Flaming Moe Moe and Smithers open a gay bar. However unlike canon it involves Homer's homophobia alienating himself with everyone and annoying Marge and randomness from Oscar and Mr Burns.
Plot
The title gag is Grampa riding a rocking chair with balloons attached to it, ala Up.
The couch gag is the Simpsons sitting on the couch and a giant Santa's little Helper bursts his head through the wall, knocking aside plaster and bricks and says "Snausages!"
...
The episode starts as canon.
Homer, Lenny and Carl are leaving work as the night shift arrives.
"Oh great the night shift... I hate these guys..." said Homer. Near identical doppelgängers of Homer, Lenny and Carl arrive.
"You said it Homer." said Carl.
Lionel Richie and The Commodores frown at Homer.
"Look at them, thinking they're better than us, just because their performance reviews reflect that fact..." said Lenny as the night shift puts their cards in to clock in.
"Oh no!" Homer gasped. "I left a candy bar in my desk!"
"Oh that's funny. Because I found this candy bar in my desk! Gahahahaha!" Homer's night shift counterpart had a candy bar and ate it and laughed.
Homer growled. "Time to punch in!" He started an enormous fight and security were called. Security were just guys in hazmat suits blowing whistles and hitting everyone with glowing green plutonium rods.
"How's this for a night shift?! Lenny grunted as he punched a night shift worker.
"Are the night shift vampires?" Oscar asked, ducking and diving from the fight.
Smithers was shocked by the fighting and went to report it to Mr Burns.
Cut to Mr Burns's Office. He is in there with Blue haired lawyer signing important documents. Smithers barges in.
"Sir! The day shift and night shift are fighting like Iran and Iraq!" said Smithers.
Mr Burns is confused.
"Ugh... Persia and Babylon..." said Smithers.
"Shhhh! I am trying to write my will!" said Mr Burns.
"Sign your name here sir." said Blue haired lawyer.
"Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns..." Mr Burns signs his name.
"Uh?! Your will?" Smithers asks.
"Yes my bespectacled friend. As hard as it may seem, I will not always be in the pink, even a young buck like me!" said Mr Burns. He sneezes. "Aaaachooo!" And the top of his head flops open on a fleshy hinge exposing his brain. "Oops." He shuts the top of his scalp back over his brain.
"Eeeeeew..." Oscar groaned.
"And two more signatures here... come on now we haven't got much time left while you're still competent..." said Blue haired lawyer.
Mr Burns signs his signature where he is required.
"Aaaaand. Three o clock. Demented..." said Blue haired lawyer.
Mr Burns imagines he is in an old timey film dancing with a diplodocus while old piano music plays. He rides on the dinosaur.
In reality he is riding blue hair lawyer. "Away, dinosaur! Away!
Smithers face palms. He sees Mr Burns's will and wants to take a peak but Mr Burns snatches the Will with a yoink!
Homer then comes in but screams "aaaaaaagh! A dinosaur!" There is the cartoon diplodocus in Mr Burns's Office dancing.
...
Homer drove home trying to avoid anything dinosaur related but he saw Barney the dinosaur walking down the street. He screamed.
A T. rex themed grill restaurant called Jurassic Lunch... He screamed and sharply turned down a freeway junction"
And at home the dinosaur god of sex Tyrannosaurus Sex was decorating his bed with rose petals because he asked him to to get back in Marge's good books. Homer screamed every time he saw a dinosaur.
"Stop screaming so loud! You are startling Dino!" Oscar yelled. Dino, his pet baby cartoon dinosaur that resembles a baby Chomby barked at Homer.
Homer scoffed.
At night Mr Smithers sneaks into Burns's Office and having security clearance and Mr Burns's keypad passcodes, gets access to Mr Burns's will. He reads it with Mr Burns's voice narrating.
"I leave my estate divided evenly between Yale university apartment of applied evil, (Mmmmm! Evil university...) Gary from Gary's trapdoor installation and repair... and my most faithful companion..."
"Your tortoise?!" Smithers yelled at Mr Burns in his lounge. "You're giving your worldly goods to your tortoise?!"
"It always saddens me that you and Sheldon have never gotten along..." said Mr Burns as an elderly tortoise sat nearby.
"Sir how could you leave me out of your will?" Smithers whined. "I'm your right hand man! Your guy Friday!"
"Oh Smithers, you are the campiest of my aides du camp, but I'm afraid my admiration is reserved for the self made man... No Steve Woz-ni-ak thee."
"So I get nothing..." said Smithers.
"Precisely... even my temporary heir and son Bart Simpson gets all my wealth..." said Mr Burns.
"Woohoo! I'm rich!" Bart at home cheered throwing green dollar bills about.
"So you don't respect me..." said Smithers annoyed.
"No, not until you earn it..." said Mr Burns. "Until then, I'll never see you as my equal..."
"I'll be going now Sir..." Smithers sighed, leaving.
"Wait, Smithers!" said Mr Burns.
"Yes Sir?" Smithers asked.
"In case you didn't hear me. I said I will never see you as my equal." said Mr Burns.
"I heard you loud and clear Sir." Smithers sighed.
"Good. Oh and one more thing Smithers." said Mr Burns.
"Yes Sir?" Smithers asked.
"Release the hounds on yourself before you go..." said Mr Burns.
Smithers sighed exasperated. "Yes Sir..."
"Excellent..." said Mr Burns.
...
Smithers was chased off Mr Burns's estate by his hounds.
Smithers is then in town and for some reason Bart and Milhouse are out late at night vandalising a Mapple poster with spray paint to look like the silhouette is farting and the slogan Think differently is now Stink differently. The two boys laugh and run off home.
"Hmmmmm, here's a place I can feel wanted." said Smithers arriving at a gay bar called The League of Extra Horny Gentlemen. Mmmmmm... smutty...
He gets in line as an asshat bouncer is only letting attractive men in.
"You with the six pack, you're in!" He let's a man with muscles wearing a tank top in. "You with the Ben Affleck chin and Matt Damon everything else? Guess what, you're in." He lets in the love child of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon who were spliced into one man. "You're in. In. In... err... in your dreams!" He lets everyone in except Smithers.
"Oh come on! I had a rough day!" Smithers whined.
"With that buzz cut and the bow tie?! Forget it! This is a night club! Not a John F Kennedy cabinet meeting." said the bouncer.
We cut to a cabinet meeting where Lee Harvey Oswald shoots everyone.
"Dude... not funny..." Bart groaned
The attractive gay men in the line laughed as Smithers, in a sour mood went off to Moe's. He looked at the sign and went in. The bar was strangely empty. "Can I have a scotch and water?" Smithers asked as he sat down.
"My scotch is a scotch and water." said Moe making him a watered down scotch.
Smither drinks his drink. Um I think he has a tab he runs up... "Hmmmm... business is slow huh?"
"Yeah... I don't know why..." said Moe. I don't know why either...
"I'm at the movie rental store watching movies on the overhead TVs and not buying them..." said Homer in a Movie rental store. He was watching a McBain sequel.
"We're all at our Stonecutters club..." said Lenny and Carl at Stonecutters.
"Anyway frankly I'm surprised you're not over at the place that opened up over across the street..." said Moe pointing to the gay bar Smithers wasn't allowed into. "Where they drink for fun! Instead of here where er... horrible addiction compels ya..."
"I tried. They won't let me in..." said Smithers. "No one wants an executive assistant who works six hours a day! If only this town had a men's bar for the average looking fella..."
Suddenly he imagines three Mr Burns heads circling him. "True Admiration! Self made man! Kill the other two heads!" The heads speak in turn. "True Admiration! Self made man! Quickly! Kill them before they suspect it! What?!" Mr Smithers has an idea.
"Listen, you look like you need more customers. I need a bar for guys like me. Just so we're clear this is what I am proposing..." Smithers whispers to Moe. He wants to open a gay bar...
"Whoooooaaa! Whoaaa! By all means what ya lot do doesn't bother me. But it might bother my regular customers!" said Moe. And swish kabobs. Mmmmm, swish kabob...
"Shame... could have been a lot of fun..." said Smithers.
"Uh huh... well I like the clientele I already have, thank you..." said Moe.
Barney came out the toiled carrying a urinal... "hey Moe! Get me two beers! One for me! And one for my friend!" He meant the urinal when he said friend...
Barney ripping out one of his urinals annoyed Moe. "That was my Grandmother's wedding urinal! Right that's it! We are redecorating!"
There is a montage of the outside of the bar with Moe talking about what he was supposedly doing inside. "Aaaaaand done..." said Moe. "After this, there ain't no turning back!" Moe and Smithers were on the roof.
Smithers took the E and changed the logo to "'mos" (Homos) and threw the E away.
It some how flew threw a window and landed on the scrabble board Abe was playing with Jasper and Crazy old Jewish guy.
"B E. Be! Four points!" said Abe.
"I challenge!" Crazy old Jewish guy protested.
...
At League of Extra Horny Gentlemen the ass hat bouncer was rejecting some more homely gay men. "Sorry hobbits... back to the Shire..."
Some gay hobbits, more on them later, sighed and moped as they headed off home.
He even rejected Julio! Oh come on! Julio is handsome! To another gay man...
Julio, Mr Largo And Brady and some other not so attractive gays went home sadly and did not get to see the gay firemen performing inside.
"Now hold on fellas. There's no need to go home yet..." said Smithers. He showed them to Moe's.
"Eeeeeew! Isn't that where all the rats died?" said a gay man wearing a pink shirt and his sweater tied round his neck.
"Oh no! It's totally different now." said Smithers. "And it welcomes men with a few extra pounds, or a little less hair..."
The less attractive gays felt this was a a great idea.
"What about super hairy Wonder Woman?" Brady asked pointing to a hairy bloke dressed as Wonder Woman.
Oscar winced seeing a hairy gay man dressed as Wonder Woman.
"No problem." said Smithers.
"Thank you for humouring me!" said Super hairy Wonder Woman.
Wonder Woman and the gay men went into Moe's new gay bar.
Moe tried to sound more accepting of their sexuality before deciding to just shut up and serve drinks.
There was lively chatter and conversations as Moe's regulars, Homer, Lenny and Carl entered.
"Hey there's something different about Moe's." said Carl.
"There's no chicks here!" said Lenny as there were muscular gay men exercising on the TVs on the wall,
"There's never any chicks here..." said Carl.
"Yes, but somehow there is less chicks here." said Lenny.
"Something's changed..." said Homer. "There's a sense of acceptance in the air... cheap aftershave and hand holding... Oh my God! Moe's has turned into a gay bar! Aaaaaaaaghhhhh!" Homer screamed and ran home.
"Okay..." said Moe.
"Do you still serve beer?" Lenny asked.
"Yes I still serve beer Lenny..." said Moe pouring him a beer.
"Why is there a lumberjack here..." Carl mistook a "bear" for a lumberjack.
"I'm not a lumberjack sweetheart, I'm a bear. and I love cuddles at night..." said the burly, hairy gay man. he blew kisses at Carl.
Carl grimaced.
There was a brutal looking, muscular alien warrior called Zorlax the destroyer.
"Is it because how violent you are in battle or because of your love making?" Oscar asked as he was in a gay bar for a reason.
"A little bit of both..." said Zorlax the destroyer.
...
At home, Homer ran home to Oscar having weird conversations again. He was in the living room with Bart and Lisa.
"And, there I was... surrounded by seven foot tall zombie poop elves..." said Oscar.
"Wait a minute!" said Bart. "How could they be elves if they were seven feet tall..."
"It was a leap year." said Oscar.
"No stupid conversations! Also Moe turned the bar into a gay bar! Aaaaaaagh!" said Homer running upstairs screaming.
Marge sighed at his homophobia returning.
Oscar scowled. "I will talk about stupid nonsensical things if I want!" He took a few moments to calm himself. "Anyway... then there AI generated holographic clown demons..."
Bart face palmed.
"Oh and once again I was subjected to the agonising screams of the frustrating screaming leprechauns, perhaps I do need meds to stop me hearing the screams..." said Oscar.
Bart was unnerved by Oscar.
"Also never play Mario Kart as the planet Neptune..." said Oscar.
"Hurry up! We've already all done 165 laps! Mamma Mia!" Mario yelled.
Neptune still hadn't completed one lap. "Okay okay! geez... so pushy..."
Bart winced.
Hugo chuckled. "It's funny because it's true..."
Plot 2
Moe explained what he did with the bar to Lenny and Carl after Homer ran off screaming.
"But what about your other bar make overs?" Lenny asked.
There was the time Homer sold his mortgage to Moe to cover costs from the new strict health inspector to clean up the bar. And Marge annoyed decided to work at the bar with Moe and turn it into a British pub. "Failure..." the time he turned it into M, a psychedelic Austin Powers lounge. "What was I thinking..." the time he turned the bar into a family friendly restaurant called Uncle Moe's. "Crap..." and a hippy lounge. "Uh... I dreamed about that..."
"Look! That guy is washing his hands!" said Lenny.
"And there's lights in there!" said Carl as they looked in the men's toilet. "No longer will we have to use a dark bathroom..."
Lenny and Carl didn't mind this makeover and sat down to have drinks.
Homer looked back at Moe's and then the gay night club and shivered in disgust.
He went home while kicking a can along the way.
Wiggum arrested him. "For kicking that poor can! Whatever did he do to you?!"
Homer groaned as he was cuffed.
Jesse from Lisa the treehugger picked up the can and put it in the recycling bin.
Back in Moe's gay bar.
"So whattya say fellas, will you give the new Moe's a try?" Moe to Lenny and Carl. "There's nothing against it in the bible..."
"Yes there is!" yelled Lovejoy angrily.
"Lovejoy why are you here..." Moe sighed.
"Logic..." said Oscar narrating and writing down this episode in gay bar that was once Moe's.
"400% markup?!" Carl took Homer's canon line because he was homophobic once, I intend to keep him homophobic.
"Hey! You do not question the words of Swigs McJigger! Look! He is drinking his own brains!" said Moe. Swigs McJigger was a drunk cocktail mixer.
"Yeah but so is Cuphead." said Oscar playing Cuphead despite that it doesn't exist yet... Cuphead and Mugman are tea cups and they drink their own tea from their own heads!
Moe sighed.
"I'm not so sure about the ice sculpture of a dolphin..." said Carl.
"The dolphin stays..." said Moe menacingly.
"Haaaaauuuuw! Dolpha! Dolpha!" Oscar squealed.
Moe sighed.
...
The guy who says Yeeeeeeeeeeees? Was working in Cosingtons and sniffing the flower on his suit and sighing happily when a scruffy looking man, possibly a hobo came in.
"Oh no! Oh no! OH NOOOOO!" Yes guy screamed.
"Oh yeeeeeeah!" said Kool aid man bursting in through a wall.
Elsewhere at Springfield Elementary. Largo's class were playing their instruments badly when he had an announcement.
"Class, I have a big announcement. I am leaving you to live my life with my new boyfriend, Dewey (Who is Louie from the episode Screwy, Dewey and Louie.) We're both Dewey." said Mr Largo
The class sat quietly.
"Come on... pretend he meant something to you..." said Lisa.
"Oh that's rich coming from you Lisa! You hated him because he was always stifling your jazz playing as popular music..." said Janie.
"It's okay kids, I'm glad to see the back of you too... Mr Largo leaving.
Chalmers came in. "Children, no I am not Mr Largo's boyfriend... I am dating one of your moms... I don't know which one... I am simply here to introduce your new music teacher, Miss Juniper." said Superintendent Chalmers.
A sexy lady teacher with ginger hair arrived.
Oscar had a nosebleed and fainted.
"Eeeeew!" Lisa groaned.
"Just teach the one with the starfish hair and you'll be alright..." said Mr Largo.
"Teach? Ha, you can't teach music Mr Largo, you breath and smell music! Then you roll around and embrace it until makes love to you! Mmmmmmm!" said Juniper.
"Okay... laters... weirdo..." said Mr Largo because his boyfriend Louie was waiting.
He had left.
Kyle/Database was sure he was truly gone. "Myaaaaaa! Now we can play the forbidden music!" said Database holding a clarinet.
Everyone plays Pop goes the weasel.
"Half a pound of Tupenny rice, half a pound of treacle..."
Then several Clownjas burst out of the cupboards and every other significant enough hiding spot and hop about to Pop goes the weasel.
"I heard that!" Mr Largo yelled before leaving again.
The children finished off playing Pop goes the weasel as the Clownjas resumed dancing or hopping about to the music.
Oscar laughed. "The Clownjas love that song..."
Lisa rolled her eyes seeing the living clown headed Jack in a box creatures Oscar draws hoppibg about the music class room.
...
Marge did not go to Moe's new gay bar with Homer because he was being homophobic again. If anything she'd have to drag him screaming into there.
Que Marge dragging Homer kicking and screaming into Moe's gay bar. "Nooooooooo! Aaaaaagh! Nooooo!"
"Oh for Pete's sake Homer! Get over yourself! For once I can drink in here without that tiny little voice in my head saying "This is not a safe place to drink!" Marge ranted trying to drag Homer into the bar. In her head was an empty office chair at a desk labelled Paranoia. Colourful Marge's in an Inside Out reference discussed the missing Marge's.
"Things just haven't been the same since Marge threw out Denial." said Responsibility.
"Yeah, now Paranoia has taken time off and I see you have started slacking Responsibility..." said Disgust.
Joy from Inside Out gawked at the fourth wall baffled.
In reality. "Nooooooo! Nooooo! I won't go in there!" Homer screamed. He broke free and ran off. "You're all sick!"
"Oh be nice..." said a gay guy.
Marge sighed. "One Long Island iced tea Moe..." said Marge sighing.
Moe served her a Long Island Iced Tea and she paid for it.
"Look Midge. If your looking for a friend to set Homer straight, you're at the wrong bar. I was the one that's been leading him astray and encouraging his homophobia in the form of wanting his boys to grow up to be real mean and not swish kabobs." said Moe.
"Moe! That's terrible! And my name is Marge!" Marge was horrified he told her that.
"Oh and you know what else? Homer's brief bout of Islamaphobia? That was me too. God bless America!" said Moe.
Marge grumbled and drank up her Long Island. "I'm going somewhere to find acceptance of all races, religions and sexualities..." she slurred a bit tipsy.
"Yeah whatevers..." said More shortening words or pluralising words that don't need to be pluralised.
Luckily for Marge a Persian gay club called Bagh me a Daddy opened up some point before Moe's gay bar did. It catered to everyone but especially gay Arabs. Yes they exist!
Marge was pleased with the acceptance here and everyone getting along.
"And what will it be Sugar?" The bar tender asked.
Marge giggled at his polite wooing. "One Long Island Tea please!" said Marge.
The man smiled as he cleaned the glasses.
Heavy bass music played as gay Arabs danced.
Marge sighed chilled and comfortable as she stirred her Long Island.
...
At home Homer was lecturing Bart and Hugo again.
"Now you both stay away from Moe's, he has redecorated and eh, it's all gone down hill... I don't want you boys hanging around there..." said Homer.
"He turned it in to a gay bar... didn't he?" Hugo sighed.
"Yup." said Bart.
...
Juniper taught music by taking the music playing pupils out on a day trip. But Skinner arrived exhausted. "You've taken the wrong permission slips, you keep the green ones, I take the white ones." Then he fainted.
Juniper revived him. "Stay with us Permission man!" said Juniper.
"What about Persimmon Man?!" Oscar yelled.
There was superhero carrying a punnet of persimmons.
Lisa winced irked.
Skinner was smitten with her beauty. The song Juniper played. Juniper, juniper...
"Aaaaagh! A French dude singing!" Oscar screamed.
And so Juniper became Skinner's new Edna now she was fed up with him and next season she falls in love with Ned...
Skinner wanted Bart to double date Juniper's daughter.
"Skinner... why am I here when whatever I might have done hasn't gone off yet..." asked Bart. An explosion rocked the school. "That wasn't me and I have you as an alibi..."
Skinner discussed his indecent proposal. Bart double dating with Juniper's daughter.
"Oh her, third grade? Wears glasses? Has a whole lotta cooties? Meh sorry, not interested..." said Bart.
Skinner bribed him with an extra week of vacation in spring and Christmas.
"Sorry Skinner, bribe me as much as you like. I'm simply not interested because I am with Nikki now..." said Bart. It's called continuity, deal with it.
Skinner sighed.
He hauled in Hugo.
"If this is not extracurricular science I am not interested..." said Hugo.
Skinner discussed him dating Juniper's daughter.
"Does she have two heads?" Hugo asked.
"No Hugo..." said Skinner.
"A Siamese twin?" asked Hugo raising his eyebrow.
"No..."
"A conjoined foetus attached to her head?" asked Hugo.
"No!" Skinner yelled.
"Then I am not interested... I only go for freaks like myself, Seymour..." said Hugo leaving his office. Skinner sighed.
...
At Moe's Carl bumped into Comic Book Guy. "Wait! I didn't know you eh..."
"I am not Comic Book Guy... I am his gay cousin Comic Book Gay..." said Comic Book Gay...
"But you do like Comic books?" Carl asked.
"Certain kinds..." said Comic Book Gay heading back to his table.
"Worst introduction of a look-alike family member ever!" said Comic Book Guy in his comic book store.
"Hey look! The men's room has a condom vending machine now!" said Lenny. Why men's bathrooms have these I don't know... you seriously think a man is gonna whip it out and fuck a woman in the toilet there and then but have the foresight to use protection...
Oscar winced.
"Since Marge can't come in here and Homer ran off home screaming Why not try buying one..." said Dark Oscar as his shoulder devil.
"Why would I want to buy a condom...?" Oscar sighed to his shoulder devil.
"I dunno, just something to do in defiance... Rebel a little..." said Dark Oscar.
Marge trying to ignore Moe's bigotry was there drinking when she encountered some drag queens!
"Darling that wig is so fake..." said a black drag queen with a blond wig.
"Whattya mean wig?" Marge asked.
"And that voice..." said a drag queen with glasses.
"What's wrong with her voice?!" Patty defended her little sister.
"Steve? Is that you?!" said the drag queen with glasses.
"That's it! I'm gonna knock ya inside out!" Patty warned the drag queen.
"Doctor already did." said the drag queen. Who is now technically a post op transsexual.
Marge winced.
"Come in this a gay bar... There must be some hot, single lesbians here somewhere..." said Patty looking about for single women.
"Ta-Da!" said a blond, very camp man in a blue Hawaiian shirt. "I know what your thinking barkeep but I am old enough to drink. But here's my Driving licence." He handed over his ID.
"Dermabrasion..." The gay guy had surgery or something to look young.
"Oz why are you calling me from a gay bar..." Ace, his vampire friend who has blond hair and a colourful helicopter beanie sighed.
"Loooook! it's your future..." Oscar pointed his Myphone at the blond Hawaiian shirt guy.
Ace sighed flustered and ended the video call.
...
Skinner and Juniper were doing more montages with Willie as a horse.
"Horse Groundskeeper Willie belongs in Equalia." said Oscar Rping in Equalia with Princess Lisa and Princess Juliet.
"No... now go make out with the giraffe octopus..." said Lisa.
"Giraffe squid according to Ralph..." said Oscar.
Ralph was singing a "mmmmmm! Hmmmmm, mmmmmm! Hmmmm!" Mumbling song of mumbles while smooshing his plushies Mr Ink the squid and Spot the giraffe together.
"Eeeeeew!" said the Giraffe squid/octopus thing disgusted.
Oscar heads over to Ralph.
"Make Pete's Dragon II!" Ralph whined in a tantrum.
Oscar face palmed.
"You know he has a point. Groundskeeper Willie as a horse would be a good idea..." said Juliet.
"Why are you taking his side?!" Lisa was flustered.
"I dunno, maybe you're just an ableist..." said Juliet.
"Grrrr! Juliet I am not picking on him because of his Aspergers! He just keeps suggesting ridiculous ideas!" Lisa ranted.
"Excuse me madam, but this is a place of civil discussion, no raised voices please." said a frog wearing a top hat.
Lisa laid on her arms frustrated.
Plot 3
Mr Burns went to Moe's gay bar to praise Smithers.
"Oh! A fine gentlemen's bar! Smithers you have finally earned my respect!" said Mr Burns.
"Thank you sir." said Smithers. He pondered if Mr Burns knew it was a gay bar. And whether he should tell him, and how would he react?
Mr Burns drank a champagne. It bubbles and fizzed all the way down.
"Oh... Waylon! I didn't know you were an old geezer pleaser!" said Grizzly Shawn. A rough, rugged gay man in a vest and green shorts. "How about a Lemon party!?"
"Why sure!" said Oscar cutting the episode to the Lemon Party shock image, do not look it up! The image is three elderly gay men in bed in a sex act, sucking each other off.
"Oh my god! It's three Grampas doing it!" Grady screamed.
"I know, the guy in the middle is my Grampa..." said Oscar.
"Get rid of that image!" Moe whined. We return to the gay bar. "Okay now to put our minds off of that horrible, horrible image my chihuahua Neil Patrick Hairless will play disco lights and Benny Hill music from his collar." Moe put a chihuahua on the table and turned on his collar. Disco lights flashed and what sounded like that Benny Hill theme played.
"Um okay..." said Marge.
...
Moe was discussing an inventory issue with Smithers after Grizzly Shawn wanted to take the former to Krustyland on a gay day out.
"But we can have real pretzel's now and not just paint them on the bar." said Moe.
Bitch Homer From one of Hugo's instant clone just add water capsules tried fruitlessly to get a pretzel from a picture of pretzels painted on the bar. "What the?!" Eventually he had enough and used a penknife to cut out a pretzel and the wood it was painted on. "Ah ha!" He stupidly ate the pretzel and choked on it. He tried to open the medkit on the wall but it too was just pained on. He soon asphyxiated and died.
"There goes yet another capsule clone..." Hugo sighed.
Meanwhile Bart took Oscar to a new Arcade called Zap La las. There was a banner saying, "the Kidnapping happened at our other branch."
Oscar screamed frightened.
"Oz... stop screaming and come on!" Bart dragged him inside.
Unfortunately Juniper's daughter Melody was there. And unfortunately she was a huge fan girl of Bart...
"I even drew you in my dream journal..." said Melody. There was a Bart and Melody hydra drawn on one of the pages.
"Yeah... uh my girlfriend Nikki will flip if she sees me talking to another girl... so vamoose..." said Bart playing virtual snowboarding.
"You hussy! Stay away from my boyfriend!" Nikki yelled at Melody. She ran off scared.
Melody sat down at a table sad and drew a picture of Bart.
"I uh, need a trace of that picture of the Bart and you hydra..." said Oscar, laying down tracing paper and quickly tracing a copy of the Bart and Melody Hydra.
"Um okay..." said Melody.
"Thanks! See ya!" said Oscar because he was in the same third grade class as her.
Then in the background a creepy hobo snatched a kid and ran off.
...
Then Skinner's and Juniper's love blossomed, because it shouldn't depend on "I'll only date you if you find a boyfriend for my daughter." Juniper loved Skinner as they danced near the nacho volcano.
"I love to dance... sometimes I dance alone..." said Juniper.
"Oooooh..." said Skinner. Then the nacho cheese volcano erupted.
"Oh real mature Matt! A masturbation joke!" Oscar yelled at the fourth wall.
At the Simpsons in the back yard, Oscar arrived to Lisa and Juliet's tea party and write more Equalia while listening to Josh Groban.
"And coming up... one Bart Hydra, copyright of Melody Petaki..." said Oscar. "Uh she originally had her head as the middle head but I saw how that wouldn't work genetically and replaced her with another Bart head."
"Oz... This is actually a great idea! Hehehehe! Bart's always an ugly monster! Good work!" said Lisa accepting his idea. "Hehehe... Bart hydra..."
Juliet rolled her eyes. "Lisa why is every character you come up with a caricature of your family members..."
"What about the giraffe octopus thing?" Lisa whined.
"That you nicked off of Ralph..." Juliet sighed.
"Oscar nicked the Bart hydra off of Melody!" Lisa whined.
Oscar sighed and day dreamed he was Greek hero Oscar fighting the Bart hydra in Equalia.
Dramatic fight music plays as Oscar as a Greek hero is fighting Bart as a hydra. A hydra with smelly death breath.
"Eat my shorts!" said Bart the hydra, currently with three heads.
"You're not wearing any. You're naked." said Oscar.
"Why am I a monster here?" said Bart the hydra.
"Sibling rivalry." said Oscar.
"Oh..." said Bart the hydra.
Meanwhile Equalia was on the verge of civil war because of Lisa and Juliet's bickering.
"Oz there isn't gonna be a civil war and Juliet and I are not bickering. We just need some space apart for a while." said Princess Lisa.
All the citizens of Equalia such as Dragon Kerne, troll Dolph and Jimbo, Homerino the ogre and twonicorn etc agreed.
"And can I raise at this meeting of monsters for Oscar to stop calling me Shrek?" Homerino whined.
"I will never stop comparing you to Shrek! Hehehe!" said Oscar laughing.
Homerino sighed.
...
Meanwhile Homer tried to put aside his homophobia and go to his favourite drinking hole, Moe's which was still a gay bar.
However he didn't last a few minutes before being triggered because Oscar came in with the pink shirt gay guy wearing his sweater sleeves tied round his neck like a scarf. Oscar had done the same with his sweater.
"Aaaaagh!" Homer screamed. "Oz!" He took Oscar's blue sweater with green triangles off oh his neck because he was wearing it the gay way...
"Hey! My favourite sweater!" Oscar whined.
"Wear it properly! Not like a fruit!" Homer stuffed the sweater onto him. Oscar struggled to get his arms through the sleeves.
"You have got to get over yourself..." said Oscar pulling his sweater down.
Then Skinner eloped with Juniper.
"Oh why didn't he elope with me..." Mrs Krabappel sighed upset.
"Willie you are now Principal Willie. But you don't get paid more." said Skinner as he left with Juniper. Until Status quo brings him back the next episode...
"Ach..." Willie as the new Principal groaned.
Smithers was having another private inventory issue with Moe. About him not admitting to his gay customers that he is not gay. Especially after Grizzly Shawn was hitting on him.
"Oooooh Moe is cute, with a capital scrumptious!" said Grizzly Shawn eyeing him.
"Bleeeeugh!" Homer vomited profusely. "I have to leave this faggot bar!"
"Some one drank too much liquor tonight..." said Julio.
"No he's puking in disgust because he's being a bigot... Homer's homophobic because he wants his sons to grow up to be butch manly men like Burt Reynolds..." said Oscar drinking buzz cola. "He's getting as bad as Peter Griffin and his anti Semitism."
"Moe do these people think you're gay?! You have to tell them the truth!" said Smithers.
"Hey, if you tell em you're straight, these people might just go drinking someplace else!" said a tiny devil Moe on Moe's shoulder.
"All right, all right. Good point. But, uh... let's hear from Angel Moe." said Moe.
"I am Angel Moe!" said the tiny devil Moe.
He was then speared on a trident being brandished by a much larger and terrifying looking demonic Moe.
The Moe demon laughed and ate devil Moe who was supposedly the closest Moe had to a good conscience.
Moe was freaked out by this evil conscience.
"That's exactly like my bad conscience and evil side." said Oscar with a demonic Dark Oscar perched on his shoulders weighing him down slightly.
...
Music class with yet another Substitute because of Juniper eloping with Seymour.
"Children, if there was anything I learned during my one year as a groupie for the Dave Matthews band-" said the teacher. But...
"Ahem!" Oscar coughed.
"Sorry, The Bernard Matthews band... It was to listen." said the substitute teacher.
"Mmmmmmmmmmm! British Processed supermarket turkey meat in breadcrumbs...(gargles and dribbles)" said Oscar drooling.
Lisa sighed and rolled her eyes.
At recess.
"You're breaking up with me, upside down?!" Melody cried as Oscar hung upside down from the jungle gym with her and the upside down girl from Recess. Melody sobbed and ran off "Raggedy Ann was so right about you!"
Oscar winced at her making that reference and yes it's canon.
"Oh great another looney..." Bart sighed.
Raggedy Ann appeared.
"Get the fuck out of my fan fiction!" Oscar yelled.
At Moe's Mr Burns turned up still thinking it was a gentle man's club.
"Ooooh! Waylon... I didn't know you were and old geezer pleaser, having a lemon party?"
"Oh! An old fashioned lemon Party! I call first squeeze!" said Mr Burns not knowing what that was.
"Dude, not funny! My reference to the shock image of the three naked old guys in bed doing it was better!" Oscar ranted holding in an A4 landscape picture frame the Lemon Party shock image.
"Oh god! It burns! Oscar get that outta here!" Moe yelled. Oscar left with his disgusting picture. And presumably Neil Patrick Hairless the chihuahua played disco music again.
"Sir, I know you're enjoying yourself but it is way past your bedtime!" said Smithers to Mr Burns.
"Ooooooh! But I'm not tired!" Mr Burns whined.
"Sir please don't get cranky... I'll make you a night cap and fetch Bobo..." said Smithers carrying Mr Burns home.
"Yes, Bobo..." Mr Burns whimpered.
I love it when he gets like this... Smithers sighed to himself in his head.
"Hey Moe, wanna take part in the Grease sing a long? You can be the Doodie to my Frenchie..." said Grizzly Shawn.
"Oh I'm doing a sing along with Rizzo outside Flanders to annoy him over his obsession with abstaining from premarital sex." said a Bitch Homer clone.
"Why is that bigot back?" Super hairy Wonder Woman asked.
"He's not... that is an instant, just add water capsule clone from those add water to get anything capsules you see in Futurama and other works of sci fi." said Oscar. "Hugo invented them. They come really handy in fixing Matt's forgetful canon and still showing Homer doing things he is uncomfortable doing with his homophobia and being only cartoonishly simple and not borderline retarded."
Outside Ned's house at night.
"Look at me! I'm Flanders Dee! Hopeless in virginity! Won't go to bed, till I'm legally wed! I can't! I'm Flanders Dee!" A bitch Homer, the real Homer and Rizzo sung outside Ned's house.
"Will you stop mocking my Christian values!? And can it! My boys are trying to sleep!" Ned yelled.
Lisa and Juliet sorted out their tiff.
"Okay I'll try to stop making characters in Equalia that are just crude caricatures of my family members." said Lisa.
"Well I'm sorry I blew up on you Lisa. I um sometimes get sensitive and triggered by things." said Juliet.
"Like when we had dinner at yours and you stormed off because your dad wouldn't let you play Josh Groban." said Lisa.
"Groban is my world." Juliet sighed with joy.
"Mine too." said Lisa.
They wrote a heartening sweet romantic scene where Oscar the barbarian warrior saves the day and gets the girl after slaying the Bart Hydra. It had Josh Groban singing You raise me up in the background as montage music.
Oscar grooved to the music.
"That song makes me me feel strong enough to hold off my dark side. Plus it reminds me when we stood against the evil townsfolk when Bart felt suicidal." said Oscar. "Or when we fought against Lordakia."
"Yeah, when I feel down or on the verge of giving p my fights for justice, foiling Sideshow Bob, fighting Mr Burns, I just listen to Groban sing You raise me Up." said Lisa.
"It does cheer me up." said Juliet drawing characters for Equalia.
They went back to listening to Groban sing You raise me uuuuuuuuuuup!"
Then Matt has another cop out ending because Status Quo! Moe eventually admits to his gay friends that he himself is not gay and everything goes back to normal with lonely Moe running a dark empty bar with only a few customers. Not in my canon!
"Moe, we're not bothered whether you're gay or not. You gave us homely gay men somewhere to drink that wasn't elitist. Thanks pal." said Pink shirt guy wearing a sweater as a scarf.
"We're just disappointed you couldn't be honest with us about your straightness Moe." said Grizzly Shawn.
At the League of Extra Horny Gentlemen the gay night club for beautiful men only.
"Sorry, hobbits. It's back to the shire for you. Slam!" said the night club bouncer rudely as he sent away several gay hobbits. Including a gay Frodo.
"But!" said Gay Frodo.
"Tell em Gandalf..." the bouncer sighed to Gandalf.
"You shall not pass!" Gandalf yelled.
"Okay geez! Let's all go to that new gay bar across the street." said Gay Frodo.
And because it's the league of extra horny gentlemen. Inside the gay bar for beautiful men only, there was Sean Connery being horny for some reason. And um Mr Hyde.
"Shuck on my corn you fat fuck!" Sean Connery cursed.
"Uh okay... Hobbits and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen references..." Bart at the arcade winced.
In town the gay patrons of Moe's new bar convinced him to run for council thinking he was gay. He lied leading them on with this...
"I only read Hustler to see the pictures of Larry Flynt." said Moe lying to Smithers about being gay. Unfortunately Lisa was in ear shot having gone to the nearby health food store to buy a carrot to eat.
"Larry Flynt?! Larry Flynt! LARRY FLYYYYYYNT!" Lisa screamed angrily being triggered by her hatred of Larry Flynt.
"Um that's one of the local kids Lisa Simpson..." Moe explained to some of the new gay guys on the scene.
In fact There's is no status quo as Moe's gay bar is still running post season 32 and beyond into Eric and Homer episodes that I insist are about Eric Simpson the blue haired Simpson son from Deviantart.
In one such story Eric, either Homer's friend from the pickle factory saga or his blue haired son from Deviantart grown up is depressed because he's gay. Probably not Eric Simpson given Homer's homophobia in canon and my fanon.
They go to see Dr Marvin Monroe who is still alive apparently despite being either dead or in limbo.
"But I want to Status Quo!"
"Look not every story can be resolved by hitting the reset button! Characters need to evolve!" Oscar snapped at Matt.
Then Moe kissed Smithers which was really weird. Because they don't match up as a couple, not because of sexuality.
"I want to Status Quo!" Matt yelled.
Oscar sighed frustrated.
Plot 4
School.
Bart was hitting a Buzz Lightyear doll with a hammer again.
"Live Tim Allen! Live!"
Hugo winced exasperated at him.