This chapter is a bit heavier, TW for talks of abortion. Hope you lovelies enjoy, next chapter should be lighter. ~Shaymie

Angela

Angela huddled up in a blanket and tried her best to calm her raging nerves.

She felt like the most selfish piece of shit right now. Muffy called earlier, excited to announce her pregnancy, and the only thing Angela felt was a bitter envy. She should be happy for Muffy like a good friend but instead she sat there wallowing in her own self-pity, letting Reina be excited enough for the both of them. If her friends noticed her silence during the conversation then they didn't see a reason to point it out.

Why can't you just be happy? Muffy and Jack are naming the baby after Dad. Be happy, you idiot.

She hated how jealous she could get. Something incredible could happen to someone she cares about and instead of being happy for them, her first instinct is to wish she had what they had. She was jealous when Kasey got accepted to university despite having no interest in going. Everyone congratulated Molly when she started her modeling thing and instead of being happy, Angela envied the attention her sister was getting. Molly got all the luck, beauty, and talent. She didn't even like attention but everyone's eyes were always drawn to her.

Angela scowled and pulled the blanket over her head. This had to be some kind of karma for always suppressing her feelings, the very thing she told Molly not to do. She never told anyone when she was feeling shitty and even three years later, she's never told anyone about the worst thing Mikhail ever did to her. She didn't want to hear anything about how stupid she was for letting him put her down so much. She knew how much she changed around him. They didn't need to remind her.

"Mikhail, can you please say something?"

The longer the silence lasted, the more anxious she got. He was hard to read even on the best of days. She didn't think it was possible to be lonely in a relationship, but she felt like she didn't even really know him. He was never home when he was in town, and then he'd go on tour for months at a time. She's asked to go with him multiple times but he always says no. Says that she'll think it's boring and wouldn't it be better if she stayed close to her family?

He's always been a bit distant, but claimed that's just how he was. He didn't have any family and for years, only really had his violin teacher for company. So though she wanted to be frustrated with him, she really couldn't be. Dating was something new to him so she just had to be patient.

"Is this real?" he asked, his normally smooth voice strained. His fist tightened around the pregnancy tests she'd handed him nearly ten minutes ago. "This isn't one of your juvenile pranks, is it?"

He didn't sound happy or surprised like she thought he would. She chose to ignore his dig towards her. He always talked about how immature she was compared to him even though he's not even that much older than her. He just hated fun. She put up with it because at least he loved her, even if he was awful at showing it sometimes.

"I'm serious, Mikhail. I wanted to tell you as soon as I was sure. Thank god you're actually in tow—"

"Get rid of it."

There was no hesitation in his voice. Somehow he managed to sound even colder and more distant than normal. She rested a hand on her still-flat stomach. She's never really put much thought towards having kids. She didn't particularly think she could be a good, caring mother. Not with how she'd been back when Molly was a baby. Angela always let her father and Kasey handle all the rough stuff when it came to raising her.

It's not like she didn't love her sister or anything. She just didn't have the patience to deal with everything that came with taking care of a baby. The crying gave her a headache, and Molly did a lot of it when she was a baby. Dirty diapers were disgusting and potty-training was a nightmare. The one consistent thing she ever did for Molly was bath time. Molly always asked for her when bath time rolled around.

But she was legitimately excited when she learned she was pregnant, even if it happening meant something had gone wrong. Either her birth control fucked up or the condom broke last time she and Mikhail were together.

"What do you mean? Aren't you happy?" She hated the way her voice trembled and tears welled in her eyes. Was it too early to blame it on pregnancy hormones?

"Why the hell would I be happy about this? Are you an idiot, Angela? We're not in any way ready to be parents. You're only 22."

Her parents had been even younger when they had her and Kasey. They didn't think it was the end of the world. Angela took a step back from Mikhail. She hated that cold look in his eyes.

"Can't we talk about this?" He always did this, bossed her around because he didn't trust her judgment. He thought she was an idiot because she didn't go to some ivy league university like he did. But this wasn't just his decision to make. It took two people to make a child, and she's the one carrying it. He's making this decision like he's the one who'll be doing all the hard work. Like his word was the only one that mattered.

"What's there to talk about? We're not in any position to raise a child, unless you plan on taking care of it by yourself for half the year." She wouldn't be completely alone. Dad could help, and she could ask Aunt Dee for some advice. She mostly raised Fritz on her own while her husband was off doing who knows what, racking up endless debt. "Besides, you're far too irresponsible to ever be in charge of caring for a child."

"But—"

"This isn't up for negotiation. Either you get rid of it or I'm leaving."

He didn't even have the decency to go with her to the doctor.

He didn't tell her to keep it a secret, but she felt too ashamed to tell anyone about it. She didn't want to hear their I-told-you-sos. Everyone knew Mikhail was bad news. Even Fritz knew, and he's a raging idiot. But she was convinced that they were wrong, that she just needed some more time with him and he'd thaw out a bit. She was still telling herself that four years into their relationship.

"Ange? Are you okay? Molls texted and said you weren't feeling great." Shit, she didn't want Luke seeing her like this! It was too late to pretend she was asleep because he was already opening the door. She didn't think she'd ever regret telling him he could come in whenever. She did her best to fix her face but it was obvious she'd been crying. Luke closed the door behind him and walked across the room to sit on the edge of her bed. She wanted him closer, so she climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around him. "What's wrong, honey?"

He's too good to her.

He's too good for her.

"I was thinking about Mikhail," she mumbled into his chest, frowning at the way he tensed under her. "He was a dick even when he was being 'nice' to me. He always called me stupid and immature. And I just let him because I thought he knew better than me and I got tired of starting arguments. But then he realized that I'd do whatever he told me and..."

"Take your time, Ange." Luke rubbed her back when the words got caught in her throat. She didn't realize how hard it would be to talk about this. She thought she'd be over this by now. She took in a deep breath, relaxing at his familiar woodsy scent. She wondered what she smelled like to him and if he took comfort in her presence, too. At the very least, he liked having her near him.

She decided to just rip the Band-Aid off.

"I got pregnant once, about three years ago. It was obviously an accident. He insisted I go on birth control and he never had sex with me without a condom. But even after all that, I still got pregnant. And he was... I don't know, mad? It was always so hard to tell with him. He demanded I get an abortion or he'd leave me. I didn't want to be alone so I just did what he wanted."

Luke was silent but she could feel the anger radiating from him in waves. He was tenser than she'd ever seen. Angela didn't think it was possible for him to ever get really angry. She's seen hints of it sometimes when Chelsea was in town but he had to push it down in order to keep her calm. He loved Molly like she was his own sister so he hated seeing anything upset her. But this was different.

"What the fuck is that guy's problem?" he asked through his teeth. He was shaking from anger but even still, he had his hand on her back, trying to comfort her. "That's not just his decision to make! And threatening to leave you? What kind of an asshole does that?"

"I wasn't mad about the baby, even though I know I probably should have been. I was mad that he refused to talk about it. He didn't even want to give it a chance. He practically told me I'd be a bad mother and just brushed off what I wanted." She took in another breath. "I've never told anyone about this. I was scared to..."

"So Kasey and Molls don't know?"

"Kasey probably would have killed Mikhail if I told him, and I was scared I'd ruin Molly's view of me as an older sister. I wanted to be someone she could look up to." Not that it really mattered. She was a disappointment. She could tell that now more than ever. Kasey's in town now so Molly had no reason to spend nearly as much time with her as she used to. She was always so excited to see him, she never noticed when Angela left to give them more private time together.

"Are you kidding me, Ange? Molls admires you, and I don't think she'd ever look down on you for what happened. It's all that dick's fault. He made you think you only had one choice." Hearing the venom in his voice, she lifted her head from his chest and looked up at his face. He didn't look like himself at all. His face was twisted by anger and his normally sunny golden eyes were filled with an unfamiliar fire.

"Hey," she murmured, cupping his cheek in her hand. His eyes softened as he looked down at her. "It's okay now. This was years ago."

"You're still upset about it. It made you cry, Ange."

"I was crying because of how selfish I was being. Muffy told me she's pregnant and instead of being happy for her, I got jealous." Jack gave her a choice. Even though I give him a ton of shit, he's a good guy when it counts. "Some best friend I am, huh? I started making her big day all about me. I couldn't even stay for the whole call."

"You're not selfish. Something like that must have sucked to deal with, right? And you've been keeping it to yourself for years. It only makes sense for you to get upset about something reminding you of it."

"I guess you have a point..." She couldn't even talk to Mikhail about it. He preferred to act like nothing happened. It's just been her handling everything on her own. "I didn't realize how good it would feel actually telling someone about this. I thought it would just be this weight I have to carry around for the rest of my life."

She still had to tell Kasey and Molly about it, but it could wait. She wasn't quite ready for that yet.