kate try some on too.
Kate talks about her high school education. She talks about the first guy she went out with, talks about volunteering at her own school at the time, and how she spent that time in Russia. Alexis thinks it's amazing when she hears Kate pronounce some phrases in Russian.
"You're incredible" The girl says to Kate, in a particularly genuine and spontaneous laugh.
"It's not that hard, I promise."
"No, I mean, it's amazing that you know the language too. But I'm saying all you." Alexis confides. "I'm so glad I met you, Kate."
The warm feeling that fills her is just unexpected. They finish shopping about three hours after leaving the station and when Kate drops her off in front of her building, Alexis insists that she go up to the loft and stay for dinner.
"Hi dad"
Rick is on the couch reading Peterson when he hears Alexis coming into the house. He looks up to smile and greet his daughter.
"Hey, pumpkin." And then, behind her, he sees Kate.
Then he blinks again to make sure he didn't see wrong.
"Hello, Castle." The beautiful glimpse he sees greets him. So he knows it's real.
"Kate" He says, putting down the book and getting up from the couch. "Hi. I didn't know you were coming. A body has appeared and you need my essential advice, is that it?"
She rolls her eyes, but Alexis answers for her. "Of course not. Duuh. She's having dinner with us. I'll put the shopping upstairs and be right back down."
Alexis runs up the stairs so fast he barely registers it.
He's a little confused about how Kate appeared out of nowhere, not because he's not happy about it, he just doesn't think it's her style.
And she must see the confusion in his expression, because she explains.
"She showed up at the police station earlier and asked me for help shopping." Kate says, and shrugs, looking a little shy. "We spent the afternoon together, and when I was leaving her here she invited me to dinner. I hope you don't mind?"
"No." Rick says, immediately. Having been enlightened, he is a little surprised now. "Of course not. It's good that you came. Please sit down. I'll get you a glass of wine."
Half an hour later, he, Kate and Alexis are sitting on the couch, waiting for the food to arrive and choosing what they're going to watch.
"I thought your date was today, Alexis." Kate comments, because she really does.
"Oh, no. It's tomorrow. James and Louise's grandparents came to town, so they need to pay attention or something." She says, shrugging her shoulders. "And Dad's been making a lot of drama, so I promised to have dinner with him today."
"I don't do drama." Rick assures, sounding horrified by his daughter's speech.
Kate and Alexis give him a look.
He ignores it.
"Anyway. I think we should marathon all the mission: impossible movies."
"Actually, it sounds great to me." Kate agrees. "Although I need to go home soon, so I won't be able to do a marathon, really."
"You can always come back so we can watch it together," Alexis suggests, and when the doorbell rings, she offers to get dinner.
"She's right, you know" He tells Kate. "We can just take a break from the movies and then we set a date when you can stay longer and we resume the marathon."
Kate shakes her head. "No. No problem. You can watch without me."
"We know, but Alexis invited you, and I always love getting to see you, Kate," Rick confesses, a little too quietly. "It would be cool if you participated in our marathons once in a while. That is, if you want too, of course."
He thinks she is probing the situation, and gets a little scared. He's afraid of making her feel uncomfortable, like he's pressuring her to create a family show when they're not even a couple. He's afraid of messing up before he starts.
"I'd love to, Rick." She lets him know, and he smiles instantly.
"Who's hungry?"
They ate Chinese. And they watched at least two movies before Kate checked the time on her phone and yawned, Rick thinks she would say it was her time.
But Alexis spoke up before her.
"I'm going up. It's mid-week and I have class in the morning." She says, rising from her father's shoulder where she was propped up, almost falling asleep. "Good night dad." She says, and gives him a kiss.
Rick smiles, and then it's Kate's turn.
"Goodnight, Kate" Alexis gives a sleepy smile, and rubs her eyes like a seven year old girl waiting to be put to bed. Then she leans in and offers the same treatment to Kate, a kiss right on the cheek. "Thank you for today. I hope you come home more often."
When the girl disappears up the stairs, the film's credits are still running.
"A remarkable girl you have there"
"It's true, isn't it?" He brags a little.
Kate nods and keeps the smile that's been on her mouth since she was kissed goodnight.
"I should go too. It's late." It increases.
"Yes," Rick says, but it doesn't sound like he agrees. "You're right. Except, I can't help but think that I wish I could kiss you goodnight too."
In himself, he is trying hard to be cautious, he doesn't want to go beyond the limit she has set, but he doesn't know exactly how far it go. But, damm, he wants her. He wants her so much. He misses the days he shared with her at the cabin, when they went to sleep and woke up and the other was still there, when they spent the day together and made plans to entertain themselves.
And kiss her. God, he's only kissed her once and he still dreams about it all the time. With her smell, with the softness of her lips, with the feeling of having her so close and kissing him back as intensely as he did.
"Rick" She murmurs, and slides her tongue across her lips. His stomach bubbles with anticipation. "You're not giving me another kiss tonight." She informs him, but before he has a chance to deflate, Kate continues. "Our first official kiss will be at the end of our first date."
"First kiss?" He sounds confused because he is.
"Yes" She nods. "The one on the precinth doesn't count. It was just a guarantee."
"Just a guarantee?"
His heart is beating really fast because it looks like she's saying she's finally going to let him take her to dinner. Like on a date. Her heart is exploding with a thousand expectations.
"Stop repeating everything I say. You're not a parrot."
"Kate"
"Yes?"
"Are you saying you're ready to go on a date with me?"
She looks embarrassed. Her cheeks are red.
"I'm saying I'm ready to try."
He smiles, big and wide.
"Kate"
"Yes?"
"I'm going to give you another kiss before our first official kiss, okay?"
Deep down, he knows she would be okay with it because she seems just as mesmerized as he is. Her eyes are on his mouth, and she seems to want it so bad.
She nods, slowly and almost imperceptibly.
Rick moves on the sofa, where they are still sitting and the TV has a frozen black screen with the name of the film's director, he comes closer, leans in and stops just as their lips meet. He inhales it.
Cherries, vanilla and rain.
"Petricor," Rick murmurs, softly, into her mouth. And then he starts moving and kisses her for real. It's not as desperate as last time, but it has the same feeling he remembers. Her tongue on his is pure euphoria, she lets him explore, and she explores back when she gets the chance. The kiss is not a fight between tongues, it is a harmonious dance enhanced by the predominant dopamine.
He cups one of her cheeks with his hand, and his other hand slides to the back of her neck, where he holds her close and touches her to make sure it's not a dream or a mirage of a man in the desert.
She tries to wrap her arms around him and hold him too, as if he were some kind of anchor. They kiss for what seems like ages.
And even when they stop kissing, neither of them pulls away or opens their eyes, both desperate to prolong this moment.
When he does — opens his eyes, she's already looking at him.
What he sees there, in the green iris, makes him frown.
As if the kiss had somehow opened a door to her complete vulnerability.
Kate takes a deep breath, and he expects her to say something, but she doesn't. She doesn't say nothing for a long time.
"My nightmares" Slowly, she confesses. "Like the other night, it, uh- well, came back more often."
Thinking about her suffering like that night breaks his heart. the feelings in his chest are a mess.
"Do you want to talk about what they are?
"No," she is immediate in her response. "No, I just… want them to stop."
"Have you consulted about this? Maybe take some sleeping pills?"
She denies it.
"I can't.This kind of pill makes you completely black out and the precinct can call me at any time." Another deep breath. "It's not practical."
He nods, because it doesn't really suit her job. Then he says what comes to his mind next.
"Can I do something for you?'
"Rick" Kate looks different from the one he knew. She looks open, vulnerable and scared. He wonders what she did to be worthy of her trusting this part of herself to him. "Do you… think I could uh, sleep with you?"
Rick is lying in bed when Kate turns off the bathroom light and enters the room. She is wearing one of his shirts that covers half of her thighs, like a dress. Now, under the warm light of the bedside lamp and without makeup, he notices that there are dark circles forming right under her eyes.
He can tell that it took a lot for her to ask him this, to stay, to share his bed. They never talk about their last night at the cabin. She never mentioned what she dreamed about, and neither did he about how she held her and they cuddled.
And they kissed and are going somewhere.
She said she is ready to go on a date with him.
"Can I ask you something?" When he says it, she's already slipped into bed, and they're side by side staring at the ceiling and it's all weird, but it's still all over his head.
"What?"
"What has changed?"
"How's so?" Kate asks.
"You kind of kept me away for a while. Did something happen for you to uh, give me a chance?"
Rick is lying on his side, looking at her, as she stares at the ceiling. But then she turns to him too.
She looks at him in a way he can't understand.
"You're important to me, Rick" It's almost a whisper. "I like you, but what you mean to me came first. If we try something that doesn't work out, I'll kind of ruin something that was a connection between my mom and me. It still is, actually."
He frowns but says nothing. She looks like she still has more to say.
"Your writing still makes me feel close to her." It's so low, that if he weren't so close he wouldn't be able to hear it. "It's the only thing that makes me feel like she's with me, in some way."
The absorption of the information she confided in him is quick. Rick has always known about the impact of words, he is a writer after all, just the connection that certain interests can create is simply unique.
Times like this, he can realize how rewarding his work is. How it has the power to affect people's lives.
He loves the idea of being able to provide some comfort to Kate, even when he doesn't intend to.
"I really wish I had met her" Rick finds himself confessing.
Kate smiles shyly.
"Yes, well" a pause. "I think she would invite you to dinner and prepare a thousand and one dishes, and then spend the next few hours telling you how captivating and satisfyingly detailed her writing is."
"Is it safe to say I would have her approval, then?"
He pays attention as she nods.
"I dreamed about it."
"Uhm?"
"I dreamed about her telling me to give you a chance."
"That's what…"
"If that's what changed?" She completes and shrugs. "Sort of. I think it gave the final push, yes. And I… I don't know. Me and Alexis today? It was unexpected, but so natural and fun, Castle. I just… got tired of waiting to find out if it was worth it."
It makes him smile. He is so enchanted by her. And he thinks she notices because her cheeks are kissed with a lovely shy red.
"Thank you for telling me, Kate" His voice, slightly altered by imminent sleep fills the room. "I promise to try hard every day to show you that we will worth it." He adds. "Thanks for what you did for Alexis too. She's a good girl. I hate that her mom isn't interested enough to be here."
Kate nods and yawns.
"Good evening, Rick." She says. "Thank you for letting me stay."
He watches her roll over and fall asleep.
He knows they still don't have anything, but he can't help but feel very lucky, if at all.