First of all: I'm so sorry!
It's been almost months since the last update and I'm aware of how frustrating it can be to start getting involved with writing and a specific story and having to wonder if there will be an ending to it.
In my defense, I've been trying to update since Thanksgiving and the FanFiction app crashed because I couldn't do it at all.
I can't save the chapter file in the application, it's saying something like "request failed", and I even managed to bring the document to save, but I simply can't keep the divider between the chapter paragraphs, so this chapter can become a little confusing.
Anyway, I'm really sorry. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter.
Good reading!
lehh
He looks up, staring at himself against the reflection, his hands are sweating, his heart is beating fast and God, he's so nervous.
He can hardly believe it.
He's going on a date with Kate Beckett.
Rick had spent the last few months yearning for this, with each day he spent with her around, his desire only intensified, created a little more solid foundation and changed what he thought he wanted from her.
"Dad?" Her sweet, very excited daughter's voice wakes him up, and when he looks at her, he realizes that he's smiling so much that his jaw is sore. "Wow. You look handsome."
"You think?" He can't help but ask, and he can't help but sound so anxious.
"Yeah. Kate will think you're cute and passionate, so she'll sleep here again and I'll see her at the breakfast." Alexis celebrates with a smile like someone who is almost as full of expectations as he is.
"Pumpkin, I uh- I know you've been in on the timeline of all the events, and of course, you seem as enchanted by her as I am, but I have to ask… are you" He pauses, and swallows hard. "Are you okay about this? About me and Beckett…becoming something?"
The redheaded teenage form moves closer to him, standing face to face, and lifting her feet to fix the collar of the star-spangled blue button-down shirt he's wearing.
"I like her, dad." The answer comes. "I would love for her to stick around long term."
"Good." He says. Then smiling again, he adds. "Me too. Me too."
Alexis moves away.
"Okay, now go. You know it's not polite to keep a woman waiting."
"You are so smart" He says. "Must be the daughter of some genius." She raises her eyebrows and narrows her eyes at him. Rick ignores it. "Oh yes. You kind of are."
Alexis adheres to a habit of Kate.
She rolls her eyes at him too.
Rick is sweating.
His heart is pumping a third more than normal and his hand seems to be shaking a little over the well-managed posy bouquet among tulips and daisies and lavender, and that's ridiculous because he's Richard Castle and he doesn't get nervous. He's good with women, he's smart, handsome and funny and he definitely doesn't need to be nervous.
But he is.
The way from the building's elevator to her door passes so slowly that it's almost torture. Maybe his steps are too short or something, but no matter how much he tries to hurry, it's not enough.
Two knocks on the door later, he can hear the constant sharp sound of a high heel moving inside, and if his heart was already beating really fast before, imagine how fast it is now.
He swallows hard, and takes a deep breath to prepare himself.
Kate opens the door.
An exquisite and remarkable Kate opens the door
And suddenly he just can't breathe anymore. His throat is dry now too, and green and gold eyes lined with eyeliner stare at him so intensely he thinks he's going to die. Such a delightful death. He would like to die looking at her. To have a few pure moments of joy and mercy before falling into inevitable oblivion.
She is wearing a long, plain sapphire purple dress with a v-neckline, and covered in tulle along the skirt. And it is… breathtaking, literally. The only apparent accessory is a pair of silver earrings that leave a small lilac stone hanging just below the ear. And he must spend
too much time absorbing the details because she makes a sound in her throat to get his attention.
"You look stunning" Rick says, before saying hi.
Kate smiles, and blushes. "Thanks. Are these for me?" She points to the flowers.
"Yes. That." He blinks a little excessively, trying to wake up from his deep daze that makes him lose speech and attention to anything other than looking at her. Rick holds out the flowers to her. "Here.".
She reaches out for the bouquet and steps back into the door. "No need to stay out there." She casually offers him an opening to enter. "I'll just put it in a vase of water so it doesn't wilt."
Taking her cue, he walks a few steps and pulls the door behind him. "They're so beautiful," Rick hears her say, about the flowers. "Thanks, Rick. Really."
This makes him smile widely, puffing out his chest, quite satisfied with having chosen something she liked.
On the other side, she rolls her eyes, probably because she noticed. He wonders if she noticed that he didn't take his eyes off her either. The sexy form hugged by her dress makes for quite a sight, and he is by no means immune.
"Well, I'm ready." Kate says when she returns to the room. She bends over to pick up a bag. "My requested change of clothes" she justifies, indicating the door, as if saying they can go.
"Very well, Detective." She looks on positively, reaching out to grab her bag. "However, you are forgetting a crucial pre-date point."
She arches her eyebrows. "Right." After a pause, she asks. "What would that be?"
"A hello kiss, of course."
"Castle, I said I don't have sex on the first date, what makes you think I'm going to kiss you before one?"
He narrows his eyes, about to make a frustrated, childish pout.
She laughs.
"Think about what it will be like to look forward to this all night." Kate approaches him closely, her lips reaching his ear. "Just like you made me yearn for you all day."
Rick groans in frustration.
"You are cruel, Beckett."
"No, Castle. We just have different strategies to make someone desire us more deeply, now let's go."
She goes ahead.
He follows her.
Their entrance is greeted by the warm, modern architecture of Mēdüzā Mediterrania. The foliage of the plants adorning the space offers a very pleasant touch. Kate couldn't stop her eyes from exploring and admiring the place.
She's delighted, and on top of that, there's a consistent chill lodged in her belly. In herself, she suspects it has more to do who she's with than the place.
Kate offers a barely-there sound of appreciation as they head to reception. Rick is out front now, offering a unique look at how well he can pull off a Tom Ford and how the outfit looks like it was custom-made. When she thinks about it, maybe it really is.
"Hello, welcome." A bright-eyed brunette woman with a name tag reading Sarah greets them. "How can I help you?"
"Good evening, Miss." Rick returns the greeting. "I booked a table for two tonight."
"In what name, sir?"
"Rodgers. Richard Rodgers."
Kate frowns, definitely surprised, but observes Sarah who, with a few clicks on the computer keyboard, raises even brighter eyes, accompanied by a smile and responds:
"Of course sir. Vincent will lead you to his table. Enjoy the night."
"Thank you." Rick and Kate say it in unison, a third lower than their usual tone of voice, almost as if they had rehearsed it.
Vincent has the appearance of an Italian, he is kind and friendly, and takes them to the reserved table, being the best at doing his job.
"This place is wonderful." She mutters, addressing Castle.
He nods. "I know, right? Wait until you taste the food."
She silently wonders who besides her he has brought to this place. She doesn't need to wonder for long.
"I brought Mom and Alexis here for her birthday. They love this place."
Kate is pleased to know it was just family and no other women. "May I ask why Rodgers?"
"I use my birth last name when I want to avoid media attention. Usually only in family situations, but I assumed you would want privacy on our first date, right?"
Her heart warms knowing how attentive he was, even in this detail.
"Thank you, Castle."
He gives a genuine, gracious smile.
The menu arrives, and they take a few moments to choose from so many delicious options. After choosing the starter, wine and main course, they have time to interact again, nervousness still being a thing.
Which is ridiculous. They know each other, don't they?
He spent a week with her in her father's cabin. They know a lot about each other. He knows her mother died, he knows about her nightmares and about some embarrassing stories from her teenage years, that's more than she tells most people.
"A coin for your thoughts?" His thick eyebrows rise at the question. It looks good on him.
"I'm telling myself there is no reason to be nervous. We know each other, right?"
Rick nods. But his expression somehow shows that he understands. She knows he's a little nervous too. "We do. But still. I think first dates are overrated."
"They are." Kate agrees. "But they have reason to be. They usually determine your first impression. Whether there will be a next date or not, or more."
"Usually, yes" He repeats the word. "But it's not like that with us, is it?"
"What is this, Rick?" It's her turn to arch her eyebrows, a familiar teasing sound leaking into her tone. "Are you fishing for my answer about a possible future date?"
"If I were… would your answer be positive?"
Kate wants to smile, stupid and apparent, but she controls herself. Instead, she bites her lower lip, and looks into his deep blue eyes that seem to see into his soul.
Before she has the chance to respond, however, they are pulled from their bubble by the waiter bringing the requested wine.
They thank her, and she has the full glass in her hands when Rick stops her from bringing it to her mouth.
"Kate, think if your answer is positive, we can toast the first of many dates."
"You want me to commit to more dates, don't you?"
He nods.
"I don't know, Rick. Maybe you're just jealous that this glasse will find my mouth tonight long before you."
Rick Castle groans at the comment. Low and discreet, but it's there. She can discern it because she has heard it before, much louder and with greater clarity.
She smiles at that.
"I think we had already established that I want this. And that, – we – includes dates, Rick."
"I haven't heard a response yet, Detective Beckett."
"Yes, you heard. Just not as explicit as you want."
"Then?"
"I'm going on more dates with you, writer boy."
"He closes his eyes, but is satisfied.
"I'm going to ignore the end of your sentence, because I have my answer. Now," Rick pauses and raises his own glass of wine. "Here's to our first official date, Kate."
She thinks he's ridiculous, and he has this big smile on his lips, and it reminds her that she must be smiling as much as he is because it's something she wants too.
Kate also raises her glass, and it collides with his.
"And to all the others that will come." He adds, and then they taste their wine.
Kate finds it extremely tasty.
A sweet treat that she could very well use in her life from now on.
Their starters arrive, and they engage in a lively conversation about Mediterranean cuisine and their knowledge of it and how they acquired it. They talk about the countries they have been to and those they still want to visit.
He compliments her again and she blushes.
And when it's time for the main course, the conversation goes further, they start talking about their professional ambitions. Rick talks about her desire for the Pulitzer Prize, and she mentions (again) her desire to be captain of her own district someday. She remembers having said this to him at an impromptu dinner shortly after he started following her a few months ago.
Kate's cell phone buzzes with a message, and she looks because the boys were checking out a lead, and they're covering for her (although they have no idea why). But it's not Ryan or Espo at all, it's Alexis.
Alexis: hey, I hope you're having a great date, because I need to see you as soon as possible: tomorrow at the cafe, preferably. I have so many things to tell! xoxo.
Kate flashes an instant smile, the teenage excitement having some effect on her, that or the bond she feels she's building with Alexis.
"Who's giggling into the phone like a teenager right now, Beckett?" He arches his eyebrows.
She rolls her eyes at him.
"Jealous, Rick?" Her pronunciation makes it a point to click the k in his name.
"What if I do?" Her tone of voice has more to do with drama than actual jealousy, but he doesn't deny it. "We're here, on our first date and you're smiling into your cell phone, Beckett. Maybe this will kick my ego a little too."
She rolls her eyes again.
"I'm smiling because your daughter texted me, you idiot."
He widens his eyes. "She sent it? What she said?"
"Girl stuff. It's none of your business."
"But Kate…"
"Shut up and finish dinner, Rick."
"So bossy."
Kate slides her tongue across her bottom lip before biting it, that is, because Castle made a very specific bedroom expression, and he already looks so hot and well dressed, and she's quite eager to get back to his house and all the delicious things that tonight promises.
They finish the meal in silence from there, and after using the napkin, Kate notices that he is being creepy again and staring deeply at her.
"What?"
"I said nothing."
"Then stop looking."
"Sorry detective. I can't help with that."
She snorts, even though she's not really angry.
"Are you going to order dessert?" She asks him.
Rick shakes his head. "Our dessert is elsewhere."
"I meant the real thing, Castle. Not sex."
"Now now Detective, your head keeps going in the gutter. It's just fascinating."
For what must be the fifth time all night, Kate Beckett rolls her eyes at Richard Castle.
"But don't worry, no sex until later. We are going somewhere else for dessert, trust me you will love it."
In herself, she has no doubt that she will love.
She is loving every moment of this date.
After that, they go to 6 W 32nd Street, and her mouth water instantly just seeing the Gelateria. Italian ice cream has a special place in Kate's heart, and Rick doesn't seem to be having trouble finding his way there.
He gets out of the car after parking it and goes around to open the door for her. She thinks he's ridiculous, again, but appreciates the gesture. Earlier, it was the restaurant's valet who opened it for her before taking the car, so he hadn't even had his chance. Rick seems quite pleased that he was able to do this now.
She links her arm with his as they cross the street to reach the ice cream shop.
"I'm so excited to show you, they have a flavor that reminds me of you."
"Variegato a amarena, ho ragione?
"I can't tell if I'm sad that you already know the flavor and ruin the surprise or hot for you know another language." He mutters. "Really, Beckett? Italian too?"
She laughs. "Sorry, Castle. But since I love gelato I've been here before." They climb onto the sidewalk. "And not. I don't know how to speak the language, I only know some expressions because of an Italian show I watched a while ago."
She laughs. "Sorry, Castle. It's just that I love gelato, so I've been here before." They climb onto the sidewalk. "And not. I don't know how to speak the language, I only know some expressions because of an Italian show I watched a while ago."
"What show?"
"Il Commissario Montalbano."
"Alright. Tell me all about it."
About forty minutes later, they are in the car on the way to the loft. They laughed and ate and talked a lot, but Kate can tell by the way he's drawing imaginary circles on her thigh over her dress that Rick has more plans for them tonight.
A comfortable, familiar silence settles in, and it's different that he's driving, but at the same time it's so normal. He holds her hand as they enter the loft building, and holds her bag with his other hand. The elevator ride still gives him butterflies, and the way he juggles to get the key and open the door without letting go of her hand is just sweet.
She takes off her coat from over her dress, and Rick takes off his too, both of them ending up on the rack before walking further inside.
Kate is crossing the room in front of Rick. That's when she sees the red head lying on the couch.
"Alexis?"
"Kate" The girl sits down immediately. Apparently sniffling and with red eyes. "You really came. And wow, you look so gorgeous."
"Thanks, dear." Kate smiles at her, and moves a little closer, but without getting too close. "what happened?"
Alexis nods pointedly. "Nothing happened. I'm okay." She says it like it's a reflex, but it's clearly been rehearsed. "How was your date?"
At that point, Rick joined them as well. Just like Kate, he must have realized that she is not well.
"Pumpkin, what's wrong?"
She watches as Alexis closes her eyes, and swallows hard. She wonders if Alexis is having a hard time opening up because she's there and they're not close at that point.
"Lexie, do you want me to leave so you can talk to your dad?"
"No." The girl doesn't even hesitate. 'It's okay, Kate. You can stay, it's just… I'm so tired of being affected by the same thing." Just like that, there are tears and more tears pouring out of those blue eyes that reflect Castle.
"Your mother?" Rick guesses.
She nods, and starts crying more intensely. There are more noises, her body seems about to collapse and at the same time that Kate wants to welcome her, she is afraid of crossing some limit here.
Alexis is wrapped in her father's strong arms, and she surrenders to them. "Why is she like this dad? Why can't she at least pretend to love me?" It's a mess that's hard to understand, but Kate manages it.
"She loves you, Alexis." He promises, although his tone is not so convinced.
"No more than her career" the girl responds promptly, muffled against her father's chest. "Or shopping. Or international travel. Or anyone else."
"I'm so sorry, baby." Rick murmurs to his daughter. "I'm so sorry."
Kate will leave. She is witnessing an intimate and vulnerable moment, Alexis needs her father, and Kate thinks she hasn't come so far yet to deserve to participate in this moment.
She wonders if she should announce out loud that she's going to wait in the bedroom or something, because walking across the room, grabbing her bag and coat from the rack to leave seems like it's going to make a lot of noise and attract attention to her, breaking up the moment between they. She doesn't want that. Then very slowly, she turns and starts walking towards Rick's room.
"Kate, can you stay, please?" Alexis's whiny, nasal voice pleads, and she's not going anywhere anymore.
"Of course dear" Kate agrees immediately. "Can I do something to make you feel better?"
"Just stay." Alexis murmurs to her, and unravels herself from her father's arms, promising him that she will be okay. "Could you go buy ice cream? The one in the freezer ran out and I…"
"You do not need to say another word. But you… want me to leave?" Rick blinks.
"Yes, Kate is here, I'll be fine until you get back."
Rick looks at Kate, she thinks he is asking if everything is okay for her, so she nods. "We'll be fine, Rick. Don't worry."
He still looks uncertain.
"What if I ask them to deliver the ice cream?"
"They're not delivering this week, Dad. The boy who makes the deliveries is sick."
"Right." Rick says, looking resigned. "Fine. I am going. I'll be back in half an hour. Promise."
Alexis nods. "We will be waiting."
As Rick walks out the door, Alexis crawls over to the couch and curls up there. Kate walks there too, she doesn't know if Alexis wants to talk or just be silent with company, so she just finds her own place to curl up next to the girl.
And she could be wrong, she could, but she really thinks Alexis wants to talk.
"Can I ask you a question?" with her blue eyes focused on the ceiling, she avoids feeling so exposed.
"Of course, Lex."
"Do you want to be a mother someday?"
A bow forms on Kate's forehead.
"Your dad asked me that same question the first time we went out to dinner after work." Responds. "And yes, I want to. At least I think so. Just not for now."
Alexis nods.
"So there's like a right time?"
"Not necessarily. Why?"
"You said you don't want to be right now, but if you had a kid now, would you love him as much as you would if he only came a few years ago?"
Okay. Kate is starting to see where this is coming from. She doesn't like it very much.
"Alexis."
"It's okay" She breathes, tears falling from her eyes again. "It's just… I used to think I wasn't the problem, you know? Maybe it was because she wasn't ready to be a mother yet, but
when I grew up and she saw how smart and beautiful I could be, I just...Maybe she would be ready to love me back."
The watery sob that escapes her makes Kate feel an uncontrollable urge to hug her and protect her from everything bad in the world. Including Meredith's.
"I'm so sorry, honey." Kate murmurs. "I really am. But Lex?"
Blue eyes look at her.
"It's not your fault. The problem could never be you."
Alexis sits on the couch, her fingers wiping away the streaming tears. "You sound like Dad talking."
"He is right. There's nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful, smart and kind, and everything anyone would want in a daughter."
"Then why…?"
And then she's crying again.
"Come here."
Alexis approaches again and Kate wraps her in a tight, warm and loving hug. And this is so sudden. This intense affection, this desire to want to protect her, to never see her cry.
Kate's hand eventually finds her red hair, and the caresses find a way to become a constant cafuné that she hopes will bring some comfort.
It's so unfair that this sweet girl can have such deep insecurities at such a young age.
"I don't know, Lex." She whispers into the girl's ears. "And you know what? There could be so many, many reasons. Reasons that may make sense to her but never to you. Reasons that don't justify making you cry in a million years. But honey, trying to figure it out is like constant torture with yourself. It's not fair and you deserve more, it's just a shame she's not able to give you that."
Another broken, tearful sob breaks out, and she's completely spilling out and every noise is heartbreaking.
And I know, I know that it is a void that no one is able to fill. Even if you have a loving father who would do anything for you, a present grandmother and special friends. I know it hurts, and some days it hurts more than others. But please don't think this is your fault, Lexie. Because it's not."
Alexis nods her head against Kate's shoulder, sniffling over and over again.
"And you're not alone, so you can always say if something makes you feel better."
"Thank you, Kate."
"Anytime, Kid." Alexis pulls away from Kate's arms, face red and eyes puffy. "Now, do you know what we can do until your dad arrives with ice cream?"
"What?"
"Where's the sound system?" Kate gets up from the couch.
Alexis frowns but points to the spot.
And only three minutes pass before Kate pulls Alexis to dance awkwardly on the living room rug to Shut Up and Dance. At first it's awkward, but then Kate can see as the idea grows in her and she delivers on every move too.
They just keep going, every movement flowing through them, and it's so cool. At Alexis' first smile, Kate feels accomplished. And they keep dancing even when the song ends and another starts.
Rick is worried.
He knows how Meredith is, and how Alexis misses her, and how he can't do anything to fill that void in his little girl's life.
They had this thing scheduled, this mother-daughter trip together, with no work or school or anything, and given his daughter's reaction, Rick can bet Meredith must have canceled it. He pays for the pints of ice cream with a sad sigh, and takes a taxi home.
He honestly seriously wonders if it was that difficult to choose a different mother for Alexis before he did. But he knows this is all ridiculous, because she wasn't even a planned baby and yet she's the most important thing in his life.
Rick has also noticed that Alexis is getting very attached to Kate very quickly. This scares him too, because if for some reason Kate decides not to stick around long term, Rick knows it will hurt Alexis too.
When he's in the loft hallway, he thinks he's listening to Taylor Swift. And when he arrives in front of his door, he's sure Shake It Off is coming from inside and his brow is fully furrowed as he unlocks the door. The shock on his expression when he sees a barefoot and completely carefree Kate dancing in the room along with her daughter who was crying her eyes out just forty minutes ago is only too apparent.
"Ah, Castle, you're here" Kate notices him, almost out of breath, as he closes the door behind him. "We were waiting for you."
"Yes" Alexis agrees, also breathing tiredly and turns off the sound. "Kate and I were dancing. She said it's like shaking the sadness out of ourselves. It works."
"It looks wonderful pumpkin."
"And is. Want to join us?"
"I'm sure my impressive physique gets in the way of the clumsy dance you were doing."
Alexis rolls her eyes at him. Kate too.
"Shall we have ice cream, then?"
"Excellent idea, dear."
As Alexis takes the tubs of ice cream to the kitchen, Kate approaches him.
"Hey." He smiles at her.
She returns the smile and runs her tongue over her lips. "I should probably go."
"What?" His brow furrows. Again. "Why?"
"Rick, I know you have a hard time sharing Alexis, and I think I understand that now." Kate murmurs. "I just… we can have another date soon. Enjoy your daughter, okay? See you at the police station tomorrow."
"I…"
He doesn't know exactly what to say.
"It's okay." She smiles at him. Then she leans in and leaves a kiss on the corner of his lips. "See you later, Rick."
Alexis is the next one she says goodbye to.
"Lexie, I need to go home. But you still owe me a coffee and that conversation with all the things you need to tell me."
Her daughter tries to argue, but Kate seems resolute. She gives the girl a hug, takes the bag with her change of clothes, puts on her coat and slams the door behind her.
Later, when Rick has a sleeping Alexis on top of him on the couch and melted ice cream on the coffee table, he thinks he's grateful for this moment with his daughter.
So before bed he sends a thank you message to Kate. For understanding what he needed before he knew he needed it.
It's a simple one:
Thank you, Kate.
Go to sleep, Castle. – is her answer. – and don't forget my coffee tomorrow.
He won't.