"Never Give Up (On Each Other)"
Author: carmen_085
Disclaimer: I do not own any Walking Dead Characters. I do own all original characters.
Summary: In the months before the beginning of the apocalypse, Daryl finds himself homeless, alone, and with no direction. An adult Beth is struggling to balance her job, sick parents, and the farm. Feeling like the world is suffocating her, will taking a chance on a stranger change everything ? Can these two find what they need in each other before life as they know it ends and they must do anything to survive. AU but eventual ZA with full cast.
Chapter Three
It was raining tonight; not a deluge with thunder and lightning like last night but still drizzling nonetheless. Flipping the hood of her black rain coat up, Beth grabbed her purse, lunch box, and phone as she slammed the car door shut. She was only working two days this week; she had burned a vacation day. Now that spring was here, there was just so much to do. Fields needed plowed, animals needed born, crops needed planted. The Greene farm wasn't nearly as prolific as it once had been. Since the accident last year, Beth had sold off nearly half the cattle. It paid for her mama's medical bills as well as her repeated trips to the nursing home. She hated that she had to do that but it's what needed done. With less cattle, only a handful of sheep and goats, and the three horses she didn't need to plant nearly as much corn as before but she still had to plant. And this year she would be doing it all on her own.
Walking through the parking lot she tried not to think about it. Just the thought of everything she had to do made her chest tight and her head spin. On top of all the work she had to do on the farm; her mama had been complaining that her teeth hurt. Beth was no dentist but she knew this was coming. Her mama hadn't brushed her teeth properly in quite some time; she worried that the motion would flare her trigeminal neuralgia. Looking back on her mothers illness, the tide truly turned when the neuralgia set in. Unrelenting facial pain, it often reduced Annette to tears unable to eat or drink for days. That was how she got so weak, how her weight dropped to eighty pounds, how they got here….wherever the hell here was.
Beth had made a dentist appointment for her mama tomorrow afternoon which meant little to no sleep again and all the frustrations that came with taking Annette out of the house. Beth tried to tell her, even bought her a rubber baby tooth brush feeling that anything would be better than nothing. But under the hypnotic spell of chronic pain, she wouldn't listen; her only concern avoiding more pain if possible. Beth knew her teeth were rotting, she could smell it every time she opened her mouth. So it was no surprise to her when she found her mama this morning crying in bed about terrible dental pain. Like always Beth just sighed. Fortunately she was able to make an emergency appointment tomorrow. Until then she set her up with Orajel, Tylenol, and a hot pack. It was the best she could do for now.
While the employee section of the lot was mostly full, the closer area; the visitors section, was mostly deserted. Pulling herself from her thoughts, Beth pushed her hood aside immediately noticing that a familiar brown truck was missing.
Daryl
She would be embarrassed to admit how much of her thoughts the man occupied the past few days. If anyone asked her she wouldn't even be able to explain it. He was rough and dirty…scary even, but underneath what met the eye there was something more. Something that hooked her from the moment they looked at one another. He was something nice to think about; she didn't even know him, though, so it was more of a daydream. Still it was a nice reprieve from everything else.
If the truck was gone, Meryl was most likely dead. She knew it was inevitable but still seeing this informal confirmation made her heart ache. Of course, Daryl could have just went somewhere for the night but she doubted it. Since the day they brought Merle Dixon into this place, neither the brown truck nor Daryl had moved an inch. The glass doors of the lobby swooshed open as Beth pulled the hood down. Merle Dixon was just patient in a long list of patients, and his brother was nothing more than another grieving family member. She needed to forget about all of this; most likely she would never see Daryl Dixon ever again.
The drenching rains of the past two days had slowed to a chilly drizzle as Daryl leaned over the small fire. Merle had been dead for twelve hours now, not that he was counting because either way didn't matter much. Dead for ten seconds or ten hours, he wasn't never coming back. In the past Daryl had often felt like he was completely alone in the word, but no matter where Merle was he always knew he had a brother out there somewhere. His own flesh and blood. Now….now he actually was completely alone out here. With no home, no food, no family and not even a pot to piss in.
The truck had been towed this afternoon; shortly after Merle was loaded into the ambulance and taken to the main facility downtown. They asked Daryl if he wanted to follow along, see Merle one last time before they rolled him into the OR. Didn't have a way to follow along though so he simply grunted and shook his head. Merle was gone, seeing him one last time down in Atlanta wouldn't change that. He watched the ambulance until he couldn't see it no more. He would never see his brother again. At least not in this life, although Daryl wasn't sure there was anything else to life than this.
This shit fucking world.
Daryl wasn't sure if Merle had ever willingly helped anyone but himself . That was why he decided to make him an organ donor. As he filled out the form he wasn't sure what Merle would say about it; probably scoff and say fuck those people these were his goddamn parts. Still, if one good thing could come from the whole disaster that was the Dixon's family's existence maybe this was it. God knows he wasn't ever going to amount to much himself.
The transplant lady shook Daryl's hand and told him that Merle's kidneys were going to two people who had been waiting a long time. A fifty year old firefighter in New Orleans and a forty-seven year old school teacher in Birmingham; good, salt of the earth sort of people. A normal person, with proper emotional development, might feel at the very least satisfied by this. That something good came from a tragedy. Daryl didn't know how he felt; he knew it was the right thing to do but at the end of the day he just missed his brother. That prick hadn't even treated him very well; more often than not insulting and berating him for one thing or another, and yet he was the only idea that Daryl had of home. A really shitty idea of home but the only one he ever knew.
Leaning back under the tarp Daryl shielding his upper body from the rain. In the pit in front of him he kept the fire going low but just enough to ward the early spring chill away. He never had much in life but this was no doubt rock bottom. He had nothing; just a knife, his crossbow, and the clothes on his back. After they took Merle away, he sat on a bench outside the hospital smoking his last cigarette trying to figure out what to do. At least if he had the truck he could live in that, find a job, and save up for some kind of place. Daryl had worked in a couple of places; nothing permanent-construction, mechanical, roofing for a summer or two. He was a good worker and mostly kept to himself; that hadn't been the problem. Those jobs, he had them when Merle was locked up, and then sure enough as soon as he got out Daryl was gone. Going wherever Merle said they were gonna go that day. When the money ran out that he saved, they lived off Merle selling drugs. He hated it and he knew it was wrong. Even got up the balls a time or two to tell Merle they should get real jobs and stop this shit. That earned him nothing but a hairy eyeball, a string of curses, and a fist to the jaw. In the end, though, Daryl had no one to blame for his life but himself. Thirty-six year old man following his big brother around like puppy. Even he knew that was damn pathetic.
Beyond the hospital parking lot was a patch of woods that stretched on for a few miles into farming country. It seemed as good a place as any and without much more than he could carry, Daryl didn't see the sense in wandering too far. Woods were woods and he had no place else to be. Reaching out, he turned the mud snake over in the fire. Wasn't the worst thing he ever had survive on. Before, though, it was just that, surviving. Making it a few days until the next thing came around. This wasn't that anymore, this was his life; there would be no Merle sauntering back through the door with a six pack and plan. Daryl never had much of anything so worrying was a foreign idea to him. People only worried when they had something to lose. But sitting under that shitty green tarp watching his mud snake cook in the cold drizzle, Daryl began to worry.
It was nearly ten pm when Beth finally got herself caught up and helped Rosita with a particularly messy GI Bleed in her own room. They changed the sheets three times, with the patient vomiting coffee-ground emesis on the fresh blankets each time. But now blood hung, NG tube in place, and nausea medications given it appeared the situation was finally under control. Again, Beth's assignment was rooms 14 & 15 at the end of the hallway. Room 15 had an elderly woman in it; Congestive Heart Failure on a Bi-pap machine and diuretics; Siddiq was moderately hopeful that they could get all the excess fluid off by morning. It was an easier patient and Beth was grateful that Pat had taken mercy on her after three nights last week with Philip Blake.
Room 14 was empty as her eyes landed on the bed Merle Dixon had been in the night before. The day nurse, Karen, told her that Merle had been packed up and shipped off to the main facility downtown. His brother had consented to organ donation and luckily they found a match for both of his kidneys; two people whose lives were going to be changed forever. She would have never guessed that would be the outcome of such a tragic situation but people surprise you sometimes. Beth had known Daryl Dixon was a good man, this just proved it.
Pat had turned the lights down on the unit giving the floor a warm, relaxing vibe. Looking into room 15, Beth was satisfied to see the Bi-pap machine doing it's work and the patient asleep. Her vitals were stable, her foley catheter was filling with a steady stream of urine; maybe Siddiq was right and she would turn the corner by morning. Walking into the darkened room 14, Beth stopped for a moment staring at the bed. The crisp white sheets were pulled tight and smoothed without a single wrinkle, the pillow as fluffed, the bed side table was over the middle of the bed with a small card on it. 'Your room was proudly cleaned by: Loretta'. Cleaned, turned over, made ready; there were a lot of terms they used but they all meant the same thing. Whatever happened in that room was wiped away; all the bodily mess, trash, used equipment, and dirty linens were removed. The bed was cleaned and made, the tables and chairs wiped down, and the equipment disinfected and put back in its place. All the suffering, the tears, and the joy were wiped away and it began again with the next patient. The entire human experience that has just occurred within those four walls, fading away and eventually forgotten.
It was just how it worked. Still it was going to take her a while to forget about Merle Dixon and his brother. Some would say she was a fool for thinking so much about a drug addict and his good for nothing brother; but there was something more there. She didn't feel sorry for them, pity did nothing for no one; but she felt something….something strong that she had never felt before. Coming to stand at the window, Beth saw tiny droplets snake their way down the glass. Her eyes wandered through the parking lot seeing it mostly empty this time of night. Past the edge of the lot was a small patch of forest that stretched out for a few miles into the countryside. Beth had seen a few deer meandering in and out of trees so she knew the foliage was substantial enough for wildlife, but in all the time she worked here she'd never seen any people roaming about in the trees. Squinting her eyes she could have sworn that she saw the flickering of a fire. It was low and barely there, but she was sure she saw it. Leaning in closer to the window she cocked her head, her lips parting slightly.
"What the hell are you staring at?" Beth jumped gasping at the sudden intrusion. Rosita came to stand beside her as she followed Beth's stare out the window.
"Jesus, you almost gave me a heart attack." Beth shook her head as she resumed looking at the flame flickering in the distance.
"You ? I'm looking all over for you. I thought you were a fucking ghost standing in here…one of these dead patients coming back to haunt us…" Beth let out a short laugh as Rosita turned around looking at the empty bed. "Speaking of which, where did this one go ?"
A smirk came to Beth's face as she pointed upward with her finger. Rosita's eyes widened as she cleared her throat. "Really now ? See that's what I'm talking about."
Beth laughed a little as she tore her eyes away from the fire in the woods, turning and sitting on the air conditioning unit. "He didn't die here. They took him downtown; his brother made him a donor."
Rosita hummed her surprise. "They didn't seem like the donating type." Beth was quiet as her eyes wandered to the floor. How many times had she judged someone the way that Rosita was right now. Too many she was afraid. Good people who were going through a bad time…or a bad life.
"Rosita to room 12, Rosita room 12." Pat's voice echoed on the overhead speaker as Rosita's shoulders slumped.
"Not again." She looked at Beth shaking her head. "Siddiq needs to get down here and do something."
"She's still vomiting even with the NG tube in ?" The purpose of the tube was to stop vomiting by decompressing the stomach, providing low continuous suction.
Rosita groaned, "No. Now it's coming out the other end." Trudging toward the door she looked back toward Beth, "I know you're coming right behind me."
Beth laughed as she looked over her shoulder once more. The flames were so low she could barely see them anymore. Turning back she followed Rosita out of the room.
Beth yawned as she gathered her belongings. The night had been uneventful as the woman in bed 15 slept through most of it. This morning her breathing had improved and they were able to get her off the Bi-pap machine and onto a nasal cannula. Looking into the room, Beth saw Siddiq bent over listening to her lungs with a smile. Sometimes things did work out.
"You ready to go?" Rosita appeared in front of her with her bag on her shoulder. "No girl left behind." Slipping her coat on she grabbed her purse.
"Yeah let's get out out of here." Glancing at her watch, Beth pursed her lips. Her mama's appointment was at three o clock; that gave her just a few hours of sleep before she had to get up, get Annette washed and dressed, and get her down the stairs. Just thinking about the whole ordeal filled her with a sense of dread.
Like every morning, Amy was busy behind the coffee cart keeping the majority of the hospital awake and happy. Offering a wave, the younger girl smiled at Beth as they walked out. The sun peeked through low clouds as the overnight rain left a distinct chill in the air. Rosita's boyfriend, Abraham, was sitting in his massive white truck waiting to pick her up. He was dressed in fatigues and Beth assumed that he was heading to Fort Benning as soon as he dropped Rosita off at home.
"Damn Beth you look more tired every time I see you !" The passenger side door opened as Rosita crawled in shaking her head at him. In a low voice she chided him.
"I told you she's dealing with her mom." Rosita looked back at her friend smiling. "Besides we were just up working all night. Not at home sleeping like you, dick." Abraham hooted at the insult as Beth leaned into the truck's window.
"Sorry about the shit with your mom, but you know what I think would fix you right up, girlie ?" Beth rolled her eyes knowing this was going to be something that most likely would not fix her right up.
"What ?"
"A man. Someone to screw your brains out and make you forget about all the shit in your life." Rosita elbowed him hard as he welped in pain. "Now what the hell was that for ?"
"You're an ass."
Beth laughed a little as she shook her head. "Thanks Abraham. I'll keep that in mind."
"Can't be that hard, girl, livin' out on that farm. Probably a farm hand or two that you could roll around in the hayloft with." Beth laughed out loud at the irony. If she had anyone to give her hand on farm they most certainly would not have the time to roll around in the hayloft.
"Oh my God ! I can't with you." Rosita gave him annoyed look. "We're going." Turning to Beth she smiled apologetically. "I'm going to hate my life the next two nights without you."
Beth shrugged pushing off truck. "I would rather be here, girl, trust me." Flashing her a look of understanding, Rosita nodded.
"Call me if you need anything." Beth returned the nod.
"I will." She stood there watching as they drove away. Pulling her keys out, Beth got to her car with the same sense of amazement that she had every morning. It felt like days had gone by since she was last here and not just twelve hours. Throwing all her shit in the back seat she slid behind the wheel.
The hospital sat a ways back from the road with a long driveway from the parking lot that led out. Beth was in the same stupor she usually found herself in every morning as she guided the Camry back toward home. Parallel to the driveway was the woods line that Beth had been staring at most of the night. That flickering flame drawing her attention in a way she couldn't describe.
Suddenly a man stepped out of the woods. Beth, not quite believing her eyes, swerved to miss him. What in the hell? A surge of adrenaline made her heart pound as she looked in the rearview mirror. He wasn't a terribly large or burly man; someone she might imagine living out in the woods like some hermit. He was dressed in dark clothes and he had a bow across his back. She knew there was no hunting in the woods for a fact. A few years back one of her patient's families, even more country then herself, insisted they were going to sleep in a tent and hunt for dinner just a few hundred yards from where unsuspecting people were parking their cars. Hospital security got wind of it and called the Coweta County Sheriff who put a swift stop to it. The woods were posted; too close to structure for any firearm to be discharged. She had been raised country and such people were not a totally foreign concept, but for God's sake the cafeteria had burgers for just a couple of bucks. Not the best but still.
Bringing the car to a stop, Beth jammed the gears as she took a deep breath. Scanning the mirror again she saw the man disappear back into the trees. There was something familiar about him. A juxtaposition just in the way he walked; rugged yet vulnerable.
Daryl
She exhaled. It was Daryl. She hadn't even seen his face and she knew…she just knew. Opening the door she began walking before she could decide if this was a good idea or not. Beth had running shoes and scrubs on; hardly attire for traipsing around in the forest. Stepping over the guardrail, she squinted her eyes trying to make out where he went. This was stupid, really stupid, she didn't even know for sure if it was actually Daryl or not. And even if it was Daryl she didn't really know him either, when you got right down to it. Still, she had a gut feeling. Pushing the undergrowth away she came upon a small camp site. It wasn't much; a tarp strung up between two trees, a small fire pit, and a couple random belongings on the ground. An empty mountain dew bottle, some kindling, the skin of a snake. Beth was so distracted by what she was seeing that she didn't even hear him come up behind her.
A shuffle, the adjustment of his crossbow, and a grunt were the only clues that she wasn't alone. Whirling around she nearly jumped out of her skin. She was right; it was Daryl. But instead of what she might have imagined in her head, he glared at her with clear anger.
"Jesus…you scared me. I didn't even hear you coming up…" she trailed off now feeling like a complete fool. She had no reason to be here, everything on his face said he didn't want her here. He looked her over for a moment through slanted, suspicious eyes before pushing past her. In an instant the tarp was pulled down, wrapped up and stowed; like it had never been there at all. Like she never saw it at all, never saw any of this. He cast a look over his shoulder as he hastily kicked dirt into the fire pit, erasing all traces that he was ever here to begin with. Beth saw the way the tips of his ears burned bright red and a realization dawned on her.
He was't angry…he was embarrassed. "The hospital send you out here ? Tell me I gotta leave or something ?" Beth was taken aback for a moment before she caught up to what he was insinuating.
"Oh… No ! No, the hospital didn't send me. This isn't their property anyway." By this time everything was packed away and the crossbow was perched on his back again.
Daryl gestured to her scrubs and now muddy running shoes as he shook his head, "Then what the hell you doing out here?"
Beth opened her mouth and then closed it, biting her lip. That was a good question. She knew the answer; she knew it when she stopped the car. Maybe even knew it last night when she was staring at that flickering light. Problem was getting the balls up to ask it.
"I wanted to tell you that I'm glad you decided to make Merle and organ donor. It was a really kind thing to do." Daryl just stared back at her silently. After what felt like ten minute he shrugged his shoulders.
"He wasn't usin' them no more so…" He trailed off like it was no big deal. Like he had just dropped a bag of old clothes at the Salvation Army and not given someone….actually two someones…another chance at life. Beth licked her lips. This wasn't going quite as smoothly as she imagined.
"Still…it's a big deal." She even sounded stupid to herself. Daryl looked at the ground probably hoping that she would leave already.
"That's it? Almost ran me over and then trudged through the weeds to tell me that…" Beth put her hands on her hips as she exhaled shaking her head.
"Alright here it is". Looking up she met his eyes letting him know that she meant business. "I live on a farm, about eight miles from here, I need someone to help me." He was quiet and for that she was grateful; thinking that he would immediately shut her down. Feeling a surge of confidence she continued, "It was my daddy's farm but he can't work it anymore and my mama is sick and I take care of her too. It's a lot of work for one person to do and I can't do it alone. I tried…I really really fucking tried but I just can't."
Daryl rocked back on his heels not just from the request but from the way she looked right now. The demure blonde lost in the woods had turned into a woman on the edge; her eyes were wide, her face was red, the veins in her neck bulged, and let's not forget the word 'fuck' had come out of her mouth. A mainstay in his own vernacular; he imagined someone like her would need to go to confession after such an utterance.
He didn't talk this much to people he didn't know; hardly talked to those he did know. It made him uncomfortable. But he felt she deserved some kind of response from him. "You don't even know me…I could be a serial killer or somethin'." Daryl cringed at himself; not the smoothest way to put it but he supposed it still got the message across.
Beth squinted her eyes at him for a moment before breaking into a laugh. And God if that's wasn't one of the best sounds he had ever heard. What ? Where the hell did that come from? Shaking his head, Daryl sucked a sharp breath in through his nostrils. Clearly he wasn't getting enough oxygen.
"If you were a serial killer I think I would already be dead." Lifting her arms she gestured toward the trees. "I mean, really, a girl goes into the woods alone after a guy she doesn't know who's wielding a crossbow. Come on." Despite himself, Daryl felt the corner of his lip twitch up into a smirk.
The moment didn't last long as his lips pulled back into their usual dour line. "Still didn't answer my question." Beth's looked at the ground as she ran her tongue over her teeth. No sense in lying to him, he would probably be able to tell anyway. He seemed keenly perceptive about that sort of thing.
"Alright." Nodding she forced herself to look into his very intense stare once more. "Farm work is hard, rough, and physical. Nobody wants to do it anymore. You seem like the sort of guy who can make something out of nothing. That's what I need." Daryl wasn't sure how to take that. It was probably one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to him; especially because it was true. Whether he could admit it to himself or not. It was also one of the most perceptive things a stranger had ever noticed about him. Hell usually people didn't even notice he was breathing. But this girl…she noticed all that. Seeing him actually think about it, Beth nodded sweetening the pot a bit. "I can also give you a place to stay. Isn't much but it would be all yours. I can also help you with meals and…" Something inside Daryl snapped at that. Stepping into her he took a threatening stance. It was on purpose, he wants to intimidate her; let her know where her place was.
"I ain't no charity case. Don't need you feedin' me or feelin' sorry." Beth would be lying if she said her heart wasn't pounding in that moment. But still she didn't back down from him. He wasn't the first person who ever got in her face; this time though it was just her and not everyone on the unit and hospital security behind her. Swallowing hard she steeled herself staring him right in the eye.
"That's bullshit and you know it." Daryl blinked. If she was afraid of him in that moment she didn't show it. Searching his face she repeated it just above a whisper. "It's bullshit."
Daryl was the first one to step back; Beth having held her ground not letting him throw the pity card against her. It wasn't about that and he did know it. She obviously had her hands full and needed help; probably didn't have much to pay him so she was offering him what she could. Still something about the whole situation made the hairs on his neck stand on end. It threatened his pride and everything the Dixons stood for.
Never take no hands out, never beg for a fucking thing, die with your boots on.
His daddy must have said it a million times. Will Dixon was no role model but those principles had been ingrained in Daryl from a young age and for most of his life he lived by them in one way or another.
"Sounds like you got a lot problems; ain't none of them mine." It was a stupid response and he knew it as he quickly averted his eyes to the ground. Beth threw her hands in the air.
"OK. That's fine. I give up." Turning she started back toward the road leaving him staring after her. Just as she was about to disappear she turned looking at him once more. "714 Fairburn Road; name on the mailbox is Greene." She shrugged her shoulders before throwing back to him, "If you change your mind."
And with that she was gone leaving Daryl standing there playing with his crossbow strap wondering what the hell had just happened.
Needless to say, Beth hadn't got much sleep. The conversation with Daryl replaying over and over in her mind. It was so crazy and she was way out of line just stalking off into the woods like that, practically inviting a stranger into her home. He was right; she really didn't know what kind of person he was. Her heart had overridden her brain, though, and against all logic it was done. She'd trusted her gut. Besides how much worse could it get around here anyway ?
A drop of sweat slid down her chest between her breasts, pooling in the seam of her bra. "Daddy you have to lift it up more." Grunting, Hershel picked the bottom of the wheelchair up setting it down on the next step. When Beth was seventeen she and Jimmy had taken themselves down to the Senoia Volunteer Fire Department and signed up for EMT class. It was a great skill set to have working on a farm, but they weren't thinking about that. It was a summer full of time spent together out from under their parent's noses. Class was only 8-3 but as far as Hershel knew it didn't end until 4; the extra hour spent awkwardly groping each other on a bench behind the building.
She worked on an ambulance for about a year after that here and there; enough to know she loved it and wanted to do more. Hence the decision to go to nursing school. All these years later Beth hadn't forgotten how to carry someone out of a house. Sighing she shook her head; it was only three steps and her mama barely weighed anything at all. This wasn't that hard.
"Daddy just lift it up and carry it down the last two stairs." Beth stood behind Annette holding the top of the chair urging Hershel who had the much easier job of guiding the bottom to the ground. He was already standing on the sidewalk for Christ's sake all he needed to do was pick it up.
Again he picked it up letting it drop on the next stair; the last one before the ground. Beth was getting frustrated, "Why can't you just pick it up?"
"I'm doing the best I can, goddamit Beth ! This leg isn't worth a damn, you know that." Beth pursed her lips; she wanted to scream. Hershel had lost his right leg the same day Shawn lost his life. At first it seemed inconceivable but the trauma and orthopedic team had done a great job and Hershel was gifted with a state of the art prosthesis courtesy of the SouthEast Farmer's Alliance. He had no excuse. No excuse at all.
He just didn't want to
She was silent for a moment taking in the sweat pouring off his head and the beet red appearance of his face. "If the leg was your only problem I might actually believe that."
He paused wiping the sweat from his forehead as he narrowed his eyes at his daughter. "You have something to say to me, young lady ?"
Beth laughed shaking her head. Young lady. What a joke, a complete fucking joke. She was a grown ass woman; carrying the weight of this farm and her family on her back every single day. Arguing would do no good, however, as she refocused herself on the task at hand. "Come on, let's get this over with. One more step." Hershel gave her a long stare before bending over picking the chair up placing it down on the sidewalk. Pushing past her father she could smell the booze on his breath. "We'll be back in an hour or so. I'll need help getting her back in the house." Pushing her mama over to the Camry she held her up and pivoted her into the passenger seat, lifting her legs and sliding them in last. Hershel stood on the sidewalk, hands on his hips watching them go.
Daryl walked silently through the woods. His head was spinning; nobody had ever done anything like what Beth just had. Beth Greene that was; well at least he figured it was he hadn't seen no ring on her finger not that he was looking. The name suited her; she looked like a Beth Greene.
Oh what the hell was he thinking that for? Sitting down on a rock he let the pack slide off his back. Merle had only been gone about a day now and this girl just marches right up to him offering him a chance at something else. An honest way to make a living. A quiet, simple existence. Truly that was all he ever wanted.
Never take no hands out, never beg for a fucking thing, die with your boots on.
It was stupid and if Daryl was being honest it never got him a damn thing. But still, it was the only idea he ever had of what made someone a man. A bullshit mantra that his daddy used to chant drunk on the recliner.
He was about four years old, sitting on the kitchen table hungry as all hell. His mama had just slipped in the back door with a paper bag of something. The way she was looking around, Daryl knew it must be something she didn't want the old man to know about. Fortunately he was screaming at the TV in the other room.
Quietly she placed the sack on the table as Daryl leaned over looking inside. Milk, cheese, cereal, bread, peanut butter. He loved peanut butter. Slipping the non-perishables under the sink where Will never looked, she shut the door without making a sound. The cheese she would wrap in tin foil and hide in the vegetable drawer. Tearing off a piece of foil she was halfway through wrapping it up when he stumbled into the kitchen looking for another beer.
"The hell is this?" He snatched the slices of American out of hand looking at it with offense. "Where you get the money for this?" Daryl wanted to get out of there knowing full and well what was coming next. But he couldn't, the old man was blocking the door.
His mother stared at the floor, her greasy hair falling in her eyes. "It's from the WIC check."
"WHAT ?" Will dropped the bottle on the floor; the sound of it shattering made Daryl jump.
"It's for Daryl. He needs milk. He doesn't get enough to eat as it is." First it was the brick of cheese that hit her in the face then it was his daddy's fists.
"Dixons don't take no hands out ever. I'd rather he starve…."
And he almost did; more than once. Hunting was how he survived and made it to another day. What the point was of making it to another day he wasn't sure, but he just could't give up, roll over, and die. That was also part of being a Dixon; Merle had taught him that. Sighing, Daryl let his head rest in his hands as he closed his eyes. Maybe this was the line that ran right though the middle of his life; the thing that stood between what he had been and what he always wanted to be. Maybe this was his chance to actually do something.
Propping her arm against the window, Beth rubbed her temple as she drove back toward home. She had such a headache and with good reason; after the whole debacle of getting her mom to the dentist they didn't get much accomplished. Crowing and moaning that her trigeminal neuralgia was acting up, Annette barely let the dentist look inside her mouth much less do any necessary work. He offered to give her novocaine just for cleaning but she declined. Crying that once it wore off everything would hurt twice as much and no one understood her pain. Beth bit her lip, she knew that her mother was really suffering and she felt bad about that….really bad. But Annette didn't take care of herself; hadn't for quite some time now. This was what happened when you just let it all go.
In the end all they accomplished was a light brushing, quick exam, and a bottle of antibiotics for whatever was rotting away in there. The whole situation made her cringe. The dentist had also given her mother a short prescription for Percocet to help with the pain. Beth wasn't too keen on the idea; the drug making even healthy people get dizzy and fall over. Still they took it, as she promised herself she would watch her mother like a hawk if she took even one pill.
"I think that went alright." Beth was silent wondering what her mama's definition of alright was.
"Uh huh." There was nothing she could say and starting a fight would only make this headache worse.
"When we get home I need a pill for my neuralgia. You know which ones." Beth nodded, the pills her mother took for the neuralgia weren't habit forming but she was certain that her mother was mentally addicted to them. The sun could fall out of the sky and Annette wouldn't notice but miss one pill and she was throwing a holy fit.
"We're going to the pharmacy so I can get your antibiotics first." It only made sense.
"No Bethy take me home. I'm tired and I need my pill." Gritting her teeth it only made the headache worse.
"Mom I don't have time for that today. I need to get back and take care of you and then I need to go out in the fields and check on a few of the cattle."
"Oh that's just ridiculous." It took everything Beth had to not swerve off the road and crash into a pole ending this whole ridiculous day once and for all. This was what made her so angry. She had worked all night, not slept at all, drug her mother out of the house to accomplish basically nothing at all, and now she still had a full evening of farm work ahead of her. Beth felt like she was about to die she was so overwhelmed. And the thing that pissed her off the most was that her mother didn't see any of that. She just wanted her goddamn pill. It was a hard thing to reconcile that your parents, the ones who are supposed to look out for you no matter what, can also be the ones who run you right into the ground. Sucking every last drop of life from you in order to satisfy their own basic needs.
The rest of the drive was quiet; Annette holding the side of her face to emphasize the pain she was in, and Beth trying to come up with a plan to get everything done tonight. Thankfully the pharmacy was deserted and it only ended up being a fifteen minute detour. The pharmacist behind the counter giving her a friendly nod and a wave as she walked out; the bell over the door tinkling in her wake.
Turning onto the long driveway of 714 Fairburn Rd,Beth sighed at least that part was done now she just needed to get her mama back in the house. The farmhouse was bathed in late afternoon sunlight as she stopped in front of the sidewalk, surprised to see her daddy sitting in one of the white rocking chairs. She thought she was going to have to drag him away from his bottle downstairs. Getting out of the Camry, she didn't notice much else as she unloaded the wheelchair from the trunk. Coming around to the passenger side she lifted her mama out, turned her and put her back in the wheelchair, securing a strap across her middle so she didn't fall out.
"How was it?" Hershel stood at the top of the stairs, his hands in his pockets. She met his eyes; she wasn't sure if he actually wanted to know or if he was simply making conversation. Either way there was no sense in sparing him how she felt about it all.
"It was awful. She wouldn't let them clean her teeth and barely let him examine her." Beth looked down feeling bad herself that she wasn't more successful in getting the problem fixed. Herself looked at his daughter and the shell of his wife sitting in the wheelchair before looking out at the fields shaking his head. "We got antibiotics though."
"That's good." Hershel nodded solemnly. Opening his mouth he began to point toward the barn but Beth didn't notice as all the frustration inside her boiled over.
"Daddy this is ridiculous. We need to get a ramp. You shouldn't be carrying her and neither should I. We need a hospital bed downstairs for her, maybe in the family room."
"I don't need a hospital bed. Please, Bethy, get me inside so I can get my pill and lay down !" Annette moaned in the wheelchair.
"She needs to participate in her care; let these doctors do what they need to. She needs to actually give a damn about herself." Hershel stared at them exhaling softly.
In the hot sun Annette was also becoming more frustrated as she threw her arms up in the air. "Oh just let me die already. I don't care anymore."
Snapping Beth looked at her mother, "That's just it mama, you're not going to die some poetic way in your bed surrounded by loved ones. This isn't cancer; you don't have a set amount of time left to live. You could live for years yet in this condition. Is that what you want ?"
Her mama just moaned as Hershel came down the stairs ready to help Beth carry his wife back into the house. His daughter's face was flush with anger as their eyes met, "You're right, Bethy. You're right about everything." She felt herself deflate a little as she stared at him not sure what was happening. Pointing toward the barn he nodded to her. "I just have one question for you…" Looking over her shoulder Beth wouldn't have been more surprised if Jesus Christ himself was standing there. "Said his name's Daryl Dixon and that you offered him a job here; know anything about that ?"
Turning around Beth gasped feeling the first shred hope in a very long time.
TBC….
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A Note About Chronic Illness:
A lot of writing about illness involves very poetic circumstances.
"She fought a brave battle against (insert disease) and died surrounded by loved ones."
It's a nice way to wrap a whole lot of suffering up into one satisfying sentence. The reality of living with and caring for someone with a chronic illness is much different. It is can be very frustrating not only for the patient but also the caregiver especially when they have no help and other responsibilities. Part of my wanting to write this story was to shine on a light on that and to let anyone else going through know that they are not alone.