Howdy howdy, happy new year! Hopefully you lovelies are doing well! Please enjoy this chapter that ended up not going as planned but in a good way? ~Shaymie
Kasey
He wasn't exactly planning on taking a nap on the couch, but exhaustion always had a way of creeping up on him.
Must've been more tired than I thought... Kasey sighed, feeling the comforting weight of a blanket on top of him. His eyes still felt too heavy to open so he opted to just lay here for a bit longer. It always took some time for him to fully wake up anyway. A pain when he slept past his alarm and had to hurry to get the kids up for school, but what can you do? It was nothing compared to the days when his depression hit harder than normal and he couldn't even roll out of bed in the morning. He always felt extra pathetic on those days. He hated not being able to do anything.
Jack said it was his body's way of forcing him to take a break but that didn't mean he had to like it. Not being able to do anything is so fucking annoying. His kids need him now more than ever. And if he was being honest, he needed them too. Looking at them reminded him that Lumina wasn't really gone. It sounded cliche but she lived on in their kids. He saw her in Mara's eyes and heard her in Gideon's laugh. They were his light in the dark. He couldn't love Lumina, was too goddamn scared to let himself love her, but he hoped he could make up for it by loving their kids enough for the both of them.
"Jeez, he's out cold. Any idea how long he's been asleep?" Was that Angela?
"Since we started The Little Mermaid. We didn't wanna wake him up but he was s'posed to make us lunch."
"And that's why you called me," Angela sighed. Her voice sounded far away, like she was in another room. Did she walk over to the kitchen? "I'm not as good at cooking as your Aunt Molly, you know."
"That's okay! Daddy isn't either!" Thanks for that, Gideon. Kasey liked to think that his cooking has at least improved a little bit these past few months. He definitely wasn't getting anywhere near Molly's level without some effort but he didn't have the time or energy to care that much. His cooking was edible and nutritious for the kids and that's all he cared about. He's just glad they weren't picky eaters.
Angela had gone mostly silent, only speaking when the twins asked her something. Kasey used the time to slowly wake up. His body felt disgustingly groggy and heavy. He couldn't remember the last time he let himself relax. Even when he went out to the bar with Angela, he felt a bit tense. Though that could probably be blamed on the environment. There weren't many places to really hang out so it made sense that she invited him out to the bar, but... The thought of getting drunk and doing or saying something he'd end up regretting terrified him. He's been working hard to avoid drinking too much. The most he's let himself have lately is the one beer Jack talked him into on the night he told him about the baby.
Jack thought that making the decision to avoid alcohol for the rest of his life was drastic, but being too safe never hurt anyone. He didn't have the tolerance to be able to risk it.
"Do you guys want apple or orange juice?" he heard Angela ask as he peeled his eyes open, running a hand down his face with a groan. Good thing he wasn't wearing his contacts. Kasey frowned up at his blurry ceiling. He's not looking forward to hearing what his sister had to say. She was either going to make fun of him for not even making it to his bedroom or chew him out for not taking better care of himself. Hypocritical of him to constantly remind Molly to worry about herself more when he couldn't care less about what happened to himself.
Maybe we both need Angela to kick our asses in gear, he thought with a self-pitying chuckle. She always said that it felt more like Kasey and Molly were the twins because they were just so much alike. It made sense. He practically monopolized all of Molly's attention when she was younger. He'd sit in the nursery with her for hours, always played dress-up with her, used her as his audience when he was learning guitar... It's only natural for younger siblings to pick up qualities from their older siblings, right? It didn't help that Molly was so anxious as a child and saw him as a safe place. For the longest time he was the only one who could calm her down when she got overwhelmed.
He promised their father he'd always look out for his sisters. Dad's probably rolling in his grave seeing what's become of them. Molly was forced into an early retirement because Kasey never noticed the way she was hurting herself. Angela couldn't even look him in the eye anymore. They're barely hanging on as a family and he didn't know how to bring them back together again. He wanted... Well, he's not exactly sure what he wants. It would be ridiculous to want things to go back to how they used to be. Change was a painfully unavoidable part of life. He hated it but there was no way for things to stay exactly the same.
Even now things were changing. The kids were getting older. Somehow he's managed to work things out with Claire and he keeps her updated on what's going on in the twins' lives. Jack and Muffy are having a baby together. His sisters have changed in the brief time they've lived in Castanet and he just felt stuck. He needed to get out of this slump before it consumed him.
Angela was probably right. He just needed some friends. He's stayed to himself for the most part because he's been so busy. He sometimes stuck around to speak to Anissa or Toby when he picked up the twins from playdates and they were nice enough to pretend to not notice how awkward he was. Owen's also a pretty chill guy. He was never bothered by Gideon's countless questions about his job and even humored him once by letting him attempt to pick up his hammer.
Kasey still can't believe Angela's strong enough to carry one of those and hold it over her shoulder like it's nothing. She looked right at home with it.
He figured he should probably get up at some point before Angela left. He should take any chance he can get to talk with her. They needed to start working on fixing things between them. It's not like they were ever attached at the hip or anything (they're nothing like Gideon and Mara), but things used to be far better than they were now. He broke things between them and now it's time for him to put them back together. For everyone's sake.
"Daddy's awake!" Gideon cheered as he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Kasey blindly patted around for his glasses, assuming whoever took them off didn't leave them that far away, and found them on the coffee table.
"The way you were sleeping, I thought you'd be out for a few more hours." Angela set down the knife she was using to cut through some bread Molly brought over the other day and gave him a small smile. God, it's so weird to see her actually smile around him. He was used to his very presence souring her mood. Has she actually put everything behind her? Angela May Parker, the woman known for holding onto grudges for years, was just... letting it go? Something was off and he needed to find out what.
Though... maybe not in front of the kids.
"I think Daddy was very sleepy," Mara said with a nod, her voice slightly distorted by her thumb. "He's always falling asleep at school. He made us promise not to tell Mr. Gill, though."
"Sleeping on the job, Kase? I didn't think you had it in you." In his defense, his past jobs didn't really let him sleep. He was constantly unloading boxes at the warehouse and the cafe was always busy on the days he happened to work. The closest he's ever gotten to sleeping at work is when he'd take naps in his car before and after shifts. Other than that he just relied on coffee and energy drinks to stay awake when he felt tired. It definitely wasn't healthy and bound to come back and bite him.
He folded the blanket in his lap and stood up, wincing at the way his bones cracked when he stretched. He remembered Angela drunkenly complaining about the same thing happening to her the night she dragged him to the bar. The joys of rough physical labor, he supposed. He spent years working in that stupid warehouse for shitty pay.
"It's pretty boring on the rare days when everyone actually behaves. Recess is the best for catching up on sleep." He yawned and walked over to the kitchen, ruffling Gideon's hair as he walked past. Mara was sitting at the dining table drawing something so he didn't disturb her. "What're you cooking, Ange? Hopefully something you can't burn."
"Just for that, you can feed yourself, you jerk." Angela huffed, sticking her tongue out at him. He's shocked she hasn't pierced that yet. Her ears and nose were pierced the same as they'd been back in high school. She mentioned getting Kathy's help with re-piercing them. "Me and the kids are having grilled cheese and tomato soup."
"You're staying for lunch?"
"Not like I have anywhere else to go right now. Luke's working, Owen's handling some family stuff, and Molls is... well... in a bit of a mood right now." Angela leaned in and lowered her voice with a frown. "She had a seizure earlier. Nothing too serious or anything and she's not hurt but she asked me to leave so she can get some rest."
It was frustrating how much Molly would refuse help sometimes. She'd always say that she was fine and didn't need to be looked after. While he knew this was something she had to live with for the rest of her life and there's no possible way one of them could be there for every single seizure, he wished that she didn't push them away when they did happen to be there. The accident left her with a physical scar, but it left a mental one on the two of them. They weren't just paranoid. They had their reasons to worry about her, especially since she's so damn stubborn and had a habit of pushing herself too much.
"Can I come over to check on her later?"
"Sure. She probably won't kick you out." There was a bit of an edge to the sentence even though Angela tried her best to keep her expression neutral. He had 25 years of experience in reading her. She couldn't keep anything from him. Her fingers curled around a can of soup and started drumming on the side of it. He could tell there was something more she wanted to say. The only problem is he's not sure if she'd be willing to talk to him about it.
They used to tell each other everything with no hesitation. It's not like they were attached at the hip or anything, but they didn't need to be. It was enough to know that they'd be there when the other needed them. He wasn't there for her back then but he could start now. He asked Mara and Gideon to play in their room so he could have a grown-up talk with Angela.
"What grown-up stuff do you want to talk about?" she asked, setting the can on the counter. She wasn't looking at him. She never looked at him when they spoke to each other.
"Whatever's on your mind." Angela was silent at first, eyebrows scrunched up as she thought up a response. Maybe she was thinking of a creative way to tell him to fuck off. He really wouldn't be able to blame her. She let out a sigh and started tracing circles on the counter.
"You know how to get through to Molly when she doesn't want to talk about something. She always closes herself off around me. I'm not like you, y'know. I don't know how to talk to her and I'm so scared I'll do something wrong and you'll..." She snapped her mouth shut and gnawed on her bottom lip. That was one of the few things Molly actually picked up from her. He straightened up at the end of her sentence.
Fucking knew she wasn't over it. Water under the bridge, my ass.
And still he knew that she wouldn't accept any apologies.
"I wouldn't blame you for—" Angela cut him off with a sharp laugh, looking over at him with eyes full of barely-contained emotions. Anger and grief and just a pinch of bitterness. He hated that he's done this to her.
"Wouldn't you? You've done it before. Nothing's stopping you from pinning every goddamn issue on me again. Somehow Molly's depression was my fault because I should have been home more. If I paid more attention then I would have noticed that she was purging every chance she got. Mikhail cheated because I let him turn me into a pushover. Everything's my fault because I'm the fuck-up who can't do anything right!"
"Ange."
"The worst part is that you're right," she whispered, her voice cracking just a bit. "I'm supposed to be the older one. The one who keeps everything together. But I kept leaving you to pick up all the broken pieces while I threw myself a pity party. I thought moving here with Molls would make up for that but I'm still failing."
"Angela."
"She had a panic attack the other day, you know. The only reason she called me is because she couldn't get a hold of you. She didn't want to disturb you. I'm the second choice and I always will—"
She wasn't listening to him so he did the only thing he could think of to shut her up. He hugged her. They didn't hug. It just wasn't their thing. They probably haven't really hugged each other since they were kids. Angela was tense in his arms, unsure of what to do. That's fine. Anything's better than listening to her talk about herself like that. He couldn't stand it. God, how could he be so awful to her? He couldn't remember half the shit he said when he was drunk, but she remembered all of it.
"I wasn't right," he choked out, throat getting tight. He's forgotten what it felt like to cry. His eyes felt like they were burning. "I was a fucking idiot, Angela. I was so angry that I ended up using you as a punching bag and it wasn't fair to put all of that on you. It wasn't fair to put any of it on you. I acted like me and Molls were the only ones who lost Dad."
"I should have handled it better."
"No, I should have treated you better. You didn't do anything wrong. It's my fault for being such an asshole just because I was stressed out." Angela turned so her face was hidden in his shirt. She took in a few unsteady breaths. He pretended to not hear her quiet sniffles or notice her tears staining his shirt. She's one of the most prideful people he knew, and she hated crying in front of people. She worried that it would make people look down on her.
"I don't want your stupid apology," she mumbled into his shirt. He bit back a groan. God, how stubborn can she be?
"Fine, no apology. How about I make a promise?" He held her closer. Who knew when she'd let him hug her again? This is probably the most vulnerable she'll ever let herself be around him. They didn't talk about their feelings with each other. He went to Jack and she'd always talk to Muffy and Reina. It's always been like that and they've never questioned it.
It might be time to change that... Might be time to change a lot of things.
"What kind of promise?"
"I promise to never treat you like that again. If I start acting like even a little bit of a jackass then I promise you can hit me or scream at me or do anything you want." He looked down at Angela but the only thing visible was the top of her head. She was as determined as ever to not look at him. "I'm trying to be better, Ange. Not just for the kids but also for you and Molls. I don't want things to stay like this."
"You're giving me permission to hit you whenever I want?" That's what she's choosing to take from this? He rolled his eyes and felt Angela smile against him. Well... At least she's happy?
"Just don't go overboard with it."
"When have I ever gone overboard?" Angela scoffed, looking up at him for the first time in what felt like forever. He's forgotten what her eyes looked like when she wasn't angry at him. They're darker than his, with lighter speckles the same color as their mother's eyes dotted around. The gold bits only showed up in certain lighting and he's spent his whole life trying to get a picture so he could show her how cool it was. He knew she was bummed out about not really looking like Mom. She sighed and finally returned the hug.
"Missed you, Kase..."