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Disclaimer: I don't own any aspects to this story.
And now, let's begin.
Chapter 12
An Insightful Conversation
Humpty was extremely nervous. When he had arrived at the camp, he hadn't been sure what to make of Aslan. Would he be a wise ruler? A prideful fellow? Those thoughts and others were erased by the sheer power, strength, and love emanating from the lion. It didn't matter to Humpty. All Humpty had felt in that moment was utter shame at himself. He hadn't dared to look into the eyes of this great being. Now Aslan wanted to talk to him and Peter. He didn't know if he was honored or terrified.
"How are you feeling, Humpty?" Aslan asked, startling Humpty out of his thoughts.
Humpty looked over at Aslan's paws. "Fine, I guess."
Aslan nodded. "That is good. You have traveled a long way to get here."
Humpty nodded. "It certainly wasn't easy, sir."
"Perhaps you could tell me some about what you have done on the way here?" Aslan asked.
Humpty looked over at Peter. "You could probably tell it better than I ever could."
But Peter didn't respond. His mouth was moving, but no words seemed to be coming out of his mouth. Humpty's eyebrows rose.
"Peter and I are having a private conversation," Aslan said. "Just as there is much we must discuss privately, so there is with Peter and I."
Humpty's jaw dropped. Aslan was talking with him and Peter simultaneously. And neither person heard words of the other's conversation. That should be imposs-
"What is impossible to others is possible to me," Aslan replied. "But we seem to be getting off topic. Perhaps you could tell me about what you have been doing on your way here."
Humpty looked at the ground, composing his thoughts. He started talking about the various details. How he had gotten to Narnia, how he had met the others, how the Pevensies had been found by Kitty, how Puss, Kitty, and Perrito had been instrumental in protecting the group, and other events Humpty had thought important.
Aslan nodded. "Those are all rather important events. But one character seems to be lacking in the story. What about your contributions?"
Humpty turned to Aslan's mane. "I'm afraid I'm not quite sure what you mean?"
"So far, Humpty, you have explained how Kitty found the Pevensies, how Puss was a big contributor to the defense on the ice river, and how Perrito has proven instrumental as a forager and messenger. But I have not heard much about you yourself, Humpty."
Humpty turned back to the ground to think about it. There was the moment when he had helped heal James Foxington and when he had contributed ideas to help in the search for the Pevensies. But there hadn't been much else.
"I don't know if I really did much on this journey, sir, aside from healing others and collaborating." Humpty said to Aslan's back.
Aslan stopped moving, standing on a small cliff. He turned to Humpty, who averted his gaze. "Why?"
Humpty shrugged his shoulders. "There wasn't really much for me to do."
"I wasn't referring to the level of your contributions, Humpty," Aslan said in a calm voice. "I was asking why you doubt yourself."
Humpty's eyes widened. Now that was a difficult question. Humpty had been noticing cases throughout the journey where he had felt he could do more, like going with Puss to help scout or fighting Maugrim on the lake. But he had stopped himself at the last minute in each case. Why was that? As Humpty pondered it, a realization came to him. But how to put it into words?
Turning back to Aslan, he decided to start talking. "Well, Aslan, I think part of it has to do with where I come from. I've done a lot of deeds. Some I'm proud of and some I'm not. I'm ashamed of the misdeeds. When I woke up in a giant's castle far away from everyone I knew, with no clear way to come back, I was relieved. After everything I'd done, I felt I didn't deserve to go back down to the land below. I felt that this would be my punishment. My exile, if you will.
"All of that changed when I found myself here. Not only was I in a land far away from the familiar, but I also was reunited with Puss and the others. I was expecting them to hate me after what I'd done. Instead, they've been nice to me. Treated me as if nothing happened between us. And I don't understand why," Humpty said, eyes teary. "I was terrible to them, hurting them emotionally and manipulating them. They should detest me utterly. Instead, they seem to have forgiven me.
"And I feel unworthy of their forgiveness. I thought I might make amends. That the fact that the Witch was looking for us meant I was important enough to make a difference. A difference big enough to wipe away all my past sins. But I was a fool. I can't make a difference. Nothing will wash my misdeeds away."
Humpty collapsed on the ground, hands on his face. There, he had said it all. Let Aslan deal with him as deserved.
"Look at me," Aslan said.
Humpty still looked down, too ashamed to turn his head.
"Humpty Alexander Dumpty, look at me," Aslan said, a low growl punctuating his words.
Humpty finally turned his face to Aslan's eyes. Reflected in them, to Humpty's surprise, was Humpty's whole life. Waking up on the orphanage doorstep, making friends with Puss in Boots, framing Puss for a crime in a misguided attempt to get Puss back on Humpty's track, rotting in jail, betraying Puss, saving San Ricardo, and spending time in the giant's castle. Every good and bad deed Humpty had ever done flashed in Aslan's eyes in a quick second. Humpty knew that Aslan had already known all this even before he met Humpty.
He didn't have time to process all this information though, as Aslan breathed on him. It was not a hot breath, or a cold one. It had a nice feeling to it, one that caused Humpty to relax and close his eyes. The feeling reminded Humpty of the love he felt a parent would have for their child. A feeling that wouldn't change regardless of what he had done. A feeling that Humpty longed to keep and hold onto.
Soon, Humpty heard a voice inside his head. It seemed to come from the breath and the feeling alongside it. Trust in me, Humpty. Believe in me and receive life. Receive forgiveness. Receive grace. Humpty opened his eyes to see Aslan's face change slightly. It matched rather well with the feelings and thoughts Humpty had received, leaving no doubt who had given Humpty those thoughts.
Aslan stood for a moment in silence, then spoke to Humpty. "What you have done isn't good, Humpty. But that doesn't mean your story is over. You made a friend of Puss, helping you both through the feelings of isolation you both felt in the orphanage. Even though you had betrayed your friend several times, you chose to do the right thing and save your home town alongside him. You helped protect the Pevensies from the Witch and certain death. Those deeds are good."
Humpty smiled, remembering those moments. Still, he also remembered the bad moments. There was no way the good things he had done could possibly outweigh the bad ones.
And Humpty somehow knew that the lion had always known that logical conclusion. But what Aslan said next surprised Humpty. "Let go of your burdens, Humpty. Come to me, and I will give you rest."
What on earth did that mean? Humpty wasn't carrying any luggage. But as he thought about it, Humpty realized that Aslan wasn't talking about physical luggage. He was talking about emotional baggage. The shame and guilt of all the past sins that Humpty could never pay back. Could Aslan really take all that on himself? Yes, he could. If there was one thing Humpty was feeling and realizing right now, it was that Aslan was strong enough and loving enough to take all the emotional weight on himself.
Humpty closed his eyes, putting all his trust in Aslan and the knowledge that he was righteous before the lion. Nothing really seemed to change, though Humpty felt a small presence inside him. It was similar to what he felt when Aslan had breathed on him. Humpty opened his eyes, smiling. For the first time in a long while, he felt free and redeemed.
Suddenly, a loud sound occurred. Humpty squinted his ears. It sounded like a trumpet, but longer, more melodic, and louder. Peter turned alongside Humpty toward the sound. "Do you hear that?" Peter asked.
Humpty nodded, noting the private conversation was over. "Yes. What is that?"
"It is the sound of your sister's horn, Son of Adam," Aslan said.
Peter's eyes widened. "Susan!" he said, running back down towards the camp. Humpty ran right behind him. As he ran, he noticed something. He no longer felt the presence as strongly as he had before, but he still knew it was there, strengthening him and reassuring him of his redemption. That was comforting to Humpty as he drew his dagger. He didn't know what lay ahead at the camp, but he knew he needed all the encouragement he could get.
When I was writing this story, I intended to be as accurate as I could to the character of Aslan. That included the inspiration for the lion, as intended and masterfully carried out by CS Lewis. As a result, I felt a moment like this would make sense for Humpty's character development. It's an important truth of Jesus, the one who inspired Aslan for CS Lewis, and an important truth I thought should be included. As always, please rate and review.
